What To Do If You're Drinking Too Much Alcohol (2020)

You know, today we are going to talk about a very important topic. This is a topic that is almost always a question, a concern, an issue that comes up with almost any new client that I see. And that question is, can I just cut back what I'm using, particularly in this video? We're going to talk about cut back your drinking versus stop altogether. But everything that I say in this video, even though we're going to talk about alcohol, really can be applied to any sort of addiction that you might be struggling with or trying to overcome. And it's almost always a question. It's like, can I cut it back? Do I have to completely let go of this? Because of course, you know, it's hard to really imagine that you have to completely, like, never drink alcohol again or never partake in whatever substance or addiction it is. And it's. It's a lot to wrap your head around for sure. So I'm going to break down for you sort of the pros and cons on both sides of this issue. And I'm just going to talk to you and tell you exactly what I tell the clients that come to me that sitting here have this conversation several times a week. I'm going to go through it with you just like I would with my client. So if you're new here, welcome to Put the Shovel Down. I'm Amber Hollingsworth. This channel is dedicated to helping you understand the science and psychology of addiction. I've been treating people and families with addictions since 2004. I've been doing it for a long, long time. And I'm using all that expert knowledge, that insider information, to really give you the scientific psychological breakdown. On this channel, we are all about dealing with what works. We don't spend a lot of time talking about what's fair, what should be, what ought to be. We talk about what works. So that absolutely applies to this conversation, which is, should I cut back or should I stop altogether? Now, like I said earlier, it is very natural for people to want to cut back because obviously, if they're. If you're overusing a substance, you like it, right? And you want to keep it in your life, and you don't want to let it go totally. And so most people, their first step is to try to cut it back. I mean, that's pretty obvious most of the time. By the time people have got to me, they're in treatment with me, they've tried a lot of things, and they've cut it back. And to be honest, most people have had decent amount of success with cutting their drinking back. In fact, a lot of people who come to treatment have been able to stop for long periods of time before they've been able to keep it reined into moderate drinking for periods of time. But the way I like to explain it to my clients, who a lot of the ones that I see here aren't maybe what I would call, like, fully alcohol dependent, meaning they have to drink every single day or they get sick. Some of them are, but not all of them. The clients that I see here, a lot of them, I call them sort of that functional alcoholic type state, which is more like once they start drinking, they have a hard time containing it. So if they open that gate, it's really hard to get it closed back. And so it looks more binge drinking, if you will. Hey, flapjack. It's natural. Because they're like, well, I'm not alcoholic. I don't drink every day. You know, I just. Sometimes I let it get a little too out of hand, and I want to learn how to not get out of hand. Well, here's how I would help you understand that issue. Most everyone that I see really can rein it back to some degree. However, most everyone that I see cannot do that consistently. So I usually talk to people who are wondering, you know, do I have alcohol problem? Do I not? I talk to them about the fact of it's not, you know, do you drink every day? It's not what you drink. It's not like, do I drink in the morning? I know people are like, well, alcoholics drink in the morning. Well, yeah, some of them do. Hey, Brandon, glad to have you in our community today. So, you know, it's not necessarily that question. It's like, can I control it? Is it causing problems? And even though most of the people that we see here can control it, maybe even most of the time, as far as, like, nothing bad really happens, it's kind of like Russian roulette, honestly. It's like, eventually that dam is going to break, and you don't know when. So the question isn't, can you control it? Can you cut it back? It's can you control it and cut it back consistently? And the reason why people have those, like, breakthrough moments where they're trying to keep it contained in it, you know, the dam breaks and they drink more than they wanted to or they used or did whatever it is, more than they wanted to, is because eventually you run out of willpower. You know, willpower works just like any other kind of energy in your body. And you run out sometimes. And if you're drinking or using and one of those days where your willpower, I call it like your willpower, gas tank is really low and you run out of gas, then the dam is going to break. And when that happens, you don't know what's going to happen. You don't know what the outcome is going to be. And for a lot of people, bad things happen. You know, they get DUIs, they embarrass themselves, they drunk call their ex, they get on Facebook and make a bunch of comments or say some things that they wish they wouldn't have. You know, all of these things that you just really regret and wish you could take back. So let's explore the idea of cutting it back. Okay, so the first thing is, can you do it? And I've already answered that for you. If you're not drinking every day and like drinking in the morning, you probably can cut it back. But you probably are always going to have these little slip throughs. Okay? So that's the first answer to that question. The second answer to that question is this. Now let's take off the table. Let's pretend like you can control that and you're not going to have the slip throughs. Let's look at it from a slightly different perspective here. Most of you, I say they want to, like, they say I want to be able to drink socially, okay? So in my mind, I'm assuming what they mean is like at like functions, weddings, reunions, you know, celebrations, holidays, that kind of thing, they want to be able to drink or they want to be able to have a couple of beers or a couple of glasses of wine with dinner or something like that. They want to be able to drink in this, like, maybe manageable kind of way. And when most people think about that, they'll say, oh, I just want to be able to have a couple. Well, my guess is they really mean more than a couple. It's just easy to say a couple. So let's say they really, even though they say a couple, let's say they really mean four. Okay? Just because I almost always do that little math. Multiplication table there. So let's say they really want to be able to just have three or four drinks of whatever it is. One question I ask my clients is, what's that gonna do for you? What's your tolerance level? Like, what does it take to even get you even a little bit of a buzz? Is that really even gonna be fun? Is it gonna be helpful or is it just gonna get you sort of riled up, kind of like the whole, like eating one potato chip thing. You just get the taste in your mouth. And so that's one question I really encourage you to ask is if you really and truly think about drinking manageably or drinking socially, let's say you can do it. Think about it. In reality, do you really want to do it? Is it really fun? Because a lot of people I see don't even drink socially now, because even though they're drinking problematically, because they know that they drink differently other people, and those other people, to see them drink, or the ones that do drink socially, there's like part of the picture that they let other people see. So they let other people see that they're drinking. But there's other drinking that's going on behind the scenes that you're not letting everyone see. And so drinking socially and keeping drinking under control takes a lot of energy and focus and willpower. And if your tolerance is already really high, it probably doesn't give you a lot of effect. And so a lot of clients end up figuring out it's not even worth it. Like, drinking like that, drinking like a normal person. I don't even like to drink like that. And so some people decide that they want to let go of it. Just a reason. Let's look at another reason. And another sort of line of thinking about, well, I want to be able to drink. And the thing is, here's what I tell people. And this. I know this is gonna, like, probably bother you, but you probably really don't. The taste. Think about the first time you've tasted alcohol. It didn't taste good. You probably had like. Like when you were a kid or something. You're like, oh. But eventually you drink it long enough, your brain gets used to the. Your brain gets used to the feeling. And so it starts to pair the taste and the feeling. And then it's like, I like the taste, but really I like the feeling. So, like, for example, when I was pregnant with my son, I. I drank a lot of Diet Pepsi. Wait, can you see it? And when I was bringing my son, I thought I was gonna not drink all that caffeine because I may have did that. And so at first I tried to just drink, like, caffeine free. Now I know caffeine probably doesn't even have a taste, but it's just not the same. Like, it doesn't taste the same, it doesn't do the same. It's like, you would think just drink the caffeine brew because you Just like the way it tastes. But it didn't work for me. It was like, no, I had to have the real thing or not. Oh, because the caffeine, it just, it's like, it's like your brain wants to be like it is the same, it tastes the same, but when it doesn't give you that same effect, you don't like it the same. So some of my clients find that that's an issue for them. Now. A lot of people want to drink non alcoholic beer. That's the thing that comes up and I've had mixed reviews on that. As far as like what people tell me as far as you know, is it helpful or is it not? In some ways it's a trigger because it looks like beer, smells like beer, feels like it in your hand, you know, sounds like it. When you open it up, it's really hitting all of your senses. And the more senses that you hit that are a reminder of the substance, the more triggered you can become. So it's definitely high risk because it basically makes your brain think that you're going to get the, the alcohol. And when the alcohol doesn't come, that can cause craving. So that's one way to look at drinking non alcoholic beer. The other way to look at it is a lot of people really do. It makes them feel better just to be able to sort of walk around the event or the ball game, football game or whatever it is and just have that in their hand. It just helps them feel like a regular, like their regular self and like a part of the crowd. So I'm not really anti doing that at all. I just want you to know the risk, the pros and cons of doing that. So this idea of cutting back tell you that in the end about 98% of the people, and I'm making that number up. I haven't really ran a study, but that's pretty close. Guesstimate of the people that come see me end up deciding that doesn't work for them for any of those reasons that we just said either because they can do it, but they can't do it consistently. And when it falls apart, things get really bad. Or because they don't even like to drink just a little. I mean, why do that? Just like makes you more thirsty, right? Makes you crave. And then lastly, if they're drinking for the taste, they may find that again that drinking that in that just one or two level, it's not the way that they want to drink. And a lot of the reason why that is Is because as you've used a substance over a period of time, your brain adjusts to that substance. So this gets into, like, complicated brain neurobiology stuff. But basically, it's like your brain builds more receptor sites for that substance. So the more and the longer you use, the more and longer you need. And it's almost like muscle memory. As soon as you put the drink in your body, it activates all of those receptive sites. That's why your tolerance goes so far up. And as long as you keep drinking more and more, your brain makes more and more of these receptor sites. And just like you never forget how to learn a bike, you never forget how to learn how to ride a bike, you never forget how to swim. Your brain immediately thinks if you put alcohol in that you're going to put the regular amount of alcohol in. And so it activates all of those, I call them, like, monster mouths in your brain, all those little receptor sites and your tolerance, and it makes you just want more. So that's really the question is, is it worth it? It. How much energy and time do you have to put in it? I have a client I've been working with recently, and he was talking about, like, he does this thing where he, like, goes to the event, and he's like, it's gonna be four hours. He does, like, this alcohol math, right? So he's like, calculating how much he can have and how long he needs to wait in between. And he's going to this event and he's gonna put this many in the cooler and not more. And I'm like, dude, that's a lot of energy. How much of your mental energy are you using at the event, the holiday, the beach, the wedding, whatever it is? Are you, like, counting drinks? Count how many drinks you've had? Counting how many drinks other people have had. You're literally doing, like, crazy body chemistry formulas or something to figure out alcohol levels. I'm like, that's just a lot of energy. And is it really fun and does it really do anything to have one or two? Those are the questions that you should ask yourself. And I'm not saying that everyone has to quit. Totally. I think that this is a personal question. I think everyone has to figure this out for themselves. I'm just telling you, like, this is what most. This is the conclusion that most of the people that I see end up coming to on their own. You know, trial and error, figuring out what works for them. Because once you decide, you just. You don't drink. And it's just Not a thing for you anymore. You don't do this. Should I, shouldn't I? How much should I have? How many are other people drinking? How many of my wife see me have. You can sort of let go of all that and it makes it actually a lot easier because that trying to manage it thing, that's rough, that wears you out and eventually you run out of energy and that's when the dam breaks. I'd love to know from you guys, what's your experience with doing this? Have you tried to cut it back? What's been helpful? What hasn't? How's that work for you? See, Brandon says I am an addict, not an alcoholic. Same thing, though. Brandon, you can literally erase the word alcohol and fill in the brain, fill in the blank with whatever your word is. This is the same process with pretty much any of the addictions. LW says my bf, I'm guessing that's boyfriend or best friend, told me at one point that his therapist told him he could try to drinking in moderation. I did not believe that she told him that at the time because it was insane to me that she would say that after he had. I'm guessing there's more to that. I have told plenty of clients not that, Yeah, I think that that's what they should do and that that's going to work. But I do talk to my clients about, I'll say, you know, this is what a lot of my clients find, but you got to figure that out. And as a counselor, you know that to go through that stage. And if, if it's a counselor, I just come in there and I say, you can't do that. That's not going to work. All I did was disrupt my relationship with this person. And they're either not going to come back and see me or they're going to come back and see me, but they're not going to tell me the truth. And so then I haven't done any good with my client. So I know that seems weird and it's not a lot of times I'll tell a client that when I know, like sometimes I know for sure that's not going to work. But you have to let people figure that out for themselves. And if you give people the space and the room to figure that out, they will do it faster. Actually, if I try to tell them not to, then it actually prolongs it because then they start sneaking and it just drags it out longer, honestly. Let's see. Hollow street says thank you for wonderful videos. I recently Became part of a relationship with someone who's battling addiction. He was clean when I met him, but relapsed shortly after. Oh, that's rough. Because when you met that person, you met the clean version and now you got the addiction addictive version. And you probably feel like, I don't even know this person because it's two separate people. Right. It's like the person in recovery is very, very different than the person when they're in activation. It literally is like completely different people. LW says been through bad DTS and ended up in the icu. Now, maybe I think she did say this would make him feel like he had some control and could find himself. That it didn't work. Yeah, yeah. Unfortunately, it's just not something that even as an addiction counselor we can make people like, not do. And I don't even try to make people not do. I I say, what do you think is reasonable amount? I'll have them tell me. They might tell me, I think I just want to drink three pints a day. I said, I think that's good. Let's write that down. Because if they're really, truly alcoholic, three, they won't stay at three pints a day. So I'm like, you just tell me whatever it is your mouth, what do you think is reasonable? You want to drink on certain days, on certain occasions, you want to drink a certain amount. You want to drink beer, not liquor, whatever these things are that people have to try. You really do need to let people go through it, even if you feel like it's not going to work, because it helps them to figure out what's going to work for them and what's not. Thank you everyone who joined us. This is a very important topic and if you're watching us on the replay, feel free to share with us some about your experience in the comments. And I am going to link up here for you my playlist, actual real life diagnostic criteria for alcohol use disorder and give you a system for how you can rate how severe that is. It might be another thing that helps you figure out, can I control it, can I cut it back? Or do I have to stop completely? Okay, see you next time.