Acknowledge What You HAVE Control Over

In a world full of uncertainty, anxiety, and things spinning out of our grasp, it's easy to feel overwhelmed. Today, we're exploring an important truth: acknowledging what we truly have control over and surrendering the rest to God, which brings freedom, peace, and purpose. It's building on the mindset discussion from earlier episodes. We'll look at key areas we can influence, Our thoughts, faith, health, relationships, finances, and parenting. Because true peace isn't trying to control everything. It's found in controlling what you can and trusting God with what we can't. Hey friend, welcome to Forward Path with Melissa: Life and Marriage God's Way. I'm Melissa, small-town Iowa girl, wife to my best friend since 2007, mom of 2, Mental health therapist since 2009, and founder of Forward Path. I'm forever grateful that God took a shy, insecure kid and showed her who she really is in Him, giving her just enough humble confidence to stand for what's true, because that changed everything. Forward Path and this podcast is the stirring God wouldn't let go of in my heart. Because the world can feel heavy and dark, And we are called to be different, to shine His light, especially in our marriage and homes. So every week we're gonna open scripture, pull from real-life counseling experience, coaching knowledge, and talk honestly about the messy and the beautiful— how to disagree well, love deeply, heal, parent with purpose, and keep walking forward with Jesus. Because your growth isn't just about you. It's about glorifying the One who designed it all. So grab your coffee. Let's walk forward together. This is episode 16, Acknowledge What You Have Control Over. In a previous episode, I discussed the difference between a fixed mindset, a growth mindset, and understanding the combination we as Christians have. So a fixed mindset says, this is just who I am. I can't change. A growth mindset says, I can learn. I can grow and improve with effort. But as believers, we do go further. We have a surrendered mindset. We recognize our limitations, but we trust that God is at work in us, transforming us from the inside out . We don't have to be perfect or control every outcome, and we partner with God in growth while surrendering the results to Him. And this leads us perfectly into today's focus: what we actually do have control over, because it may be more than you realize. And focusing there reduces anxiety and increases peace. So first, you do have control over your thought processes, your emotions, and healing your past wounds, as I've discussed before. Our society has become so focused on emotions that honestly, it's overshadowed the importance of our thoughts. But our thoughts come first. So we experience a situation, And then we have a thought about that situation, and it's then based on that thought that we have our emotion. And then because of the emotion, we respond. When we learn to question the thought, we learn to ensure it's true. Do we have all the evidence and context? We learn to question whether we are responding to this situation or past situations that are being triggered. Learning how to focus on our thoughts helps to manage emotions, often that the area that people feel wildly out of control with. And in counseling, I see so many women trapped by rumination, fear, old wounds that unfortunately keep replaying like broken records. And scripture reinforces this process. Philippians 4:8 tells us to dwell on what's true, Noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy. So while we can't always control our situations or events, we can control our focus. We can choose forgiveness if necessary. We can seek healing through prayer, wise counsel, and we can replace lies with God's truth— what actually has happened and appropriate context. So here are some practical tips. First, do a thought audit. When anxiety hits, pause and ask, is this thought true? Helpful? From God? Write it down and then question, where's the evidence? Again, so many of my therapy clients will say that they hear my voice in their head asking them, where's the evidence? Uh, and then counter it with scripture. God has not given me a spirit of fear, but power, love, and a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7. And then have a daily renewal. So start every day with 5 to 10 minutes of reading the Bible, and then ask yourself, what lens am I going to use to filter through my day? Are you going to look at your day through the lens of gratitude, thankfulness, Joy? Or are you going to look through the lens of how hard everything is, or negative, or cynical? And then this— the healing step: journal one past wound this week and pray through why it still has a stronghold over you. The next area that you have control over is your faith and identity in Christ. No one can take your relationship with God or who He says you are away from you. This is the one of the, the most secure, unshakable areas of control we have as believers. We can't control what other people think of you, how circumstances unfold, but you can control your daily choices to draw near to Him. James 4:8 promises, Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. This isn't a distant God waiting for us to earn his presence. He's already close, but our posture matters. When we intentionally turn toward him daily in humility, repentance, and pursuit, he responds with nearness, comfort, and revelation. It's a beautiful reciprocal promise. Our step in faith invites His presence in deeper ways. I used to describe it as a radio tower, and then a lot of my younger clients would look at me weird. So I will describe it now as a cell phone tower where the tower is unchanging, right? It's not going to move. God is like that tower. He doesn't move, but we can. And the further that we get away from the tower, The more our reception gets kind of fuzzy. So the closer that you are to drawing near Him, the more you hear Him. We also control how we renew our mind in His Word and stand firm in our identity as chosen, loved, redeemed, and secure in Christ. Ephesians 1:4-7 reminds us, He chose us before the foundation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight, adopted as His children through Jesus. And Romans 8:15-17 calls us children of God, no longer slaves to fear, but heirs with Christ. Galatians 2:20 declares, I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And 1 Peter 2:9 proclaims, we're a chosen people. A royal priesthood, God's special possession, called out of darkness into his marvelous light. Guys, these aren't just nice words. They're your unchangeable reality in him. So when doubt creeps in, maybe from a hard season or comparison, failure, or the noise of the outside world, you get to decide. Will you believe his promises over fleeting fears? Will you anchor in truth rather than let lies define you? In counseling, I see women transformed when they shift from, who do others say I am? Or, who do I feel like today? To, who does God say I am? And that decision is fully in your control. You get to choose where you're gonna focus, and that changes everything. From how you parent, how you love your spouse, how you handle stress or pursue your calling. So practical tips to strengthen and guard this area. So daily identity declaration: start your morning by speaking truth out loud, or even in the mirror if this helps. Say something like, I am the beloved child of God, chosen, redeemed, Secure in Him. No weapon formed against me will prosper. Isaiah 54:17. And nothing can separate me from the love of Jesus. Romans 8:38-39. Or you can pull from my free Identity in Christ Affirmations resource to build a personalized list. Say 3 to 5 truths each day. Over time, these actually rewire your thinking And builds resilience without doubt. And then surrender in prayer. When doubts or fears surface, pause and pray a simple, honest prayer. Lord, I give you my doubts, fears, and insecurities today. I choose faith in who you say I am. Help my unbelief. This act of surrender invites his peace and reminds you that faith is a choice. It's not a feeling. And then have quiet time. Protect 10, 15 minutes, or obviously more if you can. No phone, no multitasking, just sitting with God. Read a short passage, journal what it reveals about your identity, and then listen. That's always the hardest part. Even if it's just sitting in silence, invite the Holy Spirit to speak truth to your heart. Consistency here deepens intimacy, makes God's voice Louder than the world's. And seek support. Don't do this alone. Share your faith journey with a trusted friend, small group, or mentor. Text a verse that encouraged you, or ask for prayer when doubt hits, or discuss how you're applying your identity truth. Proverbs 27:17 says, iron sharpens iron. Others help us stay anchored when we waver. And then some scripture memorization or meditation. Pick one identity verse per week and meditate on it throughout the day— while driving, folding laundry, or before bed. I know sometimes that word meditate can kind of trip people up. All it really means is to focus on that thing, not to be distracted. So whisper it, pray it, personalize it. I am a new creation in Christ. This plants his truth deep. So when challenges come up, it rises up automatically. The next area that you do have control over is your physical health. Now, that being said, let's start by honestly acknowledging what is actually out of your control, especially for maybe people where they are aging. I can speak from a place of starting, you know, perimenopause in that midlife season. Genetics plays a role in how intensely symptoms hit, maybe some women versus others. This is true, guys have changes as they hit midlife too, but there also can be factors like unexpected illnesses or injuries can throw things off track, and that's real. Pretending otherwise can lead to frustration or self-blame. But here is the powerful truth: even amid what's uncontrollable, God has given you real influence over a significant portion of your physical health. You are called to steward your body as His temple. Don't you know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with Your bodies. That stewardship isn't about perfection or reversing time or changing every hormonal change. It's about faithful, intentional choice in the areas you do control. Whether that's small, consistent decisions, they compound over time, often easing symptoms, preserving strength, supporting our bone and muscle health, stabilizing energy, And helping you feel more in command of your body rather than at its mercy. So practical tips to focus on what you can control. Consistent movement. It doesn't have to be fancy. It doesn't have to be the latest, greatest trendy thing, but you get to decide how to show up for activity that builds and maintains muscle or improves mood through your endorphins. It supports heart health and it helps Regulate your blood and insulin. So find what works for you, whether it's a workout program or a style that you enjoy, because that will increase your motivation. But if you feel that the day is off, it's okay to modify. Again, we're not looking for perfection. There's, there's no need, but prioritize consistency over intensity sometimes. And then food choices. You control what goes in your body daily. Each meal is an opportunity to take care of the body God gave you. Your food choices help you fuel your day. The quality of the food also affects your energy levels, hormones, brain function. It's not just about weight. And then rest and recovery boundaries. Sleep quality is far more important than people acknowledge. So you do get to control your bedtime routines, your screen limits, your room temperature. Um, and saying no to late-night scrolling or overcommitting. Set non-negotiables for wine time times. Nap if needed, or build in short rest breaks during the day to recharge without guilt. And then supplements, check-ins, and proactive care. Schedule those regular doctor visits, the annual labs, the vitamin checks, the cancer screenings. And advocate for yourself. Ask about specific concerns rather than dismissing symptoms as, eh, I'm just aging. Stress response habits. While you can't eliminate all stressors, you can control daily practices that lower your cortisol impact on your body. Deep breathing, short walks, prayer and journal times— these help regulate the nervous system and reduce how much stress amplifies physical symptoms like inflammation, weight shifts, or sleep issues. And then another area that you have control over are your relationships and marriage. But again, let's honestly start with what you do not have control over, because clarity here prevents so much frustration, resentment, and unnecessary striving. You cannot control your spouse's thoughts, feelings, choices, words, or actions. Actions. You can't make them see things your way, change their habits overnight, respond with the exact tone or timing you want, heal their wounds on your schedule, or love you perfectly every day. You can't force affection, respect, apology, or growth in them, no matter how much you pray, plead, model, or even manipulate. Their free will is real, Just as yours is, and God doesn't override it. Trying to control these things leads to exhaustion, bitterness, and often pushes the very connection you long for further away. But here's the freeing, empowering flip side: God has placed a tremendous amount of influence and responsibility squarely in your control when it comes to Your side of the relationship. You control your own heart posture. So your responses, your kindness, your forgiveness, your words, your actions, and most importantly, how you choose to love in obedience to Him. Ephesians 5:25-33 doesn't say, Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church, if she deserves it, or, Wives, respect your husbands, Once he earns it. The commands are unilateral and grace-empowered. Husbands are called to sacrificial Christlike love, wives to respect and partnership. You control whether you show up as 100% self, fully giving, not the 50/50 scorekeeping, not waiting for reciprocity before you pour out. You control stewarding your part of the covenant with excellence, even on hard days. It's choosing to intentionally love. In counseling, as I've shared before, I see couples transform when one spouse stops trying to fix or control the other and instead focuses on their own growth and obedience and love. Romans 12:18 says, if it is possible, As far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. That as far as it depends on you is the key. It's your lane. It's wide open for you to make the intentional choices. So practical tips on how to focus on what you can in your marriage and relationships: serve first. Commit to one intentional act of love Every single day without expecting or even hoping for immediate return. Make their favorite coffee, send an encouraging text, handle a chore they dislike, offer a genuine compliment, initiate physical affection, or simply listen without interrupting or fixing. Do it as worship to God. Colossians 3:23, whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord. Over time, this process often softens hearts and creates safety for mutual growth without you having to control the outcome. And then communication choice. You control your words, tone, and timing. Choose grace even when you're hurt. Ephesians 4:29, do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Practice the pause. When irritation rises, take a breath, pray silently, Lord, help me make sure my words honor you, and then respond rather than react. You can choose curiosity over criticism. Help me to understand what they are going through. And repair quickly when you miss the mark. I'm sorry I snapped earlier. That wasn't kind. One thing that I'll say to my husband sometimes is, I'm sorry, I'll catch up soon. And then boundaries with grace. You control protecting your own peace and emotional health while still loving well. This isn't walls or punishment. It's healthy limits rooted in self-respect and stewardship of your own temple. So say no to patterns that harm you. The— whether it's criticism, disrespect, emotional dumping without mutual care, it is okay to say to your spouse, I need space to calm down so we can talk well. Boundaries protect the relationship in the long term by preventing resentment from building. Pray for wisdom here. God honors your quest for discernment. James 1:5. And then pray for your spouse daily. This might be the most powerful thing that is fully within your control. Intercede consistently, not just for change in them, but for God's blessing, healing, strength, and growth in their life. Pray for their, their heart to soften toward God, and you, for wisdom in decisions, for protection from temptation, and for joy in their walk. When you pray sincerely, something shifts in your heart. You begin, begin seeing them through God's eyes with more compassion and less judgment. It also invites the Holy Spirit to work in ways you never could. And then self-examination and repentance, if necessary. Regularly ask God, and perhaps maybe a trusted friend, to search your heart. Psalm 139:23-24. Are there ways you're contributing to tension, defensiveness, withdrawal, criticism, unmet expectations? You control owning your part, apologizing quickly, and then pursuing growth. This humility often invites reciprocity without demanding it. Another area that you do have control over is your finances. Now, let's begin again with acknowledgement of what's genuinely out of your control, because pretending otherwise can definitely lead to unnecessary stress, shame, or frantic striving. So you cannot control the broader economy: inflation rates, interest changes, stock market volatility, job market shifts, recessions, or global events that affect prices and maybe opportunities. You can't prevent the unexpected bills, the car repairs, medical emergencies, home issues, or sudden layoffs. You can't force a raise, guarantee a promotion, or make investments always perform perfectly. Taxes, insurance premiums, and the cost of living in your area largely are set beyond forces that you can control. These realities are real and admittedly can feel overwhelming. Especially in seasons of launching something new— I feel that— or navigating midlife financial pressures. God has given you meaningful authority and responsibility over a significant portion of your financial life. You control your choices around earning, spending, saving, giving, and stewarding what comes into your hands. Proverbs 21:20 says, the wise store up choice food and olive oil; fools gulp theirs down. So this isn't about hoarding. It's about wise, intentional management. And Malachi 3:10 invites you— invites us to test God in tithing. Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing. You control whether you live with discipline, trust, and generosity, even when circumstances feel tight. Living within your means, spending less than or equal to what you earn, is one of the most powerful peace-bringing choices fully in your control. It protects against debt traps, which reduces anxiety and creates hopefully margin for generosity, rest, and those unexpected needs. When you focus on what you can steward with your money, you shift from victimhood— the economy is ruining me— to faithful agency— I'm honoring God with what he entrusted. And those small, consistent decisions compound into financial freedom and testimony over time. So practical tips to focus on your control in finances: budget review and living within your means. Make it a non-negotiable habit to track income and expenses weekly. Categorize clearly your needs, the housing, the food, the utilities versus your savings, your givings, and your wants. The core rule, spend less than you earn. If you're over, identify one area to maybe cut, dining out, subscriptions, the impulse buys, and then redirect that money or debt into savings. Living within your means isn't deprivation. It's freedom from the pressure of keeping up, and it's trusting God's provision is enough. Tithe and give generously. Prioritize giving first. That's 10% to your church, plus offerings as you can. This is an act of worship and trust, Malachi 3:10. You control obedience here, even when finances feel tight. There have been multiple times in our lives when my husband and I have continued to give even when money was tight, and God has provided finances in sometimes the most unexpected and beautiful ways. Start where you are. God honors cheerful, faithful hearts. 2 Corinthians 9:7. And then contentment practice and gratitude. This one can be hard. It's daily thanking God specifically for His provision, for what we have, not What we lack. Philippians 4:11-13. Paul learned contentment in any situation through Christ's strength. He wrote that while in prison. So write down 3 provision moments each day. Gratitude over the roof over your head, the food on the table, your job and income source that you do have. This shifts your mindset from scarcity to abundance. reduces impulse spending that can be driven by comparison or fear. And then earn an increase wisely. While you can't control raises, you can control sidesteps, skill building, maybe side hustles, negotiating when opportunities arise, or asking for feedback on how you can grow professionally. Even small increases compound when paired with living within means. In this last area, so if you have kids, you do have control over how you parent and what you allow. But same thing, let's start with an honest acknowledgement of what is actually out of your control, because this will hopefully bring in some relief and protect you from guilt and burnout. You cannot control your children's ultimate choices, beliefs, or behaviors. Especially as they grow into teens and adults. You can't force them to love Jesus, make wise decisions, avoid every mistake, choose the right friends, or turn out exactly as you envisioned. Their free will is real. They will one day stand before God on their own account. You can't control how the world influences them— peer pressure, cultural messages, school experiences, or even how their personalities unfold. And trying to micromanage or control outcomes leads to anxiety, overparenting, and relational strain. But God has given you tremendous, God-ordained influence and responsibility over what is in your control. You do get to model faith and character. What values and boundaries you establish in your home, what you allow in their lives, Under your roof, how you discipline them, and how consistently you point them to Jesus through your words, actions, and prayers. Deuteronomy 6:6-7 commands us to impress God's commands on our children, to talk about him when we sit at home, walk along the road, lie down, and get up. That's your lane— the faithful, intentional influence, not the guaranteed results. One of the biggest pressures that parents face today is the temptation to fall into society's way of parenting or to parent a certain way simply because, well, that's how everyone else is doing it. And social media, friend groups, school parents, or cultural trends can make you feel like you're failing if you don't give the kids the latest gadgets or the endless activities or permissive screens, or even if you're not following the gentle parenting wave or The free-range approach, the hyper-scheduled sports lessons lifestyle, or whatever the current best method is. But comparison steals joy and confidence. Scripture doesn't call us to parent like the world or like our peers. It calls us to parent in obedience to God, rooted in His Word, led by His Spirit, and aligned with the unique family He entrusted to you. Train up a child in the way he should go. Even when he is old, he will not depart from it. That way is God's way. It's not the trending way, not the convenient way, not the everyone else is letting their kids do it way. You control whether you parent with conviction rather than conformity. You decide what media, Influences, and activities enter your home. You set the tone for what is celebrated, what is limited, and what is off-limits, all filtered through prayer, scripture, and wisdom rather than peer pressure or fear of judgment. So practical tips to focus on what you can control in parenting. First, model consistency. Live what you teach. Your children learn more from who you are than what you say. If you want them to value God's Word, let them see you reading it daily. If you want kindness and forgiveness modeled, show it in how you treat your spouse and others, even when it's hard. Hypocrisy erodes trust; authenticity builds it. Intentional connection time: carve out daily distraction-free moments, whether that's meals without phones or bedtime talks, walks, or one-on-one Dates. Our kids have always done the right-before-bedtime talks, and while my husband and I maybe would like to get to bed earlier, we won't say no to those. These build secure attachment and create space for heart-level conversation where faith naturally flows. And then screen and boundary rules rooted in wisdom, not trends. Decide what's allowed and why, based on your family's values and God's principles, not all the kids have. Set age-appropriate limits on devices, social media, content, and time. Explain the why: protection of their hearts, minds, stewarding of time, guarding purity. And then review and adjust as they grow, but hold the line with grace but consistency. You are the gatekeeper, not the culture. Then pray blessings in scripture over them nightly. Speak God's word over them as they sleep. Personalized prayers like, may the Lord bless you and keep you, or the Lord will fight for you. This isn't magic. It's inviting God's protection, shaping their identity in Christ, and modeling dependence on him. And then resist comparison parenting. When you feel the pull to conform, Well, everyone's kid already has a phone, or all the moms are doing gentle parenting this way. Pause and ask, is this God's best for my family, or am I afraid of being different? Journal or pray through the decisions. Surround yourself with like-minded parents who encourage biblical conviction over cultural conformity. So friends, Let me wrap this up. We've named what we can't control: past events and old wounds, aging and body changes, a spouse's heart, the economy and bills, our children's future choices. It's real. And again, admittedly, it can feel heavy at times. But look at what God has placed in our hands. We can choose our thoughts and renew our minds and trust. We can draw near Him, declare our identity in Christ, and stand firm. We can steward our bodies with movement, nourishing, wise care, rest. And we can love our spouse with 100% obedience, serving first, speaking grace, setting boundaries, praying daily. We can live within our means, giving generously, and practice contentment. We can model Christ to our kids, set wise boundaries, not cultural trends, and cover them in prayer. We don't control the outcomes, but we control our faithfulness, and that's actually where peace lives. The Serenity Prayer actually says it pretty perfectly: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. This truth reminds us: surrender what's His, steward what's ours, and His peace, which surpasses all understanding, will guard our hearts. So today, let's let go of the weight of trying to control everything. Lay the outcomes at His feet. He's big enough, good enough, and loves everyone you care about more than you ever could. And then let's pick up what's ours— one intentional choice, one obedient step, one grateful prayer at a time. That's how we walk forward God's way— not by mastering all of it, but by trusting the one who created all of it. So this week, do a control inventory. List worries on paper, circle what you can control, and then focus your energy There. Cross out or pray over what you can't. Journal how it feels to release that, because it does feel wonderful to release the things you cannot control. And then share one takeaway with a friend or me on Instagram. Let me pray for you. Father, thank you that you have power and control over all things. My friend listening, if anxiety from trying to control everything is weighing heavy, remind them of Your promise: trust in You with all their heart, lean not on their own understanding. Give them wisdom to discern what they can influence— their thought choices, responses— and the serenity to release all the rest to You. Please replace worry with Your peace that surpasses understanding. Empower them to live intentionally in the areas You've entrusted them. Strengthen them— their faith, heal their heart, and help them glorify You. In Jesus' name, amen. That's all for today, friends. Thank you for walking this stretch of the path with me. If today's episode encouraged you even a little, will you do 2 quick things? Hit subscribe or follow in your podcast app or YouTube so you never miss an episode. And share it with one friend who needs it. That's the easiest way this light keeps spreading. Check out my free Identity in Christ Affirmations resource to reinforce who God says you are. Go to melissagendreau.com/free-resources or check the show notes for the link. And if you haven't checked out my website yet, melissagendreau.com, you can explore my courses, coaching, and private community. And if you're not sure where to start, DM me on Instagram for a private conversation so I can get to know you and make personalized recommendations. Find me on Instagram @forwardpathwithmelissa. Until next Monday, keep shining, keep growing, and keep moving forward God's way. See you soon, and God bless.