Near Death Experience, with Ray Catania

On this episode of the Near Wilkins podcast, I'm joined by Ray Catania. Now, Ray is a teacher of metaphysics, he's a coach, he's a counselor. And really interestingly, I think for you guys listening and watching this is. He is the award winning author of the Awakening series. Now this is something special. And I know when we do a deep dive into this, you're going to be really fascinated by Ray's work. His work explores life, death and consciousness, but from the perspectives of science and spirituality. So rather than maybe the way that you think about consciousness, Ray goes to different places. And so this is going to be a really fascinating conversation. So welcome to the episode, Ray.

Thank you so much, Neil. Thank you for having me. It's an honor and a privilege for me to be here with you today. Thank you.

Well, likewise. And I think it was a really kind of serendipitous, if there is such a word, connection that we had because I guess we both found each other pretty much in the same moment on X, formerly Twitter. I was kind of searching for a whole range of different topics and I think you were kind of looking for, I don't know what you were looking for at the moment, but we kind of just literally connected and followed almost simultaneously this kind of episode, this conversation felt like it was just meant to be. And we've been, you know, hatching this plan to talk and record and sort of see where we go with this for quite some while, haven't we?

Yeah. Oh yeah, absolutely. I feel the same way. It was very spontaneous the way we met online and, and then trying to put this together for some time, unfortunately due to the time differences. But I'm so glad we're here and I'm happy to be here with you and I'm grateful.

Sometimes you just have to trust that it is going to happen.

Indeed. Yeah.

The administration of this has been a challenge, we say, just because we're so far apart geographically. But I'm thinking, and I'm feeling actually so close in terms mindset and, and kind of thinking and philosophies, but I want to kind of explore that bit. Ray, for people who are not aware of, of you yet or really conscious of the the Awakening series, do you want to give a little bit of a background kind of story as to, you know, your kind of roots and, and where you find yourself?

Absolutely. With the Awakening series is a two book series and the way it began. The first book is called the Atheist and the Afterlife. And the reason I'm giving you the title is to kind of give you an idea of who or what I was in the past. And I think if you kind of understand where I came from, you'll get a better understanding of where I'm at today. And it was in. It was during the writing of that book where I started with my childhood. And. And. And, you know, it wasn't a pleasant childhood, particularly a lot of drama and trauma and fighting and. You get the idea. So as a small kid, you know, five, six, seven, eight years of age, to avoid what was happening in the household, I would try to isolate myself, try to hide more or less in a closet, under a bed, in the basement, out in the yard, whatever I could do to not be involved in what was happening, spare myself from that and try to not hear it, you know, because again, I'm a small kid and I'm. And I'm scared and I can't do anything about the situations. So I would more or less go into like, a meditative state. Now, I don't know that. That at the time. Of course, I'm very young, but I'm trying to exit the situation that I'm in to the best of my ability. And eventually later in life I will realize that that actually is a technique that we can all do. We can remove ourselves from a traumatic situation. You know, the body and the mind are separable. And it's a protection mechanism that kicks into many folks when they're in a situation where they're very close to dying or death or that they will actually leave their bodies before it occurs as to not experience it right. And even if one doesn't die, they'll return. But you'll. You'll. It's almost like. So you don't feel the pain when the pain is. Is coming. And so more or less, what I was trying to do was escape. And being alone for hours and hours on end. I would be staring at a wall or something. There was no phones. We. I didn't have a TV with me. You know, we had TV with rabbit ears back then. It wasn't even cable yet, so there were no computers or anything. So it's just me and a wall. And. And you stare at a wall for as many hours as I have day after day after day. Eventually what you'll see is that there's more to the wall than meets the eye. The wall is made of energy. And you can start to see the little lines that are in the wall. And you can start seeing that in other things as well. I saw it in grass, and I Saw it in trees and I saw it in, you know, inanimate objects. And as a kid, I didn't really think anything of this. I didn't think it was strange or weird or anything like that. But. But I started to form a bond with energy and I started to understand it. And it was now coming. Coming from a place of chaos. In my childhood, I. Chaos was my comfort zone. I call it. Okay, because what we are as children is what we become as young adults. We, we take that with us. We're almost like we're programmed like a computer is program. So my programming consisted of anger and violence and pain and trauma. So as a teen and into my 20s, if the situation I was in didn't have any of those elements, I would bring them because it was uncomfortable for me to actually have normalcy. And this happens to many people who are subject to this because we think it's normal. I can navigate chaos, chaos, chaos. I, I was good at it. But give me a regular situation where things are supposed to be calm and normal and I don't have any much experience with that. So I would put myself into dangerous situations as a young person. And in my 20s, especially, you know, as teens into 20s, I would, you know, be in some really bad situations. I worked for some shady characters. So I can remember on occasion there were shootouts in the place where I worked. And one in particular, I. I hid behind the bar and I was just trying to figure out how am I going to get out of this place? And I got this overwhelming feeling that there was a being that was telling me how to get out of the situation. And what he said, or she was side door, side door. Now, I don't hear this with my ears. I don't see this with my eyes. It's just information, like a download, if you will, right? And it says side door. So I. I know there's a side door right there, but in order for me to get there, I've got to come out of hiding and the shooter is going to see me. So I don't really know if I'm going to make it there. It really didn't sound like a good idea to me, but I kept getting this again and again. So I went with it and I ran for the door and I pushed the door open. I got out of that door and then I had to make a left and go down this very long corridor to the next door, which was a fire exit that would get me out to the parking lot. And I did, I made it, obviously, and I Got out that second door. And don't. You know, this is ironic. I parked my car right outside that door, and I never, ever, ever parked there. I actually had an assigned parking space on the other side of the building that I didn't use that day for whatever reason. I don't know why, but I. It was right there, and I was able to get out of the situation. And I had a lot of these. Because not all shootouts, but I mean, a lot of these situations where I probably should be dead and I'm not. And it's because I've had this presence that has guided me in some of the worst situations anyone can have. There was one when I was very young. I was about 10 years old, my parents took me to the beach, and they were up on shore, and I went into the ocean. I was. I was a decent swimmer, so I really enjoyed it. And I went out and I swam not really that far, but the undertow became very, very strong. And it pulled me out and pulled me out. And before I knew it, I was pretty far. And I was trying to swim back to shore. And what happens with the undertow? It's almost like you're swimming in place because you can't get forward. It's pushing you back as you're going forward. And the lifeguard, I kept trying to get his attention. I was waving, and I was trying to get my father's attention who was on shore. And. And they. They were concerned with a group of kids that were on the other side. There really were no kids where I was. It was just me. But then there was 10 kids on the. On the other side. So that's where the focus was, not on me. Now I'm starting to go under and I'm. And of course I start to panic. I'm young, I'm scared, and I'm panicking. And that's the worst thing that can happen, right? So in this moment, here's this presence, this being, and who tells me, calm down, swim sideways, and take all the time you need. So I'll never forget that. Calm down, swim sideways, and take all the time you need. So that's what I did. I began to swim on an angle until I got to shore. Now, I know today that that's what you're supposed to do in an undertow situation. When you can't get out, you go sideways. I didn't know that at 10 years old. I had no idea. And the panic was gone. It was almost as if this feeling of calmness just took over every inch of my body. It was a feeling of warmth and it was a feeling of comfort and in the worst possible moment. So how did that not transpired? Had that not been given to me, I wouldn't be here. I definitely know that for a fact. So this being has always seemed to be there when I needed him to be there. But I don't acknowledge him because I'm raised in a Christian home. And I, like I said, I was very unhappy with my, my home. So anything that my parents believed in, I would go the opposite direction. Right. I was very rebellious for that reason. So I chose to be an atheist. Plus I really found it hard to believe that there is this loving God that would allow these things to occur. What did I do to be in this situation? All those types of questions that just didn't really make sense to me. And this is why I gravitated, believing in nothing. And the more I thought about it, the more it resonated with me. Atheism. So I went through these years being an atheist, even though these things are happening. And then it was, I was 20 years old when I had my actual NDE, which, you know, I find it ironic that they called the. The one time that I really did die is called a near death experience. And the times I survived. I doesn't have a name, but I guess we'll call those brushes with death. But my actual NDE was about the age of 20. I was living at home with my parents. My bedroom is on the second floor and it's directly above the kitchen at that time and my bed was right above the stove. What happened was all night long that stove was leaking natural gas, which is what it ran on. And, but nobody knew there was, There was no other than the smell. But everyone was asleep, so I wasn't smelling anything when I'm asleep. And it was rising and rising and I was breathing it in for I don't know how many hours. And so my mother gets up in the morning and she goes to turn on the stove and there's this big blast of flames and it catches the wall on fire behind the stove and. And it's smoke, a lot of smoke. But the smoke and the fire was, the fire was put out almost immediately by my father. Wasn't that big that it couldn't be put out. And it was neither of those things that took my life. It was the gas, because the gas continued all night long. So I hear the fire trucks come to the house, I hear the police cars and I hear all this commotion downstairs. And it wakes me up, of course, and I try to get out of bed. And this is the first moment where I know something is very, very wrong because I can't move my legs. They feel like they're a thousand pounds and I just cannot get them to move. My head, I could not get it off the pillow. I mean, it took every ounce of strength to get my head up off the pillow. And I could not yell, I couldn't scream for help. And I kept passing out, so there would be the noise, it would wake me up again. And I was trying to pull myself to the edge of the bed to get out of the bed. Just using my arms, that would work. And, you know, I would inch, inch, inch, and I pass out. Then I wake up, go a couple more inches. So finally I get to the edge and I tumble out of the bed. And I land face first, face first on the ground. And they hear the thump. And that's when everybody's like, oh, my God, Ray's upstairs. Right? So. But here's the thing. Here's the most amazing. This was not the most amazing thing, but to me it was very, very unusual. I hit the floor and I knew I hit it, and I kind of felt it, but there was no pain at all. And the reason was, is because in that moment, I was no longer in the body, not that body. I was above it. And I was looking down upon it. And I was looking down upon my lifeless body. And it didn't scare me, and I don't know why, but I was not scared at all. And the room I was in, the corner of the room, it says it was a square room. It was like a perfect square almost. And I'm in the. I'm in the corner and I'm looking down at myself. And in the adjacent corner is a huge white light that shined upon my energy. Not my dead body, but my energy that was floating above the body. And this light brought euphoria, painlessness, love, compassion, peace, every possible positive emotion that you can think of all rolled up into one. It was extremely euphoric and it was beautiful. It was amazing. And I wanted to stay in the light. I was one with that light. And I start to go farther into it because here's the being at the end of the light saying, ray, it's okay. You can come into the light. And I. And I. And I trusted and I did, and I began to go in. Now, as you get farther in, the euphoria increases and increases. It gets better. So it feels. Bet if that's Possible. It feels even better. And it's in this moment that my father comes bursting through the bedroom door, kicks the door, and finds me on my dead body on the ground. Scoops me up, and he's screaming for the paramedics. He's. He's distraught, and he's crying, and he's holding on to me, and he's rocking me back and forth, and he's screaming for the paramedics. And I'm watching this. I can. I can tell you that my father has probably, you know, that I can recall, hugged me maybe five times, and one of them is when I'm dead. That was missing for me in life. I wanted to have a better relationship with him. I didn't really feel loved by him. And when I witnessed this, it made me feel loved. And so I wanted to go back. And I asked if I could, and I. And I. It was almost like a negotiation, kind of. I was like, I can't leave him like that. I made it about him. But it was me. I wanted to go back. I wanted that love. And I wake up. I'm no longer in that room. I woke up. I was on the living room floor, not in my father's arms anymore. The paramedics were working on me, and they had all their equipment, and they're yelling at each other, bring up the truck. Bring up the truck. That means the ambulance. I found that later. We have to get this guy in. And I'm like, guys, guys, whoa. Wait a second. What's happening here? You know, I feel great. I feel amazing. I mean, this is probably the best I've ever felt my entire life. And they're like, you know, son, you're far from okay, and we're. We're gonna bring you to the hospital. And I was like, I really. I don't. I don't think I need that. I feel. Did you. Did. Did you hear the voice? Did you see the light? And now these guys are looking at each other like, okay, you know, this guy's out of his mind. And I just shut up because I don't want to wind up in the wrong hospital, right? So I just kind of keep my mouth shut. And so they bring me to the hospital. And it. Later, you know, when you come. When you come back to your body, you feel great in the beginning, but actually, when the pain kicks in, it's like a bomb goes off inside your body, because every little thing that you feel physically right now is amplified because you were. You were energy. You were out of the body. So you didn't feel any of the little aches and pains that you have, but when you come back in, you feel them all. And it could be that little, you know, pinky that you broke five years ago that didn't really heal properly, that just maybe bothers you a little bit. Now that's amplified by 10. So all of a sudden, everything hurts. And needless to say, I don't even think my father came to the hospital. I think my mother was there. So I never got that love that I was looking for anyway, so in this moment, I just wanted to go back to the light. I messed up. I wanted to do over so bad. I don't know what the hell I came back here for. And after the nde, I chose to go back to atheism. Even though what I saw, even though what I heard, what I felt, I justified it away. It was easier to do that. So here's what I did. I figured the white light, I probably fell in front of a window. I know I fell in front of a window, and it was probably a sunny day, and the white light was the sun shining on me. And that gave me that warmth feeling as well. And I inhaled so much gas, I was probably hallucinating. And I made everything else up in my mind, and that's the way I justified it. And I put it away. It was not a rel. It was not going to be a religious or spiritual experience for me. I would not accept that. But now, being a young person who can see energy and being a young person who crossed over to the other side and came back, these energy beings came with me like that. I'm a direct portal now. I'm a conduit for them to this world. And I don't understand this at all. I moved out of my house, and I got my first apartment, and I was psyched. I was like, this is going to be great. We're gonna have parties, we're gonna have chicks. It's gonna be awesome. Blah, blah, blah. None of that ever happened. None of that happened because every time I would go into this apartment, it was full filled with people. There was no one there, but it was filled with energies that felt like people. So it was kind of like I was in a nightclub, and I'm trying to wiggle my way through my own living room when there's nothing there. And these energies would push up against me, and I would feel them, and I would see the lines going across the white paint, because I never painted, so it was white. You could see dark lines Just flying around and I could feel the presence and I could feel their energy. I could, their emotions would start to like rub affect me. Like I would be this feels sad and then I would go to this and that. I just thought I was completely insane, Neil. I thought I was totally insane. And needless to say, I could not sleep. The they. They kept me awake because I don't know that that was their intention. In fact, I later learned that's not their intention at all. But I could not sleep. So I turned to huge amounts of alcohol and drugs to get to go to sleep. I became a regular habitual alcoholic, full on and drug user for about, I don't know how many years, maybe about almost 10 or 15. No, I don't know. I think it was about till I was 30 and I had kids. But we'll get to that in a moment. So I leave that apartment and I go to the next apartment and I'm hoping that, you know, I'm going to get a clean slate, you know, maybe the house was. People were coming in the house and doing things. And again, I'm trying to justify this and make sense of it, you know. And so I move into the new place and what happens is the same thing. So now I realize it's not the places, it's me. It doesn't matter where I go. This is coming with me. And that's very depressing. I think I'm losing my mind. I'm trying to navigate, you know, being a young person having these things happen. I tried to tell my mom about the nde. She told me I was nuts, I was crazy. She denied that it ever happened. I mean, I've made my peace with my mother. I love her. But it wasn't until the book was published that she finally called me up and said, I'm sorry, you must hate me. And I said, no, I don't hate you. And she not only told me I died once, but I actually died four times. They had to resuscitate me four times. And we actually had a bonding moment over that. We became pretty close. It wasn't now at that time she was 80, 82 years old. But I'm grateful for that moment. And now I. I'm trying to move on with my life. And I'm not afraid of death at all because I'm just in the back of my mind I know what happens. You go into this light and it's pretty awesome. So I don't fear death. And I put, I try to up the ante, up the Ante with how close can I get to death? In fact, there was one time I was working a job that I really hated and I didn't want to go to the job anymore. And I had come across one of my friends and he told he was spending money like it was water. And I was like, where did you get all this money from? And he said, well, I had a car accident and I sued the people and I got a boatload of money. And I was like, wow. And I said, what happened to you? And he goes, well, I was injured. I have some permanent injuries, but it's not debilitating. And I was like, that's incredible. I want that. So I tried to manufacture in my mind an automobile accident where I could get hurt just enough to get a bunch of money but not be, you know, overly injured. Right? Like I could still function. And I thought about this every day, every day as I had to drive to this job. I don't want to go here, I don't want to go here. I want, I want this. And I literally manifested this car accident because it did happen. I was driving to work on a three lane highway and I was in the middle lane and the car that was in the right lane decides to cut into my lane. Not looking to see if there was anybody there. I was there, but he doesn't hit me. He goes back into his, into his lane. And that's not the car I have the accident with. And I'm gonna tell you why. But to understand my mentality, I was so angry that he did that that I had to pull up alongside of him and yell at him and tell him everything that I thought about him. This is where I got myself into trouble. Because what I didn't do was look right in front of me to notice that the traffic came to a dead halt. And I drove right into the car in front of me. And we were probably, it's a 55 mile an hour speed zone and I was probably doing 10 miles over that. So I hit this car at 55 or 65 miles per hour and my car spun, was spinning and more cars were hitting me and I would spin and more cars were hitting me. And I just make it stop, make it stop, make it stop. And my being friend said, get under the dashboard. And that's what I did. We didn't have to wear seatbelts back then. It wasn't a law. And I, and I got under the dashboard and I put my arms over my head to protect my head. And had I not done that I definitely would not have lived. And when all was said and done, my car was up on the divider sideways or on an angle and the car was basically crushed around me and I was faced the wrong way on, on the highway. I don't know this yet until I see the police report the next day because I'm out of it. And I just remember the police officer who was a lady and she said something like, is he with us? And I knew that meant is he dead? And I, and I, I could, I couldn't move much of anything because I'm trapped. But I tried to like move my finger so. Because I didn't want them to like, you know, say okay, this guy's dead. And I. Silly. But you know, I just wanted them to know I was alive, you know, so, so sure enough, you know, I, I was significantly injured. And by the way, um, there's. You can't do this anymore. So let me express that you, you can't sue and get a lot of money unless you are really damaged in a car accident. This is the 1980s, borderline 90s when these things were happening. They've cracked down on this sort of thing. And I did sue and I got money, but it was not worth it and I was injured and there's no way I would do it again. But the point of it is I manifested that you can manifest bad things, you can manifest good things. And looking back on that now, that was something I brought about in my life. So now I am getting a little bit older, a few years goes by and I get married and I have a couple of kids now. This changes my everything. Not the marriage, but the kids. I had two sons who were now dependent upon me staying alive for their well being. I now had a reason for living. I never had that before. So the second book is actually dedicated to them because they gave me more then they know. And it wasn't until that book was published and they were in their twenties that I actually told them this because I. Who wants to admit that, you know, that's the person they were. So I checked, I checked myself into rehab. I, I drove to rehab and I gave them my keys and I said, do not let me out until I'm. Well, I don't know who does that. But I did that. And so I got clean and sober. I have been ever since. And then I went back to college and I finished my degree in business and I got a job, a good job in New York City and I was doing very well and I worked my way up the ladder. And then after that I came back to Jersey, I had another great job, worked my way up. Now I'm in my 40s, I'm at the top of my game. I have a great job, kids are doing very well. I tried to give them everything that I didn't have, maybe too much. But the marriage fell apart in the third year. There was no hope for the marriage. So many, many years goes by and like I said, I'm at the top of my career and I have now this very silent relationship with the energies. They're not gone, but they kind of know I can't help them and I don't know what to do with them. And I just think that they're not real anyway, but I, they are very real and they're always kind of in my proximity. But since I can't do anything for them and they know that they don't bother me anymore and that, that was, it was kind of like a ceasefire. And that went on for a very long time until I decide to date again. And you know, I was very nervous. I'm in my late 40s, mid to late 40s. And you go online, that's how you meet somebody nowadays, right? So I was going through the different websites that you could choose from, trying to decide which one would be the right one, you know, very. Had a lot of self doubt in myself. Like I, I remember asking my friend, well, how marketable am I? I'm a single guy, I'm raising two kids, blah, blah, blah. And he's like, are you crazy? What is wrong with you? Get, you know, get out there, give me a little pep talk that you need. And I did it. I, I looked at one of the sites, I came across it and they give you a couple of examples of ladies in your area to entice you to, to, to, to get you to join the site. And there was one picture that I'll never forget. And as soon as I saw her, I knew that was my wife. And I joined that site to send her one email, to send one email only. And I told her this. I explained what happened. I went to the site, I saw your picture. My name is Ray, you are my wife. You just don't know it yet and call me back. It was a little more funnier than that. And, and I actually took the, the real email is in the book. And, and her response is in the book as well, which is really funny. So anyway, she did get back to me and she's like, you're crazy, you sound crazy. And I said, yeah, I am, I definitely am that. She says, why don't we get together? And we did, and we're married and we've been married ever since and we have an incredible relationship. But here's the thing. In the beginning, the early days when you, I guess when you start to get serious with somebody, you ask them. And she asked me, what are your spiritual, you know, views? Do you want to kind of. She had two young kids that we'd be raising together and I have my two older ones. So I guess she wanted to be on the same page and that's understandable. So when she asked me, she says, what? You know, what are your beliefs? And I was like, I don't know, you know, what are yours? And whatever she said, I was just gonna agree and say, yeah, yeah, me too, me too. But she didn't answer me. She didn't answer me. She said, well, why don't you give it some thought? And I said, honestly, I've been meaning to give it some thought and it really was on my to do list, but work and kids and other things always came first. So she, she, a couple of months later, it's my birthday, it's going to be my birthday. And she says, for your birthday, I'm going to buy you a spiritual clearing. And I was like, okay, that's terrific. I have no idea what that is. I said, is it like a massage? And she's like, no, not at all like a massage. She's like, in fact, you're not even going to be there. You're going to be wherever you are. It's distance. She's going to call you and let you know that it's about to begin. And I was like, great, will we have cake? You know, I wanted something out, you know, I don't understand what this is. I have no idea. So it transpires, she calls me up on the phone. The woman calls me on the phone, it was 10 o' clock and she says, I'm about to begin, I'll be done before noon and I'll call you back when I'm finished. She goes, don't take out any appointments and don't make, certainly don't make any life changing decisions in the next three days. And I, she says, you might feel a little strange for a little bit. And I was like, okay. I was very polite, but I was like, whatever. Okay, thank you very much for your time, I really appreciate it. And I hung up the phone. And two hours later she calls me back and she says, I've completed it. And, man, you had this and this and this and this. And I, you know, you're. You're aligned. It took a lot of work, you know, I just want to let you know. And I was like, oh, thank you so much. I really appreciate it. And again, I don't believe in anything. So I just thanked her for her time and looked forward to my cake. And about within 10 minutes, I go to get up to go to the bathroom, and I am wobbly. My equilibrium is off. And I'm just like, whoa. What, What? What was that? And I kind of just try to, like, shake it off and go to the bathroom and come back. And then it comes back again. And I start to feel like the energies are pushing up against me again like I had in my apartment years earlier. And that feeling was horrendous. And here it is again. And this is where. A defining moment. This is a defining moment. If. If. I know it should have been the nde, but this is what it was. This is the first time I see in my mind, in my consciousness, a person. Not an energy, the actual silhouette of a person, their face, their body. This man was a big guy. He had a beard and a mustache. He had jet black hair. And he says to me, I effed up. I made a mistake. You can help me. No, you can help her. I cannot. I effed up. I made a mistake. You can help her. I cannot. And I'm just stunned, you know, And I'm like, trying to shake it out of my head, like, what was that? And it comes again. And an hour later, it comes again. So finally, I have to get out of work. And I say, I've got a bad headache. I'm going home. This is a Friday, and I go home and I go to sleep. Saturday, I wake up and there he is again. And it's. Again, it's like I'm watching a movie screen. It's in my mind. On the screen is this man right here, almost front and center, which is significant. I don't know that yet, but right now it's. He's almost front and center. And he says it again, I effed up. I made a mistake. You can help her. I cannot. It starts to happen more and more frequently. It almost feels like it's every hour on the hour. On Sunday, it was like every 15 minutes. And I couldn't function anymore. I couldn't have a conversation with anyone. I. I could barely drive a car. I. I just was beyond overwhelmed by whatever this thing was. And it was like I was watching a video loop over and over and over, and it was just the same video loop. And he just would not leave me alone. And I'm in a store paying for my stuff, and I take out my credit card, and I don't know what I did exactly in that moment, but maybe I. I don't know, zoned out. Maybe I said something. Maybe I told the guy to get away from me. I don't know what I did. But the clerk says, sir, are you okay? And I said, no. No, I'm definitely not. I took my card back and I went to my car, and I sat there and I just thought, I'm losing my mind. This is it, you know? This is what I feared all my life that would might happen. I'm insane. I have to get my affairs in order. I have to make sure my will is done. I knew it was done. I gave it to my brother. I had a dnr. I'm not being resuscitated ever again. And. And I made sure he had everything. And I'm running down a checklist in my mind to prepare for my own death. And I drive home, and I'm, you know, just sad that it can't. It comes to this. And now I have to tell this woman that I finally fell in love with, that I found after all these years. And I have to tell her that. Basically insane. And if this isn't strange enough, the woman I'm dating is a doctor of psychology and neuropsychology by trade. That's what she does for a living. I'm gonna tell a doctor of psychology who I am in love with and I want to marry that I see people that aren't there. This is not gonna go well. But I figure I will lose her. But because she's in the field, she'll get me the help I need. She'll point me in the right direction. So I proceed to tell her what I see. And I said, it's like a movie screen. It opens and this guy comes forward and he says this. And he's got. He looks like this. And she says, sounds like my dad. And I said, your dad's dead. She's like, right. Exactly. I was like, what are you talking about? And she goes, I've been to. I've been to mediums. And I was like, what the hell's a medium? She goes, you're probably a medium, and you don't know it. And I was like, now I think she's crazy, and I'm get. I need to get Check, please. I gotta go. Right? You're the one that needs help. But, you know, I was just. I didn't. I. My heart just fell to my stomach. I don't. As she's explaining this to me, I've been to a medium. My father comes through. He's very, very powerful. He. They always say he's almost front and center. No one's forever front and center. You're not allowed to be front and center. You have to be on an angle and. But he's as close as you can get, which makes him this powerful presence. And I said to her, I said, well, wait a minute. Even if I just, like, go along with this for a moment, I saw the picture on the mantle in the living room in your living room of your dad. And it does not look like that man, okay? That guy. The guy I saw was very big and husky. Beard, mustache, thick black hair, you know. And she's like, hold on. That picture that you saw is very, very old. Let me show you what he looked like before he died. And she goes through the phone and she shows me. And I said, you know that guy? And she says, that's my dad, silly. And I nearly just had a heart attack. I was just like, now what? You know, this is. This is beyond anything that I can comprehend. So she says, relax, relax. I'm gonna take you to a medium. And I'm like, okay, what does that mean? She goes, well, there's this woman coming. Coming to our area, and I was going to book an appointment with her anyway, because I hear great things about her, and she's going to be staying in our area, and we can go make two appointments, and you could tell her what you see, and you guys can compare notes. And I said, okay, that sounds like a great idea. It's better than being institutionalized. So I go along with this, and I go and I meet this medium, and I walk in and I say, hi, I'm Ray. And she. She pauses and she's like, oh, you're that Ray. I was like, okay, yeah, have a seat. Tell me what's happening. What's up, Ray? And I said, I'm completely insane. She goes, what makes you think that? I see people that are not there and they talk to me. She goes, so do I. She goes, tell me how it happens. And I start to take her step by step. What happens? The vibrations that I feel first, the change in the room, the lines that shoot across. And then eventually a movie screen opens up in my mind. And as I'm saying this, she goes, stop. And I said, what? And she goes, that's exactly how I see it. She goes, in fact, that's exactly the way we all see it. And I was like, see what? And she goes, you know, the deceased, the energy of the deceased. Spirit, she calls him spirit. I. I said, energy. And I said, so I'm talking to dead people. She says, yeah, you have that ability. And she goes, by the way, that's pretty rare for a guy to have. And then I had two other ones in addition. I. I told her about premonition. She says, well, that's not mediumship. That's psychic. I hate that word. She goes, that's your intuitive. She said, psychic, but I like to use the term intuitive. And. And then I proceeded to tell her I had written notes, and I did not look any of this up because I didn't want to go in with any preconceived notions. I wanted the truth. I wanted to know what this is. So I just read her my experiences, and by the end, I just felt so relieved. She's like, yeah, this is this, this is this, and this is this, and this is what's happening. And then she goes on to tell me her story. Her parents put her away in a. In a mental institution because they thought she was schizophrenic. And I'm wondering now how many people get put away because they're thought to be schizophrenic and maybe they're not. So she takes me under her wing for the first year, and thank God she did that, because I desperately needed to understand, you know, what was happening. But more importantly, I needed to know how to shut it off and turn it on if I wanted it right? So she taught me how to do that. And she also taught me how to get in touch with my spirit guides, which I go on and on in the book. That's an, you know, a long story in and of itself. The power that they have, the guides. But she's teaching me pretty much everything that I need to know to navigate the situation. I have absolutely no intention of using this. I just need to understand it. In fact, I don't want it. But. And. And at one point, I remember asking her, can we turn it off forever? Because I can't take it anymore. I don't want this. I didn't ask for this. You know, I'm good. And she says, give it two weeks, and if you still want to do that, we'll explore that. And I don't know if there's really a way or not, but she made me feel comfortable. And I was willing to give it two more weeks. And of course, at the end of the two weeks, I didn't want to do that anymore. So she takes me through the first year of mediumship and then it's the following birthday. It's exactly a year later, it's my birthday again. And every time we come to my birthday, something monumental happens. And this time she says, why don't we go on vacation? And I said, great. She goes, where do you want to go? I said, I don't care where we go, but I need trees. And I don't know why. I know I need trees. And she's like, okay, so what do you have in mind? I said, I don't know, a cabin in the middle of nowhere with a ton of trees that I can just sit in front of and meditate for as long as I need to. She goes, okay, so you don't want to do like Aruba, right? I was like, no way. No trees, not people, trees. And she's like, okay, so that's what we did. And we meditated the whole time. And we found this peaceful, tranquil cabin on a mountain. It was beautiful. And we're meditating and she takes something out of her bag that I had never seen before. It was a hand drawn portrait of her dad. Now when she shows it to me, I'm like, that's your dad, that's your dad. And she goes, I know, I know. I saw a spirit artist, a medium who is a spirit artist. He could draw what he sees. And I was like, wow, wouldn't that be great if I could do that? Because then you have your proof. It's like right there. There's no denying it. So I said, who drew that? I. I have to meet him. I have to get, I have to know that man. And here's the thing about that picture. So to, to give you a little insight into her dad. He was, he worked in construction, he owned a company, he built houses for a living. He. You would always find them in jeans and work boots and that kind of thing. But in the way I saw him, he had this particular dress shirt on. And the way this gentleman saw him, he had the same shirt on. And that shirt was a joke because it was the one and only nice shirt he had. And he broke it out on Christmas, so it was known as the Christmas shirt. So I was like, that's exactly what he was wearing when I saw him. So he chose to show himself to me exactly the way he showed himself to that guy. So I said, how can I find him? We need to find him. And we, we searched him on the Internet and he comes up in the website and it says, we are now taking applications for a two year program with a two year mentorship program with Medium Joe. And the application must be submitted by February 15th. That is my birthday, February 15th. She goes, Are you going to apply? I said, yeah, if that's not divine intervention, I don't know what is. Now I'm talking this way. So I submit the application, and then they give you another application, and then they give you another application. And it's like this. In their essay questions, what happens? And you got to go step by step by step by step. He's not accepting anybody who's on the cusp of him not knowing if you're legit. Then you do an interview and then you do another application. So I went through all these processes and I never heard from them again. And I was. I was a little disappointed. I was like, now I'm all the way back to maybe this isn't real. Maybe this was luck. Maybe this was something in my memory. So I'm all the way back to doubting myself. And I call his assistant just to confirm that I didn't get it. And she says, no, no, no, no, no, no, that's not the case at all. There are hundreds of applications that he has to go through. And I was like, oh, okay. She's like, just hang in there. We'll get to you as fast as we can and we'll let you know. I don't know if you're in or not, but there's hundreds. Now, here's the integrity of this man. Hundreds of applications, two year program, costs several thousand dollars to be in this program. This is a mentorship. This is not a class. This is like, I can call him 24 7, Christmas Eve at midnight if I need to. And that costs money. He could have said, you're all real. Come on in, and had this huge windfall, but he did not do that. I did make it. I was number 11 out of 11. That's it. And everybody else was way more experienced than I was. They were like, learning how to do this. Some were doing it even, like, professionally. Some were not. I certainly was not. And I was just honored to be there. And I think there was eventually two more stragglers, three, four more people that came in. So it only went up to 14. But think about, you know, how much money that was that he just let go the integrity of this man. I was like, that's. That's the guy for me. So, I mean, if there's one thing that I live by, I know my integrity is the only thing I have. And, and there's no way that I, I bend that, break that. If I give you my word, it's done. And he's very much like that. So we just connected. And the more I got to go through this process, it became more than just mediumship. It became about spirituality. And now he's teaching me other things about life and, and universal laws and principles. And I'm like, like, you're my dad, man. You know, I just, I. I just love him so much. You know, he taught me more in, in, in a year and a half than, Than my dad did. You know, he was everything. That was.

What a wonderful circle to, to kind of experience the fact that you begin somewhere and you go full circle through what is an incredible journey of discovery, trust, I guess, observation, feeling of, you know, just being out of control, being in control, exploration, everybody. If you are interested in exploring this deeper, and I'm convinced that many, many people with me, you need to go to Ray's website, which is Ray Catania.com to explore the awakening series and so much more of Ray's work. This has been a really, really enlightening and absolutely fascinating journey. Ray, thank you so much for sharing the journey with us. It has been just. Well, there's so many little points here that we need to kind of rethink and revisit. And for me, I just would like to sort of run this off, just really, I guess, with a question. The one thing that it seems that you've been able to do through all of this is just really trust is. Is just not push things back when you don't accept them, when you don't understand them. It feels that just. You've been able to just accept. And that is just. From a human being, that is just one of the most powerful things you can do, isn't it?

Yeah. I never really thought of myself that way. Thank you. I think that, you know, when we're somebody once. I don't know how I got on the topic, but I always say that my best days were my. Not my best days, they were my worst days. That's the days I showed my character. That's the days I showed who I was. And it's like that with everybody. It's your worst days are the days that you shine the most. And I'm grateful for those days. I wouldn't go back and change anything. I needed those traumas. I needed those things in order to get to where I am today. And you know, eventually I did have my spiritual awakening, which is the second book. And it, you know, everything has changed in such a great, beautiful way. But I had to go through that first. Otherwise I wouldn't be here and you wouldn't want to talk to me and I would have nothing to say. You can't. I mean, you can learn this, but you have to experience certain things to have it. And I was blessed with those horrible days.

That acceptance is something I think all of us can learn from people. I would really, really implore you to. To go to Ray's website. Ray Catania.com we'll put the links to the Awakening series on Amazon and Ray's site in the episode notes below. Ray, this has been an absolute pleasure having this conversation with you. Thank you so much for your vulnerability, your openness and your honest. I think we will all, and I'll speak on behalf of the whole audience will all really appreciate, you know, how open you've been for us. So thank you.

Thank you, Neil. It's been an honor. Thank you.