How to Build a Life That Reflects Your Identity in Christ | Fruit of the Spirit

Today we're talking about how to move from knowing who you are in Christ to actually building a life that shows it. We'll look at what it really means to be known by our fruit, unpack the fruit of the Spirit in everyday marriage and life, talk honestly about the temptations that quietly choke out that fruit, and walk through 4 practical steps to help you live rooted in your true identity. If you've ever felt like you're living someone else's life instead of the one Jesus has for you, This episode is for you. Hey friend, welcome to Forward Path with Melissa: Life and Marriage God's Way. I'm Melissa, small-town Iowa girl, wife to my best friend since 2007, mom of 2, mental health therapist since 2009, and founder of Forward Path. I'm forever grateful that God took a shy, insecure kid and showed her who she really is in Him, giving her just enough humble confidence to stand for what's true. Because that changed everything. Forward Path and this podcast is a stirring God wouldn't let go of in my heart, because the world can feel heavy and dark, but we're called to be different, to shine His light, especially in our marriages and homes. So every week we're gonna open scripture, pull from real-life counseling experience, coaching knowledge, and talk honestly about the messy and the beautiful, how to disagree well, love deeply, heal, parent with purpose, and keep walking forward with Jesus. Because your growth isn't just about you. It's about glorifying the One who designed it all. So grab your coffee. Let's walk forward together. This is episode 25. Friend, before we dive in, I want to meet you right where you are today. Maybe you're listening while folding laundry, driving to work, or sneaking in a quiet moment before the kids wake up. Wherever you are— exhausted, hopeful, somewhere in between— God sees you. And today's conversation is for you. I've sat across from so many people who say the same thing: I feel like an imposter. I know I'm supposed to be different because of Jesus, but I don't know how to actually build a life that shows that. That desire is real, and it's the starting point for something beautiful. So let's begin with what Jesus says in Matthew 7:16-20. By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thorn bushes or figs from thistles? Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them. So they will know us by our fruit, not by our perfect social media highlight reels, not by how many Bible studies we've checked off, but by the visible, everyday evidence of who we are becoming in Christ. And when scripture talks about this fruit, it gets beautifully specific in Galatians 5:22-23. So listen to this. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Friend, this is the kind of fruit that truly reflects our identity in Christ. It's not 9 separate things we have to manufacture on our own. It's one cluster, and it's the natural outflow of a life surrendered to the Holy Spirit. So what does this look like practically? Love— the kind that keeps choosing your spouse every day and finding ways to serve them to make their day better. Joy— not happiness that depends on good circumstances, but a deep contentment that stays even on hard parenting days or when the budget's tight. Peace, calm that guards your heart when anxiety tries to take over during a disagreement or when the world feels overwhelming. Patience, that extra grace when your kids are melting down or your coworker is causing extra work for you. Kindness, the gentle tone and thoughtful gesture that says, I see you, in the middle of a busy week. Goodness: choosing integrity and honesty even when no one is watching. Faithfulness: showing up consistently in your quiet time, your marriage, and your commitments. Gentleness: it's responding with a soft answer instead of sharp words. Self-control: saying no to the quick reaction, the late-night scroll, or the sarcastic comment that would Maybe feel good in the moment, but isn't beneficial. And here's the beautiful part. You don't grow this fruit while white-knuckling it and trying harder. That leads to burnout and pretending. I assure you, I know that feeling. Real growth happens when we stop striving and start yielding. Yield is a beautiful word. So in traffic, it means giving the right of way. In the garden, it means the harvest you receive. So when we yield control to the Holy Spirit, our harvest, our fruit grows. So what are practical ways to grow the fruit of the Spirit in your life right now? One, start your day with surrender. Before your feet hit the floor, pray something like, Holy Spirit, produce your fruit in me today. I yield my reactions, my words, and my attitude to you. Catch and replace. When you notice yourself being impatient or sharp, pause and ask, what would the fruit of the Spirit look like here instead? Then take one small obedient step. Feed the Spirit, starve the flesh. Galatians 5:17 tells us the flesh and the Spirit are at war. What are you feeding? More time in the Word and worship cuts out bitterness, comparison, and anger. Even 10-15 minutes a day makes a difference. 4. Ask for help in community. Tell a trusted friend or your spouse, I'm asking God to grow patience in me this month. Will you pray for me and hold me accountable? There's power in that kind of honesty. 5, celebrate small growth. Notice when you respond with kindness instead of criticism. Thank God out loud. Gratitude waters the fruit. And the more we walk in the step with the fruit of the Spirit, the more our lives will naturally look like Jesus. And that's exactly how people will see our true identity in Christ. So let me share a quick story from my own life. Growing up shy and insecure, I spent a lot of my years trying to blend in while also wanting to be seen and known. Even after I became a Christian and a therapist, I still caught myself shrinking back, yet wanting to show off. I knew the verses: I'm a new creation, I'm chosen, I'm loved with an everlasting love, but I hadn't really embraced it. So I wasn't living like it. Then God began really showing me that my identity isn't something I have to chase or earn. It's something I receive and then walk out. And that's where humble confidence came in. 2 Corinthians 5:17 finally hit me one day: Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come. The old is gone; the new is here. That shift changed how I showed up in my marriage, with my kids, and in my work. I stopped performing for approval and started living from the approval that was already mine in Christ. Other people's words didn't affect me like they used to. The fruit started showing up— more courage to speak God's truth. But friend, let's be honest. This growth doesn't happen automatically. That's why scripture gives us such a hopeful and practical promise in 1 Corinthians 10:13: No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful. He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. Here's what I've learned both in my own life And in years counseling others. If we don't get intentional about knowing our own areas of temptation, they will quietly choke out the very fruit we long to see and are trying to cultivate. So think about it. The enemy doesn't need dramatic, obvious sin that keeps us from reflecting Jesus. He just needs the subtle, repeated patterns that feel normal to us, So for some of us, it's people pleasing or fear of man. It's saying yes when we should say no, which steals our peace and self-control. For others, it's unresolved anger or resentment in our marriage or other relationship that comes out as sharp words, and it kills our kindness and gentleness. Many wrestle with comparison and discontent fed by social media, which withers joy and gratitude. Some battle busyness and exhaustion that leaves no room for abiding and yielding, making patience and faithfulness nearly impossible. Others struggle with perfectionism or control, trying to manage every outcome rather than trusting God, which then blocks true peace. When we stay unaware of our specific weak spots, These temptations don't just trip us up; they become weeds that grow faster than the fruit of the Spirit. We end up frustrated, wondering why we aren't growing, even though we're reading our Bibles. The good news? Awareness is the first step towards freedom. God doesn't expose our temptations to shame us. He doesn't deal in shame. He reveals them so we can bring them into the light. And receive His help. This week, I want you to prayerfully ask the Holy Spirit, what is one recurring temptation or pattern that's getting in the way of the fruit You want to produce in me right now? Write it down. Be honest. Then thank God that this temptation is common. You are not the only one, and that He is faithful to provide a way out. Every single time. Knowing your areas of temptation doesn't make you weak. It makes you wise and dependent on Jesus, which is exactly where the fruit grows best. As we started the episode, I talked about wanting to meet you where you are today. I bring that up again because that's how we're supposed to interact with everyone around us— by meeting them where they are. That's how Jesus interacted with people. He's our perfect example of living the fruit of the Spirit. He didn't change depending on whom He was talking to. However, His focus and topic of conversation varied according to His audience. So as we learn to meet people where they are, just like Jesus did, we first have to let Him meet us where we are. That starts with being honest about what's growing— or not— in our own hearts. Now that we've talked about the soil and the weeds that can grow in it, let's get practical. Here are 4 key steps I use with my therapy and coaching clients. Step 1: Settle your identity in scripture, not shifting feelings or cultural noise. The world will tell you your identity is your job, your marriage status, your kids' behavior, your past mistakes, or how you feel today. But God's Word is unchanging. Spend time daily declaring truths like, I am God's masterpiece . I am forgiven and free . I am equipped for every good work He calls me to do . I have the mind of Christ . I encourage my clients to write 5 to 7 of these on index cards and read them out loud. Every morning. It's un-simple, but it renews your mind and crowds out the lies. Step 2: Examine the soil of your heart. Remember the fruit metaphor. Fruit depends on the soil. What's feeding your roots right now? Social media? Comparison? Unresolved resentment? Busyness that leaves no room for God or quiet time in His presence? In counseling, I often ask, what are you allowing to grow unchecked in your thought life or habits? One client realized her constant scrolling was planting seeds of discontent. When she replaced 20 minutes of that with scripture and prayer, her interactions with her husband softened dramatically. The fruit followed the soil change. So ask yourself this week, what one habit is choking out good fruit right now? And what, and what one small replacement can I make? Step 3: Align your daily choices with your new identity. This is where it moves from head knowledge to life change. Identity in Christ isn't just believing better things about yourself. It's behaving in light of them because you are no longer defined by being the unappreciated one or the tired one or the one who does everything. You're defined as loved and secure in Christ, so you can give what you've already received. With your kids, it might mean speaking life over them even when they mess up, because you remember God doesn't withdraw His love when you fail. At work or in relationships, it might mean setting boundaries with kindness instead of people-pleasing, because your worth isn't on the line. Every choice is a brick in the life you're building. Small, consistent, Spirit-led choices compound into a beautiful testimony that you get to share. Step 4: Stay connected to the Vine. Jesus said in John 15:5, I am the Vine. You are the branches. If you remain in Me and I in you, you will bear much fruit. Apart from Me, You can do nothing. Abiding isn't complicated. It's prayer that's honest, not polished. It's opening the Word even when you don't feel like it. It's worship in the car or doing the dishes. It's community with other believers who will speak true when you start believing lies again. In my own life, the seasons where I drift from consistent abiding were the seasons where my fruit looked more like worry, irritability, and definitely striving. The seasons of abiding are more peace, more joy, and more love that actually lasts. This week, I challenge you to pick one of these 4 steps and lean in hard. Maybe it's starting those identity declarations. Maybe it's identifying one soil issue and replacing one habit. Or maybe it's carving out 10 minutes each morning to simply abide and yield. No agenda, just you and Jesus. And then write it down, tell one person who will ask you about it, and watch what God does. Let me pray for you. Heavenly Father, thank You for calling us Your own. Thank You that our identity isn't based on our performance, but on Your finished work on the cross. Lord, root us deep in Your truth today. Pull up the weeds of lies, comparison, and old habits. Water the soil of our hearts with Your Word and Your presence. Produce good fruit in us— love, joy, peace, patience, kindness— that points a watching world to You, especially in our marriages and home. Give us the courage to make one small obedient step this week. We love you, Lord. In Jesus' name, amen. I'd love to hear which step you're choosing this week, so feel free to send me a message on Instagram. That's all for today, friend. Thank you for walking this stretch of the path with me. If today's episode encouraged you, here's how you can keep growing with me. Would you do 2 quick things? One, hit subscribe or follow so you never miss an episode and share it with one friend who needs this message. And 2, if you want to go deeper this week, subscribe to my free weekly email for a quick breakdown of this episode, key scriptures, and simple action steps you can take in your marriage and faith. It's like having a personal coach in your inbox. Go to melissagendreau.com/path-weekly or check the show notes for the link. Until next Monday, keep shining, keep growing, and keep moving forward God's way. See you soon, and God bless. Bye.