Consumer vs. Contributor Mindset: How Parents Shape Stronger Communities

Hello everybody, and welcome to another episode of the Parent Whisperer podcast. I'm Richard Ramos, your host, and today I want to share with you this ongoing theme that I've been really thinking about and trying to give a bigger picture of what impact Parents on a Mission is having, or at least intended to have. All of us as parents were concerned about our kids and our family, which is Of course, the priority, but it goes beyond that really. And I'm hoping to encourage you as parents to see the bigger picture. So I want to talk about the larger community, this idea of some of the notes that I've been writing down here, contributing citizenship versus a consumer citizenship. That's a different mindset when you're thinking about how can I contribute to the community? What can I do for the community? Where can I strengthen the community and benefit the community versus what can the community do for me? Where are the services for me? Where's the help for me and my kids? And of course, part of it, all of us benefit from the services. That's nothing wrong with that. But I'm just talking about a certain mindset. And as I say all the time in Parents on a Mission to parents, that yes, we are raising our children, but we are also raising citizens of the community. And essentially, if you think about it, those of us who have small children are really just us parents who now our children might be a little older. They're the future. And as I say in Parents on a Mission, the youth are not our future. Parents on a Mission are, because we can't just leave children to themselves without shaping their character, without developing who they really are, without helping them discover their true and full potential. And that's why I use the metaphor of the gardener and the flowers, because anybody that works with a garden or flowers, you No, you cannot leave the garden, the flowers to themselves. So the future of the flowers, you could say the flowers, the seeds that I planted today, those are the flowers of the future. Yes, but you have to take care of those seeds. And that's the metaphor I always use. Parents, yes, these little children are our children, but they are the future. But who are they becoming? And a lot of that, it has to do with you and I. So this mindset that we plant in them, what I'm calling a consumer mentality versus a contributing mentality, or you could look at it as an entitlement, because a lot of people, they have this entitlement mentality where they feel like they're owed something. The government owes me, the school owes me something, my parents owe me this and that. As opposed to a contributing mentality, a servant leadership type of mentality. And that's going to come from the leadership that we provide our children, an understanding that we're not the center of the world. The world does not revolve around us. And when you're raising children who think that way, that's how we get to the bigger picture. of having a healthy and safe community. So a few of my notes here: communities flourish when people begin seeing themselves as contributors and not just consumers. And one of the greatest misconceptions we hold is believing that someone else will build the community that we want. Let me tell you, parents, nobody's going to come and save your kids. Okay, we can't— you can't wait for the hero on the white horse coming to save your children, or however you want to look at it, whatever metaphor you want to use. No one's gonna do it. We have to do it for ourselves. We can't depend on the school, on the government, On particular people in authority, politicians, psychologists, psychiatrists. Those people can help, but they're not going to really save, so to speak, what's going on in your home. They can help, but it's you and I. You and I as mom and dad, as parents, stepparents, single parents, divorced parents, or whatever situation you're in. We're the ones that got to pick up the ball. We're the ones who got to make it happen. We're the ones that got to save, help, assist, contribute to, build, shape our kids. And I'm talking about today this idea of an entitlement mentality or a consumer mentality— what's in it for me mentality— versus what can I do to serve other people? What can I do to contribute to my family? What can I do to contribute to my mom, my dad, my brother, my sisters, my neighbors, The school and on. See, the truth is that communities are being built by the choices we as individuals make every day. And usually we have this, this big idea that something great, something big has to happen in order for the society Or the community or the neighborhood to all of a sudden get better. When in reality, what it comes down to is you and I on a daily basis and how we are making decisions that are affecting other people. Maybe an act of kindness. Just things that we all drive, or most of us drive. It's just things like you see somebody trying to get in, coming out of a driveway, and there's all kinds of traffic, or you're in traffic and somebody needs to get over. But the person does, or if it's you, and because I've experienced this many times, they don't let you in. It's like, don't you see me? How is it really gonna hurt you to just let me get in? You can see that there's all kinds of traffic and I'm trying to get in so I can get out of the, where I'm coming out of a driveway or something like that. That's just a simple example of an act of kindness. Letting other people go first, if you're getting in line, and just those kinds of things. Having honest, open, transparent conversations with your children, for example. All the investments that you make in your children and/or other people, those kinds of things are what's building the community all the time. And when we're strengthening, again, you can look at our family. When you strengthen your family, You're not just strengthening your family; you're strengthening the whole community because the community does not build your family. You are building the community by what you're doing in your home. And again, I'm talking about having a mindset, building in our children this mindset of contribution, of servant leadership, of service to other people. So Parents on a Mission, we're not just giving you parent information, how to parent your children. Of course, that's part of what we're doing, but we're also trying to develop leaders in the home and eventually leaders who can develop and mentor other leaders. If you're familiar with Parents on a Mission, you know that part of The growth of it is that I mentor, I certify, I train in a three-day training other parents to teach my curriculum to other parents, and that way I'm everybody's not dependent on me. I'm developing other leaders to develop other leaders, and on it goes. So now we have the leadership in the home, and we're not depending on looking at other again. I as I always say, the other the police. The principals of schools, the politicians, the psychologists and psych— psychologists and those kinds of things. Again, I'm not putting it down. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying we don't need them. We need parent leaders as well, and that really is the crux of what Parents on Mission is really all about. History reminds us that lasting change It's what we're talking about. Rarely begins with the majority. It's not like, okay everybody, let's all get together and make a decision that we're going to have a safer and a better and healthier community. That's not usually how it works. It usually just starts with one individual, with one person, or maybe a couple of people, one family. That decides they want to break a destructive cycle or generational curse, if you'd like to call it that. One teacher who believes in a struggling student that other people have rejected. One mentor who refuses to give up on somebody that they're mentoring, but yet maybe they're failing, backsliding, but yet they don't give up on them. Just that one individual, one executive director that's running a nonprofit organization, but they understand that they need to create a healthy culture in that organization so that the people in the organization can flourish, can develop, can expand, can have opportunity, and then that then filters onto the bigger community. So, but it just starts with one. Individual doing those kinds of things. It doesn't have to be this mass movement at one time. That's why I like to share this one thought that I've had for a long time that has shaped a lot of what I do, a lot of this work, this Parents on a Mission, Youth on a Mission. And that is that it does not take a village to raise a child. But one child can raise up a whole village. Think about that. You may have heard me say that before. Repetition is the mother of all learning. It does not take a village to raise a child. It just takes good parents to raise a child. The village is there to help, not control. And that is one of my Concerns is that I see the village, the education system, the government taking control, trying to take control from parents, usurping the authority of parents, putting parents on the side, having secrets from the parents, things like that. So it doesn't take the village to raise my children. I'm raising my children. I raised my children. I didn't depend on the school. I didn't depend on the Coach, the teacher, the pastor, the president— depend on them. I received their help, but I did not depend on them. I raised my children. Mom and Dad, you are in the best position to raise your children. It doesn't take a village, but my message is the other side of that, what I said. But one child can raise up a whole village. We've learned that from history. You never know. Who your son's going to become, who your daughter might become, and if you're a mentor of other people's children, you never know who that gang member, who that drug addict, who that young girl that's misdirected. You never know that guy coming out of prison, out of jail, out of juvenile hall, that dropout of school person, who they might become. One person, and because of you as one person investing in the life of that one person, you never know who they might become. Now, how do I know this? Why do I make such an emphasis of that? Because I've done it. Not to brag, but I've done it. That gang member that changed your life. Girl and guy, that ex-con, the juvenile hall kid, the troublemaker, the bully, the dropout, the lonely person, the rejected. I've done it, and I've seen their life change. And not only their life, but them go on to have influence on other people's lives and be a light and be an encouragement to other people, and they have a great story. I call it Destiny and the Power of One, because all our life we've been taught that 1+ 1= 2. But I'm here to tell you that 1+ 1 can explode far beyond 2, far beyond. And destiny, meaning that your life was meant to intersect, to connect, to meet somebody that today, right now, you don't even know them. They don't know you. But somehow life brings us together. And because of that connection, many other people are benefited from it. Again, how do I know that? Because I'm— I've lived it and I'm living it. I continue to meet people. I did not know them. They did not know me. Yet we come together and organizations are created. Other organizations are reached. Other people are reached. I mentor some and then they mentor others. I develop parent leaders and they develop others. And it just goes on and on. And I want to encourage you today in that message because we are creating a safer and a healthy community. We are not waiting for the government or anybody else to come and do it for us. And part of it is this idea of what I'm talking about, of developing leaders, developing children, developing others, and demonstrating and being the kind of person, the citizens, the citizen mindset that I am a contributor to the community. Not what is in it, what's in it for me, and who's going to fix this, but rather what can I do to contribute to the solution of whatever issue that I might be interested in. The consumer mind versus a contributing mind— that is what creates the, the healthy community. Let me read a few of these things that I wrote down here. Contributing citizens take responsibility for their community. Consumer citizens primarily expect others to take responsibility. A consumer mindset sees community primarily as a provider of benefits, services, and opportunities. And when something goes wrong, the immediate question is, who's responsible for fixing this? Versus, what can I do? A contributing mindset recognizes that citizenship carries responsibilities alongside our rights. So here's 3, 3 ideas you can think about. Number 1, Healthy communities require citizens who see themselves as stakeholders, not merely recipients of services. So in Parents on a Mission, what I would say to you is, as you, you can't expect that kind of mentality from your children if you're not demonstrating it. If you're always complaining and moaning and griping about things, but yet you don't do— you don't get up and contribute and do anything about it, your kids are going to be the same way. A second thing, government, nonprofits, schools, and churches cannot substitute for the personal responsibility of citizens. So again, it's— that's the— let the government take care of it. Let the school, the nonprofit organization, let the churches. Isn't that their job? What are churches and schools and nonprofits and governments made up of? Citizens of people, and therefore, as a member of a church or a nonprofit or a government entity, or whatever it is, a family, I have a responsibility to contribute to whatever the issue is. And a third thing is that ownership begins when people stop asking only what is wrong with their community. And start asking what they can do to strengthen it. Contributing citizens help create the community they want to live in. Wow! Imagine that kind of idea. Really? Come on, guys. That is just you say, Richard. That's common sense. I know, but common sense isn't common practice, is it? Consumer citizens primarily participate in what others create. How does that make you feel? You create something and you're happy that it's benefiting and serving other people, but is that the— how about reciprocation? Consumer communities can become dependent. This is what we don't want for our kids, guys. Consumer communities can become dependent on institutions and professional service providers to produce Solutions. Who's going to fix my kids? Who's going to fix my money problems? Who's going to fix my health? Who's going to fix my marriage? On and on. Versus what do I need to do? And look within myself, look in the mirror, take accountability and responsibility for what I can do. I think by— you get my point by now. And as far as effective community leadership, we're not only delivering programs. That's good. I've done that. But also, I am wanting to create and develop individuals who can carry forth whatever program I've created, so that people are not just dependent on me as the creator. of that community or that community service, but I'm developing other people. That is effective leadership, creating opportunity for people to become part of the solution. So another question. Think about this. Are our institutions, the ones I've named, Developing the capacity of citizens to contribute, or unintentionally teaching them to remain dependent on services. Remain dependent. And I'm saying to you, mom and dad, and this is one of my main messages in Parents on a Mission, is I believe it's the latter, that our children are being programmed To become dependent on government, to become dependent on everything else except themselves. That's what I'm saying. Now, I think in in other episodes I've provided information on that, and I certainly can do that. And you may not want to accept that fine, but that's what I'm saying. The messaging that we are receiving from all over the place— social media, radio, television, the news, the government— everything is causing people to look to the government and depend on them. And like I said already at the beginning of this message, nobody's going to come and save your family. Nobody's going to come and save your children. Nobody's going to come and save your marriage. We need to take responsibility and do what we can do as individuals to help our children, help our marriage, help our schools, help our government, help our churches, and whatever other institution that is part of the community, and that we are serving them. We are not depending on them. I don't know if you're hearing all this background noise. I hope you're not, but if you are. Just bear with me. I apologize for that. Another thing, this is a mindset of stewardship. As another way of saying this, stewardship versus self-interest. Contributing citizens consider what they're leaving behind. Now that speaks to legacy. And as a parent, we're always encouraging parents. We have this exercise in Parents on a Mission that it has to do with legacy. And that we're concerned not only for our life right now, but what are we leaving behind when we're gone? What are we leaving to our children, our grandchildren, etc.? A consumer mindset tends to measure community success by immediate personal benefits. You see the difference there? Immediate personal benefit versus what am I building for the future legacy of leaving my children, grandchildren, and other people in the community. A stewardship mindset considers the long-term well-being of people, families, institutions, and future generations. Contributing citizens understand that their influence, their resources, their relationships and opportunities are not simply possessions to enjoy, but responsibilities. To steward. So, what kind of community are we leaving to the next generation, and what are we doing today to make it stronger? That is really where I want you to focus your thoughts, even when it comes to raising your own children. But today, I just wanted to give you an understanding of the bigger picture of parents on a mission. That that's the goal. Developing other leaders, developing our children, developing this mindset that we are not just taking, taking, but we are thinking about the future. And what is it that we are leaving for the future, our posterity, etc.? And so I want to end with this, a couple of thoughts here that I have here. If every citizen approached their community with the question, who becomes better because I'm here? What kind of community would that create? Let me say it one more time. If we thought of ourselves as stewards and asked that question, How was the community improved because I was here, or I am here? Or if you put it in the present, how is the community, the neighborhood, whatever you're part of, better because I'm here? And then future, how is it better because I was here? What did I do? And of course, the best treasure, if we're parents, it's our kids. That's what we're leaving to the next generation to improve the community. Raising responsible, obedient, loving, kind, patient children, and whatever other adjective you want to use— respectful, compassionate contributors. So I just hope you're getting the bigger picture here. I want to help you as a mom and dad. I want to help parents, of course. But there's—it's not just about you and your family. It's not just about me and my family. It's about the larger community. I don't have to tell you we have a lot of problems in this country—a lot of problems. Whether we want to talk about drugs, whether we want to talk about violence, crime, human trafficking, corruption at the highest levels of every entity you could talk about, from government to churches to education, etc. I don't think that that's not news to any one of us. But we can do something about it. And what POM is focused on, and what I've been trying to get more people focused on—one of my main again themes or messages—is the roots produce the fruits. And I've been trying to get. Communities, political leaders, people in authority, people that have power, people that are making decisions and policies and have the purse strings that can do something to help the community, because that's what they're supposed to be doing anyway. That's a whole nother subject. That they will start focusing on the root of the problem. Let me repeat it again. Communities. So many communities have their focus on the wrong thing. They're focused on the problems that rebellious and violent youth create, rather than being focused on the problems that create rebellious and violent youth. That's what I call the roots. So. We are focused on the roots that produce the fruits of communities with healthy contributing citizens. That's the goal. That's the crux and the essence of what Parents on a Mission is all about. And so again, the, my favorite quote by Henry David Thoreau that changed my whole trajectory and my own focus when I was trying to help and solve problems of youth and problems of community. He said, for every 1,000 men that are hacking at the leaves of evil, one is striking at the root. And what I've been saying is, we got to change that. It can't just be one. It has to be many more people working at the root of the problem. I say that's in the home, started in the heart, and that's what Parents on a Mission is all about. And I would love you to join me and join my team. So remember, this is the Parent Whisperer podcast. I'm Richard Ramos, and I would love you to go to my website, richardrramos.com. Look at the resources that I have there for you. Some— many of them are free. My books are there, but I also have an online course. Where you can take the online course, learn all the principles of Parents on a Mission, and become that leader just starting in your home. Now, if you want to become a certified Parents on a Mission leader and join my team of all the Parents on a Mission leaders that I've trained all over the country and in 3 different other countries, you can sign up there also. Just click the tab where it says Courses, and it'll say Certified POM Leadership. You click on that, and then you can join the waitlist. And when I'm doing another training, you'll be notified. So that's my message for today. I hope you're hearing, if you're catching what I'm saying. And please share these messages. Do me a favor, subscribe, leave a review. And if you have any questions, please send them to me. I would be happy to Answer, and also I want to point out something I forget to point out on my website at the very bottom right-hand corner. There's a little orange bubble. If you go there, Richard R. Ramos dot com to my website, and you click on that bubble, you can ask me any question you want about parents on a mission, about leadership, about parenting, about all the things I talk about, and it will. Answer as if you're talking to me. So that's another thing you you can do as well. All right, that's it for today. Thank you for listening, and always remember, mom and dad, parents on a mission is not for bad parents. It's for good parents like you who just want to get better. See you next time.