Power struggles with students damage relationships and nobody wins them. Instead, reshape how students see themselves with growth-mindset language and high expectations, swap negative words for strengths, and give direct instructions that say exactly what to do next.
Have you ever been part of a power struggle with a student? I know I have. Do you want to hear my magic wand trick for winning the power struggle? Oh, I don't have one. Who wins in the power struggle? Guess what? It's not us. Nobody wins the power struggle. I promise you, even if you feel like sometimes you quote unquote win, you don't. So let's avoid it altogether. No one walks away from a power struggle with a better relationship, with better rapport, with more trust. No, we've ruined all of those things in that power struggle. Now, my big main way to avoid the power struggle is to focus on the positive over the negative. That's really the main idea here, focusing on the positive over the negative. And we can do this in two specific ways. One, convey belief. And 2, use direct language. First, we're going to convey belief. You need to change the narrative within your student's head. Your students may come to you with baggage, like suitcases filled with baggage. They maybe have been told for years they're not good, they're naughty, they're making bad decisions, they're not smart. Sometimes they're literally directly told this. And man, if you are told that for enough years, you believe it. So unpack that, change that narrative. Tell them explicitly you think they can accomplish this, that you have high expectations, that you see all the great things about their personality and who they are. Change that narrative within their head. I think the great way we can do this is by utilizing the growth mindset by Carol Dweck. Growth mindset is the belief that abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work. Embed growth mindset language into your daily repertoire with your students. Model this. Model mistakes that you make and how that's okay. Model challenges that are facing you every day. Model with your students and highlight times that something was hard, but they were able to do it anyways. And talk frequently every day about how mistakes are a part of life and that's okay. And we can overcome this, and this doesn't define who we are. Got a lot of great handouts for you in today's video. I love this growth mindset handout. This is a great thing to share with your teams and share with your staff, or even put up in your classroom if it's appropriate, and, and really reverse and switch this thinking. Instead of thinking, I can't do this, let's think, let me try something different. Use this as a tool for you to really model this language. Then I want you to highlight the good. You want to use positive words over negative words. Consistently and repeatedly say amazing things that your student can do. Highlight that all the time. If you feel like you were highlighting the good too much, guess what? Do it more. I like this handout too. This switches our negative words to a positive word. When I do this in in-person trainings, everyone kind of giggles because it feels funny, but But let's say you're walking your class to the gym and the gym coach is like, "Oh my gosh, your class is so loud and hyper. They're bouncing off the walls." You're like, "Yes, Coach Thomas, thank you so much for noticing. They are enthusiastic and energetic to be here." So just kind of reframe that. You know, if someone's like, "Oh man, that Sarah, she's super manipulative and she's so bossy." And you're like, "Yep, future leader, that Sarah. She's dedicated to her opinions." We wanna highlight that silver lining, right? And show the positive qualities that our kids have. Next, we want to utilize direct language. This is a big one. And this little shift, oh my gosh, this can cause really big changes. Tell your student what you want them to do, not what you don't want them to do. When you say don't run, you are requiring your students to make an inference that they should walk. Instead, just tell them to walk in the hall instead of saying don't run. All of our SLP friends will echo how hard that skill of making an inference is. We don't want to require our kids to make an inference when following directions. You can also focus on the next step instead of highlighting the problem. Sometimes in our directions, we just highlight the problem. Oh my gosh, you're running late. Oh my gosh, you didn't do this. They know that. Instead, with your directions, focus on what to do next. So if you're like, hey, if I ask you one more time to open that book, we aren't gonna have computer time. Does this direction tell the child what to do next? No, it just highlights what's currently going wrong. Instead, be like, "Hey, after you open your book, we can get started on math so we have enough time for computer." We're gonna show what that next step is. So here's my last handout for you today. I've got 3, and this is really gonna start to shift that negative language to that positive, proactive language that focuses on the next step, that focuses on what they should do instead. So when you use these strategies, you change your behavior. We're changing how we respond, how we set up that narrative about our student. In turn, we can avoid the power struggle.
