How you became a people please | Mel Robbins #Shorts

So let's talk about the grief. When you really can see yourself in this.

Yeah.

Or you see your daughters in it, or you see your mother in it, you see your sister or your partner in it. Suddenly this explains all of the emotional monitoring. It explains the people pleasing, explains the critical nature of how somebody feels about themselves because they—

mood, mood, mood outbursts.

I mean, it explains— yes. Oh my God, that was me. Oh, yeah, I've worked so hard on this. Just— I used to be like a walking volcano.

Oh, it's so hard.

Oh, yeah. But once you see this and you start, you do experience grief. You experience grief for what you didn't receive. That's exactly right.

So we didn't know, so we couldn't grieve it. That's what's hard. Like, if you get a cancer diagnosis, you know, it's time to grieve and you go find a support group. You lose a parent or a child, we culturally sanction that grief. So you can tell your friends and they're gonna bring you food and they're gonna bring you coffee and they're gonna hold you and you can go to support group. What do you do with mother hunger? We haven't talked about it. There's no place to take the grief. So first of all, the body freezes it. It's literally frozen in the body. This is why we have lots of autoimmune problems as women, because that grief, if it's not acknowledged, just waits. It freezes. It's in your cells, it's in your bones, it's in your joints. But as soon as someone names it, and you're like, oh, well, the first reaction is going to be this overwhelming sense of sadness, because it's going to start to thaw. That grief is going to thaw. And grief has its own timing, its own rhythm. There are no perfect stages. But parts of grief can look like rage and anger, parts can look like blame, parts will look like sadness, parts will be numbing out, um, because we can't feel it all day. We're gonna have to pull away from it.