Ep #220: The 4 Most Toxic Over-Simplified Pieces Of Career Advice Deconstructed

Hello, hello, and welcome to the Get a Six-Figure Job You Love and Thrive podcast. This is Natalie Fisher, and this is episode 220, I believe. So stay tuned. Welcome to the Get a Six-Figure Job You Love and Thrive podcast, where I, Natalie Fisher, am teaching you weekly how to land your premium role that you love and thrive in it. Let's go. Hello, hello. So today I wanted to talk to you about something I'm really passionate about, and It comes in, I think, not just in our careers, but everywhere. And that is 4 most toxic oversimplified pieces of career advice. And I gotta say, I listened to this advice cuz it's very generic advice. I'm gonna get into the 4, but I listened to it, but on its own, the advice is essentially a lie when you just hear the phrase by itself. This is my interpretation anyway, because I realized that without context behind these oversimplifications of phrases or presentations or like ideas that people present, without context behind it, without more behind it, it really is a load of crap. So you'll understand what I mean when we get into it. So I'm going to tell you what the 4 are, and then we'll go through them one by one. So the first one is The, this person did it and you can do it too. When we're showing testimonials or when you see somebody land a job or when you see somebody make a certain amount of money in their business, we're looking at that and we're seeing it like we're being sold it like they did it, you can do it too. And while this is true, there is so much more to it. And this is essentially all the phrases I'm gonna talk to you about today. They are all true. Mm-hmm. But there is so much more to it. So the problem with the oversimplification is that we don't end up getting the tools we need to make it work for us. So that's the first one, the whole this person did it and you can do it too. The second one is the just be yourself, right? Just be yourself, right? It sounds lovely. It sounds beautiful. But what I've noticed is, is that There's a lot of things that can get in the way of you being yourself, and you don't even know that you're not being yourself. Some people don't even know who they are, haven't consciously decided who they want to be in particular situations like interviews. So that's the second one. The third one is the whole just believe in yourself, right? So just be yourself and just believe in yourself, right? Just believe in yourself, right? Again, easier said than done. And all of these 4 phrases, I could do a whole masterclass on each one, like with everything that I've learned of how to apply these things, because it's so easy to say, but it's like a whole lifetime worth of work to do. Okay, so the 4th one is just keep going, it'll happen, don't give up, right? Also true. but missing so much depth, right? To actually like feel like you can work that process and believe that, right? So let's start with the first one. This person did it and you can do it too. Huge oversimplification of what goes on beneath. So I'm doing this series for my next launch called Beneath the Iceberg, and I'm going through all the client success stories that I recorded. I record, in-depth success case studies with each one of my clients, and I will go through and ask them, you know, what was that breakthrough point? What was that thing that made you take the action? What was the— like, what was it that actually led to your success? And doing the whole beneath the iceberg exercise in my program and in my training, I talk to you about that, is what's on the surface and then what's actually beneath the iceberg, right? And so this whole oversimplification, it can do one of two things. One, it can inspire people, And that's great. That's a positive thing if it does that. If you see people's successes and you are instantly happy for them and you think, oh my God, that's so great, I'm— they did it, that means I can do it, I'm inspired, that's awesome, right? And if you look at that and you automatically feel that way, that's great. But what I see is people tend to shame themselves. It tends to lead to some negative thinking because people tend to look at that and be like, well, why haven't I figured this out yet? Why aren't I there yet? What am I doing wrong? Where am I deficient? Right? And that's really the toxic part, right? Because you come in at a different level than someone else. You can put an idea into practice and it can click for you and you can go and do it and that can work for you, but it doesn't necessarily mean it's going to work for somebody else, right? So your journey really has nothing to do with someone else's journey. Right? And if we're not using it for pure inspiration, for pure awesomeness, and we're not actually getting joyful feelings from looking at other people succeeding, if that's not happening, then we have to throw this out, this whole idea of this person did it so I can do it too, because it doesn't serve you, right? What would serve you better is something like, I'm on my own path and my path is gonna be different and I'm figuring it out myself and my path is gonna look like no one else's path. Right? Because we want to completely obliterate those feelings of not enoughness, right? Which is what comparing yourself to someone else will do, which is what often this leads to, right? So it's very nuanced, and that's the problem I have with it, is it's like there's one phrase that people repeat, an idea that people will keep putting out there and maybe spreading around and saying because it's nice to talk about on posts on Instagram or posts, uh, a meme about it or whatever. But it's not that simple, right? It's not that easy. And so the idea for this podcast came from a feeling of like anger. I was angry about this. I was just like, stop telling people that. Stop saying that. Because I was told these things, right? I was told these things and I believed them. And they caused me so much shame and blame and beating myself up of thinking, you know, this person got these great results in this program and I didn't. And it's like, well, why not? I did everything I was supposed to do, why didn't I get the results, right? And made it mean that there was something wrong with me, right? That I was deficient, that I wasn't smart enough, that I was doing it wrong, that I was missing something, right? And that is all very toxic for your development and for your progress, right? So if we can't use it for inspiration— and would argue that we can all get there, we can get there to the point where we do feel inspired by other people— but we have to have a solid foundation Knowing that our path is gonna be different, being confident in our ability to create our own how-to to get there. We have to have a solid foundation before we can start really being happy for other people, right? We have to have a belief in ourselves before we can really start being happy for other people. And that is hard. And I admit that, like, I went through a lot of years really failing and not coming close to where I wanted to be and just repeating the same things. Yeah. And that brings me to the 4th point, which I'll go into. But the 2nd one, just be yourself. Okay? Just be yourself. Beautiful, right? Sounds great. How many times have you people-pleased in an interview without even knowing it? I did this. I went into an interview, I start talking, they start bringing up stuff that they want done, and it's not stuff I want to do. It's not stuff I like, but just out of instinct. Without even thinking about it, I start talking about how, yes, I've done that before, and I give examples, and I give great examples. And then it turns out I'm not interested in doing those tasks. I don't want to be in charge of that. And so when I got hired, this was my story that I talk about sometimes about accounting. It was an HR position, that's how it was posted. But then when it came to it, it turns out it was all accounting stuff, and they actually wanted me to fix the accounts and— Sort out a lot of stuff that had been messed up in the past and organize it all and bring it up to speed. This is like my worst nightmare. And they started asking me about some of these things and I said, yes, I'm able to do that. I did that at my previous position and this is what I did. And I didn't even consciously know that I was people pleasing because that was what that was. It's like, yes, my, everything I said was true. Mm-hmm. But it also felt wrong saying it because I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to do that for them. I didn't want to be known as the person who was going to fix their accounting. And they hired me based on what I told them, and then I ended up quitting 3 months later because I hated it. And a funny side note, I ended up writing them a new job description. I was like— because they had the same problem. They'd hired someone else and she had left shortly after, and Then they hired me, and then I was like, you guys are advertising this position all wrong. So I told them, I was like, here's a new job description. This is more accurate of what's going to attract the right person. And then I saw that job description posted online after I quit, and I was like, oh good, at least they took my advice. That will help them find the right person for this role. But I would have thought I was being myself in that interview, but I wasn't. Because myself, my real true self would've said, look, it looks like you're looking for someone to do more accounting tasks. And honestly, that's not my zone of genius. So I don't think I'm the right fit for this. But out of wanting them to like me, out of thinking, oh, the interview's going so well. Oh, they like me. Oh, they're laughing at what I'm saying. Oh, this is great. I didn't wanna ruin that. So I just continued on with the, oh yes, I'd be happy to do that, right? And that got me into a situation that I ended up having to leave and it wasn't good for anybody, right? They wasted their time, I wasted my time. That whole thing could have been avoided, but I didn't know I wasn't being myself, right? But I would've thought I was, right? So it's like being yourself takes conscious deciding, right? It's like, who do I want to be? And for me, that answer was, I wanna be somebody who will tell the truth about what I'm good at, what I'm not really interested in working on, and where my zone of genius is. And I wanna be as honest as possible about that. So I made a point to do that in my next interviews. And I was like, I wanna be the person who's okay with whatever the answer is. So if the answer is, oh no, this position is really accounting heavy, I wanna be okay with the fact that that's probably something I'm gonna need to walk away from, right? Before we go any further into this discussion, right? It's kind of like that whole, this is an extreme example, but that conversation that so many couples don't have before they get married. It's like, do you want kids? It's like, you need to discuss that early on, right? It's like, you need to have a conversation about that because then you go really far into this relationship and you're like, oh, one person does and the other person doesn't. That's not something you can compromise on or solve, right? One person's always going to be feeling like they're missing something. The other person's always going to feel a little guilty that they couldn't give that to the other person, and it's just not going to be a good dynamic. So it's like You got to talk about this stuff early on. And by doing that, you got to discover who it is you want to be. What is your zone of genius? What are you going to be wanting to work on every day? Where are you going to bring the most value? And be confident about that and talk about it. So that's a little tip, but there's actually 5 other ways at least that I've identified where people think they're being themselves, but they're not, right? And it's all subconscious. You don't know. Right? You're not even sure because it's just instinctual, like it was for me, right? I'm people pleasing. I don't even know I'm people pleasing, right? It's just in hindsight now that I can see that. So I want you to be able to learn from all these mistakes that I've made. Okay, so the third one, just believe in yourself. And this is one that I could honestly do like a whole day masterclass on how to believe in yourself. Leave a comment or send me a message if that's something that you'd be interested in, because that is work, my friend. Believing in yourself is work. It is internal work that you need to do every day, right? Like going to the gym, you need to build the reps, you need to build the muscle on believing in yourself, because that is what is actually going to help you to believe in yourself. And we can say it, someone else can say it, but it's just words. One of my teachers in high school said, she's like, words are cheap. It's like sometimes they are when we're not actually feeling them and we're not actually looking at what they mean. And to me, it's a very surface-level thing to say, just believe in yourself, right? So there are lots of different things to uncover about your beliefs. So I have a series of podcasts, I think, or maybe it's just one, but it talks about the different categories of belief that you need to have to land your ideal role. So one is you do need to believe in your abilities. And if you don't have very many skills or abilities, or you're new to something or to an industry, you don't have to. You just need to believe that you have the ability to figure it out. And the best way that I like to put this is up until now in your life, you have figured everything out, right? That's why you're still here, right? So I'm sure there were moments in your life where you didn't know how you were going to figure something out, but if we look at where you are now, you did, right? And I love asking clients about that. I'll be like, hey, was there a time you had no idea how you're going to do this and then you did? And they're like, oh yeah, yeah, I have a story about that. And I'm like, yes, tell me that story because that is going to build your confidence. And it's also fun to hear about it and get to know my clients a bit through that. So It's really important that we isolate the what believing in yourself means and where your belief might be weak. So maybe you have a strong belief that you will figure it out, but maybe you don't believe you're going to do it very quickly. Maybe you believe it's going to take you forever, and that belief will not get you working hard, motivated every day to get to it, because you just think it's in the future somewhere, elusive, right? So Maybe you do believe that you have skills, but maybe your belief is low in that you don't think you can convince other people that you can do what they need or that you are up to the job, right? And that's where your belief is weak, right? So it's like you need to address that and dive into that. And that's like a coaching conversation I would have with you is like, why don't you believe that, right? What are the obstacles? What do you think they're thinking, right? And we need to deconstruct. That belief and why you have it. And when we deconstruct it, it will lose its power. Slowly but surely, we will unravel it and it will no longer have power over you. So just believe in yourself— nice thought, beautiful thought, not very useful on its own. Okay, and so those are the, the categories of belief within yourself, right? In your ability in your skills, your ability to figure things out even when you don't know them. And then the other categories of belief that I talk about, which are not related to you specifically, but in the— like, you have to believe that what you want exists in the world and that you can have it. And you have to believe that, that there is opportunity available for you and that it's your job to go find it. You have to believe in your ability To be able to take emotional risks and do the things that need to get done to get you there. Lots of different things that need to be like marching in the same order, right? So if we imagine a crew of soldiers marching on a bridge, they're all marching in sync. All those beliefs need to be powerfully in sync for you to be able to get where you're going, because those beliefs are so powerful. And when they're together and when we're able to stack them over each other, then You are unstoppable at that point. Okay, but just believe in yourself, just said by itself, it can be toxic because people don't know what it means, right? You're like, oh yeah, I do believe in myself, and then you're not getting the results, or you're not feeling like you believe in yourself, right? So watch out for that one. Okay, and maybe I'll teach a masterclass on how to believe in yourself because I don't know, I don't know if that's what people want to hear, but Each one of these could be a full masterclass on its own. So number 4, keep going, it'll happen, don't give up. Another really pretty, beautiful thing to say, right? Don't give up, it'll happen. And I think it just irritates me that these platitudes just get shared and reshared, and I'm just like, it's cute to say it, but like, it's— Just a sentence. It's not going to change your life when someone tells you, keep going, it'll happen, hang in there, don't give up, right? It's like, yes, we all know that, right? And even me, one of my favorite quotes is, you can't fail if you don't give up. Okay? And I know that to be true because I would have— I would have figured that out by now. And if you follow my story, I uploaded my first YouTube video in 2016, and I wanted to be a coach. I'm like, hey, here's my video. And I expected everyone to flock to this video. And it turns out I had to upload over 200 videos before I had one go viral or get, or get any traction whatsoever, right? So it's not just about keeping going, it'll happen, okay? Because And I actually think this is a very flawed statement when it's by itself. And because I was doing this whole, just keep going, just do it again, just try again, right? In the same hole, if, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again. It's like, yes, but when we're dealing with these big goals we have, like when you wanna get a high-paying job, you wanna build a business that makes you a significant income. It's— it takes so much more. So if we're looking at the surface of the iceberg versus beneath the iceberg, the surface of the iceberg is going to show one thing, and beneath the iceberg is going to show all the reasons why you keeping going hasn't worked yet, right? It's going to show all the lessons you haven't learned yet. It's going to show all the things you don't know yet. Above the iceberg is just going to show your tries. Right? So I'll give you an example. I, when I started my business, I started doing webinars. I finally, I hired my first business coach and I did my first webinars on YouTube or on Zoom. I just had like the Zoom meeting basic platform where everyone just came in. It was a meeting and I was hosting these webinars and I was selling a product for $397 on interviewing and I kept doing these webinars, right? So I do a webinar, nobody would sign up. I would do another webinar, nobody would sign up. And so I was— I would go back to the people that I like listened to for business, and I had several people that I followed, and I signed up for several programs. And one of them,

one of the

people I'm thinking of, he had this graph and he showed I did my first launch and I made this much. Then I did my second one and I made this much. Then I did my third one and I made this much. And the graph like went way up, right? And I'm like, oh, that's so inspiring, right? But I'm thinking, I've done like 10 and it hasn't changed, right? I haven't gotten any new results. I'm like so frustrated, right? And like, I could have beat myself up about this and I did. I used to say, I used to tell myself, Wow, what a moron you are. You just keep doing the same thing expecting different results. Like, why did you keep doing it? Right? Like, and now I'm like, well, I didn't know what I didn't know. If I had known what to tweak and change, then I would've. If I had had the depth of knowledge that I now had, of course I would change things, but I didn't know. So it, I, that advice of just keep going, just do it again, was all I had. So So I just kept doing it and I wasn't learning from the things I was doing. I wasted so much time. Now, maybe I am the only idiot who does that, but I don't think so because I know a lot of people who are still submitting resumes into the abyss and not getting the results they want, yet they're still submitting more and more and more and more of them. And so I know that I'm not alone on doing that. And I've interviewed several clients because it really does fascinate me, and it fascinated me as to why I did it myself too. And the answers I came up with and the clients gave were, it makes you feel productive, it makes you feel busy, it makes you feel like you're making some kind of progress, even if you're not getting any results, right? And yet it still kind of exhausts you because you're still doing a lot of work but not reaping any benefits or rewards. And then you just don't know what you need to do different. And if you do know, it's either something too hard that you don't want to do, or something like ludicrous that you're like, oh, I could never do that, or I don't want to, or you're just procrastinating it, right? So if you are submitting hundreds of resumes into the abyss and you're not getting results, and you're like, oh, I should change the approach, I should really go to that networking event, or I should really reach out to that person, but you're not doing that. Then it's a block of like you're afraid of what's going to happen, or you're afraid that's not going to work, which is kind of funny because what you're doing now isn't working, right? So with my case in the webinars, I really had no idea what to change. I thought I'm following this formula exactly. I'm doing what they said to do, and it's not working, right? I didn't know what to change. But speaking now from the experience I have now, I'm like, oh my goodness! There was like a thousand things that you could have looked at to change. There was so much. to work on. And now I do regularly these amazing 3-day training events, and I get constant feedback of how great they are. And I bring new people into my program every single time I do one of those events. And it's a beautiful experience now because I'm like, okay, now I have real data. Now I understand how to help people. Now I understand how to share with people what they need so that they trust me enough to come in and work with me. Like, I get this now, right? And it doesn't mean that like everything always goes perfectly, but I'm like, I am at a new level of success now. But I didn't get that until I learned the tools that I basically teach in my program now to create results, right? And creating results is something that is a skill that we don't learn in school. We learn to memorize everything, write it down on a piece of paper, and try to get an A on a test. That's not how it works. In getting a job, right? Like, the interview is not a test. The interview— well, it could be a test, but it's a different kind of test. You can't memorize everything. You don't know what they're going to ask, and it's not about anything. It's not like in school at all, right? It's totally different. So keep going and it will happen. Don't give up. Yes, but— and that but is really, really big. It's like, no, it's not just that. It's like, you got to evaluate You gotta maybe— like, for me, I'm like, if I had known that the coaching that I now provide was available back then. So I studied through Brooke Castillo, the Life Coach School. She was my first, my first kind of eyes open to like the way that I do mindset work now and the way that I study like the new information that I get now. Like, she's allowed me to, to get value out of whatever I sign up for now when I didn't have that ability before. I was just like, why isn't it working? Everyone else is doing it and I'm doing it and I'm not getting the results. And I would just kind of whine and try to get another coach to help me solve it. And they were all looking on the surface too, saying, I don't know what's going on. You look like you're doing everything right. Just keep going. It's like, no, there has to be more to it. So I learned the more to it. I learned a lot more about how you have to keep going. And how you have to evaluate and what tweaks you have to make. And those for me will be different for you, right? And that's a part of what I do in my coaching. I will ask you questions about what you're doing. One of the most common questions I think I'll ask is, what have you already tried? What data do you already have? What is like— tell me where you're at so far on this journey, right? And once I have that, then I can help you. Look at that objectively, evaluate, and then help you formulate your next step forward so that your next step forward will not be exactly the same as the last one. You won't approach it with the same mindset. You won't approach it as the same person, because that's what I was doing. I was being the same person over and over and getting the same results over and over, and the results were not good. And it's exhausting. So that's why a lot of people call the job search process exhausting. They're like, I'm mentally exhausted from going on all these interviews, right? And it's like I was mentally exhausted from doing all those webinars with no results, right? But now I can tell you that it's not the amount of interviews that you do. It's not the amount of webinars that I do because I show up live a lot more. I do 3-day trainings a lot more often, and I am not exhausted by them. I am not. You know why? Because I'm getting results from them now. I'm reaping joy and benefits and results for my clients, and things are happening and people are succeeding. And that fuels me, that gets me excited, that makes me want to help more people, that makes me want to serve at a higher level and improve, right? And I don't feel tired, even though I'm actually doing more work than I was back then, right? So the reason why we feel so mentally exhausted when we just keep going And going without any actual new insights or new plans, or we haven't learned anything from the last attempt, is because it's like running in one spot. When you are running in one spot, and like, I mean running, or like treading water in the pool, maybe a better example, because that's hard work. Like running on the spot, you might not work very hard. You might be like, wah, wah, wah. But I was recently swimming at the lake and I was treading water because my daughter was in her little floaty and I was just trying to keep myself around her. And I'm like, that's hard work. So if you're treading water in the pool, you're not moving, right? You're not going anywhere, but you're working hard. You're out of breath, you're tired, and you're not— but you're not going anywhere, right? Versus if you are swimming and you go out there to in the lake and then you feel that momentum of moving, right? First of all, which feels really good. You might get a breeze going. And then you start to see cool, interesting things, right? And you're moving, and that is worth it, right? Then maybe you feel tired, but you take a little break and you're ready to go back, right? But who wants to tread water just endlessly, or like for a long time, and then take a break and go back to treading water, right? It's like, it's no fun. And that's why we get mentally exhausted. Okay, so keep going. It'll happen. Don't give up. Yes, but you have to evaluate. Yes, but you have to get clear on what happened last time. Yes, but you have to learn the lesson. Yes, but you have to get more information. You got to get insights. And for me, without coaching, none of that would have happened. I would have given up because that's what a lot of people do. They will give up because treading water sucks. And so for a lot of my clients. Giving up means like taking something really low or just whatever, right? Or, and it's fine if you do that temporarily. I'm not saying that's a bad thing. I'm saying like you give up on your desire, right? Like your ultimate desire of like you set this goal, that's what you wanted, and then you give up on it because it was too much work. And it wasn't because it was too much work, it was because you were expending your energy in a way. that wasn't moving you. You were expending it in a way that was just keeping you in one spot, right? So that submitting hundreds of resumes, sometimes thousands, that's exhausting, but you didn't move, right? Versus if you had 10 conversations, you evaluated them, you got insights from each one, you feel boosted now. You're like, oh yeah, I'm pumped to have some more conversations. I feel like I'm really getting somewhere. I've got— this guy pointed me in this direction, this person said this, this person referred me here. I got these companies to look at. I've got this interview thing to practice. I've got advice from this person. Oh, this is so great. I feel so joyful. I feel so lit up. I feel like I'm on the right track. Yeah, let's set up some more conversations. This is great, right? Versus, I submitted another 1,000 resumes and it's still not working and I'm just waiting, which that's another one, waiting to hear back. That's the— I hate hearing that too. It's like, no, we're not waiting for anybody. We're moving ourselves. If they wanna catch up with us, they can. Anyways, I will go off on another tangent, but that's the episode, my friends. Thank you so much for watching. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you so much for being here, and I will see you next week. Hey there. Thanks for listening. If you're new here, I'm Natalie Fisher, and if you wanna take this work even deeper than the podcast where I help you apply it and I help you dig into your own personal situation, you have 2 ways to do that. The first is in my signature program, the Six Figure Curriculum, where we go through everything you need and I personally help you weekly to land that 6-figure premium role. And the second way, once you land that 6-figure premium role, is the Time to Thrive Mastermind. So if you're already in an amazing premium role that you love and you want to advance, You want to develop your mindset, you want to thrive in that role, then I support you in my Time to Thrive Mastermind. So that's the 2 ways that you can work with me if you want to take the work on the podcast deeper. The links for those are in the show notes below. To go right away, you can go to www.nataliefisher.ca/start.