Home Field Advantage | Richard R. Ramos

Foreign It's Richard Ramos. Welcome to family leadership and community. And today I want to talk to you about a strategy that I developed years ago when I was counseling young people at a junior high school. And during that time, sometimes parents would come to me and they said, hey, Richard, you know, how can I prevent my little kids from getting involved in some of the things that, you know, their brother or their sister, older brother, older sister were involved in? And at the time, I really didn't have a great answer. I was a young parent myself at the time. And so I used to go home and really think about, you know, what can I really share with these parents who are worried about younger children going down the wrong path as they got older? So as I thought about it and did some reading and research, this is what I came up with, and I want to share it with you. I call it the home field advantage. Now, those of you that know sports, you know what I mean by the home field advantage. Home field advantage means that if you are playing on your home field or court, and the fans and the stands are on your side, most of them are, you know, from your hometown. And sometimes the referees cheat. Just kidding. But, you know, you should have the advantage. And so I took that concept and thought about, you know, when children are first born, they're not into gangs and drugs and sex and. And, you know, all the negative things that our parents. Our parents would worry about. So we have a real opportunity. Now. The research that I did said that from the ages of 12 to 15, that were. That was kind of like the danger zone. That was when kids really began to be influenced. And a lot of the statistics showed that that is when kids would go astray from the ages of 12 to 15. So I thought about that and said, well, if that's true and if parents understood that, then what should be happening in the lives of children from the. From the time of zero, when they're born to 12 years old? Because that gives you, as a mom and dad, a new mom and dad, an opportunity to prepare your child, to work with your child, and basically prepare them for what I call that competition that sooner or later is going to step on your field or they're going to come into the life of your child. So what I did was I broke up this time frame into three basic time frames. And I said, what should be happening in the life of a child from infancy to 2 years old, and then from 2 years old to 5 years old, and then from 5 years old to 12 years old? So that gives us three different time frames. And I thought, okay, what should be happening at those times? So from this stage here, from zero to two, what I call that is the. And what should the role of the parent be during this time? I call that the role of the gardener. Okay? Or some people like the word nurturer. And by the way, I might misspell a word, so just pay attention, you'll get what I'm saying. The role of a gardener. What does a gardener do? Well, basically, if you know anything about plants or growing flowers, things like that, you have to nurture plants. They're not going to stay healthy if you don't nurture them, if you don't water them. And basically, this is what we are doing with little children, little infants, from the moment they come out of the womb, even before they come out of the womb, they're filling everything, they're sensing everything. And even though they can't talk, that little brain of theirs is already picking up signs and messages from us. And that's why, for example, that we want pregnant women to take care of themselves, because we know that that little child in there, everything the mother eats, everything the mother feels, they're feeling it. They hear the voice of the mother, they're acclimated to the voice. And so all of that has to do with nurturing. And when children leave the womb immediately, we can start giving them their self worth. We're nurturing their dignity. We're worthing that you matter. We're nurturing that in them and showing them by holding them, hugging them, by looking at them, by singing to them, by talking to them. All those things that we are doing, all that baby talk and things like that, you're giving them stability. You're giving them emotional stability, emotional security, emotional self worth, all of that is taking place during this time frame. And that's why it's so important that we as parents understand the role of affection. Now, some, you could say, well, affection, Richard, you know, that's just common sense. But remember, common sense is not always common practice. See, I was not an affectionate parent when I first became a parent because my mother was not affectionate with me and my father was not really in my life. So I didn't know how to be affectionate. And my mother told me, you know, later on she felt bad about it because she realized, you know, how important affection was. But she said, you know, my mom and dad were never affectionate with us. So affection and the, the vital role it plays in this time frame and what it's Giving our children is so important. And if you, if you say, you know, Richard, I'm not affectionate, well, here's the good news. You can learn to be affectionate. I learned to be affectionate. I'm very affectionate now, giving hugs and kisses to my children, all as much as I possibly can. And they're all adults, but I have grandchildren. So that time frame is so important for establishing the security, emotional stability, emotional self worth. Even the brain of a child begins to develop immediately. That's why we talk to them, sing to them, read to them. All of those things are developing in those first two years of life. Okay? So then the second time frame, what happens when children in this time frame from 2 to 5, and I call this the role of a trainer. Now, you all know, those of you that are parents, we all know what happens when children turn two. Now they want the world to revolve around them. You know, they want what they want, when they want it, how they want it. And if they don't get it, they're going to whine, they're going to cry, they're going to throw tantrums. You know, you guys know the deal, okay? But see, that's the time where we are starting to teach them, train them about authority and about the fact that we are in charge, not you, and that the world doesn't revolve around you. And we don't say those words to them, but we're telling them, don't do that, don't go there, don't talk that way, stop hitting her, stop biting him. You know, all those kinds of things. And what you're in that role of training that young child. And a lot of times parents abdicate that role, they don't think it's important. They don't realize, you know, how important that training and teaching children to accept no for an answer, dealing with their attitude, you know, just being in that role of authority in their life and giving them boundaries in their life, which are so important. So from 2 to 5, we're in that role of a trainer. And of course we get burned out at times. And you know, we psychologically, sometimes we just want peace and quiet. So, you know, we all, as parents, that happens. But for the most part, we understand what we're doing. We're training our child to understand how to interact socially, how to be obedient, how to be respectful and how to function socially. And that's all learned in the home, okay? And that two to five, those are such important years, okay? And then from five to 12. Now, I call this the role of the coach. And basically, you're like a life coach. Because now you're sending your child out into the world. You're sending them to school, and you're like, on the coach, on the sidelines, watching your child play in the game of life, basically. And now you're talking to teachers, and you want to know how your children, your child's doing, how they're doing in their grades, how they're doing socially, how they're doing in respect to you, the teacher, with neighbors. You want to know, you know, are my children behaving all these kind of things? And at dinner time, you're having those conversations or before they go to bed or whenever it might be. You're basically, like, coaching them because they're not in your care 24, 7. They're out there now. They're at the playground, they're at the park. They're, you know, growing up, you know, 5 to 12 years old. They're getting involved in activities. It might be sports or some other activity. And so you're now in that role of the coach. And these roles really never change. The gardening or the nurturing of the soul, the coaching kids on how to act and finding and developing who they are and things like that. This role right here, you know, that's why it's important not to miss that role. Because when kids get older, it's a little harder. That's a different lesson. But I'm just showing you now these roles. What ends up happening is that you are preparing your children for separation. I call it preparation for separation, for infiltration, not isolation. That's what's happening here. Because we are not raising our children to stay with us for the rest of their life. Our role is to prepare them to get out in the world and establish themselves, become independent of us as a family. Establish their own family, establish their own career, establish themselves as individuals. Preparation for separation and infiltration, not isolation. See, life is a process of separation. Separation from the womb, separation from the home to go to school, for example. Separation in marriage. And finally, separation and death. And that is what we are preparing our children for, that they can get out there and be successful and not give in to all the negativity, all the lifestyles that we want them to avoid. And we're preparing them to be loyal to the family, loyal to our values, obedient to us as parents, respectful to us as parents, so that when they get out there in the world, they can do the same. And the other part of the coaching role is that I'm helping my young child discover who they are so that they're not being told who they are through social media and TikTok and Instagram and the Internet and all the things that are bombarding them with all this information and influence. Movies, magazines, music, all those things. No, I am coaching them and helping them discover who they really are. And then once they've discovered that, then as a coach, parent, coach, I'm helping them develop who they are, their gifts and their talents, and teaching them about providing services and giving back to the community. See, so this is what I call the home field advantage, because you have the advantage during this time frame to be playing all of those roles and preparing your child to be successful, to prepare your child to get out there and be strong as an individual. To know when to say no, to know what the boundaries are, to know where that line is, where they're not going to get involved. And this doesn't mean that your child may never, you know, make a mistake or get off the track for a while. That happens. That happened with my kids. All of them, at one time or another, they've made bad decisions just like I did. But for the most part, what you are putting in them, and this is what I mean by infiltration, what you are putting in them, what you are establishing in them, the character that you're giving them, the integrity that you're modeling and giving to them. I had to trust that because I didn't want to try to isolate my kids. We can't hide them, put them in a closet and hide them socially from all the things, like I said, the movies, the magazines, the media, the music, you know, all the Internet and all the bombardment of information and influence. We can't hide them from it. But what we can do is we can implant in them by understanding these roles, that character, that independent self worth, that self dignity that they have, and they know how to get out in the world and infiltrate the darkness, be a light and a leader to their friends and know how to socialize and get along with other people in this diverse world that we live in, rather than trying to live in fear and isolate them. Preparation for separation, for infiltration, not isolation, and helping our children, preventing them from going down the wrong road as they get a little older. And this is the strategy from 0 to 12 that we have, that I'm teaching parents. And I hope that was helpful to you. Again, I'm Richard Ramos. Thank you for watching Family, Leadership, Community. And I'll see you next time. Thank you.