Melissa Gendreau explains how your brain's reticular activating system filters what you notice in marriage. If you keep score of unfairness, your brain amplifies exhaustion and conflict. Shift to looking for delight and service, and your brain starts noticing moments of love and connection instead.
When you label marriage as hard work or stay stuck in a committed scorekeeping mindset, your RAS lights up every piece of evidence that marriage is exhausting and unfair. But when you intentionally shift your focus to devotion, to delighting in your spouse and choosing them with joy, your RAS starts spotting opportunities to love, serve, and connect. You notice the small moments where you can pour into your spouse and you find it enjoyable.
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