Does Your Addicted Loved One Hate You?

Does your addicted loved one hate you? I know it sure does feel like it sometimes. And the truth of it is sort of, kind of in a way, yes. But also sort of, kind of in a way, no. Don't you hate vague responses? Yeah, me too. So let's dig in there, pull apart the pieces, and find out what's really happening. Today we're going to be taking a look at. Why is it that your addicted loved one seems to always act like or feel like you are the enemy? Well, you kind of are the enemy. Okay, hold on. Before you hit the thumbs down button or click off of this video, let me explain a little bit. Sometimes it helps to have a little visual. Imagine that your loved one's addiction is like this little devil that is sitting on their shoulder. Yeah, like in the cartoons where there's like a devil and angel and they're talking to the person. That's what addiction is like. So addiction is this little devil monster mouth kind of guy sitting on your loved one's shoulder, and he's constantly talking to your loved one, convincing them of all sorts of crazy ideas. That little addiction monster mouth actually does see you as the enemy because the addiction knows that you actually see the truth of the situation. And the addiction's job is to make sure that your loved one stays completely blinded to the truth so that it can keep your loved one under the spell and control the whole show and to keep this whole thing going. There's a lot of manipulation that happens. You see, the enemy of addiction is a little emotion called guilt. Yes, guilt, even though it's an uncomfortable emotion, is pretty important. It's the emotion that lets us know that we've done something wrong, that maybe we've done something that's hurtful towards a relationship or we've not kept our word. It's also the emotion that prompts us to heal and restore our relationships when we've done something maybe that we probably shouldn't have. When your addicted loved one interacts with you, they know that you know. Or at least they're worried that you know. And if you're watching this video, you probably do know. So they're worried that you know, and that starts to spark this little thing of guilt inside of them. But the addiction, that little monster on the shoulder, needs that guilt to go away. So it whispers in their ear a lot of things. Like, for example, it says, you're a grown man, you work hard all day long, you deserve it. It says, you know, he's overreacting. His brother was addicted. Now he thinks everyone's addicted, and he's just projecting that onto you. These are all little things that these little monster devils are whispering in your loved one's ear. It might say something like, nothing you ever do is good enough for them. All they ever see is the negative. They're always criticizing you. It's this constant little voice in their ear that's trying to keep that guilt at bay. And in order to do that, it makes your addicted loved one focus on how you are instead of the truth, which is they feel kind of guilty for the lying and the hiding and the sneaking and doing basically things they know they shouldn't be doing. That addiction has to cover that guilt up or deflect it in some kind of way. And this is how it does it. Not only does it do that, but it will get your addicted loved one to say and do things to you, to poke at your buttons, to make you act in a way that validates that narrative that it's whispering. In some of my videos on manipulation, you've probably heard me talk about how addiction will provoke you, will start a fight with you, will cause you to be the bad guy. And man, is it difficult to resist biting these fish hooks. Fish hooks are what I call when that addiction sort of throws things out at you. Little argumentative statements, little provocations that you just want to grab onto. It's really good. It knows exactly what your buttons are. And then once you grab onto that, then you are acting and saying and behaving in all the ways that this addiction has tried to tell your loved one. Because you know what? That addiction, it doesn't want your person to feel guilty. Because if they feel guilty, they might actually correct their behavior. They might actually restore the relationship. So instead of allowing that guilt to come through, the addiction focuses on making your addicted loved one feel resentment. Because resentment, it's kind of like hate or anger, but it's this more like simmery level. Not like this crazy harsh, but just this. I don't like you. I'm avoiding you. I want to stay away from you. I might be passive aggressive towards you. This simmery sort of hate ish kind of anger feeling. Because as long as your loved one is focused on that feeling, guess what? They're not focused on. They're not focused on seeing the truth about what is happening. So if you're following along in this conversation, then you've probably already figured out the way to beat addiction is to not allow that little devil monster mouth to put you in that role. If you absolutely refuse to play that game, it loses that power and control over your addicted loved one. It is much more difficult to keep them in denial, to keep them blinded from the truth if you just refuse to play into that. Now if you want to know more about how to stay out of that bad guy role then you can download my super quick simple PDF called say this not that. These are short simple statements based on common situations that you might find yourself in. It says hey, instead of saying this right here that I know you want to say, say this instead. These are ways to stay out of the bad guy roll. And another thing you can do is watch this video next. It's all about how to stay out of the bad guy RO to the PDF is in the description. Link to the video is right here and I will see you guys next week. We release new videos every Tuesday and every Thursday we go live at 1pm Eastern. See you then.