Hack Your Motivation, Get More Done, & Live Your Best Life!

Get focused. Rewire your motivation system and get out there and live the life that you want to live, your best life. That's what we're going to talk about in this video. Actually. We're going to talk about how the brain works and how you can actually train your brain to work the way that you want it to work. If you're watching right now, I bet, or maybe you're watching on the replay. Either way, I bet that there are some things that your brain does and some paths it goes down that you really wish it wouldn't. Let me know that what's. What is the one thing that you wish didn't get your attention, right? Is it an emotion you don't like? Is it a distraction that's in your life? There's probably something that throws your focus off, gets you off track and keeps you from doing the things that actually matter. I remember I was once in this, like, business coaching group and I think that's where I first heard this saying and it was something like the things that are urgent are rarely important and things that are important are rarely urgent. And the problem is as we, we go through life and we deal with these sort of fires that are in front of us, right? Like what's urgent? What's urgent? What's urgent. And because of that, we put out fires and we, we solve the problems that are right in front of us on any given day or moment. But we. That putting out all those fires distracts us from what we really, really want out of life. So we're actually going to do a little mini series on this and we're going to start today with, with how to control or get control or train your own operating system. Now, in order to do this, I want you to think about your brain is like your laptop. Well, actually there's pieces of the laptop, right? The actual physical hardware of your laptop, like the screen or the keyboard or maybe you can think of it like your phone, whatever you want to think of it, that's actually like your body, right? Job is to intake sensations and information from the external environment, bring it in to the computer. The software part, right? The programming to make sense of it. So if you think about it like you're a laptop, right? The, the outer casing part, the screen, the keyboard, the mouse pad, all that, that's like your body. It's taken in information and your brain is kind of like the operating system on your laptop. Like if you have Microsoft, if you have Apple, whatever that operating system is, that's like the, the brain Part of how you function, right? And your thinking process, your actual conscious thought, which is the part that you actually can drive a little bit, right? You can get control of that part, which we're going to talk about in this video. I would think about that. Like, it's like the browser that you choose, right? Your stream of consciousness. So you can think of it like Google or Edge or whatever browser it is that you use, Safari. That's where you have some control in your thinking processes. Most of us feel frustrated, overwhelmed, and agitated on any given day because we can't get control of our own thoughts and we can't get control of our own behavior behaviors to the degree that we really want them to. The good news is, is that there are ways to do that, and it's actually fairly simple once you understand how the whole system works. So I don't know if you guys. I don't know. There was a. There was a show on Netflix a while back called Social something, I can't remember, but it was about, like, exposing social media and. And technology and how it. It's sort of taken over the. How it controls politics and it controls popular opinion. Those. I know some of you know what show I'm talking about. Y' all let me know in the comment section there. What's. What is the name of it? Because I've totally blanked out. Anyways, in that show, it talked about how, you know, all this technology, you know, whether it's Instagram or YouTube or Google or Facebook or whatever, it has these algorithms built in. And the algorithms are built in, trying to figure out as quickly as possible what it is that each person wants, right? And in the, in the. In the Netflix show, it was talking about how, you know, it's almost like it was evil, right? It was like conspiracy, and it was terrible. And one of the things I was thinking as I was watching it, probably just because I tend to be a little oppositional as I was thinking, well, I actually kind of like it that Google knows what I want. I actually kind of like it that when I log into Netflix, it's got, like, the whole, like, suggested for you based on your history part. I kind of like that, right? Because I'm like, that makes my life a little easier. It can also make life a little harder if. If those algorithms have decided to take you in a direction that maybe you don't want to go in. And so we're going to talk about how to change the. That algorithm a little bit, right? So thinking about your. Your conscious thought process, like you would think about Google, like the browser, right? I don't know if all of you have this. I have this. I'm going to show it to you, actually. Let me see if I can show it to you. This is actually the homepage that pops up when I click into Chrome, right? And what's interesting about this, the reason I'm showing this to you is you see these little eight icons there in the middle? You know why they're in the middle? Because those are the eight websites that I go to the most. And I didn't tell them to be there. I just went to these websites enough till this browser figured out that's. That's where Amber's probably going to go if she hits. If she hits Chrome, she's probably going to one of those places. So it puts those right up in front of me first. Well, our brain does that very same thing. It's trying to figure out what you want to do, and it's trying to put it on autopilot, just like Google does, just like Facebook does, does. Just like Netflix does, is trying to figure out how to do those processes as fast as possible. It wants to automate you, right? And that's good, right? Because as many. As many things as can be put on automate allows you to think about more things. Like when you first learn to drive, you have to really focus on learning to drive, right? And then that gets on automatic. And then while you're driving, think about other things. So your brain's trying to automate things just like Google's trying to automate things, right? So if you log into your homepage screen, it's probably going to give you a little piece of information about what your brain thinks about the most. Some of these icons up here, you guys on my screen, you may not know what they are. So that one right there with a K, called Kajabi, that's the software that we use, or I use for all of our online programs, like the Invisible Intervention and Positive Parenting Group and, and all the online courses and content material that, that we make for you. It's there. So that's why it's right up there top, like number one spot. And then there's Google obvious, and then there's YouTube, also obvious, right? Cliniko is the name of our medical software that we use. So that's where we keep all of our calendars and our notes and. And all the things like that. Amazon. We're gonna come out to Amazon. Just a second. It's up there because I go to Amazon A lot, right? Then there's Zoom. That C right there stands for Canva. That's like a. If you don't know what that is, like a software program where you can sort of use to do like make images, like thumbnail images or Facebook images. I use that a lot to make posts and stuff like that. And then there's soberlink, which is the software that we use to help a lot of our clients. We have on Soberlink. And it helps to monitor alcohol. I'll talk about that in some other videos. So you can kind of see this is sort of really telling, right, about where my attention goes. Let's say for an example that I don't want my attention to go to one of those things anymore. I want to take something off of my home screen. Remember I asked you at the beginning, what is the one thing that you don't want your attention to go to anymore, right? We all have that one thing. What's the one thing on your home screen? It's just in your life, it's taken up entirely too much time and attention and resources from you and you really wish that it weren't there. Or at least you are kind of aware that it would probably make your life better if it wasn't there on your home screen, right? If you have an addiction in your life, then what begins to happen is that addiction starts to take up more and more and more of those eight spots, right? So at first, maybe the addiction takes up one little piece of your attention and energy. So it's like one of those icons. As the addiction goes on, it begins to take up more and more and more of those spaces. And as it does that, it pushes everything out of your life. Now same thing. If you don't have an addiction, but you have an addicted loved one. You have an addiction, right? Because you have an addicted loved one, right? So same thing. The addicted loved one, what's going on with them, starts to take up more and more of that, like prime real estate in your life. It starts to take up all of your little spots, right? Usually substance abuse, anything that can be addictive, gambling, shopping, whatever, those things, they might get our attention. If you're not addicted to them, get your attention a little bit. Think of them like a pop up, right? Like it might pop up in your life every now and then. You might click on them every now and then. Most time you don't click on them. That's. That's what it would be like if I were to think about what would be engaging in those behaviors. But not addictively, right? When it's coming in up on your home screen, you know, it's a lot of your attention, like that dang Amazon right there on my home screen that's telling me something, right? I'm spending too much time on Amazon, too much clicking, right? Because now my software is designed for it. And when we engage in certain behaviors and certain thoughts and we think about something, we let it consume our thoughts and we seek it out, it's hard wiring in. Every time we go down that pathway, every time we go to the bar, every time we have an argument with our loved one, it's cementing that into our brain as a neural pathway. So it's making that faster. Just like these icons that are on my computer screen, the reason that they're there is because it allows me to go directly to those places. I don't have to like, look for them. I don't have to skim through a lot of information. I go directly there. That's what happens. That's what our brain is trying to do with the things that take our attention, is trying to create these, like, shortcuts, these pathways so that you can go directly there. Unfortunately, if you engage in those addictive behaviors long enough, then your brain starts shortcutting, right? And it creates these fast paths. And then before you know it, you're automatically going there, right? And you don't even want to, right. But it's just automatically bringing you to those places. And as you do it more and more and more, it takes up more and more and more space on that home screen. So it begins to take over your whole life. In the beginning, it's like, it's there, but it's like an annoying, like I said, like a little popup or something that comes and then it, it almost gets in like, like a virus might get into your computer, right? And it's just making it act crazy. And then you feel like you have less and less control over it and it's doing a bunch of stuff you don't want it to do. That's what an addiction is like. It's just like hijacking like a viru in your laptop, right? Eventually it takes over things so much that the important stuff, the stuff that you want to think about, you need to think about like your family, your friends, your work, your passion, your hobbies, whatever. Then all of a sudden that's the pop up in your life. And the addiction is the home screen, right? And you have all those shortcuts and then you have these, these automatic pathways of things that you're doing or thinking. And I know I'm using addiction as an example because that's what we talk about on this channel. But you can replace that with anything that you feel like is taking up too much of your thoughts, time and energy, and you just really wish that it wouldn't. Oh, the social dilemma. I see you, pinky, right there. You put it on there. The social dilemma. Thank you. I could not think of it. That's. That's what it's called. So eventually, when. When you've got this addiction or this family member is addicted or some other problem that's in your life and it starts to consume everything, then when your family needs your attention, you're just annoyed with it, and you're just trying to make it go away as fast as possible, right? You're just trying to look like a pop up comes on your screen. You're trying to find that X so you can hit it as fast as possible. Or if you're trying to play like the free game on your phone, that's like super addictive. And you're like. And then the pop up comes up and you're just annoyed and you're just like, oh my gosh. And then you know where it like counts down. You have to listen to like 30 seconds before you get back to your game. That's what living in addiction feels like. Everything else is like one of those freaking annoying commercials that you just have to listen to or watch for 2 minutes or 30 seconds or whatever before you can get back to that game that you want to. And it's just annoying. And the whole time it's on there, you're just thinking, shut up, go away. And you're counting down. That's what it's like to be in that addicted state. It. It consumes you. And everything else becomes one of those annoyances in your. Now, they may not. The person with addiction may not tell you that. I mean, sometimes they do, but they may not always tell you that, but that's what they're thinking or they're feeling on the inside. And that's the biggest problem with addiction, right? The biggest problem is, is it takes control and it makes you annoyed. It makes you not be able to enjoy any of those other things. It makes you not have control of where your web browser goes. But guess what? There's good news, right? Your brain can relearn. Your brain can change. They call that. The fancy word is neuroplasticity. Your brain can change. You can change the hardwire just like on your laptop, it gets some updates, your brain updates. Guess what? It does updates every night while you sleep. Just like when your phone updates or when your laptop updates. It usually does it when you're sleep, right? It's like plug it in tells you your phone says it's going to do the update at night, at two o' clock in the morning or whenever. It always does it. It's got to be plugged in and connected to the Internet. Your brain updates too. It's got to be asleep and it's got to get into that stage four deep sleep mode to refuel every day. So one of the first things you need, or that's important ingredient if you want to change your operating system. You want to get control of your thoughts and your behaviors and your motivation is sleep. Because when you sleep at night, it's like charging the battery, right? And if you're not getting good sleep, it's like starting out the day with a half a battery or a third battery and you're gonna run out of energy before you're done. And it's so frustrating. It's just like when you're in the middle of working on something really, really hard and your battery dies and then you just lose everything, right? That's all you need sleep so your battery doesn't die and you don't lose everything that you've worked on. You need to refuel and recharge. So the first thing is getting good sleep. Now. Now it comes to the second thing we need to do is we need to decide what's on that home screen that we don't want to be on that home screen, right? How did it get on the home screen? How did it take up so much room? It took up so much room because we gave it so much attention. That's it. We gave it attention long enough and enough times that the brain decided this is really important. It needs to get to the front of the line of what controls this whole system right here, right? Guess what's the fastest way to get one of those icons off? I'm gonna put it back up there so you can see it. If I want one of these off, guess what I gotta do? I gotta focus on something else. I gotta go to some different websites. I gotta put my attention and my clicks and my energy and my resources somewhere else. Guess what? If I do that long enough, the new thing will then get up on my home screen and I'll have a shortcut to that. And that behavior becomes automatically hardwired in, right? And the One that I'm paying the least attention to will fall off and the new thing will come in. So one of the best ways to get control of your behavior, your thoughts, your motivation, conquer an addiction is decide where you're not going to put your focus and where you are going to put your focus and decide this little thing over here that, that thing that you don't want to be in there anymore. I want you to think to yourself, that is a pop up. It's an annoying, aggravating little pop up, right? And sometimes it's a, it's one of those. The don't have the X. Y' all know what I'm talking about. And you're like, oh, get that thing off of there, right? Some of them are harder to get off than others, right? And they're purposefully like that. But you want to figure out if it does pop up, if something does pop into your consciousness and your attention, that you really don't want to be there. Find that X, right? Hit the X, get it out and decide what you are going to focus on. And once you do that enough, what you're going to replace that addiction with something else, right? You want something else in your life that's more productive, that makes you happier, that fulfills you, that utilizes your gifts and talents and geniuses or this just plain more productive or you need to do whatever you want something else to have that shortcut spot. You gotta decide what you're gonna focus on. And, and at first it might be hard because you don't have a shortcut to it, but when you go there enough times and you do it enough times, it then becomes your new automatic and it will push off the screen. The thing that's getting your least attention. Now in the brain, the way that works is when we, when we focus on something and we repetitively do something, the brain will automatically build that shortcut for us and it becomes faster and easier to get there. There's, there's. It. It takes less energy. It happens fast. It's like you have this, this ramp that's been built for you automatically in your brain. That's exactly what happens. A neural pathway is built and you get there faster and faster and faster and faster. And you can make that happen for yourself. You can create that by controlling where you put your focus and energy. Now the hard part about doing this is them dang pop ups, right? You got some pop ups in your life that's throwing you off course. And if you're not careful, you end up clicking on something that you probably shouldn't click on. And then you get interested in something and then you go down some other kind of like rabbit hole that you don't need to go down, right? And you got yourself all off course. You go down that rabbit hole enough, then that thing gets the attention, right? So let's think about what the pop ups in your life are. What are the pop ups that either are draining you? Like, you know, there are some websites you shouldn't click on, there are some links you should not click. Because if you do, it's going to put a virus in your life, right? It's going to mess you up. Maybe that's a person in your life. Maybe that's a place. Maybe that's a thought process you don't want to go to anymore. There's something in your life that's probably draining you, sucking all the good out that you don't want. And then there's probably some other things in your life. Maybe it doesn't drain you, but it just distracts you. It's probably like the thing that you do to kind of numb or avoid or unplug, right? Maybe it's watching the same TV series you've seen a hundred times, but you just watch it every day, right? Maybe it's a game you play on your phone. Maybe it's shopping, Maybe it's looking at Facebook, right? It. Maybe it's draining you, maybe it's not. But it's just like distracting you, right? And it's keeping you off course. You want to figure out how to get those pop ups to stop coming. And in order to do that, you can't give them any attention, right? Those things in our life that are fighting for our attention, we got to decide strategically and purposefully where to put that attention. And at first it's hard, right? At first it's hard to resist those things. But I'm telling you, after you do it a few times, it becomes easier. And when you focus your attention on what you want to focus it on, and then you sleep and you get good sleep. While you sleep, your brain is building that neural pathway for you, so it. It reinforces it. So you put your attention on it, and the brain puts a little marker right there. It's like puts a flag. Pay attention to this. This is important, Amber. Or whatever. And when you sleep, it starts to build that tunnel for you. And the next day you go back and it puts another marker and it builds that tunnel while you sleep. And the new habits come in. That's how you build New habits. That's how you hijack your motivation system. Because when you put your focus on something, your brain marks it. That little flag in my mind, it's like a flag the image. But what it really is, it's. It's a combination of dopamine, which is attention and motivation, and neuroepinephrine, which is also an attention getting chemical. So when those chemicals are released, it puts a little flag right there on that thing. And then you go back to it and back to it and back to it and you got to decide where you're not going to focus anymore. And the best way to do that is to decide where you are going to focus, right? It's really hard not to think about something. It's a lot easier if you can direct your thinking in another way. You'll never have complete control over your thinking. You're always going to have these pop ups that, that come in like, like we say, like in addiction they tend to say like once an addict always night, right? Like you're never gonna not have that there. But the less focus you put on it, the less of your space, your mind space it will take up. And at first it feels like it's just constantly popping up and it's just aggravating you, right? It's hard to get to go away. And then it pops up there less and less and less. And then occasionally it just like eventually it just occasionally pops up there and it's just easy to ex. If you see that addictive behavior, that thing in your life that you don't want to have anymore and you click that popup, you just reinforced it and now it's like back with like a fierceness, right? That's the job. It's going to pop in there from time to time. Even if, even if you haven't done it for a long time, it's not going to be strong. It might be a little tiny over in the corner, right? If you click it, it's going to make it come back. It's going to put it right back on your home screen. So your job is to hit that X as soon as possible and divert your energy somewhere else. And eventually you retrain that brain. What is it? If you haven't told me so far, I want to know what is it that you need to get out of your life, right? First thing gotta do is create the system that you want. Now we're going to have some more episodes of this and we're going to talk about how to decide where you want that energy to go and how to do a better job of reinforcing that energy. But if you've ever, like, set a New Year's resolution or set a goal and you get mad at yourself and you're like, I really want this, but I just don't accomplish it, probably what's happening is not that you don't want that, right? It's that you're not taking the time to build a framework that'll make that possible for yourself. Right? If you're resolution solution is you want to go to the gym every day, you have got to change some things around to even make that logistically possible, Right? You've got to think it through. You've got to set some things in place so that that becomes an easy thing for you to do. You've got to lay the foundation. So the first step in getting focused, getting more control is to. To lay the groundwork. You got to decide what's in your way, what has kept you from doing that historically. Too many times we ignore that, right? We say, I want to do this. I'm really focused on it. I'm just going to do it. Well, that's great. First thing is, why haven't I been doing it? That's okay, right? I haven't been doing it because I've been distracted with this, or I've been giving this thing over here too much energy or whatever it is. And we got to get that out of the way. So step number one is to get the things out of the way from us getting to where we really want to be, Whether that's you want to be really fit, or you want to build a giant business empire, or you want to write a book, or you want to become an artist, or you want to make music. Whatever it is that. It's this thing that you really and truly in your heart of hearts want. We gotta get the other stuff out the way first. Otherwise it's the other stuff that just keeps throwing us off course. It's not that we don't want this thing over here. This is other stuff. It's just getting in our way. It's just distracting us and getting us off course. So let's figure out how to get that off the home screen, give it less and less attention. And that is the first step. Now, next week, we're going to talk about the second step and the third step. All right, let's see what you guys have to say. All right. Oh, we got a lot of people here with us. Hello. Stephen and Paula, Renee and Vicki from South Dakota and Sarah. Sue from Iowa. Kumi from Canada. Karen. Karen says she wants them dang negative thoughts out the way. I'm with you, Karen. Don't give me attention them worried thoughts. It's a rabbit hole. It's a pop up. Now you, you can decide you're going to click on that pop up. Are you going to hit the X and say, no, thank you, not interested. Don't get tempted. Don't let that pop up. Say something scary. If you don't do this today, this bad thing is going to happen. Just hit that X. Let's see, how do we say that next name there? Ashadora Rose. Am I saying that right? Probably not. Says keep slipping back to think of someone who annoyed me. Dang annoying pop up over there. Amy S. Let's see. Trying not to think about something makes you think about it more. That's right. Because you're putting your focus on it. So. Right. So what you just, what you do is you decide what you are going to focus on. Right. That's what shifts it. Hey, Monica. Monica says she's hooked on food porn. No joke. I'm giggling just because you're calling it food porn. I love that food porn. What does that mean? Does that mean like watching cooking shows and TV and it's just like so exciting. Is it like that? Kind of like I like to watch like HGTV or Pinterest or stuff like that? Is that kind of what you mean? Let's see here. Pinky says she knows what we're talking about. Hey, Jim from Atlanta. Hey, Anthony from Buffalo. Vicki says I'm loving this. I need to hear this day. It is taking up a lot of my life. My husband is not sober. Right? Yeah, you're focusing on that. It just takes up way too much energy. And I promise you what, it's not helping him get sober to overly stress about that. If you are going to think about it, then you get strategic about it, which I know you're doing because you're watching my video. So I know you're already doing it. Tony says thanks for the info. No sleep here. Yes, we have to. Sometimes, especially if you're trying to get over an addiction or an anxiety problem or something like that, you have to take some real action steps to get your sleep process better. Sometimes you got to start the literal. First thing you got to pay attention to is the sleep cycle and figure out how to hardwire that so that it becomes more automatic for you. Because if you've gotten yourself into a pattern where you can't easily sleep like so many people have. We evolved in that we gotta figure out how to get that better so that we can. It's like our, our charging cord. We're not, we're not getting a full charge every day. And that's gonna make everything else way harder. Let's see. Amy says, I always think about my son and his mental health and how I can help him. I've begun to back off from those thoughts because he has to help himself first before I can engage him. Right. If you are going to put any energy to thinking about it, it's not so much how you can help him, but maybe how you can help him work on his operating system. Right? How you can help him figure out how to get his home page to change a little bit. And the best way to do that isn't to talk to him about how he shouldn't be doing all the stuff he's doing. Right. It isn't even to say, you know, you need help because people just don't like that. It's to reinforce it when he's doing something else. Right. When you do that, you're helping change his operating system. So not only can you change yours, you can change someone else's by paying attention to the right behaviors and reinforcing them and, and noticing them and calling it out in a helpful, good way. The right behaviors. When you do that, you start training someone else's homepage. Isn't that interesting? Let's see. Kit says it took him three years after he got sober for his cognitive functioning to completely reset. Like to get a complet new shortcuts and home screen. I can believe that Kit, but Kit didn't say this, but I know he knows this is. It gets. It didn't take three years for it to get any better. It took three years for it to get all the way better. But it starts to get a little better after like three weeks or so. It's. It's getting better. It's getting better, it's getting better. I don't. I think it scares people when they hear like three years. Oh my God. I can't like function like this for three years. It's not like you're that miserable for the whole three years. It may, it may take a year or two or maybe even three in kids case to feel completely back in control. But starts to get better every single day after those first few weeks if you just let it. And what I mean by let it is don't click the popups because when you do that it's like you go all the way backwards. Hey, Hondo. Donnie says, like a beautiful mom, where he lives with the visions but chooses not to engage with them. Oh, that's a good one, Donnie. Right? Like they're there, but he's like, I'm not painting you. That's exactly what I'm talking about. Amanda says, I find it extremely difficult to find motivation to get anything done. So let's figure out what's getting in your way, Amanda. Right. What, what's distracting you? What's not fueling you? Are you not sleeping? Are you not getting a full charge at night? Are you clicking too many pop ups? Are you putting your attention on something that's unproductive and it's just literally like draining the energy out of you in a not helpful way? Let's see here. Hey, is it. Barbie says, I'm so glad finally be on one of your live videos. Hey, we're glad you're here too. Love your videos. Hey, thanks for the support. Barbie says, after watching several of your boundaries videos, I set a boundary with my adult addict son, started focusing on my own healing and moved my focus from him to me. Right? It seems so counterintuitive, right? It seems like you have this fire over here and you're just not paying attention to it. It's like, how can you not pay attention to this fire? Because what, by paying attention to it, you're making the flames bigger. Right? You're not helping that let that fire go out. It's like you're giving it the oxygen it needs to keep going. Hey, Laura from Detroit and Susan from Michigan and Eric from Cleveland. Justine says, how do I get, how do I help him get those negative thoughts out of his head and help him get sleep without sleep? It just gets him wanting to drink again. The, the first thing you do to help him get the negative thoughts out of his head is to find him having a positive thought or a positive conversation and pay attention to it because you grow it. So find the good thing and grow the good thing. Putting more attention on the bad thing still is like negative reinforcement in psychology is still reinforcement. It's not helpful. Find the good thing and put your attention on it and that thing will take up a little bit more space and put more attention on it and it'll take up a little bit more space and before you know, it starts to crowd out the negative. Let's see here. Amy says, should I back away from my son with mental illness if he won't stop smoking weed? You. I don't know exactly what the dynamics are there. I think that you should decide what you, what interactions you're having with your son that are not productive for him and what interactions you're having with your son that are not productive for you. And shut those down. Say, you know what, it's just not helping anybody. Let's not do those anymore. Decide what, if any of the interactions that you're having with your son that are helpful for him or you. And you can keep those so you don't have to like cut them out completely. Unless if you have him around at all. It's just sometimes having an act in your life at all will just be all consuming and there's no managing it. If it's to that point, then you may need to create some literal physical and emotional space, like not be around him. Otherwise, decide where you're putting that energy, what's productive and what's not. Rachel says focusing on her daughter's addiction is draining. See here, Rachel says, I think I might need to change communication for Bart. Yes. And he says, I try to set a few minutes a day to dwell on stuff in me. And then I go on one day. I love that. It's like a skill, Anthony. It's like if you have a, a thought or a worry or something like that that you feel like you're just having a hard time managing. One of the things you can do is, is literally give yourself a permission, like set yourself a time of day and say, you know, I'm gonna let myself worry about that between 5 and 5:30. That's it, right? I'm gonna, I can't just ignore it because it's just, it won't let me ignore it, right? But you can say, give it an appointment. Give that thing an appointment time and give it your attention in the appointment time. And then that's it. You. I see this a lot, Anthony, with families. The family members of the addicted person, one of the family members probably wants to talk about it non stop to the person that's addicted and everyone else that's listening. Like for example, if there's parents, one of the parents wants to constantly talk about it and it's making them crazy. It's making the addictive person crazy, it's making the other family members crazy, right? But you can't tell that person, we're not gonna talk about it. All right, but you can give it an appointment, right? Say this is your time, this is your block, and that's it. So it knows it gets some attention, but it can't consume. So Anthony is teaching us a great skill. Take Anthony's advice. If there's something, a worry that you just can't make go away completely, give it an appointment time and an end time. Right? That's it. Psych E333. I think that's a new name. Glad to have you here. What do you do when you are relapsed? Heavy. I actually have a video that is about how to get yourself out of a relapse that you seem to be stuck in. I've got a lot of relapse prevention videos like how do you prevent it? But I do have a video or two about how do you get out of one that you're already in, which I think is what you're asking. Just look on the relapse prevention series and you'll see it there. Start again and give yourself and forgive your slip. That's really good advice. I think you're giving some advice about how to handle that relapse there. All right, everybody. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for joining us. Next week we're going to talk about that second part of motivation and attention and sort of we're going to figure out how to really, really drill down to what in your heart of hearts of hearts you really want from life. What's that big thing that really matters to you most? Because that's where you want to put your attention. So next week I'll talk to you and I'll kind of tell you the secret formula on how to get that between now and then. We are opening up our community groups to new members in March, and the good news is is the the parenting group is going to be open to new members, but we're also opening up the group that spouses or partners and we're opening up the group that's for people either thinking about getting sober in the process of getting sober or just want to maintain it. And I'm the one that's going to be running that group and the focus of that group is going to be focusing on something else. We're not going to spend a lot of time talking about addiction. We're not going to focus on that. Right. We're going to focus on what we do want and building a life that we love is going to be all about that. So if you want to be notified when those groups are open, I'm going to put a link in the description for you or in the comments if you're watching on Facebook that will allow you to put your name on the list. So you can get notified so you can get one of those spots when it opens up. All right, everybody, I'll see you next week, and we'll do part two.