Permission to Live Your Life Without Stress EYV80

Hello and welcome to the Empower Your Voice Podcast. My name is Nancy Bos and I am your host. I'm so glad you're here. I'm so glad you're here to empower your voice or to learn how to empower other people's voices through your work. We do fantastic things when we believe in ourselves, when we truly believe that we're on the right track and we're doing what we can do to make the world a better place. My goal for this podcast and actually everything I do as a professional speaker on the topic of Empower Your Voice is to help people understand that they can overcome all fear about using their voice and use their voice authentically with integrity, but without fear. It's possible for all of us. Today's episode is a follow-up on last week. I did a solo episode on focus, how it helps to focus. If your energy isn't scattered, then you can actually have more success in the area that you're trying to empower, in the most important area. But then I had a conversation with Laura Morlando, and that's who you're going to hear from today. Laura has some different ideas about how focus works based on her incredible experience with her father's cancer, being the wage earner for the family, and then her eventual diagnosis with autoimmune disorders that she's still working on today. She's worked in corporate America, she's been a coach, and now she's got an amazing message to share with you about how to optimize your— I'm not going to say focus this time, I'm going to let her describe what this means— but how to optimize your career moving forward, your purpose moving forward even during the most trying times. So Laura is the Stress Commando, that's her title, and she helps professionals and businesses network stress-free. She's not a fan of traditional networking, so she developed a system for stress-free networking. She helps people work stress-free. Can you imagine being in optimal flow, your parasympathetic system working for you during work all the time without stress? That's her job. And then she also has a side hobby hustle where she helps people look stress-free so they can be more effective and confident. She's the founder and CEO of Down and Dirty Networking. She has trained over 150,000 people over the last 19 years. She knows her stuff. Here is Laura Morlando.

Hello, Laura.

It is so awesome to have you on Empower Your Voice.

Woo! Yeah, I'm so glad to be here. Thanks for having me.

Absolutely. We're gonna have fun.

Absolutely.

When I met you very, very recently, I realized that you have an incredibly valuable backstory and purpose for my audience, for my Empower Your Voice audience. And so I'm eager to share that with them and have you share your wisdom. Can you start by telling us a little bit about your backstory, where you've come from to get where you are today?

Absolutely. And I'm so glad to be here. And I, I have to say, I love the title of this podcast, Empower Your Voice. So thank you for doing that and giving us permission to empower our voices, because to be honest, that's not permission I gave myself. Yeah. And so that's kind of where my story leads, is the evolution of one recognizing I didn't need permission to, to have a voice. Unless I gave it to self. So if anyone's listening and they're waiting for permission, permission granted.

There it is.

Permission granted. Permission granted. You now have permission to unleash your voice. Uh, so that's number one. But then number two, I was always told not to do that. You know, as a female in the minority, you do a good job, you be better than anybody else just to be considered average, and you just keep moving forward and you keep moving forward. Now, the moving forward piece is the best advice ever, and I highly recommend using that. But everything else, to be blunt, is crap. And just, just ignore that. It doesn't serve you. It's not healthy. It's not productive. And that's what I had to learn. And so here's a little bit to answer the question of the backstory. So I have two trajectory-changing moments in my life that have defined who I am today, and not because I'm defined by them, but because the lessons that I learned evolved me through those experiences. And so the first trajectory changing moment was when I was in corporate America. I did all the things, climbing the corporate ladder, checking all the boxes. So I hear how your audience is doing the same thing. They're checking all the boxes to be either the star performer, key speaker, or whatever their dream or goal is. I was doing that.

Yeah.

And then in the middle of all of that, my father got diagnosed with a very rare form of cancer. I don't believe this was a coincidence because he got diagnosed when he was the most stressed out in his life.

And did you tell me that you were, you were somewhat responsible for the family finances during that time?

Absolutely. I became the financial breadwinner. My mother became the physical caregiver, and my brother was in college and trying to just stay afloat. And so what really transpired is my father's brain changed and his attitude towards everything changed. The things that mattered, the things that were stressing him out no longer mattered. And as a result of what I believe, this is just my opinion, not medical advice, but my opinion is because he shifted and released the stress and had a more healthy, caring trying, loving, self-care attitude, he outlived the odds. He was told he was already at the life expectation at diagnosis, so we weren't really expecting him to make it to the end of the year, which would have been 3 months away. He was diagnosed in late October, November. So we're thinking, wow, here we are, it's, you know, the end. But my dad lasted 4 years and had a small remission in the middle, and I believe it is because of the choices he made to choose his mindset. And therefore choose his actions. And so in the middle of all that, in the remission of it all, I lost my job. And so I felt, okay, opportunities that are around me, what are— what's available? And I had 3 options, and I chose the one with the most money, and it moved me far away. Um, 4 months after I moved far away, making the money I needed to be the breadwinner and live far away, I was in California, so I was affording all of the things. I can say, yay, I've had the paycheck, whoopee. But okay, I'm there. The day that I got laid off was the day that I got a phone call from my mom that my dad's cancer was back, and I didn't have the heart to tell her I didn't have a job.

That must have been an incredible, incredibly powerful, awful moment when you, you'd gotten laid off from the tech job in California, right? And your mom calls and says By the way, this is the worst case scenario for your dad.

Yeah, I remember being on the side of the road and, and I was helping my then boyfriend navigate his first day on the job. Wow. In an environment he was highly uncomfortable in.

What a pivot.

And so all three things were happening at the same time. And I believe this is where I earned my PhD in stress and where the stress commando was being forged. Uh, and so this is where I believe that. And so I knew that once my father's situation was resolved, I was gonna need to really adjust my life because I am my father's daughter. I inherited more than his curly hair. I actually had the same work ethic. I was seeing a reflection of my future if I didn't change my ways. I knew that and I appreciated the gift of early awareness.

Wow.

So I could make adjustments in that moment. So I did. And that's what created the pivot into entrepreneur land, starting my own business and helping other people combat stress one solution at a time.. And I did that. Keep helping people have permission granted, keep things simple so that they could find the joy in their day. They could be like me. I love to burn the candle at both ends. Truth be told, my father used to tell me that and I'd get very defiant. Like, no, I don't. Okay. No. Yeah, I do.

I do.

I really do. I like burning the candle at both ends. But what I have learned to do is not run out of wick and wax. And what I try to help people do is to not run out of wick and wax so they can keep being them. If That's their natural tendency, like me. So fast forward, I did that for 16 years. It was great. Then poof, I get a diagnosis of my own and it's two autoimmunes and Lyme. And so now all of a sudden, and it wasn't all of a sudden, it was gradual, but I had, I found myself in a situation in 2017 where I could no longer work outside of the home. I could no longer be the keynote speaker. I could no longer travel and do the things that I was doing and being a corporate trainer All of that was gone.

Yeah, because now disorders, a lot of times they take daily attention. Like, you can't just trust a restaurant diet, you can't trust an 18-hour day can do you in. So yeah, it's a much more careful lifestyle.

It is, it can be. And in my situation, because I did such a great job of trying to be healthy and get rid of migraines and some of the symptoms I was experiencing, I masked the root cause, which is why it took so long for them to actually diagnose me. So once you've let something sit, run amok in your body, it's going to take some time to unwind it. Now, I thought time meant 30 days, maybe 60, maybe 90. I would not expect 6 years and counting as of this month. This is beyond testing my patience. But I will say I've made progress and I've moved forward. Remember, move forward is the piece I told you that matters. So I had to pivot and reevaluate what do I want to do, what What do I love doing and how do I love doing it? And so I had to really adjust how I approached things because the very simple things that I was teaching everybody, the things that I was using and implementing, no longer was simple enough. My brain and my cognitive function could not manage that.

Wow.

And so I was burning the candle at both ends in a very different way, much slower burn. And I was like, okay, now the things that I could rely on that were no longer available to me How do you adjust? So I had to really refocus what it was that was important, what my purpose was, and how I executed it. And so I've learned a lot of really great skills that I love to share with people, especially in this state of overwhelm that so many people are, are in right now, you know, post-pandemic. I'm like, hey, I've been here for a while. Let me, let me share what I've learned. Let me shorten your learning curve, and you can duplicate some of these things to find that thriving moment and still balance what you need to heal yourself.

Awesome. Thank you for that story. It's— it's— I would love to hear more of that story, but instead we need to move on. And you just gave me a great segue because, um, last week's episode of Empower Your Voice was a solo episode where I talk about focus. And when you and I are chatting just now, we realize that— or I realized that everybody's got a somewhat different definition. Like, what I said might not have been the way another person would receive it. And so that's why I'm super excited to have you here, is to talk about energy management and focus. And what do you see as the problem that most people are running into that everybody could relate to?

So what I found out early on, trajectory number 1, focus was what was the goal. So it was a lot of tangible monetary things. How much money did I want to make? How many people did I want to impact? All of those things. Be singularly focused. And if it's to get the speaking gig, if it's to get the new client, be singularly focused on that thing until you've gotten that thing. Okay, go, go, go, do the things to get you there. That was my definition of focus.

Cool.

My definition today is a little bit different. It's evolved. So where my focus is now is like, it was hard to focus on one thing.

It wasn't natural to you, and you're, you're, you're, you, you want to burn the candle on both ends.

Yeah. And so I like having multiple ideas. I'm a big idea person. Ideas come easy for me. It's why as a marketing consultant, It's just easy for me to help people. But all of a sudden it wasn't easy anymore and my brain was just lost. And I struggled with being able to even comprehend a conversation like we're having right now, where if you're familiar with the Peanuts characters, all I would hear, no matter how much I focus, no matter how much I— wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. That's it. That's all I heard. Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.

That's it.

That's all I heard. And I'm like, oh, Nancy, I'm paying attention. I promise I'm not letting my brain wander. There's no pinball head. And yet I couldn't. Catch what you were saying. And so I was like, man, you've got to be kidding me right now. So I've had to really realize, number one, if I was in that moment, the focus was wrong. The focus was not to be present and in this conversation, though yes, it was doing it. The focus was, hmm, I shouldn't be having these conversations at this time. I need to be focusing on rest and recovery. I need to be focusing on healing so I can power up and then do the things that I want to do and burn the candle. It's Wix creating, it's, you know, Wick and Wax creating time right now. And so I realized that what normally I could recharge in an hour, worst case scenario a day, uh, no, it was going to take some time. And so I had to kind of put myself on sabbatical, which for someone who blows and goes, that was really, really hard. But what I had to realize was, okay, I, I was kind of like grasping, there needs to be something to do. Well, rest is doing.

Mm-hmm.

Rest is taking care of. And so I started redefining focus. Okay. It's not the thing that I'm attaining, it's the fact that I'm moving forward. So for me to move forward in my business, I needed my health to be stabilized. For me to stabilize my health, I need rest. So me resting is actually moving my business forward. Me resting is allowing me to show up for my family the way I choose to show up. If I'm not resting, I'm not moving that forward. So that's not being selfish. That's necessary. So that was my focus. And it was a broad enough topic because rest can mean a lot of different things. Rest is not just, is not just sleep. There's a lot of other pieces to it. And so I had to realize the activities of rest, whatever was under that umbrella, all counted. And it was whatever was important for me in that moment. And so as I learned that, as the concept of that with regards to rest, the concept of having an umbrella focus, an umbrella purpose. As long as I'm moving forward, doesn't matter if it's a half step, doesn't matter if it's a whole step for my musicians out there, or if I'm running or just barely dragging my feet. It doesn't matter. It's still forward.

Yeah.

And so as I've been able to progress and be able to say, okay, let's try doing these conversations. Can I not get lost in my head? Can I comprehend what's happening? Okay, what can I do?

Yeah.

And keep asking the questions, what can I do? And then there are certain things I'm like, no, I can't do that yet. Embrace can't. Can't do that yet. Yet. Notice the yet's after. Okay, well, I can't do that, but what can I do? Yes. And what moves me forward and what serves me in this moment? I may love this great shiny object idea that's popping in my head, and I'm super excited. Those ideas are back in my brain because they were gone for a while. So, okay, they're back in my head. Okay, can my body cash the checks that my brain is writing yet? No, not, not yet. But okay, which What part of it can I cash? Oh, can't cash any of this. Okay. When can I cash this? Okay. I can cash this when I'm able to do X, Y, Z. Great. Let's put that on the parking lot. Okay. Next. And it was okay for me to prioritize things based on what I was physically doing. So it wasn't an issue of can't based on fear or can't based on lack of capability. Or, uh, when you're saying empowering your voice, feel empowered to do it and, and do all that.

Mm-hmm.

Empowered to listen when I need to slow down before I can speed up again. Yeah, I love it. And that's the piece that was so backwards from what I would normally have said and what I would normally have shared with everybody else. And I think everyone listening can probably relate because we've done that with the pandemic. Everyone had to slow down, forced into it. Yes, forced into it. It's why we had, you know, the great resignation and we're having all these things. But people reassessed and said, oh my gosh, I don't have to do this anymore. And so everyone's focus adjusted. So I would encourage people as they're thinking about focus, is realizing it's your definition and it's not necessarily on a tangible thing. So I, I just saw a post. So is it okay if I share the post that I saw? Oh yeah.

Talk to us about that post that you just saw. Yeah.

So this post that I saw today, serendipitous for our conversation. All right. It was on LinkedIn. And so it was from the perspective. So if you were looking through the camera through my eyes and all you see are my hands and you see a hockey stick and you see a whole bunch of toys in front of me, and then there's only one hockey puck amongst all the toys and balls. On the other end, in the far end of the screen is going to be a goal. And we're inside a house somewhere. So it's a goal. And there is a German Shepherd razor focused on what I—

German Shepherd. Those are big dogs.

Yeah, it's a big dog. It's a cute dog. I love German Shepherds. That's my dog. So there's— look at this dog. So it's why it stopped my scroll. I'm like, okay, what is this? So I'm looking and it's on LinkedIn, so therefore it's got to be something, you know, more business related. So I was, I was intrigued and the whole topic was focus, having the right focus. So I was paying attention. And so this dog is razor sharp and the image of the video, the owner is just flicking different toys. They're all going into the goal. That dog doesn't flinch. That dog doesn't look. That dog is just sitting there razor sharp focused on one object. It's not until towards the very end, and I mean several toys get tossed into the goal. We've got maybe 3, 4 toys left, and finally the owner hits the hockey puck. Once the, once the owner hits the hockey puck, that's the time the dog reacts, catches it in his mouth, and he rolls off screen. He's happy he got the hockey puck that he was focused on. On. Now, it was a cute video. I loved it. I was like, oh, you could train that, that dog well. I'm so impressed. But it was the conversations below that post that I was most intrigued with. One, some people interpreted that video as, that's how you have to focus on your goal. You just let everything else be distraction, which is what the post was saying, that everything else is a distraction. Just focus on the one thing you want. Prior me would totally agree with that. That's how I operated. But then there was a gentleman that commented, and he says, I have ADHD. He goes, and focusing actually makes my brain wander and makes me crazy. That's not how my brain works. And so he proceeds to give a great explanation of how his brain works, how he's been able to, uh, move forward with the brain that he has. And then people started jumping in, oh, this is the best definition and this is what I've heard. And then I started really listening to this and saying, yeah, the way my brain works now too, I've had to change. So what I realized in that moment is where my definition really has evolved to which is focus is the umbrella statement. It's not the singular thing, but our jobs is to unlock what works for us. And it may change over time. Yeah. Mine has changed a little bit. I still burn the candle at both ends. That's still me. I'm still me with curly hair. That's not gonna change. I can straighten my hair. It's still me with curly hair. And so, but, but the way that I burn the candle at both ends is going to be different. The way that I interpret is focused for me now to be able to continue moving forward, that's going to be different, and that's okay. You can evolve. And so I really loved that perspective. But here's a really cool alternate way to look at that video. There was a comment made, and it was something I thought of right away. Think of all of the, the goals that that dog allowed to have happen because that dog was so focused on the hockey puck, missed all those other opportunities for softer toys. Softer toys or something better. And that's something I have consistently told people. I remember when I first got into coaching, I, I, I had a very specific way of doing things. And somebody asked me, um, outside of the realm of the way I was coaching them, if I would coach them outside of that. I'm thinking, I'm not gonna coach you for free. This is my interpretation of hearing this. I make that statement to my coach. My coach says, Laura, They're not asking you to coach for free. They're just asking if they can create another avenue. You do know you can charge them, right? Never even, never even entered my brain. I was like, whoa. And that's before all the cognitive issues. I was like, whoa, I didn't even enter my brain. And she goes, you know what's happening? She says, here's what you're doing. This is the exercise that I think explains focus better, is that you put your hands up like this. So you've got your hands, palms face up, and you've got 'em in a clenched fist, and you're just holding onto the idea that everything has to be the way that you're thinking it. It's gotta be all the checklist. And I come up to you and I say, okay, Nancy, I've got $1,000 for you. I'd like to put it in your hands. Can I put it in your hands when you've got two fists clenched tightly? No, no. They're like, well, I've got $1,000 for it. You're gonna go— you have to open your hands to allow the opportunity a place to land. And so I realize now that I have to be open to certain ideas. And so as I'm redefining my business, and my focus was to love what I do the way that I do it and who I do it with, I may have an idea of what that looks like, but I need to be open to the opportunities, the other toys that are gonna be thrown my way. I'm like, oh hey, this works. It's still moving me forward. It's not moving me over to, you know, left-hand turn in Albuquerque like Bugs Bunny used to say. It's still moving me forward. Great, I like that better. Let's do that. And I feel like, to your point, I think there's a lot of opportunities that could be overlooked, lessons, evolutions, things that we need because we're so locked in with our hands clenched in a fist, we don't even realize what's being given to us.

Right.

So it's interesting when you get into talking about focus, it's not just the one thing. Yes, there are moments when that needs to happen, but there are other moments, as long as you're moving forward, that's good, that's great. Be open to the journey, be open to the experience, and be open to the lessons that are available to you.

So I, I guess I, I love what you said, I hear your message, and yet it doesn't speak to me. And so I think part of your message is probably that we're different. Yes, that different people work in different ways.

And that's what I loved about that post, is that the way the person that posted it, that worked for him. Great, do that. It moves you forward. He unlocked that. That's for him what makes him move forward. For the other gentleman, he needed to do something different, and he saw the missed opportunities. Great. That unlocked for you. It's still focus and it moves him forward. I got to see both perspectives and see a little bit of me in both of them.

Yeah. Okay.

So for me, I'm moving forward this way. So my per— my point here is the word focus isn't on a singular thing. It's on the umbrella statement. How you execute on it is unique to you. So for you, what I'm hearing is you do need to be focused on a singular thing to execute.

Well, I, I love that you went back to the umbrella because what I realized is I used to have at least 5 umbrellas. And now I've got one umbrella. And when I have that one umbrella and, and everything falls within the same general category, I am much more successful at moving forward. 20%, you know, for 5 different umbrellas, or 100% for one. So that might be where our language is crossing a little bit.

And I think that's, that's exactly right. I think that's how I, I take it. So for me, because I like— I do like having multiple things The umbrella for me is helping you live stress-free. I have 3 ways that I do that. I've had coaches all my life tell me you need one way.

I hear you.

I'm like, I'm like, I do, but do you know me? And so I struggled for years trying to figure out, as I'm being told what my identity should be, and I'm like, but that just didn't fit. It didn't feel right for me. So I recognize for some a singular identity works. I realize that other things work for other people. But what I have generally found true for most as a great starting point is what's the umbrella statement? Then fill in the blanks. So it's like, it's like doing a jigsaw puzzle and you do the outer edge of the puzzle and then you fill in the middle. Everyone can do the edge. How you choose to fill in the middle, that's unique to you.

Cool.

That's where you get to have fun and personalize it. So I hope that broadens it a little bit better, makes it more applicable for both of us. So does that work? I love it.

Yes, absolutely. One of the things that I'm gonna enjoy talking to you about in the future is— well, let's just take 2 minutes about it now, maybe 5, because it's us. And that is the idea of rest. And what I realized while you were talking about rest is that my body right now is in excellent condition. I'm strong, I'm healthy, heart's great, no diseases that I'm aware of. And one of my favorite activities is rock climbing. So I've learned about myself that I can use my noggin, my brain, about 20 to 25 hours of focused work a week. And so that expectation of 40 hours a week does not work for me. And for me, rest doesn't mean laying on the couch. For me, rest means resting my brain. And I'm going to do that with rock climbing or with biking or with hiking, chatting with friends. So my rest isn't physical rest, it's mental rest. Does that kind of fit into what you know? And you're dealing with the opposite where your body is really needing to re-energize the mitochondrial situation. And so that would be a physical rest where your brain might still be ready to fire away. Am I got that?

It's actually both, but you're right on that. I've had to realize there's difference between physical and cognitive rest. And when my brain is brain fogged and tired, I have to do— I have to completely shut everything down.

Okay.

And so rest in that space is not being on a laptop or on my phone doing work while I'm watching the television, but my legs are up. Yeah, my brain's still firing. That's not brain rest. That might be kind of physical rest, but if my brain is tired and my brain is just churning out and really trying to keep me upright, well, physically I'm going to tank in energy anyway. So that's really not the best thing. And so for you to have mental rest, physical stimulation works for you. That's— that is then for you a definition of rest. I had nothing about— and that's great. I love hearing that. I used to be that person. Yeah, for me, up until 6 months ago, I wasn't able to do any physical activity. I couldn't even work out. My doctors told me not to. I didn't produce any ATP. It would tank me 100%. Tank me.

Wow.

And I'd be just everything. I mean, yes, adrenals, all the things. Believe me, I've had it all. They're watching it. And it would just take me. I'm like, you've got to be kidding me. I'm getting so mushy right now. I can't just be a slug on the sofa. There has to be something else we can do. And I followed what they told me to do. Rest is also eating well, thinking well. Surrounding myself and managing energy. I'm very sensitive to energy. And before I could really put a Teflon armor to make sure I didn't absorb it— I'm a highly sensitive person and an empath. And so I will sense everybody's energy. And as an introvert, when I don't have physical energy for that, I'm going to retreat because you just took the last bit of energy I had and I'm out. I'm tapping out. And so I had to realize how to manage energy differently because before before I could just power on. I mean, that's the worst thing you can do. That's not rest. It's not kind to power on. I, I realized that I— that no longer serves me, and I no longer can do it. I can't get away with it anymore, and it wasn't good for me to do anyway. So rest is whatever I need in that moment. So is it that phone call with friends? Is it feeling connected? Is it getting off that island of alone, like I say, with Down and Dirty Networking? Or is it I just need to watch something that doesn't make me think? Something on television that is so ridiculous that everyone would laugh at me. I don't care. I just need something to get my mind off of the things that I'm doing.

Do you have a favorite? Mine, mine, mine is this British sitcom called Derry Girls, which is high school girls in the 1980s in the UK, and it's super light. And so that's my favorite zoning out, that and Ghosts.

I love Ghosts. My husband and I love Ghosts. We love watching that. The shameless one that I watch, and I can't believe I'm admitting this.

Come on, tell us, tell us, tell us.

So no judgment, but ever since I was a young kid, my friends and I always watched General Hospital. So popular. So we always watched General Hospital. I remember I used to live— the first high school I went to, I lived across the street, so people would come over and we would watch what was going on. And so when I was having to figure out what to do with myself, I was like, what can I watch? And anything I put on was too much for me. The things that I could count on, like, go— some would have been too much for me early on. I was like, this is ridiculous. And so I just started just chancing. I'm like, huh, General Hospital's on. I put that on, I'm like, what the heck's going on? And they were having the 30th reunion, they were bringing all the '80s people back, and I was just like, this is hilarious. Look at Anna Devane, oh my gosh, look at Luke Spencer. And so then what I learned is things that are nostalgic actually are stress relievers. Wow. And so it wasn't until later that I realized why. And I mean, yeah, I would do— I wasn't— I was kind of half paying attention, or it didn't matter, but it was something that if I, if I missed it, it wasn't the end of the world, or my brain didn't catch something, and I would just laugh. But I feel like it was probably the nostalgia more than anything that probably worked for me. Um, it wasn't until about a year ago that I was able to start listening to music again, and I love music. I love pretending I can sing to it. I love dancing to it. For 6 years I haven't been able to dance or even move anything without it triggering significant pain. So my goal is to get back to dancing again. So it'll happen. It'll happen. But I've been finally able to listen to music again and want to listen to music and be able to tune into my creative side listening to music, which were all the things I used to be able to do. So I'm super excited that that's come back. Um, but I mean, those are just things that I'm saying back to what we're talking about focus-wise. You just have to tap in, be self-aware, and unlock what works for you. And there's no wrong answer. It's whatever you need in that moment to keep moving forward.

You mentioned that you've got 3 different things that you work on with your clients. Can you give a little bit of insight of how your work unfolds?

Yeah, so I love helping people work stress-free, network stress-free, and look stress-free.

Okay.

And so one of the things, and I'll start with the network stress-free first. So the, the first thing there is, so 2017 to about 2019, so about 2 years straight, all of the organizations I was associated with, everything that I used to do to kind of fill myself up, I wasn't seeing anybody. I couldn't get out of the house. And I didn't— and I'm, I'm an introvert. I love being homebound. Oh, I was miserable. I felt so isolated.

Wow.

Yeah, because it was— I, I there was no talking to people on the phone. They were running to their things and doing their fun stuff. And, and then I didn't have the cognitive wherewithal to even have a conversation. I didn't even have the desire to have the conversation despite suffering with the isolation of not having the conversation. It was really a double-edged sword. And so I was truly on that island of alone. And so I started rethinking about how I could take all of the networking workshops, trainings I had been doing for the past 16 years. What could I change that into? And what I came up with was instead of creating a course or teaching more people about what I call is the second way of networking, relational networking. I was like, let me just give everyone the experience, and then shamelessly I get to be connected. But let me just let people really experience it. It's what I always did in my workshops. It was effective. Let's do that. Well, everyone loved the idea. Yay, Laura, you do it! But no one was really behind it until quarantine. Yes. All of a sudden, I'm— my phone's blowing up, and people are like, Laura, are you launching the thing? Are you doing the thing? You're doing the thing? So poof, I launched the thing. And so Down and Dirty Networking launched, and it is a 100% relational community to help people get off the island of alone.

Wow.

If you want an easy button and you want to be able to leverage the brainpower of other people and have a meaningful conversation without any fluff. So we, we are cutting the fluff. So there's no speakers, there's no 30-second commercials, no sales pitches, no feeling smarmy, awkward. If you're an introvert, you don't know what to say, don't worry about it. We curate everything. We do the heavy lifting. You just enjoy meaningful conversations. And oh my gosh, you might actually love what you're doing.

Um, because most people hear networking, they're like, oh yes, I don't want to do that.

And that's what people told me, and that was the physical response that I heard when I would ask people before I launched it. And so I take that, uh, whatever you want to quantify it, I take that all out and make sure that you love it. So that's Down and Dirty Networking, helping people be able to leverage relational networking in the community. But also, I'm starting this relational networking movement so that people can use this outside. The tools and the conversation starters that we use are effective with your kids, with your other co-workers, with your colleagues out in your day, and just to really refresh your mindset on how to create connectedness and belonging and get off that island of alone. And when you consider that Cigna has deemed loneliness an epidemic that's going to continue to get worse, an epidemic that's costing businesses $154 billion a year—

wow—

it's something worth paying attention to. Um, I think the stat from Harvard Business Review was that over half of U.S. adults are defining themselves as lonely.

It's 58%.

And so I feel like the antidote to that, that the, the actual life raft off that island of alone is the networking and doing it with relational networking. So that's where I help there. Uh, and then with the Work Stress Free, I've got a couple of groups that help people navigate the virtual space. But what I really love doing there, what most people hire me for, is to help them with their overwhelm and their total disorganized junk drawers of their marketing solutions, ideas, and they don't know what to do and they've got analysis paralysis. How do I move forward as a business?

Fantastic.

How do I do it in a way that I love what I do, who I do it with? And so I help people there from their— from a marketing and sales.

I'm just seeing you like in, in an evil enchanted forest holding their hand and walking them through all the dead black trees. And we can do this, we can do this. And they come out to this sunny, bright paradise.

That's exactly what it was. In fact, I was on a client meeting earlier and, and we were talking about this and She says, Laura, you know the difference between what you do and other marketing people? She says, you actually empower people, to use your word.

Yeah.

She goes, you empower 'em. I don't tell them what to be because I already told you I had people telling me what I should be, what they interpreted me to be versus aligning me with who I am and creating a linear model for me to be the person I am and thrive in that space.

Authentic.

I am.

Yeah.

I am not going to tell you what to do.

Yeah.

I'm gonna listen to what you tell me. And then from that, say, okay, here are some suggestions. Which one sound resonates more? Here's what I'm hearing, here's what I'm saying, and let's create, let's create it, let's create what you love. And so it's a very different approach. It's what I call the Alignment Method, so that it can align with you and it can, you can scale and grow. Uh, and yeah, authentic is very important in that space, and then having authentic and lasting relationships and networking. So it, it's who I am, it's just how, it's just how I operate.

Nice. And then number 3.

So the Look Stress Free is more my side hustle and, and used to be more of a focus. But ultimately what I realized is all 3 help people be more confident and effective. Right. And it's so interesting when you have skin insecurity, you don't want to be— you want to go out into the public. And I cannot believe that's a term. It's actually a term. And there was a study that was just done that people that have skin insecurity, 48%— actually, no, 79% of the people will cancel going to an important event because they don't feel they look the best. And so for me to be having a side hustle that's in the cosmetic beauty business, that's laughable. That's just hilarious. But what I am doing now is it's Microbiome Clean. And when you think about what I'm doing in my health journey, I had barely even heard the word microbiome.

Yeah.

And I, I kind of knew what it was. I, I think most people have probably seen a couple yogurt commercials where they talk about gut health.

Yes.

Well, gut health is what they're referring to, the microbiome. It's the balance of the good and bad bacteria. Here's the piece I did not know. I did not know we have more than one microbiome.

Okay.

I did not know that the microbiome is like our second brain.

Yeah.

A lot of the fear and anxiety that people have, or the fear and anxiety I have for stage presence and what have you, might be because of the things I ate just before, because that throws my, my gut microbiome out of whack. But what I didn't know is we have a skin microbiome. We have a microbiome of the mouth, and this one even blows my mind even more. We have a microbiome of our scalp, and every single hair strand has a separate and unique microbiome.

Oh, oh wow.

And the microbiome that's here exists nowhere else on the body.

Wow. Wow.

And so I was like, okay, that's fascinating, but what does that mean actually? And so what it is is just a simple system that is microbiome clean. So with the autoimmune, my skin will freak out. So I was representing another company that had gone out of business. Months after my diagnosis. So everything just kind of happened all at once. But in that moment, I'm a cosmetic rep, and I had what I called bipolar skin. I had eczema from the eyes down, flaky. I looked like I had put makeup over cornflakes. There was nothing I could do about it. But from here up, I looked like I was a teenager with breakout zits all over. There wasn't a clear patch of skin. I was so embarrassed. And so with this microbiome, not only is it simpler because I was doing 10,000 steps, so I went from like soap and water girl to billion thousand steps that I couldn't sustain, and with my brain, I couldn't remember anymore. So now I'm down to 5 steps. That's it. And anytime something happens, it can control the flare-up because I've balanced the microbiome with pre and probiotics. And it's like, this is fantastic. Oh, and there's microbiome hair care and microbiome makeup, so I don't have to worry about any of the itchiness or any of the toxins. Got it. So for me, it works because I don't wanna do anything that's gonna harm my body or hormone disruptors that are an issue with the autoimmune. So for me, that's a side hustle. And there are my past clients and other people experiencing like, Laura, I need something simple, safe, and effective. And I love that I'm not using toxins. So that's the side hustle to help people feel empowered to be confident again and to not have that skin insecurity. So if I can give them that less stress that they're feeling good about how they look in their skin with or without makeup, men or women, great, then you're going to be able to show up and have greater impact.

Awesome. Thank you for sharing all that. It sounds like there's lots of reasons why people might want to get in touch with you for these different, uh, focuses that you have. So thank you so much, Laura, for being on the show and for sharing the message about focus and what, what's focus, what's not, what's stress, what's rest. I just love everything you've shared with us.

Well, thank you for allowing the space. And, and remember, I give— I've given it to you if you're listening to this. Permission granted. Go shine your light, don't dim your light, and then give yourself permission to focus, rest, whatever you need to do, but keep moving forward. I am cheering you on always.

Beautiful. Wow, what an impactful message Laura has. There was a lot there and it went by fast, so I do recommend listening to this episode again. Consider how stress and focus work optimally in your life? What's the best thing for your setup, for your personality? I don't think I need to add anything more though. She, she nailed this. So please follow Laura Morlando on the different things that she's got on the Linktree link that is here in the, uh, in the podcast notes. You can find her of course on LinkedIn and Facebook. She puts great stuff out there. Also me, Nancy E. Bos, is where you'll find me on all the social medias. And until next week, I hope you're living your best life, that you're starting to look at those subconscious saboteurs that interrupt your flow. We want to take those out, get rid of them, so that you too can empower your voice to never speak from a place of fear, but always feel like your authentic and integral message is coming out through your voice. That's all for today. Thank you very much. Bye-bye.