The Power of No-Nir&Far

Hi, I'm Nir Eyal and this is the near and Far Podcast. This podcast is about business, behavior and the brain. On this show, I do a few things. I read quick articles I've written about topics shaping your behavior. I interview authors of books I enjoy, and from time to time I devote episodes to answering your questions. If you want to ask me a question, visit the podcast page on itunes, go to Ratings and Reviews and ask me a question. By leaving a review, I promise to read it and possibly include your question in a future episode. Please ask me anything now. Enjoy the episode and for more, you can always Visit me@nearandfar.com.

The Power of no by Chikoti Chima for nearandfar.com.

Sirens were beautiful creatures from Greek mythology who lured sailors to their death. The power of their song was so irresistible it would cause captains to steer their boats into the rocks and drown. We are also seduced daily by ideas that sound great at first but may leave us shipwrecked unless we have the power to say no.

Investor Mark Susser recently warned about objects. Everything you say yes to is incrementally. One more thing to support and you die a death by a thousand cuts, he says. I strongly believe that your success will be more defined by what you choose not to do than by what you choose to do. Of course, what you choose to do has to be meaningful, timely, valuable, prescient, and high quality.

Why we say yes when we mean no.

Michael Hyatt says there are three common responses to people who ask us to do things we don't want to 1. Accommodation. We say yes when we want to say no. This usually comes when we value the relationship of the person making the request above the importance of our own interests.

2. Attack. We say no poorly. This is a result of valuing our own interests above the importance of the relationship. Sometimes we're fearful or resentful of the request and overreact to the person asking.

3. Avoidance. We say nothing at all because we're afraid of offending the other party. We say nothing, hoping the problem will go away. It rarely does.

Personally, I've always felt that being asked to do something was a measure of your fitness and status. But some people will ask anybody when they need something because they know there's no loss in being told no. Tim Conley of the Foolish Adventure recently wrote about how self doubt prompted him to say yes. Too often I let those fears manifest into taking on too many projects, so I can't do them to their fullest, says Conley. A little here, a little there. And as a result, Conley says he finds himself in the 15% of businesses that are doing okay but not great. Better than the 80% of businesses that are failing, he says, but far from the 5% that are crushing it. And where he has been in the past.

Saying no is saying yes to freedom.

Having the confidence and foresight to say no makes you stand out. When you have clear goals, it's easier to say no. I'm actually as proud of the things we haven't done as the things I have done, steve Jobs said at the 1997 Worldwide Developers Conference. Innovation is saying no to a thousand things. There are lots of good ideas out there. None are better than your own well executed plans. We often say yes instead of no when we doubt ourselves and our intentions. When we say no to requests, we free ourselves to work on the things we value, not what other people think is important. And that's part of the power of no.

No is powerful because it's rare.

Nir Eyal wrote about how scarcity can boost desire. We want what we can't have. Psychologists call this the scarcity heuristic. When we're rebuffed, we want what we can't have even more.

There will always be great new opportunities. The better you are at what you do, the more people will want you. The more you say no, the more you reinforce your value. But saying no can sometimes mean not right now. Instagram founder Kevin Systrom turned down a personal offer from Mark Zuckerberg be one of Facebook's earliest employees. This move could have cost him hundreds of millions of dollars, but Systrom believed in his own vision and that staying in school was the right move for his future. As luck would have it, he was right, and Facebook later bought his company for more than enough money to put any regrets to rest.

People want to be liked. We don't want to offend. Rather than saying no, we'd rather string people along and hope they get the message someday. But nothing is more clear than stating our intention. It shows respect, self worth and conviction. No is about you and no one else.

The more clear our goals become, the easier and more powerful each no becomes. Saying no takes practice, and it may backfire. But to me, it's the ultimate sign of maturity. There are a thousand things you'll need to say no to in your life. Some may be hanging over your head right now. Don't wait. Unlock the power of know thanks for.

Listening to this episode of the near and Far Podcast. You can always find more at my blog nearandfar.com and don't forget, if you have a question you'd like me to explore in a future episode, leave me your question, the former review or the podcast on itunes.