Christians are to Live Differently

In this episode, we are going to address how Christians are to live differently. First, we'll discuss how our foundation differs from that of nonbelievers and how that alters how we live in all aspects of our life. We'll look at some biblical references reinforcing our call to follow God first in all we do. Then I'll address the difference between evaluating and criticizing and the importance of knowing our boundaries. We'll then touch on the difficult topic of friends and being aware of whom we're doing life with. We'll wrap up by discussing how we should present ourselves in the world and use the fruit of the Spirit as a guide. Hey friend, welcome to Forward Path with Melissa: Life and Marriage God's Way. I'm Melissa, small-town Iowa girl, Wife to my best friend since 2007, mom of 2, mental health therapist since 2009, and founder of Forward Path. I'm forever grateful that God took a shy, insecure kid and showed her who she really is in Him, just giving her enough humble confidence to stand for what's true, because that changed everything. Forward Path and this podcast is the stirring God wouldn't let go of in my heart, because the world can feel heavy and dark, and we are called to be different, to shine his light, especially in our homes and marriages. So every week we're gonna open scripture, pull from real-life counseling experiences, coaching knowledge, and talk honestly about the messy and the beautiful, how to disagree well, love deeply, heal, parent with purpose, and keep walking forward. with Jesus, because our growth isn't just about you. It's about glorifying the One who designed it all. So grab your coffee. Let's walk forward together. As Christians, we are to have a different foundation. We are supposed to do everything through the lens of our relationship with Jesus, glorifying Him with our actions and decisions. And living the way He designed. We are called to put God at the forefront of everything. God tells us to gather together with other Christians, and we are also commanded to reach out to others who don't know Him yet. We're asked to work side by side with non-Christians, Christians, everyone, but at the same time, remain steadfast in the commandments God has laid out for us. All the while having careers, families, friends, ministries, activities, and all of our to-do lists. And it can feel overwhelming at times to fulfill our worldly obligations while effectively remaining rooted in Jesus Christ. But how we view ourselves and our marriage should be different from how nonbelievers view them. We have evidence of this through Jesus's prayer for His disciples and all of His believers. John 17:14-19. I have given them Your word, and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. My prayer is not that You take them out of the world, but that You protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by the truth. Your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world. For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified. Jesus prayed to God on our behalf. He prayed for our protection from the evil that surrounds us. Jesus has surrounded us with the protection of God's Word and truth so that we may lead others to God. Jesus gave the ultimate sacrifice for us so that we could have eternal protection, and we are to remain strong in that truth as we enter into worldly situations and activities. We have multiple examples all around us that aren't biblical, but that are being viewed societally as good and right, by professionals as best practices. And as Christians, we need to understand the differences between what the Bible says and how the world tells us to live. That's true of how we parent as well as how we act in general. Probably almost a decade ago, my husband and I were having a conversation, and he brought up how the Bible is not only about getting to know and understand God, but it's also the best study of human behavior. And he was absolutely right. We get to learn from the people of the Old Testament and the New Testament on how to live. God's design is always best. When we divert from His ways, we're actually choosing less. We will never know more than Him. And our way will never be better. Jesus gives us an important and maybe uncomfortable reminder in Matthew chapter 10, verses 34 through 39. Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, And a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a man's enemies will be those in his own household. He who loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me. And he who loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after me is not worthy of me. He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for my sake will find it. We are to love Jesus most and follow His ways. I know that that passage is uncomfortable, but Jesus also told us in Matthew 22:37-39, You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There never should be a time that loving your neighbor gets in the way of following Jesus. Loving your neighbor does not equate to encouraging them to live in sin, no matter the sin. We see an example of this in John 8 when Jesus is confronted with the situation of the woman caught in adultery. He says to the Pharisees, he who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first. They each ended up leaving. So this is a good example that none of them could say anything. At the same time, we read in verses 10 and 11: When Jesus had raised himself up and saw no one but the woman, he said to her, woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned her— condemned you? She said, no one, Lord. And Jesus said to her, neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more. Many like to focus on the fact that Jesus didn't condemn her, but they often skip the last part of the verse: go and sin no more. That wasn't just a flippant farewell. That wasn't a bye, have a good day. Jesus did describe her behavior as sin, in this instance adultery, and told her not to continue the behavior. Now, we will never be Jesus, and it's not our place to condemn. We are, however, to understand what is the behavior we should be doing and not doing. Often people will quote 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 to prove their point in how we're supposed to interact with others. So love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others. It's not self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. But they conveniently stop before verse 6: Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Jesus tells us in John 14:6, I am the way and the truth and the light. And in verse 14, If you love me, keep my commands, and I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate to help you and be with you forever, the Spirit of Truth, the Holy Spirit. The world cannot accept him because it neither sees him nor knows him, but you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. Once more, Jesus is telling us that we are to live differently. And again, I understand that this can be wildly uncomfortable, and it can get complicated when people say we are not to judge. So let's focus on what the word means, because it can either mean to evaluate or to criticize. So to evaluate means to determine the significance, worth, or condition of, usually by careful appraisal and study. A synonym is to discern. To criticize means to find fault with, to point out the flaw of. The synonym is judge. We're to use discernment, which means evaluating and judging our surroundings, behaviors, and beliefs. That's what helps us to know what we should and shouldn't be doing. But we are not to criticize, which has a more negative intent. Think condemn, gossip, slander. So when the Bible tells us not to judge, it's focusing on the criticism. So part of discerning is knowing our own boundaries. This again is for us to know how we should be living. 1 John 2:16, for everything in the world— the cravings of sinful men, the lust of his eyes, and the boasting of what he has and comes not from the Father, but from the world. We each have areas of our lives that are weak spots and can cause us to stumble if we're not careful. We need to know what those are. In the process of living differently from the world, we need to be aware of our friendships. The Bible offers a plethora of verses warning against maintaining and developing friendships with unwise people, Fools, the wicked, and non-believers. 1 Corinthians 15:33 tells us, do not be deceived, evil company corrupts good habits. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says, do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness. So first, we need to make sure that we are defining what is friendship. Friendship is characterized by a level of intimacy and affection, often providing emotional support and companionship. So I am not talking about acquaintances or the casual get-together with your neighbor and interacting with your coworkers. We're called to have nonbelievers over for dinner, to serve them, to listen well, to share Jesus' Boldly. I'm talking about the people you do life with and who have an impact on your life, the people who help you set the standard for your marriage, your speech, your budget, or your beliefs. So there are 3 different groups of people you should be wary of as friends. First is the mockers and the scoffers. This is the non-Christian who actively attempts to talk you out of your faith. Again, not the non-believer who you just do life together with, where you have the good camaraderie, where you can have deep conversations, even disagreements, but they're not trying to talk you out of their faith. They're okay with you having your faith, just like you are okay with them believing whatever they want to believe in. The second person is to be aware of the Christian who tries to find loopholes and excuses for their sin. They say things like, does the Bible really say? Or, but God's merciful, He'll allow. Or, but God would want me to be happy. Again, this person is trying to find a loophole for their sin. It's not about understanding the Bible or God. better, but about finding a way to do what they want. The last person to be aware of is the one who encourages you to engage in ungodly behavior whenever you're with them— to get drunk, spend too much money, flirt with anyone other than your spouse, right? If you're married, this tends to be the person your spouse doesn't like very much. They can see that this friend isn't a good influence on you. So now you're thinking, okay, I have that friend. Now what? Do I ghost them? Confront? Slowly fade? If someone you love fits one of these categories, the most loving thing is always a humble, clear conversation, not a sudden cutoff. It's, I love you, but when we're together, I find myself compromising on things God's convicted me about. I need to pull back on how often we hang out one-on-one so I can stay faithful to what he's asking of me. Sometimes they repent and the friendship actually deepens at a new level, and sometimes they get angry and walk away, and Jesus already told us that might happen. But either way, you've obeyed and loved them well. We should celebrate the friends who ask you hard questions, who text you scripture before coffee, who celebrate your obedience obedience even when it costs you, who confess their sin instead of excusing it, and who love Jesus more than they love being liked. Those are the ones Proverbs call iron sharpening iron, and they're worth rearranging your whole life to keep close. Because we are called to shine God's light and be a beacon for others. Again, the Bible gives us a roadmap on how to do that well. Galatians 5:22-25. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. I'm sure you've read those verses so many times, but have you focused on that little sentence, against such things there is no law? Meaning, if you live by the characteristics laid out by the Holy Spirit, you will be living well. That doesn't mean there won't be struggles and suffering in your life, but it means your character won't be the cause of your pain or someone else's pain. You can show everyone around you the fruit of the Spirit characteristics, and it'll be noticed. So love— love is an active choice. You may experience it, but love is not just emotion. It takes effort. That's true with your spouse, your children, and the person in the grocery line with 17,000 coupons. Find ways to show love to the people around you. Regardless of what they're showing you. Then we have joy. Have you ever been around someone filled with joy? They're lit from the inside, and their presence is infectious. We defined biblical joy in the last podcast episode, meaning rooted in a relationship with Jesus. It's sustained by trust in divine promises and the knowledge that God works all things together. for good. Then we have peace. Peace is being settled in the knowledge that God is in control and has a plan for you. A person who has peace is a comfort to be around. You can feel how grounded they are, how steady. Patience. Patience has fallen by the wayside in society currently. We've become a people of instant gratification. Everything is fast and at our fingertips. And when it's not, we get disappointed and irritated. But providing patience for other people has become unexpected. A person feels heard and seen when you give them your patience and your time. It shows them that they are worth waiting for and being with. Then kindness. Caring for someone in all circumstances is kindness. It's the small acts, And it doesn't cost you anything, but gives so much. We then have goodness. Goodness is holding firm to what is right, no matter what. And goodness is not gray. Then we have faithfulness. Faithfulness is not knowing all the answers to your whys and hows, but believing anyway. Faithfulness is knowing God loves you and wants what is best for you, at all times. It's seeking God daily for his love, strength, and guidance because that is enough. We then have gentleness. We're called to provide truth in love. That is gentleness. It doesn't mean being a pushover or a doormat, but it means having a soft approach when speaking the truth. Then we have self-control. Like patience, Self-control has little place in society currently, except rarely does something good come from impulsiveness and unfiltered reactions. You end up saying things you don't mean or that are hurtful, or you overindulge in food or alcohol, money, et cetera. But often impulsiveness is followed by remorse, guilt, and shame. Self-control takes discipline and strength. And rarely can it be done alone, or not for long, without God's strength to help you remain steady. It takes self-control to live differently than the world. Jesus didn't pray to snatch us out of the world. He prayed we'd be protected from the evil one while we're still in it, sanctified by the truth, and sent as light. So here's the question I'm going to leave with you: Who or what is currently shaping your view of marriage, parenting, friendship, success, and happiness more than Jesus and His Word? We don't get to escape the world, but we do get to refuse to look like it. So here's my challenge this week: Pick one area where the world's way has been louder than God's Word in your life. Whether that's your marriage, your parenting, friendships, whatever. Find the clearest scripture on it, write it out, and put it where you'll see it every day. Now, every time you're tempted to compromise, read it out loud and pray, Lord, make me willing to look strange if I have to, but never let me love anything more than you. And then send me a message or leave a comment and tell me what happened. You were never meant to blend in. That's all for today, friend. Thank you for walking this stretch of the path with me. If today's episode encouraged you even a little, would you do 2 quick things? Hit subscribe button or follow on your podcast app or YouTube channel so you never miss an episode. And share it with one friend who needs it. That's the easiest way this light keeps spreading. Wanna go deeper? Come join the Forward Path with Melissa app. It's where the real growth happens between episodes. Inside, you'll get access to all of my courses in one place, weekly live question and answer where we'll unpack the week's podcast episode together, daily prompts for your faith, Marriage and purpose, downloadable PDFs to keep you on track, a private community of like-minded Christians cheering each other on, group coaching each quarter, discounts in the Forward Path shop, first dibs on workshops and retreats, and an affiliate program that gives you and anyone you refer a sweet discount. Just head to melissagendreau.com. Or check the show notes for the link. I can't wait to see you in there. You can also find me on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube, and all other socials at Forward Path with Melissa, and sign up for my emails so nothing good slips past you. Until next Monday, keep shining, keep growing, and keep moving forward God's way. See you soon, and God bless. Bye.