Why Most Parties Suck - Nir And Far

Hey, everyone, this is Nir Eyal, and welcome to the near and Far Podcast. Today we're going to be doing something a little bit different. As you know, Nick Gray has been joining me for the past, I don't know how many episodes. It's been fantastic. And Nick has done such a great job reading my articles and we discuss them. But today we're going to do something a little bit different. You see, Nick has a fantastic book that was published a little while ago called the Two Hour Cocktail Party. And it's such a good book. And I figured, you know what? We really need to talk about this book in further detail. Especially because, Nick, I want to tell you this. My wife and I, we were talking a couple mornings ago over breakfast. I had just come back the night before from a party that sucked. It was a terrible party. And I hope the host of the party doesn't hear me saying this. We'll keep it anonymous. But my wife and I started talking about why so many parties that we have attended are just terrible. And specifically. And this is where I first want to get started. I'm dying to ask you this. To me, it seems like it's specifically an American problem. Like, when I've been to parties in South America, there's dancing, there's music, there's singing. There's something to do when I'm in Europe, right? Like, they tend to play games at parties. And it gets silly somehow in America. Why do our parties suck? Why do we just stand around drinking? What's going on here, Nick? Tell us more.

Oh, so I love that idea. And I want to dig into a little bit more on the specifics of what you noticed. We talked beforehand and you had mentioned that people were kind of just milling around and it was a lack of. What I'm hearing from you is a lack of structure, maybe. Or could you just say what were the pain points that you felt?

Okay, so I don't drink as much as I used to. I'll have, like, a glass. I won't get drunk anymore. You've given up drinking completely. And I've noticed that. And I wrote an article about this a while ago about how things that I used to find enjoyable, now I realize actually were just fun because of the intoxication. And that tells you that it's really the altered state that's fun, not the thing you think is fun itself. It's not the parting that's fun. It's that, you know, getting drunk for some people is fun. And so not there's anything necessarily wrong with that. But it just kind of made me reassess. If that's all it is, if it's just the booze, then what's the point? Right? Because we know there's all kinds of deleterious health effects. And it just wasn't giving me what I was looking for anymore. So I decided if it's not fun sober, I don't want to do it. And lo and behold, this party was literally just people standing around drinking. And the only people having fun were the people who were drunk. Everybody else who wasn't intoxicated was really, really bored.

Yes. Yes. And if you're listening to this thinking, are Nick and Nir just going to complain about parties? No. We are going to present to you some ideas. Okay. Okay. Near will, but I will present to you some ideas on how you can make your parties better. Because we think they're a missed opportunity and that they are a chance. We gather to bring our friends together, to hope that we can create new friendships and new connections. Because it's hard to make friends as an adult. Nobody teaches you how. I would imagine that why the party was not good was that the host was doing, I guess you could call it lazy leadership. Lazy leadership is the idea that, oh, just the act of bringing people together and serving drinks and food, that is enough. That's all that I need to do. And it is a party. And for some people, that's enough. If they drink alcohol, then. Then that's an excuse for them to drink with their friends. But I think, and I think you do, too, that there's something more, that there can be more. Your question was, is it an American cultural problem? Is it something unique to American parties? I don't know. I think each culture has its own party stuff. Do you have more thoughts on that specific thing? We can riff on it.

Yeah. You know, I was thinking, like, this would be an amazing. There probably is an expert out there already. If not, then I think, Nick, you need to get your PhD in party studies. Because to do, like, an anthropological study of how different civilizations and cultures spend time together would be super interesting. That's just been my experience. Like, I've traveled a lot. Food is oftentimes a central part of an experience. Of course, booze tends to be a central part. But then my wife and I were talking about this the other day. Like, how do Muslims party, right? Like, they don't have any booze at their party. So what? What do they do?

And they have a whole culture that's around eid. Is that Right. Where they break the fast, where it's 40 days of fasting. And then they have the nighttime parties where everybody eats after sun goes down and they do shisha and hookah and all that stuff. That's a different way that they gather. So maybe that would be interesting.

I bet you they're awesome parties. I bet you they're incredible. Because there has to be something to substitute for the lack of alcohol. Like, there has to be something to do at these parties.

Yeah. Now, in defense of Americans, I would say that we would argue that we have fun games like the beanbag toss throw. It's very popular here. I don't know if you guys have it over there, but there's the beanbag toss. We have a very active culture of fourth of July parties. And at fourth of July parties, which is American Independence Day, there are themes and there's generally fireworks. I'd say that's the biggest party day that we have here in America. And at that party, people are known to grill meats and it's a cookout and it's generally an outdoor activity because the weather is nicer. But what we're talking about is kind of the everyday, not every day, but the common nighttime gathering get together. And that's what we have beef with, right?

Yes. Yes. And how do we fix it? Like, what, what do we do? Like, to make a party something that people actually feel like is. Is something you don't want to end. Right. Like, what I love about the two hour cocktail party idea is that it has this finite time span. Whereas I find, like, when you go to a typical cocktail party and, like, you just stand around and it's kind of awkward and you're in the conversation and you're kind of like figuring out, okay, well, this is dwindling down. Let me go talk to somebody else until the party ends and then we can leave. What I like about the two hour cocktail party idea is that it's. It has a start, it has a finish. Like, there's a plan, there's. And it's to give party hosts some slack. It's hard to know what to do. Like, you had to write a whole book about what the heck you're supposed to do at one of these parties to make them more entertaining. Maybe you can walk us through, like, what should a two hour cocktail party really look like?

Great. I'm so excited. I'll give some ideas. By the way, for those listening, I wrote this book called the Two Hour Cocktail Party, and I had all these other ideas for titles of the book that were terrible ideas and near kept me focused to get the book named the two hour cocktail party, which was the best name because it says exactly what it is. And that's what the book does.

You had that. That phrase I just said, like, that's it. That's it. When you mentioned. When you said that, I was like, oh, that's gold. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, a friend of mine wanted me to call it the Nick party formula, because that is what my parties entail. So I'll say what that is. Nick. Like my name, N, I, C, K. And here's what my parties are about. N stands for name tags. We can talk about this, But I believe name tags are very important, even at a casual social gathering for friends and neighbors, because they signify. It's not a party of clicks. It's a safe space for people to create new conversations. And everybody's on the same page. That's the N in the Nick Party formula. I stands for icebreakers. You'll run two icebreakers during a two hour cocktail party. And these icebreakers, there's two different ones. There's one that you lead at the beginning of the party and then one that you lead at the end of the party. Near. Near the end. And those icebreakers have a hidden purpose, and that's to break up your existing conversations. Because I think one of your complaints that I would guess is that at the party that you went to recently, you kind of get trapped talking to people and you're like, oh, gosh, I don't know if I want to talk to this person. You get stuck in conversation. It's too small. It'd be awkward to be like, okay, I'm done here. Well, one of the secret purposes of an icebreaker is it helps you end conversations, but it also is a short survey of the room to help create new conversations. All right, there's two more things in my Nick Party formula, but I'll pause here. Name tags and icebreakers. Any thoughts on those? Do you agree? Are you open to them?

I've been to your two hour cocktail parties, and I think they are fantastic. I'm actually funny enough going to one tonight here in Singapore that somebody read your book and now is hosting one of these. And so I got invited to do one. So I'll give you more feedback. But one thing that I noticed at your parties is, you know the formula backwards and forwards, of course. But I would imagine that for some people stopping the party and saying, okay, everyone, listen up, listen up. We're gonna do an Icebreaker is kind of a little bit difficult, right? You feel like you're being put on the spot. Are you being rude? Are you being too bossy? Right. How do you. How do you cope with that?

So a lot of my book is about teaching people for the first time how to host a party with structure. And I just wanna zoom out for a second that a successful party is one where your guests know the expectations and they know what to expect. And they have some rules. Some. So think about this. You can't win the game of partying unless you know the rules of how to play. And when we talk about partying, by the way, my parties aren't about crazy drinks and ragers and flamethrowers and musicians. Those are great events. But I'm trying to just teach someone, what is the MVP minimum viable party? What's the easiest gathering, like a happy hour that you could throw? And why is this important? So. So you can build your network of acquaintances? As we get older, it's harder to make new friends, build relationships. Networking really gets a bad rap. But all these big relationships start in the phrase and the form of acquaintances. So you use these parties to build your network of acquaintances. I think that there's a lot here. I'm really curious about the party that you're going to tonight. So I kind of want you to call me afterwards as like a secret shopper to let me know how it goes. Your question was, what. What is it like to stop a party like that, to run around of Icebreakers? And the first thing I'll say is, in the book, I actually have people run three rounds of Icebreakers. The first one is a practice round when only four or five people have showed up. But literally, the script that I say is, I say, hey, everybody. I tell them the why. The why we're going to do it. And if they understand the why, then they get bought in. So I say, hey, everybody, I'm hosting a party tonight with different groups of interesting people in my life. It can be hard to make new friends as we get older. And I wanted to bring you guys together. Maybe you'll meet somebody new. So I know this might sound cheesy, but we're going to go around the room and just say your name, say what you do for work or how you spend your days. And then blank. And the blank is the icebreaker question. I have very specific thoughts on which question is used there, but that's how you set it up. And I found that when you say the why, it gets people bought in. Because everybody can connect with the idea that as we get older, it's harder to meet new people. And so they like and appreciate the intentionality. Like, that's what I want you to kind of take away from this, is this idea of being a good leader when you host people. Because many people want to do what Priya Parker says in her book, amazing book, the Art of Gathering. She says, they want to be the chill host. They want to be the cool host. Oh, I'm not going to do Icebreakers. I. I don't want to do name tags. You know, I want to be cool. Let's just be cool, man. Let's just chill. And that's actually a lack of leadership. You're actually doing a disservice.

This is such a great point. There is this, like, patina of coolness that, like, parties should be effortless, that they should take no work. And if you have to work, then it means you're not. You're not doing it right or you're not right. And it just resonates in so many fields. Right. Like I was rereading Carol Dweck's mindset, where she talks about growth mindset versus fixed mindset. And it's the same thing where people think like, oh, people who are smart shouldn't have to work hard because you're naturally just smart. And so I think there's a similar perception around party management, around time management, with what I do with helping people become indistractable. Oh, you know, I need to. I need to stay present. I need to be spontaneous. That to do creative work, it just is going to flow. It's just going to happen. I can't schedule my time. What you don't realize the common thread behind all these. Anything that you want to get better at is that it takes work. It looks. You know, we used to say in business school that people are like ducks, right? That all the business school students at Stanford Business School, on the surface, everybody's just doing great. You know, like a duck in a pond. Everybody looks calm, cool, collected. But then what you don't see underwater, everybody's treading water, their little duck paddles are swimming as fast as they can. You don't see all the hard work. It's the same that goes to conducting a good party. It's the same to managing your schedule. It's the same for doing creative, serious work. Anything that requires doing well requires effort.

Yes, yes. There's putting in that work. It's the discipline. It's the discipline, I think, of doing A little bit of work and just planning. So much of the work in party hosting goes into the weeks leading up to it. It's not like you have to buy a bunch of supplies or decorations. Most people spend too much time on the wrong stuff. By the way, in my book, I actually have people minimize the amount of food because my theory is I would rather have someone leave my party hungry than bored. And so I spend a lot more time thinking about the guest list, the attendees, making sure the room is filled with the right number of people. Right number of people, by the way, for a party like my book is about 15 to 20, maybe 25 if you're a very experienced host. But more than that, and you can't really create effective introductions using the formats that I have. Yeah.

Yeah. Wow. So many questions. Okay, so instead of spending lots of time on food and, you know, decoration and stuff like that, where should people focus their time preparing in for the activities for the Icebreakers. And you only got through the name tags and the Icebreakers. What about the C and the K?

Okay, so I'll finish up the formula and then I'll tell you my advice on where you should start. The C stands for cocktails only. This is not a dinner party. For many new hosts. Dinners are too complicated, too stressful. Dinners also have people sitting down. And sitting down is the kryptonite to a successful party. People get locked in. You can't approach them. They're less open to creating new connections. And so standing. You want people to stand. C is for cocktails only. No food. You can have chips and snacks, but no served food. And K stands for kick them out at the end. It's only two hours long. You want to end the party on a high note. But I'll tell you something else. Many people make the mistake that when they invite people to a party, they only list the start time. They don't list the end time. What does that do? That creates an extended awkward zone at the beginning. So nobody shows up on time. They say, oh, I'll be casually late. I'll be chill. I'll show up 30 an hour. But really, the reason is when you say the start time and the end time and it's two hours, everybody shows up on time and you give them an excuse to leave, which many people want and are so thankful for. And it's a compressed amount of time where you end on a high note so that they have a positive memory of you. Not like maybe the host that you went to, you, frankly, might think a little worse. Of them for hosting a bad event that was lacking leadership. And these parties, you'll start to be known when you host a good event, you'll be known and people will start to introduce you as a great host and you'll just create these new connections. So that's the formula. So for a new host, this is a question for Nir. What do you think the number one fear for a brand new host? For someone who's never hosted before, what are they afraid of?

They're afraid. I can think of lots of fears. I would say that people won't come, that they're gonna cancel last minute, they're gonna flake or they're gonna be bored when they get there.

Maybe yes, those are the top two actually. Number one is that nobody will show up or worse, that only two or three people will show up. And then it's terribly awkward. And then the number two fear is that they're bored, that what are they gonna do all night? Right. And so a lot of my work in helping new hosts learn how to host an event, cause many people read my book and it's the first event they've ever hosted, is filling up the guest list and then guaranteeing that people show up using a series of three reminder that keep your event top of mind. Now I suggest that people host on non red level days. So I think the best day to host a party is a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday night for a new host. Why is that? It's easier for people to say yes to. You are less likely to get last minute cancellations and no shows because of double booking. Okay. And so when you host on a Monday or Tuesday, Wednesday night, it's easier for people to say yes to drop in because their calendars are open. That is a huge thing that I do. And I'm happy to say that folks who read my book because I track these numbers, I'm like a big nerd. They say they get more than 93% attendance rate for people who say that they're going to come will actually show up. And I have a secret weapon by the way called guest bios that are in those reminder messages.

So you'll be happy to know that the person who's hosting the event that I'm going to tonight, first of all, it is a Monday. They did send out the three reminders. You did have to RSVP and they did send out a bio. And I'm telling you like I would feel when you see your name on the bio, you really bad not attending because you know you've read other people's bios and they're going to expect to see you. And, you know, it definitely does build up this investment into the event. So, yeah, I could see why it's 90 something percent. And also, having attended your parties, what you were saying earlier is absolutely true that when you end the party, when you kick them out and say like, the party's over, you have permission to leave. A few people left. You didn't. You didn't actually kick them out. You said you could stay if you want to, but the party's officially over. Like, you know, feel free to go if you need to. A few people left and said thanks very much. The vast majority of people, actually. The conversation was so good and they wanted to stick around. And the fact that everybody had already been pre introduced in a way, like just that very quick intro of here's my name, here's what I do, and that, that additional question that you ask that gives people the notes of like, oh, you know what? I really want to talk to that person or I got to make my way over at some point. And it kind of gave you a lay the land of who you'd like to connect with at the event. And it was both events that you hosted were just awesome. They were honestly, like the best parties I've been to.

Thank you for saying that. That's really nice. I appreciate that. I think that came out of my frustration of going to events and, like, wanting to meet people but not knowing who was in the room. Right. And I'm not saying that from a social climbing perspective. I'm just like, well, what if I like bike riding? I'm really into bike riding. Like, I don't know who else is into bike riding. I have to go around every single person. And when you do an icebreaker, it allows everybody to express pieces of their personality very quickly. Because a good icebreaker is a fast icebreaker. And that's one thing you got to look at in your secret shopper. Does he run the icebreaker very fast? Because that's something that sometimes new hosts kind of takes them a while to learn. But that's one thing I love, is just learning who's in the room to help people go and connect. It's all about adding a little bit of structure.

Yeah, I love it. It's fantastic. And it's stuff I really wish more people would emulate. I think, you know, it's part of why we have this loneliness epidemic in the west, in the industrialized world, is that we don't. I don't feel like we throw good parties. It's like, you know, we don't learn how to make friends. As we get older, we have this confluence of the fact that society is becoming more secular, so we don't have the religious events we used to have. Right, you don't. A lot of people don't go to church anymore. They don't have the regular events and from a religious institution. And we've certainly never been taught how to have a good party. And so I think what you're doing is a real public service to folks. And it is really so easy. Like your book really does highlight. Exactly. Step one, step two, step three. It's actually, you know, looking back at it, it's way, way easier than all the stress and preparation of what a traditional party should look like. A traditional party that most people walk away from saying, eh, that was all right. But your parties are consistently fantastic.

It's so funny because I am like banging my head trying to convince people to host a party. I've seen so many benefits for myself and the hundreds of readers that I've talked to. I'm obsessed with talking with everybody that I can who reads my book and hosts a party because it's the most rewarding work I've ever done. But it can be hard to kind of convince that. I don't know what messaging I'm using, but it sounds like a multi level marketing scheme where I'm like, no, you just need to host a party like this, Will. And they're like, wait, what? Like, this is your thing. I'm like, yes, the loneliness epidemic is real. 19% of American men say they don't have a single close friend. I think it's 15% of women. We have so many less friendships and relationships now post lockdown. And it's really hard to meet new people. Like, this is my thing I'm excited about.

Totally. And I think the biggest barrier for both of us in what we do is, you know, we've done the research, we wrote the books. If people just read the book and implemented it, it would change their life. I think it's really what we said earlier about why more people don't do this. It's because people have this myth of effortlessness. Maybe you can in the comments section of whatever podcast player you use, if you can maybe write in some thoughts or maybe email us directly through our blogs. Why is it despite knowing what to do, people don't do it? And I think with this, you know, it's, it's so obvious that this is the right answer, right? Of course we should throw more of these parties. But I think it's this myth of, you know, if, if I'm good at it, if I was really cool, if I was really a sociable person, if I was really worthy of being spent time with, then I would be somebody who could do this without any effort. And I don't know how we combat that. How do we combat this myth that. It's like the myth of being a natural at something that, oh, I should be naturally charismatic and people should naturally want to be around me, but it's a skill like any other.

I have a controversial thing to say about that that made me jump around that myth idea. In dating advice, there are oftentimes people that are well intentioned that will tell you to just be yourself. Are we allowed to talk about dating advice? I don't know. But it resonated with me that there are things that you can do to get better at meeting new people. And it is very taboo because a lot of people say, oh, don't do anything, don't do anything, just be yourself. Right? And in dating at least, because that's maybe a little more on my mind than on your mind, it is something that, that's not good advice. There is a, there's a way for these simple things that you can learn. It just resonated with me because that's very taboo. It's taboo to get dating advice on how to improve yourself and things like that.

Yeah, tell me, tell me more, say more. And specifically, can you tailor it to how much to be yourself or maybe what to do instead of being 100% yourself? Which by the way, to get a little philosophical, I think that whole notion of oh, be yourself and what's your real desires and what's your true spirit want, I think that's all a bunch of baloney. There is no, like pure true self. You're an amalgamation of your past experiences. And if your past experiences were different, you would be different, right? Not that there aren't proclivities, but there is no, oh, one immovable, transmutable self that you know will never change. That's just not true. You are somebody who can change if you so choose. So how should we perhaps change in maybe in a dating context or maybe in a, in a social party context? What are some do's and don'ts?

I have no good dating advice. As a 41 year old single male, I am not qualified to give good dating advice. But I will say a story that I have A friend. He's a straight male, single friend who was a donor for some of our very good friends who are lesbians. And they have had a baby girl. And that's fantastic. He is the biological father of their daughter. And he was telling people this on the very first date, that he has a daughter. And potentially maybe, I don't know, but maybe there's a time and a place to bring that conversation up. I don't know. But we heard from him. He's like, no, of course they need to know this. And I was like, I don't know how, but I'm guessing it's not like, on the first date. Maybe. I don't know. I don't know. Because maybe some people want to know that immediately. Let us know that in the comments as well. But I think that there are things we can do to put our best foot forward. I'm going to go back to, like, the party hosting, because that is my zone of expertise. And here's what I'll say. I talked to a guy yesterday, lives in Houston. He's in his mid-30s. He has two kids. He's married, very happily married, but he doesn't have a lot of friends. And he said, I read your book. I'm planning my party. And as I was explaining it to my best friend, I said, ooh, the book, you know, it has me doing these weird things like name tags and icebreakers. Do you think that's weird? And the friend said, that's not weird at all. You need to quit saying that it's weird because then you're making me think it's weird. Okay, that's not weird. That sounds great. I want to meet some new people. I wish I knew somebody like you who could bring more people together and do this. That's not weird at all. Don't say it's weird because then you're making it weird. And so what I tell people is, tell people the why set the expectations. When you invite them, there will be name tags and icebreakers. Because I'm bad with names and I want to help my friends meet my other friends, okay? It's as easy as that. But when you set the expectations as part of the invitation that you'll have name tags and icebreakers, you remove 99% of any objections because people buy into the framework that it's that type of a party, okay? Now if you don't mention that there'll be name tags and icebreakers and you suddenly they think they're coming over for super bowl and sports and nachos and instead they get a name tag. They'll be hesitant, right? They'll be as hesitant as you are thinking about this. But when you set up the expectation, you tell them the why. And that's what I think it's about. Why are you hosting this party? What is your why? Your why is that you want more friends. You wonder what your life would be like with a different peer group. What if all of your friends read indistractable? How would your life be different if you had a peer group that was interested in focus and productivity and self improvement and maybe you're curious and you want to host a party to help attract a better tribe. You can do that.

But how do you. You can't say in your email message that hey, my why is I, I want more friends. Like that sounds strange, right? What? How do you come off as a why? That's authentic and true. That is the reason. But that doesn't sound desperate.

Your reason for hosting is that you want to introduce the interesting random people that you know in town.

There you go.

Your why is that. I haven't seen people in a long time. It's been a while. I'd love to get people to come and hang out. And your why of why you're doing the icebreaker is you want your friends to meet everybody else, not just the party will be successful for you as a host. Everybody's gonna love you because everybody wants to know someone who brings people together. That's a little secret that I found. Everyone wants to be invited to a party. You're a big deal. You are famous. You are going to a party tonight because this person invited you who is, you know, very, very nice guy, but he hasn't written a bunch of books. He doesn't have the following who you do. Everyone wants to be invited to a party. So that's your secret as you go out and want to meet people that you just say, hey, my friends and I are hosting a little happy hour. Can I send you the information? By the way, note the words I use there. Can I send you the information? Very different than will you come, right? May I send you the information is easy, simple to say yes to. So I have all these hacks and tips anyhow.

And I love how scalable it is, right? That everybody wants to know the person who hosts great parties on their block as much as they want to know the person who hosts a great parties in their city, right? Like it's very, very scalable. We want, we want to be included. And when it is in service of others. That's very attractive. Right, because you're gaining from knowing, you know, when you said it, I love how you said, I want to introduce the best people I know in town to each other. Something like that. I didn't say it as eloquently as you did. But then it really does become in service of other people. And who would want to be a part of that? Right? You're not coming to serve me the host. I'm. I'm serving you as the host.

Yes, yes, yes. As I'm thinking about this, for listeners who are still wondering what's happening at the party, very briefly, I'll give you sort of an overview. Say that your party goes for two hours. You need to choose a two hour time block that's convenient in your region. When I was in New York City, things go later. So I did 7 to 9pm now that I'm in Austin, things are a little bit earlier. So I do 6 to 8pm you let people know no formal dinner will be served, just light snacks so they have time either beforehand or afterwards at the party itself. You're going to run two and a half rounds of icebreakers. The half is your practice one. The first icebreaker that you do. The question I suggest folks say is say your name, say what you do for work, and tell me one of your favorite things that you like to eat for breakfast. I can go into detail why. I know that sounds silly and childish, but it works because it doesn't cause people to lock up. They eat breakfast. It's a positive memory. There's no judgment. And for people with social anxiety or who are kind of introverted, it's easy enough for them to be successful. And it works 100% of the time. Now, an hour later, when people have built up rapport, you're going to do what I call a value additive icebreaker. The value additive icebreaker adds value to the room by sharing interesting information that everyone can benefit from. The three questions that I like are, number one, what's a great piece of media that you've consumed recently? Could be a documentary, a podcast, a book, an article. That's one example. Number two, what is one of your best purchases from the last year? That's $100 or less. It could be an object or an experience. It could be a kitchen gadget or a massage. The last one is what is a city or life hack or favorite local business you like to support in the town that we live in? Okay, what do these do? They get everybody a chance to Share something great and everybody gets value from the answers. I like that type of icebreaker better than I think icebreakers get a bad rep because people are like, what was your worst first date? Well, that's not value additive. Right. What's something about you that we might not know based on looking at you? Right. That's not value additive. And so I like to end a party with the value additive because then they go home thinking, I met all these awesome new people and I learned all these new things. That was the best party that I've ever been to.

Nick, you're a genius. I mean, those, all those questions. The common thread is that it's something people are dying to tell others about. Oh my God, I saw this great thing on Netflix. You got to watch it or oh my God, I had the best pastries at this local bakery. Like, you want to tell people about this, you're just dying for them to ask you about it. And everybody can has, you know, of those three questions, everybody can think of something that they can't wait to get off their chest. And so it's instant conversation maker. I love it. The amount of thoughtfulness that you put in this book and the research you've done is really amazing. So it's, it's fantastic. So just to wrap up everyone, Nick Gray, a fantastic author. The book is called Two Hour Cocktail Party. Get yourself a copy. This is just the tip of the iceberg, I'm telling you. There's so much more to this book that he's put into it. If you've been impressed by these insights, just wait till you actually crack open the book and start reading it. There's just so much gold in this book. It's going to increase not only the number of friends you have, the quality of your relationships, and it's just a heck of a lot of fun. So definitely check out Two Hour Cocktail Party. And Nick, sincere thanks not only for doing this episode, but all the episodes we've done in the past and hopefully many more in the future.

Thank you so much. And if you're listening, please send me an email. If you buy my book and want to host a party, I would love to hear from you. As a listener and fan of nears, I would love to personally help you make your first party a success. I am on a goal to get 500 people to host their first party. I think we can overcome this loneliness epidemic. We can create new friendships as we get older. All it takes is a two hour cocktail party.