Escaped from Human Trafficking with Lena Cebula

Hello everybody and welcome back to the Parent Whisperer podcast. I'm Richard R Ramos, your host, and today I have a special guest, a new friend that I've met, and I'm excited to share her story with you, or I'm excited for her to share her story with you. But I'm excited to introduce you to her. Her name is, um, uh, let me see, let me get to my information. Lina is somebody I recently met, Lina Sebula, and what she does is she is a wife, she's a mother of 3, she's a certified Christian leadership coach and founder of Love and Be Loved a faith-based coaching and wellness platform. And what she does is she helps Christian working moms and all moms, but Christian working moms manage stress so they can respond with grace, strengthen their faith and wellbeing, improve their environment, and leave— this is the part I love, I love this— leave a legacy of peace for their children. So what more can we ask for? Alina, Thank you for your time. Welcome to the program. Please introduce yourself, tell us your story, and tell us how you came to do the work that you're now doing.

Yes, thank you so much, Richard R Ramos, for actually inviting me for this, uh, to this platform. It's my honor and privilege to share my story. And, uh, honestly, guys, I would never have imagined that after 20 years of silence, This is what I would be doing, and I would be standing on stage in front of hundreds of people, and my story gonna be all over social media, on podcasts, TV, radio. And in the past, I was afraid of judgment and rejection. So I was, I thought my story was of guilt, shame, and condemnation, but now I know that this is a story of God's salvation, of overcoming adversity and thriving after trauma. So, and I hope and pray it's gonna serve you and give you hope. So a little bit about myself. I was born and raised in Ukraine. Well, actually I was born and raised in USSR and we resided in Ukraine. So in '91, Ukraine claimed the independence. And I end up being right in the middle of Ukraine in a Russian city. So now I feel like I'm a person with no country because the country fall apart. But I came from Ukraine.

We adopt you. You have a country. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah.

I'm, I'm a child of God. So, um, my parents already struggle in their marriage and they became an alcoholic and lost well-paid job while this country fall apart. My Parents' marriage was falling apart. And at our home, the government turned off the electricity and hot water for outstanding bills. And I was hungry all the time. I was literally starving. And Richard, we talk about little bit before starting the recording when really broke your heart when you went and saw your students' environment.

Yes.

So This would really probably traumatize you if you would come to my home because there was no electricity, no hot water, and it was, my home was infested with black mold, cockroaches, mice, and we really struggle in poverty trying to survive. And we were talking about how much impact this environment create on the kids because of the parents going through this struggle. So I was raised in a home full of strangers who brought booze and drugs, but they actually brought food too. So I was hanging around, just was thinking that I can eat something.

Right.

So my parents wasn't protecting me. Nobody really did anything. And I became an easy target for those guys. And I actually was raped and, um, in the basement of our apartment, new birth, um, time. So when I thought things couldn't get any worse, one month before my 15th birthday, I woke up with severe abdominal pain and I was scared and confused only to realize that I was actually in labor. So I didn't know I was pregnant. And I didn't know who her father was. My baby girl died 3 months later from health complications, and I buried her when I was 15. I carried her little casket in a cemetery in my arms, and for the next 20 years, this image has plagued my mind and my soul.

I'm so sorry to hear— I'm so sorry to hear that.

Absolutely. And it was so heartbreaking. And now I have like goosebumps now when I'm a mother with 3 kids and I have 18-year-old living in my house. So that, and now 14-year-old twins gonna be next month. And I'm thinking, so I was that age, you know, in between that teenage years, but nobody, nobody came to me in the hospital and offer me condolences or, or like any kind of support. I'm not thinking, I think in therapy, there was like no therapy, but that the point is like young kid, like teenager had a baby, the baby passed away and nobody cared. Like literally no adult would like, I don't know, social services, something, do something.

Now this was, but this was in Ukraine.

Yes, and it was in that time when the country was like in a mess. So I do understand they tried to like establish new government, new rules, new stuff like that. But like lots of people went through, you know, really horrible situation and was neglected. So of course, like I suffer with depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and I start using alcohol and drugs to medicate my pain. And I turned to heroin because it was better to be high than like, you know, feeling like worthless, hopeless, abandoned, and so broken. And at such a young age too. So the years went by. I saw people dying around me who went to jail. Like next 3 years, I hardly remember anything. I never, per se wanted to end my life, but I remember clearly I had those thoughts thinking, you know what, if I'm not wake up tomorrow, it's gonna be fine, you know, because nobody, nobody cares. Nobody gonna look for me. Nobody gonna be sad for me. So I thought, it's okay. This is my life. This is my lot. There's nothing more. And it can end and it's not gonna make any difference. And I knew that it doesn't have no worth, no value, not to me, not to anyone else. So, but then there was a moment when I saw these people just keep dying around me and I almost have like this awareness and awakening. And I didn't think about that time, but now I'm Christian. I give my life to Christ when I was 31 and I I specifically like saw this, like, I have this thought in my mind that was saying, you've been made for more. And it was so bizarre because like, what more? I was like street junkie. I was homeless by that time. My parents kicked me out when I was 16. There was like, there was nothing. There was like no dreams or hopes for people like me. So that thought was like so out of whack. I'm thinking, okay. And with that kind of like came some kind of like desperation and despair and then this desire to change my life. And I start looking for a change. So, oh my goodness, guys, like literally when I met this lady, I thought it was like this just miracle, you know, she looked like a celebrity. She brought me to her house, she offered me fancy coffee and sweets, and I was so impressed. And she was wealthy and loving and compassionate, and I felt wonderful and safe because for a long time nobody really treats me like a human being. So that's kind of like, like, let all my guards down because somebody cared, because that's what I needed. And I didn't know that time that she actually gonna be a villain in my story. She told me that she would be able to find me a job. There was like no really specific, just a job. So she was so good to me. So without much thoughts, I accepted, eager to see.

Of course, of course.

Her team went to work. They cleaned me up. They did my hair. First time in a hair salon. And I was like, oh my gosh. I was like, it was so cool, my life is changing. And there was like this glimpse of hope. And I still was doing heroin, so I was still doing drugs, on heavy drugs. I vaguely remember, I report how I got through customs, I will never know. I just one morning wake up and I hear this prayer, Allahu Akbar. Ran out, and I was so confused and terrified because I was in a foreign country, right?

Yeah. So, right, yeah, I woke up and I realized that, yeah, you were with some Muslims, obviously. Yeah.

And now, um, literally took me a while to realize that this woman sold me into human trafficking.

You know that? And that's often what they do, don't they? They find the vulnerable, they find the broken, they find the needy, and then they just bless you with the— or not bless you, but give you and give you and be, hey, I'm here for you. And they just really manipulate people like that. This has happened so, so much. By the way, I wanted to ask you before you continue, do you know a woman named, uh, Juliet Engel?

I don't think so.

Her book, Angels Over Moscow?

And no, I don't think so.

Oh, she has very similar but even terrible story of being a human trafficker, etc. But she also created an organization in Russia, in Moscow, where she was saving young women like yourself. So I just thought maybe you had heard of it.

Yeah, thank you for sharing.

Very powerful story. You probably, if you read it, you would relate to it.

Yeah, I would definitely check it out. And that's why I do believe God allowed us to go through hell like that so we can survive, overcome, and take care of other people. Because I am on the mission now to support moms and make their life better. But the proceeds from my work go to Fight for Freedom, which is the Christian nonprofit that supports survivors of human trafficking. Zonta International, which creates internationally better world for women and girls. So that, that's my passion. So, and it's, I want to add a little bit to what you were saying about how they pick the victims. That's actually called grooming. And they, they found, find that specific need. You know, for me, it was caring. There are like so many different ways that can predator can lure the victims and they will find what is that for you in that moment, uh, need. Sometimes they're looking through social media and then, and they pretend to be a boyfriend, or they, um, looking for something like instabilities in home. It's— and honestly, guys, like I'm telling you right now, being really open and speaking and looking into, uh, this little bit closer Like two things, like I want to tell you. Number one, human trafficking happening, not in some like Ukraine, Moscow, it's happening like everywhere. So it can happen in your backyard. There's people trafficked from their home, your neighbors, like in your neighborhood that you don't know, because if you don't know red flags, you're never going to identify it. This is like so evil. If we could see, like, for example, domestic abuse and violence, you can hear, you can see the consequences. Sequences, you can see the bruises, broken bones. So when you see your family member or neighbor, you right away have this red flag and you like, this is not okay, something is wrong, you know, you need help. But the grooming and the trafficking can fly so much under the radar. I have a lady who I was interviewing on my podcast and she said, Lena, If I would know the red flags, I would know that my cousin was trafficked and she sat with us every Christmas, every Easter, and I saw something wrong, but I did not look, did not ask the questions, and I thought, oh, it is teenage years and stuff, and she actually was trafficked. And another, like, really terrible and evil, like, misconception that we think that trafficker prey on somebody they don't know. In my situation happened like that, but like most of it, like, the percentage is so big, I just don't remember the numbers, but like more than 50% times people trafficked at home by the people that, like, family, like friends, you know, neighbors, which That's right. So bad. So if you have a person in your life, doesn't matter, children, parents, neighbors, friends, if you have a person that the life of the party and they were so exciting and everything was good and then something start happening, they becoming like little bit paranoid and quiet, doesn't want to come to the events of the family or friends. Start canceling, start being quiet. Sometimes we're thinking like our brain find the solution. My brain gonna say, oh, she's tired. Oh, too much work. All this. Always ask questions, like million questions. You know what? Doesn't cost you anything to pick up that phone and say, are you okay? Is everything's okay? I didn't see you. Or why this is happening? Is that— is anyhow like I can help you? Maybe with teenager it's gonna be like, mom, I'm just so tired and overwhelmed with the school, friends, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then you kind of get to the point and you're like, okay, if you need help, I'm available to you. But maybe it's going to be a— you discover some secret boyfriend there. Maybe there's like secret cell phone number. Maybe you will discover they have some kind of like jewelry, new clothes or something. That they cannot afford to buy in their lives. So you have to be so intentional about these changes, you know, and ask questions. Then you're gonna see. Because look, somebody had my documents. I didn't have my passport. Somebody walked me through customs, right?

You didn't even—

another country, and nobody asked questions.

Yeah, I want all of you that are out there listening, please pay attention to what Lina is sharing here, because you know that this is not only in human trafficking, but this is also how sexual abuse takes place by the people that we know. Unfortunately, I know that's hard to hear, but here's the problem and what Lina is encouraging. Normally it's a family member or someone close to someone you would never suspect, But the issue is we are afraid to confront them with questions. We don't want to ask questions, and, and it's uncomfortable, but it needs to be done. So I just wanted to encourage all of you, please take heed to what Lina is saying. Go ahead, Lina. Sorry, I just wanted to make—

Absolutely. And you're right. And you know what I want to add to it? Because now I'm mom of 3 kids And I was like, for me, it was very weird how people sending their kids for sleepovers to their classmates, to whatever stuff. And I was like, because of my trauma, I'm like super vigilant and little bit over-controlling. And we will talk about trauma a bit later, but it's make me like really like stranger danger. So I'm overprotecting of my kids and maybe they complain and fight against this.

That's what my kids used to do. My kids used to always complain.

I cannot hear you, Richard R Ramos.

Oh, how about now?

Yes, yes.

My kids used to always complain about that. I would never let them spend the night anywhere, but now they understand they're all adults.

Oh, absolutely. And I, I didn't let them do it because for my own peace, because I'm like, you have home. You're safe here. I maybe I know your friend, but maybe some parents I know too, but maybe there's crazy brother, uncle, like father, like, you know, you never know until you're actually living with those people. People always like put their best foot forward and, and you don't know. So sending your child, especially like under 5 years old, it was so bizarre for me. Just protect your kiddos. And even if it's teenager, you know, make sure that you know that places that they are are safe and places that you allow them to go are safe. Make sure that you know the parent, make sure that you know the some issues. Listen for those stuff. They can say it like, oh, I met this friend. She's fantastic. I love her. We are like sisters now, blah, blah, blah. But her brother just come back from jail. Okay, the red flag, you know, just, I know sometimes we are so busy and like, I'm not against sleepovers. Listen, you have like family. There's like lots of wonderful people that you can create the memories. If it's possible, be with them, you know, be with the family, with the family. I love those, you know, when my husband comes with my kids, with the family that we like, with the kids. And it's beautiful. So I'm not talking about just like, you know, nobody can get anything, but just use that wisdom and discernment because one wrong time will change your child and your life forever. So I strongly believe better safe than sorry, man. It's so much easier to prevent trafficking, sexual abuse, domestic abuse, whatever it is. It's so easier to do that than recover the person's life after events like that. It takes lots of time, lots of faith, lots of—

how did you—

lots of time.

Yeah, tell us, Lena, go, go there with yourself. How did you, how did you get out? And what is it— I know you're— the process that you're talking about for you, how was that when you finally were able to escape. Is, is that the right word? I don't know.

Yes, absolutely. Well, I finished the story so we can, we can get full scope because it's gonna get worse until it gets better. Okay, so now I'm 18 years old, I'm in, uh, in Egypt. I, I find out that we're in Cairo, Egypt, and then they brought us Actually, there is like whole, whole story. If you guys want to read my book, it's called Miraculous: My Journey from Hell to Heaven. I explained there's in details how like they forced us under the barbed wire through the desert and they brought us into Israel illegally. And then they sold us to different brothels. All those, you know, like if you watch the movies with this dark room, the red velvet couches and the men coming by, like women of— what women? Like we were like 18-year-olds. So I don't think it's— I don't know. I see my 18-year-old, she's still a kid. No matter where you grow up, I don't think like 18 counts as an adult. So, uh, Yeah, and they pick each girl, and it was very important what brothel you end up in because the girls who came with me, they went missing, they died, overdose, raped, killed, like all that stuff. So I actually end up in a family business, and I end up having a bodyguard. So I could not be abused, but it is kind of like— now I am thinking like it is still kind of safety point because nobody could rape me, kill me, and they have to pay. So the craziest part that my bodyguard, that is who shared the Gospel and the love of God with me. And it is so interesting because like if you Christian and you are thinking like, oh my gosh, God cannot use me where I am and all that stuff. I cannot share my testimony because that's what attracted me to this gentleman who talking about God because I'm like, he was so weird. He was just don't fit into that environment. And then you ask like, oh, how is God bring the Christian man in the brothel? Listen, that was like his story, like was amazing. Like he couldn't find a job. He came with his wife and his wife because she was Jewish, she got like all the job promotions and stuff. And he's like, I cannot even find the job. It's so ridiculous. And that only was one job available. So he went there to support the family. But in that, he's like, was sharing the gospel. And later on, this is what's going to bring me to Christ, which is like mind-blowing.

But he was there for you. Yeah.

Like, I always think, like, I have like goosebumps. So What happened is after he shared the story, he gave me like kids' Bible. I never read it, but, uh, was cool how he spoke about God. And that's what really was very interesting because this guy was the same talking to the girls, to the drunk customers, to the bosses. He was like kind of like the same, and he had this, this crazy joy. I'm like, what are you smoking, dude? Because like you are very unique human being. You are like, I never met men like that. Men in my life was drunk, aggressive, vulgar, you know, this masculine, crazy people. And he was just like kind. Like I, up to that point at 18-year-old, like I didn't know what kind was. So I couldn't like figure out what is about him. So then my grandpa had a heart attack. Oh, and little side note, when I was trafficked, they took me from my country. For 3 months, nobody looked for me. So if I would die—

wow—

like that time, like in the desert, nobody would care. So I actually, after 3 months, they allowed me to go home because they already established that I'm not gonna run. But I'm like, Run where?

Back home?

Yeah, like, you know, like, there's like nothing. So, so something like, what is that saying? From two evil, pick, pick one evil.

From something like that, the lesser of two evils.

Yeah, something like that. Oh, and by default, because there was no heroin, I actually went through withdrawals. And I was clean from heroin. So I'm like, okay. So then when my grandpa had heart attack and I find out, uh, this— my bodyguard actually took me to Jerusalem for whole day. And me and his daughter went through, like, literally, it's so bizarre to think that, but I walk everywhere that Jesus walked. So from the brothel to the Wailing Wall.

Wow.

And it was so cool because she was this amazing scholar. Like, she's like young. I don't know even, I don't remember like exactly like her age, but she was very young. But she was so proud. She was telling me like this God stories just like her dad. It's so cool. And when we got to the Wailing Wall, they say, okay, just have to pray. I'm like, what is this pray? But, um, I actually put my hands on the Wailing Wall and I pray for my grandfather's life.

Wow.

And he was spared because he was in a coma from a heart attack, and the doctor said, you need a miracle. And I'm like, okay, I'll get you a miracle because he's talking about this God that creates the miracles. So let's see. But my point was, in all of this, because closer and closer I came to that wall, all my dark deeds flashed before my eyes. I was like, prostitute, alcoholic, drug addict, you know, I had abortions, like, I was stealing and drinking and smoking and sold stuff. And then now I'm coming to this omnipotent God, ask him for favor, but I literally just anchor into, like, do this for my grandfather. I know I don't deserve mercy, like, but do this for him because I know, like, If he dies, my grandma dies and all this stuff. And it was terrible. And those people, like only two people that I have some kind of like feelings of closeness to. But so interesting that God did hear me and he did answer my prayer. Wow. And not only that, I actually experienced a Holy Spirit encounter, which is like, it was so bizarre because I was saying to my friend, Isn't that supposed to happen when you give your life to Christ? How did the Spirit enter me and have that? Because like I had those experiences later when I become a Christian. I'm like, I know 100% this is what happened to me at that wall. And my friend said that God looking into the heart. So he encounter you in like that future, your future self that you're gonna give your life to him. I'm like, that's so cool. So because I didn't see that, because I just saw who I was and what I was doing, and God just met me where I am, who I am, and told me that he loved me and he showed up for me. So interesting though, that, uh, that's what triggered me to, to leave. So, but that time I was there almost 2 years. Wow. So So, and then another thing, like most cases, you never leave this kind of situation alive unless you have been rescued. But again, it's like almost like 2 years later, they just sent me free and allowed to go back, which is unheard of. I come back to Ukraine and my trusted aunt who I was sending some money, I was thinking, I'm gonna start a new life. I'm gonna buy the apartment, try to have a normal work. Try to figure out this life. And she stole all my money and spent it. And the guy who was like my another bodyguard, who was like a brother to me, he said to me like, they will search you and put you in jail because you don't have a stamp in your passport that they gonna know at customs that you here illegally. So they gonna take all your possessions and all that stuff. So I left him all the jewelry, all the stuff that I accumulated there. I left him because he promised to send it to me. So he stole everything. So I came with nothing again. But before that, you know what's crazy, Richard? They saw my passport. They saw that there's missing, there's like 2 years, almost like this difference in the dates. And they just look at each other. I remember this, like, two young officers, and I just saw this, like, almost smug, this look, and they, like, look at each other and, like, wink to each other. Like, I know that they know.

Yes.

I, like, 100%, I knew in that moment.

Yes.

And I have, like, panic attack. I'm like, this is the time they're gonna arrest me, put me in jail, and do all this stuff. But I was going home, so they're like, just go. And they just sent me.

Again, the grace of God showed up in your life again.

Absolutely. So I came home and I was so heartbroken because I had so much difficulty to trust people. These two people I trusted that they're never gonna do this to me, which is so bizarre after the life I live. Like, I should know better. But I was so betrayed and my brain again spiral into anxiety, into this really anger and madness. So I didn't know what to do. And I found that, that time one of my friend become number one drug dealer in my city. So I just thinking, okay, this is how I gonna get my worth and value. And my fix, and in 3 months, I was on heroin again, and I was right hand of this drug dealer, and I have the job to pay the cops, the mafia. I have so much drugs and money on me, and I had so much influence, and I thought this is going to bring me that worth and value, try to like kind of like the status. Like, you know, I thought like, now they're going to bow to me. Yeah, but there was like still no peace. Like, I was using clean heroin, like those of like 6 people. I knew I'm gonna be like end up on the cemetery, or, um, I gonna end up in jail because like, I like the rumors starts going about the raid because there was like lots of drug addicts in my city. And there's again those thoughts about you were made for more. I'm like, this is so bizarre, but I kind of follow this again. So I literally left my city. And there were guys who moved to Kyiv. They were like ex-dragotic, but then they give their life to Christ, which is like, I just put two and two together that again, that grace of God. So I'm showing up like with this guy's house and slept on the floor and went through like hell of the withdrawals. And people literally don't quit heroin by themselves because it's not like this fancy you see in Hollywood people doing with the IV and vitamins. No, you freaking dying for 7 days. You cannot eat, cannot sleep, like throwing up, sweat. You're like, hair on your like body hurts, hair. And usually what happened that like heart just cannot take it. Usually like you have like brain, heart, like damage, and you just die. That's why people don't quit heroin by themselves, right? So I quit like cold turkey. And before I give my life to Christ, I thought I was like, oh, I'm young, oh, this, this— that's not true. I do believe God saved me because I was made for more. Yes, so that's right. So what happened then when I got clean, I tried to find a normal job, but my My country was a mess and everything was a mess. So then somebody told me about Ken. Oh, that's not what happened. Not somebody told me. I actually went and sold myself again into sex trade because I was actually was planning to come back to Israel. But I think in that time, 9/11 was happening or something like that. So they closed the border so nobody would go there. But, um, I sold myself and they brought me to Canada. So that's how I end up in Canada. Actually was, um, trafficked. So here in Canada, that's where you are now?

You live in Canada?

Yes, that's where I am now. Yes. So I came here, I spoke zero English, and that was one thing because I love to communicate. I don't know how I convince them to send me to school to learn English. And that's where I've learned about the rules, regulation, police, and all that stuff. And because I don't trust them, but here people, newcomers were talking about this resource. So I actually took a risk and I run away and I live in shelters and I learn English from the level zero. And then I got my first job, normal people job, and I've learned how people live in like from 9 to 5, and I have to learn how to behave and how to dress, how to do my makeup in a different way, how to act in different way. But right— oh, and God led me into, cosmetology course. So I finished that and I became a hairstylist. Later on, I opened my hair salon. I'm still working as a hairstylist part-time because I love making women beautiful and confident in the way I look. And my other business, coaching business, I love make women confident and beautiful from inside out, that they do the work. That God helped me to heal through, and I guiding them through those steps so they can be healed and whole and healthy and abundantly wealthy with peace and grace. And but it's all built like on my, my own path and my own journey, and that's how I give back now.

Well, you, uh, Lena, you have a fantastic story, um, Thank you for, for sharing it. And I hope that those of you out there that are listening to this— I know many, many of us have gone through our different trials and trauma and whatever, but it's all about us being able to be the best version of ourself now that we're parents, to be the mother, to be the father, the stepmother, the stepfather that our children need. So, Lena, before we end our conversation, talk about maybe some of the steps or some of the ways that you help the women that you work with.

Absolutely. And I feel, Richard R Ramos, that we have to do part 2. Now I share my story. Okay, maybe in part 2 I will create specifically, you know, we look through some questions that your audience will benefit from, and we actually designed the next one like kind of more like a teaching segment so you can get a little bit more than— I know we're running, uh, like on time.

We still have some time. I want to be— oh, absolutely. But, uh, I'd love to do part 2. Yes. So, um, we still have some time and I, I just want to be respectful of your time.

So, no, absolutely, go ahead. Yes. So, uh, when I maybe started here, before I go into my work because then from my cosmetology course, I actually end up marrying a pastor's kid. So God planted me right in the middle of the Christian family, and we got pregnant very early. And that's where that I wasn't drinking, wasn't smoking, doing drugs, but because the space between me, like, just having my normal life was somewhere like 1.5, like, 2 years. So what was interesting though, I tried to be good wife and mother, but my mind was tormenting me all this past of like feeling not worthy of being wife and mother after everything I've seen, I've done. That time, what is like 20 years ago, we didn't talk about PTSD, we didn't talk about effects of trauma, we didn't talk about postpartum depression. We didn't talk about the marriage of two broken people trying to like make it something out of it, because guess what, my husband not an angel too. Like everybody have their past that they bringing into a relationship. And you're absolutely right, we were talking about this a little bit earlier. Until the person in the family, um, take their own responsibilities and ownership for their thoughts, behavior, feelings and stuff like that. That's the part of the maturity and see that, okay, there's the trigger, there's the trauma. That time we didn't have those words. I just realized like, okay, when he does this, I do this. When I think this, I do that. And it's always negative.

Right.

I didn't know it's trauma. I, and I didn't know that if like I just gonna have my, my idea was if I have healthy relationship, clean home, uh, food all the time, I will be serving to the best of my ability, take care of this baby, everything gonna be good because I give them everything I didn't have. And I thought this is will solve the problem. But it's always external until I realize stuff triggers me, my behavior. Like I'm getting angry because I get scared when like there's dark and my husband's still not home. I have like panic attack. I cannot go outside in the dark. Or like when my daughter had high fever, I literally saw this little casket that I was carried to the cemetery. And I heard the voices like, you know, this baby gonna die, you're gonna end up on drugs, he will kick you out because you worthless and useless mother. And I didn't have any, any support at the time. His family live in US, like my family never have support. So I didn't know about the moms groups or anyone. There was like no social media, no no any moms groups that I can learn about that what I feeling is normal. I just have to have that process to actually have this awareness and actually take the action for that too. But first thing that would happen that make an amazing shift and transformation in me, it is when his family invited me to go to church with them. And when my daughter was 4-year-old, I give my life to Christ. Wow, wow, that was like huge identity shift into who I am. I don't have to be like worthy or deserving his love. He just give it to me freely just because he loves me. And it's like, was like huge transformation in me because nobody give me anything without wanting anything in return. There's like, we're never free gift, you know. So I got salvation And then my husband said to me this, this phrase. He said to me, Lena, you are a good mom, but you are not in control of life and death. God is. So you have this child, you have to do what you can, and the rest of it you cannot think of because you still— whatever it's happened gonna happen, doesn't matter what, what you're gonna do. And it's kind of like gave me so much freedom. That time, like, I did not have as much faith. I just had this belief that, like, wow, okay, so God loves me and He is going to take care of it. And if it is His will, this is going to be His will and kind of on Him. And my husband is not going to kick me out if something happens because he knows that I do my best. And I have to hold on to that. And kind of release the control for her life. And it was such a huge burden off my shoulder, so I could kind of like control my anxiety. So that was identity part. Like, it was huge for me, understanding who you are in Christ instead of allowing the stress, the performance trauma to define you. The second part, like, of my, my program as well that I'm really passionate to teach people. It's the awareness. Awareness is recognizing the thoughts, emotions, habits that keep you stuck and can respond intentionally instead of acting automatically because usually it's negative. Like usually there's like, there's no triggers that I had in my life that they were glorious and for benefit of my family. It's always was bad. And triggers like usually come with the fear, with being, um, running on empty, not to taking care of like your, uh, wellness as well, which is I'm really passionate to talk about the strategies, the faith center and identity. But it's always like about well-being, to concentrate on your emotional wellness. Mental health, physical health, they all, and spiritual health, they also intertwine. So you need to like make sure that, that you paying attention. You don't have to be perfect, but sometimes when you have that, um, I'm, I'm working through different exercises that, that the ladies can look at it and say, oh, okay, now I understand. And then we decide what we can do about it. And the third one, excuse me, the third one is action. Because I do believe God delegate for us to make the moves. God loves when we're actually moving because you can see like, okay, this triggers me, but okay, God, fix me, heal me, move me, do something to me.

Doesn't work.

I'm waiting. Come on. I want to be healed. You want me to be healed? Come on, let's go. Because I do believe God delegate the stuff that we're trying to delegate to him, you know. And it's, um, really we need to take practical biblical steps every day that build healthier habits, stronger relationship, and lasting peace. But sometimes like it gets very overwhelming. It took me, guys, almost 20 years. This is like my life in 20 years What I do through my coaching, I try to get, get you to that faster, better, because I do believe when we surround ourselves with people who can offer the support, it can really shorten the time. I'm not saying that it's going to happen for you like that because like everyone is different. But I know like with the consistency and support with someone who's number one, went through, and I believe I am victorious. I'm not saying that I'm done. There's lots of things that God still working through me, but I kid you not, I'm not the same person that I was 20 years ago. I'm very stable. And literally, I tell you honestly, and it's funny because I was talking to my 18-year-old about it and she was so upset and she's like, why life have to be so hard? And I said to her, listen, I'm 45-year-old. Last year I have complete breakthrough. And this year, like, and by the way, I took so many coaching, therapy, psychotherapies, nutritionist, health coaches, life coaching. This is was my life because I want to be better for myself, for my family. I want to create better environment. And because I saw clearly something is wrong with me, and I saw as well, especially like watching Joyce Meyer from the stage talking about her sexual abuse since she was like 3 years old, and this— saw that if she could do it, if she can heal and overcome, I can do it too. So I saw that possibility. So I want to tell you guys, as long as you believe that the transformation is possible, is possible, and it is, because this woman was saying, I'm telling you, it takes time, it takes the resources, trying different things. But this is what I live and this is what I teach, because partner up with God, then partner up with someone who can help you to see and have that awareness about what you're doing, how you're doing. You can figure out this on you by yourself, but having someone beside you to actually teaching already like proven framework, it just save you time and struggle. If somebody come to me 10 years ago and say, Lina, I know what you need. Let's do it. I would go with them. And if, if they told me that today I'm going to be sitting here and this year I have like the most breakthrough, I have this supernatural peace. Like nothing, like, can literally, like, there's moments that I'm just amazed. And guess what? My family is still messy. The teenagers, I have 3 teenagers in the house, 18-year-old and 13-year-old twins. Trust me, next month they're going to be 19 and 14-year-old twins. And it's like, they're going to high school, colleges. They have like their trauma, drama, their boyfriends, their like friends, their rejection. And like, And I'm just making my coffee. I'm like, tell me more. And my heart just in so much peace. And I'm like, I love this life. I truly love this life. And looking back, if like God would say, you know what, I will give you one wish. I can change your life. I can give you good family. I give you like everything your heart desires, the peace, even like peace like this from beginning, and loving husband and beautiful, wonderful children. Anyway, make perfect everything but change your life. I would say no. You know why? Because I love my life. I love who I am now because of everything that happened. You know why? Because now I have compassion for other people. Now I'm humble, like having like all this struggle and have this amazing faith with God because I'm like, oh my gosh, you brought me from here to here, like, and so faithful, like from this pit of despair and like brothels and the addictions and all this stuff. And guess what? My body is healthy, my liver regenerated, my heart is good, my brain is perfect, and I love who I am. And it's not like I'm bragging, like, oh, I'm perfect, blah, blah, blah. No, but I know this transformation, it's possible. And I'm still like work on lots of different like health stuff, you know, that like I like to run the marathon, maybe not running though, but something like, you know, I want to do something like pushing my body, like physically, like go I don't know, that, that's another thing. So I want to go to another level. Maybe that's how I can tell you.

Well, you're gonna, you're gonna tell us in part 2.

Yeah, it's still another level. I'm not saying that I'm arrived, but I just want you to hear my excitement that all the things that I did in my life to try to make it better for me and my family, it happened. Not fast, not miraculously. It was through trying things, like looking at it, like identifying stuff, doing mistakes, come back and all this stuff. I rebuilt relationship with my husband, with my family. And there was a moment that everything was like hanging by a thread, like literally by the thread called Jesus Christ. Because God just keeps saying to me, like, do not leave. Like, you have to stay. And it's interesting though, because this is from the beginning, was like my number one thing, like, to escape. Like, when it's getting hard, when it's too much and stuff. And he's like, oh, you have to stay, you have to stay, you have to trust in me. I will love you, you will love them. And I'm like, I don't have it. He's like, I will love you, you will love them. And that's what happened through all these years. He was so faithful to me. So whatever I would give to other people, he loves me, so I able to give everyone else.

Well, everybody, there you have it. And we certainly will want to have Lena back so we can have a part 2. But what would really help me and help us in the work we do with would be if you would like this video, if you will share this video with so many of the people that you know will be encouraged by her story, and if you leave a review, ask questions that we can ask next time. I would really appreciate that. You've been listening to the Parent Whisperer podcast. I'm Richard Ramos. Remember, you can go to my website, richardrramos.com. My books are there, free resources are there, free chapters from my books are there, uh, and my online course, uh, Parents on a Mission. If you do not have a Parents on a Mission class that you can attend in your city, you can go to my website and the online course is there. And all of this is to just support you and encourage you and inspire you, as I'm sure that you are now that you've heard Lena. And I leave you with the same thing I always leave you with: Parents on a Mission is not for bad parents. It is for good parents who want to get better. Thanks for listening. Lena, thank you for your time, and we'll see all of you guys next time.