IFS LIVE DEMO: watch as my mom taps into her true self to heal trauma from 60 years ago

Okay, so if I could summarize IFS, I would say that what IFS does is it helps people to tap into this amazing resource that we have, and that's our true self. We brought that with us. It's our core being. It's that seat of wisdom and love and compassion. I know a lot of therapists therapeutic modalities out there say you need to cultivate calmness and peace, but it's my belief that we already have that inside of us. And that, um, I feel like it's my job as an IFS coach or practitioner to help people kind of just pull back the layers really gently and tap into that source of wisdom and love. Gávele.

Hi, welcome to the Come Off Conqueror Show. Thank you so much for being here today and welcome back to the channel. I'm here today with Tricia. Some of you have seen our previous, uh, video or interview where Tricia explained what IFS or Internal Family Systems is. If you haven't seen our previous interview, go ahead and see the links below. We'll go ahead and link that in the, uh, in the channel notes or the video notes down below. Um, otherwise, welcome. Thanks for coming back, honey. Thanks for being in my house, driving 90 minutes to be here, or maybe more like 2 hours.

I don't know, it's totally worth it.

It's a long drive. Um, but she's so sweet for coming all the way up here. And thanks everybody in my house for being here too. So this is live on Facebook. This is live in my house with, with people. We have some people who will be trickling in, so pardon any interruption you might see there. And also pardon the noise upstairs if you can hear little feet running around. That's my children and our friends who are bringing— who should be here soon with her kids. Uh, there should be a little party going on upstairs. Yeah, it's all good. Um, and you may hear my dog who's laying down on the carpet barking. So, um, anyway, welcome. Thank you so much for being here. Let's, uh, let's jump into today's session and explain what we're gonna do. So Tricia, you've been doing IFS for how long now? A year?

For myself, for 2 years. 2 years with clients, 1 year.

When you started in October last year, I think our true selves are naturally peaceful, right? We were born peaceful.

We weren't born with baggage.

We were born, you know, with this light. If you've ever seen or held a newborn baby, um, you know, they just have so much purity in them. And I think that that is our— and I think that's because that's who we are innately.

Exactly.

Pure, innocent, loving, peaceful people. So I've studied a lot of different religions and been involved in different meditations and yoga and hypnotherapy and EMDR— E-D-M-R. I can never remember the right way to say that, if it's E-D-M-R or E-M-D-R. I don't know, but it's the eye rapid movement stuff. Have you heard of that?

Okay, pause.

EMDR, whatever it's called. Sorry for those of you who practice that, they're like, oh, get it right. Um, it's essentially— I've done it online with an amazing practitioner. She is incredible. She was a social worker for 30-something years. She works with, um, uh, DF— DCFS and CASA and different child protective services and stuff. Anyway, You watch this bouncing ball on the screen, and what it does is it mimics your— it gets your eyes somehow moving back and forth, and somehow that rapid eye movement, which is mimicking what your brain does in REM sleep. And during REM sleep is when you process the day, or you process whatever it is that you're thinking about. So the idea behind EMDR is that you she's asking you questions to think about different things, and it's activating that processing mechanism in your, in your brain. I like IFS— come on in, Melody, welcome— I like IFS because it's very similar in that you're being guided by a practitioner, you go deep within, I think it's just, it's very gentle and, um, EMDR is amazing. I'm not knocking it because I think it's phenomenal and I've used it to so many people. It's great. What is the difference between, how does, um, EMDR, like, why did you gravitate towards IFS? I know it was because it helped you with your own personal story.

So maybe you share that. So I, before I found IFS, I was actually seeing a clinician that did EMDR. Oh, and so my, my circumstances were very, very challenging, very raw. And I, like you said before, I needed solutions quick because I was really struggling with just wanting to stay here. And, um, I had done several sessions of EMDR with her, and it just— like, she was telling me, just cope, you know, here's some skills and tools. And I thought I need more than coping. I need to get better now because I'm not going to make it through this year if I can't get help now. And I've since learned that there are actually 3 stages of healing. There is suffering. There is like this middle ground where you're learning to cope, but you're not feeling better. Like you just get through the day. And then there is thriving. That third level of healing is thriving. And I wanted to thrive because I could not survive just in this middle ground because I was just going back and forth, and that was traumatic for me. And so, um, I was just like, God, please help me to find someone who can help me to achieve my goals. And I was led to that person, you know, that we discussed in the interview, for $80, right in my hometown.

She had— Heavenly Father said to her in her prayer, find a therapist who charges $80 in my hometown. That's specific, right? Very specific. I know. I don't, I don't You don't get specific answers like that. I thought, man, that's amazing.

I was like, what are the chances? But I just started looking and I actually found someone in Payson who charged $80 and I started working with him. I kept working with him and within weeks I was, I was having a better hours after our sessions or a better day. And I was like, this feels so phenomenal. I started to feel like myself. For a few hours, and that was remarkable because I was in really difficult circumstances, and I was like, I want more, and it felt so right. And, um, so I just kept working with him and I haven't looked back.

I think it's important to note that when you're in that deep of a dark place where you just, you need answers, don't want to be there, yeah, You can't expect healing to be 100% instantly, right? Like, yeah, notice that she said, I felt like myself for a couple of hours, right? And then it was like a day, and then it was a couple of days, and then it was a week. And I think that that's sometimes hard for people to accept. Like, I want it now, I want to feel better now. Well, I'm going to give you a little bit now, but you're— you've got some deep stuff that needs to be resolved.

Yes, and, um, I'm glad I actually didn't heal that fast because I probably wouldn't have believed it. I needed to heal gently, slowly, but it was still fast, right? Like, it was providing relief, it was providing healing, as opposed to— so I had, at this point, I had been in therapy with other marriage counseling for a little bit, and then this personal counselor for 8 or 9 months. So I had already been looking, I had been seeing therapists and finally found this, and I was like, this is better than any therapy I've ever tried because I felt that relief. Or even just a few hours, I'm like, I'll take it. I'm so grateful for any good that comes my way.

I've done a lot of talk therapy as well, and I'm a talker. I wouldn't be hosting a talk show if I wasn't, right? Do you remember, Mom, in— was it 5th grade? My teacher, Mrs. Roth, she said she predicted what everybody's profession would be. And surprise, surprise, mine was talk show host.

Oh, wow.

Uh-huh.

Talk show host.

And I, when I started this show, I thought back to that. I was like, I need to find Mrs. Roth and send her this channel. Look, your premonition finally came true. But anyway, I digress. I've done a lot of talk therapy, and I do like it because because I'm a talker, right? Like, for me, like, it is very therapeutic, but it never really— like, it helped me. How do I explain this? I feel like the way I use therapy is I combine modalities. I don't just do one thing because I feel like each modality has a different outcome and a different, um, like, like, for example, talk therapy or hypnotherapy um, will bring up something, right? Like, it'll bring up a memory or it'll bring up an issue, and then EMDR or this helps me process it. And then, so it's like they go together. Does that make sense?

There are many therapists who use EMDR in combination with IFS. Yeah. Or they'll do that with different parts if a part is having a hard time letting That makes a lot of sense because it would help them process out how it works. Whatever.

Yeah. So I think like it's important to know, like if you've tried all these other things, like you don't wanna give up, right? You're not broken. There's nothing wrong with you. I mean, like I'm a serial therapist goer, like therapy goer. Like it's, I've tried so many different things and I do so many different things. I love yoga, I love meditating, I go to massage. Monthly. Um, you know, I do tons of different things for self-healing, and I think what's made a huge breakthrough for me personally in this last year has been combining everything and not— um, and finally learning how to give myself grace and realizing everyone has struggles. We all are going through something. And it's silly to pretend otherwise.

Yeah.

And I need to embrace the fact that self-care is not selfishness. I do think that there's a fine line and that we can overdo it if we start ignoring our duties and ignoring our children or our family or things like that. We become too self-absorbed. I do think that there's the, um, you can go into that, but that fear of becoming selfish should not keep you from doing self-care. Does that make sense?

Absolutely.

Like, self-care is so important. And I know this probably sounds weird, but moms and people in general feel selfish when they, when they do that. But it's been a huge thing. And for me, part of my self-care is therapy. It's taking the time and the money. And I know so many people who are watching this are struggling financially because when you leave, when you leave an abusive situation or you leave a marriage, a lot of times your husband was the breadwinner, right? They were the one making all the money. And so now you maybe didn't go to school, you maybe didn't finish your degree, right? And so now you're like, crud, what kind of job can I get, right? And so you're finding whatever job you can get that will juggle parenting Right. So anyway, I get that finances are tight, but the best thing you can do for your children and for yourself is to get the help and find somebody who fits within your financial reasoning. I know Tricia is really great there. The EMDR therapist that I go to, Debbie, she charges based on what you can afford, which I, which I think is just the sweetest, most compassionate thing because that to me suggests they really care about your healing.

Mental health should be available to as many people as we need it.

And you understand where they're coming from. And having a therapist who, um, gets it— come on in, come on in, you're good, find a seat, the couch, wherever you want to go. Um, I think that's important. So, um, now that we've kind of talked a little bit about what it is, does anybody have any questions more about— I know you missed the whole preview. But does anybody else have any questions before we ask for a volunteer? Which I'm willing to do it if no one else wants to. There's no pressure here. But any questions about more about IFS?

I just think it's great that you acknowledge combining different therapies and different resources. Different modalities are helpful. Some people do energy work along with IFS or EMDR with IFS or they find, you know, something else that works for them.

I was reading on the IFS site that, um, because I was interested in looking at how do you become trained in this, right? I wanted to know more about that. Um, I probably will never become a practitioner, but I think it's cool. Um, anyway, I was reading and they take mostly other therapists, so other like clinicians and things like that, so it's combined into other forms of—

yeah, it is a lot of therapists combined.

Any other questions? Yeah, I like that this is a safe place that you can mention yoga. Yeah. And people aren't cringing. Yeah. Because it is true that some parts of yoga is a religion.

Yeah.

You know, and, and some people really feel negative towards yoga, even though I've done yoga all my life. And many times doctors describe yoga, but they don't call it yoga. They call it a therapy, they call it an exercise or something else, but all the positions are, are yoga, and I recognize them as yoga and stuff like that. But there are some people who are very— feel very negative. They do towards those things and will judge you because you are doing those things, and they feel justified in judging you. And so this is a nice place where we could be— I feel safe here to be able to say I've done meditation.

Absolutely, me too.

You know, I've done, um, I've been hypnotized 3 times very successfully. Um, I've been, uh, I believe in crystals, you know. I, um, I have quite a number of them. And, um, I believe in a lot of things that some people will judge and say, aren't you a Christian? You know, those kinds of things. And I go Yes, I am a Christian. And they will say, then why do you believe in crystals? Well, crystals have been around before Christ, right? You know, they're part of our Earth.

Yes, he created them.

And, and they make— I had certain feelings in my own body that I can feel the crystals. You might not be able to feel the crystals. That I feel the Christmas. Yeah. And, um, and it's nice to be not judged.

I'm glad. I'm glad you're here. Thank you.

And I'd like to volunteer.

Oh, great!

Yay!

I mean, I don't mind doing it. Clearly I, I talk, you know, I share myself all the time, but I think it's great. I would love to have my mom up here. Yeah, fine. They're back on the not judging thing. I think it's important that Come Off Conqueror is a safe place where people can bring their knowledge and bring their background and bring the truth that they have. And I don't want to say speak your truth or that cliché statement. That's not at all what I'm trying to say. I do think it's important that we respect each other's belief systems.

Absolutely.

And I can disagree with somebody without judging them. I think that's a thing, right? Judging— judging is you're going to hell or you're a bad person because you believe this way. That's different than I don't agree with that, I don't accept that belief system into my heart. That's different. That's— you are still giving that person love and grace and the ability to believe what they want to believe. Judgment is is the opposite of that. And I think it's important in Come Off Conqueror and in our support group that we can have differences of opinions. We do not have to agree on everything, and that's okay. Yeah, I think as long as we're doing it in a loving way, right, and we share and we give space for, for those differences, that's where it's important.

So thank you, Mom. I'm really honored that you feel that way. I think too that The way that we respond to others shows what it's like inside. Sure. And so if we are feeling that judgment, it doesn't mean that we're bad, you know, because sometimes we both feel that judgment. You may not say anything. It just means that there's a part of you that needs some attention or love, and that when we can learn to embrace every part of us, whether it's like you said in that you know, in the advertisement. Love even the parts that you have hated. That is all about— all of it is love. If you can love all these parts of you that are different, not lovable, wonderful, then you can extend that same grace to others.

Does that make sense? So for example, um, my ADHD, right? Like my— I was complaining to Jake just a couple nights ago how frustrating it is to me that I cannot stick to a routine. Can't, you know, like other moms, they're like, on Mondays we've got cleaning bathroom days and it's this, like they just, they're organized, right? I am incapable. I'm incapable. We have chore charts, they last a week. We do tie, uh, we pay, not tithing, um, we do pay tithing, but that's not the word I'm looking for. Allowance, right? Like we give our kids allowance, not consistently. Like we're just not very consistent about things and I was saying, gosh, it's so frustrating to me that I can't be consistent and stay on task. I'm like distracted all the time by everything. And like, I just feel like I'm this like little person.

But then you're able to get a lot done at the same time.

So the flip side to ADD is, right, that you, you're an Energizer Bunny, right? You get things done and you get more done in a day than the average person. So there, there's like good and bad, right? And while I was complaining to him, I thought, man, I need another session with Patricia because clearly there's a part inside of me that's frustrated and needs to talk. And the ADHD part and this other part, my OCD part, are like, are, you know, at odds with each other. And I'm like, clearly they need to sit down and have a little chit chat. And it's funny because I feel I was telling people last time I did this, the very first time I was a volunteer, and I felt so schizophrenic. I'm like, wow, I'm literally seeing different parts of me right now.

Like Inside Out movie.

Yes, like the Inside Out movie, just like that. That's exactly how it was. And I'm like, hang on, I need a moment just to process that this is what's happening and that this is not weird and I'm not about to crack. Like, give me a moment. So, um, without further ado, let's get Mom up here and let's Because I think it's— unless anyone else has any more questions.

Yeah, and I want the ladies to know that we will be having a drawing. We'll put everyone's name here. It's online or here. We'll put everyone's name in here if you want for 3 free— 3 free sessions. And then, and anybody who's interested, um, you can have a free 30-minute session with me just to see if it feels right. For you. They're so nice.

Yeah, that's so generous. So everybody who's in attendance, a free 30-minute session, which is just so kind of her. It's a lot of time out of her, out of her day, but she truly just wants people to feel better.

I think that shows.

You're just so kind. So I'm gonna step out of the way.

Mom, you can go ahead and sit in the hot seat. The hot seat?

Well, can I get out?

She's just an angel.

She just wants to make sure everyone happy, you know.

Yeah. Do you need help getting over here? Thank you. Got it? Yeah, I got it. Okay. Hey, I'm so glad you're here. Remind me your name. Iris. Okay, I'm gonna bring this a little bit closer just because Patricia talks quietly.

Sorry, you're okay. I just want to make sure that everybody— so sorry, Mom.

That's okay. Let's get closer if that's okay. Okay, he's gonna help us.

Oh, I look sick, don't I?

That's understandable.

You are sick.

Is that okay if I touch your hand?

Yes.

Thank you. So my name is Tricia Ogden, and I just want to let you know that how I work, I want you to know that I— you are the expert on you, okay? And I am going to always defer to you. If there's anything that I say or do that makes you feel uncomfortable, I want you to let me know because I want to make every part of you feel like you can just correct me or have me fix the way I'm doing things, okay? Is that okay?

Yes.

Okay, thank you. So I want to invite you to just start by noticing your breath. You can close your eyes or keep them open, okay? Yeah, just start by noticing your breath. Notice that feeling of when it goes in through your nose and out through your mouth. Good. Notice the temperature. It comes and goes. And if it feels okay, Iris, slow that breath down and deepen it a little bit. Oh, sorry. If it's okay, Iris, deepen your breath and slow it down a little bit. Can you hear me? Okay, thank you for correcting me. Good. So now, Iris, I want to invite you to see yourself somewhere out in nature, somewhere beautiful. Maybe you've been there, maybe it's in your imagination. A place where you feel comfortable and safe. Can you describe that when you come there? The ocean. The ocean, okay. Can you describe what you're seeing in front of you?

I see the ocean.

I see the palm trees.

I see the sun.

Sunny. Oh, beautiful. And are you resting on the beach or standing? Where are you? I'm on a hammock. On a hammock. Beautiful. Okay, so just notice, allow yourself to arrive in this beautiful tropical paradise. Notice the sun. As the last warm rays touch your face, maybe there's a soft breeze. You can hear the soft ocean waves running up the beach and back down. Good. Would that be okay if we do a little exploring? Okay, okay. All right, so when you're ready, turn around and stand up. Feel the soft grains of sand as they— as your feet rest In that softness.

Good. Mm-hmm.

So you, as you look down the beach, you notice there's a path and it goes into the trees a little bit. Would that be okay if you go there, check it out? If that's not okay, then let me know. It's not okay. Okay, that's fine. So I want to invite you to notice a feeling in this place. What is the feeling here? Danger. Danger. Okay, where do you feel like you need to go or be so that you can feel safe?

Into the water.

Into the water. Okay, walk into the water. Notice that it's warm. Is that okay if it's warm? Mm-hmm. Feel your body. As you walk deeper and deeper into the water, what's happening now?

I'm going under the water.

Is this okay with you? Mhm. Okay, go into the water. So I want to take you to a place where you can meet with these different parts of you. Would that be okay? Where would you like to meet with them? Can you go under the water and just go wherever you want, or do you need to get into a boat and go somewhere else? I could swim in the water. Okay, all right. So find yourself swimming through the water. Feel warm. Ocean waves warming your body. Safe and comfortable here. I have a friend. You have a friend. Okay, can you describe that friend?

He's an octopus.

Oh, he's an octopus. Okay, what is his name?

I haven't named him and he hasn't told me.

Is that okay if you ask him?

I could?

Yeah, ask him. This might be someone you'd want to get to know, right? Is that okay? Okay. Can you turn your attention towards him and notice him? Is that okay?

He's little.

He's little. Can you— okay, so just notice him. How do you feel towards this little octopus? Protection. Protection. You feel protected, or he feels protective? I feel protected. You feel protective. Can I ask why?

The ocean is big, he's small.

Oh, I'm glad he has you. What would you like to do to help this octopus to feel safe and protected? Find him a home. Find him a home. Is that okay if you ask this octopus Are you a part of me? I could. Is that okay if you ask him? Are you part of me? Just wait and see how he responds. What did he say? Yes, he's a part of you. Okay, so here, does— is he aware that you are actually here with him?

I'm sorry, I didn't hear you.

Oh, is he aware that you are here with him? Mm-hmm. Okay, is that okay if you introduce yourself to him? This is your true self. Wise, compassionate, loving.

It makes me cry.

Why do you feel like crying? Can I ask that? Because it's more like octopus.

Octopus.

Okay, what about that being more like Father makes you sad. Notice that sadness. How are you feeling about the sadness? Is it too much or is it okay?

I've never gotten over it. You never will have gotten over it.

Oh, what happened to your father? Can I ask? If that's not okay, then we don't need to go there. Or if you need to, take your time.

He came to see me on my birthday. Um, with another woman. I was 5. And then he left and I never saw him again.

I'm so sorry. Can you say hello to this little young part that's here right now? She's 5 years old and she's telling you what happened. Ask her if that's okay. Is it okay? How is she responding to you? She's hugging me. Okay, let her feel your warmth and love. How do you feel towards this little girl? Sorrow. Yeah. And what she had to go through. She never saw her father again. Is this too much for you? Is this okay? Tell me how you are doing. Can you tell me where in your body you're experiencing this? Feeling right here. Is that okay if you keep your hand there to let this girl know you are here with her? And I'm here with you. They love this little girl. She's precious. And it is hard to lose your father like this. It's tragic. So much, you did. You loved him. That little girl loved him so much. How did she feel when he walked away?

I think we both felt the same thing, but he couldn't stay. My mother was hard. My mother was hard.

And you understood that as a young girl? No. Oh, you understand that now. Yeah. Okay. Can you ask this little girl to turn around and look at you? Your true self, your eternal, filled with light and love. All the love she ever needs is right here with you. Is she willing to turn around and look at you and see you? Ask her. You are in there. You're here with her. Her sadness is big and it's deep, and that's okay. Is there anything she needs to tell you or share with you? How she feels. She's feeling very alone. Yeah. Everyone—

no one explained anything.

No one explained anything. No adults. This is tragic. She needed someone to explain to her.

They were all so hard.

They were hard. Is that okay if I come and sit with you, with her? Or do you want someone else from the other side of the veil to come and be with you and her? My father. Ask your father to come and be with her and with you. Poppy. Let her cry. Hello, Poppy. Ernesto, please, por favor. I feel so much compassion. Passion and love for that little girl. How do you feel towards her as you listen to her share her story with your father?

I wish when she was crying and they were all holding her back—

You wish that she was crying? No, I wish When she was crying and my grandmother was holding me back, holding— that they would have let her go. Yeah, that she could have run to him. Can she run to him now? Yes. Let her run into his arms. What is she doing? She's running down. Let her run down to his arms. How is she responding?

She's pleading.

What does she need to say to him? Don't go.

She's saying, I need you.

Good.

She needs to tell him how she feels. I'm proud of her for doing that. Takes a lot of bravery to do that. What else does she need to say to him?

Don't leave me with her.

Take me with you. Is he listening to her? No. What does she need right now? Can you go to her, get down on her level, and look her in the eyes? She might be really blended with you right now, and that's understandable. Turning around and seeing you here is scary, but it doesn't mean you're leaving or going anywhere. Your true self is here with her. She doesn't need to go anywhere. You want her. You love her. How is she responding to you?

She's looking at me.

Good.

Look her in the eyes. You can feel in your heart what she needs to hear and feel from you. What is that?

I'm telling her not to worry.

Okay, how is she responding to you?

She's looking at both of us. She's torn.

She is torn. This is so heart. Ask that part of you that doesn't want her to worry to step beside— behind you and look over your shoulder while you sit with her. When it's your true self, yourself is okay with her worries and sadness. We get that that part is worried. It's okay. We just ask that worried part to step aside a little bit so you can be with her. She needs you.

She can see me older.

Okay, what is she feeling? What is she seeing?

She's seeing me as a mother.

How do you feel towards her? I love her. Let her know. I love you.

I love you.

I won't desert you. Exactly. You will never leave her. She is a precious part of you. She belongs right here in your heart where she can never ever go away. How does she feel about that? Peaceful. What does she need from you? Guidance. Okay, can you take her hand and take her away from this sad place? Take her to a place where she feels safe and loved. Take her home. Take her wherever she needs to be with you. Breathe into this moment with her. She can feel your love whenever you breathe into this moment. It breathes right into her. She can feel it in her body. Where do you find yourself now?

In a home.

Okay.

And she's, she's still in pain today.

You know, that's okay, right? She needs to be able to be in pain and feel safe and loved.

Even though she needs guidance, I've needed guidance.

Yeah.

I've tried to be a good mother.

Yeah.

With her looking on. I've tried to be everything my own mother wasn't.

I'm so proud of you. So what does she see when she looks at you?

Strength.

Strength. What else? Love. Love. Is there anything else she sees? Teacher. You are her teacher. You have infinite capacity to love and teach and guide her. It's always been there, it's just been hidden. Can you open up your heart and let her in. She has a special place in your heart. Can you take her to your home and show her around? Introduce her. To your wife, to your kids that are grown?

She knows them.

Okay.

She knows each and every one of them.

Of course she does. She's been watching them.

She's been protecting them.

Ah, yeah, such a big job for her for being so young. How does she feel about working with you instead of doing it alone?

It'll be a lot easier.

She's only a little girl. She's a little girl. What would she like to do? She like to play outside in the sunshine? What would she like to do? Even if she can just take a little break.

She likes to read.

Read. Does she want you to read, or does she want to read by herself?

She loves to read either way.

Okay, let her do that. She can do as much of that as she wants to. She needs that. She needs to be a little kid. Yeah, she's worked so hard. She's been so dedicated. I'm so proud of her. How do you feel towards her?

Love her.

You love her. I don't know, you know, she's, she's perfect. And what?

She's just this Cute little thing.

She's cute.

She's kind of chubby.

She's got so much love in her heart. She does.

She has Bonnie's hair.

She's just—

I've always loved her, but I've never really felt her before like now. Oh, I don't know how my father could have left her.

She's beautiful and cute. How could anyone ever leave her? But you're never gonna leave her. She belongs right here in your heart, and all you have to do is breathe into that moment, and she will know you're there when you're doing the dishes, when you're laying in bed. Doing any number of little things. Let her know I'm here, and when she's ready to lay down that burden, she can. Probably feels kind of different for her to be working with you officially, huh?

Yeah, yeah, she has She loved her father as she disliked her mother.

That makes sense. Yeah. Does that make sense to you?

All my life I've tried to analyze my mother.

Yeah.

And I couldn't— never really Until recently did I see the true self of her.

Mm-hmm. And what did you see?

That she was a little girl in pain.

Mm-hmm. So true, Iris. Profound truth. And now you care, you're caring for this little girl. That's right. Right, she is taken care of forever by you. She will continue to grow and learn with your help. How does she feel about staying here with you forever?

Oh, I think she's found home.

Oh, absolutely. I think all children They do, they do, and they have that home with you, and they have— my children have my home with me. They belong. So we need to be where they belong. And if our parents can't give that to our little kids inside, we can give that to them ourselves. Because you've been here all along. You know exactly what it feels like for her to be her. You've watched her, though she may not have been aware of it. There may not have been a conscious awareness of that. Your spirit has always been here with her and loved her. This is the beginning of a beautiful relationship with her. So just take some nice deep breaths. Is that okay if you check in with her later? Okay. How would she like you to check in with her? I don't know. Ask her.

Oh, ask her.

She might want you to touch your heart. Just breathe. She's still carrying the birth. She's got you now. That makes sense? Yes, ma'am. Yeah, she's safe with you. She's not in a sad place anymore. You did good work, Iris. Thank you. Thank you for trusting me. Can I hug you? Yes. Do you have any questions for me.

How did this happen? It was just all of a sudden I'm sitting here with some stranger, and now I'm crying, and I'm just wondering because Kimmy told— Bonnie, she told me her experience and, and things, and I'm just wondering how did this happen?

Because this is who you really are. It's easy. We find access to your true self. We ask those worried or sad or overwhelmed parts to give you space to be with her. And they did. They trusted you. The worried part, the overwhelmed sad part, they gave you space to be with her.

So this is like, I've been carrying this thing with with my dad forever.

You went right to the place where you needed to go. Isn't that— your system knows where you need to go. That's why I always say, I always divert to my clients. I support my clients in creating a place where they feel like they can open up. Okay, thank you. You know, once you've seen that, you want under the ocean to feel safe. Yeah. And I, I appreciate that we had an experience where, uh, Patricia Ogden was like, let's go into the jungle.

I said, no, let's go into the ocean.

Yeah, he didn't feel safe going there. And I think that's proof that your subconscious knows where exactly she needs to go, where exactly you need to go, and who you need to speak with, and what needs to be addressed, and how to do it. And notice how gentle that was. There's no pushing, right? So it was really interesting that you were able to tap into— when, when you have a practitioner that will let you go where you need to go you can go there safely. Because if I had taken you into the, you know, the trees and stuff, your parts would not have been safe to come out. They would not have felt safe. But we took them where they needed to go. I've never had a client go into the ocean or the beach, but that's where she needed to go. And so I go where my clients need to go. It just, it happens the way that it's supposed to. And an important thing that I've learned And we've talked about this first in that first demo with you, is that as, as a practitioner, I feel like it's so important for me to let go of any agenda that I have. That's why I always ask permission. How does that feel? Is that okay? And we go where you need to go, which makes it a really, really safe place to go deep fast. We went deep really fast with her, really fast, and we went to a part of her that needed to, needed to feel loved and not abandoned. Or what would, what's the right word that you would use for her? What was that feeling that she was feeling?

I think it was abandonment.

Abandonment.

Because that's who she wanted to be with was her father.

Father.

She didn't want to be with the other parent. She was afraid of the other parent.

So it was, um, that's understandable why she wanted to go with your dad. Yeah.

And I think maybe the forest represented something about that.

Yeah.

And the ocean represents my father, you know. Um, you know, my dad was very fluid He was a very loving human being, and I always felt safe with him. We would dance and he would twirl me around. And, and, um, even though it was my mother who taught me how to swim, it was like my dad that, um, I just always felt safe in his arms.

No wonder that little girl was so heartbroken and born for the rest of her life until now.

Yeah, and I, I know I have a brother in Puerto Rico, and, um, so it's just kind of like when I— when Bonnie told me he had died, it just broke my heart because it had always been my, my dream to visit him and to say This is me. This is what I became. This is your daughter. You can be proud of me. And I never got a chance to do that. So hopefully in the hereafter, I'll be able to.

I hope so. Yeah, have the reunion. Yeah, I hope so. Do you, um, it's so different from when I did it. It was just fascinating to watch someone else. I sat in the meadow when different parts sat across from me in a circle, and the semi-circle was really interesting. And you saw an octopus.

Yeah, isn't that so adorable?

Isn't that interesting? As soon as I said I want to take you to a place where you can meet your parts. The octopus popped in.

Yeah, that's my favorite sea creature. It is. And you know, I feel very protective over octopuses. They're very intelligent. They're one of the most intelligent, and they're also very loving towards humans if you get to know them. It takes years to get to know octopuses.

It would— she might even be the reason why you and I got to this. She might be. How do you feel right now, Mom?

I mean, clearly that part, she still has pain. Yeah, understandably.

Yeah, I mean, it makes sense. Do you, uh—

I feel worn out.

Oh, sure.

Yeah, she's sick. Very well. Yeah, that's a long-term illness, so But do you feel like you can, you can speak to her and get to know her more? Do you feel like she'll be able to find healing? Do you find— do you feel like there's hope there, or how do you feel?

I'm gonna try to talk to her. Excuse me. Um, maybe during one of my meditations. I can sit there and just see what happens.

Yeah.

You know, I'm not gonna push it.

Yeah.

You know, I'm gonna just see what happens. My mother recently died, and I'm still dealing with that. How do I feel about that?

Yeah.

You know, I don't really know. I haven't really—

that's a lot to process for a long time.

I think it is because I don't really mourning. It's not like I'm really mourning her, but every now and then I, I, something will remind me of her and then I start crying, you know, and I think, why am I crying? You know, and it's so, it surprises me.

Um, there might be a part of you that misses what you didn't have with her.

Oh boy.

I was just thinking, I think that feeling of getting conflicted is where IFS came from.

Yeah.

Because the point of IFS, um, to explain to everybody— no, no, no, you're good. Just to explain, I just want to make sure my voice is being heard on the thing. Um, I don't mean to be seen. I just want to make sure my voice is being heard, but I guess I can pack this up. It's, um, the point of IFS is that this feeling of confliction, right? Like, part of me feels, um, a part of you might feel like when Grandma died, um, I was telling, uh, one, and on one of our sessions we actually worked on this because I was really struggling, um, because I wasn't— a part of me wasn't feeling sad yet. I didn't miss her yet. I was feeling relief because I'd been the caregiver for her and Grandpa, and I was feeling like, oh man, that is like awful. I'm a terrible human being that I don't feel grief. I don't miss her yet. I, I now do. I've worked through, through these stages. And anyway, a part of me felt that way. Part of me was bugged at myself for feeling this way. Part of me was feeling protective over you, and part of me was angry that I was made executor. Part of me was tired. I was so tired of being caregiver and feeling like the worst mother ever, that I was abandoning my children because here I was taking care of Grandpa and Grandma. There were so many parts that wanted to talk, so many parts. And, and I still haven't addressed each, each part, right? And I think that's what's beautiful about IFS is that you can identify which of these parts needs, needs the voice and which of these parts needs to be healed and needs to be loved and needs compassion, right? And let's take addiction or suicide ideation. The suicide part who's feeling alone or depressed or at their end of their rope can be acknowledged instead of being shamed, right? Because sometimes we feel like, um, we don't talk about suicide, right? We feel ashamed or embarrassed for feeling this way. How can I— you know, I know I was brought up in a Christian home, I know suicide is evil, I know it's bad, right? Like these different things that come to our minds. And yet what that part needs is love.

Just love.

That part needs acceptance. Yeah, it needs compassion. Same with the addicted part. Let's take somebody who might be struggling with pornography, right? Like, talk about the shame and the embarrassment and the feelings there. Yeah, that part needs love and compassion and acceptance.

And what ends up happening when you love that part is it starts to open up and tell you the secrets it's holding. Yes. And why it's there.

And it starts to unburden itself. It starts is just say, okay, you see me in my true self. I'm not being judged, I'm being loved. That means I can now give you the pain that I'm feeling. Yeah, I can now let it go.

Yeah.

And that's what makes IFS so powerful, is it shows you where you need to go and where the hurt is and allows you to, when you're ready— I think that's the beautiful part is when you're ready. Your, your 5-year-old self wasn't ready to let go of its pain today, and that's okay. Yeah, that's 100% okay. Yeah, she can hold on to it for as long as she needs. Yeah, and your true self will continue loving her. And as you love her and give her that compassion and show up for her, she will feel safe enough to let go. Yeah, and that happens because of yourself, not because of Tricia or anybody else, but because of you having that power.

I can't help you. I can support a loving space and I can guide the client, but they need— our parts need us because we know exactly how they feel. We may have— we may walk through the same experience someone, but we're still going to experience it differently, uniquely us. And who better to validate and empathize with these different aspects of us that are wounded than our true self that has been there the whole way? Wow.

Our true self is, in my, in my belief system, is connected to God. And our true self is This might sound sacrilegious, so I hesitate saying this this way, but I believe that our true self is his love and that we have his wisdom and his love within us. Yeah, and that is why we can facilitate that healing.

Yeah, child of God. I believe that it means we have God in us too. Being a child, that's what makes each of these sessions so powerful, because you can feel that the spirit so closely. I, I felt Grandpa Mom when you were talking to him.

My dad?

Your dad.

He was here holding you and saying, I'm sorry.

And he was only human.

Yeah, sure, he was doing what he thought was the right thing to do, and according to the law, it was.

They always gave the child to the woman. They did. And, um, didn't really matter what I thought. They didn't ever ask the child. They didn't, you know, even though I would have wanted to stay with my dad, you know.

Yeah.

And maybe God had a reason for me to stay with my dad— with my mom, because I would have been a different person had I gone to Puerto Rico with my dad. So, you know, my English would have sounded really funny.

Sure, you never know where your path's gonna lead, right?

Yeah.

Does anybody have any questions before we wrap up?

Yeah, um, okay, um, but do these type of sessions work for someone who might feel like they're in themselves is not ready?

Yeah, so present self is not ready to Yeah, I have a client that she's got complex PTSD, really, really serious issues from childhood. I've been working with her since the beginning of May, and it's really hard for her to be self-led, to be able to be with these different wounded parts of her, but we've been able to make significant progress with her. She was diagnosed with bipolar She's somewhat autistic and struggles with depression as well. She, within 3 months of working with her, she's not yelling at her husband anymore. Yeah. We found through her history that there were some really, really terrible things that happened to her, which is understandable why we might not be able to trust our true self if it's going to abandon us in our time of need. Yeah, there are people who've experienced really bad things and it's hard for them to trust, right?

So you just very gently—

I just offer myself energy. Ah, okay, a safe place for her to bring her wounded parts and we just love on them a lot and she's doing better. We're getting there. Yeah, it's amazing.

Thank you everyone for being here. Just a reminder, if you were watching, um, if you if you were watching, um, this live on the Facebook or here obviously in the house, um, sweet Patricia has offered free 30-minute session if you would like to take advantage of that.

And everyone—

yes, oh yes, so she'll give me the link and I'll send that to everybody. And then also, um, um, I'll go through and, and write down everybody who is here so that she can enter you into the drawing to receive 3 free sessions, which is so nice of her. And Um, sounds like a child is, is telling us it's over. So thank you everybody, um, for being here. Uh, please stay tuned for other episodes. Um, again, I'll link down below for the previous interview so you can learn more about Tricia's story and how it works. We go into greater detail about sessions and stuff, but it was amazing. Mom, thank you so much for being willing to open up.

That was— you were so vulnerable.

And shared some really special, some really deep, very special things. Thank you so much.

It's much easier to talk when your eyes are closed. I was afraid to open my eyes. I didn't want to see anybody's reactions to me, so I kept them closed.

Yeah, that's true.

All right, thanks everybody. Bye.