Conversation with Philip Gabbard, Author of THISday

Hello, Book Thinkers family. Today we are here with Philip Gabbard, the author of This Day. This Day was one of my favorite books from 2019. I read it in December. I bought a bunch of copies as gifts for friends and family. And so I figured we could jump on with Philip today and talk a little bit about his book, who he is. So Philip, I'd love to have you introduce yourself to everybody.

Oh, good morning. Thanks for having me. And I'm Philip Gabbard. Nick, as you said, I I've gone through a journey and I actually wrote a book. I'm a marketer and was never, you know, a candidate for a bucket list of something to have done in my life. But, you know, I've been a book reader, an avid, you know, self-development, you know, reader for years from sales and marketing aspects, all, all of it. But somehow through the process of doing all of that, I I, you know, I've always written and, um, there was just a few things in my life that were not working or not working as well as I'd like to. And, and part of my cathartic process is to put things out and think while I write. And This Day was born of that. And it was a real fortunate experience, but a really powerful journey experience breakthrough for me as well.

Well, let's dive into that experience just a little bit more because As somebody who reads a lot and is an aspiring author, I'd like to write a book in the future. I'd love to know a little bit more about the process and some of the expectations you set. And also maybe if you could touch on some of the differences between your expectations of writing and releasing a book and marketing a book versus the reality of doing so.

I think, as you know me, I— and you've read my book, it's a different book. I write differently, admittedly so. And I think that's probably what gives this book its charm and even uniqueness because it comes off as— it makes you think. But going back to the process, I really didn't write with an intention for effect. I was writing, I was pouring out heart and soul kind of stuff. The hardest part of writing to me authentically, and I write advertising commercials, and I have done for a long time. But as you know, I think in advertising, you know, in marketing, when you come from the heart, you're not selling. And this day, I'm not trying to sell you anything, man. I'm not telling you what to do with your life. So for the writing process, I just think almost write every day. It's not a someday thing for you. It's a—

It's a this day thing.

It's a this day thing. Write today. And because you'll get better and better over time. And then it's scary as hell, man, to hit send on this thing. Seth Godin said, you know, you have to hit send. It's scary to release it and to put, you know, all of my, you know, emotions out into the world for consideration and judgment and so forth.

Well, so what sort of expectations did you set for the book itself, or did you have any expectations as far as how many copies you were going to sell and what sort of feedback you were going to receive from people? And then what was the reality of that as well?

I think that's a great question. I, I think there's hope in this anticipation of things that, you know, what's going to happen. You know what I knew would not happen if I didn't do this? If I didn't share this book, I would have once again limited myself. And I want to be unlimited. And I wanted to be prepared to go there. And I, I am trying everything that I can to, you know, have people, you know, read this book and, and talk with people like you. And, and I'm just thrilled that I've connected with you. This book changes people. It helps people. And it does it in a really curious way.

Yeah, it does.

As far as expectation, I hope the world reads it, you know. But if it's a few thousand people, you know, 10, 100,000, I don't know. We'll see. We're just starting, right?

Yeah, no, we are. It's a, it's a long process, right? It requires patience. And so one of the quotes in the book that I wanted to touch on briefly, and then I know there's something you want to discuss as well, comes from a playlist title called So What Is on the Other Side of This Whatever Nag? And the quote right here, I'm going to read it for everybody and then we can reflect on it for a minute, is, Why is it that as kids we live our youth unabridged and full of self-expression? Then at some unknown yet definitive point, we transfer our outward selves to an inward self full of known limitations. Tell me, is it an act or a conversation that closes the door on possibility and ends our youth? And that's the quote. The reason that I wanted to bring that up is that I found in my life, as I transitioned from child to adult, I lost almost all of my creativity. And I lost all of my creativity because we're scared to put ourselves out there. We have insecurities that form. Society puts specific expectations on how we're supposed to act, how we're supposed to work, who we're supposed to work for, etc. And I became a very boring— oh, did we lose audio?

No.

Okay, I became a very boring person. I really did. I lost all the creativity. There's no juice, you know, I just sort of lost it all. And so that happened at a very specific point. I don't know what it was. But then through intense and very direct creativity cultivation through creating content for Instagram and things like that. I started to flex that area of my brain more and I became more creative. So I wanted to touch on that. Like, why do you think that happens?

I think for a few reasons. In your case, I think, you know, we all go through process and phases and, and, and, you know, we might tap into some old resources and ancestral resources that, you know, come back out at another time in our life. But specifically, specifically with the whatever nag quote, um, I think a lot of times life conforms us. This is my big argument, is that there's so much conformity.

Mm-hmm.

What to be like, how to think, how to act, say this when they say that. That kids are born fully self-expressed, man. You can run naked down the, you know, the aisle of a shopping mall and, you know, be, you know, yell on top of your lungs, but you turn 12, 13, 14, and all of these, these conformities start hitting you and it muffles you. It silences you in it.

That's true.

And unfortunately it can just snuff you out. So that is, is, is one aspect of it. And the other aspect of it, Nick, is we as parents, we as bosses, we as friends and lovers, what do we snuff out of relationships when I want to make somebody conform to how I am?

Mm-hmm.

And so what I was trying to do here Is be a better human with my language and how my words can affect you and my thoughts can affect you and my feelings can affect you. And the last thing I want to do to any human anymore is snuff them out.

Sure.

Um, and, and, and stifle them more. And we, and, and I think just having a more, uh, greater consciousness of, of our words and the impact and the power of our words is life-changing and also our listening.

Yeah, yeah, it's a great point. And I feel what you just said while I'm reading this book. So you convey that really well. We are all humans. This is part of the human experience. This book is a representation of your human experience. And it doesn't read like a book. It reads like a playlist of life, like you kind of allude to. And so yeah, it's random, but in the best way. Like, If you're in a rhythm, kind of like you're in flow listening to music, it all works together. Like, you're in there and there's ups and downs and lefts and rights, but it's all one story. It's this story, you know what I mean? And so I really appreciate that.

You know what, I want to tell you one last thing out of the creative process. And maybe we can— I know we're on a time crunch, but I want to say that my original manuscript was laden with music. Lyrics. Okay. And, um, the editor and publisher were like, there you go. And it wasn't even a consideration to keep those elements. And, and that was the genesis of the playlist, to be honest with you, because I didn't want a table of contents.

Yeah.

Okay. Because this is a nonconformity book. Um, and, um, and, and that was the genesis of creativity. When something was taken away, in its place, what could we create? Here I was saying, I write different, I speak different, I think different. How can I have a book that articulates that without me being a conformist to everything that books traditionally have in them?

You had to do it. Yeah.

Um, we, uh, you know, gave each other pushback, and I did a full rewrite on the beginning. And, you know, and all of a sudden, that one thing gave this day some symmetry throughout that does do exactly like you say. It's a playlist, man. It's random. There's hits and, oh yeah, I remember that one, and, you know, things that you know the words to. But I did have to take the music out. That did get nixed.

Yeah, that's interesting. Well, we'll see in the future how you decide to deliver future content.

Yeah, yeah. I'm working on my voice still, and that's This is an extension of my journey. Yeah.

Well, you know what? I think we are over 10 minutes. So we'll just cut whatever we want for Instagram and we'll continue the conversation here for a couple more minutes because as we talked about before we jumped on and pressed record, there was another item and theme in the book that you wanted to talk a little bit more about. So why don't we volley it back over to you?

Okay. Well, I think one of the elements that I, I felt Most relevant at this point, obviously, I make strong mention at the end of the book about Teddy Roosevelt's quote that was the man in the arena. And, you know, the critics who complain, you know, they have no value. It's the man in the arena, the man who is muddied and dirty and sweating and grinding to Yeah. To make a difference in his life. Many of us know this quote, um, and, and it's fantastic. It's, it's inspired me for, you know, many years. But I specifically pick apart this quote, um, because of, of one small fragment that is mentioned in there about poor and timid souls. And that's the part that my process, the, the This Day process, makes me think about and raise my hand and speak up against that. Brené Brown talked about that in her— she named her book Daring Greatly specifically because of, of this very, very powerful quote.

Hmm.

And, um, it's that deep. But I wanted to say, this is where our pursuit of understanding gets tougher as we age, as we go through our ups and our downs in our lives. I've been in the arena, man. You know, I have fought it, you know, not just as an athlete, but as a corporate leader, as a, you know, a high, you know, paid, you know, sales machine.

Mm-hmm.

And I've stumbled too.

Yeah.

And I stumbled too, you know, like we all have, will, and continue to do so. But it's the poor and timid souls that I had a problem with. is that sometimes we can fall and feel like a poor and timid soul. And we continuously have to pick ourselves up. And so I think I heard you say the other day, maybe it was from one of the— maybe it's Atomic Habits or another book that you mentioned, is that motivation doesn't last. habits do.

And, um, yeah, Ed Mylett, in his book Max Out Your Life, he says that it's not the most motivated people that win, it's the most consistent people that win.

Yeah, it's a, it's a great quote. And so there's a lot of us who have to figure out how we pick ourselves up continuously, time and again. And some of us struggle early in life, some of us struggle midlife, some of us struggle end of life. But Marcus Aurelius says, we're not taking any of this with us. We're human. Um, you know, there's fame and celebrity and fortunes. It all matters not. It's the poor and timid souls. We are all poor and timid souls from time to time.

Right.

And that's really what I wanted to address because I think there's, there's deep value and connectivity in these words. Again, this day makes you think. And I'm glad to have shared, you know, from my heart and all of these words. And I hope, you know, truthfully, I hope it changes your world, everyone's world that reads it.

Yeah, well, as we've jokingly talked about in the past, it's a very hard book to describe. And it's a very hard book to review because it's so different. And I, you know, this is an experience that I may share that most people that watch this video don't, but I read and review a lot of books. I read a lot of books by design because in my life I'm a believer that it's helping me to progress on a daily basis. But I also read books, a lot of books, and review a lot of books for this Instagram. And so I find myself reading a lot of books that fall into that normal category and they never make it to Instagram. I read a lot of books that I think, uh, they don't provide a lot of value. They try to tell you what to do instead of cultivate thought. And your book was very much on the opposite end of that boring spectrum because it was so different that it kept you awake. It's not going to put you to sleep. It's creating thought. It's not just— you're not just reading, you're interacting. And that's important. It's very important for the reader because we have so much that falls into that, you know, that conformity side of the spectrum. You know, it's—

Well, let me ask you a question.

Into doing similar things. Yeah, go ahead. I—

you and I talked before. I was raised on self-help. You know, I was an athlete, a, you know, a D1 big old, you know, 300-pound offensive lineman, man.

Yeah.

You know, I crushed heads and had to be inspired and got bloodied-nosed and, you know, hurt and get back in there and those kind of mentalities. And I went into sales and I've read every sales book and every training book and every have-to and how-to book. But I got a sense that, you know, there was important things that maybe I needed to learn. And I did learn and became very proficient, efficient at. But I began becoming suspect a little bit of the manipulative behaviors of do this when they say that kind of thing.

Mm-hmm.

And honestly, it became a little bit bothersome to me. And I— and so not to give pushback, you know, terribly, but That was the exact book I did not want to have out in the world.

Sure.

With my name on it. It's been done. And I think kind of what you were saying, you read through them, you see all of them, you read, you know, way more than most humans, but you see through it and you've seen this happen in your own experience. Some books are very contrite and And try to tell you how to fix yourself in 12 easy steps. You know?

Yeah. And yeah, there is a lot of that. And I think, I think it's effective because it can help specific people. But like you said, when you, when you've been in that world for so long, maybe it's through repetition, maybe it's through experience, maybe it's through I don't know, willful ignorance. But when you've been in that space for so long, eventually you start to get a little bit curious. Like, is this the best way? Is this all there is? Is this the most effective way to be human? Maybe it's not. And I don't think it is either. It's effective for a reason. But just like you, eventually there's an inflection point, just like we talked about earlier, where you become more insecure. But then there's an inflection point where you become more aware. Almost. And your appetite changes from something like that to something like this.

Yeah.

Where you can, I don't know, think more, you know, words for the vulnerable and the venerable, modern essays of enlightenment, like enlightenment. It's that, when do you become enlightened? I think when you can identify with something like this just as much as that or more than that. Does it make sense?

Absolutely. I mean, enlightenment to me is when you allow the light to shine, right? Let the light in and expose things that you hadn't seen before. I hope I never, you know, quit letting the light in on things. These books and these elements in our life, um, they're tools in a toolbox. I hope we, you know, can recall them. You've learned so many things and heard so many things that you wish that in a certain, when, when your words really matter most in a really tender or, you know, sensitive situation in work, in relationship, in family, in life, I hope that you pull that book and this book and that, you know, whatever. I hope you generate the best words possible. Uh, and I hope they come from a space of not trying to control or manipulate. I hope they come from a space that really allows communication. I hope, you know, if you're talking to your child, who do you want to show up as? You know, some asshole that some other said, you know, some other person who said this is how we need to teach people and control and dominate? Or do you really want to nurture this young soul for, you know, so you have relationships for years and, you know, uh, ahead?

Yeah.

Our words fracture things, but People like me and you, when we read these books, we, we learn some things that we can, you know, karate chop some people with things we've learned. And, you know, sure. And, but I just think there's a more conscious effort needs to be made with how we select and deliver and, and then probably mostly how we hear. Mm-hmm. You know.

All very wise words and all words that I identify with.

Yeah, well, thanks for spending time with me today, Nick, and that hat looks fantastic on you.

Yeah, let's get close up there for the camera. Yeah, well, I appreciate it. Thanks for sending it over.

I just don't look as handsome in my hat as you do.

All a matter of opinion.

Yeah, we'll Photoshop you.

Well, thank you so much for the conversation today, Phillip. I really enjoyed it, and I hope that Some people stuck around and got to listen to our entire conversation. You know, for anybody that's watching this video, please reach out to Philip. He's very open for conversation and he likes to talk about the book. So if you've read it, give him some feedback. If you haven't read it, pick up a copy and we can end the conversation there. Before I go, Philip, what's the best way for people to reach you?

I'm most active on Instagram. It's where I'm kind of in this comfortable space. And, um, I'm at ThisDay365. Um, you'll see me around.

Perfect. All right, take care. Have a good one.

Thanks, Nick.

Bye.