Mel Robbins breaks down why you forget names: you never actually listen the first time. Her three-step fix is Listen, Repeat, Reply. Repeat the name twice, then create a hook by complimenting them, asking how to spell it, or linking it to someone you know. She claims this cuts forgetting by 90%.
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I'm going to tell you that the main culprit in forgetting people's names has nothing to do with your memory. It's that you never even knew the name to begin with. So most people, when they think they've forgotten a name, they never imprinted it on their mind. And the reason is when the person told you their name, you didn't listen. That's literally— it's the simplest step. It's so silly. You're not going to believe me. I call it listen, repeat, reply. Okay, please say it again. Listen, repeat, reply. Listen, repeat, reply. I want this to be something that 10 minutes after this episode you will start using, and 10 years from now you will still be doing on a daily basis. Listen, repeat, reply. You will not forget a name again if you follow these directions. I don't care what your memory is like. The listen is the simplest by far, but for a lot of us, it's the hardest. When you meet someone, Listen to their name. I know it sounds so simple, but what does that mean? It means quiet your mind. Because at that moment, most of us are thinking a bunch of things. The big ones are, do I know this person already? What am I gonna say next? Oh my God, did I feed my dog this morning? Did I XYZ? A million thoughts are going through your head and our brains are not good at reading and writing at the same time. They do one of them really well at best. So right when I meet someone, I clear my mind and I say, what's your name? Tracy. And I immediately repeat, listen, repeat. I'm going to repeat their name a minimum of twice immediately after hearing it. You right then have about a 90% less chance of forgetting that name in the next 15 seconds. Listen, repeat. The last one really ensures that it is solidified in your mind. Reply. Say something back that hooks it in your memory. Here are the 3 that I like to use. First, a compliment. A compliment right away. I go, Mel, I love your glasses. Mel, where did you get those? So it does 2 things. One, people like to hear compliments. Two, it's a visual. So now you're Mel with the glasses in my mind, right? I've connected to something visual that I see. I've said your name more than once. Next one, how do you spell the name? Now, for, for a lot of names, you'd be shocked. If it's John, I go, are you John with an H, or you're John with no H? And I go, John with the H. That's the right way to spell it. I've now said the name 4 times, right? You're going to remember John with the H. You can do that with Tracy. You can do that with Michelle. One L or two Ls? I go, Michelle with two Ls. I know so many of you, the Michelle with one L. You make a joke, you make something. Third, if you can connect it to somebody you already know. So if I meet somebody and the guy's name is Evan, I go, it's so funny, Evan. I go, we've got a great music teacher named Evan. He's a great guy. So anything you can do to connect it with an existing memory— now that's Evan, and you see it next to this other person, Evan. This is not a memory palace. This is not a mnemonic. I'm not going to— I'm telling you, try this.
