Everyday Entrepreneur - Tara Halliday - Complete Success - S2 E4

Hello everyone and welcome again to another episode of The Everyday Entrepreneur on the Popery Place podcast show. I'm your host, Paul H. Flowers Jr., and I couldn't be more excited today than to bring from, as I like to say, across the pond, a phenomenal young lady. She has gone through great lengths to make sure that all of our listeners here will get the most impact from this conversation. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome Miss Tara Halliday to the stage. Tara, how are you, my friend?

Thank you very much, Paul. I'm very well, thank you.

Excellent, excellent, excellent. So, um, Tara, as we get a chance to really open up and converse with the audience, We always like to start off with just a little bit of, uh, who you are, where you're from, what you're up to, and then we'll grow the conversation organically from there.

Yeah. So, um, I've been a holistic therapist and coach for 25 years now, but before that I was an engineer. So I've shifted from engineering, engineering stuff to engineering people. Which is really what I do. And my focus is high performance, leadership, business owners, and eliminating imposter syndrome, which is probably the biggest block to personal high performance that is out there.

Absolutely. Definitely familiar with it. And for my Audible listeners out there, you can't see me raising my hand like, hi, me too, right? I mean, because there's often things that will get in a person's way. So let's, let's talk about maybe why imposter syndrome as a focus for you. Of course, you know, in, in terms of helping others in high-level and high-executive coaching, you know, people like to go and touch everything. Well, you know, maybe it was the childhood trauma, maybe it was this, it was that. Um, but imposter syndrome, that's really specific. So Why that? Why now?

Yeah, so that was kind of a following the breadcrumbs thing for me. So I was working as a, as I said, a holistic therapist, and I noticed that some clients kept coming back, right? And they're supposed to have a transformation and move on, and they kept coming back. I was becoming a crutch for them, and that wasn't how it was supposed to work. So I started digging in, okay, trying to understand why. And I came across beliefs that it was certain beliefs, and then it turned out to be a very specific belief that was identified back in the 1950s when they thought the brain couldn't change. Now we know that the brain can. Anyway, so this belief is that our worth as a person depends on what we do. Our worth is conditional. You do something good, you are a good person. You do something bad, you are a bad person. So So I trained in that work, and this is a belief that's unconscious for the most, most people. People don't really recognize it in themselves. They just notice that they are uncomfortable and not happy and things like that. And one of my clients, I trained in this, and one of my clients said, is this imposter syndrome? And I said, well, I don't know. Let me have a look. So then I went and researched, and I found that all of the symptoms of this conditional worth are an exact match for the symptoms of imposter syndrome. And because the conditional worth is deeper level, it's like, it's the root cause of imposter syndrome. And because people can recognize imposter syndrome in terms of symptoms and, and the way they're thinking and feeling, that's why I decided to, to niche down and really focus on imposter syndrome, because people can recognize it. And the solution is to change that conditional worth to unconditional worth.

I love it. I love it. Conditional worth. So in other words, I wouldn't value myself unless these certain things were happening, right? Unless A was showing up, then I wouldn't feel worthy. Is that what I'm getting when I'm hearing conditional worth?

Yeah, we wouldn't even notice it as conditional worth, but we might feel it as I don't feel good enough or I don't feel quite good enough. You know, I know logically that I'm a successful business owner or successful executive. I'm capable, I'm competent. But inside, I've got some self-doubt. I think people might find me out. I'm wondering, you know, or I'm pushing myself really hard to prove that I'm good enough, you know, prove, be perfectionist and things like that. So yeah.

Got it. Got it. Well, I appreciate you again coming on. And what we like to say is not gatekeeping, right? Just kind of dropping the gems right away. Sometimes you have people in professions and prominent positions that don't necessarily like to expose like some of the inner workings of how, uh, their, their practice operates or the thing that they're treating operates. So it's always a pleasure to have guests on that will be okay with talking about these things because we're all here to make an impact. Okay. And for my listeners out there, again, we're going to give a chance at the end for everyone to learn how to connect with Miss Tara and again, learn more about imposter syndrome and how she's there to assist and help you and your practice come to that next level. So I'd like to ask you, Terri, you'd mentioned prior to engineering people, right? So to speak, uh, you are an engineer. Now that, that in and of itself has a ton of questions in there, but if we could specifically maybe talk about the, the transition to becoming, or so to leaving the engineering field. And starting to engineer people instead.

Yeah, so, so to get that transition, you have to get a previous transition. So when I was, um, in careers counseling classes at, I think, 13 years, they, they said, what do you want to be when you grow up? And, and I wanted to be a psychologist. So I go home and I tell my family, hey, look, I want to be a psychologist, and they say, no, no, There's no money in that. You want to, you need to get a proper job. And that's how I ended up in engineering. And I had a 10-year career in engineering until I finally came across, I really feel like I was led, but I came across some training that I could do that, you know, in a 4-year degree program in holistic therapy that, that find. So that transition from engineering to, to holistic therapy and coaching was actually a coming back to what I'd always wanted to do.

I like that, especially when you— thank you also for sharing the— oftentimes what we'll hear are that we have good people in our lives that point us in the right directions and support us and, you know, aim us into the goals and dreams that are there for us. And then there's the ones that they think are best for us. So you've got a really interesting dynamic there, and For our listeners out there, when we were saying that she was an engineer, we're not just talking at bachelor's level work here. You went on and got your doctorate, was that right?

I did, yes. I got it.

Needless to say, I think she knows a bit about a bit and how to break things down in a scientific way, as well as now having gone through that additional schooling a more holistic way. In terms of how to— I'll call it again— engineer people. One of the things I love about the science field is that at its core, it seems to have a lot of practical use in places that we would consider not so sciency, right? Like building people. Because you think engineer, you think architectural, structural, and breaking down things on a molecular level. And then you think people, right, has nothing to do with stuff. It's how we're trained again. And coming from a science background myself, I often understand that there's science in everything. So from your perspective, how would you say that your background, although again, we can admit that family could have, you know, guided you in a slightly different direction, how would you say that your background actually helped you to perform more effectively and more efficiently at this point as an imposter syndrome specialist?

Yeah, so it's been immensely helpful. I mean, first, doing the PhD teaches you how to be a researcher. And what I've done in terms of my work with people in imposter syndrome research, I reviewed all of the literature on, you know, academic literature on imposter syndrome, what's been published, you know, not just taking people's word for it, but looking for the right science behind it, and then looking for a way to, um, to actually resolve the root cause of it. I came across a process, and then I applied everything from my engineering, you know, throughout the bits that don't have any proof in research, you know, explain why. I'm always looking for why and put it together, um, this, this work together in a way that is repeatable for everyone. And with a deep understanding of the neuroscience then behind it.

And I think that really makes a difference. Again, with all due respect to all coaches and leadership trainers out there in the world, there's, there's a difference between being well-read versus well-researched. And, you know, we can read a thing or two about a thing or two and call ourselves an expert, but you've taken deep dives into various topics in and around the mind and the interconnectedness between these things that happen to us, as well as again the syndromes that you're here specifically treating on today. So I'd like to talk again just about your own beliefs for a moment coming into the actual training and development field. Now again, making that transition from a traditional engineer into a leadership trainer, uh, it's, it's a, it's a big leap, right? One would say it's significantly different from traditional engineering. And in that respect, what were some of the hurdles that you might have initially overcome or dealt with? And you could tell us how you overcame them as well, but what were some of those initial hurdles in making that transition?

I think the very first transition, the hurdle in the transition rather, is that You know, by the time I'd had this rather nice career in engineering, I was very well paid.

That's right.

And to start your own business, whatever that business is, when you're in very solid, reliable, well-paid employment is hard. And for me, it took— I had a back injury where I had to— I couldn't sit down for 3 months, and that kind of ended my career in engineering. But I wouldn't be surprised if that was, you know, a little bit subconscious. That's what I was like, it's the only way I would get out of it because I was very— Yeah, so it's like, how do I? So that was a big hurdle. And the other hurdle actually comes from the researching. And this is something I still struggle with is that when you're doing research, the way that you talk about things are very factual. There's no emotions, you know, often in the passive tense, you know, we, you know, this was done, right? So this is why academic writing is really boring because there's no humanity in it, there's no emotion in it, and it's not supposed to have it, right? It's supposed to be just the facts. So my writing, when I write about things, and you talk about, you know, when I wrote my book, I have to really work hard to overcome that habitual boring writing, you know, lack of humanity writing, and really make the effort to bring in the emotion, the people, the feeling to it.

Okay. Well, if nothing else, it makes it a lot more enjoyable. Okay. I don't think many of our non-scientific readers would thoroughly enjoy a writing on, again, the scientific method as even a baseline.

Yes, yes.

Then again, you know, we have those weird quirks. So hey, to all my nerd family out there, let's do this thing. Now, you'd mentioned earlier that you felt that you were almost led in this direction. Uh, again, as a person of science, there's always the supposed conflicting beliefs between faith and facts. So if you would share a bit about how faith in your journey. And again, not necessarily to go down a religious rabbit hole.

Yeah.

But if you would discuss how faith in your journey has helped you become the successful entrepreneur that you are today.

So the being led to what I did, so I was talking to a friend of mine, as you know, in my engineering, talking to a friend of mine. And She was telling me how ill she was, and I had some experiences. I felt my hands grow hot, and, you know, very strange experiences. I could feel movement and stuff with my hands off her body. Really, really strange out there, which I believed none of. Absolutely nothing. And so what I did is I went to try and understand it. So then I opened a newspaper that I never usually read, and there was a person there talking about something that I'd experienced. And then I followed her and she'd been trained with this particular person and they'd written a couple of books. So I went to the bookstore and I read the books. So you can see my research of that coming in there. And it resonated, what was written resonated. Oh, okay, that explains these experiences that I've had, strange though they are. And that led me to a workshop and I was signed up to the workshop. And then I got a call from a friend who I hadn't talked to in 2 years and said, "Hey, there's this workshop coming up, I think." And I'm like, "Okay, I get it, I'm going." I understand. It felt like it was a, it was, it was a push. And, you know, you can look at it from a very factual saying that's just a string of coincidences. But it was a string of coincidences that I decided I was going to follow.

I love it. So again, in that regard, you've made some good choices. You've obviously said yes. And, and because you said yes to those quote unquote string of coincidences, here we are today, right? More than a decade in, you've assisted countless individuals, which you have no clue how far their impact has gone. So let's talk about that, just kind of following in on those intuitions or following those hunches. Again, I like having this conversation because you come from a science background, so it, it makes it a little bit more interesting to hear your perspective versus, with all due respect to my listeners out there, a layperson who's not inside the field of science, just because again, there's typically a lot of, um, head, you know, you, you can't, people can't see my hands hitting each other, but there's a lot of head bashing when it comes between, you know, science and for all intents and purposes, I'll call it faith, just kind of following a hunch, if you will. So if you would share with us about that, you know, the power of yes in terms of following hunches and moving and progressing to that next level versus being anti or critical all the time.

Yeah, you know, I find this fascinating because if we go back to what the scientific method is, like really, really basics, it's about observation, about being curious to understand why. That's it. And so many scientific breakthroughs have come come about simply because people observed something and thought about why. You know, I think penicillin was a classic one. Some mold grew in a dish and it's like, "Oh, why?" Yeah? So I think what scientists or the scientific community do in criticizing new ideas actually is going against the— what is actually the natural human desire and motivation to explore our universe. So I don't see me following why as being anything unscientific. The way I do it might be systematic, yes, but I think the essence of science is, you know, our human adventurous exploratory nature.

Okay, okay, excellent. Well, we've, um, not touched on a few of the things that of course I like to, to ask questions about. So we've talked about the essentially the journey, how it got started, some of the transition. And if you would share with us again from a familial standpoint, uh, how does family have an impact in this particular realm, right? Because you have to have the support system, you have to have again those in and around you. And I don't necessarily mean only nuclear family, but of course you can extend that as far as you're comfortable. And how does family play a role in making this transition into an entrepreneur and growing a practice?

I think it's absolutely essential. I have done business development, entrepreneur development courses to help me in that transition. You mentioned transition. I have done courses in that, and one of the most valuable things that I found in those programs is to be with like-minded people who are in that same situation as you, and those become your support. Because as an entrepreneur, there's a lot of people who are afraid of basically starting a new business on your behalf, you know, just like, you know, being a well-paid engineer. My family freaked out that I didn't. Yeah, so my nuclear family, my biological family, didn't get the drive, didn't get the, um, hope and confidence in, yeah, this is something that is absolutely doable because they'd come from a background which is you get a good job and that pays the bills and then you're safe and then eventually you'll get a good pension. So I think building your family, building your support family from people who understand or experiencing themselves and taking your inspiration for people who've gone through that journey themselves, that's the greatest support that you can give. And And sometimes it's not fair to ask your biological family to do that because they've got their own viewpoint that, that's not the same as yours.

Right, right. And experiences are different. We'll call it the intuitions are different, right? Following the breadcrumbs for them might lead them on a different path. And they might not understand that your breadcrumbs are for you. So support, right, and having that supportive circle is amazingly important. And you outlined something really good. Of meaning having people that have gone that path. So if you would share with us the mentor, because you've mentioned a few people that you'd followed, right? How was that journey for you, and how important specifically was it to have someone who had taken those steps before?

That was absolutely essential for me. Um, you know, as, as I mentioned, Dana, I, I like to research things. Well, you research anything, particularly now we've got Google and AI. You research anything and you've got a whole load of different opinions, right? You need to do, you need to do this, and then someone else going, oh no, you don't, don't, that's 10 years out of date, you need to do this, you need to do that. Yeah, so, so what I was looking for was some, was, was somebody say, okay, this is stuff that's up to the minute, right? This is stuff that's working right now. So rather than me trying to trying to reinvent the wheel and figure out how to develop a business when I know nothing about running a business. I went to, you know, a program that had, you know, a really good track record. They've got people there who've done this themselves, and they're teaching people how to do it. And not just one aspect, but the whole of— I mean, it was a business development program that I went on, so it's all aspects of the business. And that for me gave me then the confidence that I would be able to, to, to make it work. Cause I, I could, I could have spent years chasing my tail trying to figure out how to do something.

And a lot of times we, we do that, right? We will, uh, ignore advice or think we've got a better way, right? With having no track record, no nothing. And not realize that again, there's a shortcut to success, right? There, there's a shortcut. There truly is the shortest distance. And here we go bringing in science again, right? Now we'll call this topography or, or something to that effect, mapping things out. The— there's a shortcut to success. There's the A to B that we always hear about, and oftentimes people like to go in so many different directions right now. Again, if you lend your expertise, why is that? Why can the answer be right there in front of us, yet we want to go and figure it out some other way, right? We want to do it some other way.

Yeah, I, I think it's because we're not, we're not getting the feedback. Um, there's a— so yeah, there used to be a time hundreds of years ago where ships sailing even, you know, between Europe and America, they would lose some of their sailors on the way. They used to be several months at sea and the sailors, you know, a portion of them were dead. And for the long, you know, the global world traveling ships, they would expect to lose about 50% of their crew. And they had no idea why. And so, There were loads and loads of different ideas why, because everyone's obviously trying to solve this problem about why. And the answer was it was scurvy that was killing them, which is a lack of vitamin C. And it was actually identified 100 years before the navies actually started carrying lemons, limes, and oranges on a regular basis. Wow. Because there was so much noise, because there's so many competing theories, and they didn't know what they were trying to solve, but everyone was scrabbling for it. So I think that's it, the noise out there in terms of what is the right thing to do is why it can take 100 years for a practice to be proven effective and used, starting to be used by everyone. So.

I mean, there's, there's so much information now out there. You know, there's, like you mentioned, there's Google, there's AI, and to your point, I guess that can also bring about a lot of noise when a person might be searching for a solution or working to find an answer. Uh, in your experience, especially when someone's seeking out services such as yours, how would a person sift through the noise and best identify that person or company or program that would work best for them?

Yeah, so, and I see this all the time, you know, there are influencers who are saying, oh, this is imposter syndrome, which is feeling like a fraud when you're not a fraud. And that's what imposter syndrome is, feeling that self-doubt. And some, you know, there's an influence saying, well, so many people have it because it affects over 70% of people, right? So many people have it that it's just It's part and parcel of being a human, you know, get over it. And you have other people saying, well, it affects women more than men, it's something to do with being a woman, which it isn't. And there are people who say, well, this is just part of your personality, or people saying, oh, it's because you care. So all of this, this is the noise, right? This is all the thing with all of that is that it's not proven, right? So if I were going to research, if I was coming fresh to imposter syndrome and trying to figure out in this noise, all of this noise, How do I know what works? You know, there's a beautifully written article in a newspaper or a magazine or on the internet and it resonates and they've got some suggestions. So, as a researcher I say, okay, show me the data. This is for me. So, there is data about imposter syndrome and this is just only a few years old, like 3 or 4 in the last 5 years, basically. So, um, online training— so I'm looking at research studies now— online training will get about 20% improvement in the symptoms of imposter syndrome. Um, coaching will get about 26%. Doing self-compassion training, which is interesting, will get about 30% improvement. So I, I went in and I got the data on the program that I run, Inner Success, and 68% improvement on the symptoms of imposter syndrome. So that's what I would use to say, does this work? I would always look for the proof of it.

Okay. And again, that's really important also to find ultimately the success stories. Right. To note that there's a light at the end of the tunnel, again, for most people that are going through something. And that gives, again, an essence of hope, if you will. Not necessarily my favorite term to put in there, but it's the best thing that I can come up with at the moment. We have a sense of hope that there's a way out for whatever it is that we're struggling with. And imposter syndrome, that can be a tough one because, again, you can feel that at every stage. Of your growth. So how can our listeners identify if they're coming up with, you know, without having to go and find the 20 different sources on Google? How can they identify several things that might let them know that they're suffering from imposter syndrome?

Yeah, so the symptoms— there's 3 groups of symptoms from imposter syndrome. One's the imposter syndrome thinking, which is where you've got the self-doubt, you think that maybe you've just got lucky with what you've done, and you didn't really earn it. You're overcritical to yourself, you feel that you're not quite good enough. So those are the imposter syndrome thoughts. That creates disturbance, stress in the body, and so you have a physiological reaction. So your body reacts, it goes into fight, flight, or freeze state. So it's reacting as if there were danger. It would affect your sleep, give you, you know, you'd have muscle tension, you'd feel anxiety and overwhelm. So this is like the physiological response. To try and cope with that, then there are these coping behaviors such as procrastination, perfectionism, comparing, over-preparing, feel like you need to get a few more qualifications, hiding your opinion, not avoiding opportunities. And these are all imposter syndrome behaviors that are basically a coping strategy. But when we see these behaviors, and they do impact our business, we then judge ourselves, and then that feeds into the imposter syndrome thinking. So you can see you're going around in this circle from the thoughts, the physiological response, to the behaviors. And those are all of the symptoms. And you, you'll see some of them, you'll have your own unique profile of them. But that's, um, but if you want to know, do I have imposter syndrome, there actually, there is actually a quiz that you can take with 20 questions. That answer it, and it'll give you a score of how significant imposter syndrome is in your life.

Perfect. Perfect. And because again, a lot of people want to know these steps and if they suffer from it, and if there's any specific quiz that you'd recommend, by all means, we can pop that in the show notes as well. Because it's important for us to begin to understand this journey, to be aware that there might be an issue. I think there's an old saying out there, the First steps in solution to a problem is being aware that there's a problem in the first place. And oftentimes it may take going through and getting that third-party validation to say, yes, you are experiencing signs and symptoms of X, right? So I can appreciate that. And I'm sure our listeners again, appreciate as well, being able to just identify where and how this comes from. So let's kind of fast forward to the solution. If you will. I know, again, uh, listeners, this isn't meant to be an all-inclusive, uh, conversation. So please, uh, we're going to make sure that we get Ms. Tara Halliday's information so that you can follow up and actually take the coaching. But if we were to just kind of jab in the arm, so to speak, and walk down that path of, of fixing this, right?

Yeah.

So now we've, we've understood that it's impacted us. We can see some of these coping signs that it's there. We've gotten the assessment. And realize that this is something that we're actually suffering with, how do we fix it?

Right. Well, you won't be surprised that I put together a very systematic program to do that.

Perfect.

Perfect. 8 steps. Basically, the first 3 are to calm, calm your nervous system, calm the behaviors, calm your environment, because you can't go changing your brain unless the brain is actually calm. So first 3 things, calm down. That in itself is useful. Then what we do is we clear that belief, that belief that our worth is conditional. And that then shifts everything because we stop taking things personally. We understand and have compassion for other people rather than reacting to it. So any reactivity goes away. Because we're calmer and we're thinking slightly differently about things, then we're seeing opportunities. We, you forget to doubt yourself when you clear this belief. And then the last part of the program is then to create success habits. So there's a whole load of personal development, personal growth, entrepreneur systems that you can use. But if you still have that block, of that belief of conditional worth, they're not as effective. So we go and we revisit them having cleared that block, and suddenly they're a lot more powerful. So it's 8 steps that build on each other to forget to doubt yourself.

Okay. And that, that was a nice little teaser in there. Again, we're going to make sure we know how to exactly find out the rest of those steps in the show notes. And as you all dive further into and connect with Tara after the show. So I like that one step though, um, clearing out. It makes me think of the mind almost as a, um, almost as a, uh, what's that thing called, like a hoarder, a garage, right, with a bunch of stuff, you know. So when I think of clearing it out, I think of the physical edifice of a garage, and there's all these things on the shelves, and there's all this stuff on the floor, and you know, you can't find the tools that you need, but they're there. Right? You just can't find them. So how do we begin to clear up our own mess? Let's say, because most people are aware, hey, there's something going on and, and I need some help, okay? How could a person start to clear up their own mess, right?

So, so the clearing we do— and I, and I love you bring it up because it's very specific— so there, there is a part of the brain, the fear center in the brain called the amygdala. And it has, if you like, a list of things that are dangerous, things that could be a threat, like a tiger in the room, for example, you know, a speeding car, a rock flying towards your head, right? The basic physical things. And what it does is it responds to those threats several milliseconds before we think about them. So it's an automatic response system. And the brain has this list of threats, and what we're doing to clear them out is we're systematically removing, like, the reference to a particular threat. We're removing the triggers to that reactivity. So we're taking away very specific things from its list of threats. So no longer is somebody being disappointed with you threat. No longer is someone being angry, no longer is someone being critical a threat. And when that happens, then we are free. So it really is this clearing out. So what we do in the program is this. What somebody can do for themselves, which is what you asked me, the simplest, easiest, fastest thing you can do is is change the way that you compare. So in a lot of imposter syndrome, you're comparing yourself to all of these other really successful people that you see around them who are doing fabulously, who look so confident and everything like that. And you're comparing how they look and their, their success to how you're feeling inside, which is not quite sure if you're quite good enough, um, you know, doubting yourself, feeling you just got lucky, maybe someone will find you out. So the brain is designed to look out for these dangers. It's designed to look for differences. So if you're driving down, you're driving down the road and you pass some fields and there's a bunch of cows there and there's a bright purple one, your brain will go, "Oh, look at that." You will notice it straight off, right? That's the thing. So your brain's always looking out for differences. When you notice yourself doing this comparing to other people, Now you can deliberately change it. You say, okay, we're not going to start compare— stop comparing because your brain's never going to do that, but I'm going to shift it. Let's flip it around. Let's start look for similarities. How am I the same as that person that I think is, you know, so impressive? What experiences or values do we have? Do we share? And you can make a list, and the longer this list is of how you're similar to the other person, the more you'll start to feel like them. The more you'll start to feel like you belong. You'll feel less isolated. You'll feel like, oh yeah, we're, we're the same on a fundamental level. And that can really help just calm down this constant feeling like everybody else has got it, but I don't.

Right. There it is again. Calming. Calming. It seems that we live in a, sad to say, but a constant state of stress and worry. And I don't think that is just geographically isolated to myself here in the States or you again across the pond in the UK. It seems that it's a, it's a human thing. It's that we're being trained to be this way. So there's a need for, again, this, this help. There's a need for these conversations and there's been a wave lately of talk about how, like, affirmations and positive thinking are helpful. But you may seem to have a slightly different view when it comes to affirmations and their effectiveness. If you can share from your perspective why traditional affirmations really don't cut the mustard, so to speak, when it comes to clearing up imposter syndrome.

Yeah, this is, this is, this is a great point. So affirmations in the right environment work really well. So affirmations are basically you saying something over and over and over to you, you know, I am strong and confident or something like that, right? So if they're what we tell ourselves at a conscious level, but the only problem is that if we don't believe what we're telling ourselves, then the brain's just going to ignore it. So if you, if you're telling yourself something you absolutely already know, then it's wonderful and it's a reminder and you feel great. But if you're trying to use affirmations to counter what you believe, particularly unconsciously, then they're just not going to work. And that's the problem with affirmations— have to be used really in the right situation. And for imposter syndrome, which is driven by this unconscious belief that our worth depends on what we do, um, the affirmations just, just don't touch it because the brain has got, oh, I, this amygdala has got the list of a danger. Don't you tell me that that's not a danger. So you can't just talk your way out of the amygdala list. You have to systematically extract those, um, those, those triggering beliefs.

And again, thank you so much for sharing and really going into this. It's too often that we will, you know, we'll keep all the information aside. And of course, our session here, just from a time constraint perspective, isn't meant to be all-inclusive. So I'm really looking forward to hearing and learning more about this as I further now have a look at myself. In terms of where these things come from. Because of course, you know, I like to admit it, I'd suffer from imposter syndrome before I even got started with the show. And it's like, all those other people are out there doing it, like you mentioned, comparing, right, to these really, the Joe Rogans and the Patrick Bet-Davids of the world that's got millions of followers and millions of listeners, and realizing just over time, that they all started somewhere. The one thing that I can realize and really put a finger on is that they all got started. So, Tara, if you would share with us, how important is it for somebody to get started in, again, taking action, taking those next steps?

Yeah, I, you know, I think, I think this is something that our society has kind of been a little bit seduced by, right? If we when we understand something intellectually, then we think that that's it, that's done, right? But what we need to do is to take action to do it. So it needs to be the recognition, A, that there is a solution, right? And that it's not you, it's not your personality, it's not a weakness, it's not a flaw, right? There is something you can do about it. And, and understanding that knowing more about it doesn't solve the problem. This is, this is a doing thing, right? You only, you'll only do it by doing it.

Okay. Okay, perfect. Like the, what's that company? Nike with the sign, the symbol, just do it. Okay, so we've got to just do these things. Getting up off the couch, right? You want to lose weight, get up off the couch. Okay, you want to start feeling better and more intellectual, grab that book from the library. There's a consistent state of needing to move, right, and do a thing in order to achieve a result. And sometimes it's hard. So if we could dive back into the personal life of Tara Halliday, um, Tara, tell us about a time where it was hard for you, where, you know, maybe you didn't think that you could do this or this line of work was too tough. All right, let's dive in a little bit and just let us know when that's come up for you and how you saw your way through.

Yeah, so, um, well, I think the biggest time when imposter syndrome came up for me was when I'd finished my engineering degree, my bachelor's degree, and I applied for a graduate trainee position with General Electric, which is this huge global engineering company. And so they did their tests and, you know, the psychometric tests, and they came back and they said, um, We've done your tests and we're not going to offer you a graduate trainee position. Oh, I say. And they say, you know, your scores show that, you know, you've got personality traits and characteristics that we see at our top level of leadership. So instead, we'd like to offer you a fast-track management position, which— Wow. Yeah, might sound wonderful. To me, it sounded, oh, It felt like it was an invitation to fail because I didn't think that I would be able to achieve at that level. Some experiences I had didn't, you know, made me think I wouldn't be a good leader. You know, I didn't feel like my natural talent was leadership.

Okay.

So I said no. And what I did is I turned my back on not just that company but all industry, and I went back to university to my comfort zone. And that's why I have the PhD.

Wow, you turned down a fast-track management position with GE. We're talking about the GE, like General Electric, the one that's all around the globe, the big one.

Yeah.

Okay, okay. Well, needless to say, there's something to see— to be said there about the, uh, we'll call it overall silver lining, because that path, again, as, as fast as it may have been, might not have necessarily led you here today and having the impact that you've had on individuals today. So there's something to be said for falling back, if you will, to go forward, um, because it did seem like it again springboarded things in a different direction again, but some years later. So Do you feel that not taking that position then, from a career standpoint, like when you look back at it now, was the best move? Or do you think you may have still found this path?

Hard to say. I think it would have been a very different life. I mean, such a widely divergent life from the one I've had that I couldn't even predict where it might have gone. So there's, you know, possibilities and things. I think I always would have got to that point in engineering where it didn't feel like my heart was in it. And so I think that would have come about. Maybe it would have come about in a different way. Maybe like I see with, you know, some of my clients that get burnt out and leave the profession entirely and then are, now what do I do with my life? You know, who am I? Challenges to identity. So it might have gone in that direction. And you never know, I might have had wonderful mentors who would have been able to help me. So yeah, who's to say? I have to say though that, you know, I've had this following the breadcrumbs, but there's also— we were talking about just do it— there's also been this drive for me to follow the breadcrumbs. Not just sit where I am and, and, and say, okay, this is my life, I'm an engineer in this size company and that's my life. You know, it was always driven by curiosity and the desire to help people in a bigger way, in a more impactful way, in a, you know, have a— create that transformation in people's lives that will allow them to be free from suffering and happier and more productive and make a, you know, make, make an impact of the— for themselves.

With that, again, there seems like a world of possibilities that obviously you're aware could have taken place, and quite frankly, we're glad you took this road so that we can connect today and then you can have that impact on our listeners as well. So Tara, as we begin to land the proverbial plane here, a couple quick questions that I like to ask. One, just because it's usually not— and I didn't see it either— uh, very readily apparent right there on the first website sites that we take a look at and review. Um, but it's a question that causes connection. At least I like to set it up in that way. Uh, really simple, really straightforward. Uh, Tara, what's your middle name?

Oh, I have two. Jacqueline Louise.

Ah, okay, this is interesting, and I'll tell you about why in just a sec. Uh, so with that particular question, it's one that, like I said, you typically don't have it sitting right out there in front of you. To say, hey, this is my middle name. But what I think about those middle names is that we only typically know the middle names of the people that are closest to us. So with that, sharing that middle name kind of opens up and allows people to connect further than they ordinarily would. So Jacqueline Louise, what's the story behind that? Why two middle names?

I think even deeper, one I really don't share very often. So when I When I moved away from engineering and started my therapy training, it really felt like I was moving into, coming into being of who I was really supposed to be. It felt like a really big, you know, personal, spiritual, all levels transition. And a friend asked me about my name, same thing, because at the time my name was Jacqueline Louise. And I said, I've never felt like a Jacqueline or a Jackie. So we explored, you know, if you were— because she changed her name and she said, well, if you were going to choose a name, what would it be? So we spent an afternoon in a spa in San Francisco going through all these names, trying them on. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. And Tara was the one that came out. And I thought, wouldn't that be lovely? And then I was flying home and thinking, you know, I wonder if I should just start calling myself Tara because it just feels so good to me. So, I get home and I tell my then ex-husband, "Hey, I'm thinking of changing, adding my name, changing it to Tara." And he said, "Oh, that sounds familiar. Let me look up." And so, he went to some books, some reference books, he said. He said, "There we are, yes." Tara is the Buddhist goddess of wisdom and compassion in action. And I went, wow, that feels like me, that feels like how I want to be and who I want to be in the world. So I changed, I added Tara as my first name to it legally.

Love it. Now talk about creating your life, right? That's the story. And thank you again for sharing that with our listeners. Now, for the last minute or two here, Tara, I actually don't have a prompt for this space. I like to just open it up for you to talk to the listeners. Tell them anything you'd like for them to know, any words of wisdom, just, you know, connect with them for a moment before we, before we wrap up.

Yeah, so, um, I think there's 3 things that, that people really need to know about imposter syndrome. Um, firstly, it's not you, right? I mentioned it's not your personality, it's not a flaw, it's not a weakness, it's not you. It is simply a belief, simply, um, an idea that you have not let go of on an unconscious level. Secondly, you're not alone. People feel so isolated with imposter syndrome. They feel like it's just them, that maybe there's something wrong with them, and it causes so much stress. But it affects so many people. You're not alone in this. It's very common, so it doesn't make you different. And the third is that there really is something you can do about it. And to your point, the Nike "Just Do It," there is a solution. You don't need to suffer this. It's like having a nail in your shoe. And you don't know it's there. Right? You can be brave, you can be tough, you can walk in pain. But how about we just take that nail out? And then see where you are.

Simple enough. Simple enough. And with that, Tara, there are so many people that I hope hear the sound of your voice through this podcast and beyond. But how can those listeners get in contact with you? What's the best way for them to learn more about you, your services, and ultimately partner with your profession?

Yeah, so you can learn about my work. I've got two, two books that I've written. The latest one is Outsmart Imposter Syndrome. And you can get that globally wherever books are sold, Amazon and all the rest. Social media, I'm on LinkedIn. I post a few times a week. I've got a newsletter. You can have a little chat there, see what I'm up to. And that's, um, Tara-Halliday-PhD. And then there's my website, completesuccess.co.uk. So you'll, you'll, any of those will find me.

Perfect. And I'll make sure to put those in the show notes as well. Well, Listeners, this has been another phenomenal episode of The Everyday Entrepreneur. Again, I'm your host, Paul H. Flowers Jr. And Miss Tara, this has been impactful. I am so looking forward to having you back if you're open to it for our Author's Alley segment, and we're going to again continue to create magic. For now, listeners, thank you so much. Bye for now.