Nicole Hollar argues that focusing on what you support rather than what you dislike leads to better conversations and personal growth. She shares a story about a mother teaching her child to hate a rival university, and explains how early conditioning teaches us negativity instead of positive support.
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Welcome to the Own It Podcast with me, Nicole Hollar, where we're gonna talk about stuff to help you get out of your way, take charge of your life, and well, other stuff too. Hey everyone, welcome to another episode of the Own It Podcast. Today I wanna talk about where we place our energy. Are you focusing on what you like or what you don't like? I was talking to someone the other day and we were, we're talking about politics loosely, um, because it is a political season and we were discussing, Likes or don't likes about different candidates. And it was a really great discussion, actually, because the reality is that there's something favorable and probably negative about anybody. And in fact, when it comes to politics, I have a pretty strong rule that, one, I don't really like to discuss politics, and two, that if you can't tell me something positive about a candidate you don't like or something negative about the candidates you do like, then I probably am not interested in having a discussion with you because your focus is very narrow and limited for the discussion I would like to have. Everybody has their own right to their beliefs, absolutely, but in the context of chats with me— anyway, this conversation reminded me of something that happened years ago at a gym. I was at a gym and I was wearing a Florida University tank top. Now, as with any state high school, whatever, there's rivals. So near me, I was in like the retail store area, a mom and her young daughter came in and the little girl was maybe around 7 or 8. And the mom looks at me and it's like, ew, look at the school shirt she has on. And they had like a hat or a t-shirt or something that represented the rival university. And I just smiled and, you know, waved. And It struck me, and it still strikes me today, years later. Why are you teaching your young person how to dislike rather than focusing on liking? If you guys love the other university so much, that's awesome. Congratulations. Focus your energies there. But why are you teaching a young person who doesn't maybe understand playful banter yet how to dislike? Because I've got to tell you, in my years working with people in personal development and breakthrough coaching, there's a whole lot of, well, this is just what I do. I just don't like fish. Well, what do you mean you don't like to eat fish? Well, I don't know. My family, we just never ate fish. I'm like, but you're 50. Is it reasonable to believe that you might like it today? Whether you do or not, neither here nor there. But there's such programming that happens in our unconscious mind when we're so young. That sometimes I say something as simple as that and people look at me like, oh, it never occurred to me that maybe I could like fish because there's all different kinds of fish, right? This political conversation I was having led me to that memory. And I wanted to talk about that today because we have choices. We get to focus on what we want to support or focus our energy on not liking the thing that doesn't support it, or just not liking something other than us or what have you. And that can be for anything. I've always said that if you are a supporter of me, then I want you to support me. Give me your highest and best positive energy. Focus on you being your highest and best. If I had some type of competition, for example, and it was something like that, I would never expect somebody, nor would I condone somebody to push intolerance or hatred or dislike for the other people, groups, etc., because it doesn't represent who I am and what I like. And I see very often that sometimes people want to advocate for something negative versus advocating for something positive about the thing that they like. This can even apply to sports. Anything that has a rivalry. I was a child athlete. You know, we had our cheers and our little taunts and all of that. But at the end of the day, we really needed to be focused on what we were doing better, not why we hated another team because they beat us. We might have been angry and mad, and all of that makes sense. I mean, we certainly don't have to like everyone and everything. I don't. Not everybody loves me, dislikes me, etc. But the question is, how are you using your energy, your mindset, and your focus? Focus your time and your energy on the things that bring out the highest and best in you, because dislike, negativity, and putting out those types of thoughts and energy really only bring you down, and it shapes the filter that we see the world with. So if you are looking at the world in the context of things that I don't like, things that aren't like me, and putting out that negative energy toward it, it's really coming back towards you. So I'm going to encourage everybody that whatever it is that you're looking for, seek to be the highest and best for its purpose. Meaning, you like a particular political person? Great. Focus on understanding why you like them. You like that particular team? Great. What is it that you like about them? Why is it that you support them? If we can't answer those questions, then we might be blindly following something that's been a routine, a habit, and belief forever, and that could be something negative or positive. But in this particular conversation, I'm going to encourage everybody, focus on the positive thing that you like rather than the negative thing that you don't like. I'm going to leave that for today. As always, you can follow me at Nicole Hollar Coaching on most social platforms. Check out my website, nicoleholler.com, where you can learn more about personal development and fitness training, as well as make any requests for podcast topics or guests. I hope you have a great day, and remember, this is your time.
