In this episode of the Forward Path with Melissa podcast, licensed therapist and founder Melissa Gendreau delivers a faith‑based counseling talk about marriage as a generational example. She opens by highlighting the scarcity of healthy marriage models, citing a 40‑50% divorce rate that has persisted since the 1980s and noting that having divorced parents dramatically raises a couple’s own risk of divorce. Drawing on Scripture (Ephesians 5, Proverbs 4, Philippians 2, Romans 12), she frames God’s design for marriage as beautiful and attainable. Melissa shares observations from her practice—couples who curse, live parallel lives, or lack intimacy—and explains her firm boundaries against disrespectful behavior. She then offers concrete steps: identify and evaluate real‑life marriage role models, seek mentors, curate media, and use Christian marriage resources (her three courses, books, podcasts). She critiques media portrayals, listing common negative tropes in TV, movies, and social media, and provides a short list of healthier shows (Friday Night Lights, This Is Us, Parks and Recreation, The Cosby Show, Bluey). Melissa stresses that children learn marriage by watching their parents, urging couples to create intentional vision statements, practice daily habits (date nights, apologies, prayer), and regularly review their example. To break generational cycles of divorce, abuse, or emotional distance, she recommends journaling family history, praying over patterns, seeking counseling, and connecting with mentors who have broken similar cycles. Throughout, she interweaves personal anecdotes, client stories, and scriptural encouragement, concluding with a prayer, a call to reflect on one actionable step, and an invitation to join her community for further support.
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Hey friend, welcome back to Forward Path with Melissa, Life and Marriage God's Way. Today we're diving into a sad truth. How many people don't know the beauty marriage can hold? Because honestly, healthy examples are rare. And then there's the poor portrayal in the media and how your own marriage sets the tone for your kids and grandkids. But how to break those generational patterns like divorce or abuse? We'll see what scripture says, share stories from my office, and get practical on identifying the legacy you want and working toward it. So if you're married or hoping to be, this will encourage you to be the example the world needs. I'm Melissa, small-town Iowa girl, wife to my best friend since 2007, mom of 2, licensed mental health therapist since 2009, and founder of Forward Path. I'm forever grateful that God took a shy, insecure kid and showed her who she really is in Him, giving her just enough humble confidence to step into this calling. Forward Path and this podcast are the stirring God wouldn't let go of in my heart. The world can feel heavy and dark, but we're called to shine His light, especially in our homes and marriages. So every Monday, we open scripture, Pull from real counseling and coaching stories and talk honestly about the messy and the beautiful, how to disagree well, love deeply, heal, parent with purpose, and walk forward with Jesus. Because your growth isn't just about you, it's about glorifying the One who designed it all. So grab your coffee, maybe your journal. Let's walk this path together. Today is episode 13, Your Marriage Is an Example. For better or worse. So let's start with why so many people honestly don't know how beautiful marriage can be. And it's really a lack of healthy examples. So the divorce rate hovers around 40 to 50%, and it's been right around that since about the '80s. In addition, so if you have parents who've gotten divorced, your risk of divorce increases. And if both you And your spouse's parents got divorced, your risk of divorce significantly increases. So my husband and I learned about that statistic when we were engaged. And both of us have parents who are divorced. And I don't say that at all to throw them under the bus. It was more, we didn't want to be a statistic. So we wanted to know, what does a God-honoring, healthy marriage look like? And just as importantly, what does it not look like? So that's why this topic is so important to me, because God's design for marriage is meant to be beautiful, and it is attainable. In our culture, and even back then, and we've been married for almost 19 years, strong marriages just aren't always visible. Because even when couples who stay together, it's not that they're always a good example of God's design. And without seeing couples who communicate kindly, forgive freely, and put God first, it's hard to imagine marriage as a blessing. And I think that's where we get that phrase, marriage is hard work. And we know how much I don't like that phrase, but I want us to change that. And we need to change that for the sake of our kids and grandkids, to glorify God through our marriages. Ephesians 5:31-33 calls our marriage a profound mystery reflecting Christ and the church. Husbands loving as Christ loved, and then wives respecting. But if you've never seen that in practice, it feels abstract or honestly purely theoretical. I have seen couples enter therapy thinking conflict is normal because that's what they've experienced, where Yelling, screaming, cursing, people being rude, disrespectful, patronizing, all things they experienced from the married couples around them. So they thought that was just a part of marriage. They may not like it, but it's one of those where they figured it is what it is. That's why I have a firm boundary with the married couples I work with. They're not allowed to curse at each other anymore. And I've had a lot of people push back on that. And even multiple people asked over the years if that's even possible. Or some are maybe brazen enough to ask me, are you telling me you and your husband have never cursed at each other? And I can honestly say, no, we've never cursed at each other. It's a line we won't cross. Because how does that help anything? Or I've seen couples who live maybe more the parallel lives, way more like roommates or business partners. They do their own things most evenings and mornings. They rarely talk to one another, don't hug or kiss, much less have sex. So while they may not have conflict, they certainly don't have intimacy or vulnerability, compassion or adventure. Because without examples, people often settle for less than God's design. So what are practical tips? Well, seek out healthy models. Think about married couples you know— your parents, aunts and uncles, grandparents, maybe the parents of your friends— and then walk through what did you appreciate about their marriage? What did they do well? What would you like to emulate. And if you don't have a healthy model in your life, and that's true of lots of my clients, well, then let's go in the opposite direction. So walk through what isn't good. What did they do poorly? Name what you don't want to be like. And then seek out resources, Christian marriage books, podcasts. I have 3 different marriage courses for you to check out. And then find mentors who've been married 20+ years. Watch how they handle disagreements or how they support each other. For a lot of my clients, I'm the longest marriage they know. So not only do people struggle to find good, God-honoring marriages in daily life, next, let's talk about the poor examples in media. We have commercials, shows, movies, and even social media. They're shaping views more than we would like to realize. In an age where people are busy and don't take the time to get together with family and friends, you can start to build a connection with the characters in the shows. Turn on the TV or any of the streaming platforms, and marriages are often portrayed as battlegrounds. Constant sarcasm, affairs for drama, or husbands as bumbling idiots and wives as nagging all the time. I'm sure you can all think of multiple shows that fit that category. Or let's go the opposite direction where the rom-coms and it's all butterflies and feelings and— hello, most Hallmark movies— and it turns it into an unrealistic expectation. And that's not helpful either. But Where's the middle ground? I asked AI for television examples of healthy, loving marriages that didn't demean each other or involve infidelity, and it did give me a few. So Friday Night Lights, This Is Us, Parks and Recreation, The Cosby Show, and Bluey, which I actually really appreciate that Bluey is an example of a beautiful marriage that hopefully our kids are seeing too. But if you can think of more, add them to the comments below because we need more examples. And then there's social media. It's either the filtered highlights, the perfect vacations, and no real struggles. And I have to be honest, Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day are really ridiculous on social media. Why? Why are you telling them on social media? Don't you live with them? Tell them those nice things to their face or get them a card. And if you already did, then the post is just for you to show off how great of a spouse you are. I know that maybe sounds harsh, but it's not really different than Jesus outing the Pharisees for making a show of their prayers and fasting. It takes away from the beauty that you are trying to establish with your spouse. Don't rob each other by making it into a show. Or we have the social media posts that trash their spouses, or they air their dirty laundry. I had a client whose spouse would create a poll on social media to prove they were right in a situation. Or I'll see marriage advice posts and the posts are fantastic, but then in the comments I'll read, can someone tell my spouse this? Guys, these things make me so sad because marriage is meant to be so much more than this. Proverbs 4:23 warns, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. What we consume influences our heart, and even more so, what we're willing to engage in. Media portrays— suggests that marriage is disposable or self-centered rather than and sacrificial. As Philippians 2:3-4, in humility, value others above yourselves. I had one couple who acknowledged not having a healthy marriage example in their life. Neither one of 'em actually lived with their parents growing up, and they often binge shows with cheating plotlines, which unfortunately nowadays is pretty common. And they realized they had come to believe infidelity was likely going to be inevitable in their relationship, and it made 'em really suspicious of each other, but no evidence. Neither one of them had any intent. Uh, they just feared the other one would. So what are tips to counter social media? First, be intentional about the media. Choose shows with positive characters. Turn it into a challenge if you have to. See if you can find some good marriages. Now you might end up watching some old shows and movies, but— or discuss with your spouse the bad behavior you are noticing in shows and movies you're watching. When I've had clients do this in the past, I tell them to focus on the behavior of their sex. So wives focus on the bad behaviors of the wife or women in the show, and then husbands do the opposite. I'm pretty sure my husband probably gets frustrated with me when we watch things 'cause there are so many examples of really, really terrible wives, and it bothers me so badly I can't help but call it out. Also, limit the mindless scrolling on social media. It's not helpful in so many ways. So while the media gives the poor examples to us, as adults and married couples, it's hard enough for us to filter through it. Remember, these are the examples your kids are seeing too. But the most powerful influence on your kids is the marriage they see every day. Your marriage is an example for your kids and grandkids, or future grandkids, for better or worse. Kids learn marriage from watching you, how you speak, resolve fights, and show affection. If it's loving and God-centered, they see beauty. And something to be excited about. If your example is tense, chaotic, or distant, they might fear commitment or maybe worse, believe that's normal. Proverbs 22:6, start children off the way they should go, and even when they are old, they will not turn from it. Identify what you want your marriage example to be: a marriage of grace, fun, and prayer together? Write it as a vision statement. It's anything, anything you guys want, such as, our marriage is a place of forgiveness and joy and points everyone to Christ. Then work towards doing that, whether it's date nights or apologizing in front of kids, praying as a family. Be intentional every day. I had a couple who noticed that When they reduced arguing, their kids argued less between siblings, and their oldest even said, you guys seem happier. Here's the thing, their oldest was 5. Kids notice. Earlier in my career, when I worked with little kids, they would often tell me they were worried their parents were going to get divorced because they'd hear 'em yelling or screaming. And it affected how they presented in school. In my office, I would come to know if things hadn't been going very well at home, depending on how they would even just walk into my office. Sometimes it was that clear to be able to see. And then their behaviors at home. Now, I don't work with little kids anymore, but when I work with teenagers, they'll frequently ask me what the point of marriage even is. Because some will say, I don't even think my parents like each other. And they're not sure that too many of their friends' parents do either. Guys, it's not okay. It can be so beautiful and so much more than this. So tips: remember, they're always watching. Choose what you want them to catch you doing. Dance in the kitchen together, helping each other, apologize genuinely. Encouraging each other. Tell your kids why you love your spouse. Brag about them. A couple of years ago, our daughter told me she couldn't wait to have a husband who loved her the way Daddy loved me. What a beautiful, beautiful compliment, right? I'm sure I had some tears and I'm sure she looked at me silly, but what better compliment can you possibly have? And review with your spouse every few months. What are we teaching them? What are we doing well? And what do we need to improve on? Because here's the thing, you and your spouse can break generational patterns, whether that's divorce or it was emotional or physical abuse or just distance in your parents' marriage. Your marriage can stop the cycle. Many carry wounds from parents' marriages or the marriages that they saw, whether yelling or abandonment or control, but Romans 12:2, be transformed by the renewing of your mind. You can choose differently. Identify patterns. Journal family history. What repeated? I encourage both of you to do this and then share it with each other. Most often it is not just your parents. They learned somewhere too. Sometimes this can go back multiple generations. Seek counseling to heal either separately or as a couple, and then build new habits. First, recognize what healthy is. In all the marriages I've worked with, I always ask their parents' or parental figures' marriage example. Did they view their parents' marriage as healthy and positive? And then we typically compare patterns and identify how they can be done differently. Depending on your family history, you may need outside perspective to highlight the unhealthy parts. I can't tell you how many marriages I've worked with where they would talk about the marriages that they grew up with, strongly believing they were healthy. And guys, they were really toxic. And if anyone knows me, I certainly don't use that word lightly. So here are tips. Pray over patterns and then release them to God. Read marriage books, or again, please check out some of my marriage courses. I'll put the links in the show notes. Seek out mentors who've broken cycles. Maybe they can speak to some of the ways that they did it when they saw things in their parents' marriages that weren't positive. And then celebrate progress. You're choosing better for your family. Whether through media, family, or your own home, marriages set examples. Your marriage gets to be a living testimony. Please choose for better to reflect Christ's love, break chains, and inspire generations. So a quick reflection: What pattern do you want to break Or build? What's one step this week? Please let me pray. Heavenly Father, thank You for the beautiful design of marriage. Help us to be examples of Your love, breaking cycles and modeling for our kids. Renew our minds, transform our homes. In Jesus' name, amen. Thank you guys for joining today. And if this episode encouraged you even just a little, Please subscribe or follow and share it with someone who could use the encouragement too. I'd love to connect with you. So check out the Forward Path with Melissa community. There are daily prompts for encouragement, accountability, and growth, weekly live question and answer sessions discussing that week's podcast episode, and then quarterly group coaching workshops to help you grow in your God-given purpose and marriage. You can head to melissagendreau.com/community. Also, find me on social media @ForwardPathWithMelissa. Until next Monday, keep growing, keep shining, and keep moving forward God's way. God bless.
