From Suicidal to World-Renowned Breathwork Coach, Josh Connolly Gets Real with Michael Smeltzer — SECOND ACT: Real Recovery Stories with Michael Smeltzer

Second Act is brought to you by The Last Resort family of programs. The Last Resort is a group of nationally recognized and accredited addiction treatment centers near Austin, Texas, that specialize in treating adults in an environment designed to foster healing, connection, and true recovery. Our mission at The Last Resort is to provide a nurturing and transformative healing experience to individuals and families seeking recovery from the impact of addiction. Welcome to Second Act. I'm Michael Smeltzer, and I am very excited for you guys to get to know this guy. I've got Josh Connolly with me. Josh is an author now, also a breathwork coach. and we're going to get into all that interesting stuff. But first and foremost, Josh, how are you, man?

I'm good, man. I'm good. I'm excited. I'm excited to have this conversation with you. And it's nice to hear myself be introduced as an author. I say nice. It still feels slightly strange at the moment, but good. Yeah.

Well, I can tell just by the preliminary research that I did, you very much deserve to be considered an author among many other things. And so I'm excited to get to know everything about you, about what you do. I, you know, admittedly so, don't know much about certain elements of what you do. So I'm going to ask a few simpleton questions because I'm a simpleton when it comes to breathwork. Very simple question here. What is breathwork?

Simple question. Maybe a complex answer.

Maybe not so simple, right?

Yeah. Here's what I would say, right? Breathwork, particularly my favorite style of breathwork, which is conscious connected breathing, right, is a technique to help close down the rational brain and bring you into your body so that you can dislodge and release some of the things that are trapped in there that you otherwise, I believe, wouldn't be able to do. Yeah, so there's a lot of, you know, in my journey on of healing and recovery and whatever you want to call it there's a lot of, um, talking I've done and it didn't, didn't reach some of the stuff that it needed to, you know. And so breathwork, getting into the body, um, any kind of somatic work I think is, is such a vital piece of, piece of the puzzle here on that journey.

Now just out of my own curiosity, because I am a meditator, I have a kind of a spiritual center that I try to align myself with, but, um, now does the breathwork that you do Is it specifically, uh, related to like certain rhythms or deeper breaths? How long is a session? You know, I'm just curious, how does that work? How does the practical element of implementing breathwork work?

Well, let me tell you a typical session that you— if you were to do a session with me, and I, and I feel already like you need to do one, uh, like I want you to try it, um, you— I would get you to lay down and you would do a deep breathing pattern through your mouth. So you wouldn't— it's not, not nasal breathing. You do this one all through your mouth and it's like a deep 2-part inhale, um, and then you're connected. So you don't rest in between each time that you let the breath go, you go straight into the next one. We would get you doing that for around about 26, 27 minutes, um, and at the end I finish all of my sessions by getting you to scream as loud as you can and release everything that's trapped in your body. And I promise you that, um, by the end of that 26 minutes you will be in a completely different planet in your mind. You will release emotions that you didn't know you had, and, uh, you will fall into a meditation like you've never meditated before. And I have people that come to my sessions that say they can't meditate, they can't sit still, they just can't do it. And post-breathwork, they're laying there for a long time in and out of different states.

So, well, now I'm excited. You got me intrigued. So, and we'll wrap up the episode by talking about where people can find you, because I know you have some online options and lots of cool content. About breathwork, but just to get some background and foundational information about you. I don't know the details, but it's my understanding that you have a history of drug addiction and alcoholism. And I read something on your website that was— you don't always see this on somebody's homepage of their website. It says, in December of 2012, I began to seriously plan my own suicide. So take me back to maybe just before that, what led to that, what, what you, what you were going through. A lot of people that listen to this podcast, uh, may be going through similar things, and so I think it's important that we touch on, uh, what that felt like and what, you know, what you were going through.

Yeah, well, look, what I would say, and, and this is, it may come as a little bit of a surprise, that the time that I planned my suicide very seriously, and I'd had like, uh, previous sort of what I would call pitiful attempts that perhaps were attempts, but where I didn't, you know, I certainly didn't feel like I was going to follow through. There may have been some kind of cry for help. I think they were like a mixture of the two of the things often. But this was very serious when I planned this. And, um, on this occasion particularly, um, I was about 9 months sober when I did that. So I was about 9 months free from alcohol and drugs. Alcohol was my main drug of choice, but I mean, I wasn't picky. Yeah, like I would take and do anything, anything to get out of body, anything. And look, after initial phase of feeling amazing because I'd quit drinking, right? And at that beginning you're like, I've quit, and I'm like, wow, this is amazing, like, you know, all of that kind of stuff. Very, very quickly, all of the feelings and emotions that I'd run away from came flooding back, and I didn't know how to deal with them. I'd always escaped my body, and now I had nothing. But perhaps even worse, and this is important, some of the behaviors that I used to blame on drink and drugs were creeping back in, and I was doing them sober. And that's something that I don't hear talked about very often. Yeah. Um, and so at like, as I got a few months into my sobriety, I'm now not only hurting in the same way that I was, but I'm doing things that I used to think that I only did because I was drinking, and now I'm doing them sober. And so where does that leave you? I was involved in sober communities at the time, and I went to 12-step fellowships when I got sober, and everybody seemed to be really enjoying it. Sobriety, you know. Everybody, everywhere I looked, everybody was finding it amazing, and I hated it with a passion. But of course I didn't say that because I wanted to be accepted. So I said what other people said, which is, I love being sober, it's amazing, I've got my kids back in my life. And I said everything that I needed to say, but it wasn't the truth. Um, and so after 9 months, I felt like I had nowhere else to go. I felt like it was the best decision for everybody, not just me, but my children and everybody in my life. And that's when I very seriously planned to take my own life. Yeah. 9 months sober. I say, just to wrap that piece up that I've said there, I say it took me— I drank for from the age of 12 to 24. I say it took me nearly 12 years to drink myself nearly to death. It only took me 9 months to nearly sober myself to death. Wow.

And see, that's not the message that you hear a lot of times about sobriety, and it's important because it's real. You know, you, you mentioned the 'this is who I am when I'm drunk' mindset, and then you take away the alcohol and all you're left with is 'this is who I am.' And so when objectionable behaviors crop back up and you begin to identify with those, that can be scary, you know. And I'm speaking from somebody with experience, you know, in that category as well. And so I appreciate you being candid about that. So, okay, so it's 2012, 2013, um, you're 9 months sober. I'm sure everybody is, uh, smiling and congratulating you on what a good job you're doing, and then inside you're you know, you're literally contemplating your own suicide. How do you get out of that? Where, where did you go from there? Is that where breathwork came in? Is there another avenue? Is there a mentor in your life? Uh, what happened?

The breathwork came a lot later, right? Um, at that, like, at that stage of my life, I think the, the big thing is, is that everybody was saying when they stopped drinking, it just— their life just got amazing, right? And I'm like, what's, what's wrong with me, man? Because like, my life feels worse. You know, there's even the saying I hear people say, um, my worst day sober is still better than my best day drunk. And I'm like, but you couldn't have been doing it right. You couldn't have been doing it right. Like, when I'm being honest, right? Um, but, but sort of, you know, jesting aside, um, it was lonely, man. It was lonely. And I didn't know how to be truthful. And what happened is I went, I went to say goodbye to my children. So I used to see my kids on the weekend, and I thought let me see them for one last weekend and be with them, um, and, and then, you know, I'll go about what I'm gonna do. And I think what happened is because it felt like a very spiritual experience— it was a very spiritual experience— but because I knew I was gonna die, right, which I did, because I was very at peace with the plan I'd made, um, the past became irrelevant and the future was non-existent. And for the first time perhaps ever, I was like just really present and in that space with my kids. Yeah, I was there. Yeah, it's there. Um, and I remember cuddling my daughter and thinking, wow, like, all of a sudden love crept in. Like, I've always known stuff intellectually. Yeah, I always know how to sit— like, I know what people want me to say. If somebody says, like, do you love your kids? I know how to say yes, I do, and then describe it. But the truth was, is at that stage of my life, I'd never felt that. I didn't— I'd never felt anything, not really, apart from terror. Um, and so, so in that weekend, it changed everything for me, and I was still going to 12-step fellowships at the time, and what happened was, is because I used to go and sit in these— and I think this is true in any community space, by the way, because my communities have evolved over the years— that I— the communities that I'm, I'm in, um, I went from wanting acceptance from the community. Yeah, so saying everything that I thought they wanted me to hear so that they said, oh, you know, I really enjoyed that, I really resonated. I was looking for that, to sitting in a community, a room full of people and saying my truth. And my truth at that, on that day, was, I don't, I don't like this. I don't like being sober. I don't want to be here. I don't feel like this is better than drinking. At least when I drank, I could escape for a weekend. I could write 4 days off and not have to sit in so much pain. And what happened was, is that after that, people said the same things. I resonate with you, I relate to you, and all of that stuff. But now it was actually with me, and that was new because it wasn't like an organized version of myself. You know, like a portrayed version. It was me. And I think that, you know, in the time that's followed since then, um, I've tried to stay as close as I can to that level of honesty because I know that if you can find your truth— only, actually, only when you find your truth will you find any solution. And I think there's loads of solutions out there, and I think they all— they're all worthy solutions. I think most of us struggle with reaching our truth, so knowing what what, what, what, what, what solution to find. Because let me just give you a very quick example. That whole idea, the whole thing that I said about your life getting better just by stopping drinking, and let me just make sure I don't drink and my life will be amazing— I think that's what works for some people. It's not my truth. I have to go, okay, well, let me do that. Let me just stop drinking and see if my life gets better. If it doesn't, I have to be truthful and go, sorry, this, this isn't me. This isn't working. Let me find something else. And my recovery for the last 12 years has been finding things, thinking they work, and then having enough about me to go, this isn't working anymore, I need to find something, I need to find something else. Um, and it's got me so far, you know, it's got me here, it's got me to this point at least.

Yeah, absolutely. And, and, uh, there's so much pressure in the world to match what you're supposed to look like and what you're supposed to feel like. You got the media pressures, now we have social media pressures constantly in your face. And so You know, kids nowadays, just they're so far behind, or at least some of them. It feels like they're digging themselves out of such a big hole when it comes to being authentic because, you know, even I don't know how old you are. I'm 36. And so even my generation, we got the Facebook and the Instagram and all that a little bit later. But even my age, I feel like there's so much pressure to show up a certain way. But the risk is exactly what you just outlined, which is If I'm out there just putting a facade into the universe, then when I go to get help or I go to connect with somebody or I need treatment or whatever it is, I'm just treating that facade. It's the fake person. I'm not getting any real movement in my core and in my being. And so I appreciate that message, man. That's, that's real. That's like the real stuff that people need to hear. Um, let's transition to your book a little bit because, uh, I know it's not out yet, right? It's like you're able to pre-order it. The title of the book is It's Them, Not You: How to Break Free from Toxic Parents and Reclaim Your Story. Wow. A kind of a captivating title there. Almost a little bit of a controversial title. So I'm interested. I always ask people like, where did the title come from? Because we know that's such an important piece of a book. And so I know that there's so much good content in there that I want to get at. But first and foremost, where'd you get that title?

So it's quite like a— it's the, the title came because I wanted it to be a little bit confronting, um, because I think sometimes, sometimes we need to pierce through, uh, the way that we layer up our experience to get to that truth. Yeah. And I've done a lot over the, over the last year since, since I got sober to support initially children affected by parents drinking, and I still am heavily involved in, in that work. But what I started to realize is that, listen, what I believe is, is that horrible people exist for whatever reason. Now, they may have been born that way, they may have, you know, developed that way. I'm sure in most cases it's, you know, a combination of all of those things. But what I know to be true, and we see this, we see facts of this everywhere, is that some people become toxic and horrible and remain that way until they leave this world, right? Most of those people, and most of us can think of a handful at least of people that are like that, And then you have to recognize that they're parents. And so once you recognize that some of them are parents, you recognize how difficult it is if it's your parent. And if you grow up with that, right? Somebody who is consistently horrible and incapable of reflecting on that. And I think we live in quite a dysfunctional society because society will tell you that if it's your parents, then you have a duty to keep that relationship going no matter what. That's what people People truly believe that you should love your mum and dad no matter what. So what if they're abusive? You know, what if they're toxic and abusive? Then what? And what's incredible is the lengths that people will go to, generally speaking, to protect the abuser, particularly in this case. I think it actually happens in a lot of cases, but particularly in this case. And so it's still one of our— Western culture, at least anyway— one of our greatest taboos, one of the things that's not talked about. So You know, a lot of the work that I do in my life today is about sort of bringing light to that situation.

Yeah, you have a quote now. I think I pulled this from like an Instagram reel or something. It just stuck out to me. It said, everybody deserves a place that they can call home. Everybody deserves a place that they— oh, everybody deserves a place that they can call home. We grow up in properties and houses. It's our parents that make them homes. Everybody deserves that. And they— and if they don't have it, then it's natural that they spend their life yearning and looking for it. All right, I thought that was pretty profound. I kind of fumbled through the beginning of it, but you get, you get the idea. I thought that was a pretty profound quote.

If you want to pull it out for one of my quotes, it's probably all spelling mistakes and missing words out of it. That's probably why you stumbled on it.

Do you want to expand on that though? Because I, I feel like that really resonates. It's like we grow up seeking a place that we can call home. It's not the building that we live in, it's not the school that we go to, it's not the the property or the land. It's the people. And the people that we're shaped by are the parents. And so if we don't get that connection at a very young age, we can spend the rest of our life seeking that validation, seeking that connection, seeking that love. And I'm just guessing that you experienced some level of that and it's driving the work that you're doing today.

Well, look, I think you've nailed it in terms of like the quote that you've brung and then to, to explain it, right? I think sometimes people can take that for granted, right? And I think that's some of the reason why people find it so hard to, to believe that a parent could be that, right? I think we're all flawed as individuals. We all have traits that might be deemed toxic, right? And I think sometimes people hear me go toxic parent and their parents themselves— I'm a parent myself, right? And without thinking, they just think, oh my God, like, I mean, if the— if my kids wrote down everything that I'd done that was awful, they're like like, you know, I would be up as a toxic parent myself. But this— I'm talking about something slightly different. And I do think that perhaps you have to have experienced a level of it to understand that. I grew up— my dad was an alcoholic. Um, I didn't necessarily experience— I, I don't remember, or I certainly can't recall experiencing him as a toxic person. And I'm still very close with my mum. But I certainly know what it's like to grow up feeling like I've got nowhere that I can call home. And, and what do I mean when I say home? I mean, we all self-organize to some extent, right? When you go out in the world, we all to some degree are putting on a level of a show, right? No matter how authentic we are. And, you know, people will say to me, no, I'm completely— I'm just whoever I am. And I'm like, I don't know if that's fully possible. I think if we look hard enough, we'll— and everybody deserves somewhere where you open the door and you just take all of it off and you be what you need to be. If you need to cry and wail, then you cry and wail. But I think if you grew up in an environment that was dysfunctional to any degree, and I certainly grew up in a dysfunctional environment initially, um, you don't get that. You don't get that place. Um, and then so you don't know what it looks like. And if you don't have a place that you could call home, then you never get a chance to be yourself. And if you never get a chance to be yourself, you're going to struggle to get in any meaningful relationships because you don't know who you are. So how are you going to meet somebody that can connect with who you really are? So then you go on to build a place that's not home either. It's a place that's developed around organizing, self-organizing, and changing who I am. So like, I think we, I think we all to some degree are not free from that. We get caught in that. But if there was a scale of toxicity that we all sit somewhere, probably the average person sits in the middle of. There's a lot of people that have grown up with a parent, and I've known and loved people in this situation, uh, that grow up with parents that are right at the extreme end of that. And when that's the case, it's really hard, you know.

Now, I'm sure that there's parents that will listen to this or watch this that have kids that are in their formative years or kids that are struggling with addiction or school, and, and they're going to think to themselves, like, fuck this guy. This guy doesn't know me, you know? Like, he doesn't know what I've been through, like, why I do the things I do. And so what would you say to that? What would you say to the parents, right? Because your message, it appears to be primarily to the, uh, I guess you could call it the victim or the person that's been perpetrated against. But you know, there's parents out there that maybe they grew up in a similar situation and they carried on that behavior, and they maybe they are addicts or alcoholics themselves or even violent individuals, and they want to change, they want to be better, and they hear you come along saying, uh, break off relationships with your toxic parents, you know. And so that I can imagine that that would feel like an attack to some parents, right? So what, like, what would you say to them? And, and how do you, how do you yourself ensure that you're not, uh, exhibiting these behaviors towards your own kids?

So there's a few, there's a few points in there. Firstly, um, I would never say to anybody that they should cut contact.

Got it.

But what I would say is that for some people it is the only option, and I understand when people have to do that. And I'm regularly asked 'Should I cut contact with my parents?' And I say, 'I don't know. I know that some people should if they're in an abusive relationship, that some people should, but I don't know.' But let's arm everybody with all of the facts and the details to do what's right for them, right? That's the one thing I would say for that. The second thing is, is when you say, 'What would you say to the parent who's perhaps grown up with their own struggles, become an alcoholic and an addict themselves, and perhaps has their own toxic behaviors?' I am one of those people. Yeah, right, that is me. You're talking about that, that's me. Um, I got sober, my eldest was 6 when I got sober. She had a toxic parent for the first 6 years of her life. She had a toxic parent. If I'd never have changed ever, then she would be in every right to cut me off. She's nearly 18 now, my eldest, to give you an example. I tell her, if ever I drink again, if I go back out there and I get back caught in that cycle, don't you be afraid to cut me out. And you keep me at a safe distance. Yeah, because I have compassion for everybody. I really do. I have compassion for everybody. I'd like to think that there's a chance that anybody and everybody could change, right? I'd like to hope there is. I'm not convinced there is, but I'd like to hope there is. And I would like to give everybody the opportunity to do that. If you're a toxic— if you think you're a toxic parent and you're looking to change, I will step up and try and help you do that. Yeah. However, If your behavior is toxic repeatedly all of the time, and the parents at the top end of the scale, the ones that where people normally have to cut contact, they're not self-reflecting, they're not questioning, they're not listening to this thinking I'm a toxic parent. They just don't remotely think I'm talking about them because they don't have that level of decency and self-reflection in them. So they won't even— so they won't even— what they might— what there might be is people getting really, really triggered, which I get online a lot, which is— and they— and then people just, just like a abuse me, right? And get just really angry with me. So, so like, I think, look, this is everybody's situation and, and, and the conversation is nuanced and we all have our own toxic traits. But I think the real difference here is that self-reflection piece. You know, when like— and, and a couple of things, like I say to my kids, if ever that I do anything in this home that you feel like you, you're not comfortable talking to me about, talk to someone, talk to another adult, trust an adult. Talk to your teacher, talk to anybody at school. Tell them, if I'm doing something that's worrying you, that makes you feel uncomfortable, talk to a trusting adult. Because why wouldn't I? Why wouldn't I? Because I, I haven't got anything to hide. Yeah, if I was worried about, really worried about my behavior, I might try and manipulate them into not talking to anybody else. And then also I revisit my kids. I go back and I say, you know, yesterday when I was being horrible, that was a me thing, and I'm sorry. And the people, the toxic parents that I'm talking about, where, where no contact becomes a possibility, they're not doing that ever. Ever, you know.

Yeah, man, it's a great message, you know. And, and you've just got me thinking here. So there's an underlying tone of morality and values and ethics, and you mentioned the 12-step rooms and all that. And, and before we hit record today, you gave me permission to challenge you a little bit here. So I'm gonna ask you one of these kind of tougher questions. Where is God in all of this for you? Is it called God? Is it the universe? Is it energy? Is it just spiritual center, because I know a lot of people that go through these journeys that we're talking about here, they have some level of that that needs to be built into their life and their approach. And I don't know how the 12-step rooms are over in the UK, but here stateside, across the pond, I mean, you walk into a 12-step room and, you know, God in capital letters, it will hit you pretty fast. And for some people, uh, that's a turn-off, right? Because some people have had different experiences with that word and what that means. And so I'm curious if you could speak to, uh, where does that kind of align with or, or guide you?

It's evolved and changed a lot over the years. Yeah, uh, I've had problematic ideals in my head of what it is. Uh, I think at the beginning, what I would say is at the beginning I didn't care. Right? I was so desperate for something. If you'd have said you've got to run around naked out the front, I'd have been like, what? All right, but if, if you lot are all sober, you've got this amount of— let me do that, right? So there's a level of that at the beginning. But let me— look, I think everybody's experience of whatever that is, what God is, is different. Yeah, but here's, here's what, here's what I think and what I believe. When I find a level of presence in my life, right, when I'm truly present, when I forget that the world exists, right? And everything just— like, maybe I'm playing a board game with my kids, right? And I come around, I come to, and I think I haven't thought about anything else but this board game for the last 10 minutes. Yeah. Um, there is something in me, something in my body and in my spirit that I cannot comprehend, and that words would not do it justice. That's about as close as I can get. And what I would also say to that is that for me, this is just my truth, the times when I've had a real fixed idea of what God is in my life is normally because I'm struggling and I need something fixed to look at. The times when I'm really connected and I'm present and I'm in myself, I don't really care what it is, I just know that it's not me, you know? And I think so, I think sometimes our need for certainty pulls us away from the beauty of what life is. Yeah, because, because the true— even when we talk about things like love and stuff, yeah, presence. When I'm, when I'm with my kids, when I'm fully in it, like, words wouldn't do it justice. Words wouldn't do it justice. Um, so it's there, it's there for me. Um, and I actually— it's one of the things I don't talk that openly about it because I think it's a real— I think it's a real personal thing as well.

It's personal.

It's really personal. So like It's, it's, it's really— and, uh, and sacred. And, uh, I don't feel I need to push it on anybody, you know what I mean? When— because I'm very comfortable with it. The things that I'm uncomfortable with, I pretend— I tend to get over-evangelical about. So I have been over-evangelical about God in my early recovery, and that's because I wasn't comfortable with it, with my own idea of it, you know?

That's, that's perfect, man. I love that. I've never heard anybody articulate it quite like that. And I would encourage you to— I know you're not going to push it on people, but I would encourage you to talk about it more because I feel like that the way you articulated that, at least for me, makes a lot of sense. It's funny, I fell into one of these moments about 2 days ago. I have a 2-year-old daughter. Her name is Hudson, and 2-year-olds are just batshit crazy, man. You know, like she's, she's running around breaking things and slamming things. I mean, you just lose your mind with a 2-year-old sometimes. And then out of nowhere, we, you know, we end up on the couch and I'm holding her and I put on this documentary about tigers, right? And this, this little girl that's 2 years old is watching this documentary. I'm holding her. She's seeing a tiger like in the wild, kind of like for the first time. And, and I fall into this moment where I'm so present, I'm almost overcome with, with tears because it's like so real and such a such an oasis in the daily grind of work and chasing a 2-year-old around and, you know, trying to make sure my wife is okay and all these things. And I don't know if you call that God, you know, I don't care what you call that, but I know that it's bigger than me. I know that it kind of— it's that energy that connects everything. And I appreciate you pulling that out of me because when you were talking, I remembered that moment. Uh, and, and it is very personal. It's very cool, uh, you know, and, uh, beautiful. It's just beautiful.

And by the way, I think children, particularly of that age, always pull it out of us, right? They always pull it out of us. And in those moments, right, in those moments, you, you start to feel, um, completely inseparate from them. Yeah, you start to feel like it's like, it's like, it's like the current in the ocean, right? It's not like, yeah, The current's not part of the ocean, it is the ocean, right? And I think when you have those moments where you're like, there is no beginning and no end, it's not even a full circle, it just is. Kids bring that out in us, right? Because kids are the essence. Before the rational brain comes in and we start to try and make sense of stuff, it's the rational brain that does us, because we try and make sense of things. Yeah, once we try and make sense of things, we always fall short, you know? And the more that we continue to talk about it in the way that we are now, we will just come away from it. We'll come away.

Yeah, what do you lose as you get further from it?

Yeah, yeah, so true, man.

The— it's funny, man, because they're just closer to the source too, right? Like, whatever they're— whatever they're coming from, they're closer to it. Makes sense. So I have a newborn too. It makes me want to run to him and shake him and be like, what are all the answers? And now I'm in trouble because I'm talking about shaking babies publicly here. Do not shake babies. But, you know, I love that. That's awesome. You know, this is a good segue, actually. So I wanted to ask you about— forgive me if I get the name wrong because I didn't write it down, but you have a podcast that is just fucking hilarious, man. I think it's 115 Miles. Is that the name of it?

That's it. Yeah.

It's so good. And you can tell, like, this is what life is about, man. You have this buddy. Is it Hassan?

I see. Yeah.

Yeah, so you and Hassan, and I've just seen little pieces of it, but I'm going to dive in a little more because I mean, this content is gold. Anybody that is listening to this or watching this, go check out 115 Miles. You can tell that you guys just love each other, you know, in the, in the purest sense of the word. And you guys are just asking each other the stupidest questions. And it's just, it's just such good content. And I was flipping through a few clips of it. And so Tell us a little bit about 115 Miles, because I really enjoyed what little bit of that that I explored.

Well, that's so— man, it's so nice to hear, and I can't wait to tell Has that you said that. We started it during lockdown, actually, and there's two different reasons, right? I'm very playful and sort of jovial in my life, right? I like to make a joke out of everything. Like, that's just who I am. And in my work, I'm often very, very serious. Yeah, because I'm talking about serious topics, actually. And, and the podcast has helped with this. What I wanted to get out of the podcast was to bring more of my, my funny true self out, right? Yeah. And Hass, um, his— not to speak too much for him, but he was like, wanted to get into being more laid back in speaking in a more public way. And so, yeah, we just, we started it and it grew, really. It's called 115 Miles because we grew up 115 miles apart. And the idea is that We grew up with very different backgrounds. He's got brown skin, I've got white skin. And then we take really difficult topics that people don't want to talk about, and then we try and pull them apart and try and make, you know, we say at the beginning of every podcast, I hope you're sitting comfortably because this is about to get uncomfortable. And then we try and tie each other up in knots with the subjects that we talk about, basically. Um, and it has, it's really helped me, my content in more recent years, you know, when I say more recent years, I mean the last 2 or 3. I've been able to bring my playful side in because I felt more comfortable with it on a, you know, on more of a public level. And so my content now, I— in my content, I talk about really difficult subjects and try and have a bit of a, a bit of a joke with it as well, you know.

I don't know how difficult these questions will be, but just in honor of some of the questions I heard you guys ask each other, I'm going to hit you with a couple random ones here. Um, if you could be any animal, what would you be and why?

Uh, so I've got a bit of a sort of— maybe it's a naff cheesy answer, but I would definitely be an owl.

Okay.

I don't know, I just really relate to owls. Yeah, so yeah, like, I don't know, man, they just seem to be able to sit really chilled, you know what I mean? They just take life in, it just happens, you know? And when they want to, they can spread them wings and they can look big and strong, and— but otherwise they just chill and they seem wise and all of that stuff. So, so, so maybe an owl. Yeah.

I like that. You know, it's just, I think it's a symbol of wisdom. I like, I think an owl is good. I'm going to go with, and I don't even know if this is true. I didn't think of my own answer before I asked this. Rookie mistake by me. Um, but I'm going to go with, I think it's a puffin. Is a puffin the one that it can fly and swim and run around? I think, I feel like, yeah, versatility.

Like a penguin, didn't they?

A little bit like a penguin, but they can, they can actually fly. And so to me, it's like you get You get to swim in the ocean, you get to fly around in the clouds, you get to run around on the ice. You know, to me, that seems like a good, a good way to go.

Interesting that we've both gone for animals that fly.

Oh, I feel like you're missing the point if you don't at least have flight in the equation, right? I think that deep, deep down in every human, there's a, you know, I wonder if anybody's like a mosquito or like a vulture or something, you know, like just—

All right.

One, one more, one more, and then we'll, then we'll wrap up here. If you could live in any— if you could be born in any time period, oh, okay, what, what time period would you choose? Past, present, future, everything's on the table.

Okay, the, the first answer that jumped straight out to me was, uh, I really like punk music, right? So what, whatever date I would need to have, have needed to been born so that I could be late teens during the real punk era. So in the UK, it was like The Clash and the Sex Pistols and Like, I would really have loved that. Um, I would also have liked to have been a similar age during the '60s when drugs were really taking off and it was like Hazy Days in Love. So like, I feel like there's a common theme here, by the way, in the, in the, in the eras that I'd been born. And then, so there's two that jump out, but then I'd love to, I'd love to go right, right back when civilization was really new.

Yeah.

You know, when we didn't have anything and it was— you were just living on your instincts. You know, the days where you had to go and find food, then you came back to your tribe, danced around a fire, and I don't know, probably prayed and meditated, right? So yeah, whatever age that would be, that would be my, my answers. Yeah. What about you?

I— well, I'm really intrigued by the, yeah, the early civilizations as well, but I can't get my modern Western brain around the fact that nobody would be wearing deodorant. You know, that's the one that would just— it would, you know, like, that's the one kind of catch, catch for me there. But I think I'm going to go into the future. You know, I'm, I'm an optimist. And so that's a risky answer, like maybe 100 years into the future where civilization is still recognizable to me. But I, I believe that if I went 100 years into the future, things would be better and not worse. Now, I run the risk of just a nuclear fallout post-Armageddon situation, but hey, you know, that's the risk there.

Do you think the world is worse now than— and I know, like, we weren't around 60 years ago, but like, this is one of the things we chatted about on 150 Miles at one point, right? We seem to sort of generically now talk like the world is heading on a slide and it's going downhill and it's getting worse and all that kind of stuff, right? That seems to be the general consensus. Is it? Yeah, is it right? Or is it— are we just fed so much negative ideals of it now that we believe that to be true?

Yeah, you know, I haven't thought of it this way before, but I, I would say that there's, there's an equilibrium kind of at every stage of the game, right? Like in, like in the, in early civilization, like we were just talking about, there's the benefits of, you know, not everybody walking around looking at a cell phone. There's not the, the social pressures of the, you know, globalization and all that. But, but then again, there's no deodorant, you know, there's a saber-toothed tiger that might eat you, right? Like, there's, there's that. And then you fast forward to today and it's like, well, it's amazing that, you know, penicillin exists so I can live past 30 years old, you know? Like, so is— are things, are things really worse? Well, Maybe because there's a guy in, you know, in another continent that could push a button and blow us all up. You know, I think what's always been true is that our world is a reflection of what's going on inside of us. And so when I'm looking at the world and it's— and it appears to be going downhill, maybe it's not the world, you know, maybe it's me that's going downhill.

So yeah, and maybe there's a— maybe there's a collective thing of that going on. And just on the future thing, yeah, there's a guy— there's a British comedian called Jimmy Carr. Have you heard of him?

No, no, but I will look him up.

So he was on a Stephen Bartlett podcast. You may have heard of that, The Diary of the CEO podcast.

Yeah.

Um, so Jimmy Carr was on that fairly recently, and he said one of the mottos that he lives his life by, and I just— it— this really struck me when I heard it the other day. He said, um, in 25 years— I'm same age as you, 36, right? Okay. He said, in 25 years from now, you would give me everything that you own materially to be as, as healthy and as fit and as alive as you are now, right? So it's like whatever you go out and do and earn or whatever it is in this world, in 25 years you'd give it all back to be as fit and healthy as you are now. And so we're 36, what, what, we're 50, we'd be over 60, and what we'd give to just have what we have now. And there's two things I take from that. One is like, wow, yeah, time moves fast. Let— don't forget to— and don't forget to enjoy how good you do have it right now. And the second thing that I take from that is I wanna, I wanna make what I have now last as long as I can, you know. I really wanna— and as somebody who battered and abused my body for so long, I really want to give it the best, my body and my soul, the best opportunity to when I get to 60, that, that maybe I'm in such a good place that I'm not as fussed about it as he's saying, you know.

Yeah, yeah, I strongly relate to that, man. And I— that's a really good, uh, Full circle moment right there. So Josh, tell, uh, tell all the— everybody listening, uh, where can they find you if they want to get to know you better, follow you on social, pre-order your book? Uh, where can people find you?

So my book's on my website. My website's just joshconnolly.co.uk, but on Instagram and TikTok, I'm JoshFFW. Uh, and so yeah, you can find me pretty easily there. I'm very busy on, on those platforms, and they're probably the best way to come and connect with me. Yeah.

Well, Josh, I feel like I made a friend, man.

Same.

Same. If you ever head on over to the United States, I'm in Texas. If you're ever over here, you better hit me up. We got some amazing restaurants down here. I'll take you out to eat. I appreciate your time. That is Josh Connolly. I am Michael Smeltzer, and that was Second Act.