Amber Hollingsworth breaks down three thinking patterns that quietly lead to relapse: hiding your recovery status to dodge awkwardness, rewarding yourself with use on special occasions, and harsh self-criticism that actually lets you off the hook. Secret-keeping about cravings or plans to use is the biggest warning sign.
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So this is three addiction relapse thinking patterns that really go under the radar. Almost everyone misses these, and they're very dangerous because they can definitely pull you back down into addiction. For those of you who are new here, I'm Amber Hollingsworth, and you're watching Put the Shovel down, the YouTube channel designed to help keep you five steps ahead of addiction at all time so you can get back to living the life that you want to live. So in the past on this channel, we've talked about thinking patterns that end in relapse. And I will put a link to those videos for you at the very end of this video. But in this video, we're going to talk about the really, really sneaky addiction thinking patterns that you really don't even quite recognize when they're happening to you. These are the ones that sneak right through the radar. If you have any sort of recovery under your belt or clean or sober time, you can maybe ward off the thought of just one more time, or I'll just drink a couple or something like that. Those are like the standard thoughts, and you eventually figure out that it doesn't work that way. But there are still these really sneaky ones, like I said, that just come at you in disguise that you may not even realize are actual relapse thoughts. So it's important to be able to identify them when they happen to you. These things we're going to talk about today are like the advanced monster mouths. And just when I was getting ready to make my list for you, my notes for this video, I thought of one more. So I'm going to give you three. And if you stick around to the end, you're going to get a really good bonus one. Because I thought, oh, this is one more really good one. I got to add that in there. Okay, so the first really sneaky addiction thought, this thought that goes something like, oh, I don't want to tell my friends or my family or my co workers I'm recovering because I don't want to make them feel awkward around me. So you see, it's not even like a bad intention when you're having that thought. It comes in this form of, like, I'm looking out for other people, but deep down inside, when you look way deep down in there, then you know that there is a little part of you that's not wanting to tell it in case you change your mind, in case this whole sobriety thing just doesn't work out. You don't want to tell everybody that you don't drink because then you'll be accountable for that. Now you got to dig down in there, and you got to be really honest. And even if you're not even thinking that at the time, maybe you really and truly are doing it for heartfelt reasons. To not make your friends or family or someone else uncomfortable even at the time. That's why you're making it. The thought will come in that eventually maybe you're with them and they're drinking and everyone's having fun, but you didn't tell them that you don't drink. Or maybe you told them you're not drinking tonight, but you didn't tell them, like, you don't drink. It leaves room for those monster mouths to sneak back in there. Now, you guys know I always say addiction can only live in the dark. When you turn the light on it, it doesn't survive. You gotta think about it like it's like some kind of little, like, fungus in a petri dish. And it has to have, like, these exact right conditions to thrive. Those conditions are darkness, secrecy, shame, insecurity. That right there, that's the perfect conditions for addiction to thrive in. When you turn the light on it and you add some honesty and humility, integrity, it literally cannot live in those conditions. It's like weather conditions. So if you'll control the conditions, you can get control of this addiction. The number two really sneaky, addictive thinking pattern is rewarding yourself. You know, most of the time, we kind of know, like, we should be careful if we're really stressed or if we're really down or really depressed. That might be a high risk time. But most of the time, it doesn't get on our radar. That times of celebration and good times and positive times are also really high risk. Anytime you get in the emotional extremes, you have more of a risk because your. Your sort of guard is down further because your emotions are up further. So the more you turn up the emotions, the more your shield turns down. So it's important to realize that this celebration can be a very high risk time. And what I see a lot of times is that we'll tell ourselves something like, you know, I've been doing really good. I haven't drank in a month. I'm just going to have myself, like a cheat day. I'm going to re myself with just having a beer with friends or a couple of glasses of wine or something like that. And we don't even see that as a relapse. We're almost like, no, I've been on good behavior the same Way you might if you've been like on a diet and you're like, oh, I'm gonna have a cheat day. That's a very, very sneaky thought. And if it could work that way and stay there, it'd probably be okay. But most people that have made the decision to stop some kind of addictive behavior, the reason you've decided to stop is because you don't manage it well. So you've to find some other way to reward yourself. It's just that you have in your mind, it's just linked up like, okay, great, I did good, I'm celebrate, I reward myself this way. And it's almost like this little automatic thought that sneaks in. So watch out for that one. Because the timing of that one a lot of times is one that you just don't expect. And you would be surprised to see how many people reward themselves. And maybe you've done this in the past. I've done this in the past with letting yourself do the very behavior that you've been trying not to do. That's your reward now. Number three, sneaky addiction relapse thinking pattern is when you, it's kind of the opposite of the celebration one. It's actually when you beat yourself up and you get mad at yourself and you start telling yourself you're no good, lazy, you don't even deserve, you know, to have good things in your life. And it may look like you're being humble or you're being truthful with yourself, but you're really not. When you're beating yourself up to that degree, you, you are literally just setting yourself up for not having to be responsible because it may sound to other people and other people may say, oh, they feel so sorry for him. Oh, he doesn't like himself. He's got poor self esteem. You know, he, he thinks the worst of himself. And I'm like, no, no, it's not sad and pitiful. What that is, is that is a way of letting yourself off the hook of having to be responsible and make good decisions. When you beat yourself up, you will invariably come around the back end, rescue yourself from yourself. Beating yourself up. I know that was kind of complicated, but you're tracking me, so don't allow yourself to go into that really negative self talk because it doesn't lead anywhere good. All right, I told you, if you watch the whole video, I'll give you a bonus one. Here's your big bonus. Sneaky addictive thinking relapse pattern. And that one is any kind of secret keeping when you're secret keeping, about wanting to use, about cravings, about planning to use or thinking to use, or a relapse that you recently just had, when you're secret keeping, you begin to block out positive supports, even if it's on a subconscious level, because you feel this guilt inside. And so if you find yourself moving back into secret keeping behaviors, even with things that don't even seem like they're related to addiction at all, what it's doing is it's pulling you back into that same old behavior pattern, which is going to pull you back into that same old thinking and feeling pattern. So if you find that you're doing a lot of secret keeping again, that is a huge, major relapse warning sign. Pay attention to it. And you got to think about those secrets. I think of them like they're like little splinters. And if you leave them in there, they get infected. So rid yourself of the secrets, because that splinter, it gets toxic, it gets infected, it turns into shame, it turns into resentment, it turns into guilt, it turns into nothing good. So get rid of it. Now. If you want to hear about the three most common relapse warning thinking patterns, relapse warning signs, then watch this video next because these are the most common ones, and I guarantee you're going to relate to these.
