Dr. Shadeh distinguishes captivating charisma, the performative storytelling that grabs attention, from magnetic charisma, the approachable quality that makes people want to keep talking to you. You only need one. Magnetic charisma comes from trusting you belong in the room, making others feel seen through eye contact and questions, and being authentic.
Dr. Shadeh, do you have any tips for the person who's listening right now who feels like they're not charismatic enough at work or in life?
I always say there are two types of charisma and we get them confused. Mel, can you think about that person on stage or at that party and they are the life of the party? They're telling a story and everyone is hanging on to every word. We all know someone like this. Now, have you ever been in a situation where that story ends The person wraps up and then no one really goes to talk to them. They kind of talk to each other or they walk away. So what that person had was what I call captivating charisma. They're engaging. You really cannot wait to hear everything they're sharing. But then they lack something else.
Which is?
Which is magnetic charisma. Magnetic charisma is that quality people have that draws you in. You want to speak to them after. You want to know about them and their story. And so we see this a lot when we're looking at people who are speaking on stages. You might have an incredible keynote speaker who is phenomenal. Everyone is, again, completely transfixed. The keynote ends, they walk off stage, and no one approaches them after because they lack that magnetism, that approachability. So charismatic charisma can be taught. It's just about how you speak, the pronunciation, the storytelling, all of that.
It sounds like showmanship.
It does. It's performative.
Yes.
If you don't have the magnetic piece, that means that human quality is completely missing. And the beautiful thing is you can develop that human piece. Really, it comes down to making other people feel valued, other people feel seen. And so a few simple tips that you can use here. The first one is trust that you belong in every room that you go to. Channel that big trust energy that you are worthy, that you can do it, that you have a degree of control over the situation. You're powerful and you can handle the emotions. Because that changes how you show up. It changes how you speak. It changes whether you're speaking from that throat voice or whether you're speaking from that deep, breathy diaphragmatic voice with gravitas, and that changes how people respond. The second one, allow people to feel interesting and seen and valued in your presence, which means don't try to impress them. Try to give them space to share whatever it is that they're wanting to share. Ask them questions, follow up, be with them, put your phone away, make eye contact, do what you're doing now, which is nodding, demonstrating that you're engaged. This is how you become magnetic. Now, the third really simple one is fundamentally be a good person because that can help. Yes, people sense it.
