76: Your Core Values = Your Core Asset

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Welcome to Grief and Guts. I'm your host, Melissa Dugulecki. It is my honor and privilege to serve you by sharing stories, tools, interviews and strategies that will help you transition from what do I do now? How do I get through this? Those feelings of overwhelm and uncertainty to truly standing in your power. From my grief journey in losing my daughter laden in 2014 that I learned.

Practiced, was exposed to all these tools.

But they are not grief specific. In fact, they apply universally to all of our unique situations. You've already done the hard part by showing up, by opening up to something new. So without any further ado, let's get to the good stuff that's going to help you in your journey. Let's dive in.

I've been talking a lot about relationships and personal responsibility. And guys, this is not light lifting. Like this is not our lightest content. Now that's okay. We're pacing, we're doing the best we can. Ask questions. And I really encourage you. Like, if something doesn't feel like it resonates with you, write it down. Think about it, because there's a reason for that. It could be triggering you and that's where you need to go. It could be something to open up to. But there's no right or wrong. Right. I don't encourage or expect everyone to hear every single thing and just agree seamlessly. Now it's totally aligned, great. But if not, that's okay. And being okay with that is a huge part of being able to improve our relationships with people and take personal responsibility. So what I want to give you guys today is something that really helps in having difficult conversations internally and externally. Now remember, have an event. It's like a workshop at the end of this month all about how to remaster our relationship. So it's on Zoom. It's July 28th. It is going to be me doing a lot of teaching deeper on these things around relationships with parents, with colleagues, relationships with siblings and common things that pop up with friends. Friends especially a lot. Right now. They're being going on in the world in Covid so going to be talking a lot about that. Now I know that some of this can feel a little bit more personal. So no worries. You can come and go under somebody else's zoom if you want. You can throw off your camera or pop on and let me see your face. Either one is fine. It doesn't matter. I just want you to know that you have access to this tool that I think is going to be super helpful for you. It could be if you're grieving, right? The grief community here. If you're grieving, like, how to navigate that in relationships? If you're going through any trauma, how to navigate that relationship. So I'm really stoked. And right now I'm just going to give you one little tip and tool that is very helpful, and that is actually defining your own core values. Defining your own core values. Now, I know that may seem weird and that may seem like, well, you know, people will very quickly be like, well, I'm honest and I'm nice, and I want you to go deeper than that. I want you to go deeper than that. Like, and what does honest mean to you? Define it, right? Does honest just mean not lying? Does honest mean only saying things that are true? But maybe you just avoid other truths that are uncomfortable, right? Does honest mean telling people what you think even if they haven't asked for it? Right? Because you believe that you want to be honest now. So this word honest can look so different for everyone, right? Same thing with being nice. Does nice mean being outgoing? Does it mean being friendly? Does it mean giving compliments? And then I want you to think, if one of my core values is giving compliments, why, Right? Is it because I want to receive them back? And that gets into giving and receiving. We're not going to go there now. But really thinking about, like, what are my core values? Right? What are my core values? And, you know, for me, it's personal growth, right? It's standing in truth. It's honoring everybody's authentic experience. Like, honoring everybody's authentic experience. I really value having uncomfortable conversations. It's something that's really contributed to my growth. One of my core values is being a safe place. So another core value. And to be safe, for me, that means nonjudgmental, non critical, right? But to, without judgment, stand in uncomfortable truths, right? That's why our staff team did our Persona parents. Like, who would be the people who birthed us? And Bill Belichick was one of mine. And if you could see my face right now, I'm smiling because he's like my hero. But in all seriousness, what I love about him is it's just like, what's the goal? What needs to be accomplished? What's getting in the way? Let's not sugarcoat it. Let's just, like, stand in this and get better, right? Watch film to get better, right? Not to beat ourselves up. And so I love that, right? Ignoring the noise is one of his things. So I love that. So, you know, for me, when I really became clear on, like, okay, well, I very highly value not judging, not criticizing. I want to create a safe place. I want people to feel like they can share their truths, right? I want to stand in truth, and I want to be able to stand in difficult truths, even if that means making people uncomfortable or making myself uncomfortable. I can't stand in difficult truths with other people if I don't stand in difficult truths with myself. We talk about this all the time. We cannot give something that we haven't cultivated within. I have difficult conversations with myself every damn day, guys. It's exhausting and it's transformative, right? And that's why I'm so committed to it. I really value bringing lightness and play and, like, a little bit of sarcasm. That's something that, if you know me well, you know that that's kind of a big part of who I am. So, you know, but really sticking with, like, what are your core values? What do you value? And you might expand. You might have some secondary ones. But the reason I want you to do this and I want you to define what it actually means to you is because it will make making difficult decisions or having difficult conversations a whole lot easier. Now, in your relationships, it's your job to stay aligned with your core values of who you are, right? And to speak honestly and directly to somebody else and allow them to stand with theirs. And then you just look at alignment, right? But if you are disappointing somebody or not pleasing somebody because you are aligned with your core values, that's not a you issue. That's a them issue, right? Maybe they have an expectation that you're responsible for more of your happiness. Then you're. You're not responsible for their happiness. Maybe they have a boundary issue. Maybe they have their own bags they're carrying of the way people related to them or treated them, and they're trying to carry that into the container of your relationship. So you gotta be super clear on your core values. And, like, kind of. It's almost in a way, like talking about picking your battles, right? Those are the battles to pick. Like, let the other stuff go, right? But stand in your core values. Like, stand in what they are. It's also gonna help you in the concept of personal responsibility. Like, what am I owning here? Right? What am I owning here? And is this in alignment with what I say that I value? And. And if not, how do I bring it into alignment? So I hope this is a fun kind of activity. I know sometimes I use the fun around these things, and clients will look at Me like, Melissa, this is not fun. Like, this is not fun. But I will say, try and, like, bring a little bit of fun, Bring like a little bit of lightness and play like you guys are doing the work. It's amazing. It's really amazing. And it leads to so much, right? So come up with your core values, right? Come up with them. What are they? What do you want? How do you want to be seen? Who are your Persona parents? Think about that too, right? I mean, just kind of like off roading here. But you know what? Mooch and I did, and I wanted all of our staff team to write down who are. Think of, you know, some famous people who would be the two personalities that you would say I'm a combination of. And, you know, for me, it was Bill Belichick and Yoda. And I'm like, gosh, that's exactly what I wanted. I mean, what did I just tell you guys, right? I just told you guys that I wanted to be a really safe place, right? I think Yoda's pretty safe, but I want to stand in difficult truths and just, like, grow. And that's Bill Belichick, in my opinion. So, you know, I felt good about that. Now it's interesting how you might show up to different people. Like, my brothers might have a different opinion about who my Persona parents would be. Staying with my parents, we show up differently, right? In aspects. Right? In aspects. To different people in our lives. So check that out. But first, first, first come up with your core values, right? It's just like, we have to take personal responsibility first before we go and build our relationships. We've got to first come up with our own core values before you kind of ask other people how they perceive you and see how you show up, right? See how you show up and let me know what you think about Yoda and Bill Belichick or if there are other Persona parrots that you would have as mine. I definitely had some Mel Robbins in there. I forget who else I'd have to look, but it was a fun activity. I really enjoyed doing my core values. It's something that I revisit a lot. I will write them down usually, like once a week, but I'll just try and affirm a core value here or there. Like, I value this, I stand in this, I bring this, I do this. And I'm just affirming. I'm bringing in this concept of affirmations to, like, who I am energetically, right? And how I give and receive in this world. So I hope this is helpful for you guys. I'm super excited to hear about what your core values are. I'm super excited to hear about who your Persona parents are. And if you want to join the free event, it's on Zoom. Shoot me a DM or check out Move with MM's Instagram page. The link should be there in the bio. Or again, just message me because I like chatting with you guys. Anyways, as always, send me your questions and thank you for holding space for me to shine the lessons that I have learned from Leiden. It allows me to shape her legacy and shine her light. But I do so with Truly, deep down from my heart, just the goal of helping you shine your brightest. Because nothing means more to me than a Slayton's movie mom to be able to help others in her name and help you live your best, most fulfilling life because you absolutely deserve it. And I'm sending you love. We'll talk soon.

Thank you all so much for being here at Grief and Guts as Layden's mom. Being able to spread the stories, the strategies, the lessons I have learned through Layden and from Layden is the thing that means the most to me in this world and allowing my daughter's short life to have long and lasting impact.

By shining her light.

Truly, nothing means more if you align with and believe in the work that we're doing here in these messages. The best way to give back and to spread this out into the world is to rate and review on Spotify and on itunes. Thank you for taking just a moment to do that. Feel free to shoot me a message. Let me know what you want to hear more of, what you want to see see more of. I am here to serve. I'm grateful to do so, and I'm cheering you on in your journeys.

Always.