This Is What Confidence Looks Like [ #21 #Confidence #SelfConfidence ]

Welcome to the Own It Podcast with me, Nicole Hollar, where we're going to talk about stuff to help you get out of your way, take charge of your life, and, well, other stuff too. Hey guys, welcome to another episode of the Own It Podcast with me, Nicole Hollar. You know, I was talking to somebody the other day about her confidence, and I said, look, sometimes you got to fake it till you make it. I imagine you've heard that before. Now, I don't mean lie. I mean, put that energy Into the sphere that says, I am going to imagine I am the person that I aim to become. It's like setting an achievable outcome. That's what I mean when I say fake it till you make it. Put the energy you want to come back to you out into the world so that you can receive it. I said, listen, over the years I have determined there's about 10 or so traits that I found most common in confident people. The first one is that it often looks like awareness and accountability, which if you've read Feeling Stuck is the very first tenet, but it's that they share their opinions, they share their wants, they share their needs. They are fully aware of who they are and they're accountable to that. And they're confident in expressing what it is they want and need and their opinions. It doesn't mean that they don't leave room for yours, but they know that they have just as much right and value and room to have their thoughts and opinions as you do. Likewise, they're open to vulnerability. They are open to accepting their mistakes. It might not come instantly and off the bat, right, because sometimes we have a knee-jerk reaction. I understand that people are triggered, so we have to give a little behavioral flexibility there. But for the most part, they're willing to accept their mistakes. They, they want to be open. They want to be vulnerable so that they can connect with people in a confident way, knowing they don't have to be so guarded because they know who they are. And with that said, those types of people are supportive and they lift people up. If you're a confident person, there is never a need to use somebody else as a stepping stone. It should be your goal in life to help pull people up off the ledge rather than shoving them off. There's plenty of room On the ledge for everyone. We just have to figure out how to negotiate it sometimes. So confident people, they're supportive. They want to lift people up. I did a podcast about mentoring and having mentees and mentors. Those people are confident in their abilities, just like the mentee is confident in knowing that they have room for growth and they have a drive and desire to become a better version of themselves. So with that said, they're genuinely interested in listening because if you're a mentor, to go back to a previous podcast, you've got to listen. You've got to listen to the needs of your mentee. And if you're a mentee, you've got to listen to the advice of your mentor, but know that you can have the confidence to share ideas and opinions. You want to be open-minded. That is another trait of being a confident person. If you go into things through life and you're like, this is just my thoughts and my feelings, and gosh, especially during political seasons, right? People are super close-minded. They, their brows furrow, they have their mind made up. That's it. There's no changing their mind. Nothing. Somebody doesn't have to change your mind, but maybe you can be open enough to become empathetic to understanding their point of view. Open-minded doesn't mean you have to become them. It means perhaps you can understand them. Confident people, they believe in themselves too. They believe in their abilities. They are capable of taking appropriate risks. I'm not suggesting anybody become cavalier. I mean, I have a lot of confidence when it comes to manual and handy things. If most of the things I write, I include something about my young years and having been given a toolbox when I was 4, which I can only imagine shaped my confidence in my ability to fix things. You can fix things, but you take appropriate risks. You don't knock down a wall as your first attempt to doing something in construction. Maybe you build something little. So confident people know they have the ability to learn and to grow and are willing to give it a shot. Plus, they're not arrogant. Have you ever met somebody who's arrogant? There's a difference between confident and arrogant. And even if it's not spelled out on paper, You can feel the difference, can't you? Somebody who's confident says, yeah, this is who I am. Somebody who's arrogant will make sure you know, and they will be sure to sometimes put you down too and use you as that stepping stone to prove how they're better than you. Confident people don't need to do that. They are more interested in, like I said before, lifting people up, supporting people, being on an equal ground with somebody. Plus, they don't personalize everything. If you're confident, like if you tell somebody who is confident, hey, I don't really like or appreciate this or that or the other, they should be more or less willing to hear what you have to say and be open-minded to what you have to say without personalizing it. It's sort of like that really difficult spot when people get laid off where You know you're really good at your job, but your ego's kind of hurt. You were just laid off, but it wasn't personal. They made choices, and unfortunately your number got called. And sometimes that's difficult, and I've navigated that a few times with some clients and friends. It was going to be someone, and know that you are very skilled and capable, and don't let that devalue you. So remember, confident people, they don't personalize everything, and they also take responsibility For their lives. You know, too often I see people blaming things or the world or the environment or the rain or, or whatever has happened for the circumstances in their life. Well, confident people are more empowered, and I say that because they know they are capable of doing things. So they kind of run hand in hand. So confident people tend to be more empowered, and therefore they are more likely to take responsibility for their lives rather than have a victim mindset, which is oftentimes a learned behavior. So I encourage you to be confident. And the final thing is they accept personal boundaries. They accept that you may have a personal boundary. I've been on vacations with friends and, and been like, I'm gonna go for a walk. It's like, well, what about me? Don't you want to go with me? It's like, no, I just want to go for a walk. It's not And tying them, because sometimes people just need their own time. So confident people, because they aren't personalizing things as readily, they are more likely to be open and accepting of other people's boundaries. Like, if I say, please don't come before 5, I mean it. My neighbors know when 9 o'clock hits, we're like, wrap it up, it's time for you to go. It's not personal. And And they're confident in knowing that our relationship is solid. We just want to decompress and let the dogs out before going to bed. So when you think about confidence and if you're feeling a little blah, think about the sectors of self, which you've probably heard me talk about: the health and fitness, career, finances, spirituality, personal growth and development, friends and family relationships. If you're feeling a little lack of confidence in any of those areas, Is there anything that you can do to sort of fake it till you make it, to put that energy out that you need in order to bring back the confidence in that area that you want? I'm going to leave that for today. I hope you guys have an amazing day, and remember, this is your time. And you can find me at most social media platforms at Nicole Holler Coaching, as well as my website nicoleholler.com, where you can see more about any live trainings, webinars, coaching, podcasts, and so on. Have a great day.