Understanding Your SHADOW SIDE

All right, ladies and gentlemen, today we are going deep. We're going way deep into the psychological realm. We're going to be talking about some of Carl Jung's work. And we're in specifically, we're talking about the shadow side. Now, the shadow side is a term that's really sort of meant to talk about those darker aspects of ourselves. And for anyone who wants to live your best life, become your best self, it's quite necessary to understand these concepts. And if you're thinking, oh, I don't have a dark side, then you better watch maybe twice, because everyone has a dark side. And the way that you sort of get to your best self is to acknowledge your dark side and sort of harness it. And I'm going to give you some information about how to do that. So we're going to start out by talking about ways to identify your dark side or other people's dark side. Some archetypes. We're going to take a look at that. And then we're also going to spend some time at the end talking about how to sort of, once you figure out your own dark side, how to work through that, integrate it into who you are as a whole person so that you can sort of overcome it, or at least it's not really. I guess I shouldn't say overcome it, but you can gain control over it. All right, so the dark side, let's talk about where it comes from first. Where it comes from is, you know, when we're babies and we're toddlers, we all. We tend to be, you know, babies and toddlers and children are egocentric, they're selfish, they are envious, they're jealous. And, you know, it's kind of like the whole world revolves around babies and children, and that's as it should be, and that's okay. But during our growing up, we have to figure out how to socialize ourselves so that we can become adults that can interact in the world successfully. And humans are social creatures, so we need each other for survival purposes. So basically, it means as we grow up, we gotta learn how to act right. And because we have to learn how to act right, we suppress some of those really, like, primal urges that we have. And it's those primal urges that make up our dark side. Okay, so. So now that you know where it comes from, everyone has it. So maybe instead of calling it like our shadow side or dark side, it's almost like your inner child, right? The parts of you that, as you grew, your parents and school and church or, you know, your Family, whoever else has influence over you, kind of not beat out of you, obviously, but maybe they did do that. Maybe they beat it out of you, but they sort of taught you differently. You know, they. They taught you, you know, you have to be polite or you have to do this, or you can't just hit somebody. You know, you have to learn how to suppress those aggressive urges and those selfish urges, which is quite necessary for survival. It's not a bad thing. But occasionally we can suppress those things so far down into our subconscious that the subconscious begins to rule the show. And those shadow side, that shadow side of ourselves can sort of leak out in very unhealthy ways. And it is sure to do that. If you won't acknowledge it, if you're keeping it really suppressed down there, that's when it has more control. So the way you gain control of it is to take the unconscious and bring it into the conscious. Then you can make decisions on what to do with that darker energy. And it's not necessarily bad energy, but it's that human part of all of us, those human instinctual drives that we have to really push down. Because in some ways we see them as taboo or forbidden and not okay. There are just certain things that we learn along the way that are just not okay behaviors. So I am going to give you some. What they. What Carl Jung calls archetypes. They're kind of like personality types, and they're real generalizations. I'm going to give you a few of those, because once you can identify what the archetype is, whether it's in yourself or in someone else, you can kind of figure out what the. The shadow side is. What is that little sort of like that little kid need that's being suppressed or repressed and not being addressed? That's kind of leaking through. Okay. The way you do that is a really simplified way to do that is if you know what the archetype is. This mask that we wear, not mask in a bad way, but our socially appropriate self, that mask, it's usually pretty much like the opposite of whatever that is. Now, we all have a tendency to do some of these things, but we. Our nature is we can sort of gravitate towards some defense mechanisms more than others. So as we go through these archetypes, try to think to yourself, you know, which ones of these apply to me? Which ones are more drivers for yourself as a person than the others. The first one we're going to talk about is called the toughest guy. Now, the tough guy, this sort of Cowboy type personality which doesn't like to show vulnerability. It is a cover for softness and vulnerability. So like I said, it's. You can kind of tell it's the opposite. You know what someone's demonstrating in excessiveness, what they're really repressing on the inside is the opposite of whatever that is. Now these, these stereotypes that I'm going to give you, we all, like I said, we all have some of this in ourselves. But when you come across someone who seems to be. Have these archetypes in an extreme form or that seems to be coming out really loudly, then you should be aware that they are really working hard to suppress something on the inside which probably is going to come out in some kind of negative way. So be careful, I guess, is what I'm saying. When you see these sort of screaming really loud archetype personalities come out in people. So the tough guy, you'll see that exterior crack sometimes. You'll see like little hints of vulnerability. Crack through sometimes or they'll fall apart, or they'll be tearful and it's like, it's almost like the dam breaks. You see a little leak of it come out and then they collect themselves, they put that mask back on and they're right back to being the tough guy. Now if you're dealing with someone who has this tough guy exterior, the mask that they wear is this like, I'm strong, independent, courageous, that kind of thing. That's like super strong. Then you, it's important to know that keep in your mind not to completely fall into that line of thinking about that person and realize what's really going on on the inside of them. But it's also important not to directly to confront that head on. Especially if you, you know, don't have a really good relationship with this person. Because what you're going to do is you're going to trigger their insecurities which is going to make the ugliness come out. People, when you trigger their insecurities, the ugliness shows. That's one of the ways you can find someone's shadow side is when that button is touched, you're going to see that other piece of their personality. And we all have this. The next archetype or personality type we're going to talk about is called your saint self, right? It's this personality where. It's this personality that's full of goodness and purity. They are beyond corruption. They have endless compassion for others. The real need that's being suppressed here is a need for power, attention and control. Right. And so it's almost like the opposites, like what they portray is this selflessness, but what they really want is a. There's a selfish desire or need inside to have power. Power is a need that every human being has. Some of us can get that need met more effectively than others. Think about for the saint. For the saint personality type. Think about these like really public figures that you hear about sometimes. And it's like they have this reputation that they're wonderful, they're leaders. Maybe they're like known for their preacher or a president or something or something like that. And then all of a sudden this big scandal comes out about them that is that repressed part of themselves that they're not dealing with that's sort of sneaking through the cracks. It kind of leaks out at times and then sometimes it can sort of break through and take over. Let's see, the next one we're going to talk about is called the passive aggressive charmer personality type. This is a person that when you meet them, they're very positive, they're upbeat, they're focused on you. They seem to be quite charming and they pull you in with their sort of their selflessness, their kindness, their caretaking ability. And you will see the cracks in that armor because I'm gonna plug up my computer here in just a second. You'll see the cracks in their armor sometimes sneak through by. Give me one sec here. I don't want my computer down. Oh, there we go. You'll hear them do things like gossip or make a, like a snide comment. Just kind of, I call it like a drive by knifing. Right. They just kind of stick it in there and you didn't even know it was coming. That is a pretty good indicator that you're dealing with the passive aggressive, charming personality type. The next personality type or archetype to think about is the fanatic. This is the person that has this passion or forcefulness about some kind of topic that they are very outspoken in. They may be leaders of some kind of initiative or politics or religion and they, they're so passionate. It's easy to get wrapp up in this personality type because a lot of times they're saying and expressing some of the things that you may be repressing or that you feel. So we really like them because they're the ones out there sort of saying and doing the things that we kind of wish we could say or do. The. They sort of radiate a confidence, but they do have a flare for the drama. The Cracks in this armor can be indecisiveness and secretly doubtful. So it's kind of like these people that exude this confidence, this fierceness, this like, go get it ness. Those are the ones the secret sort of unmet need is. It's an indecisiveness, it's a lack of confidence. You can see, again, this opposite thing that someone is portraying. The next personality type is called a rigid rationalizer. And these are people that tend to come across as very intellectual, very objective. You know, they may sort of put themselves out there. Like, they don't make emotional decisions and they're always so wise and so objective, and they only do things that make sense. And what they're really suppressing is we all have that human need to be irrational or silly or laugh or do things that don't make sense or spend money that you shouldn't spend. We all have those, those youthful parts of ourselves. And the rigid rationalizer goes to such an extreme to suppress those needs that that's where you're going to see with this person. Their dark side is going to sort of break through the cracks of that longing for irrational behavior. The extreme entrepreneur. This person exhibits high standards of work. They're confident, they have an attention to detail, they have a crazy work ethic. And they're shadow side is a fear of failure. And what you'll often see with this type is that they'll do really well until they finally get to the, you know, whatever it is, this goal that they're trying to reach. And then all of a sudden the dam breaks and you see all of that shadow side leak through. To be your best self, you must first, like, acknowledge where your shadow side is coming from. Those of you who are watching, where do you. Which one of those archetypes do you think you struggle with a little bit? I'm sure that something in there had to resonate with you, right? The first step is to acknowledge what is your shadow side. Because if you can't acknowledge it, if you don't know what it is, then that means it is running the show. So to be integrated, you have to take your shadow side and mesh it in with your mask side, your socially appropriate self. And that's how you become your authentic self. We've done a lot of talk lately in the videos about the. We had a video called the Uncomfortable Truth where we talked about why good people do bad things. This week we released another video where we talked about Mask and the layers of yourself. And this video is really all about helping you understand those things and go just a tiny bit deeper. There are four stages for you, for you as an individual to process your own shadow side. Number one, the first thing you have to do is find your shadow side. And the way you can do this, there's a few ways you can spot it. Look for contradictory behavior where it's like this person, they seem to be solid in this area and then all of a sudden they do these little things that's like, what is that? Or where does that come from? It's like the really kind person. And all of a sudden they're just mean, snappy and judgmental. You can see it's leaking through the cracks. You can look inside at your dreams. A lot of times your subconscious repressed needs will sort of surface in your dreams. And they will. It will also surface when you are awake. But you're doing things where you're not overly focused. It's where your subconscious can kind of come in and start driving the boat. All right? The next thing you want to do after you've identified your shadow self is you want to embrace that part of you. So instead of fighting against it, trying to repress it all the time, realize what is there. It is an unmet need. And once you can acknowledge it, then you can control it so much more effectively. Right? Because you can choose how to maybe meet that need better. You can then explore what's going on inside of all that. And ultimately you want to bring forward that part of yourself and let it sort of show, even if it's not perfect all the time. By doing so, you gain control over yourself. And that's how you can become your best version of you, sort of self actualized. How many of you remember that term? It's like, it's from Maslow's hierarchy of needs, this idea of like overcoming those primitive. And the more you can meet your needs, the better, the better, more actualized person that you can become. The thing to know about the shadow side of ourselves is that there's a lot of creativity. When you think about children, they have all this creative energy and they're not held back by insecurities and rules. And it just comes out quite naturally. And as we suppress those urges that we feel like are those taboo or forbidden things that we shouldn't do, we are also suppressing our creativity and some of those other parts of ourselves that are very positive. So that's another reason for you to sort of get control and allow that to come forward. And then you can direct it in a certain way. Like if you're suppressing aggressive energy you can decide, you know, is there a way you let that aggressive energy come true through maybe you're get into boxing or some kind of physical outlet where you can direct that. That is the best policy for how to deal with it. Now if you look at these sort of philosophical thinkings, if you look at addiction through that lens then they that lens would sort of say or that kind of philosophical look would say addiction is that it's your shadow side leaking out, right? It's the way that you are allowing some suppressed part of yourself to come out and take over. And the thing about addiction is it really does sort of unleash that right? You get into all those that's why it has such a bad reputation because people when they're in active addiction do all of those forbidden things in that society sees as so bad. And so when you're taking substances or you're addicted to something it really kind of unleashes the shadow side and it truly does take over and.