EP 265: We live in different realities

We live in different realities. Let me explain. Stay tuned. Hey there, I'm Natalie Fisher. I'm a 6-figure business builder, a mom of a 2-year-old, the recoverer of a 10-year narcissistic relationship, and now in a super healthy one. And most of all, I'm a human who's figuring this out with you. This podcast is about how to use your mind to thrive in your career and And create the subconscious breakthroughs that you need to get there. The subconscious blocks that you don't even know you have to achieving your highest levels of earning and your best zone of genius moments and days in the flow. That is my goal for you. Let's dive into the episode. And before we dive into today's episode, I wanna remind you that I'm the coach who is always gonna point you back in the direction of your own wisdom. And so before we get started, I wanna remind you, listen to your own wisdom first. This means listen to yourself first and me second, and anyone else for that matter. Take what resonates and throw away what doesn't unapologetically. I won't be mad. I won't be offended. In fact, I will be proud of you for doing so, because I know from a lot of personal experience that anything is only as effective as the amount of resonance that it has within your uniquely built brain. And something is only going to work if it feels right to you. And if you believe in it, or if you want to do the work to believe in it. And that's what I'm here to help you do. Your inner wisdom is infinitely more valuable than mine when it comes to getting your outcomes and for what you are here to do on this planet. So I'm here to help you steer that wisdom in the most powerful way possible. I'm so happy you're here. I'm so glad you're here, part of this. I'm so glad we're here on the planet at the same time. Let's dive into today's episode. Hello, hello. So I just was reading a post on LinkedIn by my friend and co-collaborator. Her name is Bassant, and she's an immigrant. She works at Google now. She did some pretty crazy things. The way she got her job I think it was she worked at LinkedIn too, and I think the way that she got one of her jobs either at Google or LinkedIn was she she catered for the company that was catering for their events, and then she got networking with the people that worked there, and she got a job. And anyway, I've collaborated with her, and I admire her, and I love following her. But anyway, she she posted a post this week, and it said. I was called weak for quitting a toxic job after my viral Business Insider article. Here's what happened. She says, as a Gen Zer early in my career, I made the decision to quit a job in a bad job market. I was doing the work of 2 people and completely burnt out. The worst of it, it was never enough, so my confidence was dropping. I made the difficult decision, although it would have consequences. And then the comments on the article were that she was lazy and lived with her parents, so who cares, that her next job was going to be as a beggar, and that she deserved a slap in the face to put her back into reality. And then she goes on to say, but here's what they didn't know. I was an immigrant abroad by myself at 21 years old. I had no safety net, but I knew I deserved better and I believed I could have it. Fast forward today, I graduated from Harvard, I work at Google, mental health is at an all-time high. Quitting is a risk for sure, but it was the best thing I've ever done. You're not weak for prioritizing yourself. Have you ever been judged for putting yourself first? And so then she she actually screenshotted the comment from a guy named Fabian or Fabienne, and he says, "Well, she needs is a five across the face to put it back into reality." And and this made me think of this concept of we live in different realities. So I commented. I'm like, "We live in different realities. I like yours better." Fabian can keep his to himself. And this is what I see all the time. It's like we all live in our own reality. It's not a collective reality that everybody sees exactly the same. Some things are going to be— those are called circumstances, and everybody will see those things the same. But most things are open to interpretation. And it's either we really have to watch and be careful with who we listen to and who we surround ourselves with and whose opinions we put weight on. Um, I love Following people like Bassant because she's done like she's she's a risk taker and she's and she believed in herself. She had to take those risks and they had to pay off. And she she was I'm sure up with anxiety during the night and like processing feelings and dealing with all this stuff emotionally to be able to get where she is now. Like for sure because I know I've done it too, right? So but then there's the people who are going to see reality differently. They they just live in a different reality and so. When when I see people living in the reality that is limiting, I just think to myself, okay, they can keep that to themselves. They're just living from what they know, right? And it's very safe and secure, and it's not even as safe and secure as they think. But that's what they think is reality, and so they think everybody else should see it that way too. And it's not the case. So what I wanted to come on and share today was. That your reality is what you decide it's going to be. You get to decide how things are for you. And if you've decided that things need to be really hard, they need to be really difficult, and that you need to struggle and that you need to work really hard, probably because your parents worked really hard, or you've been told that, or that's been the narrative in society, or the narrative is, uh, They're very common narratives that you know the the grand majority of people will take on is like don't quit a job even if it's you know suffocating you mentally. Don't quit because you know that's you need that money. Like I remember when I was with my ex, I I quit a job that was really toxic. The manager he wouldn't let me talk to any of the staff, and he he had hired me originally to help him. Get the staff— it was an IT company and the IT people were behind on their tickets and he wanted me to come in and get them all caught up and get everything into shape. And I wanted to sit down and talk to each one of them. I'm like, I want to have a one-on-one meeting with each one of them to see, you know, that was going to be my assessment process. And he didn't want me to do that. He's like, no, we don't have time for that. They have to work. Like, he basically wanted me to whip them like a horse and I wasn't going to do that. I just, I'm like, that's just not But that's just not how I operate. I want to talk to them so I can get to the bottom of the situation, so I can find out what's going on. And I wanted to hear their voices. I wanted to use their suggestions so that we could all collectively work together to get the result that, you know, the manager wanted, or he was, he was actually the owner, but he was managing the place as well. Anyway, he wouldn't allow me to do that. He wanted me to do things his way and I just couldn't do it. I couldn't, I could not do that. I could not do what he wanted me to do. And so I ended up quitting. And I remember I came home and my ex got so mad at me and he said, you just gave up a job that made $48,000 and he was yelling at me and he's like, how could you do that? And I remember I posted publicly on Facebook or something and I said, hey, this is what I did. Or it was in a group or something. And I'm like, I quit my job. I didn't discuss it with my spouse first. And he's really mad at me. Like, what do you guys think? And it was really mixed. Some people were like, oh yeah, you did the right thing for you. You couldn't go in there anymore. You were having anxiety. Like they were really compassionate towards me. And then a lot of people were like, no, you needed to discuss that with him first. You're part of a team, blah, blah, blah. Like you had to do what you needed to do. But I also knew he was really security focused and he would've, he, he didn't care that I was the one suffering there. Right? Like I knew I needed to do what I needed to do and I did it knowing that, you know, I was gonna find something better, that the belief was there, that I was gonna create it. And so, you know, the belief doesn't always exist there. It's not always there. It goes up and down. But as long as you have the foundational belief, you can do it. You will do it. And it was just something interesting because his reality was, oh my God, you gave something up. It's such a big deal. Now we don't have income. What are we going to do? Oh my God, this is the worst thing you could have done. And he went into a fear spiral, right? And I was like, I'm going to be doing something way better and I'm going to be making way more money. And this was a good idea. I had to, like, in my head, I had no choice. I was like, There's no way. I would sit in my car and I couldn't go in there. I was like, there's just no way that I can continue to do this. So in my head, that's what I had decided. So it really didn't matter in the end because I was like, no, this is just what's happening. But anyway, this is my ex. He wasn't very considerate of me anyway. For those of you who know, we ended the relationship and I'm in a relationship now with someone who totally trusts me and trusts my judgment. And he He just respects whatever I know to be true, and he'll get on board with me because he cares about me as a person, not just money or just not not just being secure financially. We had a lot of discussions about this when we were dating, and I posed a lot of hypothetical situations, and he he gave me his thoughts, and I was like, okay, this is this is going to be a really good partnership. This is going to work. So so what I want to say is, if you are and and like everybody's different sometimes. Like quitting a job when you are in that situation is the best thing you can do. It was for me. It was for Bassant. It is for it was for another one of my friends, Angela Snyder, on LinkedIn. She did that same thing, and you know it's been the best thing. They've elevated themselves. They have created from that space. And also another phrase that I love is necessity proves creativity. Or necessity breeds creativity. It's like when you when you absolutely have to get something done, you will get it done, right? And not everyone likes to work like that. Some people could never imagine working like that. They would get really stressed out, and they would be like, "Oh my God, no, I can't!" And they would shut down, and they wouldn't be able to do what needed to be done. They would just want to hide under the covers and you know forget about everything, and they wouldn't be able to take action. And then for other people, it pushes them to trust. It just pushes them when into a place where they have no choice but to trust. That they are going to get this done, and they build confidence that way, putting themselves into situations like that so that they can create what they want to create, and then they can do that over and over. And that is how they they do it. And either way, there is nothing. There's no right or wrong. So I'm not saying everybody needs to go quit their job if they're burnt out or suffering, and you know, go get something else. Because that'll push you and it'll be the best thing that ever happened. And I'm not saying everybody should stay in that toxic environment and, you know, stick it out until you find something else. There's, there's merits to both sides. So like the reality that you live in could be useful either way. You could decide, okay, I'm going to stay in this job even though I'm burnt out and it's causing me mental health issues. I'm going to actually work on myself to the point where I feel happy here and I'm going to stick it out. I'm going to manage it and then I'll decide to leave, and, or I'll be, you know, working on my way out. I'll be, you know, I'll be doing what I need to do to get out, but I'm gonna stay here until I have a safe move. And there's nothing wrong with that. That is completely legit and valid if that's the right decision for you. And, and then there's the other one where you're like, nope, I'm just quitting. I'm just gonna leap and the net is going to appear. And that is perfectly valid as well. And I think the thing that we need to note is that everybody is is different because they live in a different reality. Like your reality will look different to mine, and I just make sure that I stay away as much as I can from people who are living in really limited, really negative, really downer type realities. You know, so. When someone says face reality, like you're not going to be able to do that, or you know when someone wants to tell you that you know you can't do that or that's not possible, and I just want you to say look at that person. Like are they thriving? Are they like really kicking butt in life, or are they struggling? Because what they have in their life will tell you. What they believe. They believe that it's really hard. They believe that they have no choice. They believe, you know, the, the, and that's what they will show in their reality because of what they have, right? Versus somebody who believes in more for themselves, believes that bigger things are possible for themselves. That doesn't show up right away. You have to have that belief first before you create it, before it happens. That has to happen first. So, There's those people who have gone through that, like myself and Bassant and Angela and lots of other people that you know I like to follow on LinkedIn and listen to their podcasts. Like Brooke is here from the Life Coach School. Like just the people that I listen to are very much like they believe in bigger things for themselves, and they can't allow those people who don't believe in bigger things for themselves to allow them to. Quote unquote tell them what reality is, because reality is different for every person, right? The reality that I live in now is way different than the reality I lived in as a teenager, or the reality that I will live in in 10 years. It's going to be different because my beliefs and my mind and my— the things that I have done to get myself there will ultimately be shifting because they're always ever evolving. Everything is temporary. So another thing is that when you are trying to get from one place to another place, so say you're in a job right now, you want to get to a new job that pays you more and is a better environment. There's 2 ways. Well, there's lots of different ways to get there. Okay. And your beliefs will shape What it's like to get there. So if you believe that it is really, really hard, and the the people online will tell you that like there's no shortage of people telling you how hard things are, right? And there's different types of hard, right? There's the hard that we can enjoy, and then there's the hard that we just hate, right? And everything at some point in life, there's going to be some challenges always for everything. But it can be a lot easier than you think because you can change your belief about how easy it can be. So if you believe that it's really, really hard, you will prove that belief to be true. You'll be like, no, no, no, it's true. It's true. It is really hard. I've done this and this and this and this. But that comes from your belief. You believe it's hard. So you feel things that line up with actions that make things harder for you. And then what you see in your results is that it is hard, right? And here's an example from my business. So I guess I was believing that things had to be hard in my business, and I'm good with the hard. I'm— I've trained myself to be like, you know, you know, I work out, I like to lift the weights, I like to go do the uncomfortable things. I've, you know, go out for a run when it's raining sometimes, or I'll do things to purposely take me out of my comfort zone and And I like that. I'm like, you know, that feels good to me. I feel really satisfied afterwards. There's nothing saying that I have to do those things, but I want to do those things because I feel like they evolve me. And I've been feeling really like I've been feeling in vibrational alignment with those things because of how they feel when I'm done. The pride, the, you know, just the satisfaction, the contentment of being able to to do that, right? Sometimes it's like you got to shift your state, and that these kind of things really shift my state, like working out really heavy or, or going for a walk or, you know, climbing up a mountain, or, you know, even taking a cold shower sometimes, which I swore I would never do. But I decided, like, I'm— I want to shift my state, so I'm going to take a cold shower. And I actually quite enjoyed it. It was— it felt powerful. It felt empowering. Now, not for everybody. Some people will You know, they'll shut down and they'll feel terrible for it, right? So it's not for everybody. So I'm not suggesting you should go take a cold shower. I'm not suggesting you should do any of this stuff. It's just what has been in vibrational alignment for me. But what I'm saying too is that I've noticed is that I also kind of thought that things had to be hard in my business. And so showing up all the time for trainings, all the time doing all this live stuff. And I'm like, I told myself, you know, I love it. I love it. I do. And I do love it. I do love it. But It's not something that I think I'll be doing so much of this year. And so I've set up systems that have people be able to watch these things automatically. And it was about my belief. I was like, well, people are not gonna want to watch a recording. Like people just don't watch recordings, right? And my switch in belief happened and I have had seen incredible numbers on my recordings now. And, it came from the thought, things don't have to be so hard. Things don't have to be so hard. So when I thought things don't have to be so hard, my feeling was kind of relaxed because I was like, oh, I wasn't even realizing that I was thinking things had to be hard. But I think I was kind of, you know, you go on kind of in, in these areas of belief and you don't really notice it. And then I'm like, okay, so if things don't have to be so hard, I can feel a bit of relief because I've, I've put a ton of value out into the world. And I've been doing this for 11 years, and I have a really solid, um, content library inside my program. I've helped hundreds of people. Like, I know that the stuff I teach is solid. I know that when people dive in, they will get results. I hear people sharing about it every single week in my community. They will share about breakthroughs they've had. They'll be in different— a different place. Like, I build relationships with my clients over the long term, and I get to know them and I know that, you know, a few months ago they were in a totally different place than where they are now. And now they're negotiating like a really high stakes contract for a new role. And like, I just know that this works, right? And so it was my, my belief had to shift that it's like, things don't have to be so hard. And sometimes hard is not a problem, right? Like, and hard wasn't a problem for me for a long time. I'm like, nope, this is good. I like hard. Let's go for it. Bring it on. Let's go. Right. And, Then when I started saying, think, saying, Kate, I think it would be good if I believe things didn't have to be so hard. Like, what if they just didn't? And that kind of brought me some relief. And so I can tell that when, when a thought feels like something, so I use the model, when I, when I align with a thought, then my body will change how it feels, right? So I started thinking, things don't have to be so hard. Things don't have to be so hard. And this started Kind of settling into my body. And I was like, oh great. So then from there I started up, started setting up more automated systems, more things for the long term. And these have started to show results and it's very exciting to see. So in the first week I had 3 new people sign up to work with me from an automation that I set up. And that was from my belief of like, things don't have to be so hard. And I had to believe that first before it started happening. Right? And I did have to have, you know, the knowledge and the skills and, and everything to put that into place and have it work. But it, it's a combination. It's a combination of having knowledge and skills, but also the beliefs, because lots of people have knowledge and skills, but they're still struggling and they're still like paddling upstream, right? So with the job search, it does not have to be so hard. Like my client yesterday, she, she talked about how she got this opportunity and it was just her seeing something on Facebook and she, She saw somewhere she could add value, and she started messaging people to offer them this value that she saw. Right? And it was really genuine. She wasn't attached to them saying yes or anything like that. But anyway, now she's she's negotiating a really big contract with them, and it's the best thing that's ever happened to her. She's she was almost like I can't believe that this is happening. Like this almost seems too good to be true. Like this seems like a dream. Like it's just really happening, and. She did not apply for 100,000 applications, or she didn't do a lot of effort to create this. So that just proves that she wasn't believing it had to be so hard anymore. She was like she was seeing things differently. So she saw an opportunity that she probably wouldn't have seen otherwise. This is what we were kind of pointing out in her success evaluation: was she saw an opportunity that she wouldn't have seen otherwise, and she was able to grab it, and she knew what to say, how to reach out to the. these people, it was, it came from like an inspired response, right? And it has to come from the belief first. So when you take the belief, things don't have to be so hard, you can create a different feeling in your body, right? You have to believe that if you have had a lifelong of hard and all you've ever had is hard and everything you've ever done has been hard and every win you've ever had, you feel like has been the hardest thing you've ever done. It's gonna be hard for you to believe that it can be easier than that. Right? But if say you've had things come pretty easily to you in life, like I've had clients who haven't failed a whole lot, they haven't had any failure. And then when they start failing, they're like, oh my God, I don't know that I can handle this. And they feel very weak in that they don't have very much practice dealing with failure. So I've had a lot of practice dealing with failure and I believe that things had to be hard for a very long time. And And I have achieved through that hardness, through that like resilience. And so that's not a bad thing, but there's different realities. There's the reality where people think things are hard and they will be hard. And then there's the reality where you think things can be easier and you start to see ways that they can be easier. And you start to put things in place where things don't require so much effort. And it was a paradox that I struggled with. So I listened to A lot of people who are ahead of me, right? Like really successful people. And so they'll have really contradicting voices. Like one person will say, you cannot outact your doubt. You can't out outact your negative thinking. And another person will say, yeah, you can. You can outwork your doubt. And so the answer is. What is true for me from that? Which one is true for me? And I know for a fact that I have tried to outwork my doubt. I've, I've tried to outwork my negative beliefs, and that does not work for me. I can tell because it actually gets me less of what I want. So I might have told this before, but There was a time where I was sending a lot of emails to my email list, and I still send a lot of emails. If you're on my list, you know that sometimes I will be inspired to send a lot, and I will just want to share all these things with you, so I will send you a lot of emails. But there was a time when I was sending a lot of emails and people were unsubscribing. They were like, you know, I usually love your stuff, but this is really negative, and so I'm going to unsubscribe for now. Now, I think some of those people did come back. However, what's crazy is, is that I was taking more action than I'd ever been taking, but it was actually repelling people. It wasn't bringing people in. So for me, I know that outworking my doubt or my negative thinking isn't the way. Now, it might be the way for Alex and Leila Hormozi. Who talk about that. They say literally outwork your doubt. And maybe for some people that is helpful at some point in their lives. Maybe that is helpful. Maybe when they're young and they have lots of time and they don't have kids, they don't have other situations, they can work all day, all night, and they, they feel satisfied and that feels fueling and empowering and they get the results they want. But for me, that was not the case. Because yeah, at the time when I did that, I was newly single. I just got my own apartment. I was on my own. I had all the time in the world. I didn't have a child. I didn't have a husband. So yeah, I was working, but I was working from a very negative place and all it was doing was repelling people. So now I can, I know that it needs to come from my beliefs and my center and my groundedness. And it has to come from a different energetic space or I'm not gonna be able to create anything. It's just not gonna work. It's gonna be pushing resistance the whole way, right? White-knuckling and it won't work. So that just simply won't work for me. So I need to do the inner work first. I know that I need to get aligned. I need to get in the vibe. I need to get, I need to change my state. I need to get into that space before I create, before I start doing things. Before I take action. Now, some people, they just need to get into action. They just need to start moving, and that movement will get them the momentum that they need. And it's just—it's a different reality for each person at every any given moment, right? And so you need to get to know yourself. What is it that works for you? Is it going to be you know quitting something with nothing lined up? And You know, some people end up in that situation and they don't mean to, right? Like they get laid off or they have a situation that happens and they're not planning it. And then they got to decide who they're going to be in that situation. Are they going to be the person that steps up? And a lot of the times I feel like that evolves you so much. Like it evolves you to a place where you have no choice but to succeed. And then you build so much confidence in yourself and you, you, you realize, wow, look at me, look at what I was able to do. You know, and that can be really, really like helpful for you in your future to be like, hey, I'm really glad that happened because it showed me what I was capable of. And so we just live in different realities at every moment. We live in a different reality at any moment. We can choose something new. We can choose a new thought. We can choose a new feeling and we can change Our state, our vibe. We can change anything we want to in that very moment. We can choose to feel positive about a circumstance that seems really negative, or that would seem really negative to most people. We can choose to feel positive about it, and we can choose to find a thought that will elevate us in that moment and lead us to the next logical step. But what I have learned is that ideas and things don't come to me, like things don't make sense to me unless I am in an aligned state, unless I can get myself into a place where I am feeling good. I don't think there's like— there's benefit to feeling your emotions. You're going to have to feel them. And I teach another tool inside my program about processing emotions. And how when you have an emotion, you want to get familiar with it and process it. But that's the extent of it, right? You don't want to be there for too long. There's a lot of things you can do to switch yourself out of it. And there's just so many tools available to you, to anybody. There's so many tools available, like the people who have mastered success, figured out success. Figured out how to hit their goals, do what they wanted to do, get everything they wanted in life. They all did it differently. They didn't all take one path. They didn't all do it the same way. They didn't all work day and night until their eyeballs bled. Some of them did the inspired work and just believed the rest of the time. Like there's always a little bit of action involved for sure. You can't just sit there and and hope it's going to come. That is the one thing missing from The Secret is they don't talk about the action portion, but it's inspired action. The action that comes from a place of inspiration and that aha moment when you have the idea. It's so satisfying. All right. That's all I got for you today. I apologize. My voice is a little raspy, but I had to come on and share this with you.