Made For Mondays Podcast - COVID Wellbeing

Well, hey everyone, welcome to Made for Mondays. Justin here once again, and we're engaging on our journey of what it means to own our Mondays, and Mondays don't own us. So I wanted to pause the normalcy of everything we do in terms of our podcast and actually speak to what's going on in the world. And that is COVID 19. And really what's happening to me, and I think what might be happening to you as well, and I'll speak to it is cabin fever. What do you do in the midst of being inside your cabin? And some states are going to complete lockdown, some states are going to go complete quarantines. You cannot leave the space, you cannot leave the home. And so I wanted to bring in a guest, which is my wife, and I'll introduce her in a second to actually talk about well being and what it means to be well in these moments of unrest. But let me give you a couple of quick things and updates. Book I'm finished with and a book I recommend you read is a book called Future Proofed by Natalia Peart. Now, this book is so powerful, I'm not getting paid to talk about it, but I think I will say it's great. It's wonderful. 1 as you know, I'm going through a journey of reading black women only this year. And and so this particular book is written by a black woman. She went to Brown University here in Providence, Rhode Island. It's a powerful, wonderful book that's really, really intentional on how to not necessarily reinvent yourself, but be proofed for the future. And this book actually personally helped me as we went into this quarantine and what it meant to be one with yourself, know who you are, your passions, what you're attempting to work on, what your focus is. So when you get into moments like this, it's just better focus and you're organizing your time and all of that. So that's a book I want to recommend. So today, what we're going to talk about today is COVID 19 and cab fever. And to kind of grill our focus down today, here's where my head is about this. I was recently listening to podcasts from Dr. Caroline Leaf and she was talking about distractions. And it made me think about things in my life about distractions and traction, right? That traction means you're headed in a direction, distractions are making you have that same type of push going in a different direction. You are distracted but creating traction, right? And so in that, it made me think about what it means to really be Curious. My son, in the midst of all this cabin fever is like super into free play because his days at school are so regimented, right? I mean, from from the moment you drop them off to the moment you pick them up, there is. They're just segmented off. And that same thing that happens over the course of life that we get so consumed with being competent that we stop being curious. Right? And I don't want you to get so consumed being so competent that you miss being curious. And I think what's happened is that because we grew up in a world that is wrought on curiosity, when we get to rotten competency, excuse me, that you had to, you had to be good enough to go to a certain school, good enough to test out of that school, good enough to test into a school, good enough to get a scholarship, good enough to do this, that now when your competence doesn't matter, it's your curiosity. And when your work meetings are over, when your business meetings are over, what are you being curious about? And I think that free play has led us to social media. I think that free play has led us to zoom. I think that free play has led us to try to figure things out. And now we're three weeks into this quarantine. What are you doing to keep your curiosity heavy? And then how can you create sustainable practices in your life that will keep that curiosity when you have to go back into a world that's wrought on competency because quiet as is kept, the world is never going to be the same after four weeks of online meetings. Those meetings that literally could have been email are going to be emails. And so I wanted to bring my wife in. She is a wellbeing coach at Business Innovation Factory, working with this amazing program called Luna U which is reaching out to particularly minority women to engage with them in terms of what it means to go from being not a middleman, but being in the gap, to be advocate, being in the gap, to be present with them, to listen to them. And the principles that she does in terms of smart goals, in terms of intentional conversation, in terms of follow up, I think will assist all of us. You may not be pregnant, but the pr remember, it's our principles that keep us, not necessarily the practices. So I want you to hear some of the principles that Courtney has. And if you're a pregnant woman, you can connect with this program. We'll make sure it's in the show notes. But Courtney, I want to bring you into the conversation to talk about sustainable well being in the midst of COVID 19 and cabin fever. So first of all, who are you, where are you from, who are you married to, how hot is he? All of that.

Hi everybody. Thank you so much. Hey, Made for Monday group clan. Thank you so much. I'm happy I get to finally be on the podcast. This is super exciting. Exciting. So yes, my name is Courtney. My daytime job, I work as a well being coach for Business Innovation Factory for this program called Luna U. My my normal job title is a business model, model designer. But what I'm doing right now is intentionally working in the program called Luna U. A little bit about my background. I have a business degree from Fisk University and sociology degree as well. And then I have my master's of social work. So it's always been my goal to combine business with like social entrepreneurship and really having a greater purpose in the work that we do in really bringing purpose out of our everyday communications and how we interact with each other and bring our whole self into every space that we're in. So yeah, and exactly what you're saying. So as well being coach. So Luna U is a maternal well being program and right now we're starting with women in Rhode island that we just research tells us that when you focus on, on your well being, you have better health outcomes. It just point blank, period. And that even though that goes up exponentially if you are an expectant mother, that really makes my job hard because moms especially don't know how to put their well being first or how to really hold fast to having self sustainability.

So what is well being? Because when I hear the word well being, immediately I think about mental health. Right. So if you could give us an explanation or description in terms of what is well being. Because I feel like it's more than just mental health.

Yeah. Mental health is a, is a great part and a big part of your well being. But well being is looking at your whole self and being well in each aspect in areas of that. And so that saying that when you go into a place, right. So let's say you're going into your job after this quarantine is over, you are not just coming in as a person with this job, you're coming in as a parent, you're coming in as whatever hobbies that you like to do, you're coming in as a child to your parents, you're coming in and you're bringing your full self to every role that you're a part of. And I think in prior generations it was required that, you know, you check all that stuff at the Door. I'm sure you've heard all that kind of stuff. But now we're seeing this change in which I holistically just I open with welcome arms is that we're bringing our whole self to every place that we're going. And if you're gonna bring your whole self to every place that you're going, you need to be well. So, well physically, right? So, you know, making sure that we're having proper nutrition, that we're having good sleep, that we're taking care of ourselves, that we're whole mentally, mentally, right. So that, you know, there's some days that you're not going to be feeling well in certain aspects of your life, but that you have the proper outlets to be able to fix those things, that you're emotionally well and, and it's really looking at a holistic view of yourself. And so it's really a look at good self love and how you care for yourself. So well, being is selfish and I want you to be selfish so you can be well. If you're not well, others around you cannot be well.

So I wrestle with selfish, right? And I'm in this whole thing reading scripture, not that there's anything wrong with it, but what is it? How can I be selfish and humble.

And well, yeah, yeah.

How is that possible?

The reason why I say selfish is because we can, we can even show you with just research, especially women, that people in families or groups are not selfish at all. Like we owe ourselves, we have a good bank account of like not being selfish, right? Like whether I just, I feel guilty if I do this. Like mom guilt, that's a part of the bank that is in there. Dad guilt. Just the guilt of feeling being away. If you have elderly parents, I just can't be with them. I know that they're at a high risk group and I know that a lot of adult children are social isolating. So physically distancing, but social isolation, those are two different things. So you can be physically distant, but it's important to not socially isolate, but either. Well, we tend to not put ourselves first in a lot of predicaments because that's faux pas. But if we were to help in a healthy way put ourselves first, we would kind of see a change in our life and our well being.

So is that where you feel that anger or lashing out or sometimes in marriages or even children, unnecessary arguments like. I'm trying to think based on what you're saying and if you're going to be selfish, humble and well, is that where because we're suppressing self care, that it then becomes like, so then you don't care. You never showed up at basketball, you never showed up at this, you never cared about this. You never, you weren't there for me in the room anyway. And you know, I mean all of that.

If you look at it like a bank account, right? You always have. When you're spending out money, you have to have the money in the account, right? The same with overall care and well being with each other. If you look at your well being as your bank account and the more that you take care of yourself, the more your bank account is being padded once. That is your currency to then give out wellness to other people, right? If you are bankrupt, you're overdrafting in other areas. So your bank account for well being might be great at work, it may be great at home, it might be great in your parenting relationships, whatever that may be. But when you're giving out, it has to come from somewhere. It has to come from somewhere. And I think we're overdrawing in places where we have zero well being and we're going into the negative. And when we go into the negative, that's when we start lashing out. That's when we start because we have really nothing to get give, we have nothing to pour out. It's coming back decline. We're not getting the results that we see because it's. We have nothing to give out. And so we really need to pat the account of our well being.

Wow. Well, thanks for that. So, so with all of that, you guys, we're going to go into our points of purpose, of purpose, of what it means to own purpose, to own self, to run into the future. And so Courtney's going to provide for us our three points of purpose and I'll turn it over to you to.

Explain and yeah, yeah. So while we're in this quarantine, I know that on top of all the long list of things that you have to do, from working from home to rearing children to still having community and FaceTime or whatever that might be, these are just a couple of things that I jotted down that are really important that have to be a must to pad your account of well being. So the first being is to find time for yourself at least 30 minutes every day. Now I say find because that might not be easy to some of us. So I need you to relentlessly find time. Find it, find it, find it. Search your schedule. See what you can do. Write down a schedule, but you should find 30 minutes every day. Even if it's to the point where you have to lock yourself in your room, lock yourself in the bathroom. You need time where you're doing something you want to do. If that's just resting, meditating, watching something, whatever that is, whatever will, will benefit your account of well being. Find 30 minutes to get away. At least 30 minutes to at least, I would say an hour, but at least 30 minutes every day for yourself. The next one is to coordinate your schedule. So if you have a significant other or a partner that is in the house with you, or if you are a single parent, or if you're a spouse with a child, it's really important to coordinate your schedules. I know that we're married, so we each have our different schedules that we have and we also have a two year old child. It's important that one person is not the sole homeschool teacher, right? Or one person is not the sole fun time person. It's important for your own sanity during this time to kind of coordinate your schedules, right? So if you're saying, hey, I have all morning meetings, that means like the other parent should have that time blocked off. Where they're the homeschool teacher, where they're the teacher, they're the primary parent, they're doing those things and then a switch and communicating to your child like, this is what this, this is, this is how we're going to do it. This is what we're going to do. Same way children are a lot smarter than what we give them credit for. Having conversations with your children is very important, right? So this is the work that you have set out for you. Mommy or daddy has a meeting between 9 and 10am I'm going to be away, but I want to see what you're doing. I'm here, I'm present. If anything goes wrong, I'm here and I'm present with you. By having that clear conversation with so that you're able to coordinate those times and set expectations and rules of what you want them to do while you're in that time. So that's really, that's really important. The next day thing to do throughout our weeks, because we're going into weeks into this quarantine is to have a freestyle day. Like you said at the beginning of your podcast, that especially children, they're very regimented the throughout throughout the day, right? And you might have a very regimented schedule for work or whatever you may be doing, but it's important to have a freestyle day. A freestyle day means that there's no schedules. There's no set time to do anything. Maybe coordinate this day for a day where you have less meetings or no meetings at all and just give your child to determine what the day will be. Or you just give yourself the freedom to determine what this day will be. Right. Set no intention for the day and do whatever your mind and your body and your soul lead you to do. Right. Not having any type of expectations in it or anything so that there is no guilt at the end of the day. You just had a freestyle day where you did whatever you wanted to do.

Wonderful. Well, thank you, Courtney, for that. I think that's powerful. I think it's so important to unearth curiosity. I have cemented myself on three things. What it means to love, to engage, and to be curious. Right. And it sounds like, well being is really solidifying with that. And I pray all of you who are listening to this were blessed and engaged by that. In terms of being intentional to like, I wrote this statement down to plan to waste time. So that wasted time is not wasted time, it's planned time. Right. And I think we're getting to about having freestyle days. Making sure that you're coordinating schedules is planning. Right. So what would you suggest in terms of like, time blockage? I gotta know what practices you have or practices you suggest that if, like, is it a Saturday thing, is it a Sunday thing, is it a Monday thing? How can we be intentional about our time in terms of. Because everything you mentioned about freestyle days, planning to waste time coordinating schedules, seems like a lot of planning and time blockages. So when should. Or when. What are best practices you suggest on time management?

Yeah. For all my highly organized people who, you know, you just live for a planner, you live for good organization. Definitely. Sunday evenings, I have a good friend. She's a organizer to her heart. Every Sunday evening, she plans the week out that she does. So if that's every beginning of the week that you want to color block your schedule, you can do it on paper if you have like one of those cool planners or a regular planner or. Or you can do it online. Google makes it easy through Google Calendar or Apple Calendar to really color block your schedule. To say, this time is for work and productivity. This time is for free time. This time is for my nap. This time it's for Facebook. Definitely put those things in there. This time is where I'm gonna go shopping for shoes. This time is where I'm gonna do this break up your days and so that you can see the plan and so Like I think what you said is it's not wasted time if you plan your time. So plan it. If you're like me a daytoday, a day to day schedule. So beginning of the day is writing down that schedule and going over that schedule. Your schedule is your map of what you're, where you're going and how you're doing it. And so if you have this and it's telling everybody like this is my day, this is my schedule. Of course things are subjected to change, but try to keep that and try to keep healthy boundaries.

I think also with that, I guess one of the things I've struggled with, I think I've mentioned that to you guys before is I put a to do list together and I feel like I failed if I don't finish everything in my to do list. Yeah. And it seems like it's from what I'm hearing from you to be well, it is absolutely okay to not complete everything in your to do list.

Absolutely. One of my favorite sayings that I have with when I used to work at a university with some of my employees if you don't get it done today, guess what, Lord willing you can do it tomorrow.

That's so true.

There is none of us the fact that you are at home quarantining meaning that you are a non essential job. And I'm not saying that you're not an essential person. You're a very essential person. But that means that you have a non essential job. That means that if we don't get things done today, we can do it tomorrow. So free yourself in that thinking that everything has to be done by today. Of course things have deadlines, things and those are the things that you should prioritize. Do the hard stuff first, do the stuff that does have those deadlines, do those things first. But you know what? There's always another day.

Not mistaking. I think it's something we've said on here before. It's not mistaking what's urgent over what's important.

Yeah.

Right. And all that. Well, thank you. How can. So if someone wants to get in contact with you, let's say they wanted to learn more about bif. Learn more about you. Let's say they have a family member or they are someone who might be eligible. So what, what is. How can we get to you? Social media stuff, website stuff, blogosphere, all of that.

Yeah. So you can simply. So my email is just courtneyunayou.com or courtney@businessinnovationfactory.com youm can also find me online@lunayou.com and right now I am offering 20 minute free coaching calls for women who are expecting. So if you would love to be a part of that, either go to lunau.com or just email me@courtneyu.com and we can connect with you. I'm on all platforms from Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and Instagram and you can find me on those respective places. And I'm also part of Cabinet Street Baptist Church and you can find me on there as well. But yeah, Luna you.com everywhere. But wellness is really important. I hope that people, you know, get that.

Awesome. And then you just have a blog that come out too.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. So I have a blog that came out through Luna you. It's mostly about maternal health, but we talked our last past vlog about postpartum and especially women of color in postpartum and how your well being like shoots to zero that some women of color don't get zero services as it relates to their mental health, especially having a baby. So it's hard before a pandemic. So during a pandemic it's probably going to be even worse. So if you know anybody that is expecting in 2020, especially in Rhode island, please send them my way because I would love to walk alongside them and be their well being coach for free. So reach out.

Awesome. Well, thank you guys for tuning in to make for Monday. Thank you Courtney for being here with us today to engage with us. And so I want to, I wrote this down and affirmation I want to begin to add to the end of our Made for Mondays as you guys go into the week to affirm you. So you can affirm yourself. You can hold this over to yourself, whatever it is. And I think every time I say it to myself, I think about yoga, music, like, you know, just that, like all of that, right? So this is affirmation. I want to give you guys as the light of me honors the lighting you. If you just say this in your car, say this wherever you are, just say this. Say, I am me.

I am me.

I can be my best me.

I can be my best me.

No one can stop me.

No one can stop me.

I am me.

I am me.

I want you to walk into the week knowing that you are you. You can be the best you. No one can stop you because you are you. You are a gift to the world no matter where you are. You are a gift to the world no matter who's rejected that gift. You are a gift to the world and your existence is a blessing every place you go into. So thank you again to court. I pray you guys have a great week. The light in me honors delight in you. Have a wonderful, wonderful Monday. You were made for this.