Wendie Pett and Todd Isberner Bonus Interview

Now imagine for yourself having the ultimate power couple experience. I'm talking about your marriage, your business, maybe even combining those with your spouse. But have a deep, intimate relationship, a romantic relationship, and have completely aligned values that are moving at similar velocities. In other words, you're both completely committed to each other's perfect growth. Well, today I have the great opportunity of interviewing a power couple, Todd and Wendy, who are going to share their secrets of combining business, pleasure, marriage growth in a way that is completely organic, absolutely authentic. And they're going to share some of their secrets that you're going to be able to use and replicate in your life as well. So, so nice to be here with you today.

Thank you for having us.

It's really great to be here with you.

All right, so first of all, for anyone who's just meeting you, how long have you been married and what's your secret?

Do you want me to answer that or do you know the years?

Oh, I. I know what you're going to say, so go ahead and say it.

Exactly.

So we've been married for four.

Yes, exactly six years. Well, okay, almost seven, but that's good. And we dated for five and a half before, so we've been together quite some time and. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's been a fun journey.

Yeah. And I think the secret sauce that has made this to be a good marriage as a, quote, power couple is the power of love and respect in our marriage. I really love this woman because I respect her. And I think the same is true for you.

Absolutely. And honestly.

We give each other a lot of grace and a lot of patience and we laugh a lot.

I thought you were gonna say grief at first. So grace, that's much n. Yeah, sometimes.

There'S a little grief in the grace. No, but there's a lot of laughter because we're just, I don't know, we're goofy people and we have a lot of hang ups. We're human. Right. But we love each other through our hang ups, and that's where it makes it stronger together. Where I'm weak, you're strong, and vice versa.

Totally true.

Yep. Well, I think what I've had the pleasure of in doing this interview with you, getting to research you, get to know you, and interview you for Entrepreneur magazine about your respective coaching businesses, you guys really walk the walk. Todd, you've got an amazing career and a background. And if you haven't seen the interview yet with Todd, definitely check that out and you really hear his background and what he's done.

From the perspective of both a man and a husband, some of the challenges he's experienced, but also what he's built. And then for you, Wendy, you've been doing what you've been doing for over 20 years, and. And you've had a huge major reinvention for yourself recently and expanded dramatically. And all that's coalesced into this opportunity where you're really partnering up and working together and coaching couples directly. So with that, I'm going to ask you a couple of questions, and the first one that I have is I'm going to ask you, Todd, what's the biggest breakthrough that you've seen Wendy go through since you've been together? And I want Wendy to give us the backstory on that.

Yeah, Well, I think a big breakthrough for her was finally getting to the decision of saying yes to.

Yeah, right, right. We dated five and a half years. Not by my choice, but we did get there.

So it was actually, that was a mutual breakthrough.

As I've known WENDY for over 10 years now, I have really enjoyed watching her evolve into the Wendy she is today. And I'm anxious to see the Wendy she's going to be tomorrow. What I mean when I say that is, I mean, just look at her. I mean, look at my wife. She's beautiful and comes off as a perfect creature, but I'm not. And yet he knows her imperfections so well that at times it's really gotten in her way. She's had. What do you call it, the deception of perfection. And I've watched Wendy really wrestle that baby down to the ground. And she is evolving into a person who's truly free, becoming more and more comfortable with who she is, and it's okay to not be perfect. And it's a big breakthrough, and it's got a rippling effect because now I don't have as much pressure.

Oh, that's cute. That's cute. You know, it's. Yeah, it's interesting because I notice. Can I answer the same question on the flip side?

Yeah, totally. And again, that's. I want to know how your back. Yeah, tell us the backstory.

Yeah. So about which part? The perfection part or.

Yeah, the transformation. That's what I'm looking at.

No, really, it's really been a journey because no one has put that on me about being perfect. It's just something I decided to take on myself. And I'm a hype high performer, and I expect. I like excellence. There's nothing wrong with that, but understanding that we're human and Excellence isn't always reality is one that I've kind of broken through myself. So that's. And you've helped me. You've helped me get real.

Yeah, we're going to keep it that way.

You're on get real. Yeah.

Right.

So anyway, no, that's good. And so let's talk a little bit about the fact that you both have successful coaching practices and then you decided, hey, going to work together. And it really, from what I gathered early on, is it already happened. People come to you for advice all the time, but you formalized it. So how did this come about and why? The decision to work together and coach couples.

Yeah, really, it's organic how it's happened. I've coached women for years and you've mentored men. And really it's coming together as a couple. Because when you come together as a couple, there really is power with, with two that are doing this similar, you know, program together or going through life together, you can get more done and more accomplished together. And so the women that I work with and the men that you work with, when the other, when the spouse is on board, man, they are just, they rise up to the occasion. They have that accountability and that love and that cherish feeling and the honor within the marriage, and it makes them more intimate together.

And I think Wendy and I are really invested in each other's success.

Yeah.

So as I've watched Wendy with her clients over the years, I become more and more appreciative of just what a big heart she has, what level of commitment she has and what she's dealing with in the lives of women and men. And of course, I've been working with men. And obviously Wendy has been invested in watching what happens when I work with my clients and the transformation that begins to take place. Well, the truth is, most of our clients are married couples. It's just that Wendy's worked with a group individually on her own, and I've worked with a group individually on my own. So we're combining forces because that's where the real strength is.

Yeah. And then also when they're working together, it seems like the, the breakthroughs happen.

Quicker, honestly, because they had the support of one another.

So, yeah, I, I also have a hard driving, successful wife who for us, I think what I've observed and what I really appreciate about what you do is maintaining velocity, growth velocity and interest velocity in each other, your success. And for you to get in between that and make sure you're holding both couples accountable for their own growth together. And individually and creating that alignment, I think that's really important that you've integrated that into your work. That leads me to my next question, which is.

Really, what are the biggest reasons couples fall out of love or lose their connection in the first place? And when you're working with them, what do you do to realign and reconnect them?

Honestly, I think from my perspective, I think it starts with a perception of what this marriage is supposed to be. And typically, couples have the perception that, well, I married you because I'm expecting you to complete me. If both couples come into it with that same perspective, you've got some real problems. Because now I'm always looking at you to meet my needs. You're always looking at me to meet my needs. So who's going to be first? And the number one thing that couples deal with is trying to reposition themselves so that they're not the main focus, they're not the center of attention, and they're not demanding that my spouse give me what I need and what I want.

Yeah. So they need to work on themselves first, and then they show up in the relationship differently. So, yeah, they have greater respect and honor for one another.

Love that. And you two have been together again. You work together. You work around each other. So what are your essential daily routines, practices, and rituals that you do both individually and together?

Well, on what day of the week are you talking about, Mike? Because those will change.

Well, Todd should have invested in Starbucks because he goes to Starbucks every day.

Oh, good. Such a big part of the routine. But not until Wendy and I have spent time together. So we wake up in the morning and do our quick little own thing. And then we. We get together, literally in our sunroom when we're. When we're not out traveling. And we love to spend time.

Yeah.

In devotions, read our Bibles, we pray together, we discuss where we're at in life, where we want to go, and then we get on with it.

Yeah, we do. And we have our routine. I mean, we bounce, we stretch, we do our workouts. I mean, we have our thing that we do, but we. We do them separately because our thing is a little different, but yet similar.

Yeah, but we respect what the other person is doing, and it also helps keep accountable and continue to maintain the disciplines that are needed to develop these routines. One of the things that we love to do is we love to hike, and we love to take adventures and try new things together, whether it's that rope ladder climbing course we went through or climbing mountains in Yosemite and challenging ourselves to ridiculous points. We're both very competitive, but that's a big part of our marriage, is to stay adventurous and active. And, man, we. We're just waiting for the next adventure.

And to keep things light, you know, I mean, it's important to keep things fun and just light.

Oh, man. If there's. Life's too serious, if there's some tension brewing. Oh, man. Both of us have the capacity of absolutely taking the other one out, but we don't do that.

We bring in a pattern interrupter. That's silly and Absolutely. Yeah.

And before we know it, the very thing that created the tension is the very thing we're laughing about. We're making fun of it as we make fun of those.

Yeah. It's healthy. Or we think it is.

Good job.

Good job.

Yeah. And I've watched your. How you two interact and support each other and also chip away at each other. It's fun to watch.

So much fun.

Yeah. So now both of you have had starter marriages. So you're here and you've gone through. Both of you've got amazing stories again. I want to recommend everyone watch your entrepreneur article interviews because there's a lot of depth to your background there. But looking at where you are in your lives, what's one piece of advice that you'd give your younger self that you.

Really can provide and share with people who are going through your programs and people that you've helped along the way?

Well, I know mine. It'd be give yourself some more grace. It's that deception, perfection thing. So I'm constantly working on that. Just giving myself a little more grace today. Yeah.

I have totally not even noticed that I'm giving you a hard time.

You are definitely. You are so focused on perfection and delivery and giving, giving, giving, and, yeah, you are definitely your own critic. You're right.

So, Grace.

Yeah. I think that control becomes a big issue in a marriage, and I just want to encourage people.

Don't be a control freak.

No, no, no. Well, hang on a second. Don't stop controlling yourself. That's the big shift. I mean, stop trying to control the other person. You're never going to get what you truly want as long as you pose yourself as the expert who's in charge. And I'm going to make your life conform to mine. So. But do keep controlling yourself to prevent yourself from falling into that very dangerous trap of becoming a control freak and making certain your spouse started to lose respect because they don't have the freedom anymore.

Yeah. That's good. That's really good.

Well, thank you. Yeah, I learned that somewhere along the way.

Well, here's my next one, then. So let's just say someone watches this video and they follow up and follow through. So just full disclosure. You've got your book. What every man needs to know that you're going to get for free. That's one of the gifts that Todd has for you. Wendy has a program she's going to give you for free, which is your biggest breakthrough. Your biggest breakthrough starter kit.

Yeah.

Biggest starter kit. That's right. And the place to go to get.

That is your biggest breakthrough. Dot com. And just click on the couple's little tab there, and we'll have a conversation and we'll dive in deeper.

Okay.

Which brings me to the question I wanted to ask, which is, let's just say someone says, yep, I love who you guys are. Love the materials, love the interviews I've seen so far, and they decide to start working with you today. What is that experience? Like, what do you provide? What can they expect? And how long does it take to start experiencing some breakthroughs? And what kind of commitment does it take for each party to work together?

Yeah, well, it's really individualized, depending on the need of the marriage, depending on the brokenness. Right. Individually and collectively. So.

So should we. I'll give you a free example. Let's just say, for example, it's a couple that have been together anywhere from 5 to 25 years, maybe longer. The intimacy is gone, the passion's gone. They definitely feel out of alignment, and they're not sure where the other one stands. They're still committed to each other, but they want that fire back. They want that commitment. They want to play together and have that openness and be able to have conversations that they've wanted to share but are in a trap of not feeling free because they might activate some old wounds, and they're just in a. In a minefield avoidance mode. Right. See so often. But also to get to a point where they'd really feel comfortable being aligned, doing, like, what you're doing, where they can work together, play together, and feel like best friends again.

I think sometimes for the guy, he kind of feels like it's hopeless. I've been in this so long, I'm in a miserable place, and I just don't know how to do it anymore. And what he's really saying is, I don't think I have it in me. I don't have enough. I don't have what it takes And I want to tell you right now, that is the biggest lie you can tell yourself. If you didn't have what it takes, you would have never got her in the first place. So I would want with him to journey backwards to the very beginning to figure out, well, what was it exactly that I was doing differently to attract this beautiful woman that I fell in love with. There is no way you cannot go back and recreate who you were and rekindle it and reignite that passion. But you're going to have to do some homework with yourself first. Don't expect that if she would do this, this and this, well, then I'd be happy and I would love her. No, you've got to do fill in the blank. We're going to take an inventory of what went south on you and we're going to go back and we're going to fix that and recreate and redevelop. And I promise you, it will reignite your marriage.

Yeah. So something like that could be a three to a six month process, but you will see results really instantaneously once you start taking the steps that we provide and the actions that, that go in alignment with things that have been proven that we've worked with couples in the past, so you'll see results really quickly.

Sometimes, Mike, I think couples who are in that place feel, oh, it's going to take months and years of counseling to unravel this whole thing. Not true. There's some real simple techniques that can be employed almost instantly that can bring about very quick changes. And those are the kinds of things that Wendy and I love to share. Great.

I'm going to give you one more scenario, which is, let's just imagine that there's a couple and either the husband or wife has fallen out of shape, might be drinking too much, and one spouse or the other is ready to leave. And let's say the man, for example, is attached to his financial success, but again, he's let himself go, he's angry, and the kids don't like him anymore. The wife doesn't like him, she's ready to leave, but they're sticking together for whatever the reason is, but just getting one unstuck. I'll give you the second scenario. I'll give you the or, which is one is growing. Let's say one got recommitted to their body and growing, but they're at different velocities. Again, it's sort of like they're out of alignment. Energetically, spiritually, physically. Give me that scenario.

Well, and you know, honestly, that person has to have the want to, to change. You can't force it upon anybody. But even just the seven with your biggest breakthrough can be a life changing situation. So that's just seven weeks. I mean, I've seen some quick breakthroughs even within a week of those seven weeks. So depending on how dedicated you are and how committed, depends on how quickly you can go through the process. But it's individualized for sure.

Okay. Yeah. Todd. Yeah. I'm thinking that nine times out of ten it's a self pity problem. And I don't mean to marginalize the pain that anybody's going through, but a lot of times if I'm just focusing on how much I hur, how disappointed I am, how my expectations aren't being met, then it will become self fulfilling prophecy. I've got to completely flip that around and I've got to start to begin to ask who do I need to be so that he or she can become their best. When I shift the focus from me to that other person, instantly things begin to change. I'm not saying it's necessarily easy, but it does start with a decision, a commitment. And then you've got to continue to answer the reason. Why do I want this to change? Well, I'll tell you why. Because you want what you had in the very beginning. That's why you're married. Let's get it back.

Yeah. And I mean, we're not the perfect couple. Although we call each other the perfect couple, tongue in cheek. But we're still growing in that we have our own moments. Right? But it's healthy when you can call one another out and just say, honey, wait a minute. And you're like, ah, okay, but that's healthy talk, that's healthy conversation. So we give you the tools and the how tos actually to have those intimate yet healthy conversations.

She is so right. And I mean.

You truly are right about this one.

You are right.

Because.

I have got enough male ego that I don't like to be wrong. Okay? So when Wendy points something out to me because I love her and because she's so trustworthy and I know she has my best interest in mind, she can slap me upside of the head. And at first it'll not literally. Not literally. Sometimes I think you'd like to, but. But it'll get my attention and it'll slow me down and make me think, wait a minute, she wouldn't say that if it weren't true. And then I can really begin to reevaluate so, honestly, I love that part about our marriage where we can bust each other in a healthy way because we trust each other.

That's very true.

Bust each other because you trust each other.

Hey, nice job. Nice job with that. Okay, well, so I'm gonna just set the scenario out, which is for you right now, and I'll give you a chance to comment on this. So Todd and Wendy, remarkable people. If you ever get a chance to work with them, definitely take them up on that. And what they just shared with you is a way to get Todd's book, what Every Man Needs to Know. Also a starter kit from Wendy, which is your biggest breakthrough. And you can visit YourBiggestBreakthrough.com, click on the couples button, fill out a little application, and someone on Todd or Wendy's team is gonna follow up with you to schedule a conversation. You'll be able to talk to them and make sure that this is a right fit for you and your spouse. And if you need to maybe get your spouse enrolled in this conversation, remember, sometimes one or the other wants it and needs it more than the other one, but they're going to actually help you through that decision making and the process of getting the other spouse, your partner, on board, whether it's a husband, whether it's a wife, no matter what the circumstance of the situation. So with that, is there anything else that you'd like to share with everyone who's watching this right now?

Truth is, everybody wants a breakthrough. Everybody wants a really great marriage. Everybody wants to make certain that they can love and be loved in return in a safe place where they are in harmony with each other and with one another's best interest in mind. And I just. I want to encourage you because I know sometimes you think there's just no way. You don't know my story. Look, everybody's got a story, but it can be overcome. Breakthroughs are possible. You might just need some guidance to get there.

Well, ditto on that one. That was really good. That's what I would say.

Good job.

All right, well, I think the next step is pretty obvious on what to take. It's at your biggest breakthrough dot com.

That's right.

Maybe today could be the very first day of the rest of your life. The beginning of your biggest breakthrough.

I hope so. Yeah. Thanks for having us.

You got. It's my pleasure.

Thanks.

Ra.