Michelle Buenafuente Phillips, founder of Key Performance, teaches people to manage their nervous system and emotions through practical moves like naming internal characters. She describes the dialogue between "Wanda" (the critical voice) and "Grace" (the calm one), and her new book Energize Your Happiness offers a framework for aligning head, heart, and gut.
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Hello everyone, and welcome to another episode of Your Power Move by PassionFit. I am your host, Reena Vokoun, and I am so excited to have a lovely guest with me today. Her name is Michelle Phillips, and she is the founder and president of Key Performance. She is a bestselling author with a book called Energize Your Happiness, her latest book that just dropped on Amazon yesterday. I cannot wait to dig in with her and learn more. Um, she has a fascinating background in organizational behavior, positive psychology. She works with many Fortune 500 companies, including Verizon, Pfizer, PGA, and much more. And she is here to talk to us today all about her background, helping individuals and organizations really transform their personal and professional life using tools like emotional intelligence and happiness, and really focusing in on their mindset as as well. So welcome, Michelle, to the show.
Thank you for having me, Reena. It's a pleasure.
It's a pleasure. And I had the honor of being on Michelle's podcast recently, so it's just wonderful to bring her on as well. And that's another thing to add, she is a podcast host herself. And I'd love, Michelle, for you to tell our audience and our viewers and listeners a little bit about your background, both personally and professionally.
Yeah, well, it's kind of— it's fun to tell right now. It's always been fun, but I've had a real full circle moment in the last year I started this career, oh my gosh, 1998, '97. I went to Jack Canfield's workshop. He had an 8-day workshop in Santa Barbara, California, and he was going to teach people how to, um, it was called Facilitating Self-Esteem in the Classroom. And I thought, that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to help people be more confident. So as a young person, I flew to California, and the first thing he did when we got there was dealt with my confidence and my self-esteem. And I was like, I didn't pay for this. I came here to teach other people. But he changed the entire trajectory of my life, which we'll get into. But the full circle moment is my new book literally just hit Amazon yesterday. And Jack Canfield endorsed it. So he is the author of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series and The Success Principle. And he really, He changed my life in such a good way and helped me wanna help everybody have a better life. And now he's endorsing my new book. So it's just been such a, a beautiful ride.
That's incredible. I'm a huge fan of the Chicken Soup for the Soul book series. So what an honor to have him be integrated into your new book launch. And I find it really fascinating and I think it probably made sense that he worked with you first on your own confidence and self-esteem, even though you probably felt confident. But I think for you to do that work first before you then go off and teach other people is very powerful. And I'm sure you learned a lot about yourself from that experience. Were there any key takeaways that came from that?
I don't even know where to start. So many. The biggest key takeaway was that I was thinking too small. There's a great big world out there. There's a whole— I have beautiful parents who I love, but they were the old-fashioned, go to college, Michelle, get married, get a job with benefits, and have 1.2 children and live happily ever after. And one of the exercises in Santa Barbara when I went to Jack Canfield's, we had to buddy up with someone and share our goals. And I'll never forget this man, his goals were so big and mine were just, you know, to get married, have kids, you know, they were just regular. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but Jack showed me a new way of living, a new way of thinking. Just the idea of doing this for a living wasn't even a thought in my head. That this could be a living. So I went to his seminar in 1997 and I launched my business in 2000. So now that's a 25-year anniversary that I just passed also. So yeah, he really gave me a whole new life and a whole new perspective.
That's incredible. Well, happy 25th anniversary. That is amazing. Um, and I'm a huge fan of Santa Barbara. Our older son just started college at UCSB. So what a great place for you to experience that light bulb and that transformation. And I agree with you. I think sometimes we do think, not necessarily small, but we think in a safe way, right? It's tough to go out of the comfort zones of what maybe your parents expected or society expected, but there is a huge world out there. There's so many different possibilities when it comes to your career and what you can do to make an impact. And that's what I heard from you first and foremost is you wanted to help other people, which you're clearly doing and you've been doing for the better part of these last 25 years. What led you to where you are today in terms of ups and downs? Were there some major challenges that stand out in your mind that were really transforming for you?
Oh, so many. Again, it's been a long life and a good life. But I got divorced, choosing to leave a marriage that wasn't horrible, but just wasn't making me happy. When the market crashed in 2008, I really thought I was out of business because all my clients said, we don't need training. You know, just so many things over the years, even moving. 7 years ago, we moved out towards the Hamptons, and I had a whole, what do you call it, identity crisis because it was, I was a big fish where I used to live, and I knew everybody, and I grew up there. And then I moved out here where there was so much wealth and fame, and, you know, it was a, I had to figure out who was I in this new place. So we could talk about any of them, but the gift of each of them is It is a gift. It's like, okay, the universe put me here for a reason because this is where I need to grow. So every time the carpet gets pulled out from under you, not right away, I probably moan and groan for a little while first and then look for the lesson.
Yeah, it's true. Taking yourself out of a place that you knew so well, naturally you're gonna be almost starting over in many ways, which can be scary. And it is a time to really think about Okay, what do I, what do I do now? Who am I in this world? Which is actually a great segue into what I wanted to ask you about your purpose. Um, you did talk a little bit about wanting to help instill confidence in others, but is there even beyond that sort of a bigger purpose that you have? And is there something in your life that really made that so for you?
Yeah. And you know, I, I, I'm a big believer in that, you know, what you want to learn or what you need to learn, you teach. So. Early, my first book was all about the habits of happy people. You know, what are they doing mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally to stay fit? And once I really got those down, I started experiencing— well, first of all, I wanted to share those with everybody. It doesn't take a lot to do something for your mental, physical, spiritual, emotional health on a regular basis. And you know that. I know you know. That's what you preach and teach also, and teaching people that it can be easy. So that was my mission. It still is my mission. And then when I started getting really good at it, my energies— I started having so much energy, and I started calling it magic carpet days. And I thought, oh my God, we need to bottle this. I want more people to play with and enjoy the world with. And everybody's got their blinders on, and they're doing and going, and I was almost embarrassed to say I'm taking the afternoon off. So I want to teach people. Now my mission is teaching them how to manage their nervous system and their energy so that they're in a solid, confident, foundational space regardless of what's going on in the world.
Yeah, that's huge. Are you familiar with The Energy Project?
You know, I've heard of it. I've never read the book. It's a book, right? I think it's a book.
I believe it's a book. It's part of a class. It's called Managing Your Energy. Your Time. I actually took the course when I worked at Google many years ago, and it was fascinating. And it definitely sounds like a lot of your work and your mission aligns with that, because it's true. It's, it's the energy that can really allow us to be at our best, to be most productive, to really make an impact. And everybody's energy is different, and it, you know, goes up and down and, you know, all around throughout the day. And so I think to pay attention to that, as you did, doing the work that you did with your mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health, is the key.
So that's the thing I want to —people to know too, I always say, is it's managing those emotions, Reena, you know, as they come and go all day long. And I always say, if you are exhausted at the end of every day and you're not lifting heavy machinery or, you know, you're not doing physical labor, you're emotionally drained because you're not processing your emotions as they come through you during the day. And they just keep getting stuffed and ignored and avoided until you're emotionally exhausted versus going, ah, Oh, my gut just twisted. What was that about? Oh, they just went to lunch and they didn't invite me. Well, okay, that's okay. I don't need to go to lunch with them. Huh? The emotion gets released. So teaching people to release, to see the emotion, name it, and then release it so it doesn't bottleneck.
Absolutely. I mean, what you just outlined there are the physical manifestations of our emotions, right? And they need to move through us in a healthy way. And sometimes it's even, not only stopping and thinking about it, but probably moving your body as well in that moment, right? Maybe it's getting up, taking a walk, and processing what just happened and figuring out why it affected you emotionally. And then to your point, letting it physically exit your body so that you can move on because there's more emotions coming and you have to be prepared to deal with them.
And the movement, I know, you know, you're— it's a power move. So to me, that power move breaks the chain of thoughts, because every thought is an electromagnetic unit of energy that connects, collects another thought just like it, and then another, and then another. And if we don't watch our thoughts or guide our thoughts, the train runs down the track of doom and gloom. So getting up from your desk, like, you know, the power move, going outside, looking at— I always love to just look up at the sky and smile. It just makes me laugh. It makes me feel silly, and it breaks that, you know, that train in your head of thoughts.
Yeah, I mean, that's a great power move right there. And do you have other power moves that you use in your life, whether it's for your health and well-being or in your career or in your personal relationships, that you'd like to share?
So many, really, right now. You know, in my book, in my book that just came out, I talk about Wanda, who's— I always— she's kind of like my my critic, that we have these different people in our heads. And I was— Grace is the angel, you know, angel, devil, coach, critic. And Wanda is fierce. She's a part of me. I love her. She's loud. She's always telling me I'm not good enough. She's telling me those people are going to be mean to me. Don't let— you know, she's just the voice of protection. Uh, so the power move is loving her, seeing her, but saying, Wanda, I know you're trying to protect me, but right now nothing's wrong. It's a sunny day. Nobody's bleeding. I know you're screaming and yelling at my head, but— And then I always say, Grace, what do you think? Because she's the more calm one. And she says, it's okay, Michelle, we're good. You know, so it's managing the power move is who's running the show inside your head. And the line I always like to use is I'm the only one in there, so I'm the boss of me. So when I see this Wanda character, and I've named her specifically because we all have this character in our head, we all have it. It's when we're just not so nice, not so pretty, when the ugly side of us, the shadow, Carl Jung would call it the shadow. But recognizing it helps, and disassociating, so to speak, helps us get back into our heart.
So true. Yeah, I mean, really what you named there, it's almost like a way to manage anxiety, right? 'Cause I would imagine imagine the character Wanda is your form of anxiety. And then your— what was the angel's name again? Grace. Grace. Very fitting, right? Is sort of that, to your point, that voice of reason that allows you to calm your mind and your body down. So she's sort of the mindfulness expert that helps you manage the anxiety, which is so wonderful. Can you share a little bit more about this book and, you know, what readers can expect and what was most exciting for you about writing it?
Yeah, so my first book, I had been giving seminars for 10 years and it wrote itself really quickly. This book took a little bit longer. I think each of us experiences spiritual awakenings throughout our lives. Some are bigger than others. And in the course of the last decade, my first book came out in 2014. What's gone on on our planet has saddened me, right? So I think I went from a place of disbelief that this is how we're behaving as human beings to anger to— first I was in denial, and that's when I realized what really got me through it was when I stopped giving my energy to things I didn't control. In the beginning, it was like, why are they acting out? Why are they hurting each other? Why is everybody hating on each other? And why are we taking sides? And, and then when I said, what do I control? Energy. Emotions are energy. They can't be— energy can't be created or destroyed. It can only be transmuted. So when I focus my attention, focus my energy on what I control, energy's at my service. So I like to say energy's at my service. And then realizing that each of us has this beautiful light inside of us. You know, even I believe even the most hardened criminal is just so disconnected from his light or her light and her heart. That causes them to act out. So to me, it was the light inside us helping us connect with our true highest self and then shining that brighter. So the whole book is, you know, teaching people where to focus their energy, teaching them how to flip the script and recast their role. You know, when Wanda shows up, do you want to be this ugly person, or do you want to be, you know, Grace? And All your emotions are good. You know, they're just guiding you. You want to be angry? Yes, we get to feel angry. Yes, we get to cry our eyes out. I tell people, cry. You can only cry for so long and it stops, but tears have stress hormones in them. So feel those emotions, just don't get stuck in them. And that's what the whole book is about. It's not about masking your emotions or ignoring them. It's about saying, oh my gosh, I'm feeling so angry. Spit and it's okay. But what am I gonna do with this energy? And once I look at it and I go, "God, this is— gosh, this is ugly and I'm just— I'm being ridiculous and I'm really—" And then I'm able to manage it through soothing myself. So it's really a book about self-soothing so that you get to that place of peace and power again.
Yeah, I mean, it really is focusing on the internal self and dealing with the complexities of the world around us because we can't change that, right? There are things, to your point, that are going to happen that are beyond our control, but the more we can help each individual with their own internal inner workings, if we could do that for, you know, when you think about the, the scalability of that one person at a time, but if we can help more people, then maybe that would improve, you know, some of the challenges and complexities that we face as a society in this world today, um, as more people have those tools and can tune in and learn how to self-soothe. So I think it's a very powerful concept and book, and I really hope I hope that people will go out and buy it and it can make an impact and really help them. Because you're right, you have to start with yourself. You can't fix anybody else or fix any other situation that's happening unless you yourself are good from the inside out. And then you might be able to lend your support, but ultimately each individual has to do that work themselves.
Yeah, you're of no good to anyone if your fight and flight is on. Yeah, we've become such a left-brain society that we've lost touch with our heart and emotion and feeling and magic. And I want to bring people together. I always say head, heart, gut, and when those are in alignment, ah, you're so powerful, you're so beautiful, you're so influential. But when you're pushing and, you know, trying to control other people and other— it just gets yucky.
It really can. Yeah, well, I love that. I think it's a wonderful concept. And yeah, it's all interconnected, right? Your brain, your heart, gut, all those different elements of your physical and mental health. So very, very cool. I can't wait to learn more about it and get my copy as well. And would you say— you talked a little bit about 1997 and 1998 in your life. Are there any other years that were just pivotal that, you know, have left a lasting impression on you and really even impact you to this day?
Oh, so many. I was very lucky to have good mentors in my life, I think. I had just really strong women in my life that helped me see what I was capable of. So that happened earlier in my career. And then my divorce was a big one. In fact, I was on the phone with my first husband this morning and I said to him, I think I wanna have you on the podcast with my now husband. And I said, would you do that? And he goes, yes, because people can't believe We have no children together, so we technically have no reason to be in each other's lives. But the pivotal moment when I knew our marriage was over and using my, my positive psychology and my emotional intelligence tools— now they call it, what do they call it? There's a name for it, positive uncoupling. But I never heard that word. But back in the day when I was deciding to leave the marriage, I said to him, I want us to have a spiritual divorce. He said, "What is that?" I said, "I don't know, but we loved each other enough to make a vow, and we don't hate it. We're just not good for each other anymore. You're a good person. So I want us to figure this out in a way that we don't have to hate each other and we don't have to fight and get lawyers." And we did. It took a couple of years for the emotions to settle, but I'm very proud of you know, that time in my life that, you know, even though, you know, everyone was saying to him, oh, she's gonna take it to the cleaners and she's gonna do this, and I'm like, look me in the eye, I love you, I'm not gonna do that for you. So we really worked it through so it was a win-win. And now my husband and him call each other on the phone.
Wow, that's incredible. I mean, how wonderful. I'm so happy for you that you were both able to get to a healthy place and that your ex-husband and your current husband can have their own friendship in some way as well. I mean, that takes a lot of maturity, a lot of emotional intelligence, which I know you teach people to get to that place. And what a great example of a healthy way to just appreciate and be grateful for the different changes that happen in your life, the people that come in and out, and even the people that if they've left in some capacity, that doesn't mean that you have to completely disconnect from them and there's still a place for them in your life. So I'm really happy for you. That's wonderful to hear. Yeah.
And to me, it was the hardest thing I ever did was leaving because it wasn't a horrible marriage. So you're leaving something that he wasn't, you know, he wasn't abusive, he wasn't cheating, but I wasn't happy anymore. We had grown. So to me, that was— you asked me what's one of the most difficult decisions. It was like choosing to leave something that was okay in hopes of finding something that I might not find or might find.
Yeah, definitely. Well, where do you see yourself in 10 years? We are almost, believe it or not, into 2026, um, at the time of this recording. Um, so what do you see happening for you in the next decade? What are you most excited about?
This is why I'm on this earth. So I always make the joke, you know, if you can wheel my wheelchair into my mouth works, I'll still be sharing this message. Uh, so I do, I've been so blessed. I have a life where I always say I work between my trips and my travel. I have a lot of balance in my life, a lot of travel, a lot of fun. And right now it's going to continue on that path. And for me, it's just continuing to reach people, being a guest on podcasts like yours. I already, you know, what's the next book is clicking in my brain. Hopefully it won't take me another decade to write. But, you know, having more books and just sharing this message. And I just, you know, I started this, this path many years ago. And I know a lot of people that started with me that aren't on it anymore. Not that it's right or wrong, but this is my purpose. This is something I can't stop doing if you asked me to stop. I love to read and learn. And then as soon as I read and learn, I can't wait to share it.
Yeah, I full-heartedly agree with you on that, and that resonates with me as well quite a bit. So yeah, I mean, is there anything else you would like to share with our viewers and listeners? Maybe some fun fact about yourself that maybe not a lot of people know?
I think for all of us, we're all so multi-layered, and we put each other in, you know, people in boxes. I'm very— I used to— I tease, I'm sporty Barbie. I ski, I scuba dive, I snow ski, I water ski, I mountain bike. So I do a lot of outdoor sports. I don't know if that's something— you know, people know me as the happiness lady. I think people would be surprised to know I'm not always happy, which is the big joke. I always tease that my husband could write the tell-all because I could be very cranky and I could be very ornery. But what I've learned is it's very temporary and very short-lived. So that's the That's the key.
Yeah, I still think you're walking the talk and you're very honest and authentic because who is happy all the time? Even if you're teaching people to be happy, part of that is to recognize when you're not and be in touch with those emotions to figure out what makes you happy, what doesn't, and what you need to do, what are the tools you need to use to get back to that state.
So that's what I tell my husband, "Wanda's here, so maybe you should get in the other room for a little while." Oh, I love that.
You can add a little humor into it as well, which probably lightens it up for everybody. Well, where can people find you? Where can they purchase the book? Feel free to share all of your info that you'd like to share with everybody. Yeah, thank you.
EnergizeYourHappiness.com is the easiest place to go because you'll bring you right to my website page with the book, and then all my social media is on there. Um, also on LinkedIn— not LinkedIn, I'm on LinkedIn, Michelle Buenafuente Phillips, and I'm on Instagram as Energize with Michelle, which is a brand new Instagram. So Please look at my Instagram, like and follow it. I just started a new one, but energizeyourhappiness.com will get you to my website.
Wonderful. Well, we'll also be— it will be sure to share all of your information in the show notes so people can find you easily. This was such a pleasure, Michelle. I have loved our conversations both online and offline since we first met and I came on your podcast, and I just I wish you all the best in everything that you're doing. I think it's such important, impactful work. And again, thank you so much for being here today. It was an honor to get to have you on the podcast.
Thank you. It was an honor being here.
Yeah. And for anybody listening or watching, please feel free to subscribe, um, leave your comments and ratings, spread the word to your family and friends. Definitely would love to continue to grow our Your Power Move by FashionFit family. Have a wonderful day, and I will be back with another episode soon. Thank you and take care.
