Basic Action Steps

Okay, you're finally here. We're getting to the part where the rubber meets the road. And you're doing awesome. This lesson is all about action steps because you see, recovery is an action oriented process. Maybe you don't want to call it recovery. Maybe we call it something else. Whatever. You're going to have to take some actual steps to make things change. I know so far we've done a lot of work on getting our thinking in line. That's all that preparation stage. Remember that today. Moving on to the action stage. Because if you think that just because you made the decision and you decided that's better for you and all that kind of stuff, that you're going to be successful with this, no, not going to work. You can't keep sort of like doing the same things you've always done and think you're not going to fall back into those same patterns. So let's take a look at what things you need to change do get in place. Okay, the first two things are basic, but probably the most important. Number one, you cannot get sober in secret. You cannot be the only one that knows that you're doing this. I know what you're thinking. What about anonymity? I thought I could be anonymous. Well, even if you go to anonymous meetings, there are 15 other people in that meeting that know that you're doing it. So do you get it? Other people? Maybe not everyone in your life. I'm not saying that. But some other people need to know what you're doing. The reason is, is because you are programmed, already on autopilot, to do all these old behaviors. And you need some help to make sure that you don't go back to do that. You cannot recover in secrecy. I'm not telling you that you have to go tell your boss or your teacher, although that might be a good idea. And I don't discourage you from doing that at all. But you need to let other people know that this is what's going on. I know it's scary. You're scary for a couple of reasons. One, you don't want to be judged. And two, like, if you tell them, then they're really going to be watching. You know, you really got to do it right. That's accountability. We're going to talk about that a little later, but I want you to pick at least two or three people that are in on the process. Hey, maybe you're good and you're telling everybody. Even better, tell everybody. Put it on your Facebook status if you want to, but you got to Tell at least two people. You see, addiction survives in secrecy and darkness. That is the fuel that addiction needs to survive. It does not survive in the light and in the honesty, which is why we've done so much work to turn the light on what's been going on. To be really, really honest with yourself about what's been going on. You see how it's already the addiction starting to get weaker. I'm not even saying it's gone, but it's starting to weaken because you're getting honest with it, because you're shedding some light on it. So pick two or three people to tell that you're doing this process at least. The other thing that needs to change, this is really basic and practical. But as they say in old school recovery, you need to change your people, places and things, whatever the routines that you have that are involved in your addictive behavior. If you always do things a certain way, that then you need to change those routines. This is just a real practical suggestion. So it's kind of like if you come home from work every day and you put on your yoga pants and you pour yourself a glass of wine and you watch, you know, Desperate Housewives or something like that, then you need to do something else. Maybe you should have a planned activity for right after work. Or don't put on your yoga pants just yet, or definitely don't watch the housewives. You know, don't go and get the, the cup you use to drink. Don't turn on the music that you like to listen to. Don't take that way home where you always stop at that one gas station or that one person's house or whatever. Change your people, places, things and routines. This actually makes it a lot harder to fall into the same old autopilot because you see, if you do things the exact same way, you literally get an autopilot. Think about when you get dressed, you get out of the shower, you drive the same way every day. Probably don't even think about it. Probably didn't even know that. But you do, right? Do things so habitually the same way that if you get yourself in that routine, you're going to find yourself falling back into those patterns, even though you didn't even mean to. It's like robot mode. So change some of those things up to keep yourself out of robot mode. And it's also going to be helpful because you're going to have less triggers if you do that. Okay, now the rest of these action steps, we're going to kind of do this by category the first category is people. What kind of people action steps do you need to take? Do you need to have some conversations with some people to let them know you're doing this because you're not being secret anymore? Do you need to decide to not be around certain people right now? Do you need to take phone numbers out of your phone? Do you need to change phones completely? Do you need to block numbers? You know, a lot of times, of all the changes that we're gonna make, the people changes can really be the hardest. And if there's someone in your life that you need to distance yourself from, I want you to know this. It doesn't mean that you don't that person. It doesn't mean that that person is a bad person. It doesn't mean that they don't care about you. What it means is, is you're just trying to change your habits, routines, and you need to break that cycle. And if you're used to using with that person, or if that person encourages you in that kind of behavior, or if that person encourages a certain kind of thinking pattern that's not conducive to what you're trying to do, maybe they're negative and all that kind of stuff, then I'm not saying you can't ever be around them, but what I'm saying is you need to take a break, at least for a little while. Sometimes in some situations, you may need to have a conversation with that person and tell them what's going on. Especially if you think this is a relationship that you don't really want to burn the bridge on, but you do need to have some distance. You may say, you know, if I'm in my A for a while, I just want you to know I'm, like, focusing on making some big changes. Whatever you want to tell them, but you may need to have a conversation. Other people, you just need to ghost, right? You just need to stop coming around or stop answering their calls or take their number out your phone. You just need to be gone. You know which ones. These are like, the ones that, like, you really don't need to ever go back and have a relationship with. Just be done with it. It's okay. There may be a feeling that gets hurt, but right now you're focused on taking the steps that you need to take. Now, just like you need to take some people out of your life, you need to put some people in your life. Who are the people that you need to draw closer? Who are the people that keep you in, like, really good thinking? Who Are the people that brings the best out in you? Who are the people that hold you accountable? Who are the people that lend a helping hand and are actually helpful to you? Who do you need to bring more into your life? Who do you need to spend more time around? And maybe that's just friends, families, a coach, a mentor. Maybe that's a professional. Maybe you want to bring in a counselor because you need a sounding board. And counselors can sometimes be aware of patterns or things that are happening that you aren't even realizing were happening. You know, they can be helpful in that sort of way. Or you maybe just need, you know, someone to vent to, whatever. Who are the people that you need to bring into your life? And this next one can include people, but is also slightly different. This next one is influence. What influences in your life do you need to get rid of or at least take a break from? Is there music you don't need to listen to? Are there movies you don't need to watch? Are there, like, places and situations you don't need to be in, like the bar or the drug house or the fraternity party? What influence this is more of, like, a general category do you need to stay away from? And what influence do you need more of? Now, like I said, it could be people, but it can also be, are there books that you might could read that would help you stay committed? Is there certain music that actually brings out the good part of you, the motivated part of you, the focus part of you? Is there movies you could watch that would bring that part out? Influence can come in a lot of different ways. Podcasts are great. You know, Audible books. I listen to Audible Books all the time. All these things are bring things in. So this is all about, what do I need a distance from and what do I need to bring in and how can I make that happen? Now, along that same vein, support, this is another category. What kind of support do you need to bring in? I think I told you at the very beginning that this process is not about making you go to 12 step meetings. I know a lot of recovery programs and things like that require it. I'm not opposed to 12 step meetings at all. I really like 12 step meetings. Most of the people I know that got clean sober have went that route. But you don't have to do that. But you do have to bring in some kind of support. So I want you to think about what that support could look like. Could that support look like a small church group that you belong to that you have some accountability to? Could that be a 12 step meeting? Could that be a smart recovery meeting? Could that be an online group? You know, just when you had a bad day and you just need to say, man, today's like, I really, really, really, really wanted to drink or use or do whatever. This is the person you're going to tell that to. It's a counselor, maybe a mentor, a best friend who's actually already in recovery. What kind of support can you bring into your life now? You need that for so many reasons. Please do not underestimate. I know you're thinking, need this, I got this. But hey, we're past that, right? We've done done all the humility exercises, we done talked about willpower. You need the support because if you're having a bad day, you need someone to be able to tell that to. Not only that, but you just need to build connection because doing so actually changes your brain chemistry and actually protects you more against addiction. Just the brain chemicals of it, the connection. Sometimes these supports, maybe they're just people that make you laugh, Maybe they're just people that are fun to be around, but they're not high risk to be around. Those count too. Those are all things that put fuel back in the fuel tank. Another thing your support does is they just keep you focused, they keep your head on straight, they're making sure that you're staying on track. So please identify what supports that you want that you think will work for you. Like I said, there are all kinds of them out there. Decide what works for you. Maybe the support is you need to go to treatment and that's okay. Maybe you just need to go like intensive outpatient treatment. Maybe you need to go away to so sober living or inpatient treatment. I'm actually going to attach along with this lesson my understanding treatment guide that will help you understand all the different kind of supports and options that are out there. Because some of it's like a lot of like clinical terms and stuff. It'll help you understand what all that is. If it costs money, if it don't, if it does, how much insurance, all that kind of stuff, those logistical things will be in that guide. Now lastly, under this category of influence, I would also put things like meditation, if you meditate, or maybe you read a little daily meditation, or maybe you exercise. These are other things that you do. Habits, routines, rituals that actually just keep your good brain chemicals going, keep you thinking, right? So make sure you think about those things when you're compiling this list of action steps that you need to take.