Episode 220: Networking is Dead with Scott Gerber

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So a unitard combines like leggings or tights with a leotard. A leotard is just like the bodice. Just the top.

And what's a bodice? You said like, what's a bodice?

It's the part that covers abdomen. Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah. I mean, I don't know what the technical definition is, but that's my.

And so you were listening, you were listening to a last. What episode were you listening to? Like we were talking about?

It was the one with Liz Kislik, and you asked if you could take any animal and blow them up to be the size of a horse, what would I choose? And you chose an ant. But not because of the aunt, but because you wanted to dress up in a leopard print unitard, have a whip and a mustache.

Wouldn't that be awesome?

Yeah.

Cause that's a reason to do anything.

No, but my logic behind that is, say there's a big fair going on. It's always the same stuff. It's the creepy clowns, people throwing candy that impales you in the face.

What? Where does that happen?

Every fair. What? Every parade, they throw the candy.

A parade or fair, they're two different things.

No, in this town, they're the same.

No, they're. Oh, smokers cough.

The smokers laugh. You have going on. So in this town, when they say they're having a fair, it's a parade, actually, and it just ends in a parking lot. That's the fair part. Oh, and I noticed that every parade that builds to a fair, they throw out candy into the audience, and it's always hard candy.

Yeah.

Why doesn't someone throw marshmallows?

It's a liability issue. Right?

Right.

Yeah.

Oh, it's killing me.

Or juju fruits.

But my point is, I would ride an ant because everyone in the audience.

Was looking, wait, now you're riding an ant?

Oh, did I say I was? Oh, did I say I. Whipping it from behind?

Yeah.

No, I would actually jump on top of the ride.

Taming it.

Saddle. Because what I think is everyone's saying, oh, my God, that's a huge ant. I've never seen one at this fair. And then they say, who's the guy at the mustache and the unitard? That guy's awesome.

Yeah.

And I think I get more attention that way.

Yeah. This is why your books do so well. It's that vivid imagination.

All right, let's kick it off here.

Welcome, everybody, to the Profit first podcast.

Oh, the Scott Gerber one. Oh, yes. I can tell you people love my grunting. All right, everyone, I'm jacked up today with my mustache and unitard. This is Mike Michalowicz, the author of the Profit first book. And I want to welcome you to the Profit first podcast where you're going to discover everything about, you know, profitability. I'm joined in studio with co host Kelsey Ayers.

Hey, everybody.

So many people love I say errs.

I know. It's become my new name.

Has anyone ever said that to your face like that?

Yes, Multiple times.

Yeah. So next time you run into Kelsey or talk with her, just call her Kelsey Ayres. She really likes that. And let's talk about you. Why are we here today? Because we are going to talk about profitability. There's so many different aspects of profitability. Aspects of profitability. We need to drive the bottom line in your business. And for too long, so many businesses are focusing on the top line alone and not considering the consequence of the bottom line. That's why the show came about. And just a little bit more about me before we get started, just a full. Before we kick things off. I'm also the author of a brand new book called Clockwork how to Run youn Business Efficiently. That affects the bottom line. Another book called the Pumpkin Plan. I got multiples out there. You can go on Amazon, but I encourage you. If you don't have. If you don't Clockwork now, go today to Amazon or your favorite book purchasing site. And pick up your copy. That's it. I'm gonna throw it to you, everybody.

You can find us on itunes, Stitcher, Tunein, radio, Google Play, profitfirstpodcast.com or any podcast or anywhere.

Okay, I do have an icebreaker for you. I didn't wanna say. Cause you said, mike, do you have an icebreaker? And the problem is if I say I have an icebreaker, Kelsey, you're like, oh. And you start thinking about it. It needs to be much more impromptu.

It builds up the anticipation if I know you have one, but I don't know what it is.

Okay, well, here it is. Here it is. Because we've talked about this stuff before. What's the most awkward gait that a person can have? You know what a gate is?

You've asked me this so many times at this point, and it is the most bizarre question because I think it's.

The funniest thing, because most gates. And just in case anyone doesn't know what a gate is, that's the way stylistically that we walk, right? I think it's indiscernible for most people. It just blends in. But every so often, you'll be walking through a mall or you'll be watching the fair March5, you'll be watching a parade or something. And all of a sudden it's so noticeable. And to me, you know, it's lunge walkers.

Yeah.

The people that take awkwardly long steps that causes their entire torso to dip down and dip back up. What do you think's the most awkward gate?

I think the like turned out shuffle.

Where their feet are turned out like a penguin wall.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Really short, fast steps.

I was hit today. I'm not even gonna say his name. I was with someone today for two hours, right? He had a wide. You know who I'm talking about? He had a wide arm walk.

Have you been holding this in and like, so eager to talk.

Every time I got swatted. Swat.

I do that too.

Because this person and I were walking together for two hours today, right? So I do these meetings where I walk with people. This person, I were walking for two hours. And at times the pathway we walk because sometimes sidewalks, sometimes through trails. I like to go hiking. And actually, any listeners that's interested in going on a hike with Mike, I'm offering a free get together. The first person listen to this podcast that emails Kelsey. Kelseykemccallis.com you got to get yourself here to New Jersey. But we'll do a hike with Mike. We spend two Hours talking about your business as we go for a walk.

You can do a bike too.

Or your bike with Mike.

Anything that rhymes.

Yeah, like what else? Trike.

Trike?

Yeah, tricycle. I don't know. Think pike. Like we could walk down a turnpike or something. Get hit by cars.

Pike jumps together.

Yeah, there you go. So this person had a wide.

His.

His or hers left arm was a swinging arm. And I got swatted a few times. And sometimes, you know, in the lower area, like my butt.

Was it an accident?

I don't know if he's caressing or an accident.

No, I do that too. I have a hard time walk, driving in a straight line. So when I'm walking next to somebody, like, I very often veer into them.

Really? Walking or driving?

Yeah, I can't drive in a straight line.

Oh, I always thought you would not be a drifting driver. You're a funny runner.

It's in very like short. Like it's not like I'm going over the line either way, but I just, I can't stay totally straight like I do.

You make those noises. You're a funny runner. I think when I force you to run, which isn't like often, but you, you like kind of hunched. You look like, I don't know what you. Like an old person run like, like you walk very much like a young person until you run.

Uh huh. It ages me a lot.

It's your aging factor.

That's why I just shouldn't do it.

You shouldn't do that because everyone's like, where are you in your early 20s? And then you start running like, are you in your early 80s, 90s?

It's funny how that happens.

All right. Hey, do we have any listener mail or shout out?

We have a shout out. This one comes from Christine McClintock.

I don't know why did I do that?

I don't either. As a salon owner and being self employed, tax season never is a happy time. I read that wrong.

I like that you read it. You want me to read it?

Yeah.

As a salon owner and being self employed during tax season, that's hard to read. Oh, is it, comma, supposed to be, comma, there. As a salon owner, being self employed, comma, tax season never is a happy time. But I'm happy to report that I've paid all my taxes in less than a month because of Papa First.

Yeah. And I like this last part. I'm a happier person now because I control my money. My business does not.

Beautiful, Christine. Congratulations. And by the way, don't forget the comments because that'll screw us up. All right, let's thank our core partners. Make the show reality. Before we get into our guest, I do want to thank Right Networks. Do I still supposed to be doing the reads?

Do you know you don't have to do that for that.

I don't have to do this three days anymore. Okay.

Well, I want to thank you for thinking of them.

Yeah. So I'm going to do a read now anyway, just a little partial one because I feel it's kind of awkward. Right Networks. Right Networks gets you in the cloud. So if you've any legacy applications, they'll get in the cloud for you immediately. Here's all you have to do. Give them a call at 888-210-0237. Mention profit first. Oh, this may not even be valid anymore. Try it. Yeah, mention profit first.

Can't hurt.

Try to get 10% off and raise hell if they don't do that for you. But it has expired, quite frankly, because it's for past the read phase, so.

Yeah, but honestly, I mean, podcasts are evergreen, so that's true. They could listen to them at any time.

Exactly. Also, I want to thank Nextiva. I have a call with Yaniv. He's. He's got some stuff going on. It's exciting. And then.

Good.

Yeah. And then receipt bank. And then what we're gonna do is in a second we're interview Scott, but then at the end we're, we're going to recap what we learned from Scott. So hang on for that. Plus we got some listener mail questions, right?

We do.

His name is Scott Gerber. He's the CEO of the Community Company, an organization that builds and manages company driven programs for media companies and global brands. And we understand he just hired his hundredth employee. It's pretty remarkable.

Yeah.

He is the founder of YEC and Invitation Only organization comprised of the world's most successful young entrepreneurs. He's the co author of Super Connector. That's what we're gonna explore this concept today. And the author of my favorite book, which is Never get a real Job. Here's one thing you may not know about Scott. He is a husband, pet owner and father of four in New York City, but has a three bedroom.

Yeah, that's.

I don't know how you do that. Scott, welcome to our show.

Welcome, Scott.

Thanks for having me, guys.

How do you pack that many souls in a small space like that?

Well, it's funny. It really is. The true New York story. Where I left the city Originally when we were having our third child for a, you know, 5,000 square foot suburban house in New Jersey. Mike South Orange Maple.

Oh nice.

And that was about five, six years ago when we left, lived there for a year, hated every moment of it and said, wow, what way to make my life even simpler than having double the kids paying double renting instead of owning and moving every everybody back into, you know, something that's roughly 1800 square feet. Make total sense at the time.

I love it. Hey, so you make this extreme statement, you say networking is dead. We're now in the age of super connector, so let's talk about networking. Why is networking dead?

You know, I don't think anybody's ever met a networker they liked. The reality is, is that this is the bastardization of an old school principle that probably worked in version one, but with growth hacking and people doing social media marketing and targeting and conversion rate first thinking when it comes to everything in life, not just meeting someone, but meeting someone with purpose to win, all these things have destroyed the fundamental concept of what networking was about. Networking at its core was about connecting with other people and we've somehow destroyed that into creating networking events and networking methodologies and networking books and networking courses and networking technology. Instead of simply saying is this the actual point and is it working? And most importantly, is it actually worth your time? I think the reality is whatever the parlance is for your life. You know, I don't want to make this sound like a semantics argument that it's connecting, not network.

Right, right.

But, but it is a fundamental distinction of understanding that a networker, in my view, and many people that agree with me, is that of a transactional short term thinker. They are literally trying to win something for themselves at every single step of the relationship. I won't even say building, but relationship taking process versus a connector who's thinking more long term, more about building true relationships. Deep and meaningful relationships that are going to be, you know, not just days, weeks or months or at an event to try to win something, but rather lifelong and finding the kinds of people that you can have a mutual value exchange over time with no direct tit for tat type thinking. That's the differentiator. And the problem today is because we are so interconnected through social media, you know, the Facebook's, the linkedins of the world, we have begun to conflate the very idea that being a connector and being connected is the same thing. And it is fundamentally not. So I think we need to stop this because again, I challenge Anyone to tell me the last time they met someone that they knew was a networker and said to themselves afterwards, man, what a great relationship I'm going to build with that person.

Oh yeah, I agree fully. So what is the point though, of being a connector?

You know, at the end of the day, life is about relationships. I mean, Mike, you know, your entire, your book, your methodologies, you just very podcast about profit. Right? At the core of profit, there's many different definitions, right? You have financial profit, you have profit and how you look at the world in terms of your time and life value you create. I look at profit in a way of how do I create the most value? Because value can transcend any one of those categories and create exponential more value again, whether that be through a better relationship with someone, through again, a financial opportunity when the time is right. But the reality is that value creation is really the business of my idea of profit. And so I tend to think that when we look away from this network or concept and we think more about being community builders, where instead of again, trying to meet as many people as we can to try to connect business cards and, you know, try to do that, but rather becoming the center of a sphere of influence over time, getting data, talking to people about, you know, things that are actually material and matter, getting the kinds of, you know, nuggets and context that surface level dialogue, discussion and BS networking events could never do, and being able to play that connector role between all parties, you instantly become someone that is known by others, telling their friends, their connections, their people. Do you know this person? Because they're the ones that make things happen. That to me is a more powerful opportunity than trying to simply just meet and greet. Meet and greet. Meet and greet. Becoming the toll booth at the end of the day is a very valuable commodity.

So the connector is a community builder. The networker is much more transactional. Short term is how you've defined it. Okay?

Exactly.

So I'm compelled. I want to be a connector, but now I'm afraid that I'll be leveraged against my own benefit by networkers. Right. So I'm a connector. I'm trying to be of service, build a community that is the, that that's the chum in the water for the networkers of the world. Won't they take advantage of me?

Well, here's the crazy thing, Mike. I think the people assume that connectors are people that know a million people.

Right?

Right. The reality is, is that's, that's sort of the antithesis of the cor the best connectors in the world that I've met have very, very small, deep inner circles that are basically very methodical. They don't look at extending beyond inner circle all the time. Instead they rely on their inner circle to then meet people in their inner circles. Inner circles, they basically find ways to find the top tier amazing people through social capital of their core. They are not constantly looking to connect. The best advice, and I don't like to give advice because I think every business, every scenario is different. But the best sort of framework that I've seen repeated over and over again by again, people that I think are just best of breed at this are basically systems freaks. They are, they are time productivity hackers, right? They figure out how to get those 25 hours, 24 in 24 a day. And a lot of that is about saying no. A lot. Oh, I want to go out to coffee with you. Well, no, you know, I want, I would love to do this with you. Well, no, the reality is, is that they really have found ways to get be respectful about it, but really ask the right questions of people to determine can they be valuable or do they want to invest in people. It is not a wrong statement to say you don't want to invest time in a new relationship. In fact, the world would be better off in my opinion, if we sometimes went deeper versus wider all the time. That's how we end up with these social networks where you sometimes get, you know, link and Facebook poked and all this stuff by people you maybe met 15 years ago that think they're your best friend still and you're like, who is this person? Right? That's not the intent of relationship building. Deeper, meaningful, allows for a lot more value creation for everyone rather than just trying to again say, oh, I want to make a million connections a day, I want to connect a million people a day. That value creation is going to be very minimal if the person that is the toll booth between the various parties doesn't actually know what they're doing, isn't respectful of the process, or doesn't really know the parties well enough to be the person connecting that bridge in the first place.

Now, our perceived social network worth, if that's the right terminology, changes over time. So someone listening to the show, they may be a brand new entrepreneur, they're trying to get their feet off the ground. They want to get out there and meet with potential prospects or people that can introduce them to prospects, but they don't have a network yet. Other people may be further along and now people are you know, Facebook poking them and saying, hey, let's grab coffee together and trying to take away their time. How do you judge your, even if you should, your perceived social net worth? And when it's of lower value, how do you gain access? And when it's of higher value, how do you turn away people?

So, so here's the thing, right? I think that we also, just like what I said earlier, we've conflated the idea of a networker that believes connect door and connect in is the same. I also love this new idea that because social networks exist, people assume like there's a real world and a digital world differentiator between a person. Right. In this world, you should be this versus that world, you should be that or even worse.

Yeah.

I've seen people say, well, on this platform, these are the steps of how you should be a. Can be someone on this platform this. And you say to yourself, how rude. Who in their right mind says, you know, I really need to be 10 different people a day? Yeah, it's just, it's insane. And it shows you how much grip the social media ferrati, if you will, or Illuminati gotten over society in a way, right? Because they've literally changed the nomenclature, they changed the way we think about the world because you got to put your best digital foot and real foot Forward every day, 27 hours a day kind of thing. So to answer your question, I think humanity needs to be infused into everything we do because that's actually what is material and matters. I think the second you are trying to be someone you're not, the second you don't put the work in to be of service to others, you are a con. People are not going to just be like, oh, this person's a connector because he seems like a good guy. Like, people have huge radars up these days. At least the people that matter do. And especially when you're talking about things like prospecting in a sales idea, you know, these people are getting hit up every single day. Your prospects are being hit 50 different directions by 50 different needs, including their personal lives. The last thing that any prospect is looking for is a new connection, a new relationship. They're most likely looking for a new solution or a new community of vetted peers to get rid of all that bs, right? And so my what I say in sort of this mindset of how you think about, how do you build a community? So again, going back to your example, you know, John is fresh out of college, you know, says, oh my God, I don't know anybody. I need to build a community. Well, first you need to immerse yourself in other communities, Right? You need to see what's out there. So maybe you want to join some of your local professional groups. Maybe you want to join, you know, some various nonprofits. Again, because you could begin to figure out, based on your loves, passions, what you care about, where you can be of service in the way you can so that you can become meaningful to other communities. Then over time, you use that real estate to begin taking the core people from these various circles you've created to create your own inner circle. I always say the first thing I used to do when I was younger and was building my own network was if I'm in someone else's group, the first thing I'm going to do is spend a lot of time and energy seeing, learning and experiencing everything I can about the host, owner or group leader. Because that person is the super connector of that tribe, Right?

They're running it. Yeah.

And that's the key. Then as you get later on in your career and you start, you know, picking these people, then you can create your own real estate. Whether it's that private dinner you do once a month, that's invitation only to the people, you know, whether it is a private wine tasting. I mean, we can talk about how to profit from those experiences later on in a smart, non transactional way that people will be okay with. But that's the core. The relationship process cannot cheated. There is a line that I love from one of my mentors that holds true to this day. As a final point to this, you cannot cheat real time. You can cheat your time, but you can't cheat real time. And real relationships take real time. That is, there is no hack. There is no. It's just the same thing. If I went up to you at a conference, I said, mike, you're amazing. You're great. I want to work with you every day of your life. I want to be your best friend. You would look at me as I was insane. Now, what's the difference between that pattern and what most people do today?

Right? No, it's so everyone right now. That's what they're saying on Facebook. Hey, we're Facebook friends, you know? And, you know, I don't know if you had these awkward situations like where you run into someone, Scott, and you're like, oh, my God, it's so good to see you again. Or, you know, how are the kids? It's simply they've read your stats or something on Facebook. And you've no idea who this person is. It feels ultra artificial.

Yeah.

Yeah, it is. Again, I think people are looking for any in to gamify rather than putting in the work. Yeah, okay. Like, that's the reality. I think people are trying to find ways in to quote, unquote, impress people. Oh, yeah, well, you friended me on LinkedIn, so we obviously have a bond.

Yeah.

You know, I mean, like, you know, but the thing is, people are so bad at it that they don't realize how it actually makes them look worse most times. Right. Like, we talk about people in the book that have very unique ways that they look about building new relationships. Like, you know, someone who is a very thoughtful gifter, and there's someone that literally believes in this concept called planned randomness, where rather than give gifts and things like that to people that either are promotional swag or nonsensical gifts or edibles, you know, of some kind that go away, like food or whatnot, he creates meaningful gifts for families anytime during the year, except any actual holiday to open doors and say, you know, hey, look, this is something very meaningful. I'll tell you why it's meaningful, you know, and enjoy it. No, no need. I don't want anything from you. Just, I respect you. Always open to have a discussion. Just finding unique things like that, or, you know, talking about going back to the profit thesis, obviously, you know, we have a really smart connector.

So, Scott, tell me about the mindset. I've been a networker. At least that's why I've been calling myself forever. You have me compelled. I want to be a connector, but how do I shift my head?

Yeah, I mean, you might already be there. Right? Let's. Let's talk about people that are probably not most people. Again, I think you can do a simple test to know if you're honest with yourself, which sort of line, which side of the line you're on. Okay, Next time you're in a conversation professionally, and you should do this like three or four times in the back of your head. When you meet someone for the first time that you've never met, it could be through someone. It could be a random event. Whatever it is, in the first 30 seconds you speak to them, does your mind go to A or B? A, this person's interesting. I have so many other questions I want to ask. Or I should try to figure out where I might be able to help or play a role, or B, this person is of value to me or is not a value to me, therefore I need to figure out how to get what I need or get away, because this person is not of value. And in that simple test, in A or B, if you're honest with yourself, you're going to know what your point score is. You do it four times, are you 75% more likely to go one way than the other? Again, it's not statistically relevant, but it's a good gut read on the kind of person you really are. Now, I'm not trying to say people that are, you know, networker instinct are horrible people by any means. This is something that has been ingrained in us, you know, for decades. So it's, of course, going to take some rethinking and relearning. But I think that, you know, there's a couple of key things that you can do as well as giving yourself the test. Another one is literally saying to yourself, where do you meet the most meaningful people in your life that are not safe? Family or your best friends from whatever. Where are you meeting those individuals? How are you meeting those individuals? How do you convene those individuals? Is it random? Probably not. Is it through people? Well, if it's through certain people, are those your inner circle people? And so you really start to digest what is actually working to meet the amazing people. I want to surround myself with the irony. Mike, is you and I, through the world of work, so to speak, have known each other probably for almost a decade now. I think you would be shocked to know I'm an extrovert.

But.

But my partner as an example, Ryan, is a hardcore introvert. And when people say to me, well, Scott, he must be a terrible connector, he's an introvert. How does he meet people? I actually say, you know what? Introverts are better connectors than extroverts because the extrovert is the person in their minds. Most times have to go in guns blazing to every room, own the house, talk to 100 people, aren't methodical about their time and want to play host, you know, so on and so forth. Introverts. Because that idea, that very concept, makes them want to, like, you know, you know, throw up and hurl in a garbage can before they go to an event. They have to be smarter about it. This is where Susan Cain and others have been very insightful. You know, they are convening people. They are bringing people into their world and very thoughtfully researching and inviting people into that world, whether it's three people over a more intimate setting like a dinner or a coffee, whether it is something more like a Digital forum that's highly vetted and highly curated. So. So I think that there are certain things we all need to take a deep breath and a step back and realize that everything you're learning, the five tips to meet people, the 10 steps to get to this person, it's all crap. It's clickbait fodder. And the mindset truly is. How would you want to connect with other people? The same way they want to connect with you most times. The biggest trigger. And Mike, you would appreciate this being a keynote speaker all over the place as well. I love this. I have talked to many a marketer keynote after their keynotes, and I know the tactics, the tips, the tricks, all this stuff, because anybody that's been in business long enough has a pretty good sense of at least the mechanics of some of today's technologies, of, you know, how you're doing, you know, email funnels, things like that. And I will literally go to some of these guys and women after their keynotes and I'll say, hey, here's my thing, though. When you get all the emails or the hacks or the things you just talked about in your inbox, when you're the target of that effort, do you go for it? Nine times out of 10, they'll be like, no, because I know it's a tactic.

Right?

And that's the irony of the same thing we're talking about here. People are trying to hack their way into a relationship, thinking that they're either smarter or have the ego and bravado to believe they're better than the person that they're trying to pull one over on most times. Which is silly.

That's.

And very stupid.

Yeah, that's the ultimate in irony. I love that. The point you're making. I don't love the idea, but I love the point you're making. But give us some systems. I know that your book is chock full of these, but can you give us some of the ways? How do I become a super connector?

Yep. Well, I'm gonna give you. So one thing, like I said earlier in the. In the podcast, super connectors, the true ones, the ones that would never call themselves a super connector, that's the other tell. By the way, if you see on LinkedIn somebody says they're a super connector, I will guarantee you they are not a super connector. So this is like the moniker people give you, not the one you give yourself, but the thing that they are adamant about is productivity and time hacking. Like I said, going back to the sort of mantra of my mentor. Real relationships take real time. You can't cheat real time, but you can cheat your time. So you have people literally trying to figure out every single hack to cheat their time. A couple of key things that we've seen consistently, and I just want to make clear to your listeners, none of these things are meant to be the exact thing. These are all methodologies and concepts for you to take in whatever way you see fit. This is not a three steps to lose five pounds on abs kind of thing and get abs. So first and foremost, they create their own CRM. And again, we've seen things as complex as 50 page, 100 row deep Excel spreadsheets from some connectors who are literally rating everything from the kind of person they are, personality traits, scoring success in their own worldview, keyword searching, all that, all the way to something very simple like going into your iPhone, contacts, app, going into the notes section, putting five bullets after every conversation you talk to someone so you can have a natural contextual conversation the next time you see them. But either way, the idea is the same people that they super connectors that meet people that they want to either continue to build deep relationships with or get to know in a smarter way want to keep data sets on these people. I don't want to scare people like data sets in the construct of a Facebook algorithm way, but just something that cheats the human brain's natural understanding that it can't remember everything. And there's nothing wrong with like getting context that's so deep and rich about someone that is not their LinkedIn bonafides. And remembering that. An example would be, I just had a meeting a couple weeks ago with someone I hadn't seen in a year. But in my phone, in the last time I talked to them, you know, I had made a note that they were trying to sell their company. And so the natural starting off point was, hey, last time we talked, I know you were in the process selling your company. Isn't that way better than hey, man, how's the wife?

Right.

Exactly. How's the weather? Right. You're starting with like, oh, he remembered. There's nothing wrong with the fact that I looked at a phone because I was thoughtful enough to write it down. So that's one thing. Another thing is you have to become the Sherlock Holmes of discourse again. There's been all kinds of people that have written about how to ask smart questions, so I don't think we need to relitigate that. But I think the reality is, is that you have to assess Are you actually one of those people following those guidelines? I would argue most people do not. They're lazy, they don't go beyond surface level. They are not asking questions that excite the other person, actually give information or get into a real conversation. And so, you know, your job as a connector is to basically create a puzzle and solve it. What is somebody working on as an example? Where is it that they're trying to go with it? What are the pieces you can fill in or that you want to learn about to see if you can play a later role, you know, but getting them to talk about more than again the boilerplate LinkedIn bonafide. Listen to me talk about my 30 second pitch lingo, which is the reality of most people. So the context, conversation, huge third thing, say no, say no. Not every person needs to connect with every person, okay? You need to protect your time, you need to protect your inner circle. With every connection you make. With every conversation you have, you are putting your own reputation on the line. You're putting your own time on the line. The number one resource we know none of us can get back. And so you have to be meaning mindful that this finite resource, you know, if you want to go and build a deep relationship with someone, that means there's other people you will not be able to do so with. So it's again figuring out not in a way of what's beneficial to me transactionally, but what's beneficial to the larger community I serve. And sometimes that's just not taking every meeting. Again, some hacks to that. We have people that do like meeting new people, but they create structure and foundation around it. Whether it's creating a Facebook forum and connecting people that they have sort of tertiary or beyond type relationships with that are not very close. But they can over time monitor to see who's most exciting or interesting to them. Or instead of having one on one coffees, we have people that basically vet through emails. You know the kinds of people who ask them for coffee. They'll say no to a bunch, yes to a few, but when they say yes, it's like, hey listen, I can't do one on one, but once a month I do a coffee with 10 people at this place. You're welcome to join the conversation. So once again now they've become a sphere of influence. Basically created an event around a coffee meeting and they get to hear all the conversations going on at the table to know who they want to invest in afterwards. So these are just some ideas to give you how people think in the connector class, you know, mutual value, exchange, value of community, ensuring they're going deep, not wide. Building systems to remember, building trigger events and remembering trigger words that over time are going to help them to provide value to others. And when the time comes and we can get into this, as a closing thing, Mike, asking smart asks and getting smart referrals, you're good. That's really where they shine.

That was me, my exact closing question. So let me just paraphrase it or rephrase it. The way I want to ask is the core intention is not to extract value from these. I shouldn't say values. The core intention is not to invoke a transaction with your connectors. But that moment may happen that you have a need that your community can serve. But then it becomes that awkward moment when it's like, hey, can you do me a favor and promote my book? Or whatever it is? That's what I do.

So.

So I want to become comfortable doing this, but I don't want to offend them or damage the relationships. How do I ask?

Yeah, here's the thing, Mike. If you've actually gone about building a relationship with great people, they're not offended. They're happy to help. And that's the difference. I think most people, again, when they make that ask, are cringing a little bit because they, in their deep gut know they don't really have a relationship with that person. They have an arm's length, you know, I know that person, maybe, or social media connection, so on and so forth. And that's the thing, right? Like, your best friends want to see you succeed, your closest colleagues want to see you succeed. Like you, like they want to see you succeed, and you want to see them succeed. So the reality is, is that there are smart ways to make asks. Number one, don't waste other people's time. The same way you don't want your time wasted if you don't know what your ask is. Ask people to help you with your ask, because the people that are in your inner circle might be able to help you craft the right ask to the right person more times than I see people who are really, really crappy connectors or really bad askers, saying something like, let's say I'm a startup business, I want to raise capital, right? Most generic ask in the world. So you go to your friends, say, hey, you know any investors? Well, what the hell does that mean? Yeah, are you looking for series A and B? Are you looking for a loan? What stage is your business at? Versus? Hey, listen, my Company is a cash flow positive business. I need a bridge because of this particular thing I'm trying to buy. Do you know anyone that specifically invests in these kinds of bridge loans? That's an right, so it's about again, context. The same way you're extracting context from others to build relationships. You also need to provide context when you're making your asks to people or allow them to help you figure out the ask so that either they can be of assistance or they can at least help you get a better sense of how you can make that more valuable. So when you do make an ask of someone else, they will actually be more able to assist you. Beyond surface level banter, that's number one. Referrals are really the biggest. I think that going back to somebody in the book named Derek Coburn and I think it's a great story to leave it on. Derek's a fantastic guy. He had a genius, genius process for how he created what ultimately are referral events. Though he would never call it that because it's not, that was not the intention. But if you know anything about financial services industry, you know that referral rates are not that high for average performers. In fact, most people are horrible at getting referral because it looks like a vanilla of a vanilla of a vanilla product or offering. And so he needed to differentiate himself. And if you look at his success, he was getting double digit referral percentages. Industry leader in the financial services industry. Nobody knew how he did it and he did it with a very simple process. He created an event that was not a financial services event. It wasn't a webinar about your portfolio. It was the idea that as a wealth manager, he knew his clientele probably loved, let's say high end wine. And so he would make an exclusive invitation only event that would invite his clients as a client appreciation event and allow them to only bring one person with them to the event. However, there was a rule. Whoever you bring to the event must be a connoisseur and love the wines. This is not a sort of taste, the, you know, type thing. This is not, this is not a lowbrow event. And so of course he naturally created a fun funnel of people that are very much likely to be potential clients. Because again, at 10, $20,000 a bottle of wine, you're not gonna, you know, have people that don't have a very select pal, which means they have discretionary income, which means they're a high probability being successful and a core prospect for him.

Scott it's amazing stuff we gotta rock and roll. But before I let you go, tell us about Super Connector, your book.

Yep. It's called Super Connectors Stop networking and start building business relationships that matter. Available everywhere books are sold. It's really awes co founder and I who are diametrically opposed in some ways and different in some ways and in other ways. Obviously very unique. Wrote it together so you get the extrovert, the introvert perspective of everything. It's a great mindset, great read because I think it's 10 years worth of learnings. Amazing Super Connectors profiled in it. And you can learn how to start thinking, being and acting like a true connector and start, you know, to stop networking, frankly. So go check it out. Super Connector book.com or anywhere books are sold old.

We'll have that all in the show links. Scott, this was a phenomenal interview. Thank you for sharing all these insights.

Thank you, Scott.

My pleasure.

All right, here's we got to get do my friends punch me. Here's what we gotta do. We're recap what we learned. We gotta thank our corporate partners. We gotta do all in less than like five minutes.

Yeah.

So Kels.

Yeah.

First I wanna thank our corporate partners. So write networks. They put you on the cloud. So any of those legacy applications you have you can put on the cloud instantly. If you have like QuickBooks Desktop and you love it, you can still keep it. That's the miracle thing. You don't need to cut over to qbo. You can use right networks. Nextiva, they have exciting stuff going on. They released Next os. It's a voice over IP phone system. But now it connects into their own custom CRM, all integrated. So when you're talking with people, all their deets come up on the phone or on the screen right away. Tons of flexibility. And also monitors their social media profile presence. So you can do some of the stuff that Scott was talking about. You can curate what's going on so you can keep that dialogue chain continuous. And then receipt bank gives you the power to scan in all those receipts. I had four receipts when I was traveling in New York just yesterday. You know, in that overnight I gotta tell you about that hotel. Oh my gosh. And receipt bank just ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Scanned it all in, synced up, all done. You didn't even have to see the receipts, right?

Yeah. No.

Check out our corporate partners. Okay.

Yeah.

All right, well, why don't we tell me what you learned from Scott.

I feel a little almost overwhelmed. I super loved this and I feel like I Feel like when I first started. I know. I feel like when I first started working for you, I had this kind of idea of business and as I guess in general, as a way to serve a community with a gift that you have to offer. Right. Like, it is a way to make the world a better place through your own voice. And I feel like I've been disconcerted.

Stay on that mic there. You keep on.

Sure. I feel like I've been disconcerted because there's this shadow side of egocentricity and also this Persona building, this duplicity in a lot of ways.

Like.

And I love that Scott has a voice and he's saying the things that he's saying. Like, I just super loved that. It is really about community building. It is really about how can you serve the people around you. And I always, like, I view everything in this lens of what is the better for the whole. Like, not necessarily what is better for me, not even necessarily what's better for you, but what is better for the world.

Yeah.

And, like, you know, how am I making a positive impact? And I feel like, especially as sort of your time gatekeeper, I'll see these people or hear these people who want things from you, and it's not serving anything but themselves and not even themselves in their mission. Like themselves as an ego. Like themselves as you know, I do. I just. I really loved this.

I really loved it.

I.

And I think what Scott shared also allowed people to be true to themselves. You know, the word that's bastardized is authenticity. He gave a new word. He said humanity. He says, just be human. And I think that's way better than authentic.

I agree.

I also feel that you can still be your true personality. Like, intrinsically, I'm goofy. I really care about my community, but this is who I am, and this is just how I deal with life and whatever. Scott has a different personality, and you have a different personality. And what he empowered me to do or feel is just. It's okay. Be me. Just be me. I also like the concept of real time. Like, there ain't no hacked for this, baby. That was. I didn't mean. I wasn't calling you baby. That was our listener. I was, like, staring you in the eyes, calling you baby. I'm like, God, that was horrible. Okay, so we want to know what you learned, too. Post in our comments on the website.

And so forth, and leave us a rating.

Leave us a rating. And don't forget the hike with Mike.

Yeah. Or bike. Or trike.

Or trike. Or pike. Yeah. You can get a little bit. You know, Any of those is available for the first person, though, so we'll be authentic on our side. Ue, my, Kelsey, if. If you miss missed it, someone else is doing it. Your job, though, is to get here to New Jersey. Then you and I are going for two hours and we're talking. You're about your business or just hanging out or making jokes or whatever.

Just be careful where your arms swing.

Oh, my God. Don't touch my ass. Okay. Oh, the last thing. Listener mail. We got one minute.

Oh, yeah. Okay, this one comes from. This is short. Josh. Josh Boson. I have a question about the tax allocation. Do I include payroll taxes in this box?

No. So that's the tax. I scared you. No, no. That tax account is simply for the income tax of the owner. Your tax liabilities, payroll taxes, just make that expense. So you put that in the opex, or if you set up a special payroll account, an additional account. You can put it in there. All right. We got a rock and roll, I think. Are we good to rock and roll?

Yeah.

Okay, then. Let's get the music cranking. You can, as Kelsey said, leave us comments on itunes, stitcher, and wherever you listen to your podcast or make sure you subscribe, share it with your friends. Friends if you feel they'll benefit from the show and, you know, participate, Reach out to us, email us. We're lonely. We're super lonely. All right. We're good, right? Yeah. Out of here.

We should hire unitard.

Yeah, Send a picture of us of yourself in a unitard. That will be our hike with Mike in the unitard zone.

Oh, my God, is that gross?

In the winter, though.

Oh, in the winter.