Stop caring what other people think

You know the age old idiom comparison is the thief of joy. But how often are you letting your joy actually be stolen by this sneaky thief? In fact, you might wonder how often the success, love, money and everything else you want is right in front of you and accessible to you, but energetically mismatched to you because of old habits of comparing yourself to others. If you can relate, this episode will highlight ways that you can catch comparison before it spins out of control and how to begin shifting that feeling of not being a enough to knowing that you are deeply loved and supported and that everything is working out for you. You're listening to the Universe has yous Business. It's the podcast for rising entrepreneurs, coaches, consultants and change makers who are here to achieve more while letting the universe do the heavy lifting. And I'm your host, Andrew Donovan. Alright, I know that every person listening to this knows that age old idiom comparison is the thief of joy. But. But if we all know it, why do we still do it? So it appears that knowing that comparison is not a useful thing to do is not quite enough to get us to stop this old habit of comparing this episode was inspired by a recent interaction I had. We had a little house party, a little group of friends over at our home, and one friend sent a message saying I'm sorry I was being so weird and I just know that I'm not enough for this group of friends to ever accept me. And there was more detail than that. But I heard this message and I thought, I know that that's not true at all because I know this friend is an incredible person and just has this lifelong habit of comparing themselves to other people. And it got me thinking. How many times have I caught myself comparing myself to other entrepreneurs and other marketers and other people who are coaches and people who make digital courses and people who have made millions and millions of dollars more than me or have hundreds of thousands more followers than I do or whatever. And I thought this is a worthy conversation topic for a podcast episode. Because when you get into that habit of comparing yourself to other people, you lose touch of who you really are. Your focus is no longer on your mission and your core values and that deep inner knowing that you're here to do something purposeful and something meaningful and something that will impact other people in important ways. You take your focus off all of that stuff that actually matters and you put it on something that is most of the time just really haphazard, only semi accurate information. So in this episode we're gonna be talking about ways that you can recognize when you're comparing yourself to others. Because I bet there are more moments than you realize you're doing it. And I'm gonna teach you some just cool, quick, little easy techniques to know when you're doing it so that you can stop it before it drums up all this negative momentum and you start to spiral out of control. And by out of control, I mean you lose your inspiration, you lose your motivation, you lose your excitement for whatever you're doing in your business and in your life. So there's another podcast by James Wedmore, and I heard this quote on his podcast. He said that the big difference maker for him was in business as an entrepreneur was the moment he stopped caring what other people think about him. And I'm going to be really honest with you, this is something that I've learned to do so much better now than I have in the past. And it's totally something that I still am working on because, geez, it's just so tempting, isn't it, to be looking on Instagram or to be at a networking event or a business conference and to be seeing other successful people and then to juxtapose your perception of yourself against how you see them. And so you see this girl with all these millions of followers and you think about your little email list that only has 500 people on it or whatever the comparison might be. And sometimes I think that we don't call it comparison. We say, well, I'm just being realistic, she has millions of followers and I only have 500 followers on my email list. And, and so we think that because it's real, we should still do it. That's just, I mean, dumb logic, right? Because it's just self defeating, period. I mean, when was the last time a comparison really served you? Now there are of course ways to be able to observe information, but comparison typically has a negative connotation. And that's really what we're talking about here. There are totally ways to be able to observe what other people are doing in their businesses, to analyze strategies that are working, to even admire people who are doing things that you want to aspire toward. And that's all great, but the comparison pandemic, you could call it, is really where your perception of yourself is. I am not enough. So your internal dialogue is really the only thing that ever needs to be tweaked when you're comparing yourself to other people and you think, oh, they don't accept me, or they're leaving negative feedback about me, or they're farther down the road than I am. I'm just behind. I mean, really, what you're telling yourself at the end of the day is that independent of whatever conditions, whatever people you're comparing yourself against, the message you're sending yourself is, I am not enough. How is anybody supposed to succeed when that's the message you're telling yourself as you compare yourself to the world around you? I mean, it's ridiculous because you know that you fundamentally are enough. But when you do the act of unjustly and inaccurately comparing yourself to other people, you. You tell yourself on many levels that you're not enough. And that's why it feels so shitty. It feels shitty because it's not true. But for some reason, we never really take the time to stop reinforcing this message and to start filling our head with dialogue that enforces a useful, accurate message. So how do you detect those moments of comparison? Because I'll tell you, I've had moments where I've been, I'm surrounded by just incredible people, other entrepreneurs, other coaches, people who are doing just somersaults in the Internet business world. And I've had moments where I admire what I'm observing and I am inspired by people. And that's amazing. I love those moments where you're scribbling down notes, you're asking people how they did this and that, and you're thinking, oh, my gosh, that's so cool. Thank you for sharing with me. And those moments are. Are empowering moments. Why? Because if you see someone else's success and it triggers the belief within you that you are on your way, if you can see yourself moving in the direction of your desires and you see their success as evidence of what's possible, that's great. That's a wonderful place to be. But if you feel that sinking in your chest, that sinking in your stomach, that constriction in your chest, if you feel your mojo diminishing and you feel the smile, the corners of your mouth start to fall just a little bit lower and lower and lower because your mind is thinking, wow, look at how far I have to go. I am so far behind. That is the kind of comparison that we want to redirect as quickly as possible. And the fastest way to detect it is your emotions. So if you find yourself feeling just uplifted and invigorated and curious and interested in what someone's saying, then keep going down that route. Stay in that conversation. Keep observing whatever you're observing, but do not deceive yourself. My Friend, because it's really easy to say, oh, I'm really interested in observing these people or this thing that I'm being taught or this condition that I'm observing that because I know that I need to learn something. But if your emotion is a lesser energy, if it's one of discouragement, disappointment, irritation, frustration, or even shame or self judgment, the emotion is the true indicator. And you can tell yourself all day long that you're just trying to learn from people. But if you feel awful as you're learning from people, you're not doing yourself any service. I promise you this. And that's a level of self deception that I've really had to work through over the years. Years I have gone to so many events where my intent was to learn and I'm such a good note taker. I'm always that diligent student, just scribbling down notes as fast as possible, examining my life, my business, thinking where can I apply what I'm learning? And there were so many moments where I told myself, oh, I've really got to pay attention, I've got to learn this because I'm falling short or because I'm behind, or because I'm not hitting my goals, or because I'm not enough in my life, whatever measurable way. And right there you can detect my level of self deception in those moments because I'm telling myself one thing, but I'm feeling something completely different. And you and I both know that the energy, the vibe that you're broadcasting, that's, I mean, that's fundamentally what you manifest everything with, correct? So you can say all day long, every day, all the right words, but if the things that you're feeling is, if the vibes that you are being are of lower vibration, you're not helping yourself at all. You're just spinning up more of the same. You're just going to continue the same pattern. And so when you catch yourself in those moments of saying the right words, oh, I'm just observing her strategy, or I'm just listening to his audiobook, or I'm just studying them, or I'm just asking about what they did to get to this point in their business, because I want to learn. If you're saying all the right words but you feel crappy about yourself, get out of that situation, leave the room, go listen to a different audiobook, turn on some great music that pumps you up, go turn your attention anywhere that feels good. Because again, it doesn't matter what you're telling yourself. What matters is what you're actually feeling and what you are being. Alright, so here's another thing, a few other things about comparison. You will forever hold yourself at bay from what you want and, and from feeling good if you use the condition of what other people think about you as your justification for how you treat yourself. When we compare ourselves to other entrepreneurs or even just to other human beings in general, we're holding ourselves at bay from everything that we want because we're tuned in to the lack of what we want. That's what comparison is. Fundamentally, you're disconnected from the whole of who you really are because you, you're observing people and using those people and those conditions that you're observing as evidence that you're lacking in some way. And so you're holding yourself energetically from all the stuff that you want, all the, all the achievement, all the love, all the whatever, whatever things you're here to create as an entrepreneur and as a human being. And another thing about comparison is that most of your assumptions about what other people think about you are totally incomplete. So what, we can look at other people and we can think, oh, they think this and that about me. And they're in this amazing place, they have the perfect relationship, they have the perfect business, they have all the money, whatever. And they must think I'm so stupid or I'm behind or I'm not important enough for their time, whatever. Most of our assumptions about what others think about us, they're totally incomplete or just incorrect altogether. And you know, the reason why I can say that with certainty is because one, things are always more complex than you might think they are. And two, most people are not thinking about you. They're worried about themselves. They're actually worried about what you think about them in many cases. So you may as well assume that others have a good opinion of you and then focus on developing a good opinion of yourself. You know, you're comparing yourself to others when you are feeling like you aren't enough. And you can know you're comparing yourself to others when you're focused on. When you're focused on what others think of you and you think you're not where you should be. So what do we flip this into? Where do we redirect all of this? It's cool to understand, oh, I'm in comparison mode. But again, it's really easy to get sucked into it even more because we think, well, it's true. Okay, but if the thought that you're thinking doesn't feel good, spit it out, just like you would Spit out some food that doesn't taste good. You wouldn't say, oh, this tastes horrible, but I must continue eating this thing that I hate, right? No, spit it out because it doesn't taste good. All right. Now one of the things that I like to remind myself is that I do not need any condition around me to validate my worth or even to be evidence of where I'm going. And that's a tough one, especially because entrepreneurs are taught to monitor metrics and numbers. And you don't know thy numbers is what you're told. And so the question is, how can I not compare myself to the observable world around me, the observable business of mine in front of me? Because it's real. And how do I not look at that as evidence of where I'm not yet as evidence of where what's lacking? So I remind myself that one, the real thing that I want to observe is my emotion. Because my emotion indicates the kind of vibe that I am being. And that's fundamentally where I'm going. I mean, the Facebook ads, metrics, they can say whatever they want and I look at those, but I don't say that's who I am or where my business is going. That might be a teeny microscopic snapshot of right now and it can be useful information that will affect my decision making in the immediate future, but that's not where my business is going. Where my business is going is the vibration that I am practicing being on an ongoing basis. Do you see the difference there? I remind myself of that. I also remind myself that I am loved and supported by source, by the universe, by God. And I think it's funny that we every, I mean most human beings believe in some sort of power and they say God or source loves you no matter what. But I think that we also kind of treat that really haphazardly so often. Because if you truly embodied the essence of that statement that you are loved by divinity, I mean, how would you treat yourself? What would you say to yourself? What would that inner dialogue be? It would be much nicer than most of our inner dialogue is, truly. And so for me, it's not a joke, it's not a light hearted thing, it's not just a nice thing to say that God loves me, that God loves you. I like to find evidence that this is true, especially in those moments where I'm feeling a little bit down on myself. And so where I like to look to fortify this belief within me that I am loved and supported by divinity, Is I look at how nature unfolds and you all know that I love to cycle up the canyon, I love to hike, I love to be in nature. And part of the reason why is because I love to look at how effortlessly nature is unfolding. And I also like to look at how life unfolds. I mean, a little embryo grows into a human being and the eyelashes grow and the fingernails grow and the bones grow and no one's doing it, but it's being done. Like the Tao Te Ching says, the Dao does nothing, or God does nothing and leaves nothing undone. And to me, that's evidence of this universal well being, this love, this support that is always just flowing to you, but not just to you, through you. You are loved and supported by divinity. And the reason why is because you are fundamentally enough. You are enough. And that's why that comparison habit is just such a, just such a wonky place to be. It's not, I'm not going to say it's bad because you know me, I'm not going to say things are good or bad, but I would say it doesn't really serve you in most situations. So. So let's recap here. You can catch yourself comparing yourself in that negative comparison pattern early on by how you feel. Regardless of if you think you should be observing something or you think you should be thinking a thought, or if you think it's true, regardless of all of that, it's not helpful if you feel down on yourself as you're doing it. And so if you become aware of a moment of negative comparison, step back, turn your attention towards something that feels better. Because keeping yourself in a space of negative emotion, the positive thing about that is that it increases your desire to come back to the whole of who you really are. But the more time you spend there, the shittier you're gonna feel, because you're not, you're not, you don't need to spend more time there. And most of us spend a lot more time in that self criticism, that negative comparison. We spend a lot more time than we really need to. So when you catch yourself in those moments, turn your attention to anything that feels better. And as you start to reach better and better feeling thoughts, better emotions, then come back to some thoughts, some general thoughts that you know to be true. And my favorite one to start with is that I am loved and supported by divinity and things are always working out for me. And I know that as I tend to my vibration, my emotions, my feelings, the vibe that I am being, that's when I am most directly on my way to where I want to go. Alright, friends. Well, I hope this was a helpful episode for you. If you found something valuable, then do me a favor. Scroll down, leave a five star rating. Leave a review. That's how we get the word out. So we can continue producing valuable content like this. And I will see you on the next episode.