60: 3 Ways we CAN grow through Coronavirus

Hello friends, and welcome to Grief Guts and Green Smoothies. I am your host, Melissa Dugalecki, and I am so excited to be here with you all to chat about ways in which we can all get through different adversities, challenges and loss, and how getting outside of our comfort zone and maybe having a green smoothie or two can help us do so. We will cover different topics, ranging from interviews to recipes, to sharing my own stories of my grief journey and the loss of my daughter Layden. And I'm honored to be able to share her light in hopes of helping you spread yours. Now let's dive in. Hello, friends. This is a challenging time in our world with the threat of coronavirus worldwide and the impact that's having on so many people. And for me personally, I have found that not only does it trigger grief, so for many of you, it could trigger loss, grief, trauma, a lot of unknown uncertainty, right? Those feelings, those energies. But I'm also relying on a lot of my tools from grief. So today I want to share three different ways that we can actually find growth through this very unwelcome challenge. And I preface that with unwelcome because just like losing Laden, I wish I didn't learn or grow in the way that I had. Right. I would take Leiden back any day, but I don't have that choice. So I've chosen growth. And much like the threat that we're all currently facing, every one of us I'm sure would choose to not learn in order to not have this threat. But we have the threat. We don't have the choice around that. So now together we have the choice to learn. And I want to do that with you by sharing these three strategies today. So these three things are, are strategies I've talked about in different ways, but that feel really relevant right now. I've been coaching a lot of people, whether it's in move or one on one, or even our business builders in 90 day to implement these mindset strategies during this challenging time. Especially now, what happens is during times of chaos, stress, overwhelm, unknown, fight or flight kicks in. And what do we do? We want to flee, we want to fight. Essentially we take that toolbox we've been carrying around, kind of picking up our tools, putting it in the toolbox. We take that toolbox and we literally throw it in the air, let the tools fall and we run away and we go to those instinctual fight or flight weapons. Like we, we drop our tools and we grab our weapons essentially, but we don't want to do that. We really need to hold on to our tools. And this is what we cultivate them for, right? We build our tools and, you know, quote unquote, regular life so that we can call on them in quote unquote, stressful, overwhelmed, dire situation life, right? Quote unquote, whatever it may be. But we don't build our tools to just kind of sit on the shelf, right? We don't use them only when things are going well. We need them, especially when things are challenging. And I just want to reinforce that because so often I'm hearing, well, it's too hard right now or there's too much going on. And I just want to say, I know, I understand, I see you, I feel that. But I'm going to hold this line, right? I'm going to hold this steady, this place of like, now more than ever, we have to dig in and use our tools. And the first tool is using the word and. And what. What using the word and does is it opens up space for growth. Because we know that this is a huge threat, right? We know that there's uncertainty. We know that it's creating chaos and fear. There's lives being lost. And we know that there are a lot of traumas and griefs and different things surfacing and possibly at intense levels that aren't necessary, but with the unknowns and the uncertains, they're there, right? It's at that level. This is the world we live in. So we know all that to be true if we don't insert the word. And that is our only truth, right? So I just want to say that again, if we don't insert the and that is our only truth, because we've already established that to be the truth of the world right now. So by using the word and we also open ourselves up to creating space for growth and for beauty. This is why it is step strategy tool number one, however you want to integrate it. Because we've got to make space for the growth. And by growth, I mean we're finding opportunities to do less, right? To consume less, to be less busy, to probably spend less money. Although I'm sure Amazon is overextended right now, right? But we're finding ways to get by with what we have at home, to not have to run around in circles, to connect more deeply with people that we love. We're finding ways to prioritize what matters, to let go of what doesn't. And we're finding ways to be more compassionate as humans, more empathetic, more courageous, to be more still and These things are possible because of these circumstances that we're in. So we've got to use the word and to also see these, in my opinion, if we don't, we are disservicing the challenge that we're facing. We're disservicing the people at the front lines fighting us. We're disservicing the professionals making difficult decisions and the healthcare workers providing. We're disservicing all of that work if we don't do our part to learn. I believe it is our responsibility to learn through this, because if we learn through this, we are honoring it. And that's how I've treated my grief journey, right? I believe it's my responsibility to learn through it because then I'm honoring my daughter Layden's life. And now everyone has a different stance. But this is mine. This is what I want to share, this is what I want to spread, and this is what I believe will serve you very well. The second tool, strategy, whatever you want to term it is we have the opportunity right now to get really darn good at controlling our energy. Because the media, social media, whatever you see out there, the signs, the desolate streets, the unknowns, they are going to take us to highs and lows and highs and lows and highs and lows. Nobody else is going to put up boundaries for us. Nobody else is going to create our study. Nobody else is going to tell us what to tune into, what to tune out of, what to focus on, right? So we are the only ones that can choose what energy, what vibes we attach to at any given moment. We're the only ones who are in the driver's seat of doing that. And that's true day after day after day. In, you know, this current coronavirus impacted life and in regular life, right? That's true in day to day, but it's much more intense right now, right? It's much like grief. Like grief takes a magnifying glass to things, right? So does, you know, trauma, stress, chaos, those are the energies of grief. So those energies are present right now, and that's why this is so important. It's not. Grief is not just loss. Grief is a number of energies and those energies apply widely, right, to times of chaos and uncertainty and unknown. That's grief, right? So we're collectively worldwide experiencing energies of grief. So we've got that magnifying glass and we've got that magnifying glass up to the importance of us learning how to control our energy. Because if we don't think of it like a ping pong, a ping pong machine. We are just bouncing around, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down until we fall flat, right? Until we break down, until we make that online purchase to just get that energy release or we snap at somebody or we grab that drink or we eat that snack we don't need. Or we just binge into Netflix, right? By controlling our energy, we don't need to seek those outlets of release in unhealthy ways. Now we all need outlets of release, sure. But when we control our energy, we're aware of what we need. Do we need a little more time in the morning? Do we need to wind down in the evening? Do we need a midday break? Do we have to get in that yoga flow a few minutes of a walk? Do we need to shut off that TV or unfollow an account? What do we need? Can we proactively be aware of our needs by being aware of our energy? We cannot be aware of our needs if we're not aware of our energy. So right now, like it or not, this is an amazing opportunity to get really good, I'm talking like ninja level good at controlling our energy. And the last tool growth. Now there are many, many, many. But the last one I want to cover right now, that feels really important, right? Really present, is letting go of trying to control other people's energy, right? We have this amazing opportunity right now, this magnifying glasses. We're all watching each other, right? We're all, you know, quarantine headquarters or whatever it may be, but we're all watching each other on social media, through text, phone calls, FaceTime, whatever it may be, TV. And there's a lot of temptation to judge. There's a lot of temptation to criticize. There's a lot of temptation to compare. Like it or not, right now, Coronavirus is giving us the amazing opportunity to let go of those low vibes that are going to drain us, right? Of judgment, of blame, of finger pointing, of comparison, of comparison, competing. It's going to allow us to find the opportunity to let go of trying to control or manipulate how anybody else acts, right? How many times do we want to say something or post something or do something because we want to try and control somebody else's choice or behavior. We got to let go of that now. We can influence, we can impact, we can encourage, but we got to detach from their choice and we got to focus on our own energy. It becomes A whole lot easier to do when you're doing strategy and tool number two when you're focused on your own energy. So right now, like it or not, we have this beautiful opportunity to let go of trying to control, predict, manipulate other people's choices or behaviors. Now we may need to set a boundary with them, right? We may just set a boundary, either directly or indirectly by communicating with them. A boundary that we need or just indirectly setting it right by turning something off or unfollowing an account or refraining from conversations. We may need to have direct, vulnerable conversations, right? I've been coaching a lot of people on this lately with, you know, family members who maybe are putting themselves in positions of risk, and it's scaring them to be able to, instead of trying to control them or yell at them or lash out at them, to just have that honest, direct, vulnerable conversation of, hey, I'm scared, that scares me. I don't want to lose you. And you can choose whatever you want. It's your choice. But I just need you to know that it really scares me. And I'd love it if you considered that. And you don't have to. And now we're owning our truths. We're leading with love instead of, why are you doing that? That's not very loving. That's judgmental. We're leading with love. We're owning our truths, and we're detaching from that other person's choice. We're detaching from outcome. And I'm not asserting that these are welcome or easy strategies and tools to build, but I am asserting that it's opportunistic. In my opinion. It's responsible. And it's also very possible, because imagine if collectively, all of us impacted by this, all of us feeling these energies of grief, all of us feeling this fight or flight that may kick in. Imagine if we all learned to integrate the word and a little bit more intentionally, a little bit more profoundly, to make space for the possibility of growth, to make space for the beauty that exists in the midst of the challenge. Imagine if we all learn to control our energy a little more effectively, to not get drawn into these highs and these lows, but to create our own sense of study, to be our anchor in the ways to ground down in the chaos. And imagine if we all chose to learn and become a little bit stronger in our ability to let go of other people's choices. Not judging, not comparing, not manipulating, but just honoring and communicating, Right? Honoring and communicating, owning our truths and allowing other people to own theirs too. And maybe those vulnerable conversations will actually build relationships. Right. And strengthen that. And that, in my opinion, is an added bonus and something I personally experienced. Right. When instead of choosing to lead with that fear, right. That anger of how can you choose that? That's scaring me, or how can you choose that? That's, you know, impacting me with that. When you choose that, it scares me because I love you. Right. Those are the same energies at the core and two very different conversations. So imagine if we all chose to do these three things well, then the threat going on in the world, right? The healthcare providers who are working around the clock to put themselves at risk in certain situations to keep our world safe. The professionals who are analyzing data and research and have the tools to make the difficult decisions, right? The informed and educated decisions that are going to impact all of us. Imagine if we let all of them do their jobs and we chose to make our job about growth, about honoring the challenge that's going on, not resisting it, honoring it, becoming a little bit more stronger individually so we can become stronger collectively. That while not easy, while not welcome, while not convenient, that is a beautiful and a powerful thing. And I hope that by thinking about it here together, it allows you to create a little bit more space to do that. And if so, well, then I'm one happy mama because I'm taking the lessons that my daughter Layden taught me through her own battle in her life and the loss and the grief that I've experienced. I'm taking those lessons from Laden and shining them so that you can shine them in your own way in your life. So I thank you so very much for that. Because as Laden's mom, nothing means more. Be well friends, be kind, wash your hands and talk soon.