Swimming in a Sea of Change

Hey guys, this is Reena Vokoun, the host of Your Power Move by PassionFit, and I'm so excited to bring to you another solo episode. So in these episodes, I, as I've mentioned in my intro episode, I'll be picking out different topics that I think are relevant to my listeners and viewers. They're wellness-related topics that can just really help you in your personal and professional life. So today's topic is all about dealing with change. I think this time of year, especially it being the fall, a lot of people are dealing with not only the change of season, but if you're a parent out there, you might be dealing with changes with your kids being back in school. If you're in the stage that my husband and I are in, we have our oldest son started college actually a couple of, basically a week ago, and our younger one just started high school last month. So we're experiencing a lot of change in our family, and so I thought it would be nice to kind talk about change and just some feelings around it, how to make the most of it, how to not let it deter you but rather help you to thrive, and some power moves that you can use to really make your changes as productive as possible in your life. So I hope you guys are excited to tune in. Remember to review, rate, and comment on and subscribe to this podcast because I'm excited to continue to get feedback from everybody tuning in. So when it comes to change, according to the American Psychological Association, 72% of adults that were surveyed felt that they're often, um, rethinking their purpose, um, and their values and their lifestyle and things that are happening in their lives whenever they're experiencing any kind of change, whether that be a change in their career, um, in their professional life, um, at, at home, in their personal life, maybe within their household or even their geographic location. Um, change can be really hard for a lot a lot of people. And I think for those that actually are able to go through change in a positive way and really take it in stride are those that just have experience with it. Honestly, change is something that gets easier and easier the more that we do it. And I think that our mindset really plays a real— a big role in how we handle change. I think some of the things that we need to think about are the fact that as humans, we're, we're supposed to change. We're not We're not supposed to stay stagnant. We're supposed to go through different life stages and phases, and that's a natural and normal part of life, even though it can be hard. When we are stagnating, we're not growing as individuals, and that's really when, you know, we're not really able to see our full potential and be at our best selves. So we're gonna talk a little bit about change and again, how best to deal with it. And, you know, I'm gonna share a few personal stories from my own life about how change has been hard for me. But also has helped me in my life. And I think it's also worth noting that sometimes with change, it's change that we are initiating. And in other times it's changes that we aren't necessarily initiating. Things just happen to us. Maybe we didn't plan on it, or it's a change that's happening to somebody else in our life, maybe a close family member or loved one, or even our significant other, which then has, um, a residual effect on us and our lives. So sometimes when you're the one initiating the change, it might be a little bit easier to deal with. And if you are, again, experiencing a change that you hadn't planned on, that can be harder. But nonetheless, change is change whether you initiate it or not, and it's important to really think about how you can best handle it. So for me, in terms of stories, in terms of change in my life, I think again we're experiencing a lot of change right now with our older one for the very first time being on his own in college. And you know, it just— it's, it's hard at first. All of a sudden a piece of your heart has left and is living in potentially different city or state, for some of you who might, may have, you know, children studying out of the country, those are big life changes. And you might feel a sense of emptiness a little bit, you know, with that loved one not being in your household every day. It could change your family dynamics at home because now there's fewer people in the house. Maybe that person had a type of energy that really affected the dynamics of the rest of the family, which is definitely the case with our son. He's the oldest. He and my younger son are the best of friends. Played sports together in the backyard all the time. And, you know, they just brought a lot of energy, the two of them together. And now with my younger one being at home by himself with my husband and myself, we're really trying to keep that energy level up. We're trying to make sure that he, you know, is able to get together with all of his friends. And we're trying to do things with the three of us, but it's not easy and it's different. And we're also trying to stay connected to our older son by talking on the phone or FaceTiming or texting so that we still feel connected to him and his life and all of the new experiences that he's having, and we're also trying to plan visits so that we know when is the next time we're gonna actually see him. So I'm not gonna lie, it has definitely been hard. You know, it's only been a little over a week, but I feel it emotionally. And you know, it's something that, again, I have so much empathy for anybody else that is going through that major life change with sending off a child to college. But again, it's something that I'm just trying to do the best that I can. I'm trying to remember that this is basically a fact of life, and kids do need to grow up and, and go on their own, and we have to embrace that and encourage that and see how we can still keep our connection and our bond, because that unconditional love that you have for your child never goes away, and we're always there to support them. But now it's time to let them kind of lead their lives and make the decisions that they need to on their own, and just be there as a support system and guide them whenever we can. So big change, but something to deal with. Another, you know, example of a change that I experienced very early on in my life is, you know, after I graduated from college, from the University of Wisconsin-Madison, I ended up taking my first job, which I interviewed for and was recruited for out of the school of business, and that was to work in a leadership development program with General Electric, also known as GE. And what that entailed was that my first 2 years out of college, I would be moving every 6 months, and I would be working in different GE businesses in different cross-functional areas and really learning about the different parts of the business. So those first 2 years for me out of college took me from the Midwest, Wisconsin, where I was born and raised, and I went out to the LA area, and then I went to Denver, Colorado, and then I made my way out to the East Coast to the New York, uh, tri-state area, and then back to the West Coast to the San Francisco Bay Area. So I was coast to coast in those first 2 years. I was 22 years old, on my own for the very first time, and it was scary at. It was liberating at times, and I definitely experienced all the different emotions. Um, I was moving to cities where I didn't know anybody. I didn't have any relatives or family there. And in some of those rotations, I was living with roommates, but in other ones I was living by myself. Um, and so to be living on your own out of state in a new city where you don't know anyone for the first time in your early 20s can be daunting. But what I really tried to do was take it upon myself to see it as a growth opportunity and a challenge. And I ended up really loving it. And the reason why I took this job was honestly because it was exciting and exhilarating, but it also scared me. And so I wanted to challenge myself and push myself to get out of my comfort zone and experience that so that I could prove honestly to myself that I could move anywhere without knowing anybody and make a great life and be able to excel and succeed in my job and my career and make friends and make a life and, you know, find the local grocery store and the local gym and figure out my favorite favorite hiking trail or figure out how to get to the nearest beach and, you know, really enjoy and explore the different cities that I was living in. And I honestly think that that experience really helped make it easier when I met my husband and we got married. We moved across the country from San Francisco to Boston to go to graduate school, and then 2 years later we moved back to the West Coast, and then we moved from Silicon Valley 4 years ago to San Diego with our kids. So for me, after going through that first 2 years of, you know, pretty massive change in my life, I really learned how to do it again and again. And not to say that change is easy, even when you've been through it multiple times in your life, um, it still is hard and it's something that you do have to go through. But I think, again, as I was saying earlier, having that experience, that life experience, especially at a young age, really does help so that you aren't afraid of it as much with every new change that you have. And in this case, for me, every new move that I made for my personal and professional life. And I'm a child of immigrant parents from India. So my parents experienced one of the biggest changes of all when they moved to this country, to the U.S. from India, many, many years ago, back in 1970, and left their families, left their jobs and careers and the home, the only home that they knew, to come to a new country and literally start all over and build a family and build a home and build careers, go to graduate school and all the different things that they experienced. So I'm really lucky and thankful that I was able to gain their wisdom and learn from them them, um, again, being immigrants to the United States. And I was able to apply that as a first-generation born in the U.S. to my life, and I've never taken that for granted even to this day. So I will say, um, you know, I think one of the biggest deterrents to change is that it's uncomfortable, right? And it makes us feel, um, like we're just in a new territory that we've never been in, and that can make us question everything about ourselves, about our lives, about our purpose. We can tend to feel lost. I've definitely felt along the way in different changes and stages of my life. And so I think the first thing is just to recognize it and allow yourself to feel whatever feelings and emotions you are feeling, because that's normal and that's natural. I think if we try to ignore our feelings and just push through, they're going to find their way back out anyway. They're gonna come out in different ways, whether it's in our stress levels, whether it's in our moods, whether it's in our breakdown in communication with our, you know, family and friends, our performance at work, or in school. So rather than letting it hinder you and hurt you in various areas of your life, just allow yourself to go through those feelings. Maybe it's a feeling of grief. Maybe it's a feeling of, you know, just yearning for what the way things were. And that's okay. That's part of being human. And we're allowed to feel those feelings. And we should feel those feelings because it's healthy. And once we get through that period and we understand why we're feeling the way that we are, then we can really start to shift our mindset view the change as more of an opportunity rather than a threat. We can approach that change with courage rather than fear, and we can really look at it as an opportunity for growth and development, and it could, you know, produce outcomes beyond our wildest imaginations versus something that has to be seen as a negative or all doom and gloom. Because at the end of the day, whatever changes we go through in life, I'm a firm believer that those changes are supposed to happen. We're supposed to experience these different things, and wherever life takes us on that journey— I believe in fate and destiny, and, and that's where we're meant to be in that moment in our life. And maybe then we may, on our journey of life, go to a different place or a different situation. So, you know, just have faith in the journey that you're on and allow yourself to take that journey freely. And again, get through those tough feelings and try your best to overcome the those fears, because at the end of the day, you're just going to be a stronger person for it. So when it comes to power moves, when you are dealing with change, um, here are a couple to really think about. First of all, think about why the change is causing you discomfort. Um, and it kind of goes hand in hand with letting yourself feel the feelings, but beyond just feeling the feelings and sort of accept— accepting them at face value, try to understand them. Where are they coming from? Why are you feeling that sense of discomfort? Is it something that may be changing your perceptions of the world? Is it, you know, a fear of change in your identity, a fear of change in your relationships or the way things used to be, or maybe that you may not be able to perform as well in a new job or a new school or a new situation that you're in, whatever that is, that fear of failure, that fear of the unknown, understand it deeply so that you know why you're feeling that sense of discomfort. Once you have that understanding, that's when you can really start to make those mindset shifts that we were talking about. So then that other power move is to really think about, okay, how can I shift my mindset and view this change as necessary? Um, in most cases it probably is. And how can this actually help me in my life to learn and grow? And when you come at it with an open mind and an open heart, um, and you have a wider lens, lens of that change, it's just gonna help you to, again, embrace it and really make the most of it. Um, another power move that you could take, this is the third one, um, is to look at what is the best case scenario and the worst case scenario of this change. Because with every change, there are going to be pros and cons. There are gonna be things that you like about the change and things that you don't like about the change. For example, if you're moving to a new city, um, you might like many aspects of the city. Maybe, um, you really enjoy, um, the energy of the city. Theater and museums and the great restaurants and all the different, you know, people that you're gonna meet. But maybe a negative might be the weather in that city or something of that nature, or it's a 3-hour time difference from your loved ones at home. So is that going to potentially affect your communication with the people you care about? So those are just some examples, but whatever it is, just think about the best case and the worst case scenarios, because then you're prepared for them and you can figure out how you can deal with that, right? If it's the weather, okay, you might need to invest in, you know, a warmer coat and some boots. If there's a time zone difference, make sure to plan out with your loved ones when you're going to communicate over phone or text or FaceTime so that you can make sure to keep those relationships intact. And once you have a plan in place to deal with some of those worst-case scenarios, which let's be honest, that's what we fear the most, then it won't be so scary and it won't be so daunting anymore. Once you've done that, it's really time to just take on the change with confidence and take action. Because oftentimes when we are in a changing situation, it causes us to just sort of stop in our tracks. And sometimes we just cannot get motivated. We can't put one foot in front of the other because the change is so daunting. Again, that's where the power moves really do come in. Again, if you've looked at why the change is making you feel this sense of discomfort, you understand, you know, best and worst case scenarios, you shift your mind mindset, um, and then you go for it. Um, you know, taking that first step, um, towards that change is gonna help you to then continue down that path and really embrace it and hopefully thrive in it over time. Um, and I will say that change does take time. Um, you are not gonna snap your fingers and overnight be fully, um, locked into the change and thriving from day one. It does take time and you're still gonna probably have those lingering feelings of fear and of doubts and all of those things. But again, that's part of being human. That is normal. We all go through it. And I think, again, the best thing to remember is that it's the, it's the long game, right? It's the, it's the journey. It's not getting to a specific point, but allowing yourself to go through that journey of change and explore your new surroundings or your new situation and recognize that you may take a few steps back, but you want to just keep taking those steps forward so that ultimately you are moving forward in your life. You are growing and learning from the change. And then the next time around, when you're faced with another major life change, you've got these tools and these experiences and this wisdom to draw upon. And even the feelings that you feel, even if they're uncomfortable, will be familiar because you've been there before, and you'll be in a better place to deal with them. And the last thing that I'll say about dealing with change is to really remember, uh, um, to focus on your wellness. Let wellness be your guide and your— one of your major tools that you use to, um, go through the change again in a healthy way. So not only are you paying attention to your feelings and your mindset and all of those things, but you're also hopefully eating well, nourishing your body, fueling your body, resting and getting enough sleep, and also getting a lot of movement, um, and keeping yourself energized and active and building that stamina so that you can also go through this, the, the different changes in your life. The mental and physical and emotional parts of our health and wellbeing are all interconnected. Um, and so it is important to remember that and remind yourself of those healthy life practices, those wellness practices, so that you can truly be at your best when you're going through that change. I think when we go through change, that is the time when, again, a lot of our wellness practices can go out the window, but that is the time when we need them most, because that can at least be something that is stable, something that we can actually control in a situation that's changing all around us. So you can control your workouts, you can control your sleep times. Hopefully you can control how you're fueling your body, and you can control how you're managing your stress, whether it's through mindfulness practices or other things. So really think about the wellness piece as well and take care of yourself so that you can really take on that change with confidence and security and health and wellbeing. So with that, I'm going to sign off, um, on our latest solo episode on dealing with change. Um, again, remember to subscribe if you haven't already, rate and review, and I can't wait to come back to you with another guest episode next. So stay tuned and thanks so much. Take care.