This Simple Mindset Shift Makes Beating Your Drug or Alcohol Addiction 10X's Easier!

The biggest reason why overcoming your addiction feels so doggone hard is because you have it in your mind consciously or subconsciously that letting go of this behavior or substance or whatever it is, is going to make your life suck. Yeah, that's what it is. You think in your mind that I'll be missing out, life won't be as fun. It'll be like I'm just on good behavior forever. And the sound of that and the thought of that sounds pretty terrible, don't you think? I think so. And that is actually why it feels so hard to overcome an addiction because it feels like you're just trying to be on good behavior and it feels like you're missing out and everyone else gets to do whatever it is, but you don't. But that's not actually the truth. And if you can do this one little shift in your thinking that we're going to talk about in this video, it is going to become 10 times easy, easier. Seriously, it's going to feel like night and day as far as how difficult it is to overcome your addiction. It's just going to make you see things a whole different way. Now, The thing you have to shift is you have to shift from seeing sobriety as deprivation to seeing sobriety as freedom. Simple, right? Well, in order to do that, we're going to have to backtrack just a little bit and we're going to have to figure out where the wires got crossed and why your brain sees it as deprivation. So we can really sort of unravel that faulty thinking and replace it with the new, healthier, more truthful thinking. Okay? So I'm going to introduce you to a concept. You may have heard of it before, but even if you've heard of it, you might not have applied it to addiction in this way. The concept, it's a psychological concept. It's called confirmation bias, right? Probably you've heard of it before. If you've heard it before, give me a little hand emoji in the comments so I know that you're tracking along with me. If you haven't, just put me a little question mark in the comments. So confirmation bias is a human tendency. We all do it, and it's our tendency to look for evidence in our life that fits with the stuff that we already believe. And not only that, but we disqualify or minimize or flat out reject Any evidence in life that we come across that does not fit with our beliefs. Now, we do this in the workplace. We do this with religious beliefs. We do this with financial beliefs. We do this with politics. What we are subconsciously only scanning our environment for what proves the theory, the decision that we've already made. Think about like science class back in middle school, and you learn about the scientific process and making hypotheses and theories, right? And you have these studies. Why do you have to do blind studies in science? Because if you don't, the researcher will subconsciously only select evidence that fits to support their hypothesis. And guess what? We're all little scientists in that way. We all do that with the things in our life. And part of that, a big part of that is because of our ego. Our ego doesn't like to admit maybe we're wrong about something. Maybe we made a mistake somewhere along the way. Like let's say we chose to be in a relationship and now the relationship's not so great and everyone around you saying, hey, maybe this isn't a good idea, but you keep defending it because it's a choice that you made or a job that you took. or a political alliance that you have. It's the inability to see things clearly. Now let's take that concept and apply it to the addiction process so you can kind of see where the wires maybe get crossed up and where things go wrong. When you first start engaging in whatever the addictive behavior is, whether it's a substance behavior, whatever it is, You tell yourself that it is making your life better, that it is adding something, that it's either taking away some kind of discomfort or adding some kind of pleasure or making you more productive or making you more social. You feel like addictive behavior, whatever that is, is making your life better. And to be perfectly honest with you, it probably did for a while. It probably did make things better for some time, but then it turned into an addiction. And once it's turned into an addiction, it no longer makes things better. But it's like your brain doesn't want to acknowledge that. It's like your brain wants to hang on to this belief, this thought, this decision that you made years ago that doesn't even apply anymore. And so what happens is we've already decided that we need this thing in our life because it makes our life better. And to add onto that, we feel like we would be missing out if we didn't have it. And we feel like our life would just totally suck if we couldn't have it. And not only that, but even more than in other situations, the confirmation bias comes on even more strongly because not only do we sort of like subconsciously look to support our own belief system. But when you have an addiction, you have very actively defended the addiction, like out loud to other people over and over and over again. You have said that you need it. You have said that it's making your life better. You have said that it's the right decision for you out loud. So not only is this little sort of quiet behind the scenes process going on, but it's a very active interactive process going on when you have an addiction because people are on your case. They want you to stop. They want you to slow down. They you to quit. And every time they try to engage you with any of that, you defend it. Now, depending on your personality type, you might not defend it out loud, but either way, you're defending it in your head. I have to because I can't because, and you have all these rationalizations and justifications built up. Now layer those things on the top. So you've got this, I'm not going to let go of this decision I made a long time ago. Lay it on the top of, I've been busy justifying it for years to other people. And then let's add another layer in there. Somewhere along the way, you probably even decided that people that don't do whatever that is, substance behavior, are lame, are stupid, are missing out, are boring, are dumb, or like don't get it. You've decided that those other people that don't do it. Are crummier, less than people. I know you're probably not going to admit that, but that's part of the process of justifying your own lifestyle choices, right? So it's like, this is the better choice. I'm on the good side. Those other people, I don't know what they're doing. They're just crazy. They're on that side over there. So you've decided the substance is better. You've decided the lifestyle's better. You've rationalized it. You've justified it. No dang wonder it's so hard to undo all that thinking that you have spent years and years and years convincing yourself of. I mean, it's like changing your religion, right? Here's what's going to make it easy. If you will realize that maybe you're in a little bit of a confirmation bias and you will start to look at the truth of the situation, like the real evidence. I'm not talking about lying to yourself. I'm not I'm talking about being on good behavior. I'm talking about, let's look at the facts. Is this substance still making your life better? Does it still do for you what it used to do for you? I doubt it because that is the nature of addictive behavior. Whatever substance you use, whatever benefit it gives you upfront, it causes 10 times that problem on the back end. So if you're using a substance because it makes your anxiety less, the rebound effect of that will be to make your anxiety 10 times more. If you're abusing a substance because you feel like it gives you energy, the rebound effect from that substance will make you depressed, tired, and have no energy. Can't even get up out of the bed. If you're abusing a substance to take care of pain, like pain pills, physical or emotional, guess what the rebound of that substance is? The rebound effect on a biological level is extreme pain. So yes, it may have done something helpful for you in the beginning, but It stopped being helpful for you a long time ago. And not only is it not helpful, but it's making things 10 times worse because you're getting that biological rebound effect, which means your brain is trying to counteract whatever behavior or substance you're doing by producing the chemicals that are the opposite of that behavior or substance. So it's like if you're Even if you're engaging in some of these like process addictions, like gambling or video games or shopping or sex or something like that, that's about dopamine. And so what happens is you get dopamine dysregulation where you lose the ability to experience those dopamine feelings. Even if it's not like a substance addiction, it's a behavior addiction. This still applies. You get the rebound effect. And you end up, whatever problem it was that you felt like the addictive thing was solving becomes bigger and bigger and bigger. Add onto the top of that all the other dang on problems that are being caused in this process, like the financial problems, like the relationship problems, the school problems, the work problems, the self-esteem and self-confidence problems, right? See, now not only is the original problem worse, But you've got all these other sort of negative consequences, side effects, whatever, from the addiction, and life pretty much sucks. And then you get into the position where it does feel like this is the only thing that gives me any relief. And there may be a little bit of truth in that because I don't believe in lying to you. I'm going to tell you like it is. There may be some truth in the fact that when you engage in that addictive behavior, it's the only thing that gives you any relief. But the reason for that is not because the substance is working for you or the behavior, not because it's making your life better. The only reason it's giving you any relief is just because it's relieving the withdrawal from the addiction. So you're just stuck in a withdrawal cycle. And if you would back up from it and be honest and look at it, I know you feel like you're going to be missing out, but it's not true. You're actually, when you're in active addiction, you're missing out on Everything because of this addiction, because it controls your life. You can't have fun without it. You can't experience joy without it. You can't feel good without it. Your life revolves around it. So nothing else in life can give you pleasure other than the addiction. That is real missing out. Serious missing out. You literally miss out. On everything else in life. Now, I know you could participate in some activities. I know you could go on vacation. I know you could have relationships, and I know you could have a job and be addicted, but you can't enjoy them. Not without the substance because of what it does in your brain. It doesn't allow you to enjoy those other things the same. So the truth of it is, is you're missing out on everything. When you're in active addiction. I heard somebody say, I think this gets said a lot in recovery circles, recovery is give up one thing and get everything else. And addiction is give up everything else for one thing. That's the real truth of the choice that you have to make. That is the honesty behind the situation. And when you can back up and you can sort of let your ego let go of Some of those things that you decided a long time ago, or maybe you can just at least acknowledge that it was true then, but it's not true anymore. Then when you think about being sober, it's not going to feel like deprivation. It's going to feel like freedom. It's going to feel like you're getting something. And once you make that shift, then you're actually happy about being sober. Then you're actually grateful about being sober. And making this shift is the difference in night and day. If you've tried to get sober in the past, then looking back on it, you probably realize, yeah, I was sober, but I wasn't happy during that time. And it's because I was telling myself I was missing out. It's because I was telling myself that I wasn't getting something that I wanted. I was in a deprivation state. And once you see people get in long-term sobriety or recovery, they don't feel like that. And a big piece of the reason is it's this mind shift. Now, sometimes people make this mind shift after they get sober because they realize it once they're sober and they're on the other side of it. They realize the truth is more easy to see once you have that sober, clear mind and you've got some distance and you're looking back at it. You can see the truth a lot easier. But the earlier in this process you can have that Thinking shift, the easier it will be. You will be excited about the life that you're walking into, not dreading the life that you're walking into. And it is that simple. Now, of course, there are other things that go into the process, but it just won't feel near as hard once you stop seeing it as a deprivation, because it's our sort of our human instinct to not want to be deprived. We want to have it all. We don't want to miss out. And if we think we're being deprived, it makes us constantly want that thing. And really being sober isn't being deprived of anything. It's being allowed to have pretty much anything else that you want in life. Hobbies, interests, activities, relationships, career, school, projects, artistic endeavors, whatever. You have all that back once you give up this one thing because your brain chemicals will heal and because you will Have the ability to experience joy, pleasure, happiness, and contentment again. And when you're really honest with yourself, you know when you're way in active addiction that you lost that somewhere along the way. Let's check out and see who's watching with us live. If you're watching on the replay, we're glad you're here too. Definitely want you to join in the conversation. Let me know what you think about it. Have you made this shift? Do you know someone that's made this shift? I've seen so many clients make it. It's just like a light bulb turns on when you see people make a shift. It's like their whole attitude is different. The whole process seems different. It just, it's like maybe with clients, sometimes I'll see them try it 10 times and it was like so hard and they would get 3 months sober, but it was like grueling. And then all of a sudden they make this shift and it's like the light comes on in their life. They feel better. They're excited about it. They're noticing everything's improved instead of noticing what they're missing out on. It just completely changes your filter. It's like an Instagram filter. You change that thing and it changes everything. That's what this mind shift is like. Hey, Christina, uh, and Cynthia. Uh, let's see who else is here. I like your username. No Diggity said, um, I tried to beat my addictions but it was too hard, so now we have a working arrangement. What is your working arrangement? I like to know what that is. Okay. How do you help them let go of their ego? That's a really good question, Yvette. And I think it's really about helping them see that maybe something was true then, but it's not true now. And it's just about looking at the facts because most of the time when we're doing this confirmation bias thing, we're not consciously doing it. We're not like being arrogant. We're not like being bullheaded. We literally aren't. We don't even know that we're doing it because it's happening automatically. And so once people become aware that they're doing that, they can catch it and they can look at things more honestly and true, see the truth a lot easier. Yvette says, how long does it take for them to have a clear head? As far as when someone gets sober? I would say, I'd say a month or so before it starts to really show the difference. And as it goes on after that month, it's clearer and clearer and clearer. And usually once a person gets past a month, they look back and they're like, oh my God, how did I live like that? That was freaking miserable. I can't believe I got up and did that every single day. I'm so happy I don't have to do that anymore. And it's a complete 180. And like I said, sometimes that happens and then people get sober because they suddenly realize it. And sometimes people get sober and then somewhere along the way they realize it. Either which way, it's this realization that's necessary for long-term sustained recovery because otherwise it just feels like work, constant hard work. And eventually you wear out and you wear down and you have a bad day and then something happens and then it's like the dam breaks and then you go back. But when it doesn't feel like it's constant work and you're not constantly holding the damn back because you like your life and you feel good without it and you're happy you don't have to have it, it's not like this big resisting thing anymore. I mean, sure, you have to get through detox and withdrawal, but once you can realize the difference in withdrawal and wanting a substance, it just makes everything different. Leanne says, my son has had this mindset. Mindset shift and can be sober for a length of time, but he still relapses. He acknowledges anxiety and relationship stress triggers him. He's diagnosed with OCD and has high anxiety anyway. How do you help him get the part— get, I think you're saying get past the anxiety and beat the stressors. Seems the OCD really plays a huge part of his relapses. I don't, this is total guess here, Liam. But I'm guessing that your son might also have another confirmation bias about his anxiety. He may be telling himself that he can't do it or that his anxiety is so bad that he has to have it. So there may be a slightly different slant on it, but he may be convincing himself of that and he may be convincing himself of that because he's had relapses in the past. So now he's decided that I can only make it this far, or I won't ever be sober forever because I've I have this big giant thing and I'll never be able to beat it. That's another kind or type of confirmation bias that we have to sort of look at more objectively. So he may have some irrational thoughts about the anxiety, which is irrational thought about his ability to beat the anxiety or manage the anxiety or sit with the anxiety. And I bet if he maybe addressed that, that might help, but that's just a total guess because obviously I don't know. I haven't talked to this person. Just a guess. I don't know if I'm saying your name right. Ampero, I hope I am. Do you have any experience in dealing with a loved one with drug-induced psychosis? Yes. I worked in a private psychiatric hospital for like 10 years, and in that hospital it dealt with extreme Psychological crises. It was called acute care, which is kind of just fancy for emergency, psychiatric emergency. And we dealt with psychosis in there a lot. And you can have that, what you're talking about, that substance-induced psychosis. And that can be a tricky thing. Sometimes substance-induced psychosis will clear itself up once the person is sober. And then sometimes you have like substance-induced psychotic disorder, which is a slightly different, it's kind of, I guess the difference is like this. Some substances will make you have psychosis because of the effects of the drug. Like you could use so much cocaine, you could experience psychosis because you're on the drug. Then there's this other thing where it's like the drug use, not the actively being high from the drug, but the drug use over a period of time has now triggered a mental health psychotic break, which is harder to clear up. And I know that seems a little cloudy, but one is literally like if you take acid, you have psych— you could have psychosis because you're on the acid, but when you come off the acid, it goes away. That's different than like, let's say you are using drugs and you trigger like a bipolar mania cycle that has psychosis included. And that's where it can get complicated. And when you run into that, you are Usually going to need some professional medical help for that. What I can tell you about that is you can't talk someone out of a delusion. You can't rationalize it away. And the more you try to do that, the worse and more ingrained it's going to get. So I know it's tempting when someone has this crazy belief and you're just like, how could you possibly believe that? And we want to like talk to them and reason with them. The more you do that, the more entrenched the belief becomes because they'll get invested in defending it and finding evidence. like what we're talking about now to fit with what the irrational belief is. And the belief and the psychosis will get more and more and more bizarre. It's like a web that grows. The more you try to rationalize it, the bigger, weirder it gets. So you got to be careful with that. Cynthia said he's still going strong. I love it. I love it. Christina says, My husband has substance addictions, but now I'm sober, but I'm still addicted to his attention and I'm still getting hurt. So this is kind of complicated. So you, it sounds like, okay, let me flesh this out, Christina. So you're sober, but he's still engaging in substance abuse and you feel sort of left out. And I could understand that because when you're in a relationship with somebody who has an addiction, The best you can ever be is second. And that's the best because the addiction has to come first. It's just the nature of it. You have to sort of scratch that itch before you can think about anything else. And then it only lasts for a few minutes and then you got to go back to scratching that itch. And so you probably do feel left out and on the back burner. And the truth of it is, is because you are kind of on at least the second tier burner. I know that sounds mean. I hate to say it, but It's the truth. And anyone who's in recovery from an addiction will tell you that. It's not that they can't love you. It's not that they can't care about you, but they can't put you ahead of their addiction when they're in the active addiction. And that's hurtful. Yes, this is what's happening with the psychosis. Is it the one where it's like the substance-induced psychotic disorder, like it's going on way past when the substance wears off, that's harder to treat. And honestly, like I said, usually it's going to take like a psychiatric intervention, like seeing a doctor, maybe even being hospitalized, like in a place where I used to work. It can be complicated. It can last for months. And when people are in that psychotic state, they're not Predictable. And any of us can become psychotic. And if you believe something is true, especially if it's like a paranoia psychosis or something like that, you can be dangerous because your reality isn't everybody else's reality and you're reacting to the reality in your head, whether or not it's true or not. It's your reality. And so that can get pretty complicated. And having a loved one dealing with that is very difficult and very frustrating because you can't reason with it. I want to let you guys know that at the end of this week, we are opening up our memberships and it is a great way to support this channel and get access to exclusive content from all of our specialists. You're going to have me, I'm going to be producing exclusive content in there. Campbell, our parent specialist, Kim, our relationship specialist, we're all going to be joining forces to create this sort of VIP membership where we're going to be helping you recover yourself. Working on some of these sort of deeper psychological things. We're going to go a lot deeper than what we get on YouTube because we can kind of get down in there and learn and grow together. So I've put the link in the description if you're interested in that. We will be opening that up on October 1st, so you may want to get yourself on the list. All right everybody, I'll see you next time. Bye.