Reclaiming Purpose: Unlocking Deeper Meaning & Empowerment w/ Ray Catania, Part 1

Hi and welcome to Empowerment Unleashed. Now. I'm Michelle Jones and I'm here with Scott Collins. Say howdy. Hey, guys. Happy full moon. Happy full moon in Gemini at my natal degree. And we are today calling this episode with Ray Catania. Who are. We all are. I mean, talk about gifts through the holiday season. We're calling this Reclaiming Purpose and Unlocking Deeper Meaning and empowerment. Ray is an author, he is a psychic medium. He is an intuitive and near death experiencer. And to me, somebody who autobiographically has gone from atheism to the afterlife, if you will, which is the title of Ray's autobiography, is somebody who is more than versed to speak to. So, Ray, thank you so much for coming and joining us.

Thank you, Michelle. Thank you, Scott. It's a pleasure to be with you. Thank you both very much.

Thank you, sir. Ray. We were just fascinated, Scott and myself, for a myriad of reasons, just about your story, because we had somebody on a couple of weeks ago, Mark Gober, and he was a gentleman who talked about the end of everything upside down, about several. A myriad of topics. And he was someone who went from also being an atheist, right. And he had just this awakening. And so I really want to hear what happened, Ray.

What happened? So, yeah, it's. It's quite a story. I mean, we'll start, I guess, going way back to childhood days. I grew up in a Catholic home where nothing else was really permitted except for that. Um, but it wasn't a happy home. It was. There was a lot of drama, trauma, turmoil. And as a little kid growing up, seeing that all the time kind of forced me to isolate myself a lot and hide, you know, just to avoid what was going on, what was transpiring and these, these long stretches, these hours of being alone, you know, which was like, from after school until everybody went to sleep. You know, I later realized it was almost similar to doing hours and hours of meditation because we did not have cell phones, we did not have, you know, the electronics that we have today. So it was just me in a wall, you know, just hiding in a closet, hiding in the basement, hiding outside, just trying to stay clear of what was going on in the house. So I rebelled against my parents and just went to the farthest direction I possibly could, which was atheism. And it was really whatever they were, whatever religion they would have followed, I would have rebelled against. It wasn't about the religion, was about them and me. So at the age of about 20. Well, I was 20, I had an NDE. And the way it happened was my bedroom. I'm still living at home with my parents. My bedroom's located on the second floor. Directly beneath me is the kitchen. Now, the stove in the kitchen runs on natural gas. And there was a gas leak. And it was leaking all night. No one knew. And in the morning. So I'm inhaling the gas as it's rising. I'm inhaling it because I'm directly above it. So my mother gets up in the morning and she turns on the stove. And there's like a. The way I understand it, big ball of flames catches the wall on fire. There's some smoke. There's some fire. My father puts it out again. This is the way I was told the story. And. But they call 91 1. So I hear the fire trucks. I hear the everything. The fire trucks, the police department, the radios and whatnot. And I go to try to get out of bed. And this is the first moment that I noticed something seriously wrong with me. Because I can't move. I can't move my legs. I can't move my head off the pillow. Feels like it just weighs a thousand pounds. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I know something is serious.

And.

And what works is my. My arms. And I start to pull myself to the edge of the bed. And every time I get a couple more inches, I pass out again. Then I come to and I do it again. I hear them downstairs. And I want to know what's going on in my house. I have no idea. So finally I keep inching my way, inching my way. And I know if I don't get out of this bed, you know something's seriously wrong with me. I'm going to die. So I give one last shot with everything that I have, and I pull with everything I have. And I come out of the bed and I tumble onto the floor, face first. I hit the floor. And you know how when you get hit, you're waiting for the pain? Like it doesn't set in right away. It's kind of like there's that moment of shock, and you're waiting for it, and you know it's coming. The pain never came. And the reason the pain never came was because I was no longer in that physical body. I was above it. If you picture, the room was a perfect square. And it was almost like. Like I was in a neutral corner. And I'm looking down at my lifeless body. And that sounds scary, but it wasn't. For some reason. I don't know why, but I wasn't scared at all. In fact, it was really pleasant, to say the least. And in the adjacent corner was a white light, huge, like a spotlight. I mean, to call this a light is an understatement. This is. Has feeling, this has love, this has euphoria, this has painlessness. This comes with just a myriad of emotions that I can't even begin to describe. And at the end of that light was a being at the end of the light who said, right, it's okay. You can come into the light. And all I could think of is, it knows my name. And I trusted this being for some reason. I wasn't a very trusting kid, that's for sure. But I proceeded to go into the light a little bit. And as I went in, that euphoria, that feeling of euphoria and love, that was enhanced and it grew the farther I got into the light. So needless to say, I wanted to go to the end of the tunnel and see where. What was there. I didn't make it because in that moment, my father comes in, he kicks in the door because I guess they heard me hit the floor. So this is the first time somebody goes, oh, crap, Ray's upstairs, right? So he comes running into the room first, and he scoops me up and. And I'm watching this from above. I'm watching this. I'm looking at it down on the floor, and he's screaming for the paramedics. He's crying. He is just distraught. He's holding me and he's yelling. And. And the being. I said, I can't leave him like that. He see, we didn't have that kind of a relationship, but it was something I always wanted. You know, he probably hugged me five times my whole life. One of them is when I'm dead. So I don't even know when the other four were. So I'm looking at this guy going, who. Who is that man who actually does love me and how can I get more of that? So I don't know if I was allowed to go back for that reason. But I did come back, obviously, and I was in. I was now in the living room when I woke up. And the paramedics were working on top of me with their tools and their stuff. And, you know, I said, the euphoria kind of stays with you. It's still in you, right? Because you're an energetic being, you. And now you. You energetically entangled with this beautiful light. And so when I wake up and I come to him like, guys, guys, I feel great. Like, you don't stop, stop. I don't know. I don't even know what they're doing. And I'm like, get off me. Get off me. I feel fantastic. And I go, kid, listen, you're a lot of things. Fantastic ain't one of them right now. So why don't you just lay there? And I'm like, but, but did you. Did you hear the voice? Did you see the light? I mean, come on, guys. Weren't you here? And then they start looking at each other like, okay, maybe we got to take this guy to a different type of hospital, right? So I just shut up really quick because I could tell that I was going to go to the wrong place. So I let them do their thing. They took me to the hospital. And it was later on when the euphoria wears off. Wasn't much longer, the euphoria goes away and the pain kicks in, and it's like a bomb goes off inside your body. Because all the little things that, you know, the little aches and pains that you have when you're complete, pure energy, you feel none of that. You don't have any aches or pains. You have nothing. It's the most amazing feeling I could ever, ever have had. And when I came back, you know, everything hurt, including my chest. But that. I know that that was chest compressions and whatever else they did to. To resuscitate me. So it was after that I started thinking, well, you know what just happened to me, right? I'm trying to hold on to atheism, but this profound thing just transpired, and I'm trying to justify it away. I tell my mother it happens, and she said, no, it didn't. Didn't happen like that. And I understand. Today we've had a conversation after the book came out. You know, why she was in denial for so many years. And if I lost one of my kids on my watch, I'd probably chalk it up to it never happened to. But it certainly did. And at the age of 82, she didn't only die once, four times. They kept pulling an ambulance over to resuscitate you. And I didn't even know that. So I'm trying to process this, and I have no computer to go to. I can't type anything into Google. It's not invented yet. We have nothing, no cell phones, so. But I want. It's easier for me to remain an atheist. It's simpler that way. I don't want to process this. I don't want to be bothered with this So I do it like this. This is how I chalk it up to being a non event. I figured I tumbled out of the bed and I fell directly beneath the window, which is true. It was probably a sunny day and the sun that was shining on me I interpreted as a white light. And then the being at the end of the tunnel, the voice and everything else I hallucinated because I had inhaled so much gas. And I was like, this is. That's it. That's what happened. Right? I'm done. I don't have to deal with this anymore.

Rational.

Yeah. It was the only way that I could really process it. Everyone, I'm sorry, you, Ray.

Pardon me. Remind us of your age again.

20.

You were 20 at the time, so still young, but old enough to be able to kind of tuck that away into an explainable kind of a box, if you will.

It was the only thing I could do with it because I didn't have anybody who could explain to me what had transpired. And everybody told me I was crazy. The paramedics told me it was crazy. My mother said it didn't happen. So anytime I remember one time I brought it up at the Thanksgiving table, just touched on it a little bit, and that did not go over well. So I was done with that story. I was not telling anybody that. I was not trying to process it. I compartmentalized it and I left it there. But here's what happens. A couple of years, maybe one year and a half later, I. I move out of that house and I get my own apartment. And now, you know, being a kid or being a kid and being able to see energy, and now I'm a little bit older and I've had an nde. It's kind of like I have a direct link that I didn't know I had. I. I don't know anything about mediumship. I don't believe in any of that. I don't believe in psychics at this time in my life. This is a point where, you know, I don't believe anything. So I just want to get my bachelor pad and it's going to be chicks and guns and fire trucks and blah, blah, blah, you know, if you remember the movie. So I thought it was going to be like that all the time. And I opened the doors to this apartment, and every time I would walk in the door, that apartment was filled with what I thought were people. I couldn't. I'm not seeing anything. I'm just feeling presence. You know, how like if somebody's looking at you and then you turn and you see that they really are looking at you. You know that feeling? So I had that from all around me in that apartment. And this would go on every single day and nothing electronic would work correctly. I would keep calling the maintenance guy and he would come up all the time and finally he says, kid, don't call me anymore. There's nothing wrong with your place. You are crazy. And now I'm starting to buy into, okay, maybe I really am crazy, you know, maybe this is what crazy is. But I can't sleep in that apartment. There's no way I can sleep there. So I start using massive amounts of alcohol and drugs because it's the only way I can go to sleep. And in 10 months I actually left. I had a 12 month lease, but I left in 10 months because I couldn't take it anymore. I had to get out of there, moved into a new apartment, thought, okay, this is going to be the place. This is it. That place was weird. I don't know what was going on there, but this is going to be the place. And I move in and it's the same thing all over again. So it's not the place, it's Ray. And wherever I go, these things are coming with me. So I'm chalking this up to insanity because that's the only rational thing I've got. Because I'm an atheist. I would yell at them and say, I don't believe in you. Go to a Christian, go bother them. I don't believe you're real. And they wouldn't leave. So there was this constant, at that time in my life, there was this constant like pressure or push for them to try to get my attention so that I would get engaged in dialogue. But I don't know this yet because I don't even know anything about mediumship. I know nothing about nothing.

Sure.

Except drinking and drugs and partying and that's all I know.

Yeah.

And so I get a job. I get several jobs with some shady characters because now I'm a kid who doesn't fear death at all. I'm living, you know, the craziest lifestyle anyone could ever live. Making a lot of money. So one night we're all in the bar and it's after hours and I was about to go home. I worked at the bar. The bar and nightclub industry is very, you know, run by a lot of shady people, let's just say that. So we'll call the guy I worked for, Vinnie, and I brought some stuff up to the bar and I was like heading out for the night, and I said good night to Vinnie. And there's Vinnie and his associates are on one side. It's after hours. There's a couple guys I've never seen before in the middle. And there's a drug dealer on the end. He's the house drug dealer. I know him. And he says, ray, give me a Johnny Walker on the rocks. And I looked at Vinnie for the nod, and he gives me the head nod, so I know that I can pour it. So I do. I pick up Johnny Red. And he says, no, don't give me that crap. Give me Johnny Black. Well, I look at Vinnie again and he gives me the nod, so I know it's okay. But the Johnny Black is locked up in a cabinet and it's kind of like under the bar, tucked under it. So I need a key. I got to open it. So I'm. I'm. I bend down to open the lock and I hear pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. And I know they're not firecrackers, but that's what it sounds like when they're going off indoors. And so I know somebody's shooting at somebody and I got to get the hell out of there. And that's about all I know in this moment. And that same being that was there, that I don't know if a man or woman or what that being was, I hear that voice again. And when I. When I say hear or see, it's for lack of a better term because it's a perception, right? I'm not actually hearing with my ears. I'm not seeing with my eyes. I understand that now, but it's a perceived telepathic information is coming to me. And he says. I'm going to say. He. He says, side door, side door, side door three times. And I can see the side door, but to get to that side door, I've got to get up from behind the bar. I don't think anybody remembers I'm there right now, or they don't care. But once I stand up, it's going to be different. So I can't make it to that side door. And I hear it again, side door, side door, side door. So I really have nowhere else to go. So I run to the side door. I don't even look back. I have no idea. I just bolt for that door and I make it to that door, but that doesn't go outside, so I still have to go. Make like a left and another left, go down a long corridor about 40ft and then go out another side door that takes you to the parking lot. So I make it and I get outside and don't you know my car is parked right outside that door. And in all the years that I was working there, I never put my car there. I have my own private parking space on the other side of the building. But for some reason that day I parked my car right outside that door and I got out of there. Oh, and that being has been with me every time I'm literally in a position where I'm about to die and tells me how to get out of it. I can remember way back when I was about 10 years old and I swam out. We were at the ocean, my parents brought me to the ocean, set up a blanket and I swam out too far and there was an undertow which I don't really understand. I'm 10 years old, so I'm trying to swim back to shore and what's happening is as I'm swimming forward, the undertows just taking me back out and I'm going nowhere. So I panic and I start to go, go under. And I'm trying to get the lifeguards attention, but the lifeguard, there's 10 kids to the left of me and I'm all by myself. So he went to save the 10, not the 1. And I'm the one that's, you know, left. I understand that, you know the math, but I got to get out of here and I don't know what to do.

Yeah.

And once panic sets in, you're done.

Yes.

So as my heart starts to beat faster and faster, I hear that voice. And this is, I think it's the first time I've heard it, I don't know that says, calm down, swim sideways, take all the time you need. Calm down, swim sideways, take all the time you need. Three times, always three times. And I can't calm down because I'm a kid. I don't know how to calm down. So he does that for me and there's this feeling of just warmth and peace that just goes through my entire body very tingly, very. Just light. And it just relaxes me. And then I start to swim on an angle to shore, which I now know is what you're supposed to do if you get caught in an undertow. But I had no idea at 10 years old. So I'm swimming on an angle and I finally get to shore and I just collapse. I'm way down from where my parents blanket is. I have no idea where they are. And now everybody's running over to me. The adults are, are you okay, kid? Are you okay? And now I'm scared of the people that are coming at me, even though I. They're trying to help me. And I'm trying to run and I'm stumbling and I'm getting up again and trying to run away from them. And it was like. It was a moment where I knew that life was going to be me and me, like I was going to be the person that I could count on, and that was it. But that being has always been there to this day. And I now know he's my spirit guide, one of my spirit guides. And, you know, we have really a great relationship, obviously. But, you know, before that, I really. I didn't know that.

Well, I mean, Ray, there's just. There's so much going through my. My mind about what you said. I mean, so first of all, fellow closet kid over here. So, you know, for me, it was probably a meditative practice. I at least had a bumblebee clock and so I could watch the bumblebee, like, moving around, waiting for my dad to come home so the insanity might stop. So I. I really. I understand creating those different perceptions when we're isolated. And I believe, generationally, we come from a similar place, my friend. I'm guessing so. My dad's family hails from Bensonhurst.

Oh.

And so. So, you know, I. I hear. I hear culturally, you know, different. Different overtones of what you're. And I have great awareness of the culture that you speak of. And I also find it so intriguing, Ray, that you had had these experiences early on, you know, and still, like, it was a being for you. It wasn't like it was God, you know? You know, I know for myself, I had a near an NDE when I was probably about 6i. And it wasn't like a big one, but it was, you know, turns upside down in the tube and nobody paying attention whatsoever. And then finally it's like, see the little feet sticking up? And, you know, I was. I was still present, but not completely present. And I just remember hitting the ground and slamming my body and vomiting. So I don't. I don't know. I was a little kid, right. Generationally, I feel like that you're a Gen Xer like Scott and myself. I try to explain to people like our producer Noah or other like, Gen Zers that I speak to that we were kind of in the spirit, spiritual dark ages, if you will. Like, like we were just existing these experiences occurring without any frame to put them in. And they were actually disempowering because they made you weird. Different than your peers who wanted to be sharing things like this because they would think that you were Froot Loops.

I'm going or I'm going to hell. One or the other. You're going directly to hell. Do not pass go, do not collect $200 or B, you're out of your mind. You're nuts. Stop telling me your craziness. That was one of those two is all I would get.

Yes. And to begin to find the courage that you, that you moved like you were like, hey look, my lease is up, you know, in two more months. But this isn't like you had a conviction within you that you felt, I, I know something here is not right and I'm going to take an action step to change it.

Didn't go that way, but yeah, I tried.

But. But you were like experiencing something and trying to transform it, not knowing where it was emanating from, obviously. Right. But receiving that, that information. You know, I can't even imagine, you know, having something like that because I know When I was 17, my mother had passed away and I had an outer body experience at that time where like I visited with her in heaven. And I was like, really? Like, you're talking to me about this. Like we didn't have the greatest relationship. Like I would think that daddy would be who you would come to. And like when I spoke to my dad about it, he was like. And my dad was somebody who expanded his consciousness. Right. Dad got out of Bensonhurst and became a really different kind of a human being. Like Bomb Das was like, you know, his guru, you know, so. So he knew he had to expand his consciousness to live. Just going to leave it at that. And I was blessed with that knowledge, but yet shut it down, Ray, like you did. Like when after that out of body experience. And Dad's like, this is incredible. And you know your parent telling you at 17, this is incredible is like an absolute that you're just saying, okay, I'm going to go the exact other way.

Thank you for that knowledge. I'll be on my way. I got to be somewhere at 9. See you around.

Thanks again. Thanks. So. And. And I shut down probably what I now know is my third eye chakra. Right. IR field.

Yep.

It's like, all right, I'm done. And so, Ray, at what point did you feel freedom to engage this?

So up until when I, my, I turned 30, my young 30s, I have two kids with my first wife and Now I have a reason to live because of these two tiny humans that I whittled into this world. I wanted. I. I was one of two sons, and I wanted to have two sons, so. Because I literally wanted to give them everything I didn't have. So as soon, as soon after that I had those children, I checked myself into rehab, I went back to college, got a business degree, went to work for a big company, did very well, worked my way up the ladder, came back, did it again, worked my way up the ladder, and we were on top of the world, you know. But my marriage fell apart very quickly. It was maybe, I don't know, three years in, that fell apart, but I still have the kids, and they were my why, they were my reason for living. They were my reason for everything. So I turned everything about my life around and I became a. A pillar of my society. At one point, people are like, you should run for mayor. And so I completely turned everything around and. But I never dealt with the other stuff. So what happens is, is there's kind of like these energy beings, I call them. They know I can't communicate with them. They know now I have no idea what I'm doing. So although they come and go, they're not really as dominant. They're not driving me nuts. Right, yeah. Because they know I don't know what to do. I have no clue. Right. Yeah. So, no, it's kind of like a ceasefire. You know, they're over there, I'm over here, and, you know, we just can't talk to each other because, you know, whatever. So this goes on for quite a while now. I don't start to date many, many years after my marriage falls apart. I wait a long time and then, you know, I do a little dating. But I don't want to bring anybody home to my kids until they're old enough to kind of understand that. At least I thought that was the right thing to do. I don't know if I did the right thing, but that's. I waited. So when I was in my 40s, I decide, okay, I'm going to date. Seriously. I'm going to, you know, really try to find somebody and settle down and everything. So I go online and. Because that's kind of how we meet people now, I guess. Right. And I. When you go to these different websites, they try to entice you by showing you a few ladies that are in your area to kind of get you to join that particular site. Right. So the examples. There were four examples on this one page. And the third one down on the right. I saw her picture only and I said, I know her. Like, I don't know, like I really know her. I don't mean like I've, we've crossed paths. I mean like, that's my wife. I know. She is my wife.

Oh.

So I joined that site. I send one email only to her and I explain this to her. This is the only email I'm sending. I joined this, you know, to send you this email and you know, kind of, you're my wife, you just don't know it yet. By the way, my name's Ray and if you'll have dinner with me, I'll explain the whole thing. She goes, lol, you are absolutely crazy. I said, I know, but we have dinner and we did. And she, I just know that she's my soulmate. Even though I don't know what a soulmate is, I got no clue. But when I meet her, here's what happens. So we date for a couple of months and it gets pretty serious pretty quickly. She's got two younger kids, I got two older kids. And so she asks me this question. She says, so I'm just curious, what are your spiritual or religious beliefs? And I was like, you go first. And she's like, no, no, no, no, no, no. I would have just agreed, whatever. She, you know, I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it, that's me. Put me down. And I told her, I said, listen, this is something that, you know, really, I have no idea. I don't know because I was really confused. You know, I, I, I did do a little ease. I did feel confident that that was.

A.

Real time that, and I never tried. Oh, okay. So it's a massage, like. And she's like, no, no, not at all. No. In fact, you don't even have to be there when it happens. And I'm like, okay, this sounds great. Are we gonna have cake? Something, something tangible here? And she says, you know, just do it. And I said, okay, okay, I'm gonna do it. Thank you, thank you so much. I don't know what I'm doing, but I do it. So the woman calls me and I'm at work and she tells me the rules. Don't make, don't have any appointments today. I said, okay. And if you feel a little bit weird thereafter, just call me. It's not unusual to feel strange. I said, okay. She said, don't make any life changing decisions for at least a week. I said, okay, I can handle those rules. Thank you. Very much. Now I'm being cordial and polite because I don't believe in any of this nonsense. And I'm just trying to be nice because my wife is really hot, and I just. I'll do whatever she tells me to do. So I get. I go. I have this thing. And then after it's over, she calls me and. And says, okay, we're done. And she starts to tell me, you know, a bunch of things, and I'm.

I.

Very polite. Thank you very much. I appreciate your time. You know, have a nice day. And I hang up the phone. So within two hours, I start to feel weird. Like she says, my equilibrium is off. What happens is I start to feel energy in the room again. And it's getting greater and greater as time goes on. And I start to feel like I was in that apartment again, like it was just starting all over again. And I was like, no, no, no, no. This can't. This can't be. This cannot be happening right now. Cannot. And I'm certainly not associating it to what just happened, because that would be ridiculous. It's a coincidence. So. But here's the. Here's the thing. This is the first time I ever see energy that looks kind of like a human in my mind. Third eye, not realize, right? I'm seeing what appears to be a movie screen that kind of opens up, and on the screen is a man. And he's talking to me in the audience. And he says, I effed up. I made a mistake. You can help her. I cannot. And I was like, what was that? What was that? And then he comes back and he says the same thing. I effed up. I made a mistake. You can help or I cannot. He's a big guy. He's got a beard, mustache, thick black hair. I've never seen him before in my life. I have no idea who he is, and nor have I ever seen energy in human form. Yeah, so I'm at work. I'm like, okay, just. Just relax. This. Whatever this is, it'll pass. We made it through. I'm talking to myself now, right? We made it through a lot. We'll get through this. This is fine. So I leave work, and it was a Friday. And I said, I'm not. You know, I figure I got the weekend. If I'm sick, I'm just going to go to sleep, I'll wake up, everything will be fine. The next day, I get up, it's Saturday morning. There he is again, first thing in the morning. I effed up. I made A mistake. You can help her. I cannot. I'm like, oh, my God, this is crazy. And he seems to come back, like, every hour on the hour. And that's not, you know, definite that it was every hour, but I'm just trying to give you an idea of how often. So he kept coming and coming and coming and coming. Now by Sunday, it feels like he's coming every five minutes. I can't function anymore. I can't drive. I can't talk to anybody. I can't. Can't focus, can't stay in one conversation. And I was at the counter paying for my stuff. And I remember the woman behind the counter, I must have done something. And she says, are you okay, sir? And I said, absolutely not. I am not okay. And I took my car back and I went in my car and I put my head down and I just started crying. I'm like, so frustrated with life. I did everything right. I did everything wrong, then I did everything right. And both of them amount to me losing my mind. So I'm preparing for my death. I'm making sure my brother has all the paperwork because this is the end. I am officially now insane.

Oh, bless.

That's what I believe. I am officially insane. I'm going to have to tell people eventually. I'm going to have to tell this woman I love because she has a right to find a normal guy. I am not normal. And, you know, I got to prepare for my kids well being, make sure that they have everything that they need. So I actually called my brother. I was like, you have a. You have a dnr. You have. Don't. I'm. I'm going into the light this time. I'm not coming back. It's not happening. Make sure you pull the plug. Do you have the guts to pull the plug? He said, yes. I said, good. He goes, why, what's wrong? I said, nothing. I just want to make sure that you have everything just in case one day. Because I don't want to get them all nervous or anything. So now I've got to tell this woman that I love what's going on so I can kind of, like, set her free and let her find a normal guy.

No, she's gonna make sense of this, Ray.

Have you heard the story?

No. I'm intuitive also. I'm cheering, so.

And to top it off now, okay, I am dating a doctor of psychology and neuropsychology. Like a dozen years of school, highly educated, scientific mind. She's. Now, you know, how am I going to say this? Yeah, you can't make this stuff up.

Now, isn't she the one that sent you for the clearing?

Yes, yes, yes, yes. That is true.

Good, good, good.

Okay.

I'm tracking red.

So I start to tell her. I'm like, listen, there's something I really have to tell you. It's been happening to me, and, you know, here's what happens. You know, I get these vibrations. I kind of get these chills. And then this movie screen opens up, and this guy's on the movie screen. He looks at me and he says, I effed up. I made a mistake. You can help her. I cannot. He's a big, stocky guy, beard, mustache, thick black hair and blah, blah, blah. And I go on and. And she's just like. Her jaw drops, like. And I'm like, yeah, here it comes. Here it comes. And I'm just thinking she's going to say, call this doctor. Never call me again. Here's your referral. This guy is a psychiatrist. He can help you out, right? But that's not what happens, because like you said, this is the same person who sent me for a spiritual clearing. So what she says is, wow, that sounds like my dad. And I'm like, honey, you told me your dad died. You think I'm talking to dead people now? I'm thinking she's crazy. And I got to get the hell out of there. Check, please. I got to go. This one's nuts. So, no, really, I was. I was just like. I was see that with coming. But I said, it doesn't look like your dad, babe. I said, this guy's got. I saw the picture, you know, that. That. She had a picture that was on the mantel. She always left it out there. He had like a baseball jersey on, whatnot. He had no facial hair and a lot. Not less hair, but just done differently. And he was thinner. And she's like, well, yeah, that's a very old picture. Let me show. Show you what he looked like before he died. And she goes through her phone and shows me a picture. I'm like, you know that, man? I was like, that guy's in my head. And she's like, that's my dad, silly. Comes up into medium. So. So many mediums he comes through all the time. You're just probably a psychic medium and you don't know it. And I'm like, what's a medium? What is this? You know, I'm like, you New Yorker. What the F is a medium? I don't know what you're talking About. Are you crazy? So she's.

Steak.

She's. She's just. I'm sorry, I didn't hear.

That's how I order my steak.

Right, right, right. Exactly. So I, I. So she says, listen, there's a psychic medium coming to our area. And she's coming. I don't know if it was next week or the week after. She goes, why don't I just book us a couple of appointments? We'll both go in, we can talk to her. You can go first, I go second or whatever. And you could just explain to her what happens. What have you got to lose? And I said, you're right. As usual, you're right. I'm going to do whatever you told me to do. So I did it. And I showed up and we went in, and she goes, do you want to go first? And I said, yes, because otherwise I'm out of here. Now I'm petrified. I'm like 50 years old almost. I've been through gunfire, I've nearly drowned, I've been in car accidents, I've been nearly blown up. All this crazy stuff. And I am very, very frightened of this little frail woman who says that she is a medium, because I don't know what that is. I'm petrified. My knees are shaking. Yep. And I go inside and, and. And she's. I say, hi, I'm Ray. And she goes, oh, you're that Ray. And I was like, shit, this is not going to be good. And I sit down and she goes, tell me what's happening, Ray. And I said, well, you see, sometimes I kind of, like, see people, and they're not really there. They're just kind of. Kind of there. And she goes, me too. Me too. She goes, yeah, all the time. She goes, tell me about your experience. And I'm like, okay. So I get the vibrations and I see the line sometimes, and I get chills. And then all of a sudden, this movie screen overs over. She goes, stop. I said, what? She said, that's exactly how I see it. She said, that's exactly how we see it. We all see it. And I said, we all mediums, because it's very similar to the way we see it. And I went on to explain a couple of other ones, visions that I had because I had plenty by that time. And she validated all of them. And I was. For the first time in my life, there was nothing I could say to this woman that she would reject me or push me back or tell me I was crazy. She made sense of Everything that I had no idea what was happening. And I can't even tell you the emotional release that I had in that moment, because it was just the first person I. I. My. I. I knew. My. My future wife, she was. She had a handle on it, but this woman really got it right.

Yeah.

So she took me under her wing for the first year, and thank God that she did, because I needed to learn how to turn it on, turn it off, do things like that, step away from it, because it was very overwhelming. And had she not done that, you know, I probably wouldn't even be here today. So I got validation, I got an education, and I got my soulmate, and things were looking really, really good in that moment.

Yes. I mean, and you found your soul tribe, at least in Woman.

But, yeah. Actually, what's funny is. So it's exactly a year later, and it's my birthday again coming up, and my wife says, hey, what do you want to do for your birthday? And I was like, I don't know. I was like, what do you want to do? So, I don't know. Beach or something, Maybe Bahamas or. I said, that's not really me anymore. I just kind of want to be with trees now. I have no idea who I am anymore. No clue. I'm completely clueless. I'm trying to find myself. I said, all I know is I want to be. I said, can we just get a cabin or a tent with an outhouse in the middle of the woods? And she's like, okay. She would go. She went along with it, and we did it. And I meditated the whole time we were there. And she. In her bag, she had taken out this illustration. And she showed it to me. It was a drawing of her dad. And I was like, that's your dad. And she goes, I know. And I said, but that's the way. Exactly the way I see him in the afterlife. Like, that's how I see him. His hair is like that. His beard is like that. That shirt that he has on, that's the shirt. And she goes, that's the Christmas shirt. And I said, what is that? She goes, the last time that he was. When he was alive, the last time he put a nice shirt on, that was this shirt and that. And that was brought up as it was called the Christmas shirt. That's what they called it. He was a construction guy, so he didn't really wear a lot of fancy clothes, so he took this shirt out around the holidays, and that was this Christmas shirt. And I said, so anyway, who Drew that. And she's like a medium. And I said, there's mediums that can draw. That's incredible. Because what's better validation than that, right? I wish I could do that. And I said, who drew that? And we looked him up online, we brought him up and it said right on the front page of his website. I had no idea how big he was, but it said, now accepting applications for a two year mentorship program. You must apply by February 15th. And that was the following day, because that's my birthday. And she goes, are you going to apply? And I said, does the pope shit in the woods? Yes. Print the paper. Let's go. Let's do this. And it was like divine intervention. And I was like, all on board. And I submit the application and it's a little application, it's nothing big. So the real application comes second. And it's like this. It's just essay questions. What happens first? What happens? He wants to make sure that you are completely legit before he even does an interview with you. So I fill out this whole thing. It takes a long time to fill it out and I don't really hear anything for a while. And then I do get a call and we do have that interview. And I thought it went well. But then after I spoke with him, I got another few follow up questions in an email that I answered. And then I heard nothing. It was like radio silence. Nothing at all. So I just figured I didn't get in. And I'm back to doubting myself. This is not real. He can see you know who's real and who's not. I know he can. And. And he's thinking I'm not one of them. Is my ego just totally kicking in? I have done no work on my egoic mind yet. So this is all coming from the ego. You're not good enough. You're not good enough. You're not good enough. So finally I call his assistant and I said I just wanted to, you know, make sure, you know, I guess I didn't get it. I understand if I didn't. I just, you know, wanted to make sure that that was accurate. And she goes, oh, no, no. She goes, we haven't made any decisions yet. You don't understand. There's hundreds of applications that he has to go through. And I was like, wow, okay, I get it. Thanks for your time. And now this is a two year mentorship program, which means you have 24, 7 access to this man. So it's not like a class. This costs several thousand Dollars. This is not cheap. And you can't buy your way into this thing. And here's how I know you've got hundreds of applicants, right? And you're charging several thousand dollars for this. Hundreds times thousands is hundreds of thousands of dollars. That's a huge payday for this man. Right. Well, I did make the cut and I was number 11 out of 11. That's it. He could have just said, yep, you're all real. Come on in, come on in. You're all real. Pay your title.

Uh huh, uh huh.

The integrity of this man was such that if he could not prove beyond a reasonable doubt to himself that you are the real deal, you're not getting into that. That's not to say everybody else wasn't real. I don't know that you know, one way or the other. It's just to say that he have that acceptance that you are.

Yes.

He will not take your money.

Yes.

So eventually I think it went up to 14. A couple more stragglers came in, but originally it was 11, and I was 11 out of 11. And I was like, man, I will you be my daddy because I really need you, you know, and he would laugh and you know, because by that time he knew my whole story. And I was just fascinated, you know. And he taught us a lot more than just mediumship. He taught us about spirituality, he taught us how to manifest. He taught us, gosh, so many things. Just during that two year program, it was amazing. And I'm still in the program. And it's like five years later or six years later, I don't, I'm, no, I never want to graduate. I just want to be the guy. I'm like, Van Wilder, I'm going to sit in the back of the class for my entire life. And I told him, I'm never leaving you, dude. I'm not so. And just professional, can I just stay in the back and be alumni forever? And he's like, yes, you can. And I said, thank you, sir. Thank you so much. Phenomenal.