79: Keep Going - Understanding the Breakthrough Moment

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Welcome to Grief and Guts. I'm your host, Melissa Dugulecki. It is my honor and privilege to serve you by sharing stories, tools, interviews and strategies that will help you transition from what do I do now? How do I get through this? Those feelings of overwhelm and uncertainty to.

Truly standing in your power.

From my grief journey in losing my daughter laden in 2014, that I learned, practiced, was exposed to all these tools, but they are not grief specific. In fact, they apply universally to all of our unique situations. You've already done the hard part by showing up, by opening up to something new. So without any further ado, let's get to the good stuff that's going to help you in your journey.

Let's dive in today. I want to tell you to keep going. And I know this sounds so cliche, but there's a lot going on right now. This has not been the, you know, easiest of years. There's been a lot of challenges, a lot of changes, a lot of unknowns, a lot of mixed opinions, a lot of heightened emotions. Add all of that globally on top of what you are caring individually, and that can be a lot, right? That can be a lot. And I want to share a couple stories with you and not only tell you to keep going, but tell you why to keep going, why it's so important that you keep going and let you know how much I believe in you. So this concept of keep going, you know, it's something that a friend of mine said to me and I think about it a lot. It was a moment. It was after a breath work session and I had a lot come up. I was bawling, I just, I had, I felt laid in during this breathwork session. I had felt my grief and I was really overwhelmed. And I was also feeling conflicted because I was out in LA speaking at an event, you know, on a panel with the boss babes. And I was sitting there like, this is like a dream. And this is also like a nightmare, right? Like, Layden's gone. And I had all of these mixed emotions, honestly. I remember sitting there being like, the boss babes right here. Just took a picture with them, chatting with them, spoke on the panel with them. I'm kind of living my dream. And yet this is a nightmare. This is a nightmare. My daughter's dead. And so it was after this breathwork session, I had all of this come up. I turned and just at that moment, my friend was right there and I just kind of collapsed on his shoulder and he just held space for me and Just said, keep going, keep going. And I was like, oof. I wanted to make it so much more complicated than that. I wanted to make it about what to do, how to do it. Was this right? Where's Leyden? And the reality is, is that he was right. Like, it was just a keep going moment. And it's those moments when we're digging. And for me, this was through an actual breathwork ceremony. But when we're actually digging and we're moving and we're releasing, it's painful. And that's exactly where we need to keep going. And the why is because it's in those moments. A lot of times we want to retreat, we want to run away, and we want to say, like, this is too much. I can't do it. This is too much. I can't do it. And that is when the breakthroughs are really right on the other side. So I want you to understand, like, and it's cyclical. I hate to be the one to tell you guys that, but it's cyclical. It's not going to be like, I get through the breakthrough, and it's smooth sailing forever. Sorry, guys. I really value being completely honest with you guys. So it's not. But the more we release our expectation for things to be perfect, the more we build our muscle for handling adversity, the easier it becomes, right? As we go through these things, they don't become like punches in the gut every time. Now, a lot of times when people start doing work, especially people I'm working with, they haven't been doing this work, right? We haven't been taught to. As a society, more and more we're learning, but as a society, we haven't been taught to do this work. So people are digging and releasing decades, decades, decades of stuff. Traumas, loss, grief, assaults. I mean, I. A lot of stuff is coming up. And I was working with somebody who, you know, we started working together, I don't know, months and months ago, and really made some huge strides. And there was a phase recently where it was, like, physically sick, hated it, resistant, maybe borderline resentful of me at times. But she kept showing up. And we didn't put pressure on a timeline. We just kept doing the work, steering the process, digging, digging, digging, digging. And she has released, like, decades of stuff. And we got on a meeting, on a call last week, and she's like, I don't even know what happened. It was this moment, this moment of, like, I just felt this complete clarity, this complete release, you know, just like, it felt like something in the movies or something biblical. It felt like something greater than her. And she had that. I've had those moments, and they're always on the other side of a struggle. And I had somebody else who I was working through with, you know, for a few months. And she was really working through a trauma that hasn't been really shared or talked about. And, you know, we're digging and we're releasing and we're doing it. And, you know, she kept having, you know, maybe nightmares or overwhelmed feelings or I can't do this, and didn't want to do the mind work or the journaling. And that was okay. We just kept steering the process. And she has had a massive breakthrough. In fact, I think she wants to come on here and share her story with all of you. And holy cow, talk about. Talk about like a 180, right? A 180 of stepping into her power. But it was because she kept going, right? Myself, there been so many times. It was like, you know, I'll never. Like, it just feels like that one thing and you're like, I can't take anymore. I can't take anymore. Like, I remember when the tree that we had adopted, if you haven't heard the story of Blazing's tree, in grief, I borrowed somebody's tree, thinking they wouldn't mind sharing. I'm sure they didn't mind sharing. In the Boston Public Garden in a place that was very special to us and decorated it and running by it one day and the trees cut down. It was a stump. And that was a moment of, like, amazing. You know, I can laugh about it. You know, it's. It's very ironic, right? But even more ironic was true. Was sick. And I literally remember, like, looking up in the air yelling, like, what? Why? And I felt like my being punished and I was dealing with, like, a lot of mom guilt and feeling like, you know, did I make living sick? What did I do? What did I miss? And so I was projecting that onto this tree, like I was being punished. And that wasn't the case, you know, but it brought up a lot for me. And that's. That's an easier example. But, I mean, there were. I can't tell you guys how many times I've wanted to quit, how many times I wanted to quit. And I will tell you that I don't really have those experiences now about wanting to quit now. Tangerine get frustrated, exhausted. But because of the amount and the depth of personal work that I have and continue to do, I've Been able to really work through those moments and now like, it's like they lessen in intensity because you just keep clearing stuff out. Clearing stuff out, Clearing stuff out, right? We don't realize how much we trap and how much we carry. And I trapped and carried a lot, not only from Laden, but from stuff before Laden that I didn't realize I was carrying. Right. Grief gave me the landscape to really work through, through that. And so, you know, I hear those words that my friend said a lot and it was, it was really authentic. It was really unplanned. It was just kind of like turning and seeing and collapsing and a wanting like to question and doubt everything. But really I was on the verge of another breakthrough and all I needed to remember was to keep going. And I want to be that voice for you today. I have worked with hundreds, hundreds of clients. Hundreds. You know, I've had somebody who, you know, I coach mindset. It doesn't matter if it's in one on one coaching. It doesn't matter if it's in move or if it's a 90 day. I'm doing it in all of these places, right? I mean business building, a lot of it's mindset guys, a lot of it, right? If you're an entrepreneur, you are your business. You cannot separate the way your mind works from the way your business runs. You just can't. So I do a lot of mind work in 90 day CEO and you know, I had somebody and it's like I have to make, I had to make her uncomfortable and gave her answers she didn't want and said to her, I could do this. If you want me to do that, I will. If you want me to coach you in that way, I will do that. But here's why I don't believe it's in your best interest. I believe it's enabling, I believe it's avoiding and I believe it's not actually serving you. I'm here to serve you. But you're also an adult of free will. So if you don't want me to coach you in this way, I won't. This is why I think it's really important. It's so uncomfortable. I can't do it. It's so triggering. And I'm like, this is where I really want to coach and be a support with you to keep going. She had a massive breakthrough, massive breakthrough in her business. It wasn't immediate. It was like a week. It was like a week or two. It wasn't that long. And you know, the next Thing you know, is, you know, she's thanking. Right? She's thanking me. And she truly understands now that those places, places of discomfort, those moments that I want to quit are the moments where the growth lies. So now what happens right when that moment of I want to quit, when that moment of discomfort comes, instead of fleeing from it like she kind of programmed herself to do, which is human. Okay, guys, this is human. But instead of fleeing from it like she had programmed herself to do, she was able to breathe through it and grow through it. And eventually, eventually, this is like what I've worked really hard for. And I just want to let you know it's possible. Eventually you embrace it and you're like, this is going to hurt, right? It's going to hurt. Oh, but this is exactly where the growth lies. So keep going. Keep going, Keep going. And remember that going doesn't always mean forcing or pushing harder. We don't want to do any of that. It just means we keep progressing. Right? We don't avoid. When I say keep going, it means like, don't avoid. Don't quit, don't back down. Don't give up. Trust the process, Right? Trust the process. Another way you can say trust the process. Keep going. You got this. There's a lot going on in this world right now. I'm sure there's a lot going on with you right now. A lot of unknowns about what the fall looks like. I mean, there's a lot. Any ways I can support you, please reach out. It is so important to connect and employ resources where we need to, where we can. Right? It's. Don't allow the ego to stop you from reaching out, whether it's to me or somebody else. Don't allow the ego to stop you from reaching out to me or someone else. And that ego of fear, that ego of I don't need help. That ego of I'm not worthy. You are worthy. We all need support to continue to grow and expand. In fact, I believe we're here to help each other grow and expand. Otherwise, we just live in a universe of ourselves. Right? And you are absolutely worthy. You're absolutely worthy. And there's no fear, because anyone who's in the work of servicing and of helping welcomes these connections. So I'm sending you so much love reminder to keep going from my heart and my soul to yours. And we will talk soon.

Thank you all so much for being here at Grief and Guts as Layden's mom. Being able to spread the stories, the strategies, the lessons ahead have learned through Laden and from Layden is the thing that means the most to me in this world and allowing my daughter's short life to have long and lasting impact.

By shining her light.

Truly, nothing means more if you align with and believe in the work that we're doing here in these messages. The best way to give back and to spread this out into the world is to rate and review on Spotify and on itunes. Thank you for taking just a moment.

To could do that.

Feel free to shoot me a message. Let me know what you want to hear more of, what you want to see more of. I am here to serve. I'm grateful to do so, and I'm.

Cheering you on in your journeys.

Always.