Talking about what to do when challenging behaviors seem to take over your classroom.

Okay, I'm trying this again. When a few people come on here, will you let me know if you can hear me or not? Because I guess when I went live a few minutes ago, there was no sound, which, you know, I need sound for this. Can you let me know if you can hear me, or if you can't hear me, if I just look like I'm not talking? You can hear me? Okay, yay! Okay, yay! Awesome, thank you guys. Okay, well anyways, let's try this again. So hope everyone had a great first day back. Thanks everyone, thank you. I'm so happy it just worked by doing a new live, right? So I was hoping I didn't have to restart my computer or something. How was everyone's first day back? Any great days? Any horrible days? I know it's that transition back to work is really hard. We have to, like, take a few days to remember what we do, remember our job, remember our lesson plans, our IEP goals. It takes a little bit of time to kind of get back in the swing of things. So I thought this would be good timing to kind of do a little live, get us all back in the groove. If you join me for any of my lives in the last few months, we've been doing a lot of lives themed around behavior because that is by far the questions I get the most. It's the PD I do the most. You know, I spend a decent part of my year traveling, and the PD that I do the most is my behavior change PD. And I'm happy to do that. I love talking about behavior, and I love talking about behavior in a way that's positive and proactive and respectful to the individual. I think sometimes, you know, that's easier said than done. So I am passionate about all these subjects. If you want to check out some of the lives that we did in December and November, you can go to the video tab on Facebook. They're also all on YouTube now, so if you want them captioned or anything, They're also all on YouTube. Oh, some of you went back last week. Yeah, some schools around here went back last week too. Someone had an in-service and go tomorrow. Everyone was tired. Yep, everyone's tired, right? Everyone's used to sleeping in. So let's give a little context to what we're talking about tonight, and feel free to drop in your comments, questions, things like that. Again, as I've always talked about, when we're doing something kind of public like this with behavior, No student-specific questions. You can ask general questions about what to do with these types of behaviors or situations, but it can't start with like, "I got this kid," because I don't know the whole story and it's just not ethical, confidential to share in front of all Facebook. So if you have questions, drop them in in a neutral overview type format. So tonight what we're going to talk about is that feeling of how having challenging behaviors seem to just take over your classroom. And maybe you've been there before, or maybe you're there now, or maybe you have no idea what I'm talking about, and bless your heart, I'm so happy you don't. But I know that feeling all too well, when your main focus is maybe one student or one set of behaviors or two students, because the behaviors are so frequent or so extreme that you literally feel like you can't focus on anything else. And shoot me a hand raise emoji or like, I hear you, or I've been there too, if you've been in that season of life in your career where there is one situation that is so pressing and so important and maybe so potentially dangerous that that is all you can focus on. Yeah, some of you are saying, yes, I've been there. And if you've been in those situations, it is hard for a million reasons, right? Yeah, a bunch of you saying, "Yep, this is my life right now." And it's hard and you feel guilty. I did a blog post about that 2 weeks ago because you feel like you're not giving the rest of your kids what they deserve. You feel like maybe you're not taking care of your staff, you're not taking care of yourself. And it's kind of this vicious cycle. And sometimes when we get stuck in that feeling of guilt, and like we are out of control and we don't know what to do next, then we don't even know how to change the behavior. So I'm gonna kind of go over 4 little points to kind of gear our conversation. And of course, every situation is super different. Every kid is super different. But I think if you kind of can follow these 4 kind of best practices or overarching tips, it's not gonna make it go away. It's not gonna make it 100% better, but I think it can at least point you in the right direction. So number 1 is you need to do what you need to do to keep everyone safe. Everyone safe. And if that means that you're not touching IP goals, that means you're not touching IP goals. And go ahead and take this as permission from Sasha to do that, because your number 1 priority is to keep your babies safe, because your babies are someone else's real babies, like your school babies. Are someone else's real babies. And even if you teach junior high or high school and your kids are 200 pounds and way bigger than you, that is still someone's baby. That's still someone's whole world. And mom, dad, guardian are putting their kids on a school bus, dropping their kids off at a school, at a classroom, and putting their trust in you to keep their baby safe. And that can be a huge responsibility. Like, it can weigh on you because that's easier said than done. And you need to just do whatever you can, whatever you have to do in this phase, in this time period to keep everyone safe. Because if you've ever had to make the phone call, which I'm sure many of you have, that someone's been hurt or a child hurt someone else, it is the worst phone call to make. And I'm sure as a parent, the worst phone call to get. So you just gotta do and give yourself permission to do whatever you do to keep people safe. The number one thing on your lesson plan lesson plan is keeping everyone safe and okay. If that means you are that child's one-on-one for a while, cool, you are that child's one-on-one for a while. And I think once you kind of give yourself permission to do that, that alone helps a lot. Because when you're trying to like not let yourself be in that mode, then you can't really focus on changing that behavior, you can't really focus on helping that child, and then we feel that guilt and that pressure and that being torn. But right now, that if it's one individual child or two individual children or whatever it is, they need you like they need you desperately and they are so lucky to have you because you are the one that is going to help them learn a new behavior. There's obviously some skill deficit. Negative and extreme behaviors come from missing skills and you're going to be the one to help them figure that out and give them new ways to communicate. So that child is so lucky to have you, and they right now need you the most, and you have to be okay with that. So that's number 1, is give yourself permission to just do whatever you got to do to keep everyone safe every single day at all times. Number 2 is ask for help, and it sounds so cliché because we hear that all the time, but my continuation on it is keep asking for help. There, and I think back to a time in teaching, this is maybe like year 3 or 4 for me, where I had a really, really hard year. Like, my whole year is this, like, phase we're talking about where it was just going, like, day to day, like, minute to minute, trying to keep everyone okay, keep our heads above water. And I kept asking for help, kept asking for help, asking for help. And then I started feeling bad because— are there any people pleasers in here? Like, being a people pleaser is the worst because you shouldn't care so damn much what people think. Raise your hand if you are a people pleaser. I am a people pleaser sometimes to a fault and I didn't want people to be annoyed with me for some weird reason like I didn't want administrators or case managers or whoever to feel annoyed with me so I, I kind of caught myself a lot stopping asking for help like I would ask for help, ask for help, ask for help and then after a while I could see that people were sick of hearing me ask for help so I stopped asking but I still needed help and support. So don't ever feel bad for asking for help too much. As long as you are being respectful, as long as there is still a need for support, keep asking, and ask in creative ways. I've had, in periods of my teaching career and in classrooms that I've worked in, have the school pull in paraprofessionals or other people, not to work with the challenging student or the student with challenging behaviors, but to work with other kids. Like, hey, someone come in and pull my kids that haven't received direct service in a month and sit with them in the hallway and work on their phonics workbook. Please. Like, that can be a huge relief, and that can be super helpful for you then to know that your kids are getting support from someone else. So ask whoever you have to do, and if you're not getting help, ask who else you should ask. Like, I know every district is set up different and what supports you have, but really my point here on the number 2 of ask for help is don't stop asking for help because you feel like that should, you know, like, I should know what to do. You know, this job is really hard. You can be 20 years in and a veteran and an expert, and you still— I mean, I ask for help, you guys. Like, I, I go to my colleagues on challenging cases and clients, and I recently bought Skype consulting from a sleep expert for one of my Skype clients because I'm not an expert in sleep, and I don't need to be. So, you know, really kind of thinking about how you can ask for other people to support you, ask your administrators, ask your case managers, and making sure that you aren't, like, you aren't becoming your own worst enemy. Lisa has a really good point here. She said, I get stuck getting out of that mindset that their behavior is not a reflection of me or my teaching. That is so true. And we see these challenging behaviors, we think this is our fault, maybe, and it's a reflection of you as a teacher. And so sometimes even that can stop us from asking for help because we're like, oh man, I should have this under control. But you shouldn't. This is, it's a challenging job, and especially with the way our schools are now, like across the US, I travel to schools all across the US, classrooms are overcrowded, classrooms are under-resourced, staff sizes are too low. So it's, you know, it's a tricky job. So I think continuously asking for help is really, really important. Erica said, my aides are running lessons now because I'm handling the severe behavior. It makes me feel like I'm not teaching sometimes. Yep. And that's hard because you're like, I should be the one doing the direct lessons, but as the leader in the classroom, as kind of the manager, it's really important for you to take that role with maybe those more challenging behaviors because you're going to be able to make those decisions in the moment versus someone else. And that's hard to feel like you're stepping back from one area of your class, but again, like we've been saying, it's like you have to kind of meet the needs of your classroom where they're at, and that one student right now needs you the most, and that's where you have to kind of put your attention and your focus. Yeah, Sophie says, classic saying, it takes a village. It does, and that's what we should think about, you know, your whole school community, your administrators, your therapists, like, get creative with that too, you know, if your clinicians take students, say, hey, like, you know, can you take students in the hallway because we have challenging behaviors, or can you take them in the therapy room? So really lean on your community and get creative with how you're asking for help. But importantly, that continuous asking for help has to be there. So if you were kind of going into this new year thinking like, oh man, I'm gonna do it all by myself, like no way, like this is why we're, we're in school. So there's people to help. So number 3 is data and documentation. I, you know me, you knew data was coming up in here. So with extreme behaviors, it's really, really hard to take data because you're not going to be in the middle of a meltdown and be like, hold on, honey, don't punch me in the face. Right now because I need to take data on this. No, do the best you can, but get some data. Data is how real behavior change is going to happen. It's how you are going to know if things are working or not. But when it becomes this idea of you need your whole community and you need to ask for help, you need those numbers. You need the documentation. You need to prove your point. And yes, everyone should just believe you and know that like what you're asking for is right. But it doesn't matter. People want to see the numbers. They want to see a chart. They want to see a graph. They want to see exactly how many times it's happened. If you go in and say this behavior is really frequent, they're like, okay, it's really frequent. You're like, no, this behavior is happening 315 times a day. They were like, oh damn, okay. Or this behavior is happening 90 minutes. That's pretty different than saying it's happening for a really long time. So data needs to become your best friend. And if you are becoming the one-on-one for that specific child, great, then you're there taking that data. Yeah, people are saying tallying, sticky notes. I love, you know, I, you know, I love my click counters, things like that. Or I showed that one on Instagram a few months, a few weeks ago, that was, I think it's like a crochet thing, but it's like this big and it click counts. So do whatever you have to do to collect some data and then document. And you also here, I think, want to be a little creative about what you're documenting and what data you're taking, depending on what type of help you're asking for. So for example, one of the things was that I mentioned was having staff come in to provide support minutes for your other students. Well, maybe you want to take data on how many days or how many minutes of your day you are spending one-on-one with that student. Or you want to take data on how many times you've had to clear the room, or how many times your students have missed a group time. And it's not at all in an accusatory way to that individual, because this is not their fault. They are missing skills, and this is a manifestation of things that they need. This is not, you know, an accusatory thing. It's to prove and show what support you need for your classroom. So you want to kind of, you know, be careful and think about what type of things you want to document so when you go to ask for help, you have numbers to support and to explain why you're asking for the things you're asking for. And then the number 4 one is kind of what I started this conversation with and really goes back to number 1 too, but give yourself grace. So in the whole process of letting yourself off the hook, saying I'm going to do whatever I got to do to get through this and keep everyone safe, it mentally can really wear on you. As someone had said earlier, it's hard to not take that as a reflection of you as a teacher. And I think especially if you're not a brand new teacher, if you've been in it for a while, when you do have this situation happen, and I've had this situation happen on my 9th year of teaching when I was a BCBA, and thinking like, damn, I have a master's degree in this, I should know what I'm doing. And when those situations come, it can kind of really knock you down. So you want to give yourself grace here and let yourself have a hard day and a hard time and know that it's not going to last forever and know that you will figure it out. But don't be so hard on yourself. And that is 1 million times easier said than done, but the guilt And that pressure that we put on ourselves can be what leads to that, like, burnout feeling. You know, we talk about that a lot in the special ed feeling world, that feeling of burnout, that feeling of burnout. And it comes sometimes from ourselves. It comes from us putting us pressure on ourselves to know what to do and to not mess up and to not be overwhelmed. And I got this, and I can do all of it myself. And sometimes you can't, and that's okay. So You need to give yourself, let yourself off the hook and give yourself grace. Like Erica says, self-care, whatever you need to do, whatever boundaries you need to set. That was one of the things we talked about in December on a live was work-life balance. Put in those positive routines for yourself, you know, don't, to not carry this home. And you know, I've kind of touched on a few seasons of my teaching career where I've been in this phase. And one of the times that I talked about was kind of stemming from number 2 on continuously asking for help. Well, in the same period of time when I was not continuously asking help, what I, what I was doing instead was continuously talking about how hard work was with pretty much anyone that would listen, like all the time. Like I would be out at a bar to drink with people that aren't teachers, and I'm talking about how hard my job is. And I could watch people's faces kind of glaze over because they weren't listening and they didn't care, and I shouldn't have blamed them. And I couldn't stop talking about it and that was having me hold on to it more because I just kept obsessing and obsessing and obsessing and putting in those boundaries of just really trying to not think about work on the weekends, not talk about it or catch yourself, be like, "You know, I vented for 5 minutes. Now I'm done. I'm going to turn it off." So really think about, you know, what things you are or aren't doing that may or may not be productive. So my overall 4 tips today were number 1, do what you gotta do to keep everyone safe. If that means you are the one-on-one, you are the one-on-one. If that means we aren't touching lesson plans right now, we aren't touching lesson plans. Your number 1 priority is keeping those babies, someone else's whole world and baby safe all day. So that is number 1. That is like, if you can follow that, you're golden. And some of that's a mindset shift. So it's easier said than done. Number 2 is ask for help and keep asking for help. As long as you need help and support, you need to keep asking for it. Of course, be respectful, but be creative. Think about different ways your school community can support you. Number 3, data and documentation. So get creative with your data systems. Do your tallies, do your click counters. Switch it up. If it's— if the, like, insane binder system that you've made has sat on your desk all year and is like, you saw it today and you were like, ooh, that is dusty, I have used that twice, then don't use that anymore. Use something different. And document, you know, what's going on, write it down, shoot it maybe every Friday, shoot your principal an email, hey, this is how the week went, here's the data. Maybe he or she never responds, but cool. You wanna show that like, I'm keeping, you asked to be in the loop, you are gonna be in the loop, right? Loop him into what's going on, him or her, what's going on, if people have asked to be looped in, and really document. And within that documentation, you know, communicate with the parents of the child that's having a hard time in a really, really respectful way. I would really recommend having some candid conversations with mom and dad about how often they would like communication and what type of communication they would like, because If things are happening every single day, it probably would be really hard to hear that every single day. So ask, you know, do you want a phone call every Friday to give a review of the week? Would you like a note? Would you like a text message? Like, how— what is the best way? Because sometimes a drop-off, it's not appropriate to talk about in front of the student, and it's not really the right time for a parent to receive some kind of difficult news anyway. So Thinking about that data and documentation piece, really, you know, don't be shy. Ask mom and dad, what's the best way for us to talk about this on a regular basis? People have some good suggestions in here. Google Forms, you guys know I love Google Forms, especially for this kind of proving your point piece. Google Forms can summarize and analyze your data really quickly and nicely, and you can bring that to a meeting with an administrator or consultant to kind of show what's going on. Becky said color code and highlight the behavior of concern. And someone else mentioned, is it wrong to want to keep my staff safe as well? Absolutely not. That was what I started this with. You know, we want to keep our team members safe. So within number 1, when I say do what you have to do to keep everyone safe, that means your staff, because you're responsible for them as well. So kind of include your staff in that everyone as well. And then number 4, give yourself grace. So let yourself off the hook. You do not need to do all the things all the time and be perfect at all the things. Let yourself ask for help. Let yourself, you know, be off duty. Take care of yourself. If that's working out, work out. If that's binge-watching Netflix, that's binge-watching Netflix. Control your venting and complaining because that becomes a vicious cycle really quickly. I did a podcast episode. About, in December, about working with difficult people. And that was one of the suggestions is to watch the gossip because gossip becomes this kind of snowball effect in this vicious cycle. So you kind of want to be careful of that. So those were my kind of overall 4 suggestions. And I think knowing that kind of this too shall pass, it will not be this way forever. But know if you are in this kind of phase right now, which a lot of you said they are, you know, know that that child, because I know it can get very, very hard every day, and it's, you know, easy to sometimes develop a negative attitude even if you don't mean to and have the best intentions, but keep reminding yourself of your why, like why you're in this job, why you're in this field, and I think that's a great way to kind of get back in touch with you know, the real reasons why you're here, and connect with why that child needs you. And that student is so lucky right now to have you as their teacher, or you as their parent, or you as their paraprofessional, and they need your help and support. So even on those hard days where you're thinking like, oh my gosh, not this again, know that that child, you know, really needs you, and you're going to hopefully be able to make a really big impact on that child's life. So really connect back with your why on those hard moments. So thanks everyone on a Monday night. We had awesome like attendance here. Look at that. I have to remind everyone, if you haven't been on Facebook or Instagram today or yesterday, speaking of behavior, I have a brand new free training, the Behavior Change Master Class. It starts a week from today, talks about all the stuff we talked about tonight, all the stuff I've been talking about in my lives, but even more in details. I would love to have you there. It's free, 4 videos. They're awesome. I am super excited. It really extends upon a lot of the frequently asked questions that I get after trainings. So enroll now. I put the link in the caption. Takes 30 seconds to enroll, and you can watch it whenever you want. I've had a bunch of teachers tell me they're going to watch it with their paras, which sounds amazing. But as we've talked tonight about creating this community, within our schools, I think this Behavior Change Master Class is a great way to start to build that. So think about someone in your school community who you could share the Behavior Change Master Class with and maybe take it together. You know, tag someone here, say, "Hey, sign up for this training with me, it's free." And, you know, like, "Hey, on Monday let's both go home and watch it at night and let's talk about it Tuesday at our prep or Tuesday at our lunch break." So definitely, Definitely make sure to sign up for that because I am really, really excited about it and it's going out a week from today. So I will see you there then because I'm going to be doing some lives after each of the videos to answer our questions. So I want to make sure you get those videos before the live. Hope you all have a great rest of the week. Bye guys!