#215 The Art of Saying No to Live a More Focused, Quality Life

Hey, everyone, do you feel like you're pulled in so many different directions, so many people asking so many things of you, and you have a hard time saying no? Well, today we're going to learn how to reclaim your time and focus so you can spend that time and energy on the things that truly matter to you the most. So today we're going to be talking about the importance of saying no in your life. Why? And ultimately, how to say no politely so that you don't feel guilty, but you're empowered to prioritize the things that are most important to you. So stay tuned. Welcome to the Passive Income MD Podcast, where we talk about creating, creating your ideal life through multiple streams of income.

If you enjoy hearing about this stuff.

Make sure to hit subscribe. Now let's get on with the show. Okay, how many of you feel like you're extremely busy, like you have hectic schedules? Well, my guess is everybody out there listening to this feels that way. We're all so busy as physicians, as entrepreneurs, we have so many different commitments, and that doesn't even count. Things that are outside of your work, things at home, family life, neighborhood, school, all of that. It can feel really overwhelming. It's not like things get taken off your plate as you get older. Things just continue to pile on and pile on. It's funny, when I look at my kids, sometimes I look at them, they're like, I'm so busy, or this kind of stuff. And I look at them and I go, you have no idea. That's why I try to spend so much time figuring out how to unload a lot of that mental energy. What's important, what's not, what to delegate and what do I need to take on and how do I prioritize all of that? Now that's the challenge. We all have only so many hours in a day and so many hours in a week. Now I get this question all the time. As a physician, as an entrepreneur, how do you do all the things that you want to do and still try to maintain a good family life, have fun, enjoy yourself and do all of that? As many of you know, I love attending conferences. Hopefully many of you I'll see at pimdcon, different events. I like to go on vacation with my family while running my businesses and do all of that. And I'll tell you, for a long time, I tried to meet all of those obligations, doing it all, working crazy physician hours, doing things, post call, speaking at conferences, being at events, traveling, and.

Really burning what they say.

The candle at both ends while trying to grow the PMD community and also fit in some family and personal time. But I just couldn't do it all. And I bet you most of you can relate to that. So instead of doing a few things really well, I felt like I was doing kind of average or kind of poor on everything. And so I hit a wall and I realized I needed to say yes to less stuff and no to more. Now, that's not an easy thing for me personally. I'm a guy who thrives on doing things and I do suffer from a lot of fomo, that fear of missing out. I'm wondering what other people are doing. They're having a great time. The concept of something that's like a once in a lifetime experience, it just kind of gnaws at me if I don't take advantage of that. And so I'm always looking for the way to fit everything in. And my wife would tell me, sometimes you just never say no. And I almost took pride in that. But again, I hit a wall and I started going out there and finding resources on how to better manage my time and focus on the things that I absolutely love. Hi everyone. I'm super excited to tell you about.

PIMDCON, the Physician Real Estate and Entrepreneurship Conference happening on September 26th through 28th this year, 2024. As always, we're bringing together some of the smartest minds in real estate, investing and entrepreneurship live to speak at the event.

Now, I've been to a ton of.

Other conferences, but what really sets this conference apart from other conferences, and this is totally intentional, it goes way beyond the speakers. It's being part of the community that's created. At our live events. We have different tracks focused on real estate, investing or entrepreneurship, so you can customize your experience and focus on what matters to you the most. We have a ton of expert speakers, we have panelists, we have workshops and masterminds that will help you gain the knowledge and confidence you need to take your next step towards achieving financial success and independence way beyond medicine. And it's not just about the information you're going to learn from the speakers. It's about the conversations you're going to have with other attendees that I know will spark new ideas and inspire you to take action. Every single year, people leave our conference pimdcon and they launch their real estate investing careers, while others grow their portfolio with or expand their entrepreneurial ventures in really incredible ways, even in ways that.

None of us would have imagined. So this year will be no different.

As you leverage your big ideas to expand your vision for what's possible. You just have to show up. We're so excited to announce a new.

Location for our annual event.

We're doing it different this year. We're also offering in person specials and.

Tickets, especially if you're getting your tickets early.

So join us in person this year in Dallas, Texas, the middle of the country so everyone can make it on September 26th through 28th. Just so you know, there's a virtual option for those who can't join live. So don't miss out on this opportunity to connect with a community of like minded individuals and gain practical skills and knowledge to help achieve your financial goals. I'm excited to see you there. Click the link below to learn more. I'll see you there.

Now here's a quote by M. Scott Pack. He says until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it. And I think that was a part of the problem. I didn't really value my time. It was all the same. Everybody had access to it and I wasn't prioritizing who got that time and how I spent that time. Of course I wanted to prioritize my time on my family, but other things would pull me away. And I get it. I love saying yes to as many things as possible. And you probably do too. In fact, a lot of times I felt obligated to say yes and when I couldn't say yes, I felt guilty. Now I hear this a lot from my wife. She definitely gets pulled in so many different directions. Being a working physician, doing things on social media, trying to be good daughter, trying to be a good wife, trying to be a good mother, being pulled in so many different directions. And whenever she says no to something, she ends up feeling really guilty. And I get it. Maybe not to the degree she feels it, but I really empathize with that. And something I've been thinking through and reading books on is to reinforce this thought. Saying no can be a strategic decision. Saying no can be a strategic decision which allows you to prioritize the things that are high value in your life, including some of those tasks and responsibilities that make life work. Many of you know one of my favorite books is Atomic Habits by James Clear. He said when you say no, you are only saying no to one option. When you say yes, you are saying no to every other option. I thought that was really interesting. It's kind of the concept of opportunity cost. When you say yes to something, you're giving up on everything. That you could be doing during that time. And the energy that you're spending on that, again, is energy that you're not spending doing something else. So I had to shift that mindset to where I feel like saying yes allows me to have so much freedom out there is actually the opposite. You can regain your freedom when you choose your commitments, when you're intentional about it, which enables you to have better focus, and then you have higher productivity on things. It leaves space and leaves room for you to work better and get things done. And then when you're selective, you ensure that your commitments are in your best interest for you, your family. And it's not just about declining things. It's about choosing a path that leads to where you want to be. But I get it. It's hard to say no. I don't like saying no. In fact, I don't like people saying no to me. And so I feel guilty when I say it. When somebody asks me something, I either put it off or I have a hard time saying no or. But again, I had to get over that mindset. It doesn't mean that I was being rude or selfish or felt unkind. These are all really unhelpful beliefs in my head that made it really hard to say no. Maybe it comes from my upbringing a little bit where I felt the need to say yes to everything my parents said, and that's how I was a good son. But I've had to learn how to say no while still being respectful. And I know that's possible. The first thing is I always express gratitude. I say thank you for the opportunity. When people ask me to speak or be in an event, I thank them for the offer, that I value their effort and consideration. And then I let them know, again, this is for a situation where I'm saying no, that I can't commit to their request as I'm committed to other priorities. I don't think you always need to give an overly detailed excuse and feel the need to do that, but you can give a few details, like I'm focused on a. Maybe a few critical projects, or I don't have much bandwidth at this time because I'm focused on these things. And so I wouldn't be able to give it the attention it deserves. I wouldn't be able to be fully present and just be truthful. And this next part, I've seen plenty. When I ask a speaker to come to a conference and they can't come, they not only say that, but many of them will offer another suggestion. They'll say something like I can't participate in this, but I know some people that maybe do you want me to make an introduction? And that shows that you go above and beyond and you're considerate of them. But I like to leave the door open. Still. I don't like the cut off communication because some future opportunities may come that might make sense when it comes to time and the energy. And I like to keep those positive relationships because you never know where those will lead. So if it's truly that I want to continue that relationship, I'll say let's touch base in a few months. I might have more bandwidth then. Please keep me in consideration for next year. Otherwise there's some techniques that I've read out there. Again, these are not all concepts that I came up with. There are a bunch of different books that I've read about prioritizing. Again, one of them is three the Art of Saying no, a book by Damon Zahariatis. I hope I'm saying that correctly. But that's one book amongst many which kind of touch on similar concepts. But maybe I'll say something specifically like I really appreciate and honor that request. I'd love to help out, but I can't commit at this time. Keep me in mind for the future and something simple like that. You'd be surprised. People appreciate the honesty. Instead of being strung along and may and saying maybe when you don't really intend to follow through on it. The other thing you can do is maybe use a little empathy. You can say, I understand how important this is and I'm really honored that you thought of me. But right now I'm not in a position to help and I hope you find the right speaker or you find the right person to help you out with this. And again, if you want to offer an alternative, that's a good time to do so. So there are techniques to doing this. And the more you practice this, it's not to be a jerk, it's not to come off harsh. But again, when you say yes to something, you're saying no to many other things. And that bandwidth, or even if you push it off, or even if you push it off, you still got that bandwidth of something coming up again and again where you haven't offered a response. I mentioned the word opportunity cost. It's like when you make an investment in something, let's say you only have a certain amount of funds. When you invest in one thing, you may not have the capital at that moment to invest in something else. So that opportunity is gone. And choose carefully what you want to invest your time in and energy in again. When I was saying yes all the time, I was doing things haphazardly. I was saying yes to speaking at a lot of conferences and and my talks weren't all set up. My wife could tell I was stressed at home, I was doing things last minute. The results weren't great. My kids felt like I was on the computer all the time. And then when I started to say no, my schedule started to free up. I started blocking out time to spend it with my wife, to spend it doing the things I love, to spend it with my family. And I felt so much more in control. Let's be honest, as physicians, sometimes it's so hard for us when people ask us to join another committee or an academic position or do this or be appointed as this, even without benefit, it just takes away from our time. We just feel like the right thing to do is to say yes. But I remember reading this quote, only your family remembers that you worked extra, that you worked that weekend shift, that you gave up your time. No one else will remember but your family. And that hit hard for me. And so this takes practice and it's something I'm still working on. But I hope this was helpful for some of you who feel a little bit overworked over text, overextended, tired, exhausted, feel a little out of control. Learning to say no once in a while will help you take that control back. So go ahead and practice that this week. Try to find an unnecessary commitment and say no to it and see what happens to your level of energy, the time that you're able to have when you free that up and do good things with it. Hope that was helpful in some way. Have an amazing week. Let's talk again soon. Enjoy the show. Let me know by dropping a review in the podcast app you're listening to us in. And if you haven't already, make sure to hit subscribe. Join thousands of physicians who are also on this journey to creating their ideal lives through multiple streams of income. Learn more at our Website, passive income md.com thanks again for allowing me to be a part of your journey. See you next time.