Breaking Free from People Pleasing: Made for Mondays 11.27.23

Foreign. It's Justin and it's Courtney. And welcome to Made for Mondays where we believe that you own your Mondays Mondays and own you. And so we welcome you guys in to our podcast today and glad you guys are tuned in with us. No matter where you are, whether it's on YouTube or you're listening to this on Spotify, itunes, Google Play has podcasts people listen to on the tv.

I don't know what androids do. I hope for life.

So no matter where you're listening, we're so glad you guys are tuned in today. So we thought about a way to begin the podcast today and we thought would be kind of fun would be to think about our ranking of our the best fast food. And so I'll have Court go first. So Court, if you had to rank the best fast food, like the places that you love to go to and five to one, what are you ranking them?

Okay, like, are we kind of like Chipotle and like Panera? Are those chocolate?

So we are currently on QSR magazine ranking the top 50 fast food places. I want to ensure that Chipotle is even listed.

I think so. I think. Well, I'm.

It's considered fast food.

I feel like it's fast food. Like instead of just like sit down dining, like, like somebody coming to serve you, I feel like that's fast food. So. Oh, my top three. Are we doing top three? Top five, Top five. My number one probably would be Chipotle. Reason why I should have started at 5 and went up. But okay, fine, act like you guys didn't hear that. I'll start at five.

Number five.

Number five. This goes out to Cam because Kim loves this place so much. Good old faithful McDonald's. Like it's tried. It's true. It's classic. People act like they don't eat it, but be at big zados in those points. Have you seen that like point system?

I don't.

It's so, so easy to like drive up and just get like their eyes like constantly doing free food. But Cam loves.

Once I got rid of the snack wraps I was done with.

I know. And do you guys remember? Please tell me in the comments. Do you please remember when McDonald's had those shaker salads?

Those are the best.

Bring back the shaker salads, please.

Shaker salad.

Those are so good. My mom says she doesn't remember those and I'm like, this is the best thing McDonald's I've ever created.

Jesus. Go ahead.

Anyway, black. But for Cam Goodall faithful, I will say McDonald's for him. It. It comes through. And I also saw something about millennials and McDonald's how. Because we were told growing up, like, do you have McDonald's money? No, we're not going to McDonald's that, like, millennials, like, kids today, really don't even want McDonald's like that. But it's like, I get it. It's like reliving. So I say McDonald's is my bottom. No. Next. I would have to say probably. Panda Express would probably have to be next. Panda is just a good classic. Just has a lot of sodium. It's a lot of sodium there and a lot of sugar. My next would have to be, like, some type of pizza joint. Like, I don't know what kind, but I'm open to whatever. Like, pizza, Domino's, whatever. Rounding out. What is that? 1, 2, 3. I have two more spots left. Starbucks. Is that because they're fast food?

It is. Oh, number two fast food company in the world. They have $19.7 million in sales.

I'm just gonna throw this out there because I know you're gonna, like, be mad, but I think I like Dutch Bros better than Starbucks. They have so many better, healthier drinks. Not healthier, but, like, you can, like, fit them into your lifestyle. And that's what I'm big on. And that's what leads me to my number one, Chipotle. Chipotle is my number one. Go to Jesse. Can't really stand it that much. He likes it. It's okay. But I like Chipotle because you can fit it into whatever lifestyle that you are in. So whether I am doing whole 30, whether I'm doing keto, whether I want to get my gains, I'm trying to lose whatever it is. You can fit, like, Chipotle into your lifestyle, and that's one thing I appreciate by them. So that's my number one spot.

Cool.

What about you?

For me, I go, I have real top five. It's just like everybody's basic top five. So for me, number five, Chloski's Deli slash.

People don't even know right in the comments, right. If you even know what Shalotsky's Deli is.

McAllister's Deli. They both are just great, great deli. I love a good deli sandwich. So I don't know your top five, but ShaloSki's Deli slash. And the cool thing about Schlaski's Deli, they have Cinnabon at Schlosky's Deli. So you have Scholarsky's Deli or McAllister.

It's sad when Cinnabon is your life support to keep you open.

Lasky's Deli or McAllister's Deli? That's number five for me. Number four.

I think I know what you're going to say.

Number four would probably be Zaxby slash Bojangles.

Oh, Zaxby. Zaxby slash Zaxby's in the West Coast. Really?

I know, but no matter. Zaxby slash Bojangles is number four.

No exact piece. And Bojangles are not the same.

They are. They both have. Okay, fine, Zaxby, but Bojangles is a close six. Bojangles is great, but Zaxby's.

What?

Okay, extra fries and I'm starting to fall in love with coleslaw. But Zaxby's.

Zaxby's is good.

Number three. I have to put Starbucks, right? Starbucks has to be there for number three.

I'm surprised. It's actually number one. I really drank. Like, I really thought you.

The reason it's not number one is the food. Right? The food. I don't like warmed over food that's been cooked already. I'm just not a fan. And so if they had fresh food, like. Like frothy monkey. Shout out Nashville. Like frothy monkey. Like their breakfast burger sandwich that you got. I put them there.

I love frothy.

Right. Number two, Jersey Mike's.

I was about to say that I forgot. Jersey Mike's, hands down.

Yeah, it'd be Jersey Mike's. That's the best.

I know. You're number one. Oh, gosh.

Arby's. Everybody has to understand the great news of Arby's. Arby's has the best sandwiches. They have Reubens for fast. You can get a Reuben in two minutes. You can get a brisket.

Is that really good?

You can get good lemonade. They have curly fries like Arby's has is number one.

You know, I don't think I've ever tasted Arby's before. Like, I've never.

The best part of Arby's is the curly fries with the Arby's sauce. You take the Arby's sauce, you take the curly fries, and you have yourself a great meal.

And that's like number one. Or all the things that you said.

Fried chicken sandwich with cheese and bacon on it. And it's a great sandwich at Arby's. Like, they have the meats for sandwiches, for sandwich. That's it. So that's Our top five. What's your top five? You can put it in the comments.

What are your top five? What are ones that we are missing?

I'm sure there's gonna be Chick Fil A's in there. Oh, and then the Taco Bells and the Burger Kings and the Wendy's and all of that. None of them can outdo Arby's.

Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. You agree? Nothing can outdo.

No, I just thought what I was agreeing to, I was thinking about Chick Fil A and other things that we forgot, but cool.

Anyway, we're gonna get into our topic today. But just a reminder as we jump in, you guys, as you go into holiday seasons looking for something to give people up on the screen. Now is our book. My first book I wrote. It's called Necessary Endings. Actually working on another one now, which is like the next next steps. Necessary Endings. But Necessary Endings. It's called Some Things need to Die for your to Live. And it just really talks about four mindsets that I think I need to that can assist every single one of you. It's a short read. It's 100 some odd pages. It's a short read. You can read it in one night, read it in two days. Very quick, to the point. The goal is next step. So you can feel free to get it@jr Lester.com or Amazon.

It's a good gift too, like a good stocking stuffer as well as we come into the holidays. It's a really good book. And if you're so someone that like, wants a book that you can't put down, and I know I'm a little biased, but it's a good readable book. I love a readable book that you just like want to keep flipping the pages on. So do your family and friends a favor, get this book on Amazon or on the website and put it as a stocking stuffer. Your family will love it and they will thank you later.

You guys will see in here on our podcast some things that we're working on too that will start rolling out more intentionally excited. I'm working on this other book called I'm. I was gonna call it. I'm ready, but it was gonna call I was changing the name to Killing your Idols. And really the next steps are necessary endings. Like you change your mindsets, then after you change your mindsets, then what and what do you do? So, like, it's one thing like everybody talks about, like change, change, change. Right. Change. Even like organizational change. Like change the culture and then what change this Then what? Move this and then what? And I think the same thing goes for personal lives. Like, you change, you work out, then what? So, like, you gotta change your diets. And so it's like killing idols. Because, like, so once you change your mindsets, you literally now are looking. You have you said clarity. And so what do you do with that? Anyway, that's what I'm working on, so. But today it's our podcast time. So, court, what's on your mind?

I don't know. I was thinking about this as we were, like, looking and planning on doing our podcast, but I think we should talk about today, like, people pleasing and, like, people bondage. Like, people pleasing. And I think so many of us fall prey and fall into the traps of, like, people pleasing. And this is coming from my own self work that I was able to do just randomly a few weeks ago, just sitting with myself and just reflecting, you know, And I know a big buzzword that we hear around town is like, trauma, trauma, trauma, trauma, childhood trauma, childhood trauma. And I'm like, you know, I really. I didn't really have, like, childhood trauma, like, you know, and I'm sitting in, like, the Holy Spirit, which I love, brings all things to remembrance when the time is right. Right when it's appropriate for you to handle. And I realize that things that I probably wouldn't classify as trauma, but have been traumatic for me and have brought in is my ability, like, right now, like, I have a huge need to please people. And I'm like, how. Where is that from? Where did that seed start? Like, because that's just a fruit, right? People pleasing is a fruit that has started somewhere. So I'll talk more on that, but I thought we could talk about people pleasing today. It's interesting.

I grew up as pastor's kid, and you know that that's. I feel bad for Cam sometimes.

I really do. Oh, he's such a great kid.

And it's just. But no, I. I grew up. I remember we would drive down Chicago, and my mom, she hated wearing these big hats. But the church we were at in Milwaukee forced. We're telling my dad that my mom had to dress differently, and so she had to go get hats. We went down to this place called Lourdes in Chicago, Expensive hats. And my dad was baking. My dad was making $29,000 a year working an overnight job. And so we had to drive down Chicago. He told him what type of car he had to drive, told him the. The hatsy my mom had to wear. And then not just that, but we had to start shopping at Nordstrom's. Right. We couldn't afford it. Making 29,000.

That was probably when Nordstrom was only in, like, Chicago, like those big cities.

So, no, it was only at the small in the outskirts of Chicago.

Oh.

And it's not for someone in Northwestern, because it was over there at Northwestern.

Right.

And so we went to this mall, and we would go there literally probably once a month. And my mom would get hats at Laura Days, we go to Nordstrom's, and Camille and I would have to I suits and dresses for the next month.

Wow.

Because we had to have clothing to match what this church said their pastor's family had to look like.

What somebody.

My dad. My dad had robes and suits and stuff that he had to wear. And then all of a sudden, one day he came home. My mom was so he. I never forget this because it's like. It's like some certain memories have burned into your mind. He came home with this big Cadillac Fleetwood Brome. It was a black Cadillac Fleetwood Brome. And came up with this big body Cadillac boat. Because the church deacon said he needed to have a big Cadillac. We had at the time, my parents had just paid. Not just paid off. And my mom was so happy because she was a single woman before. And they paid off. A Dodge Dynasty. And then she had a Sundance, right? So my dad had a Dynasty, she had a Sundance. And then. So I remember the pictures of those cars, right? Because the thing is, I used to, like, chew the sides of the car.

What?

It was weird. I used to chew this inside the car. And the Dynasty. And I had a Sundance. And she Sundance. He had to roll the windows down with the crank.

Yeah.

Air, Right? And so my dad came home with this big Cadillac fleet broom. I was like, how did you afford this church? Didn't pay for it. Nothing. And making $29,000 a year because he wanted to look like the pastor people told me he'd be.

Yeah.

And, yeah. I remember just growing up as a PK saying, if I ever have kids, I will never put them through this. And just. Even at the high school, you know, you need to do this, you need to do this, you need to do that. One thing I didn't want to do is mention because it's like, it's sad. The syndrome of people pleasing.

Right?

And it's. And the thing about church people, too, is that they're bringing. Like you said earlier, before we recorded, they're bringing everything, right? So it's not just, you need to look like this but like, the pastor that I liked the most dressed like this, move like this, acted like this. And it's not just church what happens in our jobs too. The boss I like the most that I left the job, but the boss I like the most, even though I quit that job, didn't work like this, emailed like this, live like this, move like they did all these different things, right. The, the, the, the, the relationship that I grew the most, even though you broke up, did things like this.

Right.

And I think that, that, that, that, that baggage we bring into situations, and I've been guilty of that as well. And I've gotten very. Like Tom Rainer talked about how pastors, because our hands get overworked.

Yeah.

We get very calloused and you lose feeling.

Yeah, I hate that.

I hate that. I'm not gonna sit here and lie about it. Like, I hate when I lose feeling.

Yeah, right.

When it's just like. But when you get, I mean, shoot. Just the stuff that has been online about me in the past two months, I mean, Jesus, man. You just get to a point where.

It'S hard, it's absolutely hard to navigate. I want to go back to like what you were saying about like this need. We have a six year old son, Cam. He's awesome. He has his own, like, personal style. Like he, he's at the age, right, of autonomy in him wanting to pick out his own clothes and wanting to pick out his own. He like accessorizes. He has like hats and chains and how he just like the shoes he picks out. He has like a method, like, he knows and he envisions what he wants to wear and how he wants to portray himself in the world. And he's at the age of where he's really wanting to do that. And a lot of times, like, I never want that. Right. I know growing up in a black Baptist church as well, like the expectations of what you're supposed to look like, right? Or how you're supposed to look. And so, you know, yesterday too, like, yesterday was Sunday, it being Monday or when we're recording this, and he's like, I want to wear this, which was a church logo shirt, right? With these sweatpants, with these shoes, with this, like, please, mom, I want to do that. And I'm like, my first line was like, oh, no. Like, don't you want to wear like something a little like dressier, like nicer, you know, like that? He's like, no. Like. And I realized, because we all have that, we wake up and we're like, this is how I feel today. Like, this is what I want to wear today. We. We all have that natural. Like, this is what I want to, like, go out in the world when this is what I'm feeling today. And then for someone to tell you, well, to make others feel comfortable with themselves and with you, you need to change like that. And I was like, no, you rock it. You look. You look cool, dude. Like, you look really cool, bro. That's his new thing, bro. You look cool, bro. And I'm like, I'm here for it. Do it however way you feel comfortable because those are the seeds I didn't want to plant or water the seeds. Seed of, like, change yourself to appease others in however way they grew up in, the traumatic events, their. Whatever dysfunction they have change you to meet them.

And it's. It's not easy. You know, I do that. I deal with that every week. Not just my clothing, but just presence and tone. And I think you do it on our jobs too, right? Where it's like, you know, so it's pleasing our bosses. No matter if those of you who are working, driving, and listening to this, going into work. Okay. Geez. Like, so that what you're trying to please is what you don't know.

Yeah.

So did they wake up? Okay. Like, I go to hospitals, right? Like, and when I go pray over individuals, my prayer is, yes, for the people and their families. But I'd spend more time praying over the doctors, nurses, and their home lives so that when they come in, they don't make, like, imagine a doctor on the verge of divorce making a rash decision over someone because they just need to get out of there. Imagine a nurse who is just rushing through their. Their stuff to get back to their phone. Right? My prayer is not just over that the person, but over the people who are controlling the pills are going into your body, the needle. And it's not just church. If we are so in tune, I think with people, we think we stop living for ourselves. Right. And that's been a problem of mine. I remember just early into my preaching ministry, how it was never about what the gospel said.

Yeah.

It was about being popular and what people said.

Yeah.

I was one of the most freeing things. One of my mentors, Pastor Mike Wolverine, at first Corinthians, he said to me, Pastor Mike said to me, he said, justin, you need to stop preaching to preachers and preach for the people.

Wow.

And my preaching changed drastically because for so long, I was preaching to impress my colleagues.

Say, go, doc.

Yeah. Docking around, right? To Impress my colleagues. Right. And even. Even a couple weeks ago, we had a. Had a massive funeral. Our church. We lost our minister of music. And when I walked in the building, we had, like, 20 different pastors in the room. And I'm sitting here, my flesh. Because there's a lot of other things that were going on at our church, but, like, my flesh was like, shut the house down. Show these Negroes you know how to preach.

Yeah.

My spirit says his family needs to be ministered to. My church needs their pastor. I'm going to minister to this family. Right. And. And. And whether or not people leave out saying you preached or not just didn't matter. And I've gotten to the I don't care syndrome. Right. It's not fun.

You're really good. One thing. You're really good at that. And I'm like, God will be as rigid as Justin, but help me, because you've been a really good example of, like, not falling into the traps of people.

Yeah. I have one, two. I have my wife and my first layer of engagement and then two friends.

Yeah.

In the second layer. And the rest are just like. I have, like, another layer of all male, but another layer of, like, three brothers who are cool.

Yeah.

Right? And we talk, and you hear me talk to them all the time. It's third. One, two, three are pastors. The other two aren't. And from college and from our time together. And literally, we talk on the phone for hours at end, just all guys, and we talk about life and everything. And the reason I had to stop caring about every little thing is when I moved from pastoring a smaller church to pastoring a larger church, it's not just a matter of not caring. It was a matter of, like, boundaries and protection. Right? Because if I were to hold onto every opinion, like, my hair is cut too short and I'm bald. Right. It's just like. It's just stuff like that, right? Or my beard. I remember, like, I cut my beard off, and it was like, you finally look like a pastor now. What? Right? And then I grow my beard back out. Like, ugh. Like, you finally. You look for you doing it for the culture. Like, and it's just like, no, I'm just growing my beard out. Right? No, Cam walked in yesterday. When I saw Cam come in, I said, oh, my God, he's not wearing sweatpants to church. I was like. I was like, literally. But I was like, no, I want this kid to be comfortable.

Yeah.

And I was like. The first thing I thought was, like, he's not worth it. But I think the same thing goes. And I remember working for people and is pastor okay? Pastor Vinnie like me Pastor Vinny I was so worried like he's gonna text me back and like Pastor Vinny's over here like Justin what do your job.

And living his life like how people die.

I remember and shout out to Pastor Vinnie. Pastor Vinny was Pastor Vinnie is my pastor. Pastor Vincent Winrow, Olive branch for love Pastor. I used to think he was mad at me every week and do be on the beach or leading an entire university, right. And it'd just be like Justin what I'm not thinking about you. Like no offense, I'm not thinking about you. Right? Like what? And I'd be so like are you mad? Are you this? And I would live. And then eventually it was, it was he what freed me from that was started to me was when he started letting me see real emails from, from stuff and coming into rooms with multimillion dollar decisions. And when I saw my first million dollar check.

Yeah.

I was like, oh, we did a capital campaign. I remember seeing like I think was $2.8 million. I was like, what in the world? I've never seen the many zeros on check before.

Yeah.

Because I'm over here making 30 grand thinking like I'm like I have a full time job. That's a $2.8 million to purchase a building. And I'm in the room like at the table. I'm just quiet in the corner. So then when our church, my first church, when we got a four and a half million dollar check, it was just like I bet, right? That's a bet. Cool. The church is a bet because I saw 2.8, so this is 4.4 next, let's see 26. So like even we're doing capital campaign in our current church and it's just. But it's like my stop for people pleasing was all of that. So even when we listen to Tyler Perry and I'm like this is a millionaire mindset. Millionaires really just don't care because everybody hates millionaires.

That's how everybody hates millionaires. So if you guys haven't seen it, it's called Maxine Sun. It's on Amazon Prime. That's a quick plug. It's about Tyler Perry and his whole story. It's a documentary. But one of the things that he said that was so powerful in that little documentary, right. I'm sure we all heard about him and he's like, you know, it's the People in my own community that gave me. Oh, my God, that gives. Currently gives me the most slack flack of everything. Like, they're the ones that are, like, bashing me the most. And he's like, I know. Like, I understand the wigs are bad. I get it. Like, you might think the drama is over the top. You might think that this isn't. But I do not care because I know my audience, and I know my audience well. Right. Like, I know who I'm called to, and I know what they need. And granted, because we all. At one point in time, whether you're trying to refute it or you're trying to remember it, we have someone in our family. That's why, like, he has millions of audience and he works fast. Because he's like, people see themselves in these characters, and that's what. So whether you're like, oh, because people have bad wigs. Right. I'm embarrassed by that. And how dare he just, like, put this out. This is supposed to be something very internal and very, like, something we don't talk about. And he's like, but you still got a cousin with a bad wig, though. And you still have that drama. They don't like the big mama. Yeah.

Because we don't like ourselves.

Yeah.

And so it's like, how dare you have a movie with a misshapen actor? Because you are. How dare you have a movie with a bad wig? Because you are. How dare you have a movie where they're constantly breaking up? Because you do. How dare we have a movie where it's three different baby mamas? Because that's you. You're one of them. How dare we. And it's like, we hate the truth.

Yeah.

Right. Like, I asked you this question yesterday, and I'll ask you again on here. Is social media, right. An escape from community, or is social media community?

Yeah.

And you said the answer, and I believe that we said the same answer, and that is social media is an escape from community. So the issue is. And you had a book upstairs, like a Bully Trap. I haven't read it, but I see what the premise of it is, and that is that we desire to be liked in our escape places, but we don't love ourselves or desire to be loved in the places where we actually have. So, like, we're afraid to go to Thanksgiving dinner, we're afraid to go to Christmas dinner. We're afraid for birthday parties. We're afraid for the family reunion. What's gonna come out, what's gonna happen? What are they going to Say in the community that you have blood community. Communities that you created, friends, giving all the. But then. So then what do we do while we're sitting at friendsgiving or Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner? We escape to a community where we've made AI portraits of ourselves. We escape to a community where we've told the world that we're someone that we're not. We escaped to a community where we've made up stories about ourselves. We escape to a community where we've lost 30 pounds and haven't been to the gym. We escape to a community where we're scrolling through everybody else twerking, everybody else's relationships, everybody else's breakups, everybody else's team. We escape to it because we desire to be liked in places that literally do not exist.

Yeah.

And so what happens is we get to make up narratives and make up things that are not true. And so it's the same thing that gets back to, like, my family when I was growing up, my parents, where it's like, we. We escape to this community. So then, yes, when I start getting. When I get into ministry, my first step was not like, oh, let me be faithful to the scriptures. Let me continue to promulgate the community that I've been built in my entire life. Hats shout breaks all of this so that when God awakens me and I'm like, I remember, I never forget when the Lord began to reveal things to me. And there was a sermon that God gave me and a word the Lord gave me for a church. And I was preaching, I was serving at the church, and I didn't want to do it. And I went online, I found an old sermon from somebody else. I preached and copied it, like, almost verbatim. It was an old Marcus Cosby sermon and copied it almost verbatim and preached the sermon. Right. So disobedient to the Word. So disobedient to God. Yeah, sermon was great. I mean, he was a great preacher. Right. But so disobedient to God.

So to be.

To the Word. I just did it because that's what I knew. He was a black suit, white shirt, black tie, Hooper. And that's what I knew, and that's what I thought I needed to become. And. And then I just stopped. I didn't like the beating anymore from disobedience. Right. Because it was just like, I'm. I was tired of the disobedience. Were like, this is what God has told me to share.

Yeah.

This is how God has told me to share. And it's not for everybody.

So I think not. And that's exactly. It's not for everybody. One of the things. When we got married, one of the first events, there was a prophet that spoke over to. Spoke over us first. She prophesied that we were gonna have Cam.

Right.

I didn't know what she was telling. She's like, there's a seed. And I was like, okay. Like, every seed bit had no clue what she's talking about. She's like, there's a seed coming up in a. A few months. And prophesied over that. Sure enough, it happened in, like, three months. It happened. And she said, your anointing is different, right? And she said, there's going to be so many people who feel that you're different to be difficult, but you're different by design. That has never left me because I feel like every place is that God has us and we're going to. It's a lot of people who. Either they accept it or they're like. They refute it so bad because they feel that we're being difficult. Right? Why don't you dress like what my favorite preacher dressed like, or what I think a Baptist preacher suggests? Like, how come you don't look like a Kojic first lady? How come your son doesn't wear tailored Steve Harvey mini collection suits? How come you guys don't drive? What we need you to drive. How come, like, it's bad in the church and it's bad in the world, too, of, like, what a black family should do, even on the vice versa, like, oh, wow. Oh, you're black. Like, so many people in our neighborhood. We're only black people in our neighborhood. And they're looking at us like we got the biggest, best house on the corner of the neighborhood and the first people in the neighborhood. And it's. It's saying, and it's like, we know our audience. We know and we're faithful because we've tried to run from God. We've tried to be like, God, let's just be Joe Schmo and Jane Doe and just be regular smoking people, you know, whatever. We don't have to do this preaching, pastoring, you know, helping people thing. We want to just be whatever.

There was a job I was up for at a college, and they hired. I have a earned doctorate, two masters.

And two bachelors, right?

And they hired this girl straight out of college. Like, if that wasn't God telling me that you're not.

He tells us exactly where we need to go. And so. And that goes down to like, how we even present ourselves, because God is saying, we pray over our closet. Like, what do you need us to wear today?

I have this essential shirt I want to wear.

You needed to wear. And he even, like, the spirit convicts us too, in the things that we want to wear selfishly. Like, you were like, I want to wear my essential shirt. And you came back. It was like, God said I could wear my essential shirt.

So I think the steps for it, like, with that. Yeah, it's like, you know, for those of you who are faith, like, yes, prayer is the number one thing I think you only move. Like, I remember in my old car Camry, before this Camry, it was still moving on, analog stuff, right? And you gotta be in tune with God, meaning as you move, like, even when day comes at night, comes with the date the sun is up. On the AM dial, it might be 6:20. Right. But when the sun goes down, it might be 6:30. So you got to make sure you're constantly in tune with God. For those of you who are people of prayer, I think for me, the main thing from this is realizing you're not for everyone.

You're not.

You're not for everyone. And. But to name your circle, right? You are the five people who have your ear. Yeah, Right. You are the five people have your ear. So who are your. Who are your two. Maximum, you'll need 20 mentors. Who are your two champions or mentors? Right. And then who are your two or two or so friends? And then your spouse or your close loved one, if you're single, right. So that's a parent or brother or sister. Who are the five people that have your ear? Because people have your ear dictate how you talk. Right? That's it. So, like, and that goes to books, that goes to podcasts, like, even things like this. Who are the five people who have your. Because you are those five people. Right? And then. And then some things you honestly cannot care about. One thing Tyler Perry's show taught me and reminded me of. And I'm reading these books on different pastors who. Whose churches began to explore. Because even as you talk about that, like, you're not. You're different by design, not desire, in two different contexts. We baptize 100 people in one year in the two most unchurched regions of the country. In black Baptist churches, yeah, everybody can hate me all they want to, but in two contexts, I have baptized a hundred people in a year.

In a year.

And it's like. But I'm just like the worst Thing since, like, I don't know, unsliced bread.

Because we. Because we.

That which we don't understand, we demonize to your standards.

We. We are the worst people because we're not meeting that expectation, but we are meeting the expectation of what God has called us to do because we're dressing like the people that God wants us to meet. You dress like the people that. The conversation. Like, everything. Even to what, like, I wear on church. I realize a lot of things are conversation starters, right? They're things to make people say, wow, I like that. Or like, oh, where'd you get that? Let's connect on this. So now we're connecting at a common level of saying, like, oh, I've never heard of that before. Or, what's this? Or have you tried this? Or different things. And that's what God wants. He wants us to have community. Not this faux nature, like what you were saying about social media. Not this faux nature of, like, this sense of community, like, where we don't even go out to meet anybody because we have this faux sense, right? This faux sense of knowledge, this faux sense of, like, doing things. Because, oh, we have social media and we're just, like, hiding behind these looks and hiding behind these things, and it's just detrimental to us as a society, I think. But, yeah, I. Yeah. So that has been my journey through, you know, people pleasing and really saying God a. Like, what you were saying, knowing that Swanisha audience, me, if you're people of pave, like, what does God want you to do? What is. Like, what did he do? Like, that's the first person to please, right? Like, if you have to please anyone, that's the best. The person to please. And God, what do you have for me? What do you want from me? And the rest doesn't matter because I guarantee you, you'll be happier.

And here's a life principle with that as well. I talked about this at church yesterday. The essential part of cutting back, realizing that the goal is fruitfulness. The goal that God has for every single one of us is to be fruitful. Just to be fruitful. And we have to be comfortable that there are moments in our lives where things, people will be trimmed out of your life, right? So we moved from Nashville to Rhode island, and I talked to four people from Nashville. So now when I go back to Nashville, I know a lot of people, like, no offense, anybody from Nashville, I love you. All those of you that watch from Nashville, please continue to listen to the podcast. No, this is no offense to anyone, but I have four really good friends. Two I talk to weekly. One we hired right. That talk to weekly from Nashville on a regular basis. Every time I go back and preach, there's some people who always come. I get a chance to meet with and hang out with Nashville. I have two pastoral friends down there I talk to on a regular basis. Love them to life. One just got engaged. Shout out, Pastor Faison. Happy. Congratulations, man. So, like, you know, people like that. Right. And then we moved to Rhode island, but it was just those four. And then we saw that in the install. We saw the people who came from Olive Branch and all of that. Then we went to Rhode island, and we moved from Rhode Island. And I know Cam still talks to one person from Rhode island all the time. Some people from our former congregation we about talked, talk to, occasionally have group messages with. And that's really it. Right. And then we moved here, and it's creating. So it's realizing that every season of our lives, every person, whether it's a job. So we talked about moving cities, even from Milwaukee. I went back to Milwaukee. Know hundreds of people in Milwaukee.

Yeah.

But I don't talk. I talk to one person on a regular basis. He moved to Baltimore. I talked to one person. And it's nothing against anyone.

Yeah.

Against anyone. But realizing that there's. There's certain seasons. And I think we have to get over the language of thinking that just because someone moves or gets another job or gets a child or gets married, that they're using people for something. Right. There are people in our lives will be pastured. Right. That I've led, that went to college at Brown and were amazing people and moved. They didn't use us. It was seasonal. It was just literally seasonal. And I think we have to see that every relationship is not a lifelong relationship.

Yeah.

And until we realize that everybody's not your mama, everybody's not your daddy, everybody's not your uncle, you. These. These family terms, like these, like, I assigned that title brother to two other people in my life, and that's Terrence and Brandon, and they're the only. And it's. It took a lot for me to get there. Right. Pastor Buchanan, before he passed away, was the first man I told I loved since my father. And that was a lot for me. Right. And it's just like. Because we. Those titles mean something. It's like, so, like, Terrence got an award, and I'm gonna fly down there to be with you because I know, like, my mom passed away. Terrence was right there. Right. Something Happens, like, if something ever were to happen with anyone in Brandon's family, I'm gonna fly. Because they're my. They're my two. I consider them brothers. There's a level of intimacy that you and I have that I'll ever have with them that I don't want because that's extension. But like my little sister, man, like, I'm gonna drop kick anything I need to for that, because it's, It's. It's important. But we can't assign those titles to everyone.

Yeah.

And I think one of the reasons this whole, like, you talking about, like, people pleasing is we'd call everybody mama and papa and uncle and auntie and sister and brother, and they don't deserve those titles, Right.

I see it almost like a tree. Can you imagine, though, like, if a tree never, like, lost its leaves, like, if it never let go of the past year, right? And like, we are like a tree. Like, let's say we're a tree, right? We're a tree. And the branch are those things that, like, remain in our lives like, that are constant. It's who we are. It's what we are as a person. And leaves, and they stay for a cycle, for a season, for a year of seasons, and then they fall off right in our fall time. Can you imagine if leaves never fell off the tree? But yet there's all this new growth on the inside of the branch, right? So then it's just like these new growth, these new leaves coming out and new life that has new oxygen and new. All these things that come from leaves and all the plant food and the grass food and all that. So, like, the earth would. Would suffer. Either the new life can't come out because it's blocked up with the leaf that's currently there, or the leaf is so long that it just looks stupid. It just looks crazy, right? But yet that's so many of our lives, right? Like blocked growth. Like, blocked growth. Can't even get anything new. The earth around us, the land, the people. Why am I still this? Why? I really want to do this. I really want to be in this area. I really want to grow my career. I really want to do this. But we're refusing to let go of the things that we need to just to have that new growth. We can't feed the land around us. We can't. You know, it's all a circle of life, right? The leaves fall off, it becomes food for our ground. It becomes food for the tree, for the grass, for everything around us to continue to survive, to grow again, right? And we're just like, no, but I just. I can't lose. And that's how it was. Like, it's been a hard season in our life of a lot of loss, a lot of loss of people per se, People in death, people just in situations and lifehoods that were impossible for us, I think, to even let go of. And God literally, like the gospel, sheds the light on things and rips it out of our hand when we don't have the ability to do it. Like, seasons just come, right? Like it or not, with trees, fall is always coming, and it's gonna happen whether you. You like it or not. It doesn't matter how warm it is or how cold it is. These leaves are about to fall. And that. We went through a cycle of that, right? And it was so hard because as a people pleaser, it's like, oh, my God. I really care about how people see me, and this is the worst thing that could possibly happen to me. God, people are mad at me. People, like, have this. This judgment about me. People are, like, doing this. Oh, my God. But do you even have it about yourself? No. You know, and it's just, like, care about yourself and let you out. Like, care about yourself enough to allow growth to happen.

I think the. And that's why, like, even for me, I confronted some of that in playing a game called the offended game. Like, if I'm offending you, just show it because I'm trying to help you grow, right? I think it's. It's important to engage with that. And I think even talking about how, you know, you're saying we're growing together, those of you who are married, you guys see, like, sequoia trees, right? Like, we're. You're one unit. And so if. If a leaf falls off in my life, it's also falling off in hers. And simultaneously, if it falls off in Courtney's life, it also falls off in mine. And it's never. It's not easy, right? Especially because there's the attachment was to her. So I'm like, why are you. So. Why do you care so much? But then the attachments to. Why do you care so much? Because it's a unified thing. It's one thing, you know, I think that has to be engaged. And then the one thing I want to make sure we communicate, not that we didn't say it or assume it. This is not aimed at old people. I mean, let's talk to people our age, right?

It's more so our Age. Yeah.

Like, I'm not. I'm realizing more and more as I'm looking at just stats, how much millennials and Gen Z run the world.

Oh, yeah.

And we are still blaming things on boomers.

Yeah.

Who've retired. Right. And the boomers are in control anymore. Right. And so it's us. We are 60% of the workforce. We are only like 40% of the wealth, but, like 60% of the workforce. Right. And we are making money. We're. Except we're moving up in the ranks of. Of income. And so this conversation is for y', all, like, we're controlling the social media world. Yes. Older people are coming onto Facebook, but our generation is still running everything else. We're on threads. We're on. We ran from Twitter to threads because old people got on thread. Twitter, whatever. We, we. We're running the TikTok and we're getting away from Instagram reels and Facebook reels will be on there. Like, so we're the ones running the stuff. And we're the ones who get in fights over dumb relationships.

Yeah.

We're the ones who hate the fight videos. We're the ones who spill tea on people. We're the ones who make up stories about people. We're the ones who, like, I saw this thing on. On on Twitter yesterday where this lady said, I don't know, someone sent her a message and she assumed it was her husband's current ex. Husband. Ex boyfriend's wife or something. And so she just assumed. And it was a scammer.

Yeah.

But she put up this whole thing and made up a whole story that this scammer, literally a scammer just trying to get money from her, was her ex boyfriend's wife or something. It was foolish. And she wrote this whole thing and she. And then at the end, people were like, this girl. Girl is crazy. But yet she's now got millions of followers making bookoo money and all these people on Tick Tock because she made up a story, fell into the trap of the story to find out that it was a scammer. Just trying to get her to give her some money. And she put it up like, oh, ha, it's funny. And then everybody's like, you put like, now her ex boyfriend's life is completely ruined because people found him. Call this job, reach out to. Because we want to be liked, so we got to help her out. Her, the girls, the husband's actual wife who has no, but you wanted to be with him so bad. You made. It's just all it doesn't make any sense.

It's exactly what you're saying about, like, we're. We're now in charge. We are now, right? We are now in charge. And I think, I do think that what our previous generation did.

Fell.

Fell at is that we have these very powerful tools, right? We have like, this very powerful tool, this powerful marketing tool, multiple marketing tools that can be very dangerous weapons in our hand every day. And we have multiple of them. We have TikTok, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, whatever it is, cash app, even, like, all of these different things in different ways of talking and all marketing tools. All of these are marketing tools, but they're in our hands. And it's just like having multiple weapons and multiple guns and multiple things in our hands, but not taught effectively how to use them. 100. Right. Like, so, like seeing and being like, okay, social media is a thousand percent a marketing tool, right? And using us in our personal lives, like, oh, look at my dog, look at my child.

Look at this.

We did this. This weekend. We just put up an ad for whatever we did this weekend. Like, we just went to go get, like trees as a family. That was one big ad. Yeah. For garlic farms with the hope of.

Other tree companies seeing our.

Seeing that and being like, oh, wow. Like garlic saying, like, wow, can you do more content for us or can you do that?

Our goal was to make money, but.

If you don't realize that, you're just continuing to feed into the machine of advertisement and all of this. So we have these powerful weapons, right? And we feel like it's a big microphone, right? I'm a microphone. So I'm gonna put up whatever I want to say because I'm mad, right? And this is going out to thousands of people at the same time and at the same thing, which is another thing of people pleasing, right? Like I, I want to say fast, I want to do this or I want to do that, and I just have to listen. I have to let the world know what is happening or I'm unfriending everybody because I'm just so mad at everybody and I'm leaving this thing or people who announce or people who do things like that because it's this call of pay me attention, I want to please or I'm not this or I'm not that. And really putting it in perspective that these are weapons that anything. And I say this all the time when we, like, you know, people are like, are you aiming sermons? No, we don't ever aim sermons. Because every time you Try to point a weapon at something, it never goes to the person you want, where you want it to go. It never goes. It goes to the faithful person that is trying to do the best they can. And it hit them unexpectedly because it's like, I'm trying the best I can, and now I don't know what I'm doing. And it kills them. But we have all these weapons that we were not properly trained on how to use, and it kills us.

John Maxwell, in this book I just finished reading Home Run. Great book, by the way. Kevin Myers, John Maxwell, any pastor, I recommend reading it. John Maxwell talked about his failures in his first church, Skyline. And he talked about something that I also did before, and he talked about how he would get up at his church and he had to get things off his chest, say things, and get it out. And I've done that. Right. And like you said, it never hits the people you're trying to hit. I gotta tell you, whatever. Right. And I did that in my first congregation. And I'd be so mad because I would get up and I had this whole exposition at a whole exposition, and I'd be so mad they weren't there.

Yeah.

So I'd be like, tell everybody. Share this right now. Because I wanted to make sure this one individual saw this one little clip.

Yeah.

That I would say. Then I got to a point where I was like, I'm at a point in my life now about to say straight to your face. Right. Like, I'm at a point where I'm just like, yeah, I'm not. I'm not gonna waste the microphone. Because I didn't realize the amount of people who don't know Jesus. And so, like, yeah, this last series, man. This last series. Now I'll end this here, here. And we. I want to get into a new section that we have on our podcast. This. This. This last series, I preach Revelation. Preach the seven Church of Revelation. I don't want to do it, man. And I studied and Jesus Christ, man, every week, I was aiming stuff. I talked about Jezebel. Then all of a sudden, I talked about Jezebel, everything. You're talking about me. I didn't say you're.

Week by week, everything that you preached on got tested.

And it. But the thing about it is, the funniest part is I wrote those sermons two weeks in advance so that I could get all the content made. I could get all the stuff made. So I was writing things two weeks in advance. I was sending my notes over, like, literally like this. When we finish this podcast, I will send my notes over for next week's sermon. So if someone's like, you're aiming it because of an email I sent you on Friday, literally, it was done two weeks early. Yeah. And so it's. It's unfortunate. And it got to me, right. It bothered me because I'm sitting here like, I'm being faithful to the scriptures. I'm faithful to the hermeneutic. And what got me was that, like, I fell into this trap. I'm just using the title of the book likability of, like, geez, man. Like. Because all I'm hearing is, you're aiming it. You hate me. You aiming it. You hate me. You're trying to do this. You're a hypocrite, you're this, you're that. Whatever, whatever. You're a false prophet. All this type of crap. And so at the end of our series, asking for feedback, like, please tell me how the series really went. Because I'm like, all I'm getting is harm, harm, harm. Negative, negative, negative, distant people from Jesus. When really you said something so powerful to me. You said, no. All you did was shed light on dysfunction.

The gospel.

The gospel will do that. And for me, I'm at a point now where, like, we're in a series on resources because we're into a capital campaign in our church. And I'm, like, excited. Oh, man. I'm excited. Like, I'm up there having fun, like, yesterday. Like, I haven't taught like that in a minute. And I'm excited about that because it's like, no, I know. The goals we have for this are to build the body of Christ to reflect Jesus in this community.

Yeah.

And whether or not it's vocally loved in the moment. And you are this high futin. Whatever.

In the same way. I know I juggle about this all the time. Exactly. Because I don't want you to leave that. That statement or that sentiment. Is that the same for every. Why you pointing that sermon at me? Right? Because I got directly to my sin, which should be a praise God moment. Like, God, thank you, Holy Spirit, for talking directly to me, to every one of those. We stand still got one that was like, someone in tears.

That's like, praise the Lord for clarity.

Wow. That sermon was just for me.

That's it.

Right? Like, and so we sit there like, wait, which one is it? Right? And it's just like, I much rather be in the ladder. Right. I much rather be in the ladder of, like, wow, thank you for praying for me in my situation to know what I'm dealing with, I'm in the right place at the right time to hear, because I want to grow what I've learned, and I want to do those things.

What I've learned and I leave it. And whether it's in the workplace, whether it's in the church, whether it's in your family, there are certain people who are committed to misunderstanding. You know what? There are certain people who are committed to ensuring that anything you say and do is going to be misunderstood.

And some people that just hate happiness, they hate joy, they hate other people's success.

And the thing about it, the reason I say that is I've been that person. So when Courtney's talking about, like, unfriending people or announcing you're going on a hiatus, I used to be that person. I used to put it up on Facebook. And then, like, I'm away two hours and then see if anybody likes it, because just one. People say, like, don't go to high. But it's sad. I don't know why. I really don't know why at this point. Now, like, literally, like, I'm just stating it now. I literally download Instagram to upload something. I download it when I know something's gonna happen because I want to see it in someone's life. Like, pastor basically got engaged, and I just really downloaded Instagram to see the video and then delete. I just don't even. I don't scroll. I don't. I just don't care. I really. When I say I don't. And it's like, oh, I gotta upload something for church. My son wants to upload a video. I'm gonna upload a video, and that's it. And I just. Because it's like, I really could care. And so come to find out. It's funny. Find out. I have a church on, like, every. Every single weekend. All right, people, come. Pastor, I'm praying for you because I saw the statuses. What?

That's in this only situation where ignorance is bliss.

Oh, my gosh. I'm enjoying it because I'm sitting.

It's actually very blissful.

It's so enjoyable. Because you're like, what? I don't see any of it because I don't care. And what I do.

Right.

If I. If I do need to address it, you. Scripture says in Book of Revelation, you fight the world's battles with the world's weapons.

Yeah.

So put it a. Put a publicist or an attorney on it. But if it's not. Yeah, literally, like, we talk about, like, flesh. Like, what, sticks and stones. But words will never. You can't let them.

You can't.

You can't. I'm gonna give you this last. So, Abram, I've been saying this ever since one of my boys, some of you. The sermon he was preaching, he said, you know, J. Abram, the story of Abraham. And God said, you know, I will bless those who bless you, and I'll curse those who curse you. The Hebrew there is not those. It's the one I will curse, the one who curses you. Because you always have more for you than you have against you. Want you to fall in love with yourself and then realize the five people who actually do love you. Everybody doesn't. Like, we've thrown the word love around so much. We love our sports teams the same way we love our mothers. It's not the same. And we've thrown love around so much. And God says, I will bless those who bless you, and I will curse the one who curses you. You always have more people for you than you have against you. And frankly, if you're a person of faith, Romans 8. God is for you. So as long as God is for you, I could care less. But who's against you? And so you don't have to. You don't have to prove your powerful. One thing I love about Jesus. Jesus never demanded respect, but he didn't go around like, you better respect me because I'm Jesus.

Don't you know who I am?

Like, I'm Jesus. Like, he didn't do it. He just literally sat there and said, can a man grow by saying he can.

No, he did shave.

Oh, he was shady. He's all good. Can a man do this? Like, suppose. Suppose there was a farmer and he went out and sowed seed. Suppose. Suppose there was a.

Never answered the question because he's like, I'm Caesar.

What is Caesar's. Give to God. What is God's. What are you gonna do with that? I don't know. Like, what do you want me. Am I supposed to pay taxes or not? Give to Caesar what is Caesar's. And give to God what is God's. And he just went on about his business, and he fulfilled purpose. He saved millions of people. He had changed the course of history, and he's going to keep doing it, and he's using us to do it, too. So check this out. So one of the things that we're doing, we're going to change name of this podcast going into Next year. And we are embarking on a journey and a journey called capacity. If you guys have been noticing some of the names of our podcast, increasing your capacity, naming your capacity, your job's capacity today, probably your people capacity. And the goal of capacity, Courtney can explain even further, was something that God gave us over the course of last summer. We didn't realize that God was telling us and foretelling us something that we would need to engage in because of things that would just kind of hit us the way they hit us. But I'm grateful that God gave us vision a while ago. And so one of the major aspects of capacity, not only we have master classes and our books and book publishing and things, is going to be coaching. And so Courtney can explain a little bit about that. But coaching in that sense that it's different than therapy. But we'll spend time talking about that on podcast. But you guys are going to see and hear more. We love to work with you on capacity. Part of our LLC now, the Lester.

Yeah, the Lester Group is our LLC and yeah, exactly. We are starting coaching and I have been doing coaching for about four, four years now. I'm a social worker by trade and education and so I have worked with many clients in my career. I like to stay in the leadership part of things and like non profits, helping them scale and helping them grow. And even in my last, for the past like four years I've been working intricately in coaching people directly which has launched into like me personally coaching people and having clients, but me coaching people and coaching coaches really and managing and coaching coaches to help other people live their best life. And so I am opening up to coach other people if you're interested, whether you want to meet your goals. And let me tell you a little bit about why coaching is a little bit different than therapy. So therapists absolutely should be a part of your arsenal of people like in your group or in your circle of support. Coaching is not therapy. Therapists have a detailed plan, just like a doctor, like a treatment plan for you, but for your mind to help you to grow. Coaching really helps to coach you to meet your goals. Right. Whether that's a goal of therapy, the goal of being better in your career, the goal of being free from people and putting up those boundaries and establishing yourself, whatever that is, from weight loss to, to whether you're pregnant and you just want to focus on your well being and your care goals, whatever stage or season that you're in coaching can be really helpful. A lot of part and this is a piece of a nippet that I'm going to help that kind of talks about what we've been talking about. Goals take sacrifice and that's probably the hardest. And one of the biggest enemies to our goals is the sacrifice we're not willing to. To sacrifice to meet our goals. And what coaching does and coaching helps you to see what is the level of sacrifice, how do I sacrifice, how do I remain accountable to that, to reach my goals and to get to the other side to be the best me as possible. And so they help you, they help you to see who should be a part of your circle support. That could include a therapist, it could include a doula, it could include whoever, a career coach, whatever it is. But it helps you to kind of organize that and organize the chaos in your life. I'm really good at organizing chaos and so I would love to organize the chaos in your life and to walk with you with that. And so there's going to be more information on that. But if you want more information, feel free to sign up for a free 15 minute consultation to see if coaching is right for you. Also in capacity, if you're an organization that is looking to do this with your employees, looking to kind of give this well being care to your employees and to help them see and uncover their professional goals as an organization or personally to really help your overall organization, we do that as well. And then we also do coaching for writing and books. If you aspire to be an author and get your first book out there and you just don't know where to start, we are super happy to walk through that with you 100%. Yeah.

It'll be fun, it'll be good and I think it'll be benefit to all of you and there'll be a lot of ways that we're getting the word out to utilize the places we're in and also places we aren't in to use that to spread the gospel. So this is awesome.

Yeah.

So what's your unpaid advertisement today?

That's a good one. My unpaid advertisement is for water. I try to increase my water intake. So I have my handy dandy water bottle right here that I want to be committed to today. But I am going to be powered on water today.

Awesome. I'm happy. I got through a gallon of water on Saturday.

Good for you.

Half a gallon of water on Sunday. And I'm trying to get through a gallon today. Actually. I was proud of myself for that, that I hadn't. You know, when I played football, I usually drink 2 gallons of water a day.

Wow.

I had the big like three and a half gallon thing and I used to drink two gallons of water a day. Like, it was a lot of water, but I mean, I was wearing pads and running and hitting people every day, but I used to drink 2 gallons of water and I would carry it around everywhere for me unpaid. Advertisement continues to be the best thing that the Lord made, and that is coffee. And I'm grateful for coffee. And we have this Christmas blend from Starbucks. And the one thing I really want to get, I was at Starbucks last week and they, they, they, they had a special Starbucks reserve blend. And I was like, you guys have the whiskey barrel age one, right? And I was, they didn't have it. And they're like, what is that? I'm like, it's really only at the one in Seattle, but it is so good. I wish I had that. But anyway, hey, you guys, me are made for Mondays. Mondays. You own your Mondays. Go forward, drink your water, drink your coffee, and don't fall into the trap of everybody else liking you. Have a great day. We'll see you soon.

Bye.