45: How to Heal After Loss With Melissa Dlugolecki

Hey, Dr. Jane here.

I'm so excited to share my masterclass.

With you on the critical labs that you need to run to get to the root cause of your hormonal imbalances. So I'm a naturopathic doctor and a natural fertility expert, and I help couples who have been struggling with infertility conceive and bring healthy babies home. All of the women that I have worked with who struggled with infertility had hormonal imbalances for years, if not decades, before fertility was their goal. I want to help prevent the same issue from happening to you, because, let's face it, whether fertility is your goal or not, living with hormonal imbalances sucks. The weight gain, the acne, the painful.

Periods, the mood swings, the facial hair.

Yikes. And since specializing in infertility, I've noticed that there is a huge gap in understanding how to properly assess and therefore treat hormonal imbalances. So in this masterclass, I want to share three things with you now. Number one, how hormones work and why you actually need to test. Number two, the eight tests that I run on my patients to get to the root cause of their hormonal imbalances and then heal them for good. And number three, the frequently asked questions that we have around labs. Who is going to run these labs for me? When do I run them? How much is it going to cost me? When do I rerun the tests? And so much more. But that's not all, you guys. I'm also including a bonus PDF on the optimal ranges for your blood markers because, let's face it, normal isn't healthy. I want you to understand what blood work to run, but I also want you to know the optimal ranges because my wish for you is to stop grasping at straws, get off the hamster wheel, stop following random advice that you heard on the Internet, and figure out the answers as to why you are experiencing hormonal imbalances. When we have the answers, the treatment in simple. I hope you take advantage of this opportunity. Click the link in show notes to.

Complete your registration and I'll see you on the inside. Hey, guys. Welcome to another episode of Modern Health with Dr. Jean. Today, I'm really excited to introduce you to somebody I met online. Social media, Melissa. Once I found her, I actually went down a rabbit hole. I was scrolling on the Internet, as many people do, and you popped up and I was like, who's this person? And when I found your page, then I couldn't keep stop scrolling. I was just infatuated with Your story and how you write and your journey. So thank you for being here, but why don't you tell people who you are? Because I don't want to. I don't want to spoil it.

Thank you so much. I just got emotional. Thank you for having me. And I think it really speaks to the beauty and what's available in social media. There's so often negative attachments with it, and it's a tool that can be however we choose to use it. And I always say just follow accounts that inspire you and just connect with people that. That feel energetically aligned and you get to filter out everything else. So I just want to. I just want to speak into that because I think it's really powerful and we don't want to rob ourselves of what could be available like this. Right by leaning in. So my name is Melissa. I. Let's see. Ash. I am like a serial entrepreneur, but everything that I do is driven by my late daughter Layden, who would be 9 on February 20th of this year. So probably her birthday will likely have passed before anyone hears this. But we're before it right now, one week away. And she passed of a disease called necrotizing entercolitis when she was four months. And it completely rocked my world. And what I found was, through the study of grief and mindset and healing, how much was available to turn our pain into. To, like, transmute it. Like, it doesn't go away, but how to shift our pain into, you know, for lack of a better word, purpose and drive. And, you know, she's. I'm looking at her picture right here next to my computer, and she is continuous to be my world. And so it has been an honor to be, you know, a pioneer in a lot of conversations around grief, around healing and showing people it's possible. Because if somebody had told me, you know, after she passed that I would be this happy, that I would be this fulfilled, I would be this complete, I probably would have gotten angry and definitely wouldn't have believed them. So I like to represent to everyone out there, like, what is possible, no matter what you've been through.

Yeah. And I mean, I'm getting ready to get emotional on this episode because one of the things that you do and why I found it so powerful is the emotion that you evoked in.

In through your posts.

And for me, when I found you, I was, I think, three months postpartum, so I was a little bit more hormonal. But I was also in this space of being frustrated with my situation, like, not being able to do things that.

I want to do and waking up.

In the middle of the night a bunch. And so when I came to your account, there was that. At that time, it was like, gratitude is what screamed at me. And I'm like, this girl has found gratitude through this being. And, like, here I am sitting in what, like, whatever. I wasn't even aware that I was so, like, bitter, angry, resentful, like, you name it. And I have a healthy. A healthy child. And it was so, like, to me, it was such a slap in the face to be like, you need to pay attention to some things here. And then, because I'm in the fertility space, I deal with grief, and I. I had a miscarriage.

I.

You know, it's not. But I deal with this loss all the time.

And I think, oh, I really think this is my life's mission.

Right.

I'm just going to get right into this.

Yes.

This one concept I learned from my daughter, I had this moment. Now, we spent 99 nights in the hospital. She had four major surgeries. She. Her whole last month of her life was hooked up to wires and tubes, and I couldn't hold her, so. And she couldn't eat. It was awful. And very understandably, after she died, I was very much in a place of, how could this happen to me? What did I do? How? What did I do wrong? What am I being punished? Like, I remember talking to, like, a spiritual mentor being, like, am I being punished? What did I do? What's my karma? And I had this moment where I was walking in Boston, where we lived at the time. It was like, melissa, you've been walking around like you were entitled to a healthy child. You're not entitled to anything. You're worthy of everything, but you're not entitled to anything. So you can want a healthy child. You can grieve the fact that your child wasn't healthy. You can. You can feel pain. But to shift out of victim and into gratitude was to let go of a subconscious entitlement of I should just be able to have a healthy child. And then I was able to look at how lucky am I that I was able to create and birth and even experience my daughter for four months. Like, how lucky am I that I got to experience that? Some people never experienced that. And that's when everything began to change, when I could actually feel grateful for my pain and my experience and make room for it. Like, I wasn't. I don't believe in toxic positivity. I think that's a. A real problem in Our culture.

Right.

So it was never about toxic positivity and like, it's fine. It was like, no, this is, this. Can I swear in here?

Yes, you can. Absolutely.

It's like, this fucking hurts. I am in serious pain. And with that, can I also hold the gratitude for the sacredness of the experience of this pain? Because it comes from love and I got to experience the deepest love I can ever know.

Yeah, it's.

I love what you said about the victim mentality. Like, but I feel like we. It's so easy to get caught in that like entitlement or I mean, what came to mean is like life is unfair.

Yeah.

And it's like it is, it is.

And also is it like fair implies an expectation that things are just supposed to be easy and is it. Are we just meant to be on this earth for pain free happiness all the time? No challenge ease? Like, I don't think so. I don't think that's how we grow. And like I grow through my challenges, not through my triumphs.

Right?

Yeah.

And I will say I think for me anyways, I was walking around like I wasn't worthy of anything. Like my worthiness. I needed validated from my partner or I needed on a bank account or a degree or whatever Instagram likes or whatever. It was like I was outsourcing my worthiness completely. And I also had this subconscious entitlement. Whereas now I am not entitled to anything. Everything's a gift, not practice of non attachment. And I'm in full ownership of my worthiness. And if anyone listening can make that shift, I'm telling you, it will change your life.

How does somebody make that shift? What do you, you know, what are the steps?

Well, I am always one for coaches and mentors. Coaches and mentors because we can't get out of our own way.

Right.

We can't get out of our own. Like, we really can't. I still have multiple coaches that I work with. Still. My biggest transformation in my journey was getting a grief counselor and coach. And then it was like more different types of coaches as I went through my healing journey. Right now I work with mindset and that type of, you know, coaches. But I honestly will say, in terms of entitlement, anytime you find yourself disappointed, frustrated, go back to what was my expectation? Like, I'll say this to my clients. Like, even if you're stuck in traffic and you're like, damn it, like, laugh at yourself. Like, wow, did I think I was entitled to like living in a major city and being on like major Highways and having access to all this convenience and they're not being traffic.

Right.

And just looking at where we have these expectations that things are just going to go the way we want them to go. And now I'm all about abundance and manifesting. So I put stuff out there all the time that I want to attract in and the life I want to live and all of this. Right. It's like a superpower of mine. But letting go of the expectation of the timeline or how it's going to look is freedom.

Yes.

So a couple things came up for me when you said, like, the grieving is one. What about the entitlement, but what about, like the bitterness?

Very long, very challenging infertility journey. And I. She told me that I was her permission slip to understand what she was going through was grief. Because I kept telling her, you are in grief. You are grieving the future you envisioned. You are grieving how you thought this was going to go. You are grieving so much. And so what I always coach is to nurture and take care of your needs. Don't stuff them down.

Right?

Yeah.

Let go of comparison. Because we are either in a conversation of lack, slash scarcity or abundance. We cannot be operating from the two at the same time. So in every conversation we have and every decision we make, we are either coming from scarcity and lack or abundance and possibility. And comparison falls under scarcity and lack. And anything that is sourced in a conversation of scarcity and lack of will not support your growing or your healing. So I always say, you know, I have, I have some visuals for this, but I always say, like, okay, you're not going to shift from this place of victim or comparison into, like, utmost joy.

Right.

Like, you're not going to make that big of a jump vibrationally and energetically. So I always say, reach higher. What's something that, like, you could reach for a little bit higher that could support you? Maybe it's trust, maybe it's surrender, maybe it's trust that this is what I'm supposed to be going through. For whatever reason, I don't understand it and it really hurts. But I trust that this is what my journey is supposed to be.

Right.

And it will make sense someday.

Right?

Yeah.

Surrendering to needing to know, you know, surrendering. And then, of course, gratitude. Like, can I be grateful for the pain that I'm feeling? Because it means I'm alive and I'm feeling, you know, can I be grateful that I'm in a partnership where, you know, I. I have tremendous love and Intimacy. And we have that. A lot of people never experience that. So gratitude, trust, and surrender are things I say to kind of like reach higher for when you're trying to pull yourself out of a scarcity conversation into an abundance.

I mean, it's. Yes, you're. You're just speaking my language. So I blanked on my next question.

No worries.

This is what I was going to ask you. Say you coach. What is it that you coach?

So I coach people in two different capacities. So I started as a mindset personal development coach and I've been doing that since 2016. And then as my own online business really grew, I began coaching and consulting people on how to grow their online businesses. Very committed to doing it without the fad diets, the worrying about a ton of followers, the smoke and mirrors.

Right.

Which actually comes back to a lot of mindset.

I was going to say how much is the same?

Yeah, it's actually very similar. But I work with people in one on one and do some group programs as well that supports people in their personal growth, relationship to self manifestation, mindset. All of that work.

Yeah, it's huge. I mean, I think it's all like, it's energy and what you attract. But tell me what did you know that you were going to get into this type of work? Like, were you always. No. Is this something that you were kind of thrown into?

My daughter put me on this path, so I had this very limiting belief, I wonder if anyone can resonate that you either care about business or you care about people and you either want to help people or you want to make money and that I pursued education. So I was in education for 10 years. So my. I was a high school educator for students with social emotional needs and language based learning. So I really studied how people learn. I was a caretaker all through college. I worked at group homes, you know, students or children and adults with disabilities day programs, like a respite center. Like, I've always had that nurturing teaching component. And then I moved up to be a high school administrator. It was the dream job. 300 people applied for it. I thought it was going to be the job that I retired from. Like, I was the youngest female in the state. And like everyone you know, it was like, how did she get this job? First day of this job, I found out I was pregnant. My daughter was a stroke. Yeah, I was like, oh boy. So she passed within my first year of my job and I maintained that job for another four years. But I knew very quickly that that wasn't where I wanted to be like when it was my job to care about things that I had to care about, but I just didn't care about it. Yes, I was out of alignment and through grief. I understood this new, this concept was new to me of radical ownership. Like I wanted, like I didn't want to pay for a grief counselor. Why should I pay for a grief counselor? My daughter was just taken from me. Her case was a catastrophe like that. And I realized, if not me, then who is going to heal me? No one can heal me for me. And so I first took radical ownership of my healing and I really got into. I studied gut health and I studied mindset and I got certified as a yoga instructor and Reiki and a lot of healing modalities. And, and then naturally, some of my own yoga students were like, hey, do you work with people one on one? And I was like, yeah, we can do that.

Right?

So I started building this and crazy series of events happened at my school that I know was the universe pulling me of a spot that I wasn't supposed to be in, but I was too afraid to leave because I'm like, well, I can't. What am I going to do? What about benefits? What about this? What about that?

What about benefits?

Right?

But it's true. So many people like just, it's the benefits. I'm like, what benefits?

Yeah. Now at the time, you know, my, my belief, even though I had a six figure job as a high school administrator, I was still six figures in debt. So in 2018, I was six figures a day when I really launched entrepreneurship full time. And what I realized was my limiting belief of I either care about people or money was really hurting me and it was leaving me burned out and broke. And how many people could I help when I was burned out and broke?

Right.

And I needed people to then help me and take care of me and like. So when I took radical ownership, first of my grief and then of my entire life, I realized that when I understood business and could make massive impact, the income follows that. It's a byproduct. But focusing on impact and business, I could actually help a whole lot more people. And so that's what I've done ever since.

Yeah. And then your energy comes up, you start to attract, I mean, different. So your data really like kind of spun you into because you basically realized that sounds like you needed to heal and no one was going to do it. And that's. That just was your stepping stone to bringing yourself back to life. Is that. Did I get that right.

If her father could have healed me, I would have let him. And so my. And my encouragement to anyone listening is. It was the best gift that he couldn't. Now he has a daughter from his first marriage. And a lot of his own healing was in that relationship, which I wasn't a part of. So I actually had a lot of alone time because he had every right to heal the way he needed to. But that wasn't healing me. In fact, it was pulling out my pain and my loneliness even more. But I had to take responsibility for that. And thank God my grief coach pointed that out to me, like, well, it's not his job to heal you. And I think unfortunately, in this world, that's how we look at things. Especially for. Unfortunately for the masculine, the feminine, like, well, the man has to hold and heal the woman. And the best gift I ever got was learning how to heal myself and being such ownership rather than outsourcing it. Because, man, I would have let him take every, every bit of my pain and just take it from me. I wouldn't be where I am now.

Yeah, it's.

I mean, you've done a phenomenal thing. Like I said, it's so powerful in the ownership that you take for your life. Like, I could see it through your Instagram. And if you guys are not following, we'll put the link that you need to, because you write it so beautifully as well. And it's something that you go back to is that it's not over. Like, you're still grief. Like, I still see you post stories on, like, getting emotional from your daughter's passing and, like, just the way that you speak about it.

And then, of course, it makes me.

Emotional because I can feel the power. But it's like, how has that shifted for you from, like, you know, a year versus you said you're eight years, nine years out.

Yeah.

I mean, she passed in June of 2014, so this year will be nine. You know, honestly, I can't say it enough, but having support and having people hold, I mean, and just going one little bit at a time, because there was a version of me that I remember when I put, like, a post up about it. I deleted it right away. Oh, my God. That's too much.

Right?

That's too much. Everyone's going to be talking about it, like, all these things. And you also learn it's very humbling. Like, no one's actually watching that closely.

Right.

And so, you know, a little bit at a time. But there was a version of me that couldn't listen to music that didn't. Didn't want to laugh. Because if I laughed, that meant I had moved on and no way was I moving on. And so I haven't moved on, actually, but I've moved forward.

Right.

Like, you know, I. My daughter's hat is right over there.

Right.

Like, I have little pieces that I keep with me, you know, and it's called a linking object that supportive for anyone. Like, what's an object that links you to your grief? But, you know, it was just one day at a time honoring my capacity and knowing what I could and couldn't handle. And as I got really good at that, I was able to make. To grow without, like, face planting.

Right.

Sometimes I think we try. You have to have patience with healing. You have to have patience, commitment, and consistency. And I'm still healing.

Those are three patients. Consistency and. What did you say? Commitment. That's right. And it's. I mean, that's what I teach through my, you know, through my programs and in terms of stepping into fertility from a space of like, there's so many unknowns and you have no idea what the journey is going to hold. But we can increase your probability and we can also just increase your capacity. Like, what is it that you want to get out of this experience? You know, because sometimes I think we put. And I'll speak from a place of infertility because that's where my, you know, expertise is, if you will. But it's like the hope that the. Your child is going to solve a problem for you. And it's like, that's a big ask for a tiny human that hasn't been born yet.

It's really interesting that you say that because I actually, I have a hard time with the concept of rainbow babies.

Oh, yes, very.

Okay.

Yeah, of course.

That's the whole world.

Right?

Of course. Like, I understand and I will tell you, I was on a mission to get pregnant again after my daughter died because I wanted something to take that pain away. And her father was not on that same mission. So, you know, but that was, again, such a gift because that wouldn't be fair. That wouldn't be fair to a child. And so while I so believe in and understand having a child, you know, after you haven't.

Right.

Or after you've lost one, rather, after you lost one. I do understand that. But it gets to be from a place of expansion, not of, not of the healing the wound, because that can't be put on a baby. It just can't be.

Yeah, it's a really big ask. I mean, that's my miscarriage. And which is why I think your message spoke to me so much is because my miscarriage shifted me out of this. I'm just having another kid. We're just, it's on the clock. It's time. Like, we're just growing a family. That's what you do. I want to give birth in July. So we're get pregnant and you know, like it was literally just scheduled in. And then when I had my miscarriage, it was like a big slap in the face be like, did you really think that you could just program this in? And so that was my grief. And I realized for me, my grief at the time of for the miscarriage wasn't losing this baby. It was the fact that I didn't get to experience my first pregnancy at all. I wasn't present for it. I just kind of, you know, I was on autopilot, doing my own thing and I'm like, if I can't have any more kids, I just shot that whole experience. And I know that there's a lot of thoughts that go, you know, for. I'm not going to be able to do this again and I'm just going to have. And so for me, it was very interesting the way that you spoke about grief. But it's expectation, something that I've. And it was really like, oh man, I wasn't present for my first daughter. I had no idea. It was a big eye opening for me.

Well, it's like secondary losses, right? Like the primary loss is the loss pregnancy and the secondary one is realizing that you missed part of your journey.

Right?

Yeah, there's some, I mean, there's so many layers. And I think a gift of grief is we learn to eliminate the word should from our vocabulary.

Right.

Like this is how it should be. Like, is it.

Who said that?

But it's hard because you always want.

To say that word. Like we're so programmed in the society to be like it should be. I mean, I say that all the time with business. If I'm trying to grow and it's like it should be and then. But it's not.

Yup. And so it's like looking at, you know, I mean, my. What I do for business coaching, right. When I hear this all the time, like, okay, it's all just feedback. What is it showing you? Where's the hole? Where's the gap? How do we close it? What do we get to do?

Right.

But so often in life or business, right. We miss the feedback because we're so attached to the should or the lack of the outcome that we expected, which you said something earlier I think is really important is how can we control what we can control and let go.

Of what we can. Yep.

And how are you creating the environment for whatever you want your life to exist, but then letting go of what you can't control?

Yeah.

I think that line that people have a hard time drawing is like, how do you know what you're supposed to be able to control and whatnot. And I mean, because there is a line with. I teach a lot about the body, like how the body is supposed to work, understanding and becoming aware. And I think a lot of people think that they can't control their body versus I think like that's the only thing we can.

Our minds, our bodies, like basically our energy.

Right?

Yeah.

So anything we're consuming.

Right.

We can control. And yeah. I mean, as you know, a bereaved mom of a daughter who died of a sick gut. I studied gut health and it really changed my life. Like, I didn't realize I had.

Right.

Most of us don't. We just treat the symptoms.

Right.

We treat the symptoms, take a pill. We do that. We have some caffeine, whatever it is, like bloated. This is normal. This is normal. Like, no, it's not normal. So we can truly only control how we show up in any given moment and what we consume and how we act.

But we can consumption, like not just what we're consuming. Food, like consumption how you're consuming thoughts.

People who are allowed in your world, like boundaries can be beautiful when you're growing. Because if someone's got a gossip, drama, toxic energy, like, they don't get to be in your world if you want to grow.

Right.

And you don't need to have a whole fallout or burn a bridge. You just don't allow that in your space.

Right.

You just naturally let it dissolve. And there is. Honestly, I mean, I've had. I go through grief. I mean, it's birth and death all the time as we're growing. Like, I've grieved a lot of relationships as I've changed the way that I live and the standards of which who can be in my world right now? I love everybody. I love everybody and I'm wishing everyone all the best, but I get to be really discerning and protecting myself and who gets to be in that space. And I think that's something everyone can do. No matter what you're doing.

Like, especially if you should be Doing that. That's the only time we. We can use the word should.

Right.

Be protecting your energy.

It's a privilege. I mean, that's self love. Self love isn't getting a massage or going on a shopping spree. Self love is being like, what am I putting in my body? What people are in my world.

Right.

I mean, that's. That's it. And you literally, I believe, I mean, you are a product of how you consume food and drink, but I. I believe. I don't know if you've heard this, that you're a product of the five closest people to you in your world and energetically.

Right.

So anyone listening? Like, check in. Like, who are your five closest people? And are they bringing you closer to your goals and vision, your growth, your healing, your possibility? Are they draining you?

Yep.

I literally just had this conversation with my patient as she's, you know, climbing up and getting ready to try again after multiple miscarriages, and she's like, you know, I have this friend. Like, she has three pregnant friends that are close by and, like, this friend who's obese, this friend who has mood things, this other friend who. And I'm just like, hey, like, don't take offense, but I think you need some new friends, you know, like, you are trying to do something very different here, and if you continue to surround yourself with people who are not doing that, you're going to come right back down as soon as you and I stop working together.

Yes. And that is something I really learned in my grief. Like, boundaries wasn't something I was good at, but when I was so fragile that I had to be super aware of who I was talking to.

Right.

Because I did a whole podcast episode. Some people insert themselves in because they love the drama and they want to be in the know and they want to be able to talk about how your relationship is going or how you're navigating. You know, for me, it was my partnership through all of this. Like, people wanted to know and, like, I got to, like, really put up major boundaries. And then I realized, like, oh, I don't just have to do that when I'm grieving. I can do that as a way of being in my life my entire life.

Right.

That's a huge. Yeah. Moment. Like, connect the dots.

Right?

Exactly. Exactly.

Tell me. I know we don't have much time, and so I'd love for somebody who might be going through a grieving journey, like, what is. Besides getting a mentor or, like a grief counselor? It sounds like that's something that's important. And can you like, lay out. I know that everyone's different, but can you lay out a little bit of an expectation of how long somebody should see a grief counselor for? Because sometimes I think that expectation on grief, like, I be. I should be better now. I should. It should pass. It should. Like after one session. Yeah, that's it. Like, what are some expectations that people can set realistically for themselves or not set and you know, walk into. Into this journey so they can walk out a better. A better human.

Yeah, I mean, I'd say like no less. No less than a year. No less. I mean, the one year finish line is such bullshit. And it's like this invisible finish line that creates pressure. Like, I should be over this by now. I should be over this by now. Like, no. Like, the only thing that comes day 366.

Right.

Because 365 will be a year.

Right.

The only thing that happens on day 366 is that, you know, you've gotten through that day before and you can do it again.

Right.

Or, you know, you've gotten through that holiday before or that milestone before. And you know, you've gotten through that before and that's what helps you. But, like, doesn't go away after a year. Um, I, you know, I have been working with coaches for over nine, ten years now. Um, I would say I worked with my grief counselor particularly for about a year and a half. But I think to trust and build trust that, you know, like, let go of the. And remember, it's controlling what you can control, like letting go what you can't. Like you could set the intention to work with somebody for, you know, five years, but then something could happen or that's not possible.

So. Or just doesn't feel right anymore. Like something is shifted for you and the person.

Yeah.

Like leading you in the right direction anymore. Or you feel like that way.

Yeah, you'll feel, you'll know. Like, I think when you start to have. In the beginning, you're gonna have resistance. Recession. So that's a good resistance.

Right.

Because you're going to show up, but you'll feel it and then you'll get excited and then you're going to kind of start to feel maybe a little resistant again or like I want to reschedule or all this stuff. As long as it's not from a place of avoidance, of doing the work right. That's usually feedback that you've outgrown something.

Any tips in terms of picking a grief counselor? Because I know that that Could. That's a very vulnerable journey. So is there something that to look out for?

I would definitely do your research and try and get on with a few people, get on a zoom, get on a call and see how it feels. You don't want it to be someone that you necessarily feel like butterflies and rainbows with because that could be your comfort zone, but someone that you feel safe with. That like my grief counselor called me out and some stuff that like thank goodness she did because I wanted her to just keep me in victim, rub my back.

Right.

A good grief counselor or grief coach isn't going to be just, just rubbing your back. They're going to be giving you tools. I would ask somebody, what tools do you use? What type of person do you work with? How long do you typically work with somebody? What can I expect? Like ask the questions that are going to give you the feedback to know.

Who to work with.

Yeah. So like actually do an interview as opposed to. I just went and.

Yeah, hundred percent.

Yeah.

Tell me who should do this and like when do you know you really need to do it?

Because it sounds like everybody could benefit.

From some grief counselor.

Everybody from a mentor or a coach. Like I will stand for everyone I ever come in contact with to hire someone to help them grow.

Right.

But in terms of grief, I think if you notice that you feel really stuck in the past, if you are impatient, if you're like on the verge of tears or snapping at somebody, those are all signs that you got to move some energy and you got to process it and get it out and get some support. You know, if you find yourself going to the same friends, you know, for support over and over, like friends can hold for a little while, but it's not their job and your friendship can be hurt by it. So finding your own space so that you can actually show up more powerfully in a friendship, I would say as.

Well, yeah, that's powerful.

And lastly, tell us what you're doing in the next little bit. You're hosting an event.

Yeah. So I will be launching a six week mini course. Usually my programs are four to six months, but this is going to be a six week mini course on like attraction based living. And it's going to be managing your energy, your mindset, manifesting nervous system regulation, all of these things to really create the life that you love through attracting, not chasing. And it's.

Who is it for?

This is for any, anyone honestly who is interested in strengthening their relationships with themselves, understanding their cues, understanding how to manifest and manage their energy. In a way that's going to fuel them to their goals, not take them away. Because the truth is energy is always in motion. So if we are not experts at managing our energy, even if we think we're moving towards our goals, we could be moving away from them and creating more of a gap and manifesting what we don't want.

Right.

So yeah, anyone who's interested in that is more than welcome to join and yeah, I'm really excited about it.

Yeah, no, it's amazing. We'll throw the link for somebody to if they're interested first of all to give you a follow and then if they're interested in joining. It sounds wonderful. What I'm wondering is if it isn't more like for business mind oriented or is it just anybody who is looking for to bring more awareness into their life. It sounds like more.

Yeah, this is not going to be business based and I'm super excited about that because my roots and my background and my undergrad was in psychology and I studied social emotional learning. Like this is my passion and my roots and I'm getting much more back into the mindset and all of these types of things as my book is going to as being published and so I'm really excited to get back into the space.

Amazing. Tell us like two minutes here about your book because I think this is really, this is really cool what you have done.

Yeah. So book contract signed. We are in the publishing process and it is about the breaking down the myths of grief and actually giving a toolbox like how to identify and leverage different types of teammates, how to know your capacity, words to use, tools to use, how to have plan A, B, C and D on holidays that you don't feel trapped into certain things. And really breaking down the myth around five linear stages of grief which while I understand where it came from, I don't think it serves people well. And it can fuel that should in that timeline. And that's not how energy works. Energy is not that controlled and restrained. So it's really. And also to widen the definition of grief to be beyond the loss of life. Grief can be in a relationship, a change of job, a move, a loss of identity, loss of a pet. So grief, you know, infertility grief lives in. Yes. So I really as a bereaved mom, I think I want, I'm committed to being a permission slip for people to say oh, this is grief too or to see like this is grief too. And when they can see that then giving them the tools to navigate it.

Yeah.

And I Think, like, in my case, I didn't realize I was carrying a bunch of grief until something happens. And so it's powerful to, like, see these messages or the work that you're doing to help us recognize that, like, grief is literally, like you're constantly grieving something. It's just might not be very big.

Yep.

Yes, totally.

Thank you so much.

Thank you for being here. Do you have any last minute words before I let you go?

No, just. Let's just say I just want to honor everyone in their journey. Wherever you're at, trust that you're listening to this for a reason and, you know, really just find ways to nourish yourself and. And one day at a time, whatever that looks like.

One day at a time. Thank you so much, Melissa. Thank you guys for tuning in. And we'll see you next time.

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