Dealing With Grief

Hi, this is Rita Hogan, and welcome to the Dogs Are Individuals podcast. I'm a clinical canine herbalist, and I've been practicing for over 20 years. This podcast is all about your dog through an herbal lens. So let's get to it and dive right in. Hello, this is Rita Hogan. I am your host of the Dogs Are Individuals podcast. And welcome, welcome, welcome to another edition of this podcast. I hope you are enjoying it. I know I've gotten some emails about people being behind on listening to the podcast. Don't stress out. Listen when you can. We really appreciate it here at Canine Herbalist, and I definitely appreciate it. I had a question about Tremella mushroom by Jody S. Who wrote into the podcast. She heard me talking about tremella mushroom. I drink it in my coffee. And that works perfectly with telling you about my sponsor, realmushrooms.com I've been using their Tremella mushroom, and it really has been fantastic. Tremella has an affinity towards the skin, the gastrointestinal tract, the immune system. It also has a little kind of support of the liver. I've been researching it lately, and I really love what I'm finding. But by using it personally, I can tell you it's made my skin better. I feel that it has a positive effect on my gastrointestinal functioning. And I definitely feel that I have more pep in my step and feel less anxious when with, like, work and things. So I usually only add one thing at a time to my regimen so that I really figure out, you know, what's working and what's not working. And I definitely have noticed a difference in my cognitive function, my gut, and my ability to deal with stress since starting the Tremella. And I use it twice a day. I use a half a teaspoon in my tea, and I also mix that with lion's mane mushroom. And I've been really loving it. So I'm gonna start carrying it in my store along with the other real mushroom products. But to answer your question, if it's good for dogs, I think definitely it is good for dogs because it's especially this time of year. It has an affinity towards the lungs. And anything that has an affinity towards the lungs will most likely support the large intestine, that gastrointestinal kind of link there, and supporting the immune system. So this is a really good mushroom, I would say, for fall and winter. I guess you could give it a try, right? And you can go to realmushrooms.com, you can purchase Tremella. You can put it in your dog's food or in a little bit of bone broth or other types of broth. And I would say that I would begin with like a sixteenth of a teaspoon for small dogs and then maybe like an eighth for medium dogs and a quarter for large dogs. And I would probably start with once a day, see how that goes. And then you could split that dose up and do it twice a day. But really not much is needed for a good benefit. Now, if your dog has some major issues, I would reach out. You can reach out to me through the podcast email on my canineherbalist.com site, or you can reach out to Real Mushrooms and they can give you some guidance on dealing with your dogs and Tremella. So how's that for a spotlight on a sponsor? But it really did tie in really well with the question that came into the podcast. So I thought, hey, I'm gonna talk about Tremella, because these are ramblings of an herbalist's life who's gone to the dogs. And that's definitely been me. So I had some really bad news this past week. My horse died last week. His name was Drifter. And my partner and I, he was my partner's horse. We brought him to Minnesota. We brought him from Minnesota to Washington. And we really enjoyed him for a year. Didn't ride him very much, but I didn't ride him at all. But my partner ride him, rode him like, I don't know, maybe five or six times. And he was lovely. But I used to go and sit under this beautiful hawthorn tree and his pasture and read to him and he really loved it. And he really helped me get over so much fear in my life that I didn't even know was there. So I've been dealing with some grief and it really made me think of grief. And I've talked about grief before and I've had a lot of loss since 2017. I lost my partner of 20 years. I lost my 22 year old cat, I lost my brother. Now I've lost my horse. And I've had some other losses that aren't necessarily deaths. But there was a friendship that was lost, which over the pandemic. Not over the issue of the pandemic, but just a friendship in general that I held dear to me and it kind of dissipated, which again can be a loss. And I've had some other kinds of things happen around loss since 2017. And it really does, in this strange way, it really does provide growth and understanding of oneself for sure. And then it makes me think about animal losses and from the perspective of having animals with us and then perspective of one animal grieving over another animal, and sometimes we don't look at it that way, and we focus on ourselves, even though our animals might be grieving as well, with what's going on in our lives or losing a household member or losing someone they cared about. So there's a lot going on, but death is really so much a part of life. And I made a post on Facebook about my horse, Drifter, and I talked about, you know, we really don't really know joy without sadness, and we don't know sadness without joy, right? And I think having, you know, having animals and having relationships and being friends, however that looks like is pretty scary because really does put us out there, you know, and sometimes that's uncomfortable. But I think giving and receiving unconditional love is so important for the spirit and the soul. And dogs are so good at that, right? Animals in general are so good at unconditional love. And I know that Drifter, my horse, he just really excelled at unconditional love. And relationships are where the good stuff is. You know, it's where kind of like the juices of life are. And if we don't take that risk and be in relationship with, we're gonna end up being alone. And for some people, being alone is fine, right? And that's okay. No judgment there. But a lot of people want connection, and they don't wanna be alone, and they wanna feel accepted, and they wanna feel that they're okay. And the love that I felt for and from my horse was profound. And looking at that this past week has also been profound because we all have different grieving styles. Everyone grieves a little differently. Some of us have similar styles and some of us don't. And some of this, may it make it look like grieving is easy. And other people might judge that, or some of us may take it very hard. And grief can make us drop to our knees. And then some people will judge that, oh, you know, she's not getting over it, or, oh, you know, God, she needs to get over it, right? But I think we need to respect how all of us grieve. And that definitely includes our animals. And that takes looking at them, that takes paying attention, that takes being in communication with our animals. And looking at Drifter's death, I definitely felt a lot of love, even though it was very traumatic. I thought we would have him probably for another 10 to 13 years. He had a infiltrating lipoma in his small intestine. And I grew up with horses my whole life. Well, not my whole life. I'm sorry, my whole young life. I had a horse until I was 18, until I moved away. And then my dad gave my horse to this really great girl that lived, I don't know, a couple miles away, and she got to enjoy my horse after I went to college. And then I took a break from horses, and, you know, Drifter came back into my life, and he really taught me that I need horses into my life. I didn't even realize it, but after spending the last year, it's been a huge missing. And that's not for everyone, right? But it really has. He gave me so much, and he really helped me overcome my fear in life. And I didn't know that I had so much fear until I was around horses again. And, yes, you could look at that fear as being specific to a horse. However, it was very representative of a lot of things that were going on with me. And then I kind of looked at it and realized, wow, you know, this affects us all. Fear affects us. And animals are so good at transforming fear in our lives, and. And we have to remember to support them in that. We have to remember that they are good at it, and they're good at taking on our fear and taking on our joys and taking on even our illnesses, and that can happen, too. That's another conversation. But it's definitely a conversation that will come up on the podcast. Thinking about all of this stuff, I mean, really has been transformational. And working with clients and their dogs, I see where grief takes on a role in their relationship with their animals and their relationship with their family when it kind of starts to take over. And grief and pain are really mirrors of love and joy and happiness and appreciation and being present in the moment. Without those things, we can't feel grief and pain. We're not going to grieve if we're not loving. We're not going to grieve if we're not loving. Whatever we're grieving over in some way, shape or form. So in a way, you know, grief is a. It's a mother, it's a teacher, it's a friend. And it definitely helps us give appreciation to those we've lost. But it can also, I think, be a weight that really takes hold of you and takes hold of your dogs if it's left unnoticed, and if you don't have the support you need. And then being vulnerable, you know, telling other people is really Hard for many of us. And we feel shame because of our feelings or have difficulty of losing that loved one. And we feel like shame because, you know, we can't get our shit together, right? I don't think anyone's. I don't think anyone really has a right to. To tell us to get our shit together. I mean, I think we will on our own accord. However, I think people that are in shared relationships with us do care about us and may give us advice about support that we might need or tell us that it is okay, and that's important. And again, I'm talking about people and animals. And as in a culture with or without social media, I think humans concentrate on looking good, you know, putting on that happy face, acting like everything is fine. And sometimes it's not fine. You know, the, oh, oh, yeah, okay, I'm fine, I'm okay. Don't worry about me. Everything's fine. A lot of times, you know, we're just. We're not telling the truth, right? It isn't fine. And how many times have we said, I'm okay, but we are, like, feeling like this big, gaping wound, right? And I think our dogs feel the same way and partake in many of the same coping mechanisms, you know, feeding off our energies and being strong for us. Dogs are so stoic, much more than people. And I think grief is definitely one of those subjects that can clear a room, and it definitely makes people feel uncomfortable. I know that when I was dealing with major amounts of grief, I put on a happy face for sure, and people thought everything was fine. And I really kind of got that. People were sick and tired of me talking about my partner that passed away, and it did make them feel uncomfortable. So eventually I just smiled and, yeah, everything's fine, but it wasn't fine. You know, I was suffering in sadness and making people uncomfortable, I realized now is someone else's problem. You know, many people find it too confronting, especially in cultures where looking good is the main focus of social interaction. And it's definitely here in the United States. Some folks are really unable to deal with their own grief or sorrow. They're carrying it around. And so hearing about other people's grief is too much. And I totally get that. So people need support. I don't think grief is an enemy or something to be embarrassed or ashamed about. If someone is uncomfortable with your grief, it's more, again, it's more about them than it is about you. You know, we need to be our authentic selves as much as we can, and that helps Our dogs. Because the crazy part, or I could say interesting part, is that our dogs know what's happening with us, right? They know that we can't expect ourselves to move forward without looking at the present of what's happening now. Because then if we don't, we get our past and our future and we become completely anxious, you know, and we have to come together, you know, with good boundaries and hold space for people who are grieving. And we can do this from afar, we can do it in close proximity, and we can help other people support themselves and their animals and their families in the grieving process. And when grieving, it's important to know there are different ways in which people deal with loss, how they express it and kind of the cycle that occurs. We're not all the same in that way. So we have to give people a little elbow room in which, you know, in which to grieve, as long as they're not hurting themselves or hurting others or neglecting others. Right. As far as, like, if someone is dealing with a lot of grief and neglecting their family members that are dependent on them or their animals that are dependent on them. Cause that definitely has happened in the past with people that I've known. And it can happen, and it can be easily overlooked when someone is having profound grief. Because, you know, the subject of grief really encompasses so much. And it encompasses loss and heartache and stress and passion and gratitude, tension, longing, emptiness. It can encompass illness, it can create illness, but it's all based on love, because, again, without love, you can't have grief because there's nothing to grieve. And physical and emotional grief can occur for any type of loss, and that includes anticipated loss or when circumstances affect your sense of belonging or security. And that's happened a lot in the last two and a half to three years. So what I'm trying to say is at the heart of grief is love. And without love, grief doesn't exist. And grief doesn't necessarily have to be associated with death. It can be any type of loss. And to go a step further, for people that have been suffering with grief for a very long time, and this includes our dogs and cats, our horses and other animals that we might have in our lives. Grief can span generations. It can actually imprint into our DNA. And they are working on this scientifically, humans as well as other animals can be affected by our ancestors torment, by what happened with their mothers, their fathers, their grandmothers. So if there's people in your life that have been suffering from grief and unexplained grief, grief that maybe people don't understand, you know, that could be an issue. I think karmic debt and evolution is really real, as we are all connected through this kind of web of the universal knowing and the web of the soul and that universal connection, because we're all connected. And by working through grief and feeling, like feeling grace and acceptance, I think we're helping all of humanity. And as we heal ourselves, we heal others. As we heal ourselves, we heal our pets, because everything's connected. And I teach that concept to my students each week in nauseam. Everything is connected. And when we start to understand that, things get a lot easier. So just like herbs, grief works on a system of opposites. And I think grief's opposite, again, is acceptance and love. So when you're looking at herbs for dealing with grief and love, you're gonna look at both of those things, okay? And remember, you know, when we're dealing with death or a loss of a friendship, a loss of a job, something sudden, it's never a good time. You know, you don't have a right time. And I do feel that being prepared for loss is something that can. That basically that you can explore. And our plant allies are really there to help us create a bridge to the other side and hold space for us as we go through this process of loss. And I feel so fortunate to have a relationship with plants in nature that can provide that for me. And it can also. They can be there for you too, and they can provide support for you and your animals. I think part of the healing process is acceptance. But some of us, including our, you know, our dogs and cats and other animals, might not know what's needed or how to move through grief. And plant allies offer transformation and understanding of the unknown. And that's what I love about them, because they do hold ancient DNA. It's science scientifically proven that they hold ancient DNA. They're connected to this world's universal communication network, and that extends back to the beginning of time. And they hold within them an acceptance and a light that helps keep us. Basically, it helps keep what we need, and then they help let go of what's complete. I'm going to go over some remedies that help with grief, starting with flower essences. Flower essences work with emotions and your dog's energy. They are not something that are going to make profound changes right away, but you will see a difference pretty quickly. I don't know if any of you have used rescue remedy by Bach flowers or a mixture of those Plants in Rescue Remedy made by another company or yourself. But I can tell you from firsthand experience that mixture of flower essences is profound. It can help you so much when you are in complete panic. One flower essence that I love to start with, especially if a person or a dog is putting on that stoic nature when you kind of know that things aren't going well. It definitely helped me when I was putting on that kind of fake facade that everything was fine. It's called agrimony, and its Latin name is agrimonia. I carry it in my store and. And you can get it at Flower Essence Society or different Flower essence makers. Tree Frog Farm is another good one. Green Hope Essences is another good flower essence Company. This remedy is really for people that hold their breath or dogs that are stoic or you feel that you're faking it. You know, that whole Persona that everything's gonna be okay, but it's really not. So when what you're showing is anything but what you're feeling, agrimony is a really great remedy for that. It's definitely for people who can't speak their truth. And I usually do two to six drops twice daily of the remedy. Another one is Bleeding Heart. And Bleeding Heart is Decentra formosa is the Latin name. Bleeding heart helps strengthen the heart, and it helps strengthen it both physically and emotionally. It pushes through loss. It helps mend that separation, you know, feeling separate when there is a loss. And I love using Bleeding Heart for dogs when they're separated from their previous owners or taken away from their litter mates. I think definitely I'm going to use Bleeding Heart and Rescue Remedy together when I get a new horse. Because when you get a new horse, those horses are always taken away from where they have been. Or if I rescue a horse, I might be taking it away from a terrible situation. And then I'll be using a different set of remedies. So another flower essence I love is called Borage. And Borage has these, like, electric looking, kind of otherworldly flowers, and they're just so beautiful. But borage helps give us courage and strength when we don't feel that we have any. And if you're asking yourself if you can use multiple remedies in one formula, yes, you can. You can mix them all together and use them as one formula. And take three to six drops of those a few times a day. I like to put mine in a spray and spray it into my mouth. I'll put one spray bottle near my bed, one near, like, the entrance to the bathroom because you know you're gonna go in there and you won't forget. It's an easy way to remember. And for dogs, I like to do drops of of flower essences in their mouth or in their water. And as a last resort, I can rub it into their ear flaps. Another remedy is called bougainvalja. And it's bougainvalia or glabra G L A B R A. It really helps protect against kind of like unwanted energy while you're grieving. And it helps you attract more harmonic harmonizing energies. And it's for people and dogs that feel vulnerable. And it definitely helps bring back hope and joy to your life. So that's one a good one to use when there's deep trauma involved or that generational trauma that I spoke of. Comfrey symphytum works very well for severe trauma. And it helps bring about feelings of being safe. And safety is so important when we're doing these deep healing things in our lives. Let's see, the next one I like is gorse. Gorse flower essence, Ulyx europus. Gorse addresses those extended periods of grief. I like to mix it with a flower essence called olive, and that's also for that extended exhaustion. Okay. And gorse is good for those just prolong physical and emotional, like dredging and kind of feeling like it's bringing you down. Gorse and olive Olea europa is the olive flower essence. So for those of you that are feeling stuck or you have a dog that's feeling stuck, that has patterns of feeling stuck. Onion flower essence really helps with stuck emotions. It balances like the highs, the high highs, and the low lows. It's really well indicated for like, kind of like a bipolar esque kind of manifestation of grief symptoms. Okay. So where there is, you know, everything's fine. No, it's not fine at all. Everything's fine. No, it's not fine at all. Like that up, down. And it helps bring closure to those extreme sides of pain and sadness. One flower essence that I really love for dogs is Pinus Sylvester pine. And it's for dogs that show physical symptoms of experiencing grief. Many pine remedies can be somewhat toxic to dogs, but the flower essence isn't. And I use a lot of pine remedies with animals. I use stem cell remedies for pine, and I also use flower essences of pine. So that one is just really lovely when there is psychosomatic illness going on. One that we can't forget about is Star of Bethlehem. And I could Pronounce it for you, but I think I would just annihilate it. But we're going to try Ornithogalum Newtons. O r N I T H O G A L U m space N U T A N S that is Star of Bethlehem flower essence. And it addresses trauma leading to grief. It mixes well with comfrey. It also addresses rescue situations, sudden loss of a pet. I've been taking it. Violent death, been taking it, and seizures. And this flower essence is good for past trauma. So it's ideal when you're dealing with kind of things that are unknown. And I would definitely start out slow with this essence because it can. It can kind of cause an extreme kind of swaying of emotions for a short period of time. So, like, for example, a dog that is showing fear might be a little more sensitive over a couple of days when you start using it. And then I'm just thinking, which one would be better here? St. John's wort hypericum perforatum is a really good flower essence for grief. And there's so many. I could go on for like three hours. But these are some that have been really beneficial in my work. St. John's wort flower essence also has that trauma added to it, but it's more present trauma and kind of a feeling of desperation. That's where it's really well indicated when you feel desperate. And it helps ease tension and it helps give you some distance for breathing and some distance to kind of look at things and where you're at with that. Another flower essence that I love is hawthorn. It is a tonic for the heart, and grief can manifest itself in the lungs and the heart. And hawthorn really brings strength and clearness to the cardiac system and to you especially, and to our dogs. I think you should use hawthorn flower essence when there is cardiac weakness and there's loss or dogs need extra support. You feel that your heart is heavy. You feel that your heart is breaking. Okay, that is a great time to use hawthorn flower essence. Linden flower essence, which is Tilla tomentosa, can really help if you're experiencing insomnia or a lot of tension, you or your dog, that can result from being very upset, worried and restless. I really like to combine this flower essence with nettle flower essence. Nettle flower essence seems to help with that circular thought that. Where you just can't shut off your thoughts. So those two work really well together. Rose flower essence is. I definitely would say it's lovely. And any, you know, clean roses can be used for flower essence. So there's lots of different types of rose that can be used, but I like Rosa de Massina and D A, M A, A S, C, E, N A. It can really help things feel lighter. And it's really good for dogs and people who kind of retreat, get reclusive, have lethargy. Rose helps build kind of stamina. It helps release emotion. It helps the nervous system. I like to give it along with skullcap tincture, which helps relax the nervous system and really helps transform grief and trauma. Definitely helps with anxiety and really hard to settle when you're hard to settle or your dog is hard to settle. But you can use rose flower essence for dogs that are really stoic or dogs that have a hard time letting go or releasing pain and anxiety and depression and grief. And that goes for you, too, or anybody that you, you know, that you know. Again, don't be afraid to combine remedies. And these are just a few that I have found that have worked really well in my practice for people that I've worked with, for dogs that I've worked with, and for myself. So I use the dosage again, is three to six drops. You know, for really tiny dogs, I might use one or two. You can rub it in the ears, you can put it in the water, you can give it in the mouth. I spray it in my mouth two to three times per day. I definitely can tell the days when I'm not using it, so. And then when you feel like you've moved past something that that flower essence is helping you with, then you can just continue and see how you feel. But using plant allies, especially in the form of flower essences, can really help transform grief. I know this subject is pretty deep and pretty serious and kind of weighted. Not my normal uplifty self. However, I think it's really needed. People are going to have more than one grief session in their life. They're going to be affected more than once. Dogs can feel loss and grief so many times in their life. Cats as well, and especially other animals that we befriend throughout our lives. So we kind of need to be prepared on how to help them and help ourselves. So on to something more exciting news you can use. I always try to give you something tangible that you can do to help protect you or your pets or like using something for your pets, that type of thing. And this week, I looked at a product line. I'm not going to mention any names here, but I just want to remind you, read your labels before you buy. This was an organic brand line. And you know it. From a marketing standpoint, it looked fantastic. You know, beautiful labels, nice packaging, too much plastic in my opinion, but, you know, nice looking. And so when I went to the website and started poking around the ingredients, I was extremely disappointed. So the news you can use is if you see things like vegetable oil, okay, generic vegetable oil, canola oil, soybean oil, you know, not even organic canola or not even organic soybean, regular soybean, canola oil, just generic vegetable oil. That's a red flag. And any company that's going to use vegetable oil is not a company that in my opinion you should use and, you know, go through their whole line and see what ingredients they're using with their products. Was this line of products terrible? No. But when I see things like generic fish oil, generic vegetable oil, and then sugar labeled sucrose in their food, their food supplements, I. I'm not going to use it. And that's a huge red flag. So don't forget to read your ingredients and don't trust companies with fancy packaging and lots of marketing hype without looking at the ingredients. Okay? So I want to thank my second sponsor of this podcast that is Adored Beast. Adored Beast Apothecary. You definitely can trust their ingredients. I spec them all the time in my protocols along with a lot of the other products on my website. K nineherbalist.com we're coming into winter and we want to focus on kidney health. And Adored Beast has a lovely program called Easy Peasy. And it helps support the body's renal system and it defends it against reoccurring bladder infections and urinary tract infections. And if your dog has any history of ear infections, urinary tract infections, bladder infections, you wanna have Easy Peasy with you in your home during the winter months because you wanna have a plan so that you don't have to react so you know with complete frenzy and get everyone stressed out because you don't have anything in your home to treat those types of issues. And now right now it's really hard to get into the vet. So having EZ Peasy on hand is a good way to prepare you and your dog for winter. The EZ Peasy protocol comes with a homeopathic that has hydrangea berberis, 12C hydrangeas, 30C in it, and then it's mixed with a nutraceutical powder, which is Easy Peasy 2, which has cranberry D mannose nag, which is N acetyl, glucosamine, marshmallow root, uva Ursi, nettle leaf and larch, and then a probiotic blend for maintenance. And these products together really help the body kind of work towards prevention and support before something happens. So it's a good way to help prepare your dog's kidneys for wintertime. Okay, so that's it for the podcast. If you have any questions for me, go to my website, canineherbalist.com, click the podcast contact and send me your questions. I'll answer them here live online. If you need help with your dog, you can contact me@canineherbalist.com and also up and coming will be my phytoembryonic training that I'm going to do. Please sign up for my newsletter or like me on Facebook or Instagram and you can see when that offering is coming up. But it's going to start at the end of November and then we're going to work our way through March. It's eight live sessions of phytoembryonic training, which is using plant stem cells. So I hope to see some of you there and I will see you next time on the Dogs Are Individuals podcast. Thanks for listening to this episode of Dogs Are Individuals. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review in your podcast app. And don't forget, sharing is caring. So if you love dogs or individuals podcast, share it with your friends and family who love dogs. This will help me so much. And remember, as a listener, I appreciate you much. Thanks to Resident Me, my podcast production team. This podcast is produced by Drake Peterson and edited by Mike Fry. Any questions, email the show, go to k9herbalist.com Click podcast contact in the menu and then fill out that form and I'll answer any questions here online. Okay, so thank you so much for listening to this episode of Dogs Are Individuals Podcast and I'm gonna talk to you in our next episode.