Mel Robbins breaks down how to win someone over in the first 10 seconds. Answer their immediate social questions to diffuse tension, set a time constraint, and open with something short and non-rejectable that captures attention.
One of the other things that you say is that the first 10 seconds that you spend with someone are critical. What is happening in those first 10 seconds?
Can I throw it back to the restaurant days? Because when I approached a table, I started noticing patterns. And that's what we do throughout life. We notice patterns when we behave with other people. How do we interact and what do those patterns yield, right? This does well, let's do it again. I noticed that if I approached people right away, Right when people see you, within the first second, there's so many judgments that occur. Now, in the situation I had specifically of walking up to you at a table, right away they ask themselves all of these questions. Who is this guy? What's he doing here? Does he work here? What's he— oh my God, he's got a deck of cards. Is he a magician? Is he any good? Is he going to leave?
Is he going to embarrass me?
That was— is he going to embarrass me? Does he need money? Oh my God, do I have money? All of those questions occurred in a split second. My job wasn't just to entertain you. My job was to diffuse tension and to answer every one of those questions, put a check mark next to them as quickly as possible in as few words and actions as possible, and then flip the power dynamic. You now want me to not leave. Now I'm in charge of your attention. I'm holding it in the palm of my hand in a very different way. I immediately put a time constraint in place because The lingering person who walks up to you, you don't know when they're going to go. They're close talking. Oh my God, how long is this conversation going to be? If I walk up to you and say, I only have 30 seconds, right away I've taken away so many of the parts of tension that you had. Who is this? Are they going to stay? What are they doing? Is this going to be long? And then right away I know that you don't know if I work there. You don't know who I am. Am I asking you for money? Right away I knew that money and getting a tip makes you awkward. I see people searching, honey, do you have money? Do that. So I would say to you, Have you heard what's going on tonight? This is your lucky night. So right away, I've asked a question that has no yes or no, because no one says no. I don't like lucky nights, right? I go, the owner has me here as a special treat for all of you, and I'm going to show you the most amazing thing you've seen. So I haven't ever given you a question you can say no to, because when I used to walk up to the deck cards, who wants to see a trick? No thanks, kid. I've allowed you to to stop me. So I kept cutting down the amount of words, same way a great comedian makes a premise short and the punchline fast, to check every box so that by the time I walked up to you, you're intrigued, you're interested. You know I work there. You know the owner, Social Currency, has blessed you with being here. I'm here as a treat from the owner. I'm not asking you for money. I don't want money. And now keep in mind, I've opened the door, but you better deliver. So what I've done is I've taken away all the tension, but I better have a great trick as an opener.
Yes, you better.
All I've done is just start it. I'm not giving you the secret to how you're gonna be a success at what you do. That's on you. But I've given you the way to open the door so that the person's now interested.
Oprah Winfrey: How to Find Your Unique Purpose, Authentic Power, and Calling in Life
