Sept 2: The Messy Middle: Emily Ford on Reinventing Your Brand and Yourself

I needed to break down a lot of strongholds that I had. I love, like putting stuff together and designing, but I hid that side of myself for so long. You know, why can I sit here right now and talk to you about masculine and feminine and business? Because I once burnt out like, God, what do you want me to do? Use me. Let me be a vessel. Make it known, like, who am I and what am I even good at? But the messy middle is the in between of. Oh, my gosh.

All right, everybody, welcome back. I am so excited to introduce you to today's amazing guest. We're reporting live from neither of our home cities. No, no. We are here in Coeur d', Alene, Idaho, meeting in real life for the first time. But it's interesting and we'll get into this, but like how you can energetically feel, I think even through apps and the Internet. But anyways, please help me in joining Emily Ford, who is an unbelievable brand expert, brand strategist, brand master, global speaker, and incredibly integrity driven human. So, Emily, thank you for being here.

I'm so honored to be here. And like, how fun is it that we're meeting up in Coeur d'? Alene?

I know, it's perfect.

It is so perfect.

Yeah, it's wonderful. So I would love for, for anyone tuning in to learn a little bit about, you know, we were talking about messy middle before this. Yeah, Right. And so anyone who's seeing your journey now, you know, probably, I think it's very common where people can look at where somebody's at and assume that they were always there.

Oh, 100%. Yes.

So let the people learn a little about you. Whatever you feel like, you know, inspired to share, whatever feels authentic for you.

Yeah, it's so important, like you see the highlight reel. Right. And depending on where you've met me in the journey, like if you're new to me or if you've been somebody who's been with me for the past decade, the people that have been with for the past decade, they've. They've been following me throughout new businesses, new relationships, all the things. But something that is really on my heart to talk about is this thing called the messy middle. Okay, what does that even. What does it mean to me? Well, I started with a health and wellness company when I was 23, flat broke living in Minnesota. I like figured it out, became a seven figure earner by the time I was 26. Like, changed my life, did that for a long time. And then I knew that, I knew that, I knew that it just, like, my energy was dropping doing it, and I needed to move on with my life, which was scary, which was, well, what am I if I don't do this? And, you know, my identity is so wrapped up in that business. And, you know, following that call, though, of curiosity, like, I need to explore new things. I Like, I just. When you know, you know that your time is up in a season, right? But then navigating the past handful of years of, well, what is the next thing? You know, what is the next business? And who am I and what are. What talents and gifts do I have that I could actually create something that's epic? And so the messy middle is that period of. It's not like it. You know, when it's. It.

Right.

When you start a new business or find the person you're gonna marry, you know, it's it. The messy middle is the in between that nobody really talks about when you're gonna have to find yourself, accept yourself.

Right.

For me, I needed to break down a lot of strongholds that I had in my mind, and those are basically just limitations that I made up about myself. I had to literally go break them down, you know, and try new things. Little things that fail, right? Businesses that fail.

Of course.

Like, I was for a hot second, I'm like, oh, I did this coaching program. Like, I'm not. I don't like coaching. Like, it's. It's not for me, you know, until I found what I'm doing now, which is called Fortify, which is my branding agency that has taken off so much that we're so blessed. But the messy middle is the in between of, oh, my gosh, like, I'm working, I'm plowing, but it's not working. And who I. Who am I in that period? And, like, it's so draining, you know, I think.

I mean, there is so many. So much value that you just dropped there, right? I mean, we could unpack each of that for hours, but some things that really stood out to me was, I think, you highlighting how we talk about rock bottom moments a lot. You hear that a lot, and you hear where people are now. But to your point, the messy middle is not really spoken about. And I think the messy middle is kind of a roller coaster. Like, oh, my gosh, this is working. No, it. Nope, didn't. It's like a detour, you know, and it's supposed to be because it's messy.

Yes.

And, you know, it's that seeking. And maybe you can speak into this, but transitioning from that seeking of, what's the answer? What's the answer? What's the answer? What's the answer? And I think that seeking creates this, like, gripping energy.

Desperate.

Desperate.

It's forced.

Yes.

Like, when you. When you're speaking of that, I can feel my. I clinch.

Yes.

Because I could. I can literally take myself back to my old office in my old house when I was in that messy middle where it felt so forced and I was, like, lying to myself. You know, I could convince myself to work. Because I'm guessing most people that watch this, they're like, us. They can plow. They can make stuff happen. And it just wasn't flowing, you know, and it felt so forced. And then eventually something has to break. We were like, this isn't working. Okay. I surrender, really. And that's really what I did, is surrendered. And I go, what would this look like if I actually built something that I didn't despise, that I actually, you know, what would my life. What could it look like? And to allow myself to even go there? And I think it's because I came. I grew up with a lot of struggle and trauma, so it's like, if it's not. It's. If it's not excruciatingly painful, then I think, oh, it must not be it.

Right. This is too easy. It can't feel good.

Yeah, yeah. Like, truly. Yeah.

Well, it's like it's developing a comfort level. Right. In a sense of safety.

Yeah.

Subconsciously, in that discomfort, in that, like, pain and that angst and that struggle. And it's very common. People will recreate that struggle and struggle and struggle, and they'll wonder why they're constantly in a state of struggle no matter what the relationship is or the job is. But it's because they regulated themselves to your emotional home. Exactly.

Yeah.

Yeah. And that's so common. Now, something that I would love to hear your thoughts on is I think that there can be, especially in social media, this idea that everything is always supposed to feel good. And so, yes, of course, we don't want to force and we don't want to be creating places of struggle, but the reality is the messy middle isn't always going to feel good. And I think oftentimes we're so quick to make that wrong, or we have to get out, we have to escape, or it's supposed to feel good, or I have to know the answer. So I don't know if you could speak into your experience on that or what might support somebody listening. And the Allowance of maybe discomfort.

Yeah. First of all, it's okay. It's okay to not have it all figured out. It's okay. It's perfectly okay. And there might be a season where you need to go into the woods and you need to get quiet and you need to heal parts of yourself. And that's what I needed to do. Because so much of my identity was wrapped up in how much money I made and what circles I was in. And I just. I had to, like, die to my own and really realize, like, that stuff is. It is not who I am. Like, who is Emily? When you take off the makeup and when you take off the Instagram and take, you know, and like, if you can learn to get quiet with yourself and really listen and heal and deal, like, that's gonna bring a whole nother level of awareness. And when we're chasing things all the time, we can't even hear, you know? And a lot of times people will say, well, I'm a busybody. I need to stay busy. I constantly need to be doing things. And for me, I'm like, that's a belief that you have, actually. You just have trouble sitting still with yourself. Right.

100%.

That's such a belief, you know? And so in that, in between, my thing is this. Seek, seek the kingdom of heaven and he will bring all of the answers to you. So for me, I stopped relying on Emily and I just said, like, God, what do you want me to do? Use me. Let me be a vessel. Make it known, like, who am I and what am I even good at? Like, I literally asked the Lord, I said, who is Emily? And I could hear, not this, like, audible voice coming down, but I could hear through the people, the things he was exposing to me. You are creative, Emily. You are a creative person. And I was in sales for a decade of my life, and I stopped being creative. I'm actually love to create, you know, I love it. I love, like, putting stuff together and designing. But I hid that side of myself for so long. So I'm like, I'm creative. Stop. Stop stifling my creativity. So I just started listening to the Lord and I'm like, okay, well then what's my next step with the creativity and that? And then it led to, someone needs help with branding. Emily, you can do this, you know, and then that exploration. So trying new things. So you have to co labor with God. That's the thing. We can't just lay in a meadow, right? Totally. Thank you. We're going to be set, you know, you also have to listen and then co labor and it's like a dance, you know, and then you literally start dancing. And what happens when you start dancing, you flow and that's really where like the releases and it's like, oh my gosh, like this is actually bringing me joy and this feels good and doesn't have to be that hard, you know. And then for us women, it's like we're now more in our feminine because that's my thing. I was in business for so long where I was like masculine, masculine. And I still, we still need to bring out our. Our masculine. But I'm like, there, there is parts of me that I didn't even know existed because I was operating from such a masculine state.

I mean, finding that calibration and that duality in the dance. First you made me laugh because I live in Tulum and so often I hear this all the time. I'm like, you know, I have to just meditate on it or I'm just gonna sit and manifest on it. And like, of course there's always an element of that, but it can be very passive sometimes.

Right.

And I really love how you articulated it, that it's really a co creation.

Yeah.

Right. And it's a dance so we don't just sit there and await. It's like, yes, you open and you allow, but you're also in that maybe masculine. Like you have to be in the duality. And yeah, I know for me, I was very much in the masculine in the beginning and then I went the opposite way and I was like very much in the feminine and I couldn't like figure out how to find and flex into both, you know, like, it was like I thought I either had to be wearing like goddess dresses, you know what I mean?

You had to be baking cookies or you had to be like, let's go.

No, I look when I like trying to find that feminine side of me and I was wearing like goddess dresses every day and like that's just not me. Like I was trying to be in almost like a brand that I wasn't.

Yes.

Like I was trying to be in the feminine and just allowing to be in the feminine. So in a way I was taking a masculine approach to being in the feminine. You know, like, I'm going to figure this out, right?

Yes.

But I don't know, I don't know your experience because we haven't spoken about this. But for me, I actually find that the more that I can find that balanced masculine in my work in the Driving and the vision of leading my team, actually, the deeper I can completely counter.

Yeah.

And seek out countering in the feminine in other parts of my life.

Yeah. That's so beautiful. For me, it's like deepening my faith has made me more feminine because I don't have to force. It's like faith is believing in the unseen. So it's like, where I was, like, forcing for so long, where now it's like I flow so much more. Like, so the deeper I go with God, I feel like I flow more. And then, of course, like, being a businesswoman and having I have multiple enterprises, what I've really learned how to do is shut off and theme my days correctly. And even nighttime in. In my house, it's like seven, eight. Jazz music, candles. Like, I don't want bright lights. Right. I take a bath. There's just so many things. Because all day, like, there's some days where all I do is zoom, zoom, zoom, no matter what. You know, it's like, zoom, like.

What's that song?

Yeah. Zoom, zoom, zoom, no matter what. Yeah. Yeah. I don't even know I just made it, but, like, I'm sending. Yeah, yeah. So it is. And when things are going on and it's exciting and it's, you know, closing deals and this and that and the other thing and making big stuff happen and I can find myself when I get in that state, it's like, I can whip nae nays. Like, I. Like, I can, and I love it. It. But then it's like, I need a shoes problem. Like, I. I gotta, like, you know, and so it's being so aware of yourself. And I think what's absent is awareness for women. We have to be aware.

Yeah.

You know, because my husband does not want a drill sergeant.

Right, Right.

You know, maybe something, but, like, he doesn't. Like, he. He wants me to be his wife.

Right.

Plus his partner.

Right.

You know, so that's something I really like, awareness. For me, like, even in my relationship with him, like when I first met him, like, he's like, no, I just want to healthily lead you. I just want to lead you. I literally had to just, like, sit on my hands because I'm like, I don't know how to let a healthy man lead me. And it's not control. He's trying to make the dinner reservations. He's trying to, you know, like, bring me on a trip, you know, so it's a whole thing.

Well, and especially if you have an upbringing of struggle. And that wasn't Secure or safe.

Yeah. Yes.

Right. The letting go and the surrendering is that much harder.

Yeah.

And then entrepreneurship, and then I think we were really fed a lot of stories that if you're a strong woman, you're proving, like. I don't know. I don't want to speak for you, but I know for me it was like, if you're a strong woman, like, you're proving that you're like one of the guys, and then it's like, as you learn more and you have to unlearn.

Yeah, right. Yes.

It was like, oh, no. Like, there's a sacredness in the duality and in the dance and. And it doesn't mean one is better than the other. It means that they're in contribution in complimentary ways.

For sure. And for the longest time, my only mentors were men. And I love them and I'm so grateful for them, but we're not men. Right? And I. Even when we got our new building that we got in California, I literally told my husband, I'm not a man, and I will not be here from 5 to 8 to 9. You want to watch me burn out? That's going to happen like that. You do. You boo, I do. Me. You know what I mean? And he's like, I'm so glad you're not a man. Go home. You know, because, like, truly, that's what happens is we try to. Just because we can run with the boys doesn't mean we always should.

Right? 100.

Because that's where I. I would not sleep. I would. You know, it. We're different people. We're like, different. You know, and so that's where it's like, understand, like, you can be in a room with guys and. And again, they need to also bring you. Bring in the feminine. I mean, even for this event that we're speaking at, it's like, there's going to be a lot of masculine energy. So Eric Rock knew, like, we need a little, you know, ladies. Yeah. We need some, like, you know, in there. And, you know, that balance is so needed.

I can't wait to see you on the stage. And it's gonna be so great. All right. So we haven't even gotten into Brand, so I'd love to just give the people a little something on Brand before we wrap up and make sure. I mean, we have the brand master in the house.

Thank you.

Yeah. One of the things that I hear a lot is helping people untangle their personal story. Right. Because I think there's this discernment in Your past and your upbringing and your story and how you take that into your brand or how you don't. I don't know if that resonates with you, if you experience that.

Yeah.

Especially if we're talking messy middle.

Yeah.

Because it might be very hard for someone to feel as though they can be like authentically on brand if they're in a mess without bringing. You know what I mean?

Yeah.

So I'm just curious as to your thoughts.

Yeah. So what I'm deeply passionate about is personal branding. Personal. We are people. And what I think what has happened for the last, like, decade is there's a lot of masquerading. It's. It is so fake.

Yep.

Truly. And we look at a lot of the thought leaders of books we read and podcasts we listen to, and all you see is like this picturesque, like, sales trainer thought, you know, mindset train. And you don't ever know much about their real life. And I think a lot of those people are starting to fade. There's certain people that, again, I love them, respect them, go to their events, speak at their events. I'm like, if you could just get a little bit more personal in your personal brand, you would be more relevant. You did Crush it like 5 years ago, but now you're not. Because we want to create to the human experience. And so something in the fortify process is asking them, you know, what is, what is your past that has shaped you? Like having them go through, how did you grow up? What. What did you know the last five years? What is the top three things that you've learned because you're most powerfully positioned to serve who you once were. Yes. You know, why can I sit here right now and talk to you about masculine and feminine and business? Because I once burnt out and I got so tired of being somebody I wasn't, you know, so I can talk about it now because I've done the work to heal, to understand, and now I want to go help all my beautiful, powerful females that I know are dying inside because I was once there. And so I think it's vitally important. And also it humbles you because none of this stuff that has happened to us is. Is even for us. It's for other people. Yep. And it's not. It's not about, like, how do I look? Right, right. Like, I think that's where people think, oh, I'm being. It's humility. Well, it's usually. It's usually disguised in pride. Truly, you're being prideful by keeping Things to yourself, that if you would get over it and share this with other people, the pride would subside, you know? And so that's what I love in branding. I go there with the women and they're like, oh, my gosh, this feels so good, because this is actually who I am. It's honest. Yeah. And it doesn't mean you have to, like, make a brand about whatever you went through. Right.

100%.

But sometimes there is. What I have found through this extraction process, there's something of their past that their heart grieves, and it's actually motivating them. Like, that's the thing that they really feel called to. And I'm like, well, would this make you consistent with showing up and then, you know, we uncover more? And I'm like, this could be a keynote. This could be a book. This could be. And they speak with such conviction because they've actually felt it, felt it, and they've gone through it. And when do we. When are we the best? When we have experience. Like, you can go out there and help people with their brands, with their business, with optimization. All this stuff you do, because you've literally done it with so many people.

Right.

You can speak with radical conviction. This is what works, this is what doesn't. And so I just think that experience of what we've gone through, I think it's so important in personal branding and to bring it to the light and humanize and then also to be able to connect with other people that are maybe in the middle of what you got over, whether it was a month ago, a week ago, or five years ago. Oh, so good.

Thank you so much. I was like, source coming through right there. You know, I used to always say, it's not entrepreneurship, it's humanship.

That's good, right? That's good.

It's like, how are you showing up as a human? And I want to really ground something in before we let people know where they can find you and learn more. But you said it's. I just got goosebumps. That's my son. You said once you've done the work, and I think what's so important is in the messy middle to bring it back.

You do the work. Oh, yeah, right.

That is where you do the work. And there's no bypassing it. Right. There's no avoiding it. And we can trick ourselves and think that we can, like, just stuff it down or ignore it. It will pop back up. And so, yes, there's going to be so many aspects to brand, but I really do think it starts with who you be.

Yeah.

Right. And I say that people don't need to know my story to feel my story.

Yeah.

Right. They can feel my story just through my way of being, even if they can't articulate it. Right. And that's, I think, where you're really embodied in what you're bringing forward. People can't necessarily explain it, but they're like, oh, I can feel that. And so I just want everyone watching, listening to hear those words Emily just shared and really reflect on as you are pursuing, building your brand to go deep within.

Go deep.

Go deep.

Yeah, deeper. I'm like, that's. Even when I'm working on content, I'm like, deeper. Go another level. Deeper, you know, because it's just. It's like, we want substance. You know, people are tired of the vanilla.

Totally.

Like, just. Yeah. Keep going. And. And what. What you'll notice is it's almost like you're trying to find yourself, but then you almost lose yourself in the service of others when you know, like, oh, I'm doing this work for my own understanding, but also knowing I'm gonna end up serving other people. It's just like. It's like this beautiful dance, I feel like. And it's so worth it.

Yeah. And the authenticity, I do believe, is what people are craving.

Yes.

You know.

Oh.

Craving it more and more, especially in the world of AI.

Yeah.

In the world of all these things.

Freaky deaky.

Yeah.

Yeah. With. Yeah. We could do another subject. We'll have to do.

Yeah, we'll do another episode.

There's another podcast episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Where can the people find you?

It's Emily on Ignore Me. Emily for dot com. Amazing.

Thank you, Emily. Thank you so much for being here.

Yeah.

You guys follow her. Check out her work. And I do want to end with this. You know, I. I had a big chip on my shoulder. I got it. We're going to add a little bit. We might have to roll back the tape, Steve. But I. I had a chip on my shoulder when I was getting into the online industry because I thought everyone was fake. And I thought, well, I don't want to be like that, because that means I'm not real.

Yeah.

And then I realized, well, that's a limiting belief.

That's your ego.

Right. That's a chip on your shoulder. And so it was like, well, no, instead of play, if you don't like the way the game is being played, go play it your way.

That's right.

Right.

Yes.

And when you do, you're gonna find the people who are playing it that way, too. And you were one of the first people who I saw online. I was like, that is a vibe that I can vibe with. So thank you for who you be.

Yeah, I received that.

Thank you. All right, you guys, thanks for being here. Follow Emily, scope out her work, and we'll see you next time.