56: Your Thoughts Could Be Keeping You Broke

Hello friends, and welcome to Grief Guts and Green Smoothies. I am your host, Melissa Dugalecki, and I am so excited to be here with you all to chat about ways in which we can all get through different adversities, challenges and loss and how getting outside of our comfort zone and maybe having a green smoothie or two can help us do so. We will cover different topics ranging from interviews to recipes to sharing my own stories of my grief journey and the loss of my daughter Layden. Honored to be able to share her light in hopes of helping you spread yours. Now, let's dive in. We are getting juicy today. Money mindset. This has been a huge topic that I've explored deeply with so many people I work with. One on one, we've made massive changes in their mindset around their finances. And what they find is that without having to make any more money, they find much more abundance with their money, right? They lower their debt, they get out of debt, their money mindset changes, and that changes the way that they manage their bank account. So often we look and we think that that new job is going to be what changes things. But the truth is, before you go chasing any of that, you've got to get your money mindset straight. And we are doing that here today. Money is something that a lot of times we have a hard time talking about. And the reality is, I see money as an energy exchange, right? It's an exchange of one form of energy for another form of energy. And what we need to do is be really clear in how we're moving energy inside of ourselves, outside of ourselves. And we have to be really clear on what we value and what we are aligned with and how things serve us. And suddenly money, which can feel really complicated, becomes a heck of a lot less complicated. Now, I'm going to be totally honest, one of the biggest things that I see blocking people's attempts to shift their financial state are the low vibes, right? And this is true. This is what we talk about so often, right? Low vibes of shame, fear, guilt, lack of worthiness. And these are things, these are human, human things, but they tend to essentially suffocate our ability to break through the shields, the barriers of our money mindset. And so you really want to take some time to think about, like, what are the ways in which I feel about money? Do I feel shame? Do I feel guilt? Do I feel worthiness? And begin to understand what might be stopping you from making shifts. Now, I know this all too well because I lived this. In fact, I did A really good job, getting myself in a lot of debt. At one point in my life, I remember calling from across the seas to have my credit card limits maxed. And I just saw that as like a bank account, right? You can max those credit cards. And you know, thankfully they've now changed the credit regulations. But when I was, when I was first getting credit cards, they were very loose. And I just saw, you know, opportunity to have experiences, right? To consume. To consume, to consume. And I also didn't want to deal with it. And I really thought, well, maybe if I don't open my credit card bills, they're just going to go away, right? And I joke about this. I've talked about it with many people I've worked with in the sense of like, you know, those unopened bills, they don't go away. In fact, when we ignore the things that we don't want to see, they often worsen. Which, as many of you know, that's going to happen. If we're ignoring our credit card bills, well, that interest is going to rise, our credit is going to drop, and now it's going to become more overwhelming. And when it's more overwhelming, what are we more likely to do to ignore it even more? So this is a typical cycle that can happen. And so I bring it up because what gets in the way? Shame, guilt, fear, A lack of worthiness. If you're experiencing those things, it doesn't make you weak. It makes you human. Okay? And I experienced them too, which is how I know it is so possible, right? And I've gotten completely out of debt from these money mindset shifts. It's not from a change in income. Now, I thought it was all about income. There was a time when I was switching careers and I was working as a teaching assistant. If you know, that doesn't really make more than, you know, $15,000 a year. And I was bartending and I was working at group homes for adults with disabilities. And then I was doing that full time and in a managerial position. And I thought, okay, now everything will fixed because I just like quadrupled my salary and then was back in education full time and then on a teacher's salary and then I got an administrator's role. And I thought, okay, now everything will change because I've got double the salary that I just had teaching. And I'm going to be honest with you, it had nothing to do with my annual salary. It had everything to do with my money mindset. That is what changed everything, which is why I'm Excited to talk with you all about it today because it's something that anyone can benefit from, strengthening their money money mindset. So I talked about one of the first things I want you to do when you're looking at your money mindset, and that is to think about the shame or the fear or the guilt. And we want to acknowledge that and call it out so we can release it, so that now you can begin to do the work. Because we can't do the work if all that stuff's in the way. So once you begin to let that go, and that's a process, once you begin to let that go, that you can dive in, you can dive in a little bit more deeply. And when you do that, I want you to think about what are all the messages, all the associations with money that you can write out? So I want you to write out all the messages with money. Write them all out in a Google Doc or journal them. And this is not to point any fingers. This is not to blame. This is to understand. And what were the messages that surrounded you and impacted you about money? Now, these were truths for other people in your life. It doesn't mean that they're your current truths, but it does mean that they likely impacted you. So we want to bring awareness to it. And for one thing or another, I mean, one of the truths that I had developed around money was that you could either make money or be a good person. Like, you either cared about money or you cared about being a good person. And that was probably the hardest thing for me to work through in my own money mindset. That was something that I learned a lot in my grief journey, to be honest, because I remember when, after losing Layden, I got a grief coach, and, you know, you paid out of pocket for a grief coach. It's not something that's covered in the sense of certain types of therapy. And I knew this is where I wanted to go, but I had this kind of level of anger and resentment that here I was a grieving mom, and I had to pay, you know, a couple hundred dollars a session for a grief coach or whatever it was. But I really began to examine that relationship and said, well, what expectation do I have people are helping, that they need to be doing charity work. And that is really where I began to look at this. And it was something I was almost living in. All the work that I was doing in taking care of people and trying to be a good person and help others, I was doing a lot of it at the cost of my own energy. And I don't even mean just financially. I mean my actual emotional energy. So I was burned out, I was broken down. And so in my grief journey, again, is where I began to really examine this lesson of what is my money mindset? How do I relate to money and finances? And I realized, and this was one of the hardest things for me to work through was I had formed this association, this agreement in my own head that I could either be a good person or I can make money. And so it didn't matter how much money I was making, because I was going to find ways to spend it, to drain it, to exhaust it, until I worked and resolved this agreement, this relationship in my head. When I began to see finances money as an energy exchange, and this was with my grief coach, she was bringing me this beautiful transformative energy that honestly is why I am here right now. That for me to match that exchange was going to be what led to my transformation. That if she was just the only one bringing energy, that that was going to be more like charity work, that was going to be more enabling, and that wasn't actually going to be where I changed and where I transformed. Now I'm sharing my example because it's a part of my grief journey. It's also a part of my money mindset journey. And I think it can make something that can be really intangible, such as money mindset, more tangible. There are so many different ways that we can relate to money, and that was one way for me, of many ways, right? It could be if you really love people, that you spend money, right? It could be that when you hold, you get money, you don't know when you're going to get money again, so you hoard it, you hold on to it. For some that I've worked with, they formed associations that money is a sign of success. For others, money is a sign of guilt. There are a place of contentment or frustration. Money represents a lack of love. So it's so unique. So I want you to go and spend some time. You can hit pause honestly, go do it right now. If you really want to improve your money mindset, go do it right now and write out all these messages and beliefs that you've had around money. Now, once you've done that, you can hit play again. And I want you to really examine it and look at this and how are these things playing out? Now take the Bible, if you have the Bible, and begin to highlight things that associate. So anything that has to do with, like a scarcity mindset, do it, you know, highlight it in like, I don't know, yellow. Anything that has to do with something around love or worthiness, highlight that in green or whatever other colors you want. But start color coding and finding patterns. This is where you're going to get really specific. This is something that I love doing. I do it with so many people in so many different aspects of their life. It really works for my mindset, among other things. When you're looking at relationships, but in understanding your relationship with money, start looking at the foundational things that impacted you as you were growing up. And from there you get to rewrite the script. I want you to actually write out your relationship with money going forward. How money can flow to you. It can flow through you, right? And you use it in ways of moving energy. And then it flows from you. It's this cycle. It flows to you, through you, from you. And allowing that. Now, this can be affirmations that you work in. But start writing out this trust that you have in your relationship with money. Start working manifestations around your finances. You doing all of these things and recognizing money is just another energy exchange. It's it. Now I'm going to talk about some of the biggest challenges that I see people facing in their relationship with money. Now, this isn't necessarily money mindset. I want to really distinguish the difference between money mindset and your relationship with money. Now we just about money mindset and how you can shift your money mindset to shift your financial state. The other place to look if you are looking to improve your financial situation is in your relationship with money. Now, if money is an energy exchange, how are we exchanging energy? And this begins to improve when we become completely clear and in control of our own energy each day, every day. And we start on these tiny little levels of being aware of what vibes we need, of how we're feeling, of tuning into what our needs are, what our wants are, what's aligned, what's being resisted. Honestly, doing these things is going to change the state of your bank account. I promise, I promise. It's impossible for it not to, because money is an energy exchange. And so if you are changing the way that you exchange energy within yourself internally, and then the way that you exchange energy externally, that is going to show up in all different areas of your life. It's going to show up in relationships, it's going to show up in work, it's going to show up in your health and your fitness and your finances. All of these places where we see energy exchanges. The problem is so often as we look at those as the things we want to change, right? We look at relationships or work or fitness or finances, like those are the things we have to change. The truth is we've got to change the energy dynamics underneath them. We've got to change the energy dynamics fueling them. That's the work that has to be done to create change. So I want to share a couple of trends that I see that get in the way of people reaching their financial goals and give you a solution so you have some more tangible stuff here. I love tangible stuff. I love intangible, I love tangible. I love it all. It's all good stuff to talk about, right? So we just did a lot of work on money mindset. Now we're going to talk more about your relationship with finances. Common things that will thwart our ability to reach our financial goals comes down to an energy exchange. So we can be spending money to feel whole, right? We have this emptiness inside of us and to fill it by buying something that makes us feel worthy, right? Buying that designer bag or buying that trip or buying something that we feel like we, quote, unquote, deserve. Another habit or relationship manifestation that can be surfacing is spending because we're exhausted. Like we are so energetically exhausted, we deplete ourselves, we run ourselves down. And then one way that we, quote, unquote, refill is by spending money, either getting things or experiences or foods or just things that are going to lessen that feeling of emptiness, of loneliness, of exhaustion. Another common one is spending. Because we don't feel as though we're good enough. Our worthiness feels dependent on certain things. This is where oftentimes we can get caught up in labels or wearing the same clothes someone else is wearing. Because then we feel like we're connected or we're worthy. This can relate to a lot of social pressures and comparison that we feel. So notice these things. They're energy exchanges, right? This energy exchange to feel whole, this energy exchange to not feel depleted and exhausted, this energy exchange to feel worthy. Now, we can talk all day about money, but it's until we address feeling whole, not feeling depleted and feeling worthy, that's where the change exists. That's where the change is going to transpire, which is why it often doesn't matter how much money is on our paychecks. It's those are the things that are going to impact our financial state. Now, I don't associate price tag as the value of things. And I think what everyone values is different. And this is exactly consistent with what I teach in our foods, how we spend our time, in our relationships and our choices and all of that, it's different. But it comes down to looking at what's the value of something to you, what's the energy exchange that's transpiring here and how does it serve you? How does it serve you? And looking at these things, I don't believe something has value on it just because it has a high price tag. I also don't believe that something just because it has a high price tag means that it shouldn't be invested in. It comes down to value and alignment, right? So let's stop looking at price and let's replace that with what the value is and based on where we value it. What's the energy exchange that is happening? What's the energy exchange that's happening? And this is going to come down a lot to your goals, your priorities, what you are seeking to achieve, what you are seeking to cultivate. So different times in our lives, it is going to look differently. For me, at one point, it was, you know, my grief coach. For now, it is a different type of coaching. But for me, that coaching has been really important. That has been something that I personally really value because I have seen the energy exchange and how well it serves me and what I want to do now. This isn't going to be everyone else's truth. There are other people who align much more with other types of, you know, valuing other things. Maybe more in the arts or in music or in things that don't necessarily align with me energetically, but they really align and fuel somebody else. And that's beautiful, right? So it's not about what's right or wrong. Right. But it's understanding what am I valuing, what's the energy exchange and how does it serve me? Money is one of those things that we don't like to talk about a lot, but it kind of goes along with grief because we don't like to talk about grief either. But here's the thing, friends, is in order to make progress in grief, in finances and anything, we got to talk about it. We got to talk about it to learn and to move forward. Right? We don't talk about it to sit in the past or to sit in that stale energy. It's to go back, to learn and to look forward with this new revitalized energy that is truly aligned. So as you are seeking to improve and shift and grow your financial state to be where you want it to be, one really look at your money mindset really, really look at your money mindset. Do that activity. If you didn't do it, I hope you already did it, but do it. If you didn't do it, get that done. And then secondarily look at your relationship with money. Two different things, right? Money mindset and your relationship with both have to be cleaned up for you to make changes. So look at what are the energy exchanges that your money is going to, that your finances are going to. How do you value these different things? What are you receiving in exchange, right? Is this connected to feeling whole or not feeling depleted or not feeling exhausted or feeling worthy? Can we tend to those differently so that you can exchange energy differently and change your relationship with finances? And start by looking at what's the value, what's the energy exchange and how does it serve me? I hope this was helpful for you. If you have questions on this, I have some really other tangible tips we can dive into. Let me know. I can do a whole other episode on it. I'm happy to share them with you as well. But time to just talk about money, right? Talk about grief, talk about money. Again, I thank Layden because she helped me really understand this and unpack for me what was blocking me. And so I hope by sharing I can help and support you in your journey because that is my little laden spreading her light in your life. And nothing makes me happier as her mom than to see and hear and know that her light is shining. So if her light is shining for you, thank you so much for being here and helping spread this amazing work that Leden has brought into this work in her own way. And I'm just grateful and honored to be a vessel for everything that Layden taught and continues to teach. Again, if this resonates with you and you want to help share, please go ahead and rate and review on itunes. It just takes a second and it helps get Layden's light out there and help other families and children as well. Have an amazing week and we will talk soon.