This Illusion Is Why It's Hard To Break Addictions' Hold

So your loved one will commit to short periods of sobriety and they'll do well for these little sober stints, but they won't commit to long term sobriety or recovery. And you're probably wondering, what the heck is that all about? What does it mean? And how do I get them to the point where they're willing to stay sober long term? Well, that's what we're going to be talking about in today's video because there are actually several different reasons why this might be happening. And it's important for you to differentiate which one of these things is going on so you can decide what is the best way to respond. Now, the first scenario that could be happening here is that your loved one is trying to stay sober long term, but they're having setbacks. So in their mind, they're committed to being sober, they're in recovery, but they're just not making it very long. Maybe they're making it a week or two or 30 days or even six months. That has a totally different meaning than some of these other things. In that kind of situation. The problem isn't that they're in denial and it's not that they're not trying, it's more that something is standing in their way. Maybe there's a certain relapse trigger, maybe there's a certain situation they're not dealing with in their life that keeps pulling them back. When a person is stuck in that cycle, it's really important to figure out what keeps pulling me back. Because eventually what happens to the person is they start to think I'm never going to get this. Obviously I just can't do this. And I never get past, you know, 30 days. They can get these sort of like mental blocks going on, which then can create sort of like a self fulfilling prophecy. So, so it's important to get a handle on what is it that keeps pulling the person back. And for most people it's actually a pretty predictable pattern. And once you can put your finger on it, you can better get in front of it. Now, the second scenario as to why a person gets these short periods of sobriety, these little stints of being sober, is that they're actually trying to prove to themselves that they don't have an addiction problem, that they're not an alcoholic, that they're not an addict, because it's like this little self test thing that's going on. It's a way of proving to themselves that they can't possibly be alcoholic or addicted because they can stay sober for three days, seven days, 10 days, 30 days, 60 days. In that kind of scenario, the person really isn't trying to be in recovery at all. In fact, they're trying to prove to themselves that they don't need to be in recovery. The thing that most people don't understand is that you can be addicted to something and still have the capacity to take breaks away from it. A better indicator about whether or not you have an addiction to drugs or alcohol is whether or not you can consistently predict how much you're going to use. If you find that once you start, you have a hard time stopping, and that you often go over your own limits and boundaries and the promises that you've made, and that you regularly regret going over those limits, that's a better indicator of whether or not you can take breaks from. It really isn't a reliable indicator. Now, the fourth scenario we're going to talk about is a very common one and very important for you to understand exactly what's happening there. But before we get to that one, I want to tell you about the third situation where people engage in these short term sobriety phases, and that is that they're trying to sort of like test out the waters of sobriety, and they're afraid to commit to longer than that because they're not sure, number one, if they can do it. And number two, like, what life is going to be like sober. And I actually encourage this with a lot of clients that are maybe on the fence about it. I say, you know what, let's just do an experiment and see how you feel and what changes. And I try to get the person to agree to at least 30 days sober, but if possible, a little bit more. And the reason why that's so important is because the first couple of weeks for sure, of being sober feels crappy and you're going to feel worse. And I don't want the person to get in their mind like this is what sober feels like, because that's actually what withdrawal feels like. You need to get at least past those two weeks. And if you can get past 30 days, you get to the point where your brain starts to actually balance back out and you feel like you're coming back to yourself, and you start to even begin to feel like you might have the capacity to have a little joy and happiness without the addictive behavior. So when people want to try out sobriety, I always encourage them to get at least 30 days, and 60 would be even better so they can get a real feel for what being sober is really like. Now this fourth reason people do the short term sobriety thing is because they're trying to actually do something. And maybe they don't use this word, but basically they're trying to do a reset. Kind of like if I take this sober break, then my brain will reset, my tolerance will go back down, and then I can break this cycle of addictive behavior. So it's a way of convincing yourself that if I can take a week, two weeks, 30 days, and stay completely sober, brain is going to reset and then I'll be able to use manageably. That is the thought process here. Unfortunately, it doesn't really work like that. Yes, your brain does reset, like I said, in those 30 to 60 days, but it will rebound back into those addictive neural pathways very, very quickly, usually within a day to three days, a week at most. You're going to find yourself back to being in those same patterns of addictive behavior. And that's because these things have become habit and they're very well entrenched in your brain. Not to mention there's a whole bunch of neurochemical stuff that's going on. You can hear about that in other videos that I've created. But basically you fall right back into it. You reopen it. It's kind of like once you know how to ride a bike, you can't unknow it. Once you know how to swim, you can't stop yourself from swimming. If someone throws you into the water, it's just a reflex. That's what's going to happen to you after you go back. You might have a day or two or maybe a few days where you have more control over it and your tolerance is lower. But I promise it's not going to last long. And ultimately you find yourself right back in the same old situation you were before. Now, if you're watching this as a family member or a loved one who's concerned about someone who has an addiction, the. What I want you to know about these things is that any period of sobriety is actually a step in the right direction. And maybe your loved one isn't totally getting, you know, the extent of the problem or what they actually need to do long term. But these little trials can actually be helpful. So don't necessarily discourage them and don't tell them, well, you know, you don't really mean it because you won't commit to staying sober. Amber says, you know, 30 days isn't really going to reset your brain. Be positive and encouraging and supporting, because what you really want this person to understand is that life is better over here. The grass is greener. So you don't want to do things that perpetuate the idea that life will be better if I was still engaging my addictive behavior. Now, if you're watching this video and you have tried short term sobriety, or you have a loved one who's tried short term sobriety, I'd love to hear from from you. What was your experience like? How did that work for you? And what was the thinking behind taking the sober break? 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